


Error 707

by myimaginaryboyfriends



Series: Mystic Diary [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, BDSM, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light BDSM, Light Sadism, Multi, Oral Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Sex, Sadism, Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:59:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 43
Words: 186,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10619355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myimaginaryboyfriends/pseuds/myimaginaryboyfriends
Summary: MC bought a diary and recounts the events since she opened the weird app. If she can't talk about everything that happened to her during her time with the RFA and the Secret Endings to anyone, she needs some sort of release, because there's just too many secrets to keep





	1. Prologue

Dear diary,

I bought this journal to have a place to write my thoughts in away from modern technology. I’ve had quite enough with electronics as of late. Putting a pen to paper seems almost therapeutic at this point. It’s amazing how life can change so drastically by the choices we make. One day I’m downloading a messenger app out of boredom, I thought it was a virus when I opened it or very buggy at the least, but then I chat with a random person that wants my help and out of sheer curiosity I indulged him. “Why not?” I thought to myself. I could use the distraction. My life was kinda depressing at that time. I had no friends. Most live overseas and you sort of lose touch after some time, everyone gets so busy living their lives, it gets harder to make time for people. When you’re an adult it’s not so easy being a social butterfly, even more so when you’re not a people person to begin with. You only interact with other humans either at work or school and I was just a freelancer working from home. I only left the house when necessary for work, to do errands, or the occasional distraction so as not to lose my mind. My social interaction was pretty much confined to my house mates and the internet. And that’s precisely what led me down this rabbit hole.

Do I regret my choices? The simple answer would be no, but when I recall the events that led me here, I feel like my life would make a great movie. There’s an idea, write a script out of my life and make it a movie. I don’t think I’ve had enough time to truly process everything that’s happened to me. I don’t have anyone that’s known me for a long time that I can confide in. I’ve become a collector of secrets and I’m not sure anybody would be able to comprehend even if I tried to explain. Not even I fully understand. When I think about it all as a whole I truly question my sanity. I knew I was a little crazy but this is something else entirely. I find myself laughing at times when I’m alone. Not sure if it’s to hide the pain or what, but I’m lucky to have reasons for living. Not sure I would’ve made it this far without breaking down if I weren’t so passionate and strong willed. Love is irrational and sometimes people do crazy things out of love. Right? That’s what I keep telling myself. Not so long ago I was pretty lonely, somewhat miserable, and had no idea what I was doing with my life. Now I have people that love me for who I am that would do anything for me.

It’s almost surreal since the circumstances were so bizarre. It turns out that messenger app I had downloaded was supposed to be confidential and for private use by a group called RFA. How I ended up downloading it I can’t remember. I’m used to working in autopilot mode. Coffee is my ally and Insomnia is my constant companion. When the random person in the chat told me to go to a specified location in the city I was skeptic. I had nothing better to do and needed to get out of the house anyway. I had been cooped up for days so I figured I could grab some supplies while I was out. There are times when I question my lack of better judgment. I blame the insomnia.

The address turned out to be an apartment on a 14th floor. It had a keypad on the door like in some hotels. I thought it was weird that it was the only apartment door to have one. I sipped on the coffee I had bought on my way there and thought maybe I was walking in to some drug lord’s stash house or something. “Well, this is how I die.” I said to myself with a hint of sarcasm. The unknown dude from the chat gave me the pass code and I opened the door. It was a nice looking apartment and it seemed empty. I could tell by the smell that nobody had been there for a long time. I checked if anybody was there and sighed in relief when I confirmed it was in fact, desolate. “Crisis averted.” I said to myself.

The app started beeping and flashing lines of code and I was about to shut off my phone in a panic but then it jumped into the middle of a conversation between 5 people. “What the fuck just happened?” I said out loud. I sat to read the chat, because why not? I was already in a stranger’s apartment and using a strange app. One of the guys was complaining about his midterms, the other scolded him for gaming, and another advised him to get better grades. “What the fuck am I doing?” I sighed. 2 of them started arguing and then they finally noticed I was in the chatroom. They thought I was a hacker. I would’ve thought so too to be honest. That’s when I find out I was using a private app. I tried to recall how I downloaded it and I thought I got it from the app store. I typed “Hello.” to see what would happen. The guy 707 traced my IP address to the apartment I was in, it belonged to someone named Rika and its location was supposed to be classified information. “Oh god, are these people in the mafia?”. I whispered into the empty apartment. “Yup, this is how I die.” I chuckled to myself. The guy named Jumin started making threats so I was seriously suspecting I had walked into a mafia safe house. The guy Zen seemed to be famous though, I thought I recognized his avatar but didn’t think it was really the musical actor. I’m not a fan of his work but I’ve written reviews about some of his plays before. I thought the only way of knowing what I had truly gotten myself into was to ask and ask I did.

Most of them were friendly enough to introduce themselves. Zen was the first, he really was who I thought he was, 707 was the resident hacker, Yoosung is a college student, Jumin is C&R’s corporate heir and Jaehee is his assistant. Jumin has the most adorable cat. Beautiful white fluffy fur. It was cute seeing a picture of a corporate businessman with his cat. Makes him look less intimidating. I started to feel a bit more at ease. I explained how I got there and of course they thought I was strange. 707 said he was going to trace the person that led me there and that he was going to call V. I thought “Shit, he’s gonna call the crime boss and by the end of the day I’m going to be swimming with the fishes because I shouldn’t be here. Who the fuck calls himself by a single letter? Yup, this is how I die.” I couldn’t stop reading the chat. Curiosity killed the cat they say. 707 managed to pull up information on me and said I was cute. I think I blushed a bit but then got flustered because the guy is doing a background check on me. “What the fuck is happening?” I mumbled. Saw a picture of Jaehee and she’s like a really cute secretary type. Eventually V made it into the chatroom and I managed to find out a little about Rika and the apartment. I was surrounded by classified information and couldn’t reveal the address to anyone. “Yup, this organization sounds like a mafia syndicate.” I said out loud. I was advised not to touch anything that was locked or else an alarm would go off.

At least none of them knew how to get into the the apartment except for 707 since he probably installed the security system. It was getting pretty late and the conversation shifted to what Rika used to do, which was hosting parties and they wondered if I could take over since I was already there. It sounded like a money laundering scheme. I just wanted to help some random person and now I was joining the mafia. The people in the chatroom seemed pretty powerful and influential except for Yoosung and Jaehee. I was basically inducted into the RFA without my consent. I thought, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Right? It’s better than swimming with the fishes.”

When they explained that Rika’s work was for charity it made me feel a little bit better. “There are worse things that people do for money laundering.” I said to the empty room. Zen was such a flirt it was hilarious. I found it hard to feel nervous or scared while reading the chat. The apartment had been abandoned for over a year and they said I could stay there to do the work, I didn’t need to touch the computer or anything, everything would be done with the messenger app All I had to do was invite party guests and answer emails. Seemed simple enough. I could do that.

When they officially asked me if I wanted to join I was grateful it wasn’t accompanied with a threat. But they really didn’t give me much of a choice. I had downloaded a private app and tresspassed into a classified location and to continue the privacy I had to join the organization myself and do the work that the boss’s girlfriend used to do. It all seemed so fishy and I kept thinking V was a crime boss or something, I sort of feared for my life. I got anxious. When they all left the chatroom I put down the phone and laid on the sofa thinking, “What the fuck am I doing? How did I get myself into this? You wanted a distraction and boy did you get one.” I was exhausted and tried to calm myself down. Maybe I’d seen too many movies and things aren’t what they seem and it was all in my head. Eventually I fell asleep. I was not ready to ride on the RFA roller coaster.


	2. Route to 707

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and her first days at the apartment, how she survived, made the place habitable, and what she thinks about the RFA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work follows Deep Story Mode towards 707's route, if you haven't played it, there are spoilers.

Dear Diary,

Memories of my first days chatting with the RFA members are sweet and funny. I recall waking up from my nap when my phone beeped. It was the chat notification. Yoosung was online. I liked the fact that they all have fucked up sleeping schedules like me. There’s always someone online during late hours of the night. The different members wanted to know about me. They were all single and lonely, that much we had in common. I guess that was a good thing and a bad thing. It was weird getting hit on when they had no idea what I looked like. As far as I knew 707 didn’t leak my photo. My chat with Zen was the funniest. He wanted me to fall head over heels for him. I mean the guy is hot and all that but the narcissism and his in your face attitude seemed a bit excessive. Yoosung was more cute and naive about it. Jaehee was the one that gave me the run down on what I had to do. It was nice chatting to another female even if she was very business like, but I felt I was in my element since I’m used to working from home.

I liked the silence of the apartment. It was a nice change of scenery compared to where I lived. If I was going to stay there I had to make the place habitable. I wrote the pass code to the door in a memo and left the apartment to get some food and supplies. I was lucky to find a supermarket nearby where I got most of the essential things I needed. All that was missing was some clothes, bedding and a towel. I drove around until I knew exactly where I was and headed toward a department store. It happened to be one of C&R’s branch stores. It reminded me of Jumin and just as I was entering the store my phone beeped. Jumin and Zen were in the chat. They don’t get along at all. It was fun watching them fight. They have such different opinions. I guess it has a lot to do with their background. Jumin’s filthy rich, of the top percent of the country and is very businesslike almost to the point to seem like an unfeeling asshole. But he loves cats, very very much and it’s so adorable, so he’s not all bad. I told him I like cats too and that made him happy. Zen on the other hand is very much allergic to cats and hates Jumin’s arrogance and calculative nature, called him a robot and everything. Pretty accurate description though.

I went back to the apartment after I got everything I needed. The phone beeped again while I was cleaning. Jumin and 707. I laughed at Seven’s jokes. I couldn’t remember the last time I smiled so much before that. He’s quite the jester and made me feel less conscious about the situation at hand. I kept cleaning and finished around noon. The place was spotless, it smelled nice, and had new sheets on the bed. I was relieved that I had bought some instant noodles because I was too tired to make lunch. I needed a shower and a nap. The phone beeped again while I was boiling water. Yoosung and Seven were in the chat. I almost spilled my soup when Seven said he knew my cup size. That silly prankster. He was looking into the hacker, I was also curious to know who the hell sent me to the apartment and for what reason since he obviously wasn’t part of the RFA. When Seven said I could’ve just deleted the app instead of going to the mystery address I felt kind of stupid. Why didn’t I? I could’ve. Maybe I secretly had a death wish. I dunno. Boredom can be dangerous but I don’t regret it. I was starting to like them. They made my day interesting and I finally had a solitary place to work in, and for free, at least for a while. I tried not to think about the circumstances of how I got there. Between my work and Seven’s jokes it was easy to forget where I was until he reminded me that I could be in danger. The anxiety would start kicking in, thoughts creeping into the back of my mind that I’m an idiot that accidentally joined an organization that could possibly be a front for the mafia. Seriously, what the fuck was wrong me? Oh that’s right, I was starved for company. It made me a little happy to have people to chat with throughout the day and night.

I don’t really like talking about myself but each conversation flowed like the river. It was weird. That night I found out that V was a photographer so I looked him up online. I was a bit relieved after reading a few articles about him. My idea of him being a crime boss seemed almost ridiculous at that point, the guy was from a rich family. I watch too much TV, but some people say that reality is stranger than fiction so you never know right? It’s not like I’m the most cautious person in the world. If I were, I wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place. But for the first time in a long while I was looking forward to something. I genuinely enjoyed chatting with these people. They were all different in their own way but I think Seven made me smile the most. He was so funny and I got a kick out of following his quirky sense of humor especially when he called me. I rarely get phone calls unless it’s from family members so I was shocked when the RFA members started calling me. The ones I looked forward to the most were Seven’s ‘cause I knew they would be funny. But they’re all so caring, they ask me if I ate or slept well. I didn’t expect this level of treatment. In just a few days these people felt like my friends. I worried for Jaehee being overworked. I worried about Yoosung’s gaming habits. I was concerned about Seven’s health because of his junk food diet. I thought I had a shitty diet, he beat me by a mile. I even cared about Zen’s roles and Jumin’s cat projects. I mean seriously, the cat projects are just fucking hilarious but then I feel bad for Jaehee. These people were making my life a little brighter. I still didn’t have a clue where I fit in but they were friendly and I couldn’t picture my life without them.

I was expecting Zen’s selfies and Seven’s crossdressing, or Yoosung’s attempts at cooking, and even Jumin’s blurry pictures. How I managed to make fun of Mr. Jumin Han of C&R and nothing happen to me I’ll never know. Perks of being in the RFA were pretty neat. I didn’t even bother answering my house mates when they asked when I was coming home. Of course they only called me when they needed something, like my car or computer. I knew I eventually had to go back to get some of my stuff. But I figured that whatever I needed I could probably ask Jumin since I was the new party planner I’m pretty sure they didn’t expect me to pay for things with my own money.

Something I had in common with Seven were the long hours of work and being on the computer all day, skipping meals and sleeping at odd hours. I related with him a lot in the chats and phone calls. I could feel a kindred spirit in him. I think I gasped when he sent me a selfie holding a bag of his favourite chips. He usually sends silly pictures. He’s so cute looking. Zen is hot and sexy and has that pretty boy look nailed down but there’s something special about Seven. Red is one of my favorite colors, I’m probably biased but I’d often wonder about his hair, what it felt like to touch it or “Would it smell like Dr. Pepper or Honey Buddha Chips?” and then I’d laugh and carry on with work. It was stupid to develop a crush over a hacker I met in a messenger app. But apparently I’m stupid and that’s exactly what happened. I was falling for a guy that made me laugh. Was that so bad? Maybe not but it was pathetic and pitiful indeed. I often asked myself “Why do you do this to yourself.” and my answer typically was “Cause you’re an idiot.” My inner voice hated me. I hated me. That’s why I did this to myself. But flirting with disaster was fun. Even though I knew that Seven was a hacker I didn’t fully acknowledge what that actually meant. He worked for a secret intelligence agency. That should’ve been the first red flag, but I’m a sucker and obviously ignored common sense. ‘Cause I guess I wanted to live the movie. I dunno what I was thinking. It wasn’t easy to discern what was real or not in the things Seven said but I could see the underlying warnings sometimes. I wasn’t even sure if he liked me or if he was just flirty like Zen. But just thinking it out loud seemed unreal to me, “I have a crush on a secret agent.” What the fuck? Right? Pathetic, I know. But that’s the life I was living. Making questionable choices based on poor judgment. My mother would be so proud.

I was increasingly getting worried and I felt bad that Seven was struggling with work and trying to keep me safe. I was so anxious I barely got any work done but I’m not a secret agent so I didn’t really know what the consequences of not meeting his deadlines were. I wished him luck we logged off. That day had been long and stressful. When I was taking a shower I heard a warning go off saying that the special security system had been activated. There I was trying to calm down and then that shit happened. What the fuck? I tried texting Seven but he didn’t respond immediately. When I logged into the chat Jaehee sent me a screenshot of a cryptic email. She felt hesitant to tell Seven about it since he was already struggling with his current tasks. I felt bad too, but knew he would eventually read the chat messages. The night progressed and I logged into the chat before going to bed to see if Seven would be on but I found Zen and he got the same weird email as Jaehee. We expressed our concerns for Seven and tried to chalk up the email as spam. Zen let me know his thoughts about Seven’s job and the reality that he’s an intelligence agent. It started sinking in what Seven told me that he’s dangerous and can’t be in a relationship. But I think everything Zen and I know about secret agents comes from movies and I started to express my feelings about Seven in the chat. I knew it was a mistake. Love makes people stupid and Seven is a genius hacker that worked at an intelligence agency that I had just met a few days ago. It sounds insane. Maybe I am insane. The guy was struggling to keep up with his job and there I was dreaming about God 707, Defender of Justice. This is why I was single in the first place. I had unrealistic expectations and awful social skills.

I did perk up when I saw Seven in the chat around 8am, he was up to his usual antics and posted a selfie that Vanderwood took. Hot damn boy, there I was feeling bad for falling for him and he posts a selfie where he looks so handsome. I was swooning. When Jumin suggested that Seven should come to the apartment to protect me himself since I’m the only one without bodyguards I almost freaked. But he reminded us that he’s swamped with work and dangerous to be around. My heart sank a little. I obviously understood his reaction but it was still disappointing.

All the members ended up getting the weird email and Seven managed to trace it to the hacker “Unknown”. Other than that we were still clueless about the intentions of the hacker and Seven was going to discuss things with V. I kept on replying to the party guest emails and juggling work with the occasional chat with the RFA members in between. V turned out to be unreachable and Seven depended on him for confirmation and instructions. During one of our chats Seven was vague about how dangerous and dirty his work was and expressed his fears of something bad happening because of him. I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be fine. But that would’ve been a lie. The danger was real. He warned me that we needed to keep our distance, never meet, or be friends for my safety. I felt a lump in my throat. Thank the gods it was a chat and not a phone call because the conversation was getting darker by the minute. He regretted allowing me to use the messenger app that he created. I let him know I regret nothing. *insert meme here*. Even if he did dangerous things I was happy to know him. He wasn’t having any of it. “Those words carry heavy consequences.” he said. “Be careful what you say.” he said. This should’ve been red flag #2. Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with me? Most people avoid danger and there I was inviting it to my life at every possible opportunity. Quite the masochist indeed.

I felt worse a while later when Jaehee and Yoosung talked about Seven’s rant. Even though they’ve known him for a few years it seemed like they knew nothing about him exactly, apart from being the chat jester and computer genius. I didn’t want to dwell on the subject. I already felt bad for falling for a dangerous guy that I’ve never met. It was a breath of fresh air chatting with Zen later on though, he posted one his selfies and talked about the Tripter bot. The topic still involved Seven in a way but chatting with Zen always makes me happy. He’s lovable in his own way. His advice and general self puts smiles on my face. So at least I managed to get to bed on a much lighter note.

In the morning Seven was back to his jester self in the chat, claiming the moon made him sentimental. I played along with him but I knew he was being serious before. God 707 Defender of Justice was just a mask he would wear to cheer himself up under his depressing circumstances, he just didn’t like to admit it even though he DID admit it. Jumin’s wonderful advice was to supress his emotions to get his work done if he couldn’t focus. It makes sense. But it made me realize that maybe Seven was feeling things for me. I suddenly felt warm and fuzzy inside but I couldn’t help feeling anxious. I had every reason to.


	3. Who is Unknown?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Truth bombs anyone? Enter Unknown and 707. MC remembers it quite vividly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story follows 707's route very closely, if you haven't played it, there are spoilers.

Dear diary,

The expression “…like a ticking time bomb.” couldn’t have been more literal. I got desperate calls from Seven worried about me when I was doing some research for a job I needed to finish. I was trying to get my shit together and attempt to get work done after the weird night I had until Seven confirmed my suspicious feeling about the special security system that got activated. He was super freaked out and told me not to move, that he’d be here to fix it. He was coming here. Inconceivable. It was a bittersweet feeling. On one hand I would finally get to meet him, on the other, my life was in danger. There I was, flirting with disaster again. My mind racing through the different possibilities of what exactly the special security system was that had Seven so riled up that he had to come here. “This is how I die.” I thought. I couldn’t focus on work so I gave up on it and sat on the couch to wait for death or salvation.

I was so jumpy that I practically fell to the floor when my phone beeped, Yoosung was in the chat. His worry didn’t make me feel any better and then Seven popped up to tell Yoosung that Jumin needed to know that the special security system was activated and that he needed to contact V, ASAP. Yoosung and I didn’t get much information besides that since Seven left in a hurry. It was pointless for me to be sitting doing nothing so I thought I’d keep myself busy by making lunch. My phone beeped again, Seven was in the chat, he was on his way and didn’t answer me when I asked what the hell the special security system was.

Jaehee popped in as well and said that Jumin wasn’t answering his calls but that he’ll read the messages when his meeting was over. It was nerve wracking but I tried to stay calm. Seven left the chat leaving Jaehee and me worried but there was nothing else I could do. When Jaehee logged off I put my phone down and finished lunch. “Maybe I could feed Seven when he gets here.” I thought when I served myself a plate. I got goosebumps thinking about it and smiled a bit. Then I remembered my life was in danger and the smile turned upside down. “What the fuck is happening?” I said out loud.

I washed the dishes and tried to get some work done. My phone beeped. Yoosung and Jumin were in the chat. V was nowhere to be found. The only useful information I got out of that chat was that the special security system was installed to avoid hackers accessing the guest information that was stored in the apartment. There was an incident after the last party and the security had to be tightened. Jumin was flying back to Korea to see what he could do about the situation. He said not to worry and that my safety was top priority. I felt a bit touched. He logged off and Yoosung totally forgot to tell Jumin off for calling his mother. That made me laugh. I needed to laugh. I was in some deep shit and a little laughter made me forget a bit about the gravity of my situation. When Yoosung logged off I threw myself on the bed. Seven hadn’t arrived yet so I went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. That’s when the alarm started going haywire. I freaked out and popped my head into the hallway to check if Seven had arrived. The special security system was acting up and I didn’t know what to do. Seven had told me I couldn’t leave and against my instincts I did my best at following his orders. I heard the window break. I panicked. I wondered if it was Seven so I looked in that direction. Nope. I heard a voice and it didn’t sound like Seven’s. I froze. A tattooed man in a leather jacket with bleached hair and a ninja mask had creeped over the window and was standing in front of me. My heart was beating so fast I could hear it in my ears, I barely heard the guy when he asked me if I knew who he was. Was it Seven in disguise with a voice changer? That would’ve been an awful prank. But I felt genuine fear in my bones so I had to make an educated guess. “The hacker…!?” I blurted out nervously. “Smart lady.” he replied. I thought, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Not Seven, shit, this is how I die. Or get raped.” 

He started to speak and said that he was the one that talked to me about the missing phone. He didn’t look like the guy in the picture he sent. I was such a fucking moron. I had nobody to blame but myself for being in this awkward situation. He kept talking about stuff about an invitation to paradise and that he was responsible for the weird email that members from the RFA got. It was all connected. As the hacker spoke, my anxiety was getting worse. I was holding back tears while I could feel my heart trying to burst out of my chest. He wanted me to go with him. What the fuck? I snapped back to my senses. “What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere.” I said sternly and changed my expression from fear to anger. “Sorry, but you don’t have any say.” was his response. Pffft. He kept talking but now I was just getting annoyed. I mean, I knew I got myself into this mess but there was no way in hell I was letting myself get kidnapped. I could hear footsteps in the hallway and remembered that Seven was on his way, I prayed to the gods that it was him and raised my voice “I’m not going anywhere!! Seven!! Help me!!” The hacker got pissed that I was resisting. He kept talking shit about Seven and all I could do was pray that he would reach me in time.

I was unarmed in front of a psycho, heavily regretting not taking Tae Kwon Do classes when I was younger. The security system started acting up again and the hacker got nervous. It wasn’t him messing with it so I figured Seven was nearby. My prayers were answered. I heard the door. It was Seven, he arrived. He finally got to the apartment. My stomach flipped. The hacker started freaking out, he wasn’t expecting company, he grabbed my arm and made me jump over the broken glass to hold me hostage. “Seven!!!! Save me!!!!” I shouted when I heard his voice at the entrance. He called my name. The hacker was baffled at Seven’s sudden appearance. He quickly assessed the situation. When he saw the broken window he told me to be careful of the glass and then addressed the hacker again, telling him to let me go. The hacker seemed to know Seven, I thought “Maybe they met at a hacker convention or was from the Hackers chasing Hackers group.”

When the hacker took off his mask Seven’s face contorted. He looked shocked. I spoke up “Seven! What’s going on? Tell me!” He stammered. The hacker still had a grip on me and said, “Today must be my unlucky day to see you here.” He kept talking to Seven and I tried to think of a way to get out of his arms without stepping on the glass. Why did I have to be barefoot at that moment? I cursed myself for not buying a pair of slippers.

Seven finally responded to the hacker and addressed him as Saeran warily. The hacker replied “Don’t call me that. You don’t deserve to say that name.” Ugh, I had no idea what the hell was going on between them, I felt completely out of place in the hacker face off. I swear it was like a scene from a goddamn movie, but there was no camera crew rolling. The conversation got heated and the hacker’s hold got tighter every time he replied to Seven. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. Seven pleaded with the other hacker to let me go so Saeran asked him if he had feelings for me. I looked to the floor. “…Even if I do, it’s useless.” was his reply. I felt my eyes watering. When Saeran said he could do whatever he wanted to me to make Seven suffer I got pissed. I shouted in his ear to let me go. He tightened his grip and told me not to fight. Pffft. “He lowered his voice and said playfully “You don’t want him to see anything inappropriate, do you?” I thought, “Shit, shit, shit, this guy is scary and dangerous.” I started panicking again but he was holding me so tight I couldn’t hyperventilate properly so I gasped. Seven called me and when I looked at him he told me to stay still. I tried my best to calm down. Saeran started rambling about the things he was going to do to Seven. Seven was looking desperate and offered himself in exchange but then the special security system went off. Saeran freaked. Seven had restarted the system when he arrived and it had started to target Saeran, saying it sensed the location of a stranger and that it was adjusting its target. “Yup, this is how I die. Blown to bits with hackers.” I thought. Seven spoke up “It’s sensing you as a stranger, Saeran.” Saeran couldn’t believe it. Seven told him the place was gonna blow if he stayed.

The alarm went off again saying there would be a 20 second countdown after completing backup. Seven started shouting that we were all gonna die if he didn’t get out. That was my cue to do something. Saeran cursed and Seven screamed at me. I bit Saeran’s arm to get myself free when he flinched and loosened his grip. He yelled in pain and I jumped over the glass to Seven, he caught me and looked at Saeran while I straightened myself and he mumbled something. There were less than 10 seconds remaining before the bomb would go off. He screamed for Saeran to get out or he’ll die. Saeran cursed and promised revenge and left the same way he came. The alarm stopped sensing him and reverted to lookout mode. I took a deep breath. My mind was blank. I looked at Seven and asked him if he was okay. I instantly regretted asking that. It was a stupid question. We almost died. He said “I don’t know… I don’t think both of us are okay…” Understatement of the year. I tried to catch my breath and asked him how he knew that man. I was flabbergasted when Seven said that man is his twin brother. “What the fuck?” is what I wanted to screech but thought it would be incredibly disrespectful. I was still clueless as to what I had gotten myself into. Seven calmly said that I wasn’t supposed to find out about this and to please keep it a secret or just forget it. No one in the RFA could find out. My mind was in disarray but the look on Seven’s face was making my heart ache. I told him it was alright and that I trusted him. He just saved my life. I was sure that what was happening was a piece of a much bigger picture and who was I to judge him? He thanked me. I should’ve been the one thanking him. I kept silent while he spoke. He felt responsible for it all and apologized for putting me in danger, even though technically I let myself get in danger but whatever. He had brought his equipment with him and said he’d start fixing the security system. I realized I was still holding on to him as he spoke I nodded when he finished and swiftly let him go.

I let him work in silence, I’m sure he needed space and quite frankly so did I. I sat on the couch to check my social media. My friends and family were doing well. I almost died and nobody except the RFA would’ve known about it. I started sending messages to the few people I still cared about. I felt like shit. I couldn’t talk about what had just happened to me to anyone that knew me. I opened the RFA app to check who was online, I needed to vent. I was surprised to see Seven logged in, but then again, not reallly.

It was a little unnerving chatting with him since we were just a few feet away but I knew it was for the benefit of the other members. Zen logged in and asked if I was okay. I sighed and smiled a bit. I honestly felt like crying but I didn’t want to worry Seven more than he already was so I said I was fine. Seven had warned me to keep Saeran a secret so the conversation with Zen was vague. Seven said he would keep me safe and leave once he finished fixing the security system and that I shouldn’t worry about his agency work. I really wished I could tell Zen the details about what happened but I promised Seven I wouldn’t so I avoided revealing any information I wasn’t supposed to say. Seven logged off to take a shower and Zen suddenly got concerned about a guy being alone in the apartment with me. I stifled a laugh. If only he knew how a near death experience can kill a libido. I reassured him nothing would happen. I could hope, but I knew it wasn’t happening. Zen got hot and bothered and wished for nothing to happen between Seven and me and logged off. At this point I was chuckling. Seven heard me laughing and asked what I was laughing about and I responded it was just something Zen said.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was still in shock after the whole Saeran fiasco. I almost got kidnapped, could’ve been raped, taken to a cult. Ugh, it was too much. I was glad when Seven stepped out of the bathroom so I could take a shower myself. I desperately needed to clear my mind and the running water helped soothe my thoughts for a while.

Seven was waiting for me to step out of the shower. He apologized for “barging in my space” and that he was going to stay in the corner, don’t mind him and whatever. I told him I wasn’t uncomfortable at all and that he could make himself at home. He insisted he felt better that way. His plans were to stabilize the security system, finish researching Magenta, and then head over there. My heart sank a bit when he said he didn’t want to be alone with me like this but that we weren’t left a choice. I had to admit that we were in an uncanny predicament. “Still, you’re more reliable than a CCTV.” I said in a feeble attempt to make him feel better. “That’s true.” he said. But then he fucked up my illusion by saying that I shouldn’t feel safe about him because he didn’t have a good reputation. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? I felt frustrated. He explained by saying that it might be more dangerous for him to be there. Right, he’s a secret agent that ran off from his job to come save me. I felt like an idiot. He was on the run and I was thinking of throwing myself at him. He said it would take the agency some time to find him since nobody else knew the address and he left his car far away on purpose, but I was crestfallen when he said he would disappear from the face of the Earth once he finished his work. He reiterated that I shouldn’t get close to him. I think I lost count how many times he said that in different ways. To make his point more clear he even offered to draw a line in the corner. I tried to plead with him but he wanted me to pretend he wasn’t there. Kinda hard though, he smelled like Honey Buddha Chips.

I tried to reason with him but he was adamant that the only reason he was there was for my safety and nothing else. He made his point and turned his back on me. I was going to say something else but I sighed instead and went to lie down for a while.

I could hear Seven cursing between mumbles, I didn’t want to interrupt him so I grabbed my headphones and blasted some music while I tried to finish my neglected work. Things slowly started to feel somewhat normal. I pretended he wasn’t there like he asked me to and I could finally keep my mind busy with work. I managed to chat a bit with Jaehee when I was taking a break. I assured her everything was fine. Depending what your definition of fine was. I didn’t feel fine, but I tried my best to not express my concerns. Seven can read everything that’s in the chat so I had to keep up appearances.

Every now and then I spied on Seven, I started to envy his typing skills. If I could type that fast I could finish work so much faster. His fingers were like a blur, I looked away quickly when I thought he caught me. I smirked a bit when I fantasized what other things his fingers were capable of doing. I started to feel tingly and ashamed. I wish he would walk towards me and tell me that I’m fine as he winked. He would hold me in a soft embrace. I’d bury my face on his chest and then he’d place his lips on my neck and nibble playfully while his hands would slip between my thighs and his fingers glided inside me without resistance. Yes God 707. I think I made a sound because Seven gave me a look and I blushed.


	4. Stupid Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and 707 alone in the apartment. Tension in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story follows 707's route very closely so there are spoilers.

Dear diary,

Jumin insists I see a shrink. I keep turning down the offer. I know he means well, he’s worried about me and I appreciate the gesture. I’ve been through a lot after all. I just don’t see the point of it. There are things that have happened to me that concern other people and it would betray their trust if I talk about it with someone else. I know that psychologists have a patient confidentiality agreement but it wouldn’t feel right. Jaehee was the one that suggested I get a journal. Bless her kind heart. She read an article about people with PTSD and thought it would be a great idea for me to try. Ever since I started writing here I can feel myself accepting the past. It hasn’t been easy recalling my first days in the RFA, but I think it’s been therapeutic. I’ve been strong all this time for the sake of my friends but sometimes you need a friend to talk about your friends and sadly there’s no one I can trust. I bear secrets I have to keep so instead of bottling it all up I found this release. I mean, how would I explain to someone outside of the RFA about Saeran? That’s impossible. Even I can’t make sense of him sometimes, that’s the reason I’m writing this journal in the first place. Hopefully in writing everything I can sort my mind and make peace with it all.

The day after he broke into the apartment I was a mess. The fact that Seven was being so cold to me didn’t help at all but when I thought about what he was going through, I cast my selfish feelings aside. I did not know how to deal with the situation. I was grateful for the RFA chats with the other members to provide the perfect distraction although it wasn’t easy explaining why there was a bomb in the apartment. They didn’t know Rika was crazy, nobody did. When the repair man that fixed the window left I made an attempt to talk to Seven. I mentioned his brother and in retrospect that was a dumb move. Of course he was sensitive about the subject and refused to talk about it. He scolded me for being calm and trying to strike up conversation with him. He thought I was strange and questioned why I wasn’t scared about living with a bomb. I didn’t have a straight answer to give him so I told him how I felt, that I didn’t feel scared with him here. I mean yeah, I was scared. I was almost blown to pieces but having him there with me I felt peaceful. Like the world could burn around me and I would be ok with that as long as I could stare into his golden eyes. When he asked me why I wasn’t angry at him for putting me in danger I felt a little embarrassed. I really couldn’t blame him for what happened. I put myself into that situation, I was simply ignorant of the fact that there was a bomb in the apartment. I told him that if it weren’t for him, I would’ve been kidnapped and thanks to him, I was fine. He was persistent in taking the blame and regretting all the shit that went down since I joined the RFA. I guess life would’ve been different if I hadn’t joined, but thanks to me Seven got to meet his brother so it all wasn’t so bad. It was just a very difficult situation. After he had his say he put on his headphones to continue ignoring me. It was infuriating but I knew he had to focus on work and at least he didn’t have to worry about me anymore since I was within his eyesight. I kept feeling bad that Seven was so torn up about what happened. I tried being supportive, I mean there’s only so much blame a person can take, it’s not like he knew this was going to happen. The fact that nobody knew where V was made it worse. I didn’t get any work done that day, I was too depressed to concentrate so I basically spent my time on the phone switching between social media and RFA chats. I kept trying to comfort everyone and provide hope that everything would be fine. I wanted everything to be fine.

I asked him if he was okay not eating anything but I might as well have asked the wall. There was still a sandwich left in the refrigerator that he had made, there were 3 and I ate the ham one for lunch and he had the egg, there’s the tuna left, I wanted to ask him if he wanted to share it. I cut the sandwich in half and sat at the table, when I finished eating it I noticed a book and picked it up. When I opened it there was a floppy disk inside. My curiosity was piqued. Seven saw what I was doing and snatched the book from behind me. I was startled. I looked up to see a very angry face. “What are you doing right now?” he asked me. Ummmm, being an idiot apparently, nothing new. I thought. “I don’t know if you’re just lighthearted or dumb.” he said to me. I didn’t answer that but, yeah, probably both. He took a deep breath and I prepared myself to whatever he had to say. He gave me the curiosity killed the cat speech and reiterated that I shouldn’t acknowledge his presence, the things he does, or whatever he brought with him. This wasn’t going well but I had to say something about it, I was feeling vulnerable and very tired so I went ahead and said “I just want to get close to you… is that wrong?” I knew it was wrong. But my mind was a mess and having him there so close to me I couldn’t help but have feelings. He might as well have hit me with the book he was holding when he said very sternly that he didn’t want to get close to me at all. Once again he said that we can’t be close or friends or whatever. My eyes got watery when he said in a condescending tone “No matter how much you try to get to know me, it’s useless.” I think a slap across would’ve been less painful. But I was persistent. I knew he was pushing me away because he didn’t want to see me get hurt, but that’s my choice to make. I’m the one choosing how to live my life, even if those choices are questionable. I swallowed the lump in my throat and asked him if he could spend some time with me after work. I stood up to face him. I was serious. He was incredulous. He scoffed and questioned me, “Did you even listen to what I just said?” I sighed. I knew how the conversation was going to end. He was going to tell me to forget about him, turn his back on me and continue the silence game. He repeated more or less the same crap as before and went back to work. Yup, I guessed right. I was tempted to ask him if he was having dinner but I didn’t want to push it. His angry face is just as scary as his brother’s. And remembering Saeran trying to kidnap me only fueled my anxiety.

I left him alone as per his request. I sat on the couch and continued switching between social media and RFA chats. Jaehee stayed at the office until very late at night waiting for V to call. I was as supportive as I could and hoped for V to call. Yoosung’s mom went back home and the poor kid missed her. I told him he should be a better son and call his mom more often.. We ended up talking about the Indie Game Association, I really couldn’t think about the RFA party but I thought it was a good idea to invite them. Since I was getting any of my work done I could at least keep answering emails for the RFA.

V showed up in the chat close to midnight and apologized for putting me in danger then Seven logged on to interrogate him. V had bad reception where he was and that’s why he was unreachable. He called Jumin because every time he called Seven the bug detector turned on so he came to the chat. Seven asked to relocate me but V said the party was in 3 days and that I could be moved after that, and have Seven stay with me until then. Seven agreed that it was safer to stay still since the security system was safe again. But then V asked him for a favor, he reminded him that all the information in the apartment was classified. And Seven’s like, “Yeah, that’s why I put the bomb.” and V just says “Yes.” I remember staring at my phone and asking myself “What the fuck is wrong with you people?” “Who talks like this?” “How is this a casual conversation?” Then he said that there some personal letters in the drawer and to please not touch them. I scoffed. I’m not sure if he was aiming the message at me, which I doubt since everything in the damn apartment is under lock except for the kitchen cabinets, refrigerator, and bathroom. So I typed “Are you doubting Seven.” The guy had been loyal this long, I really think the warning was uncalled for. V claimed that he was doubting Seven but Seven got offended and remarked back if V thought that he’d look at RFA’s secret documents without his permission. V tried to defend himself by saying that it was just out of caution because he didn’t want to rehash things related to Rika that would hurt him. Nobody understood him. He apologized but Seven felt that V was suspecting him. I kept on reading their chat and said that maybe the letters might really be there. I didn’t want Seven getting more upset than he was. I could see it in his face. V said something about what Rika told him and Seven said to stop making excuses. The chat got heated between them. Seven was genuinely worried about him and got pissed that all V did was talk about some private letters. I told Seven to calm down and listen to V. The way he was holding his phone it’s a miracle it didn’t break in his hands but all he wanted was some answers and all V was full of excuses and apologies. V assured him that everything would be taken care of when he got back and they’d talk in person, that just made Seven angrier. So he asked V about Saeran and V played dumb, saying he didn’t know what he was talking about, that he heard wrong, he didn’t want to talk about it there, etc. Seven wasn’t taking no for an answer and demanded from V to say what he knew about Saeran. I told Seven that he shouldn’t drive V to a wall. I knew he wanted answers but he clearly wasn’t going to get any from V like that. And Seven said he saw Saeran with his own eyes and V still played dumb. Seven wanted an explanation and V said that he must have seen wrong. I didn’t know what was happening at the time but I suspected that V wasn’t being honest, and he was the blind one, not Seven. I could hear Seven sobbing, he was broken. He wanted to know why his brother turned into a hacker and faced off with him, because V was supposed to take care of him. The explanation never came, V said he had bad service and logged off. Seven was cursing. “He must have really bad service.” I typed. Which he did say that at the beginning so for all we knew that could’ve been true. Seven didn’t care anymore. Whatever trust he had in V was gone from that point on.

I felt conflicted. I wanted to be there for Seven but he didn’t want me. I left the couch and when I was walking towards the bed I heard a voice that made me jump. It was coming from a toy cat. I heard Seven telling it to shut up. The toy cat kept on speaking, trying to cheer up Seven. I remembered that Seven had made a robot dog that spit fire, he had posted the photo in the chat, so I was amused to see the cat robot in person, but Seven was pissed and not in the mood, he kept telling it to be quiet. The robot cat knew about the conversation he had with V and was repeating some of the things from the chat. I felt bad. But Seven shouted at it to shut up and the robot cat did the opposite. I decided to step in. I spoke softly to Seven “That robot… you made it then.” he replied “Don’t worry about it.” and told the robot cat to go away. The cat told him that it couldn’t leave because it sensed depression, meow, cheer up, meow. It was so cute, but Seven was getting agitated again and it’s been a long day. He was at his limit, especially after what had happened with V. I spoke to the cat robot saying “Meowy, let’s stay quiet for now.” and it surprised me when it said there’s a voice it had to absolutely obey. I guess it referred to me because it said that’s the way it was programmed and it was going to shut down. The cat robot powered down and Seven’s face softened a little.

“Whew, finally it’s quiet.” he said. I was hesitant to say something, so I spoke quietly in case he chose to ignore me. “Things didn’t seem to go well with V, are you okay?” I said and looked towards the floor. He called my name and I looked up at him. He said “I know it’s funny to say all this after I told you to stop paying attention to me. But whatever happens, don’t trust what V says. I’m not joking.” Then he went on saying that I shouldn’t be involved with the RFA anymore and that V told him not to open the drawer because there’s something in there and when he found out that Seven was here he got nervous and said those things because if I were the one to try and open anything the alarm would go off. I figured as much so I asked “Why don’t you open the drawers?” and he replied that he would some day but not at that moment. He was convinced that there was something that an RFA member shouldn’t see. His faith in V was shattered and he was barely keeping sane. I made another effort to be supportive and asked him if there really was nothing I could do to help. He said not to worry but I could tell the toll it taking on him. I said cheerfully maybe there might really be love letters in there. Seven didn’t need additional burdens. He called me innocent and naive and thought that given the situation I’m very easy to manipulate and exploit. Ouch, thanks. He declared I should forget everything about the RFA including the party, that it was dangerous for me to stay in a place like this, and as soon as the hacker issue was solved I ought to leave. I didn’t like his tone.

I couldn’t describe what I felt with words, all I knew was that I was willing to follow this crazy red head to the end of the world if necessary. He continued to speak in a raised voice “How can you stay so calm! I can’t understand. If you get in danger again…! Then I’ll..!” He was so angry he couldn’t finish his sentences. I tried to assuage him by saying that I knew he was worried about me but to please stop avoiding me. He looked exhausted. He chuckled and said I was free to think whatever I wanted but to just stop it. He was stubborn and repeated that after the hacker thing was solved and I was safe, we would never see each other again. According to him I was wasting my emotions on him, he didn’t deserve my feelings, they were a waste. I felt wasted. I couldn’t even feel my face anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to say more. He started cursing and saying not to look at him like that. I was beyond tired. My eyes were bleary. He said he was going to the hallway and that he’d come back when I was asleep and that in the mean time, sort my emotions. I went to the bathroom to wash my face. I looked like shit, felt like shit, and didn’t give a shit. “Sort your emotions.” I repeated in a mocking tone to the mirror. 

What an asshole. I thought. His words made perfect sense but the rejection is what got me. “Why do you do this to yourself?” I said to my reflection. “’Cause you’re an idiot.” I replied. I brushed my teeth and went to bed. I had barely slept the night before after the attempted kidnapping and then the shitstorm got bigger after what happened with V. Seven was barely hanging on to his sanity and the more I tried to support him the deeper I fell in love, depression, and self-loathing.

I couldn’t sleep after our fight. The pain in my chest from crying so hard was making it difficult for me to breathe. I managed to calm down a bit and got up to get my phone. I chatted for a while with Jaehee and Yoosung. They read the conversation with V and were in shock. I suppose I would’ve been too. Yoosung didn’t like V at all as far as I knew so he was always skeptical about him, Jaehee was more objective, she wanted to make a decision based on facts and there wasn’t a lot to go on. It was late and they eventually logged off. I still couldn’t sleep after that. I kept thinking about Seven. My heart was in turmoil but I was more concerned about him. Around 3am I logged into the messenger and found him online. He decided to reveal the truth about Saeran and what V had to do with him. That way all the members could formulate their own opinions. My eyes still stung but exhaustion won me over. I slept an unrestful sleep.

I woke up early so I didn’t really sleep much. My head hurt and I was dehydrated. I got up to drink water and saw Seven sleeping on the couch. He looked so peaceful. It had been a nerve wracking 48 hours for us and the worse was yet to come. I couldn’t have known at the time but as I watched him sleep I felt that this was the right thing to do. I was lost, alone, and out of place but ever since I joined the RFA I established a bond with these people. We shared our joys, worries, and thoughts. How could I give this up? I couldn’t picture myself going back home and forgetting them. I placed my blanket over Seven and went to the kitchen. I didn’t want him to wake up and see my face staring at him. I feared another confrontation. I wasn’t prepared to start the day with a fight. I had to recuperate from the emotional roller coaster. I made coffee and logged into the chat. Zen and Jumin were there. It was all about V and the party. I couldn’t say much because I never knew him that well and if Jumin wanted to continue the party preparations so that it wouldn’t go to waste, that was his problem. I could understand how he wanted to feel productive, especially when his best friend was being incredibly irresponsible. Zen was more emotional about it, he was clearly aggravated and wasn’t fond of Jumin’s idea to continue with the party. I told him to calm down and clear his head so he logged off to go jog. I wished I could run from my problems too. I was too scared to leave the apartment in case Saeran was lurking. I had left the day before to get some things from the convenience store and Seven called me all freaked out, scolding me about the danger I was in and that I shouldn’t have left without telling him. I did tell him but he wasn’t listening. I tried my best not to laugh during the call but I have to admit it was a bit careless of me.

Someone had tried to kidnap me. What the fuck was I thinking? I blamed the lack of sleep and hunger. His concern was touching. When I got back he interrogated me and reminded me to never leave his sight and I nodded. I wanted to avoid any further scoldings so I stayed put. Eventually he woke up and I avoided his gaze. The apartment is like an open studio so there’s really not a lot places I can sit where he can’t see me besides the bathroom. It’s perfect under the circumstances since he needs to keep an eye on me but after what happened the night before I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide. Every time I looked at him I could remember the painful words he hurled at me so that I’d keep my distance. It got worse when he logged into the chat with Yoosung. More or less the same things he had said to me last night he repeated them to Yoosung. Poor boy was hurt. Seven was being the cold and unfeeling secret agent that had to cut ties with everyone he knew and Yoosung wasn’t ready for that, all he knew was the quirky 707 that said funny things so seeing the serious and dark side of Luciel was heartbreaking for him. All Yoosung wanted was to help Seven but that wasn’t happening.

Seven was on a lone crusade to save his brother and didn’t want anyone in the RFA involved. I could understand him but it was still harsh. Yoosung logged off, he wasn’t okay and needed space. I could relate. At least for him it was all in a chat. He didn’t have front row seats to Seven’s breakdown, shouting in his face that he didn’t care about him. I felt like shit again. I heard the robot cat speaking again and Seven mumbled something. I smirked when the robot cat said “I turn on when I sense depression, meow! You’re with the person you like, meow!” but I could sense Seven getting pissed when the robot cat started repeating “You like, meow!” He cursed and yelled at it to shut up. I heard a crash and stood up to see what had happened. He had thrown the robot cat and it broke when it hit the floor. I gasped and said “I think it’s broken. Can I fix it?” In an angered tone he said “Just leave it, it’s useless. I’ll throw it away later… and I’ll be leaving soon, so just forget about me.” I knew he was upset and that he didn’t want anyone to get hurt or worry about Saeran so I tried to make him feel better and said “I’m sure you’re just upset over Yoosung. Cheer up.” I’m pretty sure it was hard for him to cut ties and focus on the job at hand but he said it was none of my business how he felt. I suppose that was true but it didn’t stop me from worrying. It was agonizing to see him in so much pain. He opened up a bit and said that I didn’t know how he felt and there wasn’t a single day that he wasn’t depressed. I knew how that felt but for different reasons. He said it was all a lie, the jokes, the pranks, the laughs. He didn’t want me to think of him, I should only worry about my protection.

I was tired. I spat back that I could protect myself, that I was pretty strong. He told me that I was underestimating my opponents and that I would be in danger with that attitude. Well, I guess he was right. I did get myself into that situation and almost got kidnapped or killed. He then compared me to Yoosung, that we don’t have a care in the world. I didn’t want to keep fighting but I was sick of him trying to push me away. I looked into his anguished eyes and spoke up “I just want to be with you because I like you.” He got exasperated. “How many times do I have to repeat myself? I can’t be with you. We can’t be anything together!” I flinched. I could feel my eyes getting bleary again. I didn’t want to cry but it was too painful. I wiped my face and stared at the floor. He continued his rant about living a temporary life as an agent that all was meant to disappear eventually. He wasn’t meant to have a real life and so on. I didn’t understand how it felt to live that kind of life. Of course I didn’t, but I saw a broken man standing in front of a broken woman and hoped that they could fix each other.

When I looked up at him he raised his voice and shouted at me to not be nice to him and to please get away from him and leave him alone. I sobbed quietly and he shouted that the person I liked was the 707 from the chat and not him. I pleaded with him to let me understand the person in front of him. He started to turn his back on me just like last night. I wasn’t going to let him this time. I wasn’t going to let him go. I lurched forward and held on to him. My sobs got worse. My face was pressed to his back. He called my name softly. “Why are you doing this to me?” he asked. I couldn’t answer, I was crying on his back. He started repeating that he couldn’t embrace anything, that his life was wrong, full of lies and danger, he couldn’t even protect his only brother, and had to abandon the person he liked. He said his life was good for nothing and that he didn’t want to involve me in that kind of life. It was too late, I was already involved. “Why can’t you understand me?” he asked. I was still holding on to him. I pushed my face to the side so my voice wouldn’t be muffled by his jacket. I cleared my throat and said “I like the Seven that’s in front of my eyes regardless of how complicated your life is, I want to know.” I felt a tear land on my hand. He called me and said, “Don’t do this, please.” he stammered and started to say things like “I cherish you and want to make you happy…” but that he couldn’t. He asked me why I wanted to be with him when he was so dangerous. Stupid love I thought to myself and held him tighter.

“Why do you like me?” he asked. I raised my voice and told him “There is no reason. I just like you. That’s how I feel…!” He scoffed and said I was impossible. I smirked a bit. “You’re so strange.” he said. I giggled a little. “I feel like I’m going strange too.” he continued. “Why aren’t you giving up? Why aren’t you getting hurt and abandoning me?!” he asked desperately. I was hurt but I would never abandon him. I cared for him too much. I squeezed him tighter. He expressed his concerns again about the dangers of being with him, as if he didn’t say it a million times already. I assured him I was okay with that and that I didn’t regret my feelings towards him. He sighed. I felt his lungs inhale and exhale, I loosened my grip a little. He said in his soft voice “I don’t know anymore.” He walked a step forward and I let him go. He turned to face me and said “Do what you want. No matter how much I push you away, I can’t do anything about your feelings. Nothing good will happen by being close to me… It’ll be too late to regret it later.” He had a point, but I couldn’t go back to a life without him in it. I said in a cheerful tone “There’s no way I’ll regret being with the person I like.” and beamed at him. He blushed and said that I shouldn’t say that so easily. He got serious again and cursed and went off on another rant saying “Why are you saying that? Why are you putting me in trouble? I told myself I would never want to be close to someone… but you’re making me feel complicated.” You and me both I thought. I didn’t think I could feel love again. He looked at me with his golden eyes and flushed cheeks and said “I can’t believe you’re getting to me… God, what am I supposed to do now?” He finally stopped pushing me away. I smiled and said “First, take some time and think about accepting me.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them he replied “Alright. I need time.” I beamed again and said “Then I’ll wait.” He thanked me and I playfully punched his shoulder. He chuckled and shaked his head. “You’re impossible.” he said. I walked past him towards the kitchen to get us some water. We drank in silence and when he was done he went back to work.

He kept busy and I did the same. After the attempted kidnapping I had pretty much blown off work and since I had sorted out my feelings with Seven I could finally concentrate, sort of. I popped into the chat a few times to let everyone know how he was doing. After a few hours I decided to check on him. He said he was fixing what he broke earlier. His voice got sad all of a sudden and mentioned that if something happened to him that at least he could talk to me. I was a little confused at first until I remembered the robot cat. I couldn’t see what he was doing but he said that the AI program he installed on it is similar to 707’s way of talking in the chat. No wonder it sounded funny and cute when I first heard it. He told me he was going to finish fixing it quick. I asked him in a soft voice if he could fix it while talking to me? I really wanted to talk to him but I was treading lightly, I got flashbacks of our fight and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. He raised an eyebrow at me and said he wasn’t surprised to hear me say that. I smiled a little. “You really can’t be discouraged, can you?” he asked. And I beamed at him. He shifted so that he was facing me and said “Now that we’re talking about it, you don’t say those things to other people, do you?” My eyes widened and then I lifted an eyebrow. He went on saying “You might not know, but there are a lot of dangerous men in this world. If you’re too nice, you might end up facing a lot of trouble.” I snickered and said “I was just being honest because I like you, Seven.” I think I saw him blush. He told me to be careful about saying things like that and corrected himself to never say things like that, especially to other guys. I smiled. He looked so cute acting jealous and then he started rambling and I giggled. I leaned in a little closer and said “I genuinely like you Seven. I don’t say this to others.” His cheeks were flushed and he made the cutest face when he said “Oh… Alright. As long as you don’t say it to everyone else.”

I was going to lean in a bit closer but then he said “Ugh… I feel hot. Let’s talk about something else.” Boundary issues. I got it. It was too soon. He still needed space and the guy was trying to work. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking, that was the problem. There I was ready to throw myself at him again without thinking that I was next to a bomb and a hacker was trying to kidnap me. I’m really a horrible person but I knew that, he didn’t, yet. He said he doesn’t usually talk when he’s working but that because I wanted to he had to think. He wondered out loud what we should talk about. First thing that came to his mind was my safety. I had a different kind of safety in mind but oh well, it wasn’t my fault I was getting turned on by being so close to him. He asked me if there was anything I wanted to know, especially since he strengthened the security system. He explained that he upgraded it but that talking about it would be boring since the jargon is complicated. I smirked at his nerdiness. He wanted to be open and insisted I ask him anything, that he would tell me everything he knew. He had avoided talking about the hacker every time I’d mentioned it so I asked him about his brother.

Pretty sure that’s not what he expected, he looked surprised and blurted out his brother’s name. I felt bad. His face immediately scrunched up. He took a deep breath and said “I guess hiding it doesn’t mean anything now… I’ll tell you a bit.” I waited eagerly and he started with “You remember that floppy disk from before? I’ll show you what’s in there, so come here.” I followed him to Rika’s computer. He turned it on and inserted the floppy disk. Inside there were photos of a young red haired boy with golden eyes, I thought it was Seven but he said “That boy there is Saeran.” He had mentioned that Saeran was his twin brother, but what the pictures revealed to me is that they’re identical twins. He broke my reverie and continued talking “He would’ve been in high school in that photo, but he never went to school. He was always weak and got sick a lot. I pointed out “You two look so similar.” “Because we’re twins.” he replied. “We look alike but our personalities were very different. When Saeran was with me, he was barely able to leave home. We grew up in a very complicated household. Our father is one of the presidential candidates at the moment.” My mouth gaped. I was in shock. He quickly added “I won’t tell you who, since you might get in danger. Even before he was elected as congressman, he was an honorable man on the outside. But… he and my mother had twins without marrying. Of course our father probably didn’t know about us when we were born since she asked for money in return for keeping quiet about us.” Damn, no wonder he was so broken. I just wanted to hug him but I let him keep on talking, I was glad he opened up to me, I didn’t want to ruin the moment. He talked about his mother and how she wouldn’t let them leave the house and she didn’t consider them children, but more like tools to threaten their dad. It was horrible listening to his story. My eyes started to get teary. Apparently their father had tried to kidnap them several times. Their mom was an alcoholic and half insane most of the time. I immediately thought of Saeran trying to kidnap me and a lot started to make sense. Seven continued “Putting it into words really makes me realize how impossible my family was.” I understand how he felt now. The same way he felt when he spoke to me about his past life is how I feel writing in this diary. He was relieved to get his story out of his chest and now I’m doing the same.

When I asked him how he learned hacking if he grew up like that he explained that he was the healthier out of the two, so he’d leave the house when his mom’s alcoholism was at its worst. She’d send him on errands and he was smart to analyze her patterns to leave the house when she couldn’t catch him. He met V and Rika at the church he visited. Later he was baptized as Luciel, learned computers, and became hopeful of escaping from his parents. They had noticed how proficient he was in math and computers and he got some training. He had found his talent and discovered a sense of self. He felt there wasn’t any way he could save Saeran, tried as he might. His father gained became more powerful and the twins lived in fear of him taking them out of the picture. It was thanks to V that he was able to abandon his family, identity, and live abroad where his father couldn’t track him. V and Rika had promised him to take good care of his brother, that was the only reason why he was able to leave Korea. He felt bad because he had promised Saeran that he’d always be with him, protect him, and he broke that promise by trusting V. Seven had left without saying goodbye. He mentioned that in hindsight, he was mad that he didn’t have any doubts about that course of action. I thought, “How could he? He was just a kid and V and Rika were young and stupid. He saw them as role models since he lacked decent authority figures growing up. How could he blame himself for that?”

I felt a tug in my heart when he said he missed his brother terribly ever since he left. I put my hand on his shoulder and said “I feel so bad that you had to go through all that…” He replied with “A secret agent doesn’t need such a back story… but, I couldn’t be an agent who abandons his past completely, I couldn’t let go of my brother… so I kept begging Rika to tell me how Saeran was doing. She saved these photos on the disc and sent it to me in secret to congratulate my 20th birthday.” I thought; “How nice of her to send old pictures, if Seven is 22, she sent them 2 years ago, and Saeran was a teen in the pictures, I would’ve been suspicious but I guess he was just too excited to actually see a photo of his brother.” He continued talking about what Rika told him about Saeran until he said he wanted to stop talking about his brother. He said that talking to me made him want to talk more and that made me happy. I told him “They say that talking about things makes you feel better. Thanks for talking with me.” and I smiled. “Thank you for listening to my story. This is funny… but I want you to remember me even if I disappear. That just crossed my mind” he said. I sighed but didn’t say anything. He spoke about how V was the only one that knew his story and that’s why he trusted and relied on him so much. He wanted to find the truth about everything that happened with Saeran, all that V hid, no matter the obstacles, he wasn’t going to give up. He looked into my eyes and said “It won’t be easy. But will you still… be by my side?” “Of course.” I told him. He instinctively responded that once I was safe I could leave whenever I wanted. I thought, “As if I would ever abandon you, I would never.” So he was happy I said I’d stay and he whispered that I would always be in his heart.

To this day I keep trying to make sense about what happened with Saeran at the hands of V and Rika. I can’t. All I can say is that V was incredibly irresponsible.

After the long talk Seven and I popped into the chat, he wanted to apologize to Yoosung for pushing him away and Yoosung logged in just in time. I was glad they made up. Yoosung had no idea how hard it was for Seven to open up and cut the crap with the lone ranger attitude but they both acknowledged that it had to do with me being there for him so that made me feel a bit better. I was still in the process of collecting my thoughts, I felt like the only break I had was when I was working, and that wasn’t a good thing but that’s how Seven and I coped, we dove into work mode. I worked from the bed and Seven from the table. It was nice seeing him off the floor. I told him he could put his stuff on the desk and table, I was fine working on the bed since that’s how I usually worked anyway. Things between us were a lot better than the day before so I really couldn’t complain. I was a little surprised when he asked me to say something about myself. I wanted to change the subject since I didn’t particularly like talking about myself and told him the story about the first day I got here. He found it hilarious that I thought I had joined a mob organization. “C’mon Seven, put yourself in my shoes. Wouldn’t you have thought the same?” I told him with a pouty face and he laughed and mocked me for a while, giving me kudos for thinking the apartment was a safe house and that V was a crime boss. Saying what I did out loud made me self-conscious to the point of embarrassment. “You’re really strange, you know that?” he said to me. “Yeah, I know.” I answered.

I popped into the chat when I took a break from work, Zen and Jumin were there. Chatting with them always makes me laugh, their different personalities clash and provide entertainment. I felt a little bad when Jumin said he was the only one that cared about the party, that wasn’t entirely true though, I sort of cared since I had put effort into it but I had other matters that were more pressing. After all, my life was in danger, even if the idea was still difficult to accept. When they logged off I went back to work, a while had passed and Seven announced that he had turned off the the security system for a minute. I got off the bed and walked towards the desk when he called me. He said he was ready to open the drawer but then asked me if I was ready. I gave him a reassuring smile and said “Yes, break it with a hammer.” I was excited and nervous at the same time. He advised to stay behind him so I wouldn’t get hurt. I think I held my breath as he counted. One, two, bam! It was open and what we saw sure as hell wasn’t love letters. “The logo… from that email…” slipped out of my mouth. “It looks like an early version of that logo… Why is that here?” he asked. Under the logo was a blueprint, he said it was the same building he tracked down Saeran in. Rika was the only one that had access to this place. He kept on assessing the materials he found. I asked him if he thought Rika was a part of Mint Eye. He was reluctant at first but the evidence was right there and he couldn’t deny her involvement. He was determined to go to the Mint Eye building as soon as possible to uncover the truth but he didn’t want to leave me here on my own. “We’ll have to go together, Seven.” I said somewhat cheerfully. He couldn’t believe my words. I’m not sure I did either. I think I was too eager to get myself in danger but I knew I’d follow him anywhere, love made me stupid. He thanked me for trusting him, he was sure it would be safer to go with him than to stay here. I felt fuzzy when he thanked me for my encouragement and that thanks to me he was able to express his emotions. My heart soared. He didn’t want me to ever regret following him. He promised to be by my side to protect and guard me with his life. I knew I loved him and I wanted him to feel whole again and that’s all that mattered to me.

We logged into the chat to tell the members what we found. Jaehee popped in and Seven posted the photo of the Mint Eye materials that were in the drawer. It was shocking news but they had a right to know. Seven informed that he was going to sift through the classified information and then head to the Mint Eye headquarters. She was concerned about me and suggested I stay with them but he told her that I was safest with him since only he could protect me from Saeran. The thought of his twin sent shudders throughout my body, the bad kind. We assured her that we were taking precautions with our plans and that there was no need for concern. We said our goodbyes and logged off. He needed me to help pack. The only thing I regret not packing was a first aid kit. Hindsight 20/20. We were both pretty much sleep deprived so the trip wasn’t well thought out, his logistics were perfect but it was impossible to prepare for every possible scenario on such a short amount of time and limited resources…

When I was about to stand up, my phone rang and it was Seven. Why he likes talking or chatting with me on the phone when we’re in the same room I’ll never know, must be a nerd thing. He was incredibly sweet this time, unlike our last call when he was asking if I was going to eat or not, it was like being scolded by a parent. He had bought sushi and left it on the table and I wanted to wait for him so we could eat together. When I asked why there was only one pair of chopsticks he said it was because I was the only one that was going to eat. I huffed into the phone and said I wasn’t going to eat if he wasn’t going to either. He told be I was being stubborn and that he could eat later. He insisted for me to go to the table but I was resisting. I stifled a laugh and told him to feed me, He said “Fine.” and my expression changed and he said “Why do you look surprised? I said fine. I need to put food in your mouth so come here.” I didn’t know what to say, I think my face flushed and then I answered playfully “Oh my god, so tough.” and I sticked my tongue out. He told me to stop joking around and to come to the table. He finally agreed to eat with me and asked if it was fun to tease me. I thought, “Of course it was. I enjoyed seeing him get flustered.” He sounded so cute I had goosebumps. He hurried me to hang up and eat because he was busy. I giggled and put my phone down to sit with him. “You’re impossible.” he said to me with a smirk and I couldn’t help but smile.

This time around, he knew how worried I was and he wanted to talk about it so that we could get through the situation. He didn’t want me to turn around, just to listen to him. He spoke softly and I closed my eyes, trying to steady myself, I had been anxious after he found the Mint Eye blueprints in the drawer. He said he knew I was trying to hide my worries, he could sense it. Guess I had a bad poker face. At that point I didn’t know what rest and relaxation looked like, I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept well. He expressed his own worries, telling me he didn’t know how it all got to that point, that he should be going through it alone and not have involved me. I asked him if he regretted having me with him. He was concerned for my safety, as always but that didn’t mean he regretted having me by his side. He mused about wanting to be in a relationship where we would laugh, have fun, and fight over nothing, and not a relationship as difficult as this. “We definitely started on the wrong foot.” I thought. He asked me if I thought we could overcome all obstacles, smile in the end, and one day have a happy family. Ever since he met me he had started to have hope. I nodded and said “You can make a family, I’m here.” He felt he didn’t deserve happiness but that with me it could be possible but he quickly added that he was getting ahead of himself, that he needed to bring Saeran back, if he couldn’t protect his brother how could he start a new family? Finally he decided to hang up to speak with me directly so I headed towards to the kitchen.

We got everything ready and Seven went back to his computer to finish the research. I opened the chat and found Yoosung freaking out. He was in denial about Rika’s involvement with Mint Eye. Can’t blame him, she was his role model, same as V was Seven’s role model. Jumin was there too and tried to be logical about it but Yoosung was losing it, we tried to calm him but he left enraged. When I logged off the chat I heard Seven shout and I went to check on him, I guess he had fallen asleep on the desk and woke up startled, I could see keyboard marks on his face, I tried not to laugh and I asked him if he was okay. He apologized for surprising me and said he just had a bad dream, he was fine, just tired. I gave him a quizzical look. He spoke softly to himself that he had to pull himself together to save Saeran. He looked at me and my face softened. He said he was glad I was by his side and thanked me. I smiled.

I was startled when I heard my phone ring and it was Zen. He asked if Seven was with me, he wanted to say something in private so I walked towards the window. He wanted to warn me about late bloomers being the scary ones “The dude got so honest all of a sudden… Uhm… you don’t think he’ll just explode and try to take a advantage of you?” he said seriously. I was holding in a chuckle. “Oh My Zen, why were you doing this?” I thought. He said he could sense it, that I should be careful when a man starts staring at me, he didn’t mean to say Seven was doing that but I should keep it in mind. I was so glad I was looking out the window because I felt a mix of embarrassment and was trying hard not to laugh. Zen was worried and wanted to know my thoughts. He asked what would I want to do when Seven wanted me. I thought, “Whyyyyyyy, why you do dis Zen? Noooooo.”

My brain was racing and Zen wasn’t helping at all saying things like “Slowly?” or that it didn’t matter as long we had feelings for each other. I wanted to melt on the spot when I realized I said “Slowly, I don’t really like going fast.” What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking. Stupid Zen was making me hot and bothered but he was so supportive, telling me to make sure to let Seven know because he had started to open up to me and there was still a lot to discover. My cheeks were practically burning but I couldn’t be mad at Zen when he was being such a sweetheart telling me to ask him questions if I wanted or Jaehee if I felt uncomfortable talking to him, to just consider him my brother. I could see my reflection from the window and I had the stupidest grin on my face, ugh. I held back a giggle and Zen continued saying that those kind of thoughts weren’t going to let him sleep since he cared for the two of us. I was trying so hard not laugh, ugh, Zen, whyyyy. Then he asked me who I thought Seven was as a man. I thought “Was it possible to die of embarrassment? Seven was possibly within hearing distance since it was late at night and the apartment isn’t big.” I took a deep breath and said “Dangerous, but nice and still sexy?” I looked back to make sure Seven wasn’t standing behind me. Zen was surprised at my answer, I heard him fumble with his phone and say “He’s sexy? Dangerous is one thing… and nice is another… but sexy? I can’t let someone take that title from me…” I couldn’t hold it anymore. I laughed. Zen was perplexed and asked “How do you know he’s sexy?” I couldn’t stop smiling, my cheeks started to hurt. He continued saying things like if I was curious about relationships in general I could ask him, just not anything too specific. I had to sit down. I went to the couch and tried to have my back turned to Seven so he couldn’t see my stupid grin. Zen said he was getting hot and that he was going to take a shower to cool off and hung up. I was left with the image of a hot and bothered Zen taking a shower. Oh myyy. Whyyyyyyyy dear lord, whyyyyy. I could picture him shaking his head in the shower as the water fell on his hair, trying to get rid of the mental picture of Seven and me being kinky, but Zen didn’t know what I looked like, I wondered what he was imagining. I was feeling mischievous.

The conversation with Zen had me thinking and feeling all sorts of things. I decided to call Seven on his phone. He answered and laughed. “Why are you laughing?” I asked. He said he noticed me glancing at him while I pressed on my phone so he wondered if I was trying to call him and then I did. “Why are you so cute? I even love how predictable you are.” he said. I ran from the couch to hide my embarrassment, my face was flushed and I couldn’t stop smiling. He couldn’t see me now and asked worriedly why I was running to the kitchen. I said “I’m not in the kitchen. Find me! Hide and seek!” He was amused. “You want to play hide and seek while we’re talking on the phone? Alright…” he played along.

He said I wasn’t echoing that meant I wasn’t in the bathroom. He then tried to spoil my fun by saying that he had attached a GPS device on my clothes. I was tempted to take them off but I shifted a little in my position and tried to hold in my giggling. He asked if he would get a present if he won, “I should have made a bet where I get a wish if I win” he added playfully. He sounded happy, he said it was good to laugh, if we could manage to laugh in that situation, what other miracle could we hope for? He thought it suited us, that no matter what happened, we would look at each other and laugh. He made me promise that from then on we would look at each other, smile, and get through whatever comes and that if we got tired in the process, the robot cat could help us laugh. I whispered on the phone “I want to make you smile too.” He found my hiding spot and said “Then pull your chin out, haha, why are you smiling? You just looked into my eyes… Do you like me that much?” I staggered a bit and turned my face away for a moment pouting towards the wall. He snickered and said “Don’t seem so upset. I like you too.” My heart melted at his words and I looked back at him. He carried on saying “I like you so much… so I want to tease you and see how you react.” I scrunched up my face and pouted again. He sighed and said he was happy we could manage to play in such a small house. I carried on the charade of being upset and said “But you didn’t want to be with me earlier.” I huffed and crossed my arms as I peered at him. “Oh, just forget about that now.” he said apologetically. “What’s important is the present and the future we’ll create together.” he said. I smiled and let my arms fall to my lap.

He raised his eyebrow and said “But there’s a problem right now… you DO realize you’re pretty defenseless right?” I wasn’t sure what he meant so he continued “I’m not a guy who just works. I’m really trying hard right now…” I suddenly remembered the conversation I had with Zen a while ago and my eyes widened. I could imagine him saying “All men are wolves.” as if he were right there next to me and I smiled coyly at Seven. He chortled and said it was funny. “How was that joke?” he pressed and then reassured me that he was super good at holding it in but he asked me if I could please pull down my skirt, it had crawled up when I was laughing. I could hear Zen in my head again talking about unleashing the beast. I lowered my face a bit while holding his gaze and with a grin said “What if I don’t want to? I’m not going to listen to you.” I was being wicked and I knew it. He sounded a little defeated when he said “You’re not? Please… I feel like my nose is gonna start bleeding… I’m sure of it.” He started squirming and talked about needing to go exercise a bit. I could think of an exercise but I dared not say anything, he was getting a bit skittish so I felt uneasy. “I just want to work out my body too, not just my brain.” Ugh, I bit my lip. He lowered his eyes and pleaded for me to be careful of my skirt and apologized. Well that was it for the game, he clearly wasn’t going to go any further so I proceeded to hang up the phone. He tried to stop me but I pretended to spread my legs open and I hung up when he looked away. “Not fair.” he said with a pout of his own.

He looked so adorable. Even at night his hair looks bright. I could stare into his golden eyes forever, they were like children of the sun shining on me and giving me warmth. I playfully punched his shoulder and went to sit on the couch. I needed to charge my phone and collect my thoughts and he still had some work to do before we left. For a while there was silence again. I contemplated taking a nap but I felt too anxious to fall asleep. I wasn’t looking forward to whatever mysteries were ahead but I wanted to be strong for Seven, he needed me and I needed him. I opened the RFA chat and found Zen, he couldn’t sleep either. He saw the Mint Eye documents that Seven had posted. He was appalled at Rika and disappointed in V, he didn’t know what to believe in anymore. We were all torn up about it. Zen, the sweetheart that he always is told me to take good care of Seven, saying that if it had been him, he would’ve gone insane. I’m pretty sure Seven was on the verge of a mental breakdown but it helped that he wasn’t alone. Then again, I dragged myself into it by supporting him and it wasn’t doing me any good either. It felt like I had left one depression and leaped into a new one. I didn’t complain about it. I had nobody to blame but myself. Love makes you do the stupidest things. Zen told me to let him know if Seven found anything else, he was going to go clear his head. I told him not to worry and to get some rest. He was apologetic about complaining when it must’ve been harder for me and he wished me to get some rest. We logged off. It was a heavy burden to carry but I felt at ease knowing that I wasn’t alone. Every time I looked at Seven I could feel hope that everything would be alright and I could sense that he felt the same way. I knew it was going to be a long night so I went to the kitchen to make some coffee. Seven was still sifting through all the information. I sneaked up on him and said “Meow, meow. I wish God Seven would cheer up soon.” He chortled and said “Defender of Justice 707 Will. Not. Miss. A. Single. Clue.” I handed him a Dr. Pepper, he was touched and said “You don’t have to worry about me.” I took a sip of my coffee and I answered “Let me take care of you.” He opened his soda and said “Fine.” I went back to the couch to let him work.

I wanted to feel productive but Seven said he didn’t need anything else. I turned on my computer and sent my boss an email saying I was sick with some virus and that I couldn’t turn in the work on time, I would let her know when I was feeling better and attached what I had done so far. I knew I had to leave my car and computer behind and there was no guarantee we would get back so I had to make sure I left things organized. I replied to a few RFA emails and forwarded them all to Jaehee. Then I checked my social media pages. I queued up some blog posts and wrote a few status updates on my Tripter, the last one read “Going camping on the mountains with friends.” Just in case anything happened to me, I wanted to leave some kind of trace for the few people I still cared about. I packed all my clothes and toiletries in the bag I had bought when I first got here. Seven glanced at me when I dumped the bag by the door, his face creased with worry. “You okay?” he asked. “Yeah.” I replied.

Around 4am Yoosung showed up in the chat. Still shocked from the the revelation of the Mint Eye documents in Rika’s apartment, he had convinced himself that she was threatened to help them. Seven logged on and Yoosung asked him if he found any evidence of Rika being blackmailed or something. Poor boy, so naive. Seven had to burst his bubble when he informed him of what he found in Rika’s agenda. There were notes categorized by RFA and ME, he wanted to believe it was something else but Seven assured him that the address written for ME coincided with Mint Eye’s headquarters. Yoosung was still hopeful of her innocence, despite it all, saying that she must have suffered so much carrying that secret. That much could’ve been true. I suggested that maybe V was the founder of Mint Eye, Yoosung said that it wouldn’t have been weird if that were true. A lot of secrets were floating around. When Yoosung mentioned Saeran, Seven’s face got somber. I wish I could’ve slapped that kid, it hurt me to see him anguished. I was disheartened when Seven said “Saeran had a sad enough life…” I recalled the story he had told me earlier about their childhood. I replied in the chat “I’ll be with you until the truth is revealed, Seven.” He said he wasn’t going to take those words lightly, we would do everything he could to uncover the truth and get his brother back. Yoosung cheered him on, he wanted answers as well since Rika was involved.

I asked him when we were leaving for Mint Eye. He said there wasn’t anything else to uncover at the apartment and it was dawn, so we had to get ready to leave soon. The party was the day after, I told Yoosung we’d miss it but that we’d find the truth, he encouraged us forward. We said our goodbyes and logged off to get ready.

I grabbed my jacket and placed my phone in the front pocket, when I looked up Seven was scrutinizing me, face creased with worry. He spoke softly, saying that he didn’t want to doubt me but it was going to be a dangerous journey. “Are you really… ready?” I sighed and gave him a reassuring smile. I spoke calmly “I can go anywhere if you’re there with me. That won’t change.” My words washed away his worried face and he smiled so brightly and said “Thank you. I really wanted to hear that one more time.” I grabbed my bag and he explained that we would be on the road for a long time, if I got tired I could sleep in the passenger seat. He called me and I turned around to look at him, his face was tinged almost matching the color of his hair. He reassured me that he would make sure to protect me no matter what happened, even if it cost him his life. I smiled at him and he said “I swear it. In that sense, this, you should have this now.” He brought the robot cat and presented it to me. I was taken aback a little. He looked so adorable I thought I was going to cry of joy. “Wow! The robot cat! You… fixed it?” I said in excitement and wonder. He smiled coyly and said “Yes… I originally intended to give it to you. I’m sorry I broke it.” He wanted me to have it as a reminder of the 707 that jokes all the time and is always bright. If anything were to happen to him, he hoped the robot could comfort me a bit. My eyes got bleary, I was so touched. 

He went on to say that he’d never given someone such a caring gift before. He’d always thought of himself as someone that should be forgotten, so he thought it was pointless to give someone something to remember him by. I choked on a sob and he hesitated to continue. He kept smiling and took a step closer to me and said “But… here I am, in front of you, now such a different person. I stand here, hoping to be never forgotten by you. I put my bag down, wiped my eyes and crooned something unintelligible. He kept speaking softly saying that he didn’t deserve to give me a gift, but that if there was a God, he hoped he listened and let him be a bit selfish, return safe from our journey, so that he can give many more gifts in the future. I agreed with him and then he said tenderly “The happiness of having a relationship with someone forever… The hope of meeting a new future with someone… I thought this was a dream I could never achieve as 707. You’ve brought out the new me. I’ll never forget that.” Tears rolled down my face and I wiped them away quickly. He continued “I’ll do my best at life. I’ll protect you with everything I have. Regardless of what truth was waiting for me… I’ll try my best to be calm.” I took the robot cat from his hands and admired it. It turned on and said “Time to leave, meow! Leave, meow!” Seven said that was the alarm, he had set it just before. He’d tell me how the robot operated as we went. He asked if I had all my stuff and to give him the things that were heavy. I nodded and handed him my bag. “Let’s go now.” he said. “Yes, let’s go together.” I replied with a big smile. “Yes, together.” he repeated and smiled back. I circled my arm around his waist and he breathed in a gasp but then chortled and said in his quirky voice “God Seven will protect you and stay by your side.” we laughed and walked down the hallway together. When we reached the elevator I looked back at the apartment door with a keen sense of nostalgia. He asked me if I had left something and I said no, I just had a feeling we would be coming back, and I was right.

Seven had left his car in front of a department store a few blocks away. He apologized for making me walk all that distance. I told him we could’ve just taken my car, he scoffed and said it would take longer if we went in my car. “True.” I said. “Besides, you’ll be a lot safer in my car since my baby is bulletproof.” he said casually. I almost spit my coffee and he advised me to be careful not to spill any liquids inside his car. “Bulletproof?” I asked. “Yes, bulletproof.” he repeated, getting annoyed and added “Just get in, it’s a long way, we’ll have plenty of time to talk.” I shrugged. We got in and off we went.

I had never been inside a luxury sports car before and since it belonged to a secret agent hacker it had a bunch of screens and buttons on the dashboard. When I flipped the visor down to look in the mirror I was greeted with a retina scanner instead. “What the fuck?” I blurted out and flipped the visor back up again. “Oh hooo, what foul language, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Huh, naughty girl?” he said mockingly. I scoffed and said “I’d much rather kiss yours.” He stammered “Aaaah, you shouldn’t say those things. I just didn’t expect to hear that but I don’t mind if you speak that way, I’m just happy you’re here with me. I know this isn’t a happy ride to a date but I’d like for you to enjoy yourself as much as you can.” “I’m sorry Seven, I’m just nervous and I tend to curse a lot when I’m anxious.” I explained. “Okay, okay Miss Pottymouth. God Seven approves.” I told him I avoided expletives in the chat so that I would seem more professional in case Jumin wanted to hire me after the party. I defended myself by saying that I had just met everyone so I was still getting comfortable talking to them, I wasn’t really much of a people person to begin with but knew basic etiquette and it didn’t seem right at the time to be foul mouthed. He said he could understand if that’s the case but that I should avoid working for the trust fund kid unless I wanted to end up like Jaehee, working at all hours like a slave. I told him I already worked at all hours like a slave but from home.

He mumbled something and said that we had a lot in common and I said “Of course we do, that’s why I liked you the best.” “Aaaah, you say those things and my heart races faster than my baby. But the 707 from the chat was just the bright and fun side of me.” “I think everyone has a dark side Saeyoung.” his expression changed to one of shock. “How did you… Where did you… Are, are… you a hacker too by any chance?” I giggled. “No, silly, remember our fight when you tried your best to push me away and you left the apartment to wait until I fell asleep?” His face was blank but he nodded. “You spoke to me while I slept but I heard you in my dreams.” I said. His face softened and he smiled. “Oh. It sounded so pretty when you said it.” I say “Saeyoung-shin, let’s get married at the space station.” His cheeks got a little red and he started to chuckle. “You’re impossible, you know that?” he said. “Yeah, I know. I really like you too Saeyoung.” I said with a smile. “I could get used to that name.” he pondered out loud. “Well, it sure beats calling you by a number from an error code.” I said mockingly. “Aaah, so you know what Error 707 is?” he asked. “I thought 707 was either LOL spelled upside down or a server error like 404, I looked it up and 707 is the memory manager error, since you never talked about your past and called yourself Luciel, I figured it could be either and it would still suit you.” “Gaah, are you a genius like me?” he asked in his quirky tone. “No Saeyoung, I just wanted to know more about you.”

He pressed his lips into a line and said “I’m sorry for pushing you away…” I held my finger to his lips to cut him off. “Ssshhhhh. It’s ok, I understand why you did it and I appreciate everything you’ve done to protect me. I just hope that one day you can see that you saved me from myself. When I felt lost, alone, and confused, you made me laugh, hope, and dream. Saeyoung, you are my sun and I will gravitate around you while basking in your light, when I stare into your eyes I find peace that didn’t exist before I met you and I never want to let you go.” “Are those lines from a movie?” he said with a grin. I mock punch his shoulder and say “Saeyoung! You know they’re not!” “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m saying but… I’m happy.” he said. “Me too.” “Ah, you like me that much, huh?” he teased. “Enough to be here with you.” and we continued our journey.


	5. Welcome to Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and 707 head out to Mint Eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story follows 707's route very closely, if you haven't played it there are spoilers.

Dear Diary,

My last entry was pretty long. I’ve been writing here between work breaks. Jaehee told Jumin about my journal therapy in the hopes of him giving up on offering to pay for a psychologist. She requested that he be discreet about it since as part of the therapy, nobody else should know I’m writing the journal. She even showed him the article she had sent me. I can only hope it stays a secret because I know everyone else in the RFA would be curious to read it. I don’t really have anything to hide since they all pretty much know everything that’s happened, but since it’s from my memory it would be like mind reading or an invasion of privacy. If nobody knows about this journal, they won’t go looking for it. I could destroy it as a last measure, but I like reading my moments with Saeyoung. I’m pretty amazed at the amount of detail I’ve managed to write down, of course it helps to have a good memory and access to the chat logs, but it’s been quite a ride reliving those days. Speaking of ride, that’s where I left off last time. The journey to Mint Eye. If someone were to ask me what my biggest fear was, I would probably say watching the person I loved most, killed in front of me. I hope to never have to see that fear come true.

Saeyoung was nervous about my coffee cup spilling inside his car. I admitted to him I’m somewhat clumsy so I gulped it down as fast I could. He said that wasn’t absolutely necessary but I sure thought so. The man kept on looking sideways every 3 seconds and was making me jumpy, and when I’m jumpy, I’m clumsy, and the purpose of him glancing my way was because he didn’t want me to be clumsy. So I chugged it. I needed to be awake anyway. We hadn’t slept and had no idea what was going to happen. I’m not sure Saeyoung’s short nap when he had the nightmare can count as sleep, but that was all the rest he’d gotten. I knew he was used to little sleep but it’s different when you have to drive as well. I tried my best to be a good co-pilot. When we were out of the city I logged into the chat. Jumin and Jaehee were there. Nobody slept well, everybody was suffering a mental breakdown according to Jumin, pretty spot on assessment though. He was curious to how I was feeling heading out to an unknown location with Luciel and no outside help. I could’ve said I was terrified but I glanced at Saeyoung driving and felt calm. “Arent you scared?” Jumin inquired. I said “I’m not, since I’m with someone I trust.” Jaehee said that we had a beautiful trusting relationship and Jumin responded “Like me and Assistant Kang.” I snickered and Saeyoung peered at me, asking what I was laughing about and I said that Jumin made a joke and he said that Jumin’s not funny and I laughed harder because Saeyoung said that Jumin wasn’t funny, he chuckled and said he was glad I was enjoying myself. Jumin was concerned that I wouldn’t be at the party to greet all the guests since I was the one that talked to all of them, he said they’d be disappointed that I wouldn’t be there and he used a crying emoji, first time I had ever seen it and Jaehee said that she had worked with him long enough to know he was acting responsible but if others saw him like that, they’d say that the neurons that send emotions are damaged. I chuckled again.

“Jumin making jokes again?” Saeyoung asked.

I snickered and said “No, Jaehee mocking Jumin.”

“Ahhh, so is this is how you spent your days while in the chat? Just laughing away at everybody?” he asked.

“Mmmmm, pretty much. Zen and Jumin fighting is always fun to watch, but nobody makes me laugh like you do Saeyoung.” I told him, switching to a sweeter voice at the end.

He blushed a little and said “You always know what to say, ah? Could it be that my girlfriend 606 is real? Why are you so cute, hmm?”

“I can honestly say it’s not because I took Zen’s relationship advice.”

He chortled and kept driving. I got back to the chat, Jumin suggested Zen should greet the guests and Jaehee left to write him a script, I wished them good luck. Jumin appreciated all my efforts and he said it was a pity he wouldn’t get to see me so he could thank me in person, he wished for us to get back safely. He told me to tell Luciel he was making sure all the members were well protected so he didn’t have to worry about them, he left after saying to let him know when we finally got there. I relayed Jumin’s message and Saeyoung said we’d be there in 2 hours. He told me I could take a nap but I said I couldn’t rest, I was too anxious.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked worriedly.

“I’m as fine as I can be in this situation, I promise, there’s no other place I’d rather be. I’m more worried about YOU actually, you’re the one driving and you barely slept.”

“Ahh, so we’ve reached the nagging phase of our relationship already?” “Saeyoung! I’m serious. Do you want ME to drive?”

“Mmmm, I’m not too keen on lending my babies, last time I did that it got totaled.”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Fine, meow, it’s fine.” the robot cat answered back.

I stared out the window and watched the scenery. “Where are we?”

“Jeollabuk-do, meow.”

“Oh, thanks Meowy. We should visit in the autumn. Naejangsan is famous for it’s fall foliage.”

“Pretty leaves change color in fall, meow, like color of God Seven’s hair, meow.”

I giggled and ruffled his hair with my hand. “Yes Meowy, God Seven’s hair is pretty like the fall and I fall for God Seven.”

He glances at me and says “You think I’m pretty? I thought Zen was the pretty one.”

I snickered. “I said your hair is pretty, I think you’re handsome and sexy. Did you know Zen got jealous when I told him I thought you were sexy? His exact words were “I can’t let someone take that title from me.” I remember when you posted a picture standing by a car wearing a green button shirt and sunglasses and you had your headphones on, my reaction was ‘Oh my God, he’s so fucking hot, why does he NOT post more pictures of himself, forget Zen, I need more God Seven.”

He chortled “Did I dazzle you? And when did you say that to Zen?” “Dazzle? More like I wanted to be frazzled. Ahem. Ignore that. Oh, he called me when you were at the apartment, wanted to give me the beware of men speech, he told me to call him for advice in case you wanted to take advantage of me, something like that.”

“Oh, he did, did he? Because all men are wolves right?”

“That’s what he says.”

“So, were you playing with your skirt to tease me?”

“No, that was an accident at first but when you pointed it out I thought it’d be fun to test you.”

“Ah ha, so you like games, hmm?” he asked.

“Well, you did say you were ready for twisted love.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Yes, you’ve established that.”

“Ha ha ha. Let’s see, you’re cute, naughty, foul mouthed, strange, and funny. What else could I be missing?”

“I dunno, I thought you’d hacked into my heart. Thump thump.”

“You clearly have a good memory.”

“Honey! I love you!” I said cutely.

“Gahh, our first call. God you’re so cute. What did I do to deserve you?”

“Saeran brought us together and now we’re going to bring Saeran back.”

“Saeran…”

“I’m sorry.”

“No no, it’s okay, you’re right.”

“You’ll get him back. Maybe if you show him the floppy with the pictures and tell him what you told me, he’ll listen to you.”

“Mmmm. Maybe. It’s a long shot.”

“It’s worth a try.”

“…”

“After we catch Saeran, we can Saewalk out of there.”

He choked. “That, that… was terrible.”

I chuckled. “Awww c’mon. I made you smile though.”

“That you did.”

I checked the chat, Yoosung was there and Zen logged in shortly after. I did my best to stay positive, everybody was having such a hard time. There wasn’t much they could do except focus on the party. When Zen said it was like they were having a funeral a sniggle escaped my lips.

“What are you laughing at this time?” Saeyoung asked.

“Ah, it’s Zen, he said it’s like we’re having a funeral.”

He shaked his head and said “You have a really twisted sense of humor, it’s great you can find moments to laugh.”

“Well, there’s no point on dwelling in the past, being morose won’t change the circumstances so it’s better to laugh than to cry.”

“I admire your strength, you’ve shown me so much in such little time, I… I… don’t know if I could’ve held myself together without you.”

“I haven’t always been this strong. I feel calm and warmth when I’m with you. The anguish hiding in your eyes bores into mine, causing pangs in my chest, making me determined to do anything to comfort you. I know what it’s like to feel desolate. You had to have wondered what made me want to follow some random guy’s instructions to an apartment. I was clearly looking for a distraction from my dreary life. Granted, it ended up being more than I could handle, but then you saved me Saeyoung, and something changed within. I was dead inside and you made me feel alive. The harder you pushed me away, the less I wanted to let you go.”

“I… don’t know what to say. I have such a complicated life I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me. I’ve been escaping death since childhood and getting close to me is dangerous, but you… you’re inviting danger to your life, to feel alive? I don’t understand you.”

“That’s ok, I don’t understand me either.”

“Heh, you’re impossible.”

“Yeah…”

“Almost there, meow.” Meowy announced.

We arrived shortly after. At the end of a dirt road in the outskirts of Jeongeup I saw a white building with the Mint Eye logo. It was several stories high, lots of glass windows and a teal colored domed roof. It had a temple looking sort of vibe. I remembered Saeran’s words about taking me to paradise and I shuddered. It was a long car ride so Saeyoung asked me if I was okay and I said I was fine. He explained what he was going to do. 

He opened up the blueprint and went into detail about his plans, I was never to leave his side. “I won’t! Let’s do this and go back home!” I said encouragingly. “With that encouragement, I know we can do this.” he said with a big smile. I felt fuzzy inside seeing him smile, it was close to noon so the sunlight was shining over his bright red hair, casting tones of auburn and gold, just like autumn. His face got serious and I perked up to listen. There was no time lose. I helped him set up his equipment so he could start hacking his way in. I sat by him on the ground, keeping a sharp eye to my surroundings. We logged into the chat to give them the update that we’d made it. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him to take a picture of us together. I wasn’t ready, it all happened so fast. He quickly posted the photo and I said we looked like a cute couple and he thought the same thing. He announced what was happening so that the members could read it when they logged in. After that he expressed his gratitude to the RFA members, saying that he had to meet everyone while hiding who he was but they were all kind and trusting, he was happy to be the bright and quirky 707, but he was sad he had to leave and thinking about everybody forgetting him really got to him although he didn’t show it. He knew 707 was a temporary persona and Luciel was a secret agent, so from then on he wanted everyone to see the real him, especially me. For the benefit of the members he asked if I wanted to know his real name, because I already knew. He winked at me when he typed it so I played along. He revealed his name and goals and I supported his decision and we logged off. He quickly finished hacking and we entered the building through a side door once he was sure the security cameras were on loop, we followed the blueprint to the control room so he could hack from the inside, after he disabled the lock on the door we made it to the computer room. There were several monitors and stacked servers everywhere.

“Do you think Saeran hacked into our system here?”

“That’s very likely.” he said.

He inspected the room and wondered out loud about what he saw. I broke his reverie to make him concentrate on why we were there. He apologized and delved into work mode, he told me what I had to do and I followed his instructions. I was amazed at the speed he was getting things done, I had already seen him work before but this was the first time I was actually looking at the screen, so I gave him a little praise. He was nonchalant about it, saying it’s what he did all the time and wasn’t proud of it. When Saeyoung was finished explaining I hear a voice behind and I froze. It was Saeran. My heart started to beat faster.

“Saeran…?” I said shakily.

“Hello, nice to see you again, should I say?” he replied in amusement.

Saeyoung reacted when he heard his brother. Saeran said he was expecting the visit, he’d seen traces of an anonymous hacker in the system and knew it was Saeyoung. Gave him props for hacking into the satellite and finding their blind spot.

“Seven, shouldn’t we run?” I whispered.

“You’re very naive.” Saeran replied in a condescending tone.

I thought “Crap, he heard me.” He explained we couldn’t run, adding “Who knows? I might’ve installed a bomb here.”

I started to panic, I’d been around too many bombs in my lifetime already, but Saeyoung said he didn’t see anything like that when he looked into the system.

“If you can do it, I can do it too. Don’t be so naive.” Saeran retorted. And commended him for being so fast and getting there before the party.

They went back and forth for a bit and then Saeyoung tried to plead with Saeran to have a proper conversation but he wasn’t willing to listen to his brother, especially under the circumstances. I tried to intervene.

“Saeran… stil… please listen. Nothing will change just by you listening.”

“Why should I listen to that woman?” he snapped. I took a deep breath.

Saeyoung tried to placate his brother to get him to listen but Saeran refused to believe anything his brother had to say and used the situation to get me on his side saying that Saeyoung would abandon me too. I calmed myself down and beseeched him once again to listen to what he had to say. Saeran scoffed and said I was brainwashed.

Saeyoung raised his voice and shouted “No!” and implored to his brother to please just listen to him. Saeran was adamant, said that if he was going to spill more lies that there was no need because he knew the truth. Saeyoung countered by telling him what had happened when they were kids. I contributed by saying that the last time he had seen him, that’s when he realized that V hadn’t kept his promise. Saeran said it sounded convincing, that a lot of people would fall for that. Saeyoung was resolute, telling Saeran he wasn’t making it up. So his brother retaliated by saying “I have another believable story. Want to listen?” He told more or less the same story but Saeyoung being the selfish one that used his brother as an escape tool, thinking he was a burden and it would be better to disappear without a word and team up with V to make friends and parties. Seven was upset and snapped back that it wasn’t true and saying how could he think that? I could sort of understand how Saeran could take it that way Saeyoung explained why he left without saying anything and Saeran spat back with sarcasm and went on about how miserable things got after he left. I felt increasingly bad for Saeran at that moment, I could tell he was in so much pain.

“Saeran, what really happened?” I asked him with genuine concern.

“What happened, yes…” he hissed. He narrated the morning Saeyoung had been gone. Saeran had looked for his brother everywhere and was worried he might’ve been dead, that his father had finally got him or something. He had cried for days missing his twin, his mother strangled, hit, and threatened him for being noisy. I got sentimental, I could imagine the memories in my head and I started to feel like I was about to cry. He kept telling his story and when I looked at Saeyoung his eyes were watery too. I looked into the bag I was holding and decided to pull out the floppy disk while Saeran was busy talking. I had spotted a floppy drive on one of the computers and waited for an opening to get closer to it while the twins were discussing. Saeyoung glanced in my direction and caught on to what I wanted to do so he kept talking. When he mentioned the part about the floppy I got closer to the computer and quickly inserted the disk into the drive before Saeran could stop me. When he saw what I was doing he shouted to not touch his computer. I opened the files to display the pictures on the screen. Saeran couldn’t believe it. Saeyoung asked him if he knew when they were taken. He was still surprised and didn’t answer. Saeyoung showed him the letter that Rika wrote but Saeran was still unconvinced. The twins continued their feud. He dismissed his brother’s claims and when Saeyoung tried to pacify him he screamed at him to not go near him or tell him more lies or he’d kill him. He was unhinged, Saeyoung tried to plead with him but he left and slammed the door shut. I asked him is we should run after him, but we couldn’t, the door was locked from the outside. I helped him set up his equipment so he could hack the door open. I logged into the chat while he worked and found Jumin, he had tried to contact V but all he could hear were cars in the background. I let him know that we’d been locked in and Seven popped into the chat to explain what happened. Jumin offered to send people but he declined. I did what I could to be hopeful and cheered Seven forward, the hacking program had stopped so Seven logged off, I said my goodbyes and left the chat. The door was still locked so he had to try something else. I told him I’d stay on the lookout checking the security cameras just in case Saeran had alerted anyone that we were here.

“Thanks for being here with me. I’ll get us out, don’t worry.” he said

“Oddly enough, I’m not worried. I trust you. We’ll get out of here, find your brother and make him see the truth.”

“Sounds like a plan. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way. It’s my fault he ended up like that.”

“Don’t blame yourself. You did what you thought was right at the time. You were both kids, forced to grow up in strenuous circumstances. If anyone is to blame is V and Rika for creating this situation in the first place.”

“I just hope Saeran can forgive me.”

“Have a little faith and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

“That sounds familiar. Do you go to church?”

“No, but I used to when I was little.”

“Catholic?”

“No. It doesn’t matter now, what matters now is moving forward and reconciling the past. We need to focus.”

“You’re right. Focus. Need to focus. It’s just weird that my brother ended up being a hacker too. Out of all the jobs I’ve done for the agency I’d never found someone as skilled as me.”

“Well, he DID say, If you can do it, I can do it too. You probably inspired him and he’s your twin, so he must be pretty smart. Maybe he didn’t have a Choi-ce.”

“Ha ha, real funny. This is hardly the time to crack jokes.”

“Any time is a good time to crack jokes. The door isn’t going to unlock itself whether we laugh or not. Might as well relieve some of the tension. Who knows if by the time we get out of here instead of Sae-young, I end up with Sae-old.”

He chortled and said. “Ahhh, you… you’re mean, you know that? Are you doubting my abilities…? Hmmmm, you look so cute staring at the monitors… If there’s anyone I’d have to be locked up with, it would be you.”

“Oh I’m not doubting you, in fact, I’d like to explore other abilities you might have.”

“You shouldn’t say things like that, you know? We’re in danger right now and you’re… ah, not making this easier.”

“Well then remind me to thank your brother for locking us up together. Being trapped here with a sexy hacker in a computer room, this could be a scene from a spy movie.”

“The way your mind is working I think you have a different kind of genre in mind.”

“Ah, maybe. But now’s not the time for those fantasies.”

“You’re really something.” he mused.

“Progress report, agent.” I say with a smile.

“Want to play pretend huh? So cuuute. Well Commander 606, I’m running algorithms to decrypt the security code, it should be finished any minute now.”

“Nice work agent, I’ll report back to the other members.”

“Yes ma’am, I’ll leave the program running and join you ASAP.” he shaked his head with a big grin and went back to work.

I opened the app and Zen was on, shortly followed by Yoosung. I told them that we were safe but still locked in. They wanted to know how Seven was doing, I told them he’d be joining soon and he showed up quickly, reported that the door would be open soon and that I was safe beside him, Yoosung asked him if he was going to look for his brother and I said yes, and he explained our plans. We had to escape to a safe location and analyze the data that was collected from Mint Eye, we only logged in to let everyone know that we were okay, but that we couldn’t go back yet. I told them we’d be in touch again and they hoped for our safety. We logged off. The door finally unlocked and I quickly let Saeyoung know that the coast was clear, nobody knew that we had been in there, I helped him grab all the gear and we started our escape.

“You’d make a fine agent.” he teased.

“Oh, please. I know I wanted a little excitement in my life but this isn’t what I had in mind.”

“Like falling in love with a hacker?”

“Especially falling in love with a hacker.” I blew him a kiss and his cheeks reddened. We stopped behind a staircase and I bumped into him, he quickly tried to steady me so I wouldn’t fall, I started to blush when I noticed his hand was on my thigh, when he looked back at me I turned my face away in embarrassment, pretty sure I had a stupid grin and he quickly let me go, stifling a chuckle and shaking his head. We then made our exit out the same door from earlier. We didn’t run into Saeran along the way and once we were outside Saeyoung noticed some tire marks that weren’t there before. “Someone must have driven off quickly… It’s not Saeran’s car, is it…?” I asked. “It might be…” he answered quietly. We didn’t know what car it was so he told me we had to get to some place safe. When I was getting in the car I heard a voice say “Luciel.” It was V. We were both shocked to see him there. “What the fuck was he doing there?” I thought. Seven did the questioning, I took the gear from his hands and put them away in the car while they talked. Although it was more like Saeyoung shouting at V, since V wasn’t giving any answers, just apologizing. It didn’t get better when V told him to calm down. Seven blamed V for everything that happened to Saeran and him and he admitted it, monosyllabically. He really was a man of few words. Saeyoung almost had a fit when V called him by his real name and he pleaded for him to listen to one last thing,

he claimed he had seen Saeran earlier. That caught Saeyoung off guard. V told him what he saw and he warned him that he better not be lying. V said he was telling the truth but that he couldn’t see very well. He said that whoever took him, they got in a red car with silver lining, really noticeable. That rang a bell, he put 2 and 2 together and figured out it had been his own car. He knew it was Vanderwood. I thought that was his maid but it turned out to be the secret agent in charge of him. He had ran off without finishing his job so Vanderwood probably got orders to take him out and took Saeran instead. Saeyoung said a few other things to V and then hurried into the car, looking as pissed as ever. I watched V look dejected as we left him behind. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit sorry for him. When we were on the road again, I logged into the chat to inform everybody that we got out safely but V was there, taking the blame for everything, apologizing for keeping secrets, and renouncing his position in the RFA, asking to be hated rather than give any answers. “What the fuuuuck?” I muttered.

“What is it?” Saeyoung asked.

“It’s V, I’ll read it to you.” and I read him the chat.

“That fucking blind asshole! He’d rather be hated than to assume responsibility for his actions?”

“Seems like it. I know that there’s a saying that goes ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ but this is ridiculous.”

“Of course it’s ridiculous, everything about this whole situation is ridiculous.”

“Right, let’s just focus on one thing at a time. We have to save your brother from Vanderwood.”

“She must’ve put a tracking device on my car, on our next stop I’ll check to see where it is.”

“Let’s make that soon.”

“Are you okay?”

“I just really have to go to the bathroom.”

“Ah shit, yeah, sorry. Ok, we’ll stop by a gas station soon.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“You should’ve said something earlier.”

“Mmm well, I wasn’t too keen on the idea of using the restroom back at Mint Eye.”

“Do you want to know how I managed to pee when I was stuck in the boiler room for 3 days?”

“Please, no, I do NOT want to know.”

“Alright fine, but not many agents reveal their secrets you know… You should consider yourself special.”

“You should consider yourself special to be alive, since agents that reveal secrets wind up dead.”

“Ooooh, you’re bad. Perhaps you were an agent in your past life.”

“Maybe, who knows. How I’ve managed these crises so far I have no idea.”

“Me neither and I’ve had training.”

“And I have you.”

“Yup, you chose me, now you’re stuck with me, you can’t take me back.”

“Saeyoung-shin…”

“What is it?”

“Feed me.”

“Hungry, are you? Fine. We’ll get food too.”

We stopped at a gas station and I ran to the bathroom, then bought some snacks and sodas. Saeyoung had removed the tracking device and placed it on another car by the time I made it back and we left as fast as we could. I logged into the chat to report that we were okay, everybody was affected by V’s message. Jumin didn’t even say anything, he logged in and logged off in a hurry. Yoosung was so down he didn’t want to be alone and asked if he could go to Zen’s. Zen said he could and that way they’d go to the party together. Yoosung wanted me to tell Seven hello and I told him not to worry about us and relayed the message. When he said that he felt better just thinking about Zen I stifled a chuckle.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s uh, Yoosung.” I read him what he said and he snorted.

“Does Yoosung Kim is gay?”

I laughed really hard. “You’re so bad.”

“Making fun of Yoosung is one of my many hobbies.”

“Yes, I know. Your pranks on him really make me laugh. He’s so gullible.”

“And lately you’ve been pranking the prankster.”

“Yes well, I’m a quick learner.”

“I can see that. I’ll have to step up my game.”

“Oh I can think of a few games we can play.”

“Gah, you have no idea what it feels like to hear you say things like that.”

“Care to share?”

“If I were Zen I’d be saying I’m trying hard to control the beast.”

“What if you were Jumin?”

“Hmmmm, These statements you are expressing are not conducive for a lady to be saying to a man, but I am a gentleman, and will respect the lady’s wishes.”

“And Yoosung?”

“You want to play LOLOL? I can give you tips to start or if you want to play some other game, I knew a few good indie ones too.”

I laugh at his impression of Yoosung. “Haaa, so you think Yoosung would be clueless?”

“You’ve seen him be oblivious in the chat when certain topics are mentioned.”

“That’s true. He’s a sweet boy, let him keep his innocence as long as he can.”

“So, does that mean you’re NOT innocent?” he asks with a sheepish grin.

“Aaah, what the fuck Saeyoung?” I say all flustered and he laughs at me.

“You left yourself open to that interpretation.” he says gingerly.

“I suppose so. I’ll tell you about it some other time.”

“You don’t have to be ashamed, you can tell me anything.”

“I’m not ashamed. I’m actually a little shameless.”

“You’ve been quite forward at times… I won’t pressure you to tell me if you’re not comfortable. I just hope you’re not a yandere.”

“Oh? Mmmm, no, I don’t think I’m a yandere. Probably more like a tsundere.”

“Mmm, I could see that. You’re too nice to me though.”

“You did a good job at being mean to me first so I had no choice but be extra nicer to you.”

“I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, you’ve apologized enough. All that matters is that we’re together.”

“I hope to prove myself to you.”

“You already have.”

“Oh, we’re almost there.”

“Where are we going?”

“How romantic.”

“Do I sense sarcasm in your voice?”

“I’m sorry if it sounded sarcastic, I didn’t mean it that way. Honestly I’m just happy being by your side.”

“I feel happy by your side too.”

We reached the cabin. Saeyoung played the fine role of a gentleman by carrying my bag for me. He insisted despite my protest. I grabbed the junk food I had bought from the gas station and carried it inside. The place was exactly what I thought it would be. Musty, dirty, and neglected. I used one of my sleeping shirts as a rag and wiped down everything I could. Saeyoung tried to scold me for attempting to clean but I quickly silenced him with a glare.

“I didn’t know you could look so scary.”

“Yes well, if we’re going to spend the night here I want to minimize the chances of waking up with allergies.”

“I bet you look adorable when you sneeze.”

I gave him a sharp look again and kept cleaning.

“Fine fine, I’ll stop teasing. At least let me help you.” He had been on his computer since we arrived. I handed him a bucket I found and asked if he could fetch some water. He said there was a well in the back so I waited for him. I walked around the cabin using my phone as a torch to get a better look. He didn’t take long and placed the bucket on the counter, I did a little jump and he chuckled, apologizing for startling me. I walked towards him and cleaned the rag in the sink using the water he brought and wiped every surface until it seemed clean enough. He went back to work on his laptop. I opened the bag with the snacks and handed him some Lais and a Dr. Pepper.

“They’re not your favorite chips but you should eat something.”

“What did I ever do to deserve someone so nice?”

“I don’t know, you tell me, you’re the one that hacked into my heart.”

“Ha ha, yeah I did, didn’t I?”

“I can think of something else left for you to hack.”

“Oh? I think you’re the wolf that Zen was so worried about, should I be scared that you’ll try to eat me?”

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite, hard.”

“Never thought you’d be the big bad wolf hiding in sheep’s clothing.”

“There are lots of things you don’t know about me.”

“God you’re bad, very bad, I uh, think I’m going to uh, go get something from the car, I’ll be right back.”

“Ngh, Saeyoung wait!”

“Ah, you sound so cute when you say my name.”

“I can say it over and over again if you want.” I bit my lip and stared.

“Keep this up and I might not be able to control myself anymore.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what I want.” I said in yearning.

“That sounds… ugh… Not now, let’s go tell the others we’re safe.”

“You’re no fun.” I pouted and I opened the app. I heard him snickering in the background.

It was close to midnight and nobody else was online. It was just Seven and me in the chat, we spoke a bit about V and his involvement with Mint Eye, he said he was going to block him from the chat so he wouldn’t be able to read our messages. I asked him what he was doing on his computer earlier and he said he had been hacking into the agency he worked for to make sure Vanderwood couldn’t do anything bad to Saeran. I remembered his emotional outburst and devastated look and wrote in the chat that I felt bad for him. He said I shouldn’t be the one feeling bad, he’s the one that didn’t finish his work and now his brother’s life was in jeopardy, he was willing to sacrifice himself to save Saeran. We had to get moving as soon as we figured out where Vanderwood was hiding and it was going to take time, we let the members know that we weren’t going back yet. I told him I’d be with him until the end. He thanked me.

“I think you;re the only reason why nothing has happened to me. Thank you so much for being so calm when we were in danger because of Saeran earlier. I think my life changed completely after you showed up. You were with me when I was bright and fun… and you stuck by my side when it was hard and miserable… So… I’m sure that you had a hard time in the procress of discovering the new me. I’m sorry. For hurting your feelings… And thank you for withstanding all that. Thank you for letting me know that’s possible to live a new life. You mean so much to me now that I can’t even describe it. This feeling… I don’t know what to call it.” he wrote all of that in the chat. I was super embarrassed since everyone else could read it too but in part I was glad he said those things to me. Sometimes it’s easier to write things than say them.

“…Is it…” I typed.

He realized he was in the messenger and said he wasn’t going to talk any more about his feelings so he changed the subject to talk about the party. I hoped it would go well. We wrapped it up since he had to go back to his computer and we logged off. He insisted I get some rest, my efforts in trying to convince him to take a nap were futile. I sat on the couch to watch him work on his computer, he had his headphones on so I didn’t want to bother him with my ramblings. I felt restless. I saw an outlet and I went to get the phone charger from my bag. I propped myself on the couch again and decided to call Zen. He was relieved to hear my voice, he said he was happy to know that we were safe. He complained about V, I told him everybody must’ve been so shocked.

“Yeah… I had no idea he’d stab us in the back like this… Bastard… I should punch him in the face if we meet. How could he run off like that?” he said. I did my best to hold in a laugh, the mental image of Zen punching V was too much. He went on saying Saeyoung had cut his ties with V but that the trust fund kid was the problem since V was his best friend, it was cute hearing him be concerned for Jumin. I was blushing so hard when he told me to say hello to Saeyoung for him, he chuckled and said that he felt like I was his wife or something, that we had to go back and invite everyone to our wedding. God, that Zen, he really gets to me sometimes. But I was glad I called him, I needed to talk to someone. He told me not to worry about the party, it would be broadcast on the radio so we could listen in, he was disappointed I wouldn’t see him in his outfit but that he’d show me some other time. Such a flirt, god, he’s something else. He cut the conversation short saying he felt he’d talked too long to someone that was already taken. I glanced at Saeyoung and his eyes were still glued to the screen. Zen hung up and I put my phone down. I felt a bit better after talking but as the memories of the last couple of days flashed in my head, I got anxious. I took deep breaths and contemplated taking a nap. I knew that was very unlikely. I needed to go for a walk but I knew I couldn’t go far without worrying Saeyoung. I got up from the couch and took my phone with me, I sat on the balcony, just outside the door. I scooted to the side so the door wouldn’t hit me in case he went looking for me. The cabin was humid and musty, fresh air is what I needed. I could see the night sky clearly since we were far away from the city lights and there weren’t many clouds. I called Saeyoung on his phone.

“Where are you? You were sitting still beside me just now?” he asked.

“Maybe it’s too dark for you to see me. I’m here.” I said, he followed my voice and I heard him at the door.

“Oh, there you were. Were you just looking around? Is it okay here? I know it’s not the best place but I chose it because it’s quiet and people rarely come… but it doesn’t someone bright like you.”

“It’s cool. I feel like we’re in a movie.”

“Thanks for saying that. But be careful, it’s an old building so you might get hurt. I’d like to turn on the lights more… but people will know we’re here then… I want to care for you more, but this is such an emergency. I have no choice.”

“Then express your feelings towards me.”

“…Can I really be honest? You can’t imagine how much I love you now. As an extreme example… I would die for you. That’s why I’m here. And even when I die, I want my soul to remain here next to you… without you, I would never have had hope… I’m not afraid to die for you… I’m only afraid of you forgetting me. I always hoped never to be remembered, but now I’m so afraid to be forgotten… by you.”

“Stupid. We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together and die. I’m never gonna leave you alone.”

He chuckled sweetly “I really hope so. Nothing’s ever worked out the way I wanted it to… but I hope this one does.”

“I love you.” I declared.

“Wow… my heart just stopped… I was thinking that and you said it first… I love you. Today, tomorrow… forever and ever… As difficult as it was for you when I kept pushing you away, I will give you that much, no, much more love. I will care for you and love you. I love you… My love is so big that even the word love can’t contain all of it. I love you. I will love you forever…”

He hung up after that and opened the door to embrace me. I held on to him, burrowing my face in his chest. He whispered into my ear that he loved me, I pushed my face upwards to kiss him and say “I love you back.”


	6. Take me to the stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A steamy night with 707

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can be read as a one shot. The story follows 707's After Ending, if you haven't played it there are spoilers. SMUT and Adult Content in this one. Very NSFW.

Dear Diary,

I had never felt so loved before that night with Saeyoung in the abandoned cabin. Just how does one respond to a person that openly declares that he’s willing to die for you? Every time I peered at him my heart fluttered. I couldn’t convince him to take a nap but I was beyond exhausted so he let me rest my head on his lap while he worked on his computer and I dozed off. I woke up on the couch with his head resting on my arm, his legs sprawled on the floor. I checked the RFA chat and they were all getting ready for the party, Yoosung was hungover, Jumin felt like shit, they were all worried but tried to cheer up for the sake of the party. I woke up Saeyoung after logging off. I had already started packing because I knew we had to get a move on and he was grateful for my initiative. We got everything in the car and left. Once we were on the road I begged him to stop somewhere to get me some coffee and he indulged my request. He reminded me to not spill any in the car and I blew him a kiss, to which he blushed a little. He was following GPS coordinates he had input before we’d left and I sipped my coffee as he drove. His laptop was running a program and when it stopped he parked his car by the road.

He left a message to the intelligence agency he worked for, identifying himself and providing proof, letting them know that the person that Vanderwood took was not him. He threatened them by saying that if a single hair on his body was touched, he would reveal to the media all the information he hacked from them. He cut the message short so they wouldn’t trace him. I looked up at him lovingly, it was noon, the sunlight was shining bright and his hair and eyes glowed, lulling me. He smiled sweetly and told me to turn on the radio to listen to the RFA party. Jumin was giving a speech, it was almost over but he said our names in commendation. He apologized for missing the party after how hard I worked to prepare for it. I think after he heard Jumin refer to him as Saeyoung Choi he realized that he didn’t want to be called Seven anymore, much less Luciel, his real name reminded him of the hardest times in his life but they were the only truthful ones and we were in the search for truth. He wanted to live as the real him, no more 707 or Luciel, just Saeyoung. He apologized again for making me suffer, I was going to say something but he leaned down to kiss me, our lips meeting briefly. When they parted he vowed “My heart has been yours for a long time now. I’ll prove it to you… I’ll be a happy Saeyoung with you.” I placed my hand on his cheek and said “I’ll always be by your side.” He smiled and got back in the car, it was a brief moment of happiness, that’s all we had then, and I cherished those memories greatly, they were the only thing moving us forward.

We spent a few days on the road, following Vanderwood’s coordinates that Saeyoung was tracking. Proper bed and food were a luxury during those days. I told him that we were in desperate need of clean clothes, he said we could just buy some but my glare made him think twice about challenging me. He eventually acquiesced and found a place we could sleep and clean up. I was incredibly thankful when we stopped by a motel with a laundry room. The little things we take for granted… I desperately needed some sense of normalcy.

When I went into the room with our freshly laundered clothes he was lying in bed, confessed he had been dreaming of Saeran. It’d become more frequent, probably since we were getting closer to him. I put down the bundle I was holding and curled up next to him on the bed. He spoke:

“I know you’re scared. I’m sorry. I promise everything will be over by tomorrow… I honestly still can’t believe it… That I’m chasing after my brother. Without you, I would never have known the pain that my brother went through. I hated God for making me this way. But… I was able to meet you because of all the troubles I’ve gone through. For the first time in my life, I want to do things with another person. And once I started thinking about it, I couldn’t stop. There are so many things I want to do with you. From small things to big grand plans, they’re all inside my mind. But I don’t want to tell you right now.” I nudged him and he continued.

“I’m afraid you’ll run off if I tell you. I’m afraid something bad will happen again. If I say it, and something happens to me, it’ll be so sad if they don’t come true. So for now, the dreams I have about our life will just stay inside me. Tonight might be our last night.” I looked into his eyes, worry creasing my face. So he added “Or… we might be able to spend the rest of our lives together. I don’t know the outcome, but if tonight is our last, I just want to do one thing… Can I, be a bit selfish to you?” I wasn’t sure what he meant and I guessed he could see my bewilderment. He explained by saying “I want to leave on you evidence… that I existed. I want to hold you tight and love you all night so that you can remember me forever.”

Mmmm, yeah, I knew what he meant then. I started to grin sheepishly and my face got flushed. His eyes bored into mine and he asked “Will you let me?” and I answered “I’m yours.” He kissed me deeply, our tongues mingling as our legs twisted together. I ruffled his beautiful crimson hair and he moaned into my mouth. I felt shivers rippling throughout my body. I wanted him so bad, but most importantly, he wanted me too.

I had teased him before, I’d wanted to lighten up the mood and figured sex would be a welcoming distraction but he wouldn’t play along so I’d learned when to stop and not push him further. I’d realized time and time again what was at stake, where we were and what we were doing, he’d reminded me constantly, there was no way of forgetting. But this was different, he didn’t want to have sex with me, he wanted to make love. I knew the distinction, that made it more special and well worth the wait. I did feel a bit guilty for throwing myself at him the times I did, it was shameless but he didn’t mind. He most likely could see through my intentions and seemingly enjoyed my lame attempts to seduce him, if anything, they were entertaining and helped build trust. So when he finally yearned for me I was putty in his hands. The way he admired me left me breathless.

Every glimpse, every touch, every movement was a turn on. As I caressed his hair he grazed my neck with his mouth, kissing it slowly, lowering his lips each time until reaching my collar bone. I could feel him getting harder as my leg felt a pressing warmth. I lowered my hand from his hair to stroke his back, he reacted to my touch and did the same, only he reached further down and I felt him trying to lower my pants. I followed suit, I raised my hips so he could slide my pants away and I took his pants off in a swift motion after unbuttoning and opening the zipper.

His eyes widened and I’m pretty sure he wanted to say something but I didn’t want him talking yet so I sat up to unbutton his shirt, he studied me closely as I worked down the buttons, once his chest was bare he lifted my shirt over my head, my long locks cascading over my chest as he let the shirt drop on the floor. I embraced him, our skin making contact, he removed my bra and flinged my hair to the back, we grasped each other, chest to chest, leaning on our shoulders. I laid back and I pulled him with me, his hands landed close to my face as he towered over me. I let my hands travel down his back and brush past his butt, gripping a cheek and giving him a broad smile. He chuckled, then I tugged his underwear and he lifted each knee until it dangled by his ankles and he kicked them off. I giggled and I raised my legs to clutch him closer to me. 

He was completely naked, I took a deep breath to take it all in, I stroked his abs, he traced a finger from my face to my navel and lowered to pull on my underwear, I grinned, he was mimicking my movements. I raised my hips so they’d slide off and I finished kicking them away. He beamed at me, his throbbing shaft was waiting between my thighs. When I pulled to kiss him he pushed to enter me. We moaned in unison, I was so wet he glided inside me with little resistance, I tightened my legs around his hips and I felt him move deeper, harder, finding his momentum, thrusting as I clenched my walls to receive his blows. I broke the kiss to gasp for air, he lowered his mouth to lick my neck, I shuddered until he bit down and I gasped, calling out “Agh, Saeyoung.” he moaned and thrust harder, clearly turned on. He found my sweet spot, I shifted my hips and angled them slightly upward, clenching his butt with my hands as I loosened the grip of my legs from his waist, I was panting, I guided him deeper into me as I clenched him with every thrust. He licked my other shoulder, going up with his tongue, pressing his lips lightly up my neck, pecks turning to nibbles until biting down again, almost breaking the skin, then he’d suck it playfully, licking it once more, never losing his rhythm inside me. I moaned loudly, I didn’t say his name this time, I was incoherent at that point. I was ready to cum but wanted to tell him, I gripped his waist tighter with my legs, letting go of his butt, moving my hands up his back until reaching his shoulders, I grab on to them, he looks into my eyes and I quiver a little, I find my voice and whisper “Slower.”

He quickly obeys and I mutter that I’m at my limit, I angle my hips a bit lower and as he continues his thrusts I pushed my face forward to meet his lips, kissing him deeply and my body spasms in ecstasy, I break away moaning “Saeyoung.”, he then thrusts a bit harder until he climaxes inside of me, feeling him twitch and spurt. His head drooped over my shoulder, I held him gently and let my legs spread out, shifting him to my side, pulling my leg under his to keep him connected to me without feeling his weight.

We were both gasping for air, sweat clinging to the skin, sheets dampening under us. He fondled my back and called me.

“Mmmm?” was all I could muster in reply.

“I can’t believe you’re mine.” he uttered.

I played with his hair and shut my eyes. I wanted to have a witty comeback but feared I might ruin the moment so I lightly kissed his nose and murmured “Forevermore.” Opting for post-coital romanticism instead.

He nuzzled me closer and pecked my forehead. “Guess you’re not innocent.” he teased.

I promptly turned my back to him, disconnecting myself in the process. “I expected you to say that at some point.” I stressed.

“Too soon? Sometimes my mouth is faster than my brain. I apologize. I meant it as a compliment though. I was just marveled at every move you made, your touch, your reactions, you were… sumptuous.”

“For a genius you’re pretty stupid sometimes, but I forgive you. I was thinking of saying something witty earlier and I’m glad I couldn’t think of anything.”

He scooched closer to put his arm under mine and placed his palm over my cheek. “I’ve wanted you since the first night we were together at the apartment.” he professed.

“Me too. I was practically throwing myself at you.”

“I know. You were being very difficult and I was exceedingly conflicted.”

“It doesn’t matter, we’re here now.” I could feel his dick on my tail bone so I wiggled until it dropped between my ass cheeks and pushed back on him upwards with my butt to hook it with my thighs.”

“What are you doing?”

“You said you wanted to hold me tight and love me all night. Didn’t you?”

He chuckled. “You’re impossible.”

“Yes, we’ve established that.”

“Ready for Round 2 then?”

“Yes, take me to the stars.”

“Forgive me God for I have sinned. Forgive me again for I will sin again.”

“Only god I want in me is God Seven.” I lower my hand to pet him, rubbing the head with my fingers and gently stroking him until he gets harder. I slowly accommodate myself to position him at my entrance.

“Sinners must repent.” he pushed himself forward getting his tip inside me.

I moan “Saeyoung.” and he thrusts himself deeper.

I whimpered softly as he drove into me. I lifted my torso to lay down, back facing upwards and he shifted in tandem, sitting on my thighs, with his legs over mine, slamming me from behind. I was in bliss. I propped my elbows on the bed and lifted my butt, getting him off my thighs so he’d bend his knees on the bed. He held on to my waist, never breaking rhythm, I angled my hips a tad higher and when he hit my sweet spot I moaned in ecstasy. That was his cue to move slower. I rocked back and forth following his rhythm so he’d exit and enter several times then he lifted my frame and slammed me on top of him, digging deeper into me until I convulsed. He held my legs together while he kept drilling into me just before releasing his spasmodic orgasm. Once he stopped twitching, I threw myself face down on the bed and he did the same next to me.

I pressed my face to the side so I could see him. His red hair was damp and his back had droplets of sweat, I put my arm over him and he changed position, getting on his side, his back towards me. His butt was grazing my loins, I cooed as I embraced him, squeezing my breasts on his back and settling my hand on his abdomen.

“You’re really sexy when you take control.” I gushed.

“I can say the same for you.” he cracked back.

“I’m serious. You wouldn’t know this but I’m not aroused very easily.”

“Oh? Maybe there really is nothing I can’t hack.”

“Don’t be stupid… But… I love you more for trying.”

“Do I get a prize?”

“Mmmm. Sure.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I can think of something.”

“Is it sinful?”

“Very.”

“I knew it. Wait ‘til I tell Zen that you’re the wolf and I’m the one being taken advantage of.” He flipped to his other side so we could face each other.

“You will do no such thing.” I shot back.

“It could be fun though. Just picture what he would say.”

“He already has a hard time trying not to imagine us together, I don’t think he needs more details to fuel his imagination.”

“What if he brings it up? Should I lie about you?”

“How the hell would that come up in a conversation?”

“I dunno, same way you asked him what genre he liked.”

“Agh, yeah, okay, you got me.”

“You heard what Jumin said, RFA strives to be more transparent.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, that doesn’t mean our sex life!”

“Don’t use the lord’s name in vain.”

“Fine, then fuck what Jumin said and just fuck me instead.”

“I can’t believe you just said that. Should I put you in the sin bin?”

“How about I use my mouth for a different kind of sin?” I moaned.

“Oh god. It’s happening. She unleashed the beast.” he said while I crawled down the bed and held on to his shaft. I licked the head while holding his gaze, seeing him shudder as he looked down on me in amazement.

I let go and said “If you’re going to be a sinner, be the best sinner around.”


	7. Blind Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saving Saeran. Not as easy as they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story follows the Secret Endings, if you haven't unlocked them, there are spoilers.

Dear diary,

I never expected for my first night in bed with Saeyoung to be so amazing. He was sweet but passionate, delicate yet tenacious… it was, heart-stirring. I remember every detail as if it were yesterday. The gratification was so intense we toppled over each other and remained on the bed, unmoving, listening to our hearts and heavy breaths.

“Saeyoung, whatever happens tomorrow, please don’t die.”

“I don’t know what will happen, but I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe.”

“That’s not very reassuring, but I trust you. I can only pray nothing bad happens to you, or your brother.”

“After all that sinning, you’d still pray?”

“You’re lucky I’m too exhausted to hit you.”

He chuckled. “I love you so much. I could love you forever.”

“Please don’t die, I don’t want to imagine a life without you in it.”

“That sounds like a beautiful dream.”

“Then let’s make that dream come true. The nightmare is almost over.”

“You’ve given me so much strength, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

‘I can think of how you can repay me.” I teased while stroking his chest.

“Oh god, how can you be thinking of sinning right now?” he moaned.

“Because I knew you were the one for me when you posted a picture of yourself dressed like a nun. I should borrow that costume some time.”

“Ha ha ha. You liked that, huh? You’re really special you know that?”

“I don’t think you realize how much you mean to me. You filled a hole inside me with your warmth, oh god, that sounds dirty, that’s not what I meant.”

“Hmmm, I think I know what you meant. I’d been used to living in the shadows for what seemed forever, when you came along you were so bright, I dreamed of sharing that light with you.”

“Yes, that… that’s what I wanted to say. I can barely think right now.”

“Big bad wolf ready for a nap?”

“You know, I could start calling you Little red riding hood.”

“Mmmmm, don’t do that. Although it sounds like a funny costume idea.”

“Let’s get through this and I’ll make you a red hoodie.”

“Only if you dress up as a wolf.”

“I can do that. You can take a picture and send it to Zen.”

We laughed and he held me tight, whispering sweet nothings in my ear until we dozed off. I didn’t want morning to come, but the sun rose and we were on the road at the crack of dawn, following the GPS to wherever Vanderwood was hiding. The closer we got to the coordinates the higher the tension in the car, I didn’t even bother making jokes, I sat there quietly listening to the radio, the GPS, and everything he said to me. I didn’t know what was going to go down but it was dangerous enough for him to tell me where he kept his gun in case I needed to use it. I had little experience with guns, I’d tested a few at a gun range with a friend some years ago, but other than that I couldn’t vouch for my accuracy but knew how to remove the safety and check if it was loaded. He gave me a shocked look when I told him that but claimed that was more than enough. We reached a clearing on the dirt road we had taken, according to the GPS we were at the destination.

I saw Saeran’s unmistakable figure, bleached hair and leather jacket and somebody next to him, I figured that’d be Vanderwood. Saeyoung got out of the car and I followed him towards them. Saeran looked fine, he spoke to Vanderwood and told him the agency info was in the car, he could go and check it himself, but Vanderwood insisted for Saeyoung to go with him since he didn’t trust him. I offered myself to lead Vanderwood to the car. Saeyoung protested but it was all an act for their benefit, he had already planned for that to happen, threatening Vanderwood just in case he tried to hurt me. I led Vanderwood to the car, he inspected the information and I turned on the radio, like we planned earlier, I jumped when Vanderwood got startled at my sudden movement but then he could hear Saeyoung through the speakers, warning him that if he dared to hold me hostage, or as much as touch me, he’d make sure to make him disappear from the face of the Earth. It sounded so menacing. Vanderwood asked him what he was planning and he let him know that whatever deal he made with the agency it wouldn’t end well and they’d probably given the order to kill him once it was over. Saeyoung offered him a chance to get away by giving him a new identity, if he accepted, they could make sure the agency could never find them. Vanderwood cursed and had little choice but to be on board, I ordered him to hurry and make the decision, he called his boss and got in the car, I buckled in after him, he drove towards the twins and his boss ordered him to stop or they’d attack, I gripped my chest and took a deep breath, remembering the gun that was in the compartment in front of me just in case. Saeran was unconscious so Vanderwood had to help to get him in the car, Saeyoung told him to hurry and suddenly shots were fired, Vanderwood told me to get behind the wheel so I jumped from the passenger seat to the driver side, started the car and put it in reverse to get away from the agents, Saeyoung ordered me to lower my head in case they shot again, they closed the door that was still open after tucking Saeran in the back, Saeyoung alerted that he was done and I stepped on it when Vanderwood shouted at me to hurry. I drove as fast as I could down the dirt road, ignoring Vanderwood’s curses every time he bumped his head with the roof.

Once we got on the highway he switched to the passenger seat, leaving Saeyoung holding his brother in the back. He told Vanderwood to input some coordinates into the GPS so I could follow them. He did what was asked after protesting a bit but Saeyoung assured him we were going to a safe location. The ride there was pretty quiet, I turned on the radio for some background noise and Vanderwood finally stopped muttering, much to my relief, I glanced a few times at the rear view mirror to check on Saeyoung and his face was stuck in a grimace, watching over his brother. It was heartbreaking to see him like that. I stopped at a gas station to get some food and supplies, Saeyoung had been grazed by a bullet, I couldn’t find a first aid kit so I bought a bottle of vodka and a white souvenir shirt.

When we got to the cabin, Vanderwood took Saeran, I helped Saeyoung get inside, and then went to get the rest of the stuff from the car. I set up the computer exactly how Saeyoung had done before and he asked Vanderwood to type for him while I cleaned his wound. Saeran woke up in a daze and I turned to look at him., Saeyoung tried to get up but Vanderwood told him not to strain himself. Once he realized where he was and the people around him he started freaking out. Vanderwood calmly explained what was going on and asked him a few things, Saeyoung said it was all a misunderstanding. Understatement of the fucking year. I finished cleaning his wound and made a bandage out of the souvenir t-shirt, to stop the blood. I wished I had sanitary napkins in my bag instead of tampons, that would’ve been a better choice to dress his wound. Saeyoung tried to approach his brother but Saeran snorted there was nothing to talk about and that he needed fresh air. They argued that it was dangerous outside or that he could run away. They told him to not go any further than the tree that was in front of the cabin and he agreed, taking a cigarette with him. Vanderwood and Saeyoung delved into work, hacking the agency as I sat on the sofa to catch my breath. I felt like shit. I had to come to terms that my boyfriend had been shot, we were on the run from a secret intelligence agency, and harboring a crazed cultist. My life had turned into an action movie but I had no script and there was no camera crew or stunt doubles.

The only thing that kept me from having a panic attack were the memories from the night before, I felt happy replaying those moments in my head. Eventually it got dark outside, Saeyoung and Vanderwood were up ‘til very late and Saeran was still outside avoiding his brother. I went to check on him, we was unwilling to accept anything I offered him and refused to look at me.

“Saeran please, you have to drink and eat something.”

“Why would you care about me?” he spat.

“Because you’re Saeyoung’s brother and he loves you.”

“He doesn’t love me, he loves himself, that why he abandoned me.”

“Look, you two have a lot of shit going on, I get it, but stop being so fucking childish and just take the goddamn sandwich. I know you’re starving, I can hear the growls from right here, so turn around, take this and go back to your pathetic woes if you want to.” I ranted.

He turned to look at me with disgust and I gave him the bottle of water and sandwich I was holding for him. He was seething but I didn’t care, I had no patience to deal with him. My hand shook a little when he took the sandwich and that seemed to amuse him. I quickly turned my back on him and walked briskly into the cabin. I was so upset I didn’t even notice I was trembling. Saeyoung called me and I jumped.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” he sputtered in a worried tone.

“I’m fine, he didn’t hurt me. It’s just creepy being around him. I gave him his sandwich and a bottle water but didn’t stick around to make sure he ate.”

“Thank you so much for doing all this, it means a lot to me.”

“I know he’s your brother and you love him, but he’s seriously deranged.”

He didn’t say anything and then Vanderwood spoke up “Who knows what they did to him in that cult, he spouted things about Magenta, savior, and paradise.”

“We have to be really careful Saeyoung, your brother is unhinged and hates you so much I’m pretty sure he’s more than willing to kill you.”

Vanderwood elaborated that statement by telling him the deal he made with Saeran and the things he had said while he was held hostage.

“See? He wants you dead and refuses to listen.” I fumed.

Saeyoung spoke gently “It will take some time. He’s been drugged heavily and forced to go through several indoctrination processes.”

“Indoctrination?” I questioned.

“Brainwashed.” Vanderwood answered.

“What the fuuuuuck?” I blurted out.

“It all makes sense now.” Vanderwood mused.

“Shit, now I just feel worse. Is that what you found out from Mint Eye?”

Saeyoung nodded with a grim look on his face.

“God, I’m regretting not taking Psychology in college. My therapist once said that I should be a therapist. Sorry, I’m rambling. Don’t worry Saeyoung, we’ll help your brother… somehow…”

“I’m sorry for making you suffer through this. I know it’s hard for you to be around him after all that’s happened. I’m impressed at how well you’ve been handling yourself, providing fortitude and encouragement…”

Vanderwood chirped in “I can see why you like her so much.”

I looked at him tenderly and uttered “Remember, the nightmare is almost over.” I forced myself to smile and Vanderwood told him to snap out of it, there was still work to be done. I hid myself in the bathroom for a while. Took a shower and cried a bit. I didn’t know how to process all my emotions and everything that was happening around me. I felt a little better after the shower and went to check on Saeyoung’s wound, he didn’t want me fussing over him but I insisted. Vanderwood was on my side heckling him that since he refused to see a doctor he had to at least let me be his nurse. I washed the makeshift bandage, disinfected the wound with vodka, and made him a new bandage.

“You’re pretty good at this.” Vanderwood commented.

“I’ve seen a lot of movies.” I stated in a very matter of fact way.

They both laughed. Vanderwood mentioning that it all seemed surreal.

I sat on the sofa with the bottle of vodka and took a swig, then another, and another until my head felt dizzy. I put the cap back on and placed the bottle on the table in front of me, it made a clang when it toppled over and Saeyoung automatically looked in my direction.

“Oops.” I snorted.

“Are you okay?” he faltered.

“I’m fine, just needed to clear my head.” I slurred.

“You’re drunk.”

“Thought I’d take a shot too.” I taunted.

“She’s funny.” Vanderwood said and I sneered.

“Shut up Mary.” Saeyoung chided.

Saeran suddenly walked in.

“Here comes crazy.” I mumbled.

“What’s wrong with her?” Saeran asked.

“She’s drunk.” Vanderwood replied, pointing to the vodka bottle on the table.

“Saeran, did you eat?” I asked him as clearly as I could manage.

He looked annoyed but when he saw how distressed I was, he nodded.

“Okay, I’m going to sleep now.” I stood up shakily and stumbled towards the kitchen to get a bottle of water. I tripped on a cable on my way to the bedroom and Saeran caught me. When I looked up to see it was him holding my arm I flinched and shouted “Don’t fucking touch me!”

He let me go and yelled “Fine, hit the floor for all I care, crazy woman.”

“You don’t get to call me crazy, you fucking psycho, I’d rather kiss the floor than have you touch me again.” I snarled. Saeran stomped his way outside muttering to himself.

“I like her.” Vanderwood remarked.

“Shut up Mary.” I heard Saeyoung sneer.

I couldn’t afford to get a hangover so I drank plenty of water and eventually fell asleep.

When I woke up to go to the bathroom Saeyoung was settled next to me, Vanderwood and Saeran were in the living room. He opened his eyes when I got back and I hurriedly went to check his wound.

“I’m fine. You did a good job.” he reassured me.

“I’m glad, I’m so worried about you.” I whispered, sadness tinging my voice.

“I’m more concerned about you, how are you feeling?”

“Sleepy, but otherwise okay. I’m not hungover if that’s what you’re worried about, I know how to take care of myself.”

“You drink, cuss, love to fuck… you’re an all around sinner aren’t you?”

“Like I said, ‘If you’re going to be a sinner, be the best sinner around.’”

“What am I going to do with you?” he mocked.

“Love me forever.”

“Forevermore.”

“Guess I’m not the only one with a good memory.” I pecked his nose.

“Guess not.” he concluded.

We got up and I started packing all our stuff, I didn’t let him touch anything. Vanderwood and Saeran woke up to the sound of me rustling and dragging stuff into the car, that being their cue to get ready.

“Do you have everything?” Saeyoung asked me.

“Yes, but I don’t feel good about this.”

“You don’t?” he questioned.

I had a really bad feeling that I couldn’t shake off. Even the cat robot answered “I don’t either, meow.”

He said he’d check his weapons again and ordered the robot cat to switch to battery mode. I took a look around the cabin to make sure I hadn’t left anything and Vanderwood went to discuss things with Saeyoung. Saeran was just sitting on the sofa, looking annoyed. I put a bottle of water in front of him so he’d take it and went back to stand by Saeyoung. He tried to approach his brother but it went the same as before, Saeran had no interest in listening to his twin’s excuses, growing disturbed the more Saeyoung tried to explain. I jumped when I heard a knock on the door. Vanderwood suspected it was someone from the agency. Saeyoung tried to hold a gun and Vanderwood advised him not to because of his bad arm. The knocking on the door continued. Vanderwood suggested to start shooting. Saeran stood up and walked over to us saying “Move over…” Vanderwood went to grab him, telling him to stay still. Saeyoung asked his brother what he was doing. “Back off traitors.” he spat back and opened the door. “You’re just in time.” he greeted the person at the door. But then his reaction changed and started questioning angrily at the person in front of him. That’s when V walked in. “What the fuck.” I thought. I dropped one of the bags I was holding. He greeted Saeyoung by his real name as if their last encounter had never happened. I guess Saeran managed to communicate with Mint Eye and was expecting someone else. Saeyoung demanded to know why V was there. He came to take us all to Mint Eye. Saeran kept shouting asking about the savior, god, I wanted someone to shoot him and V joined the crazy train saying he was ready to take us all by force but that he had to be the one to send the message since the savior chose him. Just our luck. Saeyoung tried to do something on his phone but his arm hurt too much, he had tried to input the coordinates to the cabin but left out half of it. The cultists started to grab us while V and Saeyoung had another spat. My hands were tied with rope, Saeyoung glanced in my direction and tried to reassure me that he’d find a way to get us out. We were dragged into a windowless van and taken to the Mint Eye building. There they led us down the hall into a temple with a throne where a woman with long blond hair and green eyes dressed in a clerical robe was sitting, looking regal yet menacing.

“I brought them here, just as you said, Rika.” V announced.

No wonder she looked familiar, I thought she was dead though, but at that point nothing surprised me anymore. Saeyoung couldn’t believe it either, I’d had so many WTF moments recently that I just stared on, waiting to see what happened next, almost expecting a camera crew to show up or something. Saeyoung’s questions went unanswered and Saeran reported to Rika, then she dismissed us. He mentioned something about having us go through an entering ceremony. Great, they wanted us to drink the Kool-Aid, I thought to myself. The cultists took us to an underground dungeon, I couldn’t fucking believe it, it was like something from a movie. They locked us in a cell and everything. Saeyoung wasn’t doing well and I didn’t have anything on me to help nurse his wound. Even when he was hurt and possibly bleeding to death, he worried about me and wanted me to believe that we’d get out of there safe. I told him I was fine, that I was more worried about him.

“That woman is really something.” Vanderwood muttered.

Saeyoung and Vanderwood went over what things they could use in that situation and Vanderwood asked him about Rika, they talked a little about her and then went back to brain storming. After a while a battered V showed up in front of our cell, asking Saeyoung if he was okay. I was so confused, we were there because of him but he never stopped worrying about Saeyoung. V handed him his cellphone to call Jumin but Saeyoung thought it was a trap. I told him it was worth a try, it’s not like we had any other way and I wanted him to get treated as fast as possible. I sighed in relief when he trusted me and took the phone. Saeyoung started to question V again but this time V said that there was no more use in hiding things. I swear to god, it was the most vague answer possible. It’s like V stood for Vague. He confessed it was better to tell everyone that Rika had committed suicide to hide the fact she started a cult, he wasn’t part of it but kept tabs on her. Apparently she’d been mentally ill for a long time and his photos were therapeutic to her, that’s how they met. Nobody else knew of her illness, not even Jumin and they were supposedly great friends. After the second party her paranoia got worse and she hopped on the crazy train straight to Magenta, leaving her boyfriend behind after mutilating him. When he was asked about Saeran he didn’t know when Rika had reached out to him, he had his suspicions after the first hack attempt. It was disheartening information for Saeyoung, since he knew it took more than a year or 2 to become so proficient at hacking, especially the system he’d created.

Saeyoung was getting upset again at V, blaming him for everything, threatening him, he was straining himself and all V could do was apologize. Just like the last time we were at Mint Eye. But V wasn’t doing well either, it looked like he’d taken a beating before he got to us. I told Saeyoung that I understood how he felt but that he had to think of himself, and stop. He didn’t stop though, he had calmed down a bit but then asked V about me and what I had to do in all of it. He said he suspected Rika’s involvement when I first logged on the RFA chat and that he accepted me so I wouldn’t be in danger. That didn’t make any sense to me, but neither did anything around me. Rika wanted to absorb all the RFA members into Mint Eye to prove V wrong but the plan failed because Saeyoung foiled his brother. At that point I was listening to the ravings of a lovesick madman, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hug or punch him.. Saeyoung told Mary to turn on the phone to access his server. He sent our coordinates to Jumin and instructions to the Robot Cat. Vanderwood freaked out when he saw it, thought it was the fire breathing robot. Meowy spit out 5 tomatoes, Vanderwood was equal parts disgusted and shocked, I sniggled a bit. I thanked Saeyoung. My darling is so thoughtful. He asked the robot about the security and it reported there were 3 guards and a woman had caught it on its way. Guess it meant Rika and soon enough she showed up.

“I’m sure you were shocked when you saw Saeran, but you have to admire his loyalty. He got a tattoo of the Mint Eye logo on his arm.” she declared.

Ugh, how dare she speak that way to Saeyoung about his brother?

“What happened to you?” he asked her.

“You have to get one too… it’s good to be more like Saeran.” she continued.

I thought of Saeran, mmmm, nope, nope, nope, these people are insane.

“What did you do to Saeran?” he demanded.

“I saved him and I’ll save you too soon, but it’ll take time to make sure your brain is happy. You need to go through a certain process. It won’t be easy… but Saeran went through it too.”

She was talking about the indoctrination process. That pushed Saeyoung over the edge he started to yell at her and she had the creepiest smile, it was just like Saeran’s. I shut my eyes. She kept spouting nonsense and V pleaded with her to stop involving innocent people. She turned to him and sounded crazier than ever, I didn’t even think that was possible. I felt sorry for V, I could tell he loved her but the woman was insane. I guess you’d have to be to start a cult and we were in a dungeon. Yeah, nothing about that was sane. Rika left and ordered the guards to take us to the ceremony. We could only hope that Jumin would make it on time before they started brainwashing us. Rika started the service, I guess, and V was brought in. Then Saeran showed up shouting, upset that his brother was part of the ceremony, discrediting what she’d said to him that he would not be invited to paradise. She told him that he was an asset and to please not interrupt. Saeran was offended, spouting that he could be greater than his brother, that he was the chosen one, and other nonsense. She told him that he’d been given his chance and he was never able to defeat Saeyoung, he needed to accept his failures. He got more agitated, shouting that he was promised revenge, that he risked his life to bring him, and she was going to let him live? Saeyoung asked Vanderwood to untie his bandaged arm. Rika called Saeran foolish and something about getting rid of rotten leaves. Saeran continued to question his savior, growing crazed with each comeback. Rika ordered guards to take him away to be brainwashed again. Saeyoung stepped up to defend his brother and pulled out a gun to keep the cultists from reaching his twin. He warned them that if they touched his brother he would destroy them all. Saeran looked surprised to see him act that way for his sake. Saeyoung kept shouting to stop doing this to his family.

“We’re going home now.” he uttered and that made Saeran snap.

“You dare block me?! You dare?! I’m going to kill you.”

“Saeran, please, let’s go home.” he pleaded with his brother but then he fainted. I tried to run to him but was held back by the guard. Saeran started to really lose it, when the cultists started to close in on them, he snatched the gun from Saeyoung’s hand and screamed for everyone to get away from him. He was going to shoot whomever came close, he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Rika commanded her followers to give him the “medicine of salvation” and Saeran warned again that he’d shoot if they got close and spouted some crap to his savior; she wouldn’t do this him, she loved him, etc. but that she’d changed ever since V came. He blamed V for everything, pointed the gun, and shot him in the head. I watched in horror, but so did Rika. V’s last words were, “I‘m always with you, like the sun. Love of my soul, Rika.” When I heard her scream, shivers coursed throughout my body. I looked at V, dead on the floor, looked at Saeyoung almost dead on the floor, looked at Saeran, letting go of the gun, then I heard knocks on the door, it was smashed open. I was crying, of sadness and joy. We were rescued by Jumin’s horde of bodyguards and taken into his helicopter. We rushed Saeyoung and V to a hospital. V was declared dead, we told Jumin it was suicide. Saeyoung and Saeran got admitted, I stayed with Vanderwood in the waiting room.

“Do you think he’ll be ok?” I asked him.

“He’s pretty stubborn, he might come out just fine.”

I went to get us some coffee. I had 3 coffees in total the time I spent in the waiting room. Vanderwood went outside to smoke a cigarette at some point. I paced anxiously between a row of chairs. Eventually Jumin came to see me. I told him I was fine, physically, just shocked and worried. He told me the doctor said Saeyoung was going to pull through, they were doing a blood transfusion. I sighed in relief. Jaehee was going to stop by and I could go eat something with her. I was famished. It was a little awkward introducing myself but she’s so polite, I was grateful she’d brought take out, I couldn’t remember how long it had been since I’d eaten a proper meal. Jaehee told me that Saeyoung had to stay at the hospital for observation in intensive care, I wouldn’t be allowed to see him. That was bad news for me. I asked her if I could return to the apartment and she left to get Jumin. He came up to me and said he’d arrange for someone to take me there, he offered a bodyguard and I declined, I didn’t think I’d be in danger anymore. I needed to be alone.

I was excited to finally take a shower, my clothes smelled like musty dungeon. I shuddered at the thought of that place. I didn’t have any clothes with me so I put on some of Rika’s pre-Mint Eye clothes. I didn’t realize how much I had missed that bed compared to every other place I had slept in since I’d left the apartment. Exhaustion and anxiety took over me and I cried myself to sleep. I had missed calls from Jaehee when I woke up, I called her, explained I’d fallen asleep. Saeyoung had been transferred to a room and I could visit him. I rushed to the convenience store to buy toiletries and hurried back to the apartment to brush my teeth. I was happy to see I’d left my keys on the table, I grabbed them and went to get my car. I’d missed it so much, after the week I had, driving to a hospital to see my wounded boyfriend seemed completely normal. He was safe, I was glad, he asked me if I was alright, I smiled for him, only because I was glad he was alive, unlike V, who I’d watched die, by the hands of Saeran. I shook my head to bury the memory and grinned for the man that made me happy. He said he would be released soon and had to come back a few times a week for physical therapy. I told him I was glad, and that I’d be there when he needed me.

The agency Saeyoung worked for had been dissolved thanks to Saeran releasing their sensitive information online, that’s probably the only good thing he managed to do for his brother. That meant they weren’t after us anymore and I could sleep better at night, figure of speech of course, it took a long while for me to be able to get some real rest. Sometimes I had dreamless nights and those were the best, albeit short, I couldn’t manage more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. Everything that had happened haunted me in my dreams, Saeyoung would sometimes console me but when his brother refused all treatment I was mostly alone in the apartment, that’s when I decided to go back to my house, I thought a change of scenery would help me. It was nice to get back in my bed and start working again. It kept me busy, Saeyoung was worried but I assured him I was fine, we spoke a lot on the phone and he apologized every time for not spending time with me. I had to tell him that I understood that he had to care for his brother, there’d be time for us later. I did my best at being empathetic and offer him my support as much as I could. Focusing on work is what got me through that time, even though I could barely sleep. Sometimes I’d call Zen to cheer me up, that seemed to work, he made me smile when I thought I couldn’t. I’d kept up chatting with the others in the app, if it weren’t for them I don’t know how I could’ve pulled myself together. Once again they were a welcoming distraction from my despair. It was a little painful to keep secrets from all of them, Jaehee and Jumin were aware of most of the details and made sure the information about who the twin’s father is wouldn’t be leaked. I had to be strong for Saeyoung but I had moments when I was weak. The nightmares tormented me and when they got worse I’d drink myself back to sleep, at least that way I managed a few dreamless hours. God bless the power of makeup, my dark circles were practically tattooed on my face. I was lucky I worked from home and didn’t have to see my boss very often. I made sure to look as presentable as I could every time I had to mingle with society.

The time Saeyoung spent locked in the house with his brother, I reached out to my family. Said I’d been sick, that’s why I wasn’t very active in my social media, they were glad to know I was well. I told them I had a boyfriend and they were ecstatic, wanted to know all about him. Shit, it was so hard to tell them about Saeyoung without saying anything compromising. I told them he’s an engineer, I remembered the things he made and his hacking prowess and figured that’d be the best I could manage to say about him. They were proud of me and having their support meant a lot. I changed my profile picture to a photo of the two of us and got a lot of likes and comments that we looked cute together, what an adorable couple, they were happy for me, etc. I think that’s the most normal thing I managed to do for a long while besides getting back to work. But at least I didn’t have to keep him a secret, he said it was okay to post about us, it made him excited and that made me happy in return. I knew everything would be alright.


	8. Seeing Double

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and Zen go out for drinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a break from the canon and wrote this as a present day kinda thing to be more diary like, I wrote all the previous chapters back to back and was getting pretty tired so I tried something different. There's smut in this one. This chapter is NSFW due to a sex scene and mentions of abuse.

Dear diary,

Present time. Zen and I had made plans to go out for drinks. He’d been having a hard time lately rehearsing for a new musical that opens next month, his role has a lot of dancing choreography and he’s been practicing every day for weeks, always complaining about exhaustion in the chat. I’ve been keeping myself busy with my regular work, RFA work, and updating this journal in between. Sometimes when I’m writing I forget the time and end up getting home pretty late, wishing for a home cooked meal on my way in but knowing that the chances of that happening are pretty slim. I really needed a break from my routine and just talk with a friend. Zen is practically like my brother, he’s so overprotective but supportive, just like my older sibling, except I’m older than Zen, but that doesn’t stop him from being so caring. In terms of size I’m much smaller in comparison, I can only match his height if I’m wearing platforms and I rarely don those. I tend to choose comfort.

I’d told the boys I’d be home late because Zen was picking me up for drinks. Saeyoung was a little offended he wasn’t invited but I reminded him he wasn’t much of a drinker. I wanted a drinking buddy, I needed my drinking buddy. I knew he was probably a bit jealous but he knew better than to doubt me or Zen for that matter, sure, he’s a sexy flirt but he’s our friend and I trust him with my life. It’s not like I had a lot of friends in the first place and he knew that. I kissed Saeyoung goodbye and grabbed his butt, telling him not to worry while I squeezed it. He beamed me at me and said he couldn’t stay mad and to have fun.

Zen got there in his motorcycle but we left in my car, it was just easier in case I had too much to drink, safety first and all that, Saeyoung had given me a speech about it as if he were my parent or if I were Yoosung. I told him I knew how to take care of myself, I managed fine before meeting him. Of course then he’d bring up the shit that happened with Saeran and my recklessness in following random addresses and falling for a secret agent. These were the conversations I was tired of hearing. Saeyoung was like an overbearing mother and it was sweet at first, after everything we’d been through, I understand his worry if something happened to me., but I needed to move on, there’s only so much caution a person can take before life stops being enjoyable. Sometimes I feel like I’m surviving instead of living. Things are great with Saeyoung and all, my only real complaint is feeling like I’m in a cage. Welcome to the RFA Zoo or something like that. That’d make a great reality show. At least if my life were surrounded by a camera crew it would feel less invasive I think because of the amount of people involved. How I feel on a regular basis can be described as being stalked, spied on, Big Brother is listening type of vibe. He’s hacked into the traffic system sometimes out of boredom just to see if I made it safe to work I try to convince myself that he means well and I’ve confronted him about it but old habits die hard. He promised he’d keep himself busy so he wouldn’t have to resort to tracking me through hacking whenever he felt anxious for my safety. These were the things I talked about it in the car with Zen.

I drew the line after the traffic camera incident, when I got home that day, I went straight to where he was and yelled at him about boundaries, letting me live, make my own choices, not everything is a statistic, stop looking at patterns in everything, etc. I understood his arguments, he’s stubborn, but I enunciated clearly my demands and I agreed that he could track my phone and nothing else. I was so pissed off that my cursing and yelling made Saeran pop in to see what was happening even though the rooms are soundproofed. I yelled at them both saying that none of them could tell the other to hack for the sake of tracking me, it was forbidden. “No loopholes!” I shouted “Or I swear to god you’ll regret it, you should be more concerned about your own motherfucking safety if you dare defy me. I’m serious, this is your final warning.” I threatened them in the most menacing voice I could muster. I was seething. They knew better than to challenge me after that. It had been bothering me for a while and I was trying my best to be considerate, but not that day. It had been a stressful week. Zen for the most part agreed with me. Albeit he thought I was a little scary and probably shouldn’t have waited so long to tell Saeyoung what was bothering me.

“Yeah. But at least I feel a little better after my bitch fit. It’s hard to live a normal life when you feel like someone is stalking you.”

“That’s how I feel when I have paparazzis following me around.”

“Right? Isn’t it annoying?”

“I always have to look my best no matter where I am.”

“That sounds like hard work.”

“It is, people don’t realize how hard I work to keep looking this handsome.”

“It’s impossible for a paparazzi to take an unflattering photo of you.”

“You think? I know God must’ve made a mistake when he made me this handsome but I think you made a mistake in not choosing me, perhaps you need glasses?”

“Maybe.” I muttered.

“I hate seeing you look so sad, it’s like you lost some of the light in your eyes. Under normal circumstances you’d laugh at a comment like that.”

“Yeah, that’s probably why I need several drinks in my system..”

“Then drink we shall! We’re almost there, stay beside me at all times ok?”

I nodded, we got to the bar and Zen ran into some fans, I sat on a stool close to the flock of screeching girls so he’d be able to see me. I ordered 2 beers and tipped the bartender. Zen made it past the fan horde and sat next to me. I could feel several pairs of eyes on me. It was unnerving, that was my cue to start chugging that cold beer.

“Slow down, there’s no hurry.” he nagged.

“It’s not easy hanging out with a celebrity. They’re all staring. Maybe I should’ve called Yoosung.”

“Yoosung? That boy? Nah. He drinks two beers and starts crying over anything and tumbling like a moron. You need someone that can hold their liquor and be a shoulder to cry on just in case or strong enough to carry you home.”

“You’re so sweet Zen, I’m lucky to have you as my friend.”

“Well, of course. I wouldn’t let my friend’s woman come to a place like this alone. I’d punch anyone that would try something with you. All men are wolves you know? They like to advantage of girls when they’re drunk.”

“Speaking of drunk girls, order 2 more beers please.”

“Alright! Bartender, 2 more beers! Wait… did you just call me a girl?”

“Took you a while.”

“Oh hooo, there’s the girl I know, wooo! Let’s have fun okay?”

Zen had finished his beer by the time the other 2 got there. I took my time with the second beer and listened to him talk about the other actors messing up the dance so many times. That day the director decided to change the scene and now they had to learn a new choreography.

“I’m so pissed. I worked my butt off dancing perfectly and everybody else couldn’t keep up, so instead of everyone stepping up their dancing game, they’re dumbing mine down.” he grumbled in his dramatic tone.

“Aw man, that sucks, on one hand it’s less work for you, sort of, but on the other you don’t get to use all your potential.”

“Exactly, you understand perfectly. I’m always serious about my work and try hard at making each performance a well crafted masterpiece, but then shit like this happens and it’s a little disheartening.”

“Cheer up Zen, what matters is that the play is a success. And with you in it, I’m sure it will be.”

“It means a lot to hear you say that, I know you don’t like musicals much but do you want tickets to go see this one? You can go with the twins.”

“I’ll think about it. I could go for work reasons and write a review.”

“You work too much, you’re just like Jaehee, always working, thinking about work when they’re not working, you need to enjoy life and leave work where it belongs… at work.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, bad habit Maybe I should go with Jaehee to the play.”

“Instead of the twins? Did something else happen with them?”

“That’s not what I meant. You could invite her and we’ll all cheer for you.”

“Oh, well yeah, of course. She’s always been a fan, I just have to tell that trust fund kid to give her a break the day of the opening so she can go.”

“Don’t worry about Jumin, I can tell him.”

“Great ‘cause I hate talking to that guy, gives me a headache.”

“I know Zen, I know.”

“Yeah, you know me so well, but I know you too. Bartender! 4 vodka shots!”

“Alright! 2 for me and 2 for you, back to back.”

“You’re not like other girls you know that? You drink, curse, aren’t ashamed to talk dirty, Saeyoung is a really lucky man.”

“He knows it, I remember when he teased me by saying that he was going to tell you that I was the big bad wolf in sheep’s clothing trying to take advantage of him and not the other way around.”

“Ooooh, you must’ve been so naughty for him to say that, what were you doing? Wait, no, don’t tell me, it’s better if I don’t know. You’re so bad sometimes and your face reveals that you enjoy being bad.”

“I’m not bad, just a little wicked. But, you’re a bad boy yourself, that’s why it’s so much fun talking to you, you understand me.”

“Ahm, I feel like we shouldn’t be talking about these things.”

“It’s just a harmless conversation between friends. No need to get hot and bothered, one more round of vodka, ok?”

“Okay, Bartender! 2 shots of vodka.”

“And order some water, we’ve been drinking a lot, I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Do you need an escort?”

“Ha ha Zen, I appreciate your services but I’m not interested.”

“Hmmmm? Ooooh. Silly, not that kind of escort.”

“Yea yeah, I know, I just like watching your reaction. I’ll be right back.”

I went to the bathroom to pee and checked my phone on my way out, Saeyoung had sent a text saying he’d be working in his workshop, I replied Ok, that I’d be home late. That probably meant I’d sleep alone that night, but it’s ok I had enough to drink and was probably going to pass out when I got to the bed, so it did him well to keep busy and not wait for me.

Our water and shots were waiting when I got back. Zen mentioned something about a piece I was working on and I reminded him that work should stay at work, we were there to forget about work and have fun. After that last shot of vodka I got the marvelous idea of going to a karaoke bar, ‘cause it’s fun and I was all about the fun.

“Karaoke? Now? At this hour? My voice is not at its best.”

“Oh Zenny, you’re the best singer I know, come sing with me.” I begged.

“When you say it like that it’s pretty hard to say no.”

“Yesssss, I’ll use Buber so we don’t have to drive, I don’t think any of us is fit for driving right now, so we’ll sing karaoke, buy fish shaped bread, and come back for my car, by then we should be fine.”

“That sounds like a well thought out plan.”

We went to the karaoke bar in a Buber and sang a few songs, they were having happy hour, so I drank both cocktails since Zen was my designated driver. On our way back we walked a little bit, just talking about the things around us and movies we liked, got fish shaped bread, and then went back to my car. If anyone had been watching, it probably looked like a date, I hoped paparazzi didn’t follow us. That kind of attention is unnecessary, for me anyway. Zen drove me back to the house, picked up his motorcycle and left. Everything went according to plan, I had fun and was safe at home. He sent me a selfie when he got to his apartment, his way of letting me know he got there back safe. I texted one back, making a silly face.

I stopped by the kitchen first to get some water, I was really drunk and needed to rehydrate before going to bed or else I knew I’d get a terrible hangover, luckily I didn’t have to work the next day. I bumped into something, making me lose my balance, the glass I was holding fell on the floor and shattered but someone held my arm so I wouldn’t fall. I looked up and it was Saeyoung, apparently he had just gotten out of the shower, his hair was wet and all he was wearing was a bath robe. I pulled myself up and he caught me.

“Mmmm, hey there sexy.” I slipped my hand up his robe to grab his ass.

“Are you…” I cut him off with a kiss. He removed my hand from under the robe and placed it by my side.

“Not in the mood? Fine. I’m tired anyway.”

“Watch out for the broken glass.” he warned.

“Shit. Saeran. I thought you were…”

“… my brother.”

“Fuck.”

“I think that’s what you wanted me to do to you just now.”

“Ugh, shut up.” I was going to turn my back to him but he told me to wait.

“Don’t move, let me clean up the glass.”

“That would be a first.” I scoffed.

He glared at me and went to get the broom and dust pan.

I practically guffawed when he got back.

“Why are you laughing?”

I laughed harder when he asked why.

He decided to ignore me and clean up the glass while I was laughing. When he came back he gave me a glass of water.

“That’s another first.” I chortled.

“You’re drunk.” he stated.

“Yeah, and I almost picked the wrong Choi-ce.”

Now it was his turn to laugh.

“Glad one of you finds that funny.” I quipped.

“You’re really something.”

“Goodnight Saeran.”

“Need help finding your room?”

“Think I’ll mistake yours for mine?”

“In your current state? It’s possible.”

“I’m fine. Thanks for helping me. And for uh… ignoring my advances.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

“I really appreciate it.”

“So, you think I’m sexy?” he teased.

“Jesus fucking Christ Saeran, go get dressed.”

He chuckled and went to his room. I breathed deeply and called Saeyoung.

“I think Saeran needs to start bleaching his hair again.”

“What? Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I just kissed the wrong Choi-ce.”

“That joke is still not funny. I’ll see you soon.”

His reaction to what happened was far from what I expected. He couldn’t fault his brother since he clearly helped my drunk ass and shot me down when I threw myself at him, and even cleaned up my mess. We were in our room, he sat on the bed to listen while I took off my makeup and clothes. I was furious because all he did was chuckle and tease me.

“Saeyoung, how the hell can you be amused by this?”

“I don’t know, you look so cute when you’re mad, don’t get me wrong, I’m aware of what you’re saying. I just can’t help but find it funny that you thought my brother was me in your drunken state.”

“This is not the time to be thinking like a prankster.”

“Was your vision that impaired that you couldn’t see his eyes or was it dark?” he asked really curious, smirking.

“He wasn’t wearing his contacts and the bath robe covered his tattoo, his hair usually looks a bit more dull than yours but since it was wet I couldn’t tell the difference.”

“I can’t blame you for what you did. I don’t think I ever thought deeply about how hard it must be for you living with us.”

“Thank god he still wears his contacts, because honestly it gets harder to tell the difference between you two. I’m sure that when you were kids your mom always knew which one was which because Saeran was always sick, but that’s not the case anymore. He’s fine now, let his hair grow out to his natural color and ditched the leather jacket, if you’re both in the same room with your backs turned it’s hard to tell you apart.”

“I’m sorry to be putting you through this, you’re amazing for being so patient with me.”

“You know what? Fuck you. My patience has its limits Saeyoung, I wanted to go out for drinks to clear my head because I don’t know how to cope with all… of this… and now this happened and I just hate myself more.”

I’d been standing all that time, I felt beyond exhausted. I dropped myself on the bed to cry, curling up into a fetal position, clutching the blanket to cover my face. He tried to comfort me but I shooed him away.

“Leave me alone. I just want to sleep. Go away, please.” I felt him get off the bed and leave. It was sunrise, I don’t know for how long I cried but I eventually fell asleep. It was late afternoon when I dragged myself out of the bed. I took a shower, I felt dirty, I’d been too tired to take one before going to bed so I took my time to wash my hair and go through everything that had happened the night before, too bad I couldn’t wash the shame away. I brushed my teeth and got dressed. I was relieved I didn’t have to work that day. When I went to the kitchen to make myself some coffee I felt that something was a little off in the house, it was too quiet. Suddenly I saw one of the twins run into the living room weaving hand signs and shouting “Kage Bunshin no jutsu!” and the other twin popped into view.

“It’s too early for this shit.” I spat.

“It’s 4 o’clock in the afternoon.” one of them said.

“I haven’t had my coffee yet so it’s still too early for this shit.”

“Maybe you’re seeing double.” said the twin on the right.

“Seriously, what the fuck? I’m not drunk right now, maybe a little hungover… Look, I’m glad you’re getting along enough to play games but please, not at my expense.”

“C’mon, guess which one is which.”

“If I throw a knife, will one of you disappear?”

“This was a terrible idea.” whispered the twin on the left to his brother.

“Glad you think so Saeran, don’t let your brother rope you into his pranks.”

“She got us.” he muttered to his grinning brother.

“Only my fiancée would be stupid enough to come up with shit like this.”

“She’s right.” Saeran chortled.

“I’m going to make my coffee now, when I turn around I want you both gone or I swear to god I’ll make you both regret it.” I sneered.

They looked at each other wide eyed and left the living room. I went ahead and made my coffee in peace, sort of, I could hear them talking in the distance but I was glad the walls muffled the sound. I needed to keep myself busy. I was starving and thought it’d be a great idea to make pancakes. They didn’t dare show their faces in the kitchen so I had time to eat mine, serve theirs, get my bag and leave the house. I sent them a text that I had left pancakes for them when I jumped into my car and left the house. I didn’t know where to go but it felt great to drive around for a while. Saeyoung called a few times but I let it go to voicemail, I knew he could track me if he wanted to. I ended up going to Zen’s special spot, he’d taken me there once, it took me a while to figure out how to get on the right road but once I was on it, I found my way there easily. The view was so beautiful, the sun was setting and the sky looked like it was on fire. Fire like their hair and golden eyes, ugh, I closed my eyes and remembered my shameless ass grabbing of the wrong twin and their stupid shadow clone stunt.

“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.” I muttered to the wind. I knew I had to get home before it got dark, I had no choice but to hop in my car and drive back. It was night by the time I got to the house. Saeyoung was waiting for me in the kitchen, I was a little surprised to see that they’d clean after themselves, saved me the trouble of doing the dishes.

“Welcome home.” he greeted, careful not to get too close.

“For a genius you’re really stupid sometimes.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. Anything you want.”

“Anything?” I taunted.

“Anything.”

“Alright, I’ll take your word for it.”

“So, what do you want?”

“I want you… to fuck my brains out.”

“Heh. I figured as much. You’re so predictable.” he held out his hand and uttered “Come with me, I’ll take you to the stars.”

It’d been a while since we’d had sex. I didn’t feel comfortable knowing that Saeran was in the house so the couple of times we did it I was drunk.

Even if I knew our room was soundproof, just knowing he was not that far away made me feel uneasy, so it was hard to get in the mood. Saeyoung didn’t approve of my drinking to get horny but it got the job done. Once Saeran started to grow out his bleached hair and go back to his natural locks I felt less apprehensive around him. I couldn’t be in the same room with him before, not without a sense of queasiness in the pit of my stomach. I managed to keep an appearance of normalcy but it took a lot of effort. I had to remind myself each time that he was also going through a difficult period of adjusting. I couldn’t quite fathom what was going on in his mind but I was consistently nice to him. I knew he needed love and warmth, so I always tried to make him feel welcome. It wasn’t fair to Saeran for me to take out my frustrations on him, he’d suffered enough.

I moved into the house after Saeyoung and I got engaged. That meant seeing Saeran every day. I thought I could handle it. Turns out it was harder than I thought. That’s when I started drinking more often. I kept a bottle of vodka in my underwear drawer. Sometimes I felt ashamed, but I didn’t know how to deal with sharing a house with my fiancée’s psycho twin. I was thankful that Saeyoung had bought Rika’s apartment to turn it into the RFA office. After it was completely remodeled I’ve been coming here ever since to work/hide. I’m sure Saeyoung knew I felt uncomfortable at the house, he never said anything about it, but he’s pretty intuitive when he wants to be, my constant drinking was proof that I was not well. I honestly don’t know how long I’d been in the sin bin. He didn’t want me to drink to have sex, said I was getting sloppier, it wasn’t fun anymore, he was genuinely concerned, wanted me to go to rehab. We stopped having sex, I drank less, and spent more time working at the office. That’s around the time Jumin started to suggest therapy. I refused every time, I didn’t want to talk about my problems. I kept myself occupied with work. Everyone was concerned about me, I appreciated them of course, but they didn’t know what I knew. There were details that were never talked about.

After V’s funeral, Jumin was willing to prosecute Rika since he blamed her for his best friend’s death, and that’s understandable. He wanted to feel useful and do something about it. When Jumin started an investigation to build a case against Rika, Saeyoung deleted all traces of Mint Eye and Jumin’s evidence. Zen and Yoosung had sent Rika to a rehabilitation program overseas without telling anyone, so there was nothing left of Mint Eye, except Saeran’s tattoo and mint colored lenses. Jumin offered him to pay for his tattoo removal but he turned him down, he wanted to keep it as a reminder and he liked wearing the contacts so he’d look different than his brother. At least it was easier for me to tell them apart, so for that, I was grateful. There was nothing else Jumin could do. We all found ways to cope after that. Yoosung started college again, Zen went back to acting, Jumin and Jaehee carried on working, Saeyoung took care of his brother, and I went back home. I visited Saeyoung several times a week, offering my support and cheering him on, telling him his brother would get better. I was unsure myself, the emotional scars ran deep but I’d tell him that patience, love, and time would heal him. It was the only advice I could offer since it was the same I had to tell myself. I felt empty back at my house, I had told my room mates I’d been in the city staying with a cousin that was visiting, we went sightseeing and stuff, they didn’t press for details, it sounded credible enough. I spoke to Saeyoung every day on the phone while his brother was in the hospital and I visited a few times when he took him to his house. Once Saeyoung was sure that Saeran wasn’t a danger to himself or anyone, he asked me to marry him in a get together we had with all our friends and I’ve been living with the Choi twins ever since. I knew Saeran didn’t kill V in cold blood, it happened during strenuous circumstances and he wasn’t in his right mind, but that doesn’t change the facts. I had to come to terms that I had to share a roof with him. So I was elated when Saeyoung carried me to our room to have sex for the first time in a long while.

He let me go at the foot of the bed, kissing me passionately while I practically tore off his clothes and he undressed me swiftly. He left my panties on and slid his hand to press his fingers to my slit, I moaned into his mouth and grabbed his hard on, stroking it gently up and down while he pleasured me with his hand, I broke the kiss to gasp for air and he started to kiss my neck, shoulders, collar bone, he was moving lower, I let him go, he was kissing my abdomen, pelvic bone, he slid down my panties and threw me on the bed, panties dropping to the floor. He buried his face between my thighs, licking my folds until entering me with his tongue. I gasped and mussed up his hair while I squirmed, he sucked my nub, sending shivers down my legs. “Agh, Saeyoung.” I moaned, he looked up and lifted his head so I could see his smirk. I grabbed him by the shoulders to pull him towards me and with that momentum he thrust inside of me, I embraced him tightly with my arms and legs, feeling the warmth of his skin, the pressure of his length pawing me inside, I bit his lip playfully and he did a little growling noise, burrowing his face in my neck to lick, suck, and bite as we fucked. I’d missed him so much. He lifted his torso to lift my legs and keep them up as he kept ramming into me, he’d found my sweet spot, he knew by the noises I was making. I angled my hips a little higher and moaned for him to go slower and deeper until I clenched my fists and felt convulsions rippling throughout my body, he pulled out and went back in a few times, pummeling into me until I felt him orgasm, twitching erratically and putting my legs to the side, to lie down beside me.

“God, how I’ve missed you.” I panted.

“You’d been in the sin bin long enough. Nice to see you sober.” he noted.

“I’m sorry, I know you’re disappointed in me. I’ve been trying real hard to pull myself together and be as supportive as I can. I even threw away the bottle of vodka I was hiding, last night was my first drink in a while.”

“No, there’s nothing for you to apologize. You’ve stayed by my side all this time even when it’s causing you so much pain. I’m not stupid, I know you stay away from home as long as you can because it’s difficult for you to be around my brother. You’ve been nothing but loving and understanding from the start, I feel terrible for seeing you depressed. I’m scared that you’ll grow tired and leave, I don’t want to lose you.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, I’ve been depressed before, that’s not it. Distressed would be a more accurate description. No matter how difficult things are right now, I know they’ll get better, have some faith, we just need more time. I’d never leave you, you’re my god, I absolutely adore you.”

“God Seven wants you to be happy.”

I shifted to get on top of him, propping my elbows on the bed to hold my face close to his.

“You are my happiness Saeyoung, my burning star that warms my heart and keeps me alive. I don’t think I can live without you. I was a broken woman, living in despair, then you came along and hacked your way into my heart, spreading the virus of love into all my circuits, and I’ve been infected ever since. We were both miserable people that found happiness in each other, how could I ever abandon that?”

“But look at all the pain you’ve suffered. You deserve better than that. Maybe I was foolish, thinking I could have a normal existence… Wouldn’t you prefer to reset your life to before we ever met so you wouldn’t have to be an alcoholic addicted to sex?”

I winced, I was too close to his face and he was getting agitated so I lifted myself off of his chest and sat on him, staring in slight contempt.

“First of all, I’m not addicted to sex. It’s a healthy exercise and great stress reliever. Second of all, I was already an alcoholic before I met you. Do you want to know why I wouldn’t want to reset my life to a time before we met? Do you finally want to know why I was a broken woman when Saeran sent me the address to the apartment? Will you stop pushing me away if you understood about the pain I lived through and why this doesn’t even compare because I don’t have to go through with it alone? I’m really sick of your selfishness. I tell you that you’re the happiest thing to ever happen to me and you try to push me away. You’re such a fucking asshole.” I turned my face away and crawled out of the bed to put the first thing I could find, one of his shirts.

He sat on the bed, picked his underwear from the floor and put them on.

“I’m sorry. Come here and tell me, I’ll listen.”

I took a deep breath and sat beside him.

“I was going to tell you eventually, but it didn’t seem important since you’re still reconciling with your past and I moved on from mine. My last boyfriend was abusive, it was a toxic partnership, as it often happens in that kind of relationship, our verbal fights turned into physical ones. I feared for my life, I tried hiding at a friend’s place but he found me, said I was his, dragged me back. When he found out I was pregnant he beat the shit out of me. I lost the baby and I told him to forget I existed.”

“Damn, I’m… so so sorry, why didn’t you ever talk to me about this?”

“I already told you, I’d moved on, he can’t come after me and you’re still dealing with your past because you’re brother is still alive. My ex and baby are dead, there’s nothing else to do about it.”

“How did he die?”

“I didn’t kill him if that’s what you’re wondering, sometimes I wish I did though. He died in a car accident, drunk driving.”

He remained silent for a while, looking at the floor.

“If you feel bad for not being able to track him down and punch him yourself for abusing me, don’t worry, the physical damage was mutual, it was always a ‘he hit me, I hit back’ scenario. I always retaliated even if he was bigger and stronger than me.”

He stared with wide eyes, speechless.

“I was young and stupid. Didn’t know what love was. He said he loved me, wanted to protect me, be the best for me, empty words. If I did anything that upset him, he’d drop the gentleman façade and turn into a monster later to return into the suave man he was most of the time. He knew how to manipulate me into thinking I was the one that was doing things wrong and deserved to be punished. After every fight we had sex. For a time I thought I was a sadist, maybe I got off on the pain. But then I realized I was just being used. He treated me like an object and not a person. After I lost the baby, I felt empty. I was angry at myself for staying with him so long, ashamed because I didn’t tell anyone at the time, and sad that I had wasted time and energy on someone that didn’t really care about me. After I got out of the hospital I stayed at a friend’s house until I found somewhere else to live, that would be the house I lived in before coming here. What happened after that you already know.”

“I never found a hospital record when I did your background check.”

“I used a pseudonym in case my ex was looking for me.”

“Can I ask what he did to you? I mean, what they treated you for.”

“Oh umm. Broken ribs, hairline fracture to the skull, dislocated shoulder, ruptured spleen, abortion, can’t remember what else, there was stuff from previous injuries too. It was mostly bruising from the kicking.”

He put his arm around my shoulders to hold me. I turned to face him and his eyes were close to shed tears.

“You mean the world to me, stop trying to push me away. I love you. Let me bask in your warmth forever, that’s all I want.” I ruffled his hair and leaned in to kiss him.

“I feel like such an idiot. I’ve been so focused on my problems that I’ve neglected yours. I’m so sorry.”

“Please, don’t apologize. You didn’t know, and this isn’t the kind of topic that comes up casually in conversation and I’m to blame for avoiding it. I never wanted your pity and it’s not a sexy topic to discuss before, after, or during sex. The only reason we’re talking about it now is because you keep telling me about all this so called pain you’re putting me through and that I deserve better. Well guess what mister? You’re the best I’ve got.”

“Alright. I’ll admit to being selfish. But I would never do anything to hurt you. I just want you to be safe and happy.”

“I’m safe and happy when I’m with you. I trust you with my life. After everything I’ve been through, surviving a kidnapping, bomb, secret agent skirmish, and being taken to a cult, all of it has been bearable just because you’ve been by my side. Oh god, that sounds crazy, but our life has been crazy lately, loving you and working are my only constants that give some kind of semblance to a normal life.”

“It does sound crazy. But yeah, our lives have been pretty insane I guess.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I chose you. I knew you were a hacker and a secret agent, you told me your back story and I supported you in everything so you could save your brother. It’s true that Saeran makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes but not so much anymore, I can see him changing. I used to live with a monster and I somehow managed to endure that, so your brother is child’s play in comparison. The only things about him I get irked about are the flashbacks I get when he broke the window to attempt kidnapping me and when he shot V, but it’s mostly because of the similarities with my past. His voice sometimes triggers the flashbacks. I realize now I have to talk to him as well. Shit. But maybe shedding light about my past might help him in some way, I dunno. I’m hungry, let’s order food.”

He chuckled.

“I love you. You’re always thinking of others first.”

“Not true, right now I’m starving and I’m thinking I need some food.”

“Okay, what do you want to eat?”

“Mmmm, sushi. So you could feed it to me or eat it off me, I don’t care just go order some. All I had to eat today were the pancakes I made when I got up.”

“Ha ha ha, alright alright, I’m going to order some food. Go take a shower.”

I went to take a shower, it was pretty quick since I’d already taken one that day so I giggled at Saeyoung’s pout when he came in and saw I was dressed. I pecked his cheek on my way out of the bathroom. Between the amazing sex and long due confession, I felt pretty good. Saeran was sitting on the couch watching TV and I sat next to him. He turned to face me and was about to say something but I motioned him to stop.

“Saeran, I’m sorry about last night. I was drunk and when I bumped into you I made a mess, I was a complete mess, anyway, I thought you were Saeyoung and I tried to throw myself at you but you were courteous enough to push me away. When I realized it was in fact you, several things went through my mind, the first being the fact that you had grabbed hold of me, just like that time I was drunk in the cabin the first night you spent with us when we were on the run, I had yelled at you not to touch me. Then there was the shattered glass on the floor, like the time you broke the window to kidnap me, and lastly when you brought me water, like that night at the cabin when I went to check on you and offered food and water that you refused at first but then accepted reluctantly, my hand shook when you touched me and you looked creepily amused. We’ve all been through a lot and Saeyoung feels really bad that we’re struggling to move on, but I want you to know that I truly feel nothing against you. He thinks you’ve caused me a lot of pain but I need you to know that’s not the case. We can talk about it in detail some other time, I’m tired from talking with your brother and he’s getting us some food but here’s the short version. My last boyfriend was abusive in both the emotional and physical sense, when I tried to escape he beat me to a pulp, and when he found out I was pregnant he almost beat me to death. A few months after that is when the whole thing with you and the RFA started. It’s been tough for me, I feel like I can’t get a break and have some normalcy but I know that with time, things will get better, we care for you and hope that we can be a happy family.”

Saeyoung had waked into the kitchen about mid rant.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Saeran wondered.

“Because I want you to know that you’re not alone, I’ve been broken and abused too, know what pain and depression feel like, and what it’s like to have wasted part of your life to someone that only wanted to use you. We can survive this together, as a family.” I hugged him tightly and he pat my back. Saeyoung chimed in “Group hug.” and we all hugged.

“Ok, get off me.” Saeran protested.

Saeyoung’s phone rang, it was the delivery guy, he went to get the food and I walked over to the kitchen to get some plates.

Saeran sat at the table, I felt his gaze on me so I turned to look at him.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For always being nice to me even though I feel I don’t deserve it.”

“Saeran, we’ve all made mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. There’s this thing called empathy, where a person tries to understand the other person’s feelings, thoughts, and attitudes. When I think about what you’ve been through, it hurts me and I feel for you, I only wish you the best. You grew up without the warmth of a loving family, I…”

Saeyoung walked in with the food and saw that my eyes were welling up with tears.

“What’s wrong?” they both asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got emotional. I was talking about growing up without the warmth of a loving family and…”

“And.. what?” Saeran asked, slightly annoyed.

“It’s ok, it’s just that I might not be able to have kids.”

Saeyoung put down the take out on the table and rushed to hug me.

‘Let’s not worry about that right now.” Saeyoung whispered.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s just eat.” I told him.

We ate our late dinner in silence but for the first time we felt like a family. A crazy family, no doubt about it, but no family is perfect, yet they’re perfect for me..


	9. Like a family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and Saeran make ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point the story takes place after the Secret Endings. How it evolves happened as I kept writing it, I didn't have anything planned, just knew that MC had to deal with living in the same house as the Choi twins.

Dear diary,

It was his laugh that melted the ice in my heart. I read over some of the pages from when I started writing and there’s something I can’t record on paper, his voice. He made me laugh in the chat as the quirky 707 but I fell in love with his tone, his caring nature, silly jokes, all of him. I couldn’t have been able to go through everything I did if it weren’t for his smile, laugh, loving look, concerned face, and just the sound of his voice is reason enough for me to want to wake up every day. I’ll never forget when he told me that “…no matter what happens, we’ll look at each other, smile, and get through whatever comes.” I hold those words dear, they get me through tough times. His words and touch command my senses to tingle and in his presence I feel basked with warmth.

I can’t say the same for his brother. Hearing his voice has the opposite effect, like a looming shadow sending shivers down my spine. It doesn’t help that his face is either fixed in a scowl or vacant stare. The twins are like night and day, Saeyoung so warm and bright, Saeran, so dark and cold. Ever since I told them my story the tension in the house has subsided. I’ve been going home at reasonable hours and cooking dinner every other day. We all sit at the table to eat and talk about stuff. I’ve been making the effort to get along with Saeran. I’d realized I was treating him like someone else’s pet I don’t like; making sure he was fed, comfortable, and gave him chores so he’d have something to do. I’ve always been nice to him but never caring. I decided to change that and he’s noticed it too.

Last week I planned a menu and bought groceries on my way home, when I got to the house, I put all the stuff away and texted Saeran to meet me in the kitchen.

“Are you okay?” he questioned.

“What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?” I asked him.

“Uh, why do you want to know?”

“Because we’re going to make some.”

“What? How? And why?”

“C’mon, I’ll show you, and because ice cream is delicious. Why not?”

He looked slightly amused. “Green tea.” he uttered.

“Okay, perfect. I’ll tell you what I need and you’ll fetch it.”

“I hope this isn’t a prank.”

“It’s not, I promise, now go, get the measuring cups and spoons, a big bowl, a medium bowl, and the hand mixer.” I ordered.

“Alright.” he grumbled.

I took the big bowl he handed me and went to the sink to fill it halfway with water, I gave it back to him.

“Ok, now add some ice but don’t overfill it, we’re going to put the other bowl on top.” I told him while I went to get rubbing alcohol and salt.

He put the bowl on the counter and watched me add salt and alcohol to the ice water.

“What’s that for?”

“It lowers the freezing point of water, making it colder.” I explained.

“Where’d you learn that?”

“College, it’s a neat trick to make beer get cold a lot faster.”

He chuckled. “Figures.”

“Hey, do you want homemade ice cream or not?”

He sighed and stared at me blankly.

“Go get the heavy cream from the refrigerator.”

He went to get it and I grabbed the sugar and matcha.

“Here.” He placed it on the counter.

“Perfect, now, pour some into the measuring cup until it reaches here.” I pointed to the 2 cups line. He starts to pour it and Saeyoung walked in.

“What are you doing?” Saeyoung asked, making Saeran lose focus and spill cream on the counter.

“Dammit.” Saeran cursed and went to get a rag to wipe it clean.

“We’re making ice cream.” I announced in a grandiose way.

“What? Really? That’s so sweet.”

“Saeran, pour the cream into the medium bowl.” he did so carefully as his brother watched. I measured out the sugar and matcha and left it beside the bowl so he could add them in.

“Do I add these now?” he asked me.

“Yeah, then just put the bowl over the ice water and I’ll mix them together.”

“Okay.” Saeran mumbled. I wiped the hand mixer and placed it in the bowl.

“Saeyoung, wanna watch?” I called. He got closer and the brothers observed intently I turned on the mixer to the highest setting and they watched in amazement how the batter swirled white and green, turning green, and then changing texture, looking fluffier and fluffier.

“Saeyoung, go get the squared container with the green lid that’s next to my thermos.”

“On it.”

“It looks like green clouds.” Saeran commented.

“Yeah, they do, don’t they?” I mused. Saeyoung handed me the container.

“Saeran, get me the spatula.”

“Right.” He offered it with the handle side facing me. I looked at his eyes and gave him a little smile and he looked down, I took the spatula and turned to pour the fluffy green mixture into the container.

“Saeyoung, can you hold the container?”

“Sure.” he held it and once the bowl was empty I took it to the sink.

“Saeran, place the lid on the container, carefully, and put it in the freezer.” I ordered.

“Okay. Is that it?” he asked.

“Yup, that’s it, for now. Fun part is eating it but it’ll take a few hours for it to freeze.” I said cheerfully.

“Where’d you learn to make ice cream? College?”

“Ha ha Saeran. No, I rarely left the house when I worked from home and I wanted ice cream one late night but didn’t want to go out and buy it so I looked for a recipe online that I could make with ingredients I had.”

“Smart and resourceful. You never cease to amaze.” Saeyoung marveled.

“You should see her ice water trick.” Saeran scoffed.

“Alright guys. That’s enough. Let’s order pizza. I’m tired and hungry, don’t really feel like cooking.”

“I can cook.” Saeran suggested.

Saeyoung and I both looked at him conspicuously.

“What? Don’t look at me like that. I know how to cook, I just don’t like it.”

“Mmmm, how about we order the pizza, ‘cause I’m starving and even rice takes 20 minutes to make, you can tell me what dishes you know, and next time I go grocery shopping I’ll take you with me, okay?”

“Okay.” he said solemnly.

Saeyoung was grinning as he dialed the number to the pizza place.

“I’ll finish cleaning up.” Saeran offered.

“Okay, I’ll go shower.” I went to the bedroom and Saeyoung was trailing me.

“Are you going to shower with me?”

“I want to, now that you mentioned it, but that’s not why I followed you.”

“What is it?”

“How did you know that green tea ice cream was his favorite?”

“I didn’t. I told him to help me make ice cream and asked him what his favorite flavor was because that’s the one we were going to make. I’m lucky I had matcha in the cupboard, if he’d said taro or red bean I would’ve had to go to the supermarket again. My original plan was vanilla and we have cocoa powder… but I think this turned out better.”

“When we were little, I’d sneak Saeran to get ice cream to cheer him up when our mother was gone. He was usually tied up and could barely walk.”

“That’s so terrible. Ice cream also cheers me up, I thought it’d be nice for him to try making it. When I was depressed I picked up different hobbies, making sweets was one of them, at least it had a delicious reward.”

“I’m a little jealous you didn’t invite me from the start but I appreciate the effort you made for him.”

“I don’t like therapists either and can understand him to a certain degree. Getting a hobby is a great coping mechanism, it’s pretty much how I managed to survive so long without wanting to kill myself, he just needs to find his own thing. I may not be a psychologist but I’m pretty sure what he needs is a loving family that accepts him as a person and not a monster.”

“You’re so sweet and beautiful, just like candy. I love you for everything you’re doing for us.”

“I never had a little brother, maybe I should adopt him. Ha ha.”

Saeran knocks on the door and yells that the pizza is on the table.

“Okay! We’ll be right there!” I shouted back. “Fuck, I didn’t shower.”

“Want me to bathe you later?”

“Oh myyy, yes God Seven, bathe me in your warmth.”

He chuckled and held my hand to walk me out of the bedroom. When we got to the table Saeran had put out plates and napkins.

“Saeyoung, you should take inspiration from your brother and help out more.”

”I wasn’t always a slob you know…” he pouted.

“Yeah, so I heard from Vanderwood.” I said, lightly punching his shoulder.

“Let’s just sit and eat.” Saeyoung grumbled.

“It’s been nice sitting together to eat like a family. I can’t wait for you to meet my parents and siblings, I really hope it can be before the wedding.”

“Have you told them you’re engaged?” Saeyoung questioned.

“Not yet, it hasn’t been long since they know I have a boyfriend. I want to have at least one visit from them before announcing our engagement..”

“What do they know?” Saeran asked me.

“Oh, um. Not much really. I told them Saeyoung is an engineer, can’t exactly be truthful and I posted some pictures of us together, there’s also the group shot from the engagement party where all of us and the RFA members are in it, so it’s clear my boyfriend has a brother and that I work for the RFA, know Jumin and Zen, other than that, nothing.”

“They know I exist then.”

“Well yeah, you’re part of my life. You’re basically my brother in law.” My creepy brother in law is what I had in mind, but left that out.

“Why don’t we go visit your family?” Saeyoung proposed.

“I could use the vacation, I’m sure if I talk to them they’ll love the idea.”

“What do you think? Want to go on a family trip overseas?” Saeyoung asked his brother.

“What? Me? You’re inviting me?”

“Yeah, family trip means the Choi boys and future Mrs. Choi, no Choi-ce left behind.” I teased.

Saeran chuckled.

“You think that’s funny?” Saeyoung glared at his brother.

“Yeah, I think she’s a little funny.”

“See Saeyoung? At least someone appreciates my humor.”

“That makes one of us.” Saeyoung muttered.

“I’ll talk to my family and plan a date, probably during holidays or something. I’ll schedule my work around that.”

“This is exciting and a bit nerve wracking, we get to go on a real vacation this time but I have to meet your family, what if they don’t like me?”

“Don’t worry, at least they don’t have to live with you.” Saeran uttered.

I guffawed. “Your brother has a point. Anyway, I love my family and all, but their concern should be whether I’m happy or not, once they see how we look together, it’ll be ok.

“I guess. We better start practicing Chinese.” Saeyoung sighed.

“And Cantonese, that’s what the locals mostly speak.”

“Never been outside Korea before.” Saeran mused.

“I’ve never been to Hong Kong.” Saeyoung added.

“That’s ok Saeyoung, me neither.” I concluded. Can’t believe this happened.


	10. Sun and Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy living with a fiancée and his identical twin. The more MC tries to relax around Saeran, the more trusting she gets but now they're a family and they have to get along before the twins meet MC's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adopted the chat format for conversations to allow me to write faster. I wrote down some of the story on a notebook for practice and it made sense to keep doing it like that, keeping in mind all of this is meant to be written in a diary for personal keeping.
> 
> Well this story took a turn to Sin City and stayed there. Even I don't know why there's so much smut, but here's your warning anyway. I honestly didn't expect this outcome when I started writing but it happened. From here on out it gets pornographic, so if you're not interested in that, it's time to jump ship. If you're all about the sin and want to keep reading, then by all means, hop into the Sin Train with me. I assure you, even I questioned myself a few times while typing, I swear my fingers had a mind of their own.
> 
> ATTENTION: This chapter contains mentions of abuse, violence, abortion, and explicit sex. It's also very long compared to the others, sorry about that.

Dear diary,

Haven’t had a chance to write here lately, been busy with the twins. I cut my office hours, only come in when I need to, work, and go back home. It’s been decided that we’re going to visit my family in Hong Kong during the Mid-Autumn festival. We’ve all been brushing up on our Mandarin and Cantonese, even watching kung fu movies at Saeyoung’s behest. I didn’t bother saying anything, it’s been a nice bonding experience overall. Saeran seems to be holding up pretty well, I can feel him warming up, showing genuine enthusiasm for the trip.

The ice cream we made turned out delicious, I’d never seen him happy before. He’s smiled and grinned at times but mostly in jest, this was entirely different, his face lit up when he tried the ice cream and moaned in ecstasy, looking blissfully delighted as he ate it quietly. He’s been so grateful since then. The amount of ice cream we made was roughly half a liter and it was gone in less than 24 hours, the twins ate most of it. We made another batch a few days later, I let Saeran use the mixer that time. He was visibly excited as he churned the cream and gazed in awe as it turned into white fluffy clouds, it was vanilla flavor. I could sort of see his childlike expression from those pictures Rika took of him long ago, it was a really tender moment. Saeyoung was ecstatic to see his brother genuinely happy, he pulled us into a group hug and that ruined the moment for Saeran. Baby steps. After that ice cream vanished I told them we wouldn’t make any more for a while, save it for special occasion or a rainy day. I remember when I started to make ice cream, it became a habit and I gained weight since my lifestyle is pretty much sedentary. The twins have poor diet choices, their only healthy meals are the ones I cook for them. That reminds me, I had promised Saeran I would take him to the supermarket to buy groceries, I explained to him that the only reason why I didn’t let him cook when he offered was because I had already made a weekly meal plan and bought the ingredients for it. I don’t have OCD or anything but once I make plans I’m a bit of a stickler. I was impressed at the list of things he knows how to cook, like rice, bulgogi, jigae, gui, dubujeon, namul, kimchi, guk, omelette, french toast, and other stuff, definitely more than his brother. Perhaps my dream of arriving to the house and finding a home cooked meal I didn’t make isn’t so far off. Saeran knows his way around the kitchen because I’ve tasked him with putting away the groceries enough times that he can find things without me telling him. 

Ever since I started living with them I’ve organized the whole house and Saeran has always been my unwilling assistant, that’s the part where giving him chores so he’d have something to do played out. Offering to make dinner was the first thing he ever contributed to on his own. Rather than leave him in the kitchen to cook by himself, I made rice and he made dubujeon, I only helped in cutting some of the vegetables. Saeyoung’s shocked face when he walked into the kitchen to ask what I was cooking and finding his brother by the stove was hilarious. The food turned out delicious though. We sat at the table to eat.

Me: “This is really good Saeran.”

Saeran: “Thanks.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, never figured you’d be the type to know how to cook.”

Saeran: “There’s a lot of stuff you don’t know about me.” he muttered.

Me: “It’s been fun working with you in the kitchen, I don’t like to cook either, I just do it because we have to eat but having a sous chef makes cooking a lot more fun and less stressful.”

Saeran: “You’re not so bad yourself.”

I’ve noticed his face get softer, no longer wearing a permanent scowl, his range of emotion has been pretty limited until recently. The only times I’ve heard him laugh is when he’s playing LOLOL but it sounds more like the Joker’s laugh from Batman, remnants of his crazed self, triggering flashbacks to our time in Mint Eye when I hear it. Thankfully he only plays in his room and he’s been sensible enough to always keep his door closed. I’m so grateful for the soundproof walls. But other than that, I no longer feel irked by him. I keep telling myself: Baby steps. I really hope that by the time we visit my family, I can feel completely fine around him, my siblings can read me like a book, I want Saeran to feel welcome and not alienated since he’s the less sociable out of the 2. I voiced my concerns to Saeyoung that night after dinner.

Me: “My family knows when something’s wrong just by looking at me, they were so worried when I was dating my ex, knew he was terrible for me, tried to convince me to leave Korea, even though they didn’t know the details about my relationship. I really want this trip to work out.”

Saeyoung: “I understand your concern, but I think it’s gonna be alright. Maybe being outside Korea will provide a new perspective to things since you’ll both be in a different atmosphere. He’s slowly changing, you’ve pulled him from the shadows more than I ever could.”

Me: “Yeah, but that’s because he begrudges you. It’s not the same. You’re brothers, deep down you love each other and you were willing to die for him. I don’t have that excuse, only reason I’ve cared for him is because he’s your twin.”

Saeyoung: “I know, it’s been difficult dealing with my family drama and I love you so much for being caring and understanding with us.”

Me: “I know what it’s like to have trust issues, I really wish I had someone to guide me through the recovery process but I didn’t, if thanks to that horrible experience I can turn it into something useful, then that makes me feel a bit better about my shitty life choices. Like some sort of redemption.”

Saeyoung: “You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit.”

Me: “Sometimes I get tired of being strong.”

Saeyoung: “You have me, you’re not alone, whenever you’re feeling weak, I’ll be there to carry you.”

Me: “I know where else you could carry me.” I pointed at the bed.

Saeyoung: “Oh god, there goes your mind finding its way to the gutter.”

Me: “It’s part of my charm.”

Saeyoung: “Dear Lord help me, I’m marrying a succubus.”

Me: “You’re no prude yourself, just because you have a nun outfit doesn’t mean you’re like a virgin. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re a sadist.”

Saeyoung: “Me? Nawww, I’m as innocent as the lamb of God. Can I get an Amen? Hallelujah, Praise Jesus.”

Me: “Oh stop it, the only praise allowed in this room is to God Seven.”

Saeyoung: “It’s really sexy when you say it like that. But I’m not a sadist, you just make it too easy for me to tease you.”

I sat on his lap and put my arms over his shoulders, whispered in his ear “It’s too easy for me to tease you as well.”

He put his hand up my skirt and started to rub my panties with his thumb.

Saeyoung: “You know what else is easy? Riding you to the stars.”

He made me so wet, so fast. Teasing me over my panties, sliding them to the side to stick his finger between my thighs, feeling his way inside of me, curling his knuckles and inserting a second finger, I tried to move my hips to his rhythm but he stopped me with his legs, I flopped down between his thighs and could feel his hard on pressing against me. I rested my head on his shoulder and whispered that I wanted more of him, he stopped moving his fingers and I gasped to catch my breath. He put his arm around my waist and slid my panties off, turned me around face down on the edge of the bed and sensed him get behind me, I lifted my hips a bit in anticipation, felt his pants falling near my feet and he readied himself to enter me. I moaned his name when he bore into me and he gasped in return. His thrusts were slow and measured at first, I could feel his girth growing wider with every little movement he made. Once he picked up his pace I lowered my hips slightly to clench him in deeper, finding my sweet spot, moaning louder as his thrusts tapped into my pleasure point. “Harder” I moaned loudly, he grabbed my ass, nails digging into the flesh, his hips crushing into me. I sighed his name and he pulled out to reintroduce himself consecutively, only to dig deeper while holding me tighter until I we both spasmed, groaning out cries of ecstasy. When he pulled out, I felt him drag me across the bed, I turned myself around and he settled next to me, one arm over my waist, keeping me close to him.

Saeyoung: “I love you.”

Me: “I know”. I sighed.

He chuckled and I felt so warm and fuzzy inside, I could never get tired of listening to him.

“I love you too.” I whispered, as we drifted off to sleep.

I was starving when I woke up, Saeyoung was still slumbering so I put a blanket over him and went to take a shower. I didn’t have to go to the office that day so I wasn’t in a hurry. I took my time washing my hair and scrubbing my body clean and pranced around the room naked wondering what to wear. Saeyoung stirred in the bed and looked in my direction.

Saeyoung: “Did you sleep well?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve had a nightmare. You?”

Saeyoung: “I had a dream about Saeran, when we were kids he loved to look at the sky, looking for shapes in the clouds, always fascinated by how different they looked each time we went outside. I didn’t really care much for the sky, it wasn’t until I was far away from him that I started to look up at the heavens, wondering if he could be looking up too.”

Me: “I don’t have to go to the office today, why don’t we all go to the park? I’ll bring my camera and lend it to him to take pictures.”

Saeyoung: “Really? You’re so sweet.”

Me: “Speaking of sweet, I’m going to make pancakes, I’m really hungry.”

Saeyoung: “Alright, I’ll see you later in the kitchen.”

Saeran was in the living room watching a kung fu movie, he paused it when he heard me shuffling around the house..

Saeran: “I made coffee. It’s still hot. I think it’s a little strong though.”

Me: “Oh, thanks, that’s okay, I like espresso. Did you already eat? I’m going to make pancakes.”

Saeran: “Want me to help?”

Me: “Umm, sure.”

I told him what things to get and how much I needed of each, I drank my coffee while he mixed the batter and I griddled it. I made the first one in the shape of a heart, then I put the batter in a squeeze tube and made the second one in the shape of a cat head, and the third one like a cloud.

Me: “Heart for me, cat for Saeyoung, and the cloud is for you.”

Saeran: “That’s pretty cool.”

I went to the refrigerator to get some things to decorate the pancakes. I spread mine with strawberry preserves, for Saeyoung’s I drizzled honey, placed blueberries as eyes, half of a strawberry for a nose, drew a mouth and whiskers with chocolate syrup, I topped whipped cream and coconut flakes for Saeran’s.

Saeyoung walked in as I was finishing Saeran’s.

Me: “Guess which one is yours.”

Saeyoung: “You made me a cat pancake? With eyes and whiskers? This is so cute I don’t want to eat it.”

Saeran: “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

We took pictures of our pancakes and each other with our phones. It was fun, then we sat to eat.

Saeyoung: “I wanted whipped cream on mine so it would look like Elly.”

Me: “Maybe next time, sweetie.”

Saeran: “Why is mine a cloud?”

Me: “Oh, I hope you don’t mind, your brother told me about when you were kids you loved to look at the sky.”

Saeran: He sighed before speaking. “No, it’s fine. Is that why you wanted to make ice cream the first time? Did he tell you about getting ice cream when we were kids too?” He sounded annoyed.

Me: “No, that was my own idea, he told me the story after we made the ice cream. He wanted to know how the hell I knew what your favorite flavor was and got jealous that I didn’t invite him first. Making sweets always cheers me up so I thought it would be good to share the love and calories with the people I care about.”

They both chuckled. It was surreal seeing them share a laugh.

Saeran: “You care about me?”

Me: “Well, yeah… as much as I would care for a pet.” I stuck my tongue out at the end of my sentence to tease him.

Saeyoung burst out laughing and Saeran pouted.

Me: “I made plans for us today, I hope you’re interested.”

Saeran: “What?”

Me: “I want us all to go to the park, I’ll take my camera and you can borrow it to take pictures. What do you think?”

Saeran: “Beats being cooped up in here.”

Saeyoung: “Woohoo, family picnic.”

Me: “Picnic sounds nice, you can pack snacks and sandwiches Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung: “Defender of Justice on the job, no crumb will be left behind.”

Me: “You can start by doing the dishes since your brother and I made breakfast.”

Saeyoung: “Really? He helped make the pancakes?”

Saeran: “Don’t look so surprised, I’m no stranger to the kitchen.”

Me: “He made coffee too.”

Saeyoung: “Fine, I’ll make myself useful.”

Me: “You know how to make yourself useful in more ways than one.”

Saeyoung chortled and his brother made a disgusted face, shaking his head in disapproval.

Saeran: “That’s my cue to leave.”

I giggled and then told him I was sorry, when he got to his door I shouted we’d leave in an hour. He nodded and locked himself in his room.

Me: “That went well.” I muttered.

Saeyoung: “You’ve never flirted with me in front of my brother before.”

Me: “I wouldn’t call that flirting but I guess you’re right. Have I always been uptight with you when he’s around?”

Saeyoung: “Do I need to remind you the vodka bottle you had in your underwear drawer?”

Me: “Fuck…”

Saeyoung: “It’s nice that you feel comfortable enough to say shit like that in front of him but now it’s funny that you’re making him uncomfortable.”

Me: “Mmmm, I guess.”

Saeyoung: “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been spending less time at the office and don’t use the vacation as an excuse.”

Me: “The vacation is a good excuse though, I really want us to bond like a family, that’s why I’ve been spending more time with you guys.”

Saeyoung: “I feel like you’re doing so much for us, I don’t know how to make it up to you.”

Me: “Oh I think you know how to make it up to me.” I winked.

Saeyoung: He sighed. “My future wife, the debaucher. I may have been baptized as Luciel but I think I live with Lucifer. What am I going to do with you?”

Me: “Love me forever.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, forevermore.”

I went to the bedroom to change clothes while he did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. I put some jeans on and a jacket, when I walked out the twins were talking. I made it to the living room and they both stared.

Me: “What is it?”

Saeran: “Didn’t think you owned a pair of jeans.”

Saeyoung: “He has a point, only pants I’ve ever seen you in are pajamas.”

Me: “Don’t be ridiculous, of course I have pants.”

They both chuckled. I thought they were being idiots. But it got me wondering about my wardrobe choices.

Saeyoung: “Is that why you’re so loose? To match your flowy clothes?”

Me: “Watch it mister.”

Saeran stifled a laugh.

Me: “Ha ha, real fucking hilarious. Now, are you guys ready?”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, I think I got everything.”

Me: “I swear to God, if all I find in that bag are Honey Buddha Chips and Phd Pepper I’m going to choke you.”

Saeyoung: “Will you spank me too?”

Me: “Jesus fucking Christ, I wasn’t trying to be kinky.”

Saeran: “Calm down, I checked the bag before you came in.”

Me: “I need a drink. We should pick up soju on our way to the park.”

Saeyoung: “That sounds like an awful idea.”

Saeran: “I kind of like it.”

Saeyoung: “Don’t encourage her.”

Saeran: “She’s an adult and I thought I’d die before becoming one. We’re drinking, if you don’t want to, you can be the designated driver.”

Saeyoung: “Fine.”

When he turned around I mouthed the words Thank you to Saeran and went to get my camera bag. We walked together in silence to the garage and got in one of the cars, Saeyoung drove us to the nearest convenience store and I got 2 bottles of soju. When we finally made it to the park, it was early afternoon. We walked towards an open area perfect for cloud watching, there were some large trees around that we could use as shade and I quickly set up the blanket, they each sat beside me. I handed Saeran a bottle of soju and opened the other one.

Me: “Cheers!”

Saeran: “Cheers!”

Me: “You might wanna take it slow, this has more alcohol than beer.”

Saeran: “Thanks for caring.”

Me: “Sharing is caring.”

Saeran: “My brother doesn’t approve of your drinking because it probably reminds him of our mother.”

Saeyoung: “She’s nothing like her.”

Saeran: “True, our mother was a sorry excuse for a human being.”

Me: “I know she was an alcoholic, I’m sorry if it reminds you of your past.”

Saeyoung: “We’ve all had dark pasts that haunt us, but don’t ever compare yourself to that woman, she may have given birth to us but she was no mother. At least your drinking problem is manageable.”

Saeran: “Don’t feel bad, she didn’t know the difference between us either when she was really drunk.”

Me: “Ok, that was low. I’m really ashamed about that.”

Saeran: “She grabbed my ass.”

Saeyoung: “I know, and kissed you too, she told me.”

Me: “Stop it. You’re both being asses, making me the butt of your jokes.”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t do anything.”

Me: “Don’t feign ignorance, did you forget the Naruto prank?”

They both laughed.

Me: “Yeah, fucking hilarious. You’re both idiots.”

I laid back on the blanket to look at the sky.

Saeyoung: “You okay?”

Me: “If that’s code for Are you drunk? I’m not a lightweight like Yoosung.”

Saeyoung: “That’s not what I meant.”

Saeran: “He wants to know if you’re mad for teasing you.”

Me: “Not really, I’m more angry at myself.”

Saeran: “For what? You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Me: “I suppose there’s nothing wrong in being shameless.”

They laughed, Saeyoung shook his head in disapproval. I got up to finish my soju and Saeran threw himself back.

Me: “You know, they say that men are attracted to people that resemble their mother.”

Saeran: “If you’d met our mother you wouldn’t say that.”

Saeyoung turned to face me with pained eyes and hugged me.

Saeran: “She was an alcoholic floozy that hated her children, wouldn’t feed us, take us to school, she’d keep us locked up in the house so nobody would know we existed. She hated the sound of our voices, if I cried she’d beat me, strangle me, anything to silence me.”

Saeyoung: “You’re not like her, you’re so loving and think about others, our mother was an incredibly selfish woman.”

Saeran: “You know, the walls are soundproofed but the door isn’t.”

Me: “Fuck.”

Saeran: “Yeah, I put my headphones on when you’re fucking.”

Me: “I really didn’t want to know that.”

Saeyoung: “She was already self-conscious knowing you were in the same house she’d started drinking more frequently to have sex.”

Saeran: “I truly have no interest in your sex life.”

Saeyoung: “Valid point, it’s not like I enjoy this conversation, but I don’t want her getting drunk to let go of her inhibitions when she was doing so well recently.”

Saeran: “I see, so you stopped fucking her so she’d stop drinking and that’s when she started spending more time at the office? Are you sure she wasn’t just cheating on you or hitting up a bar?”

Saeyoung got pissed and was about to punch his brother but I got in the way and got hit instead. Saeran got up and both of them tried to check my face.

Saeran: “Why the fuck did you do that?”

Saeyoung: “I’m so sorry.”

Me: “You’re both idiots. Saeran you’re drunk, shut up. Saeyoung, your brother is entitled to his opinion, we both know the truth. Now how do we fix this?”

Saeyoung: “I don’t know, are you ok? I hit you pretty hard.”

Me: “I’ll be fine, I’ve been hit harder. I’m tougher than I look. Just give me ice to stop the swelling.”

He got a bag with some ice in it and pressed it to my face, I winced and held the bag there.

Saeran: “Why would you even take a punch for me?”

Me: “Your brother took a bullet for you and almost died trying to save your crazy ass, this is nothing. I don’t want you 2 fighting over stupid shit.”

Saeyoung: “She just wants us to get along.”

Me: “I’m glad I’ve made my point. Saeran, I would never cheat on your brother, I truly love him and would do anything for him. And hitting a bar after work sounds great but I can’t do that without him finding out, he always knows where I am and it would hurt me to betray his trust.”

Saeran: “He have a GPS on you or something? That sounds a little creepy.”

Me: “Let’s not talk about creepy, need I remind you how we met? What you did? Even after all the drugs were out of your system it took you a while for you to resemble a normal person and I did everything I could to help.”

Saeyoung looked at his brother.

Saeran: “People lie and cheat, that’s what I grew up with. I apologize. My first instinct is not to trust people and push them away. You’ve been nothing but nice to me after everything I did, but you don’t deserve to be punched in my place, I was out of line.”

Me: “You’re twins, when you hurt, he hurts, I want both of you happy.”

Saeyoung: “Shit, I promised I’d never hurt you and you do this….”

Saeran: “Guess that’s another promise you won’t be able to keep.”

Me: “Shut up or I’ll punch you myself.”

Saeran: “Fine. Are you really ok though?”

Me: “I’ll be fine. I’ll treat it at home to minimize the bruising.”

Saeyoung: “Why didn’t you just let me punch him?”

Me: “Because you love him. Don’t you think he’s suffered enough? He spoke out of spite, it’s stupid to get angry over empty words.”

Saeran: “You’re really something…”

Me: “Yeah, so I keep hearing. Hand me a sandwich, I’m hungry.”

Saeyoung: “Are we just going to pretend this didn’t happen?”

Me: “No, but it won’t change the fact that I’m hungry.”

We ate in silence, staring at the sky, watching the clouds pass by. It was hard to chew, I tried my best not to make any noise while I was eating, but the right side of my face was in pain. When I was done, I took out my camera and handed it to Saeran. I explained briefly the buttons and settings he could use and told him if he had any questions to come back and ask me. He left to take pictures and I placed my head on Saeyoung’s lap to rest. He played with my hair and would look down often.

Me: “I’m fine.”

Saeyoung: “Your face says otherwise, the right side is swollen.”

Me: “It’s fine, trust me, I’ve been worse.”

Saeyoung: “When you said that you’ve been hit harder, I really can’t imagine how horrible it must’ve been.” His voice cracked at the end.

Me: “It seems like a nightmare from long ago.”

Saeyoung: “How can somebody say they love you but hurt you.”

Me: “You tell me, you love your brother but were going to hit him.”

Saeyoung: “He insulted you and it made me angry.”

Me: “He expressed his opinion and you got angry. Do you see the distinction? That’s how my ex would react, I would express my opinion and if he didn’t like it, he’d hit me. Anger can lead to violence, it’s irrational.”

Saeyoung: “I’m so sorry.”

Me: “Feeling sorry is the appropriate reaction and I know you’re sincere, I see it in your eyes.”

Saeyoung: “I always end up hurting the people I love.”

Me: “A person that knows pain can appreciate happiness the most.”

Saeyoung: “That sounds like something Confucius would say.”

Me: “Just looking into your eyes puts a smile on my heart.”

Saeyoung: “You’re so precious to me.”

He leaned down to kiss me softly and left a tear on my cheek.

Me: “I love you.”

Saeyoung: “I love you too. Even when I think you’re a little crazy.”

Me: “We’re all mad here, love. Just enjoy the tea party.”

He chuckled and looked away, probably searching for his brother with his eyes. Saeran eventually showed up.

Saeyoung: “Did you take a lot of pictures?”

Saeran: “Yeah, memory card is full. Is she okay?”

Me: “She is fine, so fine it blows your mind.”

They both chuckle and say “She’s fine” in unison and then laugh together.

Me: “Let’s go home.”

Saeran helped me get up and Saeyoung put everything in the bag and we left. The car ride was silent. When we got to the house I sat on the sofa.

Me: “Let’s finish watching the kung fu movies.”

Saeyoung: “Are you sure?

Me: “Yeah. Bring me an ice pack and pain medicine, Saeran go get the Arnica gel and Vitamin K ointment.”

They left without another word. The silence was nice. I was tired of listening to them, bickering over stupid shit. So what if I was a bit embarrassed about having sex with my fiancée knowing his creepy brother is in the house? Isn’t that normal? And he’s heard us fucking, that was great, just great. I guess if he wanted to watch he could’ve put a hidden camera if he wanted to. Or maybe he already did. I didn’t care anymore. I wasn’t going to stop having sex just because he lived there, if he doesn’t care, why should I? At least he said he puts on his headphones and clearly has no interest in his brother’s sex life. That fact calmed me down. Baby steps. I could do this. I didn’t need a drink, couldn’t drink if I wanted to, had to take pain medicine for my throbbing headache. I was glad when the twins got back, I let them fuss over me. I took the pills, told Saeyoung how to apply the gel and ointment, and I put on the ice pack.

Me: “I’ll be good as new, soon enough, once the ice melts just make me another one. Stop looking at me like that, I’m fine, I’ve been worse.”

Saeran: “Picturing you worse is pretty scary.”

Me: “You’re no stranger to abuse, you know I’ll be fine.”

They both winced.

Me: “Let’s just watch the movie. Stop worrying about me.”

They nodded. Saeran played the movie, they each sat at my side, I leaned towards Saeyoung and we watched the movies, eventually falling asleep.

When I woke up I had a blanket over my legs and Saeran’s head was on my abdomen. I looked up to see Saeyoung holding a mug.

Me: “You made me coffee?”

Saeyoung: “I can’t vouch for the taste since I don’t like coffee but I’ve seen you make it enough times, I think I got it right.”

Me: “You’ll make a fine husband.”

He chuckled and handed me the mug. I was careful not to spill any on Saeran. I wasn’t sure if I should wake him or not and his brother seemed clueless as well so I left him there, he looked peaceful enough and his weight didn’t bother me. I was about halfway finished with my coffee when he finally woke up. His eyes opened closely, gaging where he was.

Me: “Good morning.”

He was startled to see my face so close to his and immediately got off me, I think he blushed a bit.

Saeran: “I’m sorry, I must’ve dozed off and fell on you by accident.”

Me: “It’s fine. You looked so peaceful we didn’t want to wake you. We all fell asleep on the sofa.”

Saeyoung brought me an ice pack and I held it to my face, wincing a bit.

Saeran: “How’s your face?”

Me: “Haven’t looked in the mirror yet but I’ll work from home today.”

Saeran: “Does it hurt?”

Me: “A bit.”

Saeran: “You must be really dumb or lighthearted.”

Me: “I’ve heard that one before too. God, you really are twins.”

Saeyoung: “She’s mostly stubborn.” he chuckled.

Me: “Now that you’re up I’m going to get ready for the day, I have some calls to make.”

Saeran: “I’m really sorry.”

Me: “It’s fine, we all talked, it’s all out in the open, forgive and forget. You can make it up to me by showing me the pictures you took later, ok?”

Saeran: “Fine.”

I went to the bedroom and Saeyoung tailed me.

Saeyoung: “Are you really ok?”

Me: “As well as I can be. I’m going to brush my teeth and shower, can you bring me the pain medicine, gel, and ointment?”

He looked at me with pained eyes again and left. Those sad golden eyes etched themselves in my mind, I shook my head to clear the image but the mind doesn’t work that way. I did as I’d said and when I was out of the bathroom Saeyoung was waiting for me on the bed. He applied the gel and ointment, gave me the pill with water, and I asked him to hold the ice pack for me while I got dressed. I could feel his anguish, it changed the ambiance in the room. Once I was dressed I sat on the bed next to him and smiled, it hurt but I didn’t care. I took the ice pack and held it to the right side of my face.

Saeyoung: “The swelling is gone.”

Me: “Everything is going to be fine.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t feel fine.”

Me: “Want me to punch you to make it even?”

Saeyoung: “Maybe.”

Me: “Careful what you wish for, I pack a mean punch.”

He chortled.

Me: “Remember these words? ‘..no matter what happens, we’ll look at each other, smile, and get through whatever comes’”

Saeyoung: “Of course.”

Me: “Those are the words I live by, now show me that smile and we’ll get through this, together. You’re my light, but you’re being eclipsed, luckily eclipses don’t last very long.”

Saeyoung: “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

He smiled at me and I felt his warmth, I lightly kissed his nose and rose to go get something to eat. I didn’t want anything solid so I ended up eating yogurt with strawberry preserves. I borrowed one of the computers since mine was at the office, I’d picked up the habit of saving all my stuff on Saeyoung’s private server so I could access it from my phone or the house. I called Jaehee to let her know I wouldn’t be going to the office, told her it was a bad hangover, I probably should’ve said sick instead because it’s not a secret I have a “drinking problem” so she scolded me a bit but I assured her I’d be fine and was being well cared for. I sat on the table to work, about an hour later Saeran asked me what I was working on. He was sitting across from me drinking tea.

Me: “You’re not wearing your contacts.”

Saeran: “How do you know I’m Saeran?”

Me: “Don’t be stupid, I might be preoccupied with work but I can clearly hear you and your brother doesn’t drink tea.”

Saeran: “Good point, I wasn’t trying to test you, just tease you. I slept with them on so I’m giving my eyes a break. Now answer my question.”

Me: “I’m multitasking, checking/answering emails, doing research, proofreading documents, and checking my social media.”

Saeran: “That last one sounded real important.”

Me: “It keeps me busy while I wait on different things, I don’t usually stick to the same task for long periods of time.”

Saeran: “You’d make a terrible hacker.”

Me: “Probably.”

Saeran: “Is this what you normally do at the office?”

Me: “Pretty much.”

Saeran: “Why not just do it from home?”

Me: “It’s nice to have a separate area for work without interruptions.”

Saeran: “Ah, gotcha.”

Me: “I couldn’t concentrate on work when I moved here, being too close to Saeyoung was distracting and being in the same house with you was uncomfortable.”

Saeran: “What changed?”

Me: “Time passing by, moving on, acceptance.”

Saeran: “Sounds vague.”

I looked up at him and creased my forehead, thinking, V as in Vague… I snapped. I took a deep breath and spoke forcefully.

“Don’t give me that shit. A lot happened in a short amount of time and it’s been hard to pull myself back together. Just a few months before I met you I was being kicked to death, lost a child, and my sanity. Fast forward to you leading me to the RFA, which I thought was a front for a mafia since everything was classified information with powerful people involved and shady as fuck, I get inducted with no choice whatsoever to organize a charity party and to stay at a stranger’s apartment that had committed suicide, I thought fuck my life, this is a money laundering scheme and if I don’t do it I might get killed, so much for wanting excitement in my life, here’s a fuckton. Days later you show up at the apartment, Mr. Crazy with the bleached hair and fucking ninja mask breaking the window, ready to kidnap me and blow up a fucking bomb, in comes my knight in orange armor, that I had grown to like in the chat and phone, you 2 face off, you’re forced to retreat, I’m left with a broken man wanting answers because the hacker he was dealing with was none other than his long lost twin brother. What the fuck was happening? I didn’t know.

He stayed at the apartment to make sure I was safe because there was a fucking bomb in the same room I had slept in. I had developed feelings for him but he stomped my heart, pushed me away, he was a secret agent on the run, my life would be in danger by his side. He was in a dark place and I showed him a little bit of light and he stopped pushing me away. He was so worried about you, I promised him I would help him save your crazy ass, even though you had tried to kidnap and possibly torture me. When he showed me your pictures, the ones Rika took, I cried. He told me about your mom. You were both broken little boys, manipulated, each taking a different path to darkness. I couldn’t imagine a mother being so horrible, I was going to be a mother and that chance was taken from me, your mother was given 2 beautiful souls and she soiled them, I felt an overwhelming need to protect the both of you. Eventually we found you, at a cult, you’d been tortured and brainwashed, filled with hatred, desire for killing your brother quite strong, I feared you, I probably peed my panties a little, I don’t remember. And then you trapped us in the room while you ran off confused and your brother was even more confused, eventually we got out, you were kidnapped by the agency, we had to track you and be on the run for several days until we found you, I was living the spy movie, doing my own stunts. And you, ready to double cross your brother ‘cause you wanted him dead, but he convinced Vanderwood to take his side and save you, again, he got shot dragging your unconscious body to the car that I had to drive to get the fuck out of there. Any of this ringing a bell? You managed to contact Mint Eye and Mr. V for Vague showed up to take us all to fucking paradise and we all had to board the crazy train back to Magenta where Rika was the mastermind of it all and her death was a cover up by the man that loved her but couldn’t save her from herself. I was in a dungeon for fuck’s sake, horror movie quality dungeon!

But uber crazy bitch Rika wanted your brother and you refused to accept that and they were going to brainwash you again but your bleeding to death twin stood in their way because he wasn’t willing to let them take you again and he pointed a gun with his wounded arm to keep them off you and when he fainted you went on a crazy fit, took the gun, blamed V for everything and shot him in the fucking head. I watched in horror, my boyfriend was unconscious, possibly dying, V was dying, uttering his last words to the love of his life, and I was tied up, unable to move or do anything until Jumin’s bodyguards showed up and we’re all taken to the hospital, the love of my life recovering from his wound, you recovering from your psychotic break, and me left to pick up the pieces of my life, vowing to help your brother save you because I love him and his happiness is my happiness while every week I’d get nightmares and flashbacks of your choke hold, psychotic laugh, screams, glares, and seeing you kill a man right in front of me. Eventually you get better and I move in, you’d gone back to your natural hair and ditched the leather jacket, you looked better, I felt less nervous around you but it was hard to adapt, living with an ex secret agent and an ex psychotic cultist, both emotionally broken men with trust issues proficient at hacking that could track me anywhere. Everyday telling myself that things will get better, time and love heals, no matter what happens, smile. Is that specific enough? Or do you want the detailed version?”

Saeran look stunned as he processed what I said and Saeyoung was standing in the hallway, I groaned when I saw him, I covered my face with my hands and started to cry.

I heard Saeyoung whispering in my ear to calm down, that everything’s alright, we’re together, we can get through this, when he tried to hold me in his arms I flinched when my face brushed his shoulder and I cried harder but then tried to hold it in because my face hurt. I took a deep breath, gathered my strength, and controlled the crying, until only sobs came out.

Me: “Saeran, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. We’ve all felt our share of pain and suffering but sadness is the key to happiness, without feeling pain, we never learn to appreciate joy. We have to learn to appreciate the little moments that make us smile.”

2 mops of red hair and golden eyes stared at me wide eyed.

Me: “The both of you need to stop blaming yourselves for what happened. You were starving children, ignorant, naive, unloved, used as puppets for the purpose of other people and once those strings were cut, you were left to learn to move on your own, carrying scars made by the people that had your lives in their hands, with nothing left to do but carry on.”

2 mops of red hair and golden eyes stared at me with tears in their eyes.

Saeran: “How can you be so strong?”

Me: “Because I’m not alone anymore. We’re a family. Saeyoung so bright and warm, Saeran so dark and cold, Sun and Moon, lighting my sky, pacifying the pain inside.”

I stood up from the chair and kissed Saeyoung’s cheek, walked over to Saeran and kissed his forehead, and walked to the kitchen to get water.

Saeyoung: “Hello? Are you okay? You had me really worried.”

I nodded and drank my water slowly.

Saeran: “I’m confused.”

Saeyoung: “That makes 2 of us.”

Saeran: “When did you start listening in?” he looked at his brother.

Saeyoung: “Pretty much the beginning, she left the door open and when I heard her shouting I walked out to the hallway.”

Saeran: “Why are you so calm about this?”

Saeyoung: “I’m not.”

Me: “Just ask me anything, it’s obvious I’m not gonna get any work done with you 2 roaming around me.” I walked back to the table and sat down.

Saeran: “I’m not sure I want to ask anything else. You apologized to me for treating you like I did back then.”

Me: “It was my decision to be led by you and everything else you did were the consequences of something you didn’t have control of.”

Saeran: “That’s being rational about it, but there’s more to it than that.”

Me: “Feelings are irrational and I don’t handle anxiety well, the fear still lingers and can be triggered but it’s not as bad as before.”

Saeran: “Do I still scare you?”

Me: “…not the current version of yourself, just the memory.”

Saeran: “I scare myself too sometimes, my mother used to call me a monster and I let myself turn into one.”

Saeyoung: “You’re not a monster, our mother was.”

Saeran: “I’m sorry for poking fun at your drinking. I wouldn’t have wanted to be close to myself either.”

Me: “It’s ok, like I said, it’s been hard. So much in so little time and I’ll never be able to understand what you’ve lived through. I’ve tried to be understanding and help with whatever I can, but you make it difficult when you act like an ass.”

Saeran: “Duly noted.”

Me: “Saeyoung?”

Saeyoung: “What is it?”

Me: “Do you have any questions?”

Saeyoung: “Do you love him?” he points at his brother.

Me: “What?”

Saeran chokes on his own saliva.

Saeyoung: “Sun and Moon, lighting my sky, pacifying the pain inside.”

Me: “It means we all pull ourselves together, like gravity, keeping each other from drifting towards the void of space. Maybe I should come up with a better analogy.”

Saeran: “Jealousy doesn’t suit you brother.” he glared at his twin.

Saeyoung: “Shut up.”

Me: “Alright that’s enough, leave me alone, I have to finish work. Order sushi and sake for lunch and before you say anything about the alcohol, it will help dull the pain better than the pills.” I pointed at the right side of my face and they grimaced. My jaw bone had a greenish yellow tone to it but you couldn’t really tell from afar, I knew it was going to be fine the next day. They each went to their rooms and I got back on the computer to work. When noon rolled around I got up to stretch and went to the bedroom.

Me: “Hey, did you order lunch?”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, it should be here soon.”

Me: “Remember the first time you bought me sushi?”

Saeyoung: “Of course, you didn’t want to eat it alone and there was only one pair of chopsticks so I fed the both of us.”

Me: “If there’s one thing I’m thankful for your brother, is getting the chance to meet you. I love you so much.” I hugged him tightly and he held me closely and whispered in my ear that he loved me too.

Saeyoung: “Do you want me to feed you?”

Me: “That sounds nice.”

Saeyoung: “Saeran might get jealous.”

Me: “I don’t care.”

Saeyoung: “Oh hoo, maybe I should feed you both, I doubt he’ll let me though, but it’d be fun to try.”

Me: “I’d love to see that.”

He smiled and lightly kissed my nose. His golden eyes shining bright, melting my heart as I smiled back.

Saeyoung: “Do you need another ice pack?”

Me: “I think I’m fine, you can rub some gel if you want.”

Saeyoung: “Is that supposed to be an allusion or not?”

I laughed and kissed him.

Me: “I know I have a dirty mind but I assure you that this time I didn’t mean anything else. I really was referring to the arnica.”

He chortled and placed his hand on the left side of my face.

Saeyoung: “You’re really beautiful, funny, devoted, passionate, kind, and honest. Why do you love me?”

Me: “Because no one else makes me smile like you do. You’re my happiness.”

He kissed me and I mussed his hair.

Saeyoung: “Lunch should be here soon.”

Me: “Good, I’m starving.”

We went to the living room holding hands, Saeyoung went outside and I cleared the table. Saeran walked in and saw me putting away the computer.

Me: “Your brother’s getting lunch.”

Saeran: “You done with work?”

Me: “Not really, but I’ll finish it tomorrow at the office.”

Saeran: “I’m really sorry about earlier.”

Me: “So am I, I never said anything before because I wanted you to feel welcome and knew that you needed a lot of time to recover and bond with your brother.”

Saeran: “I’m not worthy of your pity.”

Me: “It’s my decision who I feel compassion for or not.”

Saeyoung walked in with the food and set it on the table and I start pulling out the food out of the bags and sit. I found the sake and served myself.

Me: “Do you guys want any?”

Saeyoung: “Sure.”

Saeran: “Me too.”

Me: “Really? Ok. Drink it slow.”

Saeran was staring at his brother, I guess neither of us expected him to say he wanted to drink and I was giggling at their reactions. Saeyoung was holding a piece of sushi and he offered it to me, I leaned closer to him to eat it, he took another piece and I watched as he offered it to Saeran.

Saeran: “We’re not kids anymore, stupid.”

Saeyoung: “Just eat it.”

Me: “Aww, c’mon eat it.” I begged.

Saeran: “Fine.”

He actually ate it, it was the cutest thing, too bad I didn’t take a picture.

Me: “Awwww, that was so cuuute. Want more sake?”

Saeran: “Sure.”

His cheeks were a bit flushed, Saeyoung looked amused, and I was smiling.

Me: “Guys, that’s not tea, drink it slow.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t think I’ve ever had this before.”

Me: “First time for everything.”

Saeran: “This is my first too.”

Me: “Awww, you’re both so cute.”

They stared at me not sure what to say.

Me: “I was going to say something about virginity but I really couldn’t finish that thought anyway.”

Saeyoung: “God, you’re impossible, here, finish your sushi.”

Saeran: “Is there anything you haven’t tried?”

Me: “Oh my, so forward. A lady never reveals her secrets.”

Saeran: “I didn’t mean it that way.”

Me: “I think you did.” I teased.

Saeran: “Whatever.”

Me: “There are too many types, I haven’t tried them all.”

Saeyoung: “Finish your food, please.”

Me: “Yes, daddy.”

Saeran choked and stifled a laugh. Saeyoung was half angry half amused.

Me: “Don’t be so uptight babe, I was talking about alcohol, I think.”

Saeyoung: “Of which you won’t be having any more.”

Me: “Both of you should drink the rest of it, there’s not much left for me but enough for you to catch up. Drink up buttercups. I dare you.”

Saeyoung: “A dare huh? What prize do we get in return?”

Me: “I dunno, I just wanna see you tipsy. How about I feed you?”

Saeyoung: “Alright.”

He served the last of the sake between him and his brother and they both drank it in gulps.

Me: “Drinking like men, wooo!”

I grabbed a piece of sushi with my mouth and offered it to Saeyoung. He started to chuckle and leaned in to bite it off my lips and kiss me. I took another piece of sushi with my hand and offered it to Saeran.

Me: “Open wiiiiide.” I taunted with a grin.

He opened his mouth and I dropped it on his tongue with my fingers.

Me: “Good boy.” I giggled.

Saeran: “You’re funny.”

Me: “Babe, you want another mouthful?”

Saeyoung: “God, you’re so bad.”

Me: “I’m not bad, I’m sinfully sweet, like candy, if you finish your lunch I’ll let you have me for dessert.” I took another piece with my mouth and waited for him to grab it, once he was close enough to eat it, Saeran got up.

Me: “Jealousy doesn’t suit you.”

Saeran: “I’m not jealous, just lost my appetite.”

Me: “Oh? I bet that’s not the case.”

Saeran: “Don’t care what you think.”

Me: “Then let’s play a game. If you’re not jealous, stay, if you are, leave, if you choose to stay, I’ll feed you with my mouth.”

Saeyoung: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Playing a game. You gonna watch or play along?”

They were both wide eyed and speechless, unsure of their next move. I put a piece of sushi in my mouth, bit the edge so about ¾ of it was sticking out, Saeran turned around but did a 360 and leaned in to grab the sushi with his lips, he bit it off, kissed me, and stepped back.

Me: “Who’s hungry for more?”

Saeyoung: “You’re playing a dangerous game. Are you sure about this?”

Me: “I’m no stranger to danger, besides, I’ve already told you, if you’re gonna be a sinner, be the best sinner around.”

Saeran was looking at me with lust in his golden eyes.

Saeyoung: “You might be underestimating your opponents.”

Me: “Didn’t you call me Lucifer yourself? I might not be a hacker like Luciel but I can take care of those ticking time bombs in your pants.”

Saeran chuckled and stepped forward again, leaned down to whisper in my ear “Be careful what you wish for, I won’t be gentle.” He picked up a piece of sushi with his mouth and shoved it into mine while his hands slipped inside his pants and pulled out his erect cock. I looked at it curiously as I chewed and swallowed, I had wanted to know if it was the same as his brother’s, I think I smiled.

Saeran: “Happy to see me?”

Me: “I just… umm, I was curious since you’re twins if your dicks would look the same.”

They burst out laughing.

Saeyoung: “It’s that kind of curiosity that’s going to get you hurt.”

Me: “Oh come on, you’ve never been curious about it too?”

Saeyoung: “Maybe.” he said with a sheepish grin.

Saeran: “I think I know where to put my cum on.” he traced my cheek with his fingertips and I shuddered at his touch. I placed my fingers over his and stood up, holding Saeran’s hand I walked towards Saeyoung and offered him to come with me.”

Me: “Let’s take this treat somewhere else.”

Saeyoung: “Right, no fucking over hard surfaces again.” he chortled and took my hand, I lead them to Saeran’s room.

Saeran: “I’m not even gonna ask what you’re talking about.”

Me: “A lady never reveals her secrets.”

Saeran: “I’m starting to think you’re not a lady.”

Saeyoung: “She’s something else alright…”

Me: “I believe succubus is the word you used to describe me.” I let go of them at the foot of the bed and took my top off, I wasn’t wearing a bra so they both stared at my exposed breasts and then at each other.

Saeran: “This is weird.”

Saeyoung: “Have to agree with you on this one.”

Me: “Fine, let’s play a game then. For every article of clothing I take off I’ll turn around and you can each take a step forward, whoever touches me first picks the hole.”

Saeyoung: “No more games. Get on the bed.”

His face looked serious his voice a bit grave, I didn’t say anything and sat on the edge of the bed. He got on his knees and yanked off my remaining clothes. He spread my legs open and put his face between my thighs and started to kiss them, slowly moving upwards, I played with his hair and Saeran came closer, he sat next to me. I lightly stroked the length of his hard on and he shuddered then it was my turn to shudder when Saeyoung started licking my clit, I clutched Saeran’s cock and started to pull it gently at first, rubbing my thumb over the tip to spread the pre-cum and continue stroking him, up and down, clenching my hand and then loosening the grip while Saeyoung licked my folds and started to add fingers inside me, I moaned his name when he curled his knuckles and tapped into my sweet spot, he fingered me harder and I stroked Saeran faster, just when I was going to climax, Saeran got up and shoved his dick in my mouth to cum, I swallowed while I enjoyed my orgasm, he thrust a few times, nearly gagging me and pulled out.

Saeyoung: “Lie down, your head facing me.”

I lifted my legs off the floor and turned them around towards the headboard so my head would be facing them. Saeyoung took off his clothes and climbed over me, setting himself between my legs, bending them at the knees and pressing his waist to my thighs, as soon as he finished positioning himself he grabbed my waist and rubbed the tip of his hard cock against my wet slit, I lifted my hips to try to get closer.

Saeyoung: “Do you want it?”

Me: “Uh huh.”

Saeyoung: “Mmmm, then beg for it.”

Me: “I want your cock inside of me. Just put it in, please.”

They both drove themselves in, Saeran thrusting in my mouth and Saeyoung pushing my insides, I had to hold on to Saeran’s cock so he wouldn’t choke me, I let my head hang a bit off the edge of the bed to suck him in a relatively more comfortable position. Saeyoung was pounding pretty hard but it wasn’t painful, I’d never seen him so aggressive before. It was getting hard for me to swallow so I held Saeran’s dick with both hands and sucked his tip, pulling it out of my mouth several times to lick and suck it, that made him moan and he grabbed my hair to push himself deeper, I winced when I felt him at my throat and at that moment Saeyoung lifted my legs and was slamming into my sweet spot, I moaned, sending vibrations to Saeran’s cock.

Saeran: “Fuck, that feels really good. Do it again.”

I moaned again, nearing climax, Saeran cummed in my mouth, Saeyoung pulled out to go in again a few times and blew his load inside me, I orgasmed on his last twitch. When they pulled out I panted heavily.

Saeyoung: “Are you ok?”

Me: “Yeah, just needed to catch my breath. Help me up.”

He put his arm below my back and lifted me, I turned around and propped myself against the headboard, sitting next to Saeyoung.

Saeran sat on the edge of the bed and scooted himself upward to lay his head on my thighs.

Saeran: “Sharing is caring, huh?”

Me: “I didn’t have this in mind when I first said that.”

Saeyoung: “How did this even come to mind in the first place?”

Me: “I dunno. You 2 look so alike now it’s uhhh, ummm, tempting, I guess. Can you blame me? Look at yourselves, you’re practically a mirror image.”

Saeran: “Is it because I’m not wearing my contacts?”

Saeyoung: “She has a point though, it weren’t for your tattoo when I saw you fucking her mouth it was like seeing myself.”

Saeran: “I thought more or less the same when you were fucking her.”

Me: “I never expected this to happen. Just a month ago I’d flinch at Saeran’s touch and now I’ve let him cum in my mouth. God, I really am shameless.”

Saeyoung: “I blame the alcohol, makes you see double.”

Me: “Ha ha, real funny. Not my damn fault my sexy fiancée has an identical twin brother.”

Saeran: “So, you do think I’m sexy.”

Me: “Shut up or I’ll choke you.”

Saeran: “I might be into that.”

Saeyoung: “Just stop it Saeran.”

Saeran: “Fine.”

Me: “Saeran, let me ask you something about Mint Eye.”

Saeran: “What about it?”

Me: “How was I picked?”

Saeran: “I had several programs that would search for certain keywords in social media and compile a list according to the highest amount of hits. I’d then sift through the list and run background checks on people I’d narrow down, depending on the results, I’d gather more information if necessary, that usually how I managed to find potential followers. You were a young female, middle class, single, loner, worked from home, family lived abroad, no particular affiliation to politics or religion, and your social media posts were depressing, indicating you suffered some kind of pain in your life. You seemed like a nice choice so I handed over your information to Rika and she approved.”

Saeyoung: “What programs did you use?”

Saeran: “I wrote them myself.”

Saeyoung: “How did you learn hacking?”

Saeran: “Rika gave me the same books you learned with, spent most of my time looking for traces of you.”

I placed my hands on his arms and pulled him up to lay his head on my chest and embrace him.

Me: “You’re not alone anymore.”

Saeyoung turned on his side, leaned on me, put his arm around us and said “Naked group hug.”

Me: “Jesus fucking Christ Saeyoung!”

Saeran: “Well, we are naked, and this is a hug.”

Me: “You’re not gonna run away?”

Saeran: “We’re in MY room.”

Me: “Right.”

Saeyoung: “Why did you pick his room?”

Me: “I dunno, first door I saw that has a bed inside?”

They both chuckled.

Saeran: “You really are shameless.”

Me: “Yeah, now you know my little secret.”

Saeyoung: “That you’re a she-wolf? That’s not much of a secret.”

Saeran: “I’ve told Yoosung about the times I’ve heard you guys fucking.”

Me: “Ugh.. fuck me…”

Saeyoung: “Again? Haven’t you had enough? We don’t have a triplet.”

Me: “You idiot, I didn’t mean literally. Who else knows? Zen?”

Saeyoung: “I haven’t said anything other than what you can see in the chats and we keep it lighthearted, you’ve said more than I have, I’m not the one that talks to him on the phone. But I can’t vouch for Yoosung blabbering.”

Me: “Whatever, there are more important secrets to keep, my non-existent virtue is not one of them.”

Saeran: “I never thanked you for everything you’ve done for me. I know it’s been hard for you to be the keeper of our secrets.”

Saeyoung: “Careful, she’ll ask for payment with flesh”

Me: “You make it sound so horrible.”

Saeyoung: “Look around you. You did this.”

Me: “I didn’t force anyone, only guns blazing here are my breasts.”

We all laughed.

Saeran: “How’s your face?”

Me: “It’s ummm, a little beat. I’ll be fine though, you didn’t break anything. I’m a lot sturdier than I look.”

Saeyoung: “I can tell, I don’t think I’d ever fucked you so hard. It’s not like I could hear you complain though.” he stifled a laugh.

Me: “Real slick.”

Saeyoung: “No, that was you, so wet like a slip and slide.”

Saeran chortled.

Me: “Maybe you should put a dick in your mouth.”

Saeyoung: “Mmmm, should I buy one for you to play with? You can pick the size, color, girth…”

Saeran: “Shut up.”

Me: “How about you put your dick in my mouth then?”

Saeyoung: “What? Now? Really?”

Me: “It’s only fair, you gave me oral allow me return the favor.”

Saeyoung: “Aren’t you tired? Are you secretly a porn star or something?”

Me: “I highly doubt a skilled hacker as yourself would miss that kind of fact if it were true.”

Saeran: “Make that 2 skilled hackers.”

Me: “Have you lost your stamina? We’ve done more than this.”

Saeran: “So, I’ve heard.”

Me: “Thanks for the help now get off.”

Saeran: “Want me to get off on you?”

Me: “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Saeran: “Ah, but it’s fun to tease you.”

He got up and I rolled over to crawl down to Saeyoung’s crotch. I bent my knees and stroked his length gently, then I leaned down to lick it up and down repeatedly, it had started to get hard. I licked the head, pushing my hair out of the way so he could see me better, he was hard already, I lowered my mouth to suck him and apparently Saeran had been stroking himself where I couldn’t see him, I felt him get behind me, spread my cheeks open and slam himself inside me. I gagged on Saeyoung’s cock but quickly composed myself, I put my left hand on the base of the shaft and held myself with my right hand pressed to the bed, Saeran was holding me by the hips, nails digging into the flesh, Saeyoung mussed my hair and started to bob my head in momentum with Saeran’s thrusts, my moans being muffled as I sucked faster up and down, my senses heightened while I was getting pounded harder and faster, he leaned into my back and bit my shoulder, breaking the flesh and then licking it, I groaned and mumbled, the vibrations of my noises making Saeyoung moan and bob my head deeper, Saeran bit me again, drawing blood this time, I groaned harder, he pulled out and started to swipe his tip across my slit.

Then I felt a wet finger up my butt, Saeyoung cummed in my mouth and I swallowed, I felt a second finger and he opened them inside me, trying to stretch me out I groaned and Saeyoung pulled out of my mouth and Saeran took out his fingers, he put his arm over my waist and lifted my torso to slowly descend on his cock until it was in my ass, I winced and Saeyoung leaned forward to lift my legs and enter me from the front.

I was stuck between them, they started thrusting and I was moaning, groaning, gasping, panting and they kept going, digging deeper into me, Saeran bit me on the shoulder again and I bit Saeyoung, his moan overpowering mine, I held on to him as I reached my climax, scratching his back and when he bit my other shoulder really hard I wailed and trembled, Saeyoung kissed me deeply and I felt him cum, Saeran chomped on my shoulder again to draw blood and I cried into Saeyoung’s mouth and felt Saeran twitching erratically inside me as he orgasmed. He licked my wound and pulled out, Saeyoung pulling me closer to him, shifting his legs so we could lie on the bed together, Saeran joining on my right side. 2 mops of red hair panting on either side of me.

Saeyoung: “You okay?”

Me: “Yeah… just tired out.”

Saeyoung: “God, you should be or else you’d be some insatiable beast.”

Me: “A think a Choi sandwich is more than enough to satiate this beast.”

The twins snickered.

Me: “I just need help cleaning up.”

Saeran got up and brought water, I drank mine really fast and asked for more, he brought a pitcher this time.

Saeyoung: “You okay?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Saeran: “You don’t look okay.”

Me: “It’s fine, I’m just worn out. Nothing a shower and some sleep can’t fix.”

After 3 glasses of water I asked Saeyoung to carry me to the bathroom so we could shower. He washed my hair and bathed me and I lazily washed him, chuckling at my tiredness.

Saeyoung: “Your shoulders are a mess.”

Me: “I bet, bring me some aloe and vitamin E when you’re dressed.”

Saeyoung: “It looks like you were bleeding. God, how hard did he bite you?”

Me: “Enough to draw blood and suck it.”

Saeyoung: “And you’re sure you’re okay with that?”

Me: “It’s fine, really, he warned me he wouldn’t be gentle and you’ve bitten me pretty hard enough yourself, just never tried to make me bleed though. You were both being pretty aggressive but it’s fine.”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t know you were a masochist.”

Me: “Now I know you really are a sadist.”

Saeyoung: “That was your doing, I think you forget you live with dangerous men, what did you think was going to happen if you kept teasing us?”

Me: “I hope you’re being rhetorical.”

Saeyoung: “I want an answer.”

Me: “I’ll admit I didn’t really think that far ahead but worst case scenarios did cross my mind. I figured no matter what happened you’d protect me.”

Saeyoung: “You make it difficult for me to protect you when you keep putting yourself in danger. My brother might look like me on the outside but he is NOT me. I still don’t know a lot about what happened to him and how it’s affected his personality.”

Me: “Yeah, I know, I remember when he tried to kidnap me from the apartment, I had the feeling he’d torture me, he was absolutely deranged.”

Saeyoung: “And look at you now, offering yourself to him.”

I winced at his words. I was tired and sore all over. I shut off the shower, put on my bath robe and walked clumsily to the bedroom.

Saeyoung: “Let me help you, God, you can barely walk.”

Me: “I’m fine, just get me the aloe and vitamin E.” I yelled.

I was relieved he didn’t trail me, I needed a minute to gather myself. I towel dried my hair and put some underwear on, I looked in the mirror and was shocked to see the marks on my skin. I sat on the bed to apply witch hazel on my wounds and then lied down, Saeyoung walked in with a first aid kit and the aloe and sat next to me to nurse my wounds.

Saeyoung: “You look so battered. Can I get you anything else?”

Me: “Some coffee would be nice.”

Saeyoung: “Alright, I can do that. Do you want me to bring it?”

Me: “No, I’ll uhh, meet you in the kitchen.”

He kissed my lips softly and left. I didn’t want to move.

I got up once I could smell the aroma of the coffee brewing. I put on one of Saeyoung’s hoodies and walked to the kitchen.

Saeran was sitting at the table eating an ice cream sandwich and eyed me up and down, I suddenly felt awkward.

Me: “What is it?”

Saeran: “Nothing. Do you want another sandwich?”

Me: “Too soon for sexual innuendos.”

He snickered and his brother told him to shut up. I took the coffee mug that was waiting for me and told Saeyoung to make me a sandwich, he kissed me and said he’d be happy to, I sat at the table to wait.

Me: “So uh, since when are you a vampire?”

He choked on his food and then started laughing.

Saeran: “Very funny. I wanted to see what you tasted like and your body reacts a certain way that’s pretty ummm, arousing I guess.”

Saeyoung: “You went too far, you bit off her flesh.”

Saeran: “Did I? I saw you do the same.”

Saeyoung: “Not enough to make her bleed.”

Me: “It’s fine Saeyoung, it’s not so bad.”

Saeran: “See? She liked it.”

Saeyoung: “She didn’t say she liked it.”

Saeran: “Well, did you?”

They glared in my direction expecting an answer. I took a sip of my coffee and swallowed, closed my eyes a second to escape their gaze.

Me: “I liked it in the moment, but the recovery is irritating.”

Saeran: “Let me see the damage.”

I pulled my hair back and opened up the hoodie halfway to expose my shoulders, he leaned in to get a closer look and shrugged.”

Saeran: “You’ll be fine.”

Me: “I know.” I closed up the hoodie and started to eat my sandwich.

Saeran: “See? No harm done.”

Saeyoung: “I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation.”

Saeran: “Blame her. She got us drunk to have a threesome.”

I snickered a little bit.

Saeyoung: “This isn’t funny.”

Me: “I know but, sometimes I can’t help but laugh at inappropriate moments, it helps relieve the tension, it’s an involuntary reaction.”

Saeran: “You can’t blame me for this brother, you could’ve stopped me if you wanted to but you didn’t. The first time she offered herself to me I ignored her because she wanted YOU, not me.”

Saeyoung: “I know. I’m probably just as twisted as SHE is.”

Me: “I think we’re all twisted in our own ways, that’s probably why we get along so well. We have a lot in common, more than we care to admit.”

Saeyoung: “We’re all mad here, let’s enjoy the tea party?”

Me: “I said that, didn’t I? It’s true though, we’re all pretty fucked up, ended up together, fucked together. Where do we go from here now?”

Saeyoung: “I don’t know.”

Saeran: “Me neither.”

We sat there in silence for what seemed like a long time but probably a few minutes.

Me: “Let’s go to bed.”

Saeyoung: “You’re kidding right? You can barely walk!”

Me: “To lie down dammit, I’m physically and emotionally drained.”

Saeyoung: “Good, I was starting to think you’re a real succubus.”

Saeran chuckled. I got up and wobbled and he held my arm so I wouldn’t trip and hit myself with the table.

Saeyoung: “C’mon, we’ll carry you.”

They each held me and dragged my clumsy self to the bed, lying down beside me, a twin on each side. It was bizarre but oddly comforting.

Me: “You should wash your sheets.”

Saeran: “I did, they’re in the dryer.”

Saeyoung: “Did you know that if you get pregnant from either us we’ll never know who impregnated you because we have the same DNA?”

Me: “Activate Seven Wiki!”

Saeyoung: “I’m serious though.”

Me: “I don’t know if I can bear a child full term. I got beaten pretty badly when I was pregnant, and it took me a while to get to the hospital to have the dead fetus removed. Doctor told me I was lucky to survive. But still, that’s pretty interesting information, I hadn’t thought about it. Who’d be the father, who’d be the uncle? That’s kinda fucked up.”

Saeran: “What happened to your ex?”

Me: “He died in a car accident, drunk driving.”

Saeran: “You don’t have a hospital record.”

Me: “I used a fake name.”

Saeran: “What did he do to you?”

Me: “Overall or when I lost the baby?”

Saeran: “The latter, then overall.”

Me: “I don’t remember everything but he kicked me everywhere so my face was swollen and I was a giant bruise with cuts on my back when he threw me over a glass table, dislocated my right shoulder, broke 3 ribs, ruptured my spleen, hairline fractured my skull, and other stuff from previous injuries.”

Saeran: “Not sure I want to know the overall if that was one time.”

Me: “He was a charming man, but when I did things he didn’t like he’d turn into something else. I never had a lot of friends and the few I had he would get jealous, hated when I posted pictures online, I quit my job to work from home so he’d stop pestering me, that’s when the insults came accompanied by his fists and something in me snapped, and I hit him back. It turned into pretty much weekly fight matches that ended in sex. When I’d try to get away from him he’d drag me back, I didn’t have many places to hide. Lack of social life and family. He always knew where to find me and once I was back he’d punish me. Sometimes I felt like I deserved it, but eventually I woke up and realized he was just using me.”

Saeyoung: “He didn’t deserve you.”

Saeran: “Are there pictures of him?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sure there are some online, why?”

Saeran: “Just curious, how much bigger than you was he?”

Me: “He was 184cm and around 79kg.”

Saeyoung: “Like Jumin.”

Me: “Yeah, I guess.”

Saeran: “You were pretty brave to hit him back.”

Me: “I didn’t care that he was bigger or stronger than me, once he started yelling and threatening and just getting violent it set off my own anger, his monster facing against mine, like savage animals tearing each other and breaking everything. He always had the upper hand since I was no match for him but that never stopped me from trying to break his face. I almost ran him over with my car once.” I giggled and they stared at me in shock and then chuckled.

Saeyoung: “Oh God, really?”

Saeran: “Why didn’t you?”

Me: “Oh I tried, trust me, he jumped out of the way.” I snickered.

Saeyoung: “You sure you’re not a yandere?”

Me: “I wanted to kill him because he treated me like a punching bag he could fuck. I got to that point thanks to the resentment he created with his petty fights, I couldn’t even recognize myself when I’d catch glimpses of my reflection while I fought him back, I was wrath and he was fury.”

Saeran: “You don’t have that many visible scars.”

Me: “My ex was very vain, he loved to have unblemished skin so he’d do everything to keep it looking perfect and he’d extend the courtesy to me, he wouldn’t have me looking marred, I had to look perfect for him. The dermatologist he used to go to is also a plastic surgeon, we’d get different treatments like dermabrasion, punch grafts, chemical peels, etc., I got minor surgery once to blur a scar from a mirror shard that got embedded on my thigh, now it looks like a stretch mark. Most of the things I know about skin care I learned from the dermatologist. If you look at the bite marks from earlier they’ve sealed up by now and probably be gone in a few days.”

Saeyoung: “All the scars are on the inside.”

Saeran: “Why is there no record of this?”

Me: “It’d be under his name, not mine. After a really nasty fight in which he’d made my nose bleed, he threatened me to delete all my online accounts or he’d break my computer, I did as he asked as best I could but then he spit on my face, broke my computer, phone, and camera.”

Saeyoung kissed my forehead.

Saeran: “I’m glad he’s dead.”

Me: “I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

They were both leaning on me, I took a deep breath inhaling their scent and I felt happy and warm, I closed my eyes, reached out for their hand, and they interlaced their fingers with mine.

Me: “I know you’ve had pretty sheltered lives but have you ever been with anyone prior to meeting me?”

Saeyoung: “Abroad.”

Me: “As in a broad or abroad.”

Saeyoung: “Both. A broad abroad. Hehe. It was a one night stand. I was mostly studying and working for the agency and had to keep a low profile, Vanderwood kept teasing me that maybe I was gay so I called a female classmate that I knew had a crush on me. We had sex once and that was it. As 707 Extreme I had sex on missions as a tool for infiltrating, men or women, didn’t matter, it was better than killing them.”

Me: “Really? You’ve had sex with men?”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, I don’t really care for sexual preferences. If you’d been a man I probably would have loved you anyway as long as we shared the same sensibilities. You’re beautiful, but it was your caring nature that made me fall for you.”

Me: “I understand that feeling. I’d love you if you were a woman, I think you look sexier than me when you cross dress.”

We laughed.

Saeyoung: “Oh? Should I let you fuck me then?”

Me: “Sure, dress up as a French maid with the long red wig and I’ll be your master that punishes you for not cleaning the house.”

Saeyoung: “You’d punish me? That sounds like fun. I’m game for that.”

Saeran: “Thanks for the mental picture” he scoffed.

Me: “What about your sexual experience?”

Saeran: “I fucked Rika.”

Saeyoung and I both looked at him and shouted “What?”

Saeran: “What? How is that surprising? Don’t look at me like that, it’s not like I had much of a choice, she forced herself on me.”

Saeyoung: “So, she raped you. Rika. Really?”

Saeran: “I was resistant to the drugs and brainwashing techniques because I couldn’t reach a happy state of mind thinking about my brother all the time, wishing for him to come back, they tried to make me think you had abandoned me. As soon as she realized she had to make me forget about you she used alternate methods, the last one being sexual stimulation which she did in private so no one else would find out. Then she finally convinced me that she and I were betrayed by the people that loved us.”

Me: “That’s uhhh… she sure did a number on you.”

Saeyoung: “She was supposed to take care of you.”

Saeran: “She took care of me alright.”

Me: “Don’t look so disgusted Saeyoung, she’s only 2 years older than you two and hardly qualified to take care of anyone since she’s mentally ill.”

Saeyoung: “She violated my brother’s body and mind, I trusted them.”

Me: “I know, but we can’t do anything about it now, same as you can’t do anything about my past. Rika is sick and getting treatment, besides, I think she received enough punishment for her actions by losing V, you were unconscious when he was dying but I was there, the way he looked at her. His last words were of undying love for her: ‘I‘m always with you, like the sun. Love of my soul, Rika.’ I still get goosebumps when I remember. I don’t ever want to know what that feels like. I saw the moment Rika snapped and lost what was left of her mind, that’s why she became obsessed with the sun, trying to feel the warmth V had given her. I don’t condone his actions, but he truly loved her until the end.”

Saeran: “Love makes people stupid.”

Me: “Love saved your life, now you’re not alone anymore.”

Saeyoung: “Have a nice scar and everything to prove your big brother saved you.”

Me: “You both do.”

Saeran: “We’re the same size you idiot.”

Saeyoung: “I was born first.”

Saeran: “Whatever.”

Me: “When I was little I didn’t like being the youngest. My oldest sister used to boss me around, well, she still does sometimes by phone, heh.”

Saeran: “Is that the one we’ll be staying with?”

Me: “Yeah, she has 2 sons, you’ll meet my baby nephews.”

Saeyoung: “Are they twins?”

Me: “No, they were born 2 years apart.”

Saeran: “I’ve never been close to a baby before.”

Saeyoung: “Me neither, will we get to hold them?”

Me: “Maybe, depends on my sister.”

Saeran: “Are there twins in your family?”

Me: “Identical twins that I know of? No. But I had great aunts that were fraternal twins.”

My stomach growled and they laughed.

Saeyoung: “Let’s feed you.”

Me: “As long as it’s not Choi sandwich, ok.”

They snickered and helped me off the bed. We went to the kitchen and I poured myself some milk and cereal, sat at the table to eat. Saeyoung opened a bag of Honey Buddha chips and Saeran made himself a smoothie.

Me: “What would you do if I sold the rest of your chips so you’d stop eating them?”

Saeyoung: “Probably track them down and scold you for not respecting my property, I worked hard for them you know… Besides, I eat healthy enough now since you’ve been living here.”

Saeran: “How does he not get sick?”

Me: “My guess is as good as yours.”

Saeyoung: “How are you feeling?”

Me: “A little sore, mostly tired.”

Saeyoung: “I’m sorry I got carried away.”

Me: “Life’s never boring with you guys around, it’s like a movie.”

Saeran: “That’s an interesting way to put it.”

Me: “Reality is stranger than fiction, or so the saying goes. If you’d told me a year ago I’d be living with hacker twins in a bunker I’d tell you you’re crazy. Let alone the circumstances of how we met.”

Saeyoung: “You should write a script or novel and sell it.”

Me: “I could. It might sound crazy enough nobody would think it’s real.”

Saeran: “Except for the people we know.”

Saeyoung: “Insignificant percentage compared to the whole of the country.”

Me: “I appreciate you guys being good listeners.”

Saeyoung: “When I told you my story you said that talking about things makes you feel better. Sharing is caring right?”

Me: “Yeah, I think talking about the past feels like letting it go, less weight to carry. I’ve talked about Saeran to you but never confronted the problem directly, it wasn’t until he asked me about it that I vented.”

Saeran: “I don’t blame you. You didn’t trust me. I wouldn’t trust me either.”

Me: “I have faith that everything will be fine. The worst part is over, it just takes time to rebuild. I’ve seen you two getting along well enough and I trusted you enough to let you inside me. Don’t worry so much.”

I winked at him and he smiled a bit in acknowledgement.

Saeyoung: “Are you going to the office tomorrow?”

Me: “I should, I have some work I have to finish, why do you ask?”

Saeyoung: “I’m just concerned about you.”

Me: “I’ll be fine with enough sleep. If my face looks discolored I’ll cover it with makeup, it’s almost fall I can wear a turtleneck, and that should be able to hide anything nefarious. In any case, if I feel too tired to leave the house I’ll just stay and work from here if you two can promise me to stay away while I work.”

Saeran: “I can do that.”

Me: “You want me to stay home?”

Saeyoung: “Of course I do.”

Saeran: “We.”

Saeyoung: “Ok, WE want you to stay home, at least tomorrow. Will you?”

Me: “Alright, but you better let me finish my work, I don’t want to do it during vacation.”

Saeran: “I promise.”

Saeyoung: “We.”

Saeran: “Fine, we promise.”

Me: “Have you guys ever finished each other’s sentences?”

Saeyoung: “Not that I know of, God, you watch too many movies.”

Saeran: “And TV.”

Me: “Fine, maybe I’m being stupid but you sometimes know each other’s feelings and thoughts, so synchronizing speech is not that farfetched.”

Saeyoung: “We’ll practice as a bonding exercise.”

Saeran; “You’re kidding right?”

Saeyoung: “Maybe.”

I stood up to wash my plate but Saeran took it instead.

Me: “Umm, thanks.”

Saeyoung: “Wanna curl up on the sofa and watch movies?”

Me: “Yeah, I think that’s perfect right now.”

Saeyoung and I walked towards the living room while Saeran cleaned up in the kitchen, he joined us when he finished. I had propped myself against Saeyoung and Saeran nestled himself beside me, we watched movies until we fell asleep. I dreamed I was brushing a little girl’s hair, it was long and wavy with an auburn tone, when she turned around to look at me her eyes were like honey and her skin like cream. When I woke up I startled the twins, I guess I had jumped.

Saeyoung: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Oh, I think I had a dream of what our daughter would look like.”

Saeyoung: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, I couldn’t see her face at first, I was brushing her hair, it was auburn colored, long with a few curls, she turned around to look at me her eyes looked like pools of honey, her skin like cream, she seemed to be about 4 years old but I don’t know much about children, other than girls grow faster than boys. I woke up before hearing her speak.”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t know you had psychic dreams like Zen.”

Me: “I don’t, it was just a dream. Probably wishful thinking. Let’s go to bed.”

He wanted to say something but when he saw my groggy face he simply chuckled. We went back to sleep, the three of us sharing the bed.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world and I enjoyed a sense of peacefulness, I think we all did. When I woke up I felt well rested. The twins were gone and I could smell brewed coffee. I got up to brush my teeth and wash my face, I could hear them talking in the kitchen, I followed the sound of their voices when I was done in the bathroom. I took a picture of them with my phone when I saw what they were doing, Saeran was teaching Saeyoung how to make french toast.

Me: “Sae-what and Sae-cook. What’s cooking?”

Saeran: “Clever. He wanted to make you breakfast.” he chuckled.

Me: “Is my superhero trying to save me from hunger with his own hands?”

Saeyoung: “I, Defender of Justice will keep his promise of protecting my noble lady, that includes keeping you healthy and well fed.”

Me: “Awww, my knight in orange armor. It smells really nice.” I lightly kissed him and he gave me a big hug.

Saeran: “Your coffee is on the counter.”

Me: “Thanks.” I kissed him on the cheek and he blushed, when I turned around he slapped my ass and I yelped, they both chuckled.

Me: “I’m still sore you know….”

Saeran: “I think you like it.” he snickered.

I sipped my coffee and didn’t respond, kept walking towards the table.

Saeyoung: “I guess she does.” he snorted.

They brought the breakfast to the table, mine was decorated with cut strawberries that looked like hearts. I took a picture with my phone.

Me: “You guys, this is really sweet. Thank you.”

Saeyoung: “Not as sweet as you. You’re always taking care of us, it’s only fair we do the same for you.”

Saeran: “I can’t make pancakes as pretty as yours but this is the least I can do. Teaching my idiot brother the little I know about cooking.”

Me: “I really appreciate it, coffee and home cooked meals are a sure way to make me happy. This is really exciting, maybe I should stay home more often if you guys are going to pamper me like this.” I tasted the food and it was so delicious, I moaned and they stared at me chuckled.

Saeyoung: “Bon appetit mon amour.”

Me: “Merci beaucoup. You should speak French more often, it sounds really sexy, especially when you roll your r’s like that.”

Saeyoung: “Maybe I will when I dress up as your French Maid.”

Me: “Oh my, I might melt if you do that.”

Saeyoung: “I’ll sweep you up to bed.”

Me: “Ok, stop it. My mind will wander to the gutter and I have work to do, can’t have that kind of distraction.”

Saeyoung: “Ok, I’ll file that information away for later use.”

Saeran: “Yes please, don’t want to be thinking about you dressed as a maid, it’s disturbing.”

Me: “I’m sure you’d look good in a dress too.”

Saeran: “Whatever.”

Saeyoung: “We could be sisters! We can get you a maid outfit too!”

Saeran: “I’d rather not. I’m already embarrassed to be your brother.”

Me: “Settle down boys. I’m going to finish breakfast and start working.”

Saeyoung: “Want me to help? You’d finish faster.”

Me: “Thank you, but I like to do it myself since I’m getting paid for it.”

Saeyoung: “I can teach you how to type quicker.”

Me: “Some other time.”

Saeyoung: “Suit yourself.”

Me: “The first time I saw you typing I started to wonder all kinds of things with your hands and then I was flustered because you didn’t want to talk to me so I tried to concentrate on something else.”

Saeyoung: “I think you’re the only person capable of having dirty thoughts when they’re next to a bomb.”

Me: “Next to a sexy secret agent hacker disarming a bomb.”

Saeyoung: “God, you’re impossible. Don’t think it was easy trying to stay away from you. I’m sure your pheromones were permeating the air in the apartment, making it hard for me to concentrate.”

Me: “Can you blame me? Sex would’ve been a welcoming distraction amidst all the shit that was going on but you were on the verge of a mental breakdown after seeing your long lost twin. I felt guilty for having sinful thoughts so I picked up my mind from the gutter, pushed away my own fears, and did my best to offer you my support because I cared.”

Saeran: “Does danger turn you on?”

Me: “Mmmmm, I wouldn’t say that exactly but I’ve been reminded several times that life can be short so it’s best to make the most out of every situation. I’ve stopped second-guessing myself ever since I’ve been close to dying. It may seem like I have a deathwish but I just don’t want my life to be controlled by fear or feel powerless by things I can’t control. I learned to adapt, to survive, living in fear is not an option for me.”

Saeyoung: “You’re the strongest person I know. I love you so much.”

Saeran: “I know what you mean. I pretty much grew up living in fear.”

Me: “Once you conquer your fears, you can do anything.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, like I did you.”

Saeran: “Why do you love him?”

Me: “It’s a mystery.”

They chuckled. I’ve grown to love the sound of their laughs. It feels me with joy and peace. Saeran took our plates to the kitchen and I got up to go get the computer but Saeyoung tackled me from behind.

Me: “Babe, be careful with my shoulders.”

Saeyoung: “If I kiss them, will it make it better?”

Me: “You know it won’t, you’ll just make the wolf hungry.”

He put his arms and my waist and kissed my cheek.

Saeyoung: “Maybe my wolf wants to play.”

Me: “Your wolf will have to stay in the sin bin while I work.”

Saeyoung: “You don’t really have to work right now.”

Me: “You promised you’d let me work if I stayed home. We can play later.”

Saeyoung: “Fine, put me in the sin bin.”

Saeran: “What’s a sin bin?”

Me: “It means penalty box.”

Saeran: “Oh, so it’s a sports reference. It sounds lewd.”

Me: “That’s how I roll.”

Saeran: “All over the bed.”

Me: “Alright guys, I need to work and you need to clear out. Work hard, play harder, but let me get to the work part before the play part, k?”

They both groaned “Fine.” and left me alone. Saeyoung muttered something to Saeran that he’d be tinkering in his workshop. Before I moved in with him, he used to work in his room but now he works in a separate room that he calls his workshop where he keeps all his parts, tools, and equipment. His room was extremely cluttered so I helped him organize his things and he made space for mine. I used to work from the bed but it got too distracting, we’d end up fooling around and I couldn’t get work done so I’ve been coming to the office ever since. I had told him that bedrooms were now for sleeping so we agreed we wouldn’t work in the room and that we’d each have our own working space. His at the house, mine at the apartment. It’s worked out so far, now that I’ve been spending more time at the house I have 2 distractions with names. It hasn’t been easy juggling work and bonding with them. At least now I feel a lot more confident in Saeran joining us in our family trip. Whatever tension I had when he was close to me is gone. I hope that our vacation goes well.

I eventually finished work and as promised, the twins were nowhere around me. I put the computer away and started making lunch. Once they smelled that I was cooking they made their way to the kitchen.

Saeyoung: “Smells good, what are you making?”

Me: “Japchae-bap. There’s some leftover bulgogi, we can eat it with that.”

Saeyoung: “You done with work?”

Me: “For today, yeah. I have to call Zen later or text him.”

Saeyoung: “For the play tickets?”

Me: “Yeah, I think it’d be nice to go on his opening night.”

Saeyoung: “I thought you didn’t like musicals.”

Me: “I don’t like sucking cock either but I put aside my tastes for the people I care about. Going to a musical is the least I can do to support our friend’s hard work.”

They both snorted and started laughing.

Saeran: “So brutal.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, isn’t she great?”

Me: “We’re going to see the play with Jaehee.”

Saeyoung: “Ok, it’s like an RFA gathering.”

Me: “Except Jumin won’t be there for obvious reasons, we could invite Yoosung I guess. Why don’t you ask him, Saeran?”

Saeran: “You can ask him yourself, why do you need me to do it?”

Me: “Because I work, you don’t, and I’m asking you a simple favor.”

Saeran: “Fine, whatever, I’ll ask him.”

Me: “Thank you. Now get your ass over here and help me finish lunch.”

He groaned and stomped his way towards the stove. He finished stir-frying the vegetables while I reheated the meat. Saeyoung set the table.

I was happy that we were all working together in the kitchen.

Saeran: “Why are you smiling?”

Me: “Oh, I’m just happy. Don’t mind me.”

Saeyoung: “What are you happy about?”

Me: “This. Us. Together. As a family.”

Saeyoung: “It does feel nice, doesn’t it?”

Saeran: “You brought us together. You made us a family.”

I turned off the stove and gave Saeran a hug.

Me: “You found me when I was lost and changed my life.”

He held me tight and Saeyoung joined in the hug from behind me.

Saeyoung: “Family hug.”

Me: “Cant… breathe…”

They let me go and chuckled.

Me: “Alright boys, let’s eat.”

Saeyoung: “You make it sound like we’re children.”

Me: “You’re 21, that’s little over a teenager and a year more than Yoosung.”

Saeyoung: “Sure but, I’ve been independent longer than him and my life as an agent has made me mature differently, he’s a kid that grew up in a loving family with dreams of being a veterinarian, my brother and I have been wanted dead since we were born.”

Me: “True. I can’t say you act your age. To either of you.”

Saeran: “You sure don’t care about our age in bed.”

Me: “Eat your fucking food.”

Saeyoung chortled and his brother stifled a laugh. We ate in silence for a while until my phone rang. It was Jaehee, I forgot to tell her that I wasn’t going to the office that day, she wanted to make sure I was feeling well, I assured her I was fine and that I worked from home, if there was anything from the RFA that I needed to do at the office it could be sent to me via email. I told her not to worry and to remind Jumin about Zen’s opening night, no work after hours that day. She was so excited I couldn’t help but smile. Her joy was infectious. She hung up when Jumin called her.

Saeyoung: “Forgot to call her?”

Me: “Yeah, I was going to in the morning but got sidetracked by the breakfast you guys made and I immediately dove into work, I did answer some RFA emails but I dunno, I forgot to call I guess. Maybe I need more coffee. I slept well but I feel tired.”

Saeyoung: “I’d be shocked if you weren’t tired.”

Me: “Would you be shocked if I told I’m ready for more?”

Saeyoung: “You can’t be serious.”

Saeran: “I think she is.”

Me: “I dunno, maybe I’m too sober for this.”

Saeyoung: “Why don’t you take nap? You might feel better.”

Me: “I guess a nap might be nice.”

When I finished eating Saeyoung took my plate and told me he’d clean up. I went to the bedroom and lied down. I guess that’s what I needed, I closed my eyes, stretched, curled up with the blanket and fell asleep. When I woke up something was blocking my vision.

Saeyoung: “Uh uh, don’t take it off. We’re going to play a game.”

Me: “Ummm, ok.”

Saeyoung: “Saeran is going to mask his voice with a special implant I made that will make him sound like me and we’ll each have a turn. You have to guess who fucked you, it can be during or after but you have 2 tries.”

Me: “That sounds ummm. Fun?”

Saeran: “Told you she’d like it.”

Me: “What happens if I get it right?”

Saeyoung: “You can take off the blindfold and do whatever you want.”

Me: “If I guess wrong, I stay blindfolded and you do whatever with me?”

Saeyoung: “Exactly. Are you game?”

Me: “Before we start, I want a safe word, if I don’t feel comfortable I’ll say the word and the game ends.”

Saeyoung: “Alright. Pick a word or gesture in case your mouth is full.”

Me: “I pick 7 fingers up as my gesture and the word Red.”

Saeyoung: “You’re so cute. Ok, you heard her, if you see her holding 7 fingers up or say the word Red, you stop.”

Saeran: “I’m right here, I heard her.”

He sounded just like Saeyoung. Only reason I knew it was Saeran is because they were clearly talking to each other. I wasn’t sure if I felt excited or scared.

Saeyoung: “Fine, just making sure we’re all agreeing to this. Honey?”

Me: “Yeah… You take turns, I guess, safe word is Red, gesture is holding 7 fingers up, guess right, blindfold off, guess wrong, fucked either way.”

Saeyoung: “Sounds about right. Ok, we’re going to leave the room and come back. One of us will fuck you. No peeking allowed. Got it?”

Me: “Yes.”

Saeyoung: “Good girl, we’ll be right back.”

They left the room. I started to feel anxious. What if I couldn’t guess my own fiancée? He was rougher last time since his brother was rough so I had the feeling it was going to be brutal sex and not making love, this kind of curiosity was dangerous but I agreed to it, I guess I wanted to find out just how much of a sadist they were. I heard the door open, my heart was beating fast, I felt anxious, I really wanted to know who was climbing on the bed with me and slowly taking off my clothes, inching my panties down and kissing my thighs. Taking his time to undress me, making me shudder when it tickled. Once my top was off he was kissing my neck and shoulders, feeling my sides with his hands, lifting my torso gently and sitting me on his naked lap, he kissed me passionately and I moaned.

My heart slowly got back to normal when he broke the kiss, I mussed his hair and he started to rock me against his hard on, rubbing himself tight against me, making me wet and yearning for him. I put my arms over his shoulders and scratched his back and he tightened his grip on me, shifting his cock lower to push himself inside me, I gripped his shoulder and cried softly, he thrust painfully slow at first, his girth growing as he got harder, I pushed my breasts to his chest and kissed him lightly on his bottom lip, then licked it, and bit him hard, he shouted and thrust harder, resting his head on my shoulder, gripping my ass to rock me with his rhythm, he kissed my neck and sucked on it, then bit me hard and I cried, his thrust getting more erratic, he pushed me back and I lied down on the bed. He kept digging into me harder and faster and I moaned “Sae…” but didn’t finish the name, I wasn’t sure who was fucking me. He caught on, said “Not sure, yet?” and snickered. He shifted to hover over me, delivering his thrusts tighter as he closed my legs and rubbed my nub with his thumb. I hissed and shuddered, I was feeling too sensitive, he’d found my sweet spot and pounded me harder, I grabbed his ass and pulled him into me, I knew his face was over mine and I whispered “Saeran.” just before I spasmed into my orgasm and he thrust harder until reaching his own climax, dropping himself on top of me.

Me: “Saeran, move to the side you’re crushing me.”

He shifted his weight off me and lied down, took off my blindfold. I kept my eyes closed and then looked to the side, it was in fact Saeran. I took a deep breath of relief and saw Saeyoung standing up from a chair with a big smile on his face. It was definitely a weird situation.

He clapped his hands and sat on the bed to lean down and kiss me.

Me: “Was this some sort of test?”

Saeyoung: “If it were, I’d say you passed.”

Saeran: “How’d you know it was me?”

Me: “Fuck a man enough times and you learn his rhythm. Also, when I grabbed your ass, it reminded me of that night I was drunk and groped you. I think yours is a bit more firm. Good job on using the same soap and deodorant though. You smell the same but your hair is a little bit finer. When you’re out of the shower it’s harder to tell you apart.”

Saeyoung: “Excellent job Agent 606.”

Me: “Don’t congratulate me for fucking your brother.”

Saeyoung: “I’m commending your ability to differentiate us.”

Saeran reached into his mouth and snapped something off, putting it on the nightstand.

Me: “This is weird.”

Saeyoung: “Why?”

Saeran: “I just fucked your fiancée while you watched.”

His voice sounded like his own again.

Me: “I guess you’re a little more twisted than I thought.”

Saeyoung: “Stop trying to test me. I think you forget you live with dangerous men, I warned you not to play games with us. You keep putting yourself in these risky situations. I don’t want to see you get hurt because I love you but you also incite me to have disturbing thoughts.”

Me: “What kind of disturbing thoughts?”

Saeran: “This game for example, he wanted us to mask our voices like the ones kidnappers use in movies but I told him that’d be too scary.”

Me: “That’s uhh, I’m disappointed you thought that was a good idea.”

Saeyoung: “It seemed fine at first but he talked me out of it. I already had the voice changers from when I was an agent.”

Saeran: “I figured you’d feel more calm if you heard his voice.”

Saeyoung: “So I modified one.”

Me: “Ok, that makes sense. I guess I have you to thank for being the thoughtful twin this time.”

Saeran: “I remembered you yelling at me how my voice triggered the flashbacks when I tried to kidnap you, didn’t think a distorted voice would coax you into having sex.”

Me: “Probably not. I dunno. Either way, I appreciate the effort.”

Saeyoung: “Part of me wished you’d take longer to guess.”

Me: “Because you wanted me to keep the blindfold on?”

Saeyoung: “Precisely.”

Me: “That’s a pretty sinister looking face you got there. Want me to put it back on? No guessing this time, safe word still applies?”

Saeyoung: “It’s your choice. You won the game.”

Me: “Ok, I’ll wear the blindfold. Do your worst, no holding back. Show me what you’re capable of, I want to know if it’s as bad as I can imagine.”

Saeyoung: “You sure about that?”

Me: “I trust you.”

Saeran.: “Do you trust me?”

I looked into his eyes and remembered the passionate kiss we shared when I didn’t know who I was with, I closed my eyes and leaned towards his face to lightly kiss his lips and answered “Yes.” He sat up and asked me to do the same so he could put the blindfold on me.

Saeyoung: “Are you absolutely sure about this?”

Me: “Not really but I’m willing to take the risk in order to satisfy my curiosity. If you show me your monster I’ll show you mine.”

Saeyoung: “Guess we’re more alike than we cared to admit huh? Alright. If at any point you don’t feel comfortable, say the safe word or signal 7 with your hands and we all stop.”

Me: “Alright.”

I couldn’t see anything but felt them shifting on the bed, I felt incredibly vulnerable, I was completely naked, sight deprived, on a bed with 2 lustful men. One of them my lover, the other, his brother. I’d grown to care for Saeran, deeply, I just didn’t have enough time to process those feelings.

Saeyoung lied down on the bed, he took my hands and told me to get on top of him. I straddled him and he quickly pulled me down towards him, my chest over his, his hands traveled slowly up my arms, down my sides and back, he started to kiss me once his hands reached my butt, pressing me down to grind on his erection. I moved my hips along getting closer each time for him to enter me until he clenched my butt cheeks forcefully.

He thrust himself inside and I moaned into the kiss, his tongue melding with mine as he made his way up my insides. Then Saeran got behind me, stroking my hair and back, Saeyoung moved his hands to my waist and Saeran gripped my butt, rubbing the tip of his cock on my thighs, inching himself closer, Saeyoung slowed his pace and Saeran started to push his cock in the same hole as his brother, I groaned and Saeyoung broke the kiss, I guess in case I wanted to say the safe word. Saeran put in a finger to stretch me while his brother kept thrusting, then a second finger, I started to moan, then I felt his dick slowly getting inside and he removed the fingers. They were both pounding harder, faster, I rested my head on Saeyoung’s shoulder and bit down on his neck, he hissed and bit my neck really hard, breaking the flesh, I bit him again and he turned his face to kiss me, biting my lower lip softly as they both slammed into me. Saeran lifted my torso to embrace me, kissing my neck and shoulders, Saeyoung caressed my breasts and abdomen, resting his hands on my waist. Then I felt a wet finger up my butt, I knew what that meant, after he put in three fingers I was crying out some incoherent babble and Saeyoung thrust harder, I was close to climax when Saeran pulled out and started to slip into anal sex. Saeyoung told me to get up he held my legs and Saeran helped lift until we shifted into a standing position on the floor, both of them holding me while they shoved their cocks into me over and over again, my head was lolling, I tried to rest it on Saeran’s shoulder but then they both took a bite of my shoulder and I shrieked.

I bent my head forward and bit Saeyoung hard enough to draw blood and lapped at the blood, followed by sucking on the skin, he groaned loudly and held me tighter, I kissed his wound and put my arms over his shoulders. I felt him cum, he moaned and searched my face with his lips, I kissed him with thirst, moaning his name between breaths. Saeran pecked my shoulders, licked my neck, bit me hard enough to pierce the flesh, I screeched his name while he pounded me harder, I flinched from the pain, lolling my head sideways and I finally felt him orgasm, he dug his nails up my thighs and sucked on my wound, slowly letting me go. Saeyoung carried me to the bed, climbing over me to hover himself on my chest, pushing his dick in my mouth, holding my head to shove himself down my throat, Saeran had left a minute, when he came back he knelt on the bed and spread my legs open to suck on my folds. It was a weird sensation, Saeyoung pulling my hair and forcing his way in my mouth, I put my hands on the base to stop him from gagging me, I moaned with his cock in my mouth, whatever Saeran was doing felt really good, he was licking and nibbling and started to put his fingers inside, curling the knuckles as he dug deeper, I moved my hips up or down to get him to reach my sweet spot until he found it and my legs quivered. He stopped licking and took out his fingers, I felt him ram me with his erection, the momentum causing me to choke on Saeyoung’s cock, I gagged a bit but recovered quickly, moaning softly as I caressed Saeyoung’s balls, they felt firm to the touch, he trembled slightly and pulled out to cum on my face.

He snickered when he finished. Staring as I tried to wipe the goo.

Saeyoung: “Look, it’s a baby shower.”

Me: “Oh God, shut up and clean my face, please.”

Saeran stifled a laugh and Saeyoung got up to get something to wipe me with, that left one twin, he pushed my legs wider and lowered himself to hover over me.

Saeran: “That’s a good look on you.”

Me: “I can make you look pretty too, in red.”

Saeran: “You’re pretty sinister looking yourself sometimes, it’s sexy.”

He pulled out and pushed himself back in, I moaned his name, making him thrust faster, he lifted me by the shoulders and held my back with one arm as he kept prodding my insides, Saeyoung showed up and handed me a wet wipe to clean my face with, I handed it back to him when I was done. When he came back he sat behind me to lift me on top of him, slowly descending on the tip of his cock, he propped himself on his side and pulled me closer to penetrate me while Saeran changed places to keep thrusting, it was uncomfortable at first but then we settled on a position and it was ok. Saeyoung was holding one of my legs up while he fucked me up the ass and Saeran grinding in the front, I had little strength left, I moaned Saeran’s name and orgasmed and he thrust harder to cum until he did, pulling out to shove his cock in my mouth. I held on to the base to suck on him while Saeyoung thrust, he started to touch my folds and look for my nub to rub. I was so sensitive I flinched.

He almost pulled out and I gagged on Saeran’s cock. He started to fondle me again, circling his fingers around my labia and softly prodding my entrance. I moaned and he started to slip his fingers upwards. My head was swimming, too many things happening and my senses had been overworked, Saeran pulled out to cum on my face, I orgasmed with a loud moan, my body trembling, Saeyoung pulled out to cum on my butt. I was panting and gasping for air in a fetal position on the bed.

Saeyoung: “I’m impressed you didn’t use the safe word.”

Saeran: “You looked like you were going to pass out.”

Me: “Told you I’m tougher than I look.” I panted.

Saeyoung: “I think you’ve had enough. Want me to bathe you?”

Me: “Yes please, there’s cum everywhere.”

He chuckled, one of my favorite sounds in the world. They both helped me up and walked me to the bathroom.

Me: “Aren’t you tired yourselves?”

They sort of shrugged in agreement and put me in the shower. Saeran handed me my face wash and Saeyoung got in to help me lather my body. Saeran left to put the sheets in the washing machine. I cleaned my face thoroughly and left the shower running over it for a while then turned around so Saeyoung could lather my front side and I washed my hair. I washed his hair too and back side. Saeran walked in and got in with us, he moved to the front and stood under the shower, I washed his front side and he got an erection and then I felt Saeyoung’s erection.

He slapped my butt with his dick.

Me: “What the fuck, how can you guys still get hard after all that sex?”

Saeyoung: “’Cause you’re a delicious little lamb and we’re big bad wolves?”

Me: “We’re not fucking in the shower. I’m not lubricated anymore, it’ll be painful, we’ll chafe if you try.”

Saeran: “Speaking from experience?”

Me: “As a matter of fact, yes. You know, porn is not a reliable source for learning how to fuck, it can only get you so far. This isn’t happening Red.”  
Saeyoung: “Ok, we got it. She used the safe word.”

Saeran: “What if I get the lube?”

Me: “You can’t be serious.”

Saeyoung: “I think he is, look at him.”

Me: “Jesus fucking Christ you look like a hungry wet puppy, it’s cute, but...”

Saeran: “You know you want more.”

He leaned towards me, pointing his cock between my thighs.

Me: “No penetration. You can thrust between my thighs and I’ll give you a hand job.”

They smiled in agreement. I grabbed hold of Saeyoung’s erection and started to stroke him while Saeran positioned himself to stroke his cock with my inner thighs. I couldn’t believe what I was doing but I couldn’t believe what had happened earlier either. Somehow this seemed more normal. When Saeran was going to cum he pushed his dick towards my entrance and let the tip pour his semen inside of me.

Me: “What are you doing?” I asked him annoyed.

Saeran: “Now you’re lubed.”

He pushed his dick in and I gripped Saeyoung’s cock while I moaned, he was close to cum and reached his climax, spilling his milk over my abdomen. He quickly washed me.

Saeran: “You’re slick now.”

Saeyoung: “Let’s see.”

I was facing Saeyoung and Saeran was behind me, so Saeyoung attempted to stick himself in the same hole, since they did it before it wasn’t that difficult but it still hurt. He managed to slip in and they were both pounding me again, I could barely feel my legs, I told them to hold me or else I was going to fall so they sandwiched me, they were both so close against my body I couldn’t move, Saeran reached his arm between my thighs and started to rub my nub, I shuddered all over and cried in ecstasy. They thrust harder and I whimpered, Saeyoung silenced me with a kiss, locking lips and melding tongues until I felt my body spasm. My legs got limp and he held me together until they were done. Saeran washed me, he was closest to the shower and then sat me on the toilet seat while Saeyoung finished showering. They carried me to the room and Saeyoung got me some underwear and pajamas. I got dressed, then they took me to Saeran’s room to lie on the bed, my sheets were still washing. I curled up with the blanket and waited for them. I was grateful when Saeran brought a pitcher of water. I probably drank a whole liter.

They each settled next to me. I started to laugh and they stared at me.

Saeyoung: “What’s so funny?”

Me: “Sorry, I just tend to laugh during awkward moments. I don’t know what kind of reaction to have right now so uhhh yeah, this is crazy.”

Saeran: “We’re all crazy.”

Laughter ensued. It was truly surreal. Words can’t describe the bizarre feeling I had at that moment.

Saeyoung: “You’re really something. Sweet like candy, dirty like a whore.”

Me: “Yup, you’re not too bad yourself, under the quirky 707 lies a sadistic beast. I’m kinda glad though, don’t know what I’d do if you’d been plain and boring, I only like vanilla ice cream, not sex.”

They guffawed and I joined in.

Saeyoung: “Imagine what sex with Yoosung would’ve been like.”

Me: “I dunno, I’d probably have to show him a diagram to demonstrate where to put it and how it works.”

Saeyoung: “Probably nosebleeds before taking off your underwear.”

Me: “Faints if he sees my breasts.”

Saeran: “That’s fucked up, he’s just ignorant. We all learn somehow.”

Me: “How sweet of you to defend your friend. But yeah you’re right, he just isn’t my taste, I don’t have the patience to play teacher.”

Saeyoung: “Well, who knows. Maybe Yoosung is a bigger pervert than all of us and just doesn’t know it yet.”

We all burst into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To explain how a diary entry can be so long is simple, she doesn't write it all in one sitting. She writes while she's at the office between breaks, all of the chapters are written taking this into consideration. The longer ones take a few work days for her to finish.


	11. Ménage à trois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everything that's happened, there hasn't been a moment to address what's really going on. After Zen's visit to the Choi household, a few worries start to boil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this fic I had no idea where it was going, honestly, I still don't know where it's headed, but one thing is for sure is that threesomes happened and won't stop, if that's not your thing, you can stop reading the series. If you DO appreciate the smut and Choi sandwiches then by all means, subscribe to updates, because there's more smut on the way by the looks of things. 
> 
> The graphic version of Mystic Diary is updated every week on my [tumblr](https://myimaginaryboyfriends.tumblr.com/post/157058991053/mystic-diary-masterpost). It's just images with the text in a handwritten font for that diary feel.

Dear diary,

It’s a good thing that the weather is getting colder so I can wear clothes that cover me up when I go to work without rousing any suspicion. The twins have been leaving marks on my body. I don’t chastise them because it’s fun in the moment and I think they enjoy admiring their handiwork, but I have to make an effort to cover up when I leave the house. When it was just the shoulders I could handle that but now it’s the neck and thighs as well, my butt too but nobody else sees that. I went shopping for turtlenecks today to have a few different styles. I felt a little embarrassed when Zen stopped by the house yesterday on his way to rehearsal. He wanted to drop off the tickets for his play and he saw the marks I had on my visible skin, I was wearing a tank top, I’d forgotten to put on a hoodie or something to cover the damage. I’ll never forget his shocked face as he stared in horror and wanted to bust inside and yell at Saeyoung. I told him to calm down.

Zen: “But, look at what he did to you! I knew he was a beast, that savage practically chewed you up. Oh my god, does it hurt?”

Me: “I’m fine Zen, really. It’s not as painful as it looks.”

Zen: “That sadist, I’m going to tell him a few things on how to treat a lady right. Bastard, just what does he think he is? Preying on the innocent.”

Me: “Thank you for caring about my non-existent virtue, I’m not a precious lamb being eaten by a wolf, I’m just as much of a sadist as he is, don’t worry about me. I know how to take care of myself.”

Zen: “Sheesh, you guys are… I don’t even wanna… I gotta go to rehearsal. Just take care of yourself, okay? Call me if you need anything.”

Me: “Alright, thanks! Break a leg.”

Yeah, it was really awkward. I went inside snickering and Saeyoung saw me.

Saeyoung: “Zen making jokes again?”

Me: “He saw these.” I pointed to my marks.

Saeyoung: “What did he say?” He looked amused.

Me: “He called you a beast, savage that chewed me up, a sadist, bastard, he’s going to tell you how to treat a lady right, what do you think you are, preying on the innocent.”

Saeyoung: “Heh, You. Innocent. Lol. What did you tell him?”

Me: “I told him I was fine, I know how to take care of myself, that it’s not as painful as it looks, and thanked him for caring about my non-existent virtue, and I blurted out that I’m just as much of a sadist as you are.”

Saeyoung: “You outed yourself? That’s impressive.”

Me: “You should’ve seen the look of horror on his face.”

Saeyoung: “Why didn’t you wear something to cover yourself?”

Me: “I forgot! I only cover up when I go outside, not when I’m home.”

Saeran: “She has a point.”

Me: “Jesus fucking Christ Saeran, how long you been standing there?”

Saeran: “Since you were explaining what you told Zen.”

Me: “God, things just keep getting complicated.”

Saeyoung: “Imagine explaining the marks aren’t just mine.”

Me: “I don’t even want to think about that.”

Saeran: “How would you explain that?”

Me: “Got drunk and had a threesome with 2 depraved men? That sounds like too many details that nobody needs to hear. Only people that should know about my sex life are the people I’m fucking.”

Saeyoung: “You told Zen you’re a sadist.”

Me: “He was absolutely shocked by the way I looked, what’s visible anyway ‘cause we all know there’s more damage. It fucking slipped ok? Besides it’s not like it was a secret, what I said was just a confirmation, and what’s on my skin is undeniable proof.”

Saeran: “Calm down.”

Me: “Make me.”

Saeyoung: “Honey, who cares what Zen thinks? You’re beautiful, marks and all. He’s not the one that gets to see you naked. Want another one?”

Me: “No. Just remind me to go shopping for turtlenecks.”

Saeyoung: “Alright. You could just wear my hoodie though.”

Me: “That’s not proper office attire.”

Saeyoung: “Guess not. Summer is over, you’ll be fine.”

Saeran: “You can start wearing pants again.”

Me: “Shut up.”

I went to the refrigerator to grab a beer and sat on the sofa. They sat next to me.

Saeyoung: “Everything is going to be fine.”

Me: “I really want to believe that.”

I drank my beer in gulps, exhaled and leaned towards Saeyoung. He knew I had PMS, I’m more emotional and cranky.

Saeran: “I’d check the chat if I were you.”

Saeyoung took out his phone and I watched along with him.

[Zen entered the chatroom]

Zen: Saeyoung, you bastard. You’re a savage for ruining her skin like that.

Yoosung: Hey Zen, what are you talking about?

Zen: I went to their house to drop off the tickets for the play and her neck and shoulders were covered in bite marks and bruises.

Yoosung: [surprised emoji]

Zen: [angry emoji]

Zen: Saeran, tell your brother he needs to control his beast.

Saeran: I don’t think that’s any of your business Zen.

Zen: [depressed emoji]

Zen: It’s not right! She said it was fine but that doesn’t look fine to me.

Saeran: They’re adults, what they do in the privacy of their home doesn’t concern you.

Zen: You live with them, are you sure it’s not abuse?

Saeran: I’m pretty sure it’s consensual.

Yoosung: [surprised emoji]

Zen: [depressed emoji]

[Saeyoung entered the chatroom]

Saeyoung: Hiya.

Zen: You bastard.

Saeyoung: Nice to see you too. Thanks for the tickets.

Zen: You’re welcome but that’s not what I want to talk to you about.

Saeyoung: I heard you turned down a role because the play had a cat.

Zen: What the hell did you do to her? You mutilated her, monster.

Yoosung: Zen, calm down, Saeran said it was consensual.

Zen: Who the hell consents to be chewed up like that? And the bruises, oh god, it was awful.

Yoosung: Was it really that bad?

Saeran: No, he’s just exaggerating because he’s probably imagining the blemishes on his skin and pretty boy here is Narcissus himself.

Zen: I’m not exaggerating, she looked like she got into a dog fight.

Yoosung: Is she okay?

Saeran: She’s fine.

Zen: Explain yourself Saeyoung.

Saeyoung: Mmmmm, I don’t have to explain anything to you, as far as I know, she’s MY fiancée, not yours.

Zen: Don’t give me that shit. God, Jumin said you’re a sadist, this just proves him right.

Yoosung: Zen, I know you’re worried about her but maybe you’re overreacting.

Zen: You didn’t see her!! It was awful, god, control your beast Saeyoung.

Saeyoung: I think she likes it just fine.

Yoosung: [surprised emoji]

Zen: [depressed emoji]

Zen: You’re both twisted. I have to go, the director’s calling me.

Saeyoung: She’s fine Zen, she’s curled up right beside me.

Saeran: She says good luck.

Zen: Yeah, thanks. Not sure I can get the image of her screwed up skin out of my head.

Saeyoung: I can send you a picture of me in a maid outfit, will that help?

Zen: Stop fucking around, you’re supposed to protect her, not hurt her.

Zen: Gotta go. Bye.

[Zen left the chatroom]

Yoosung: Is she really ok?

Saeran: Yeah, she’s fine.

Yoosung: Well, I hope her skin clears up soon.

Saeran: It will.

Yoosung: I don’t think I want to know what happened.

Saeran: It’s best not to ask.

Yoosung: Is she coming to the chat?

Saeran: Probably later.

Yoosung: Ok, well, I’m gonna go study for my test tomorrow.

Saeran: kk

Saeyoung: Study hard and you can graduate in a year and a half like me.

Yoosung: I’m not a genius like you, that’s not normal.

Saeyoung: Ah well, try your best. See ya!

Yoosung: Yeah, see ya!

They left the chat room and I had finished my beer.

Saeyoung: “Feeling better?”

Me: “A little.”

Saeran: “He acts like an overprotective boyfriend.”

Me: “He’s a boy and he’s a friend, but he’s not my boyfriend. He’s just really caring and devoted, he considers all his friends as family so he acts like an overbearing brother sometimes. That’s how I see him, like a sibling.”

Saeyoung: “I know he means well. I’m not worried.”

Saeran: “Why did you fall for my brother and not Zen?”

Me: “I guess because his vanity reminded me of my ex and I really didn’t want to date another narcissist, especially a celebrity. I don’t like that kind of attention. I prefer to keep to myself, dating an actor means being exposed to the media and public, I like to be behind the scenes.”

Saeran: “What about Jumin?”

Me: “Eh, Jumin… I dunno. Too pompous. I have nothing to relate with him. Besides wine and cats, I doubt we have anything in common and he’s also a high profile bachelor. He’s pretty out there, he grew up in such a different environment. He’s tall, rich, and handsome but those things aren’t important to me, I’d rather have someone that makes me laugh, and that’s what your brother does best.”

Saeyoung: “You make me laugh too. I love you.”

Me: “May the blessings of God Seven shine upon me.”

He smiled and leaned down to kiss me.

Saeran: “You already explained Yoosung. What about Jaehee?”

Me: “Hmmm, I doubt I could be into someone like her. I’ve never really dated a girl before but since she’s a hardcore Zen fan I don’t think we have a lot in common besides coffee and work. I hate musicals and she seems uptight and prudish. I only see her as a colleague. Besides, I don’t think she leaves space for a personal life, then again, neither did your brother.”

Saeran: “How many boyfriends have you had?”

Me: “3.”

Saeran: “Did you have sex with all of them?”

Me: “Just 2.”

Saeran: “How many people have you had sex with?”

Me: “What’s with all these questions?”

Saeran: Don’t answer with a question.

Me: Let me think… 6 males, 2 females.”

Saeyoung: “I thought you said you’ve never dated a girl.”

Me: “Never really dated, they were friends, we were drunk.”

Saeran: “Figures.”

Saeyoung: “So you’ve been in a threesome before?”

Me: “Not with 2 men at the same time.”

Saeran: “You were with a guy and another girl?”

Me: “Yeah and with 2 girls.”

Saeyoung: “And Zen thinks you’re innocent. Hilarious.”

Me: “This is classified information. Handle it with care.”

Saeyoung: “Yes, Commander.”

Me: “I’m serious.”

Saeran: “You’re a really strange person.”

Me: “Well, you’re not the poster boy for Normal.”

Saeran: “Point taken.”

Me: “Besides, I think you already knew that when you found me.”

Saeran: “The more you open your mouth, the stranger it gets.”

Me: “Oh, ha ha. I’m gonna grab another beer.”

Saeran: “For more drunk sex?”

Me: “No. I just want to relax and be a lazy piece of shit for a while.”

Saeyoung: “Leave her alone.”

Saeran: “Fine.”

I chugged my beer in the kitchen and went back to the sofa with a glass of water.

Saeyoung: “I thought you were getting a beer.”

Me: “I did, I drank it.”

Saeran: “You’re a fast one.”

Me: “You’d know wouldn’t you?”

Saeyoung: “Pretty slick.”

Saeran: “Very tight.”

Me: “Enough.”

Saeran leaned on me and put his face close to mine and said “Make me.”

Me: “Can I just have a lazy weekend and enjoy my shows? Please?”

Saeran: “Fine.” he sat back again.

My phone rang, I’d left it on the table and got up to answer. It was Jumin, I took a deep breath and answered. It was a short call, he read the chat and wanted to make sure I was ok, I told him I was fine and that I’d be at the RFA office on Monday. He seemed pleased enough and hung up.

Saeyoung: “What did he say?”

Me: “He asked me if I was safe, if I needed to stay elsewhere and put a restraining order on you, he felt responsible for my safety as an RFA member and wanted to make sure I was really fine.”

Saeyoung: “Jumin and his restraining orders, that’s the only reason I’m not allowed near his penthouse. I miss Elly.”

Me: “That and his horde of bodyguards.”

Saeyoung: “Are you going to put a restraining order on me?”

Me: “Of course not. I should just restrain Saeran and punish him for sucking my blood. Dammit, they must think we’re animals.”

Saeran: “There’s an idea…”

Saeyoung: “Technically we are, just a little more wild than average.”

Me: “Yeah but nobody else needs to know the shenanigans that happen in this house. What have I done?”

Saeyoung: “The question should be, What haven’t you done?”

Me: “Don’t tease me right now.”

Saeyoung: “Sit with us. Who cares what they think? Are you happy?”

Me: “Yes.”

Saeyoung: “Then nothing else matters.”

I put my phone down and stomped towards the sofa. I curled up with the blanket between them.

Saeyoung: “Stop worrying.”

Me: “It’s just that I’ve been thinking about our trip. At first I was worried about Saeran because I still felt wary around him. Now I’m concerned because we get along too well. I don’t know what to say if my sister asks me if I have 2 boyfriends. Not sure I can pull off lying to her face and I don’t know if I want to be completely honest either.”

Saeyoung: “The thought has crossed my mind.”

Me: “And?”

Saeyoung: “I think we can act like a family, I’m your fiancée, he’s my brother, and we all get along. You said it yourself that nobody needs to know about what happens in this house. It holds plenty of secrets, it can hold one more. It’s your decision how much you want to tell them, they’re your family, I trust you’ll make the decision you think is best.”

I pulled Saeran closer to me, pressing his face close to mine.

Me: “With all the fucking and watching movies we haven’t taken a moment to address our relationship.”

Saeran: “What is there to talk about?”

Me: “I care for you deeply Saeran, and have grown to love you.”

Saeyoung: “Sharing is caring, right?”

Me: “Goddammit, that’s not what I had in mind when I first said it.”

Saeyoung: “Maybe not but it’s what brought us together anyway.”

I gently placed my hand on Saeran’s cheek and slowly moved it towards his hair to twirl it with my fingers.

Me: “Do you love me back?”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The room was silent.

Saeran: “Yes.” he whispered.

Saeyoung: “Did he say Yes?”

I nodded and Saeran hid his face on my chest. I pat his head lightly and kept twirling his hair, he shifted his weight off me and looked at my face.

Saeran: “Does that make me your boyfriend?”

Me: “I guess it does. Weird isn’t it?”

Saeyoung: “You’re still going to marry me right? Because I love my brother but I’m certain it’s illegal for me to marry him.”

Me: “Of course, silly.”

Saeran: “Idiot.”

We all laughed. And that’s when our ménage à trois became official.

Saeyoung: “I guess we failed at being normal.”

Me: “We were never normal, look at how we met.”

Saeran: “Good point.”

Saeyoung: “Everything has been crazy.”

Me: “Yup, we’re riding our own crazy train.”

Saeyoung: “And I’m riding that caboose.”

Me: “Not right now you’re not.”

Saeyoung: “Later then?”

Me: “I’d like to have the energy to go to work tomorrow. I already told Jumin I’d be there, he might call the police if I don’t show up.”

Saeyoung: “I doubt he’ll call the cops, they can’t reach the front door.”

Me: “Let’s avoid unnecessary situations. I’m all sexed out. I just want to relax. Give me a break to recover.”

Saeyoung: “Alright. Do you want another beer?”

Me: “Yes please.”

He went to the kitchen and Saeran turned away from me.

Saeran: “I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”

Me: “I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to date or flirt like normal people do. Then again, I don’t know much about normal dating or socializing in general.”

Saeyoung brought me the beer and sat next to me, Saeran scooched over to the side and I sat straight to hold my beer and drink it.

Me: “How would you guys date?”

Saeyoung: “Like, before I met you? I wouldn’t have tried. Or hypothetical?”

Me: “Hypothetical.”

Saeyoung: “I dunno. Use my 707 charm? Spam with memes, hope they laugh., I’m pretty terrible at flirting, I don’t even know why you like me.”

Me: “I don’t know why I bothered asking.”

Saeyoung: “It’s an interesting idea. How would you flirt, brother?”

Saeran: “I wouldn’t. I’d just be the silent and mysterious guy.”

Me: “Yeah, that would work. You’re hot, so you’ve got that going.”

Saeran: “Worked for you.”

Me: “I uhh, haha, wasn’t talking about me but sure.”

Saeyoung: “You fell for my jokes, so our flirting isn’t so bad.”

Me: “I’m not a great example of what a normal person likes though.”

Saeyoung: “And why would I want a normal person?”

Me: “Alright, just forget it.”

Saeyoung: “How did this conversation happen?”

Me: “Oh, Saeran told me he’d never had a girlfriend before and I said I was sorry he didn’t get a chance at proper dating.”

Saeyoung: “Me neither. What’s proper dating anyway these days when people use apps to hook up? That’s technically how we met.”

Me: “True. Oh well.”

I chugged my beer, put the can on the floor and burped.

Me: “Can you press play?”

Saeyoung: “It’s a good thing I’m not particular with gender roles.”

Saeran: “Because she acts like a man sometimes?”

Me: “I’m a wo-MAN so anything a man can do I can do it too, except maybe pee standing up, I’ve tried and it’s messy.”

Saeran: “Let me guess, you were drunk.”

Me: “Precisely, I was at a club and the line to the bathrooms were super long and beer makes you want to pee more often than hard liquor, anyway, my friend suggested we pee outside by the dumpster. I was wearing a skirt and had napkins in my purse so I thought it was a good idea. It wasn’t a good idea.”

Saeyoung: “Did you pee yourself?” he snickered.

Me: “A little, yeah. Had to splash my legs with a water bottle.”

Saeran: “How many drunk stories do you have?”

Me: “Plenty, I remember them when something triggers the flashback, but I’m like that with everything. I’ve been drunk a lot so I have stories about those times unless nothing happened or I blacked out.”

Saeyoung: “You’ve blacked out before?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s how I found out my limit to certain liquors. First time I ever got drunk I blacked out, woke up in bed next to my own vomit. Sadly, that wouldn’t be the only time for that to ever happen to me.”

Saeyoung: “You’ve made a lot of poor life choices.”

Me: “Maybe, but you were the best Choi-ce of them all, not one but 2 red hot Choi-ces.”

I put my arms around their necks to pull them close to me.

Saeyoung: “God, you’re terrible.”

Saeran; “It’s cute though.”

They both kissed a cheek and I blushed.

Saeyoung: “Awww, she’s blushing.”

Saeran: “It’s not because she’s drunk?”

Me: “I’m not drunk, I’m a little buzzed. I just didn’t expect that and I uh….”

Saeyoung: “It’s ok, you don’t have to explain, do you want another one?”

I nodded and they both leaned in to kiss my cheeks. I closed my eyes and got goosebumps, a smile spread across my face. When I opened them they were staring at me, Saeyoung in amusement and Saeran in wonder, I lifted the blanket and hid my face making whiny noises.

Saeyoung: “So cute! Why are you hiding? Want to play hide and seek?”

Me: “No.”

Saeran: “What’s wrong with her?”

Saeyoung: “She’s being bashful.”

They started to tickle me from the sides and I burst out laughing, knocking the beer can and throwing the blanket up.

“Stop it, please, aaayyyyy, noooooo, it tiiiickles, stoooop.” I cried.

They kept tickling, I was laughing so hard and they had fun teasing me until I threatened to pee on them, then they stopped. I ran to the bathroom to get away from them and relieve myself. When I got back they were both grinning.

Me: “Don’t you dare tickle me again.”

Saeyoung: “We won’t, sit down.”

I sat back down and curled up between them and they cradled me.

Saeyoung: “You’re really cute sometimes.”

Me: “Can’t be a succubus every day, it’s exhausting.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, it’s been a pretty sinful week. I should probably get on my knees and repent to the Lord since it’s Sunday.”

Me: “Why do I find that sexy?”

Saeran: “Cause you’re a sacrilegious woman.”

Saeyoung: “Impious.”

Saeran: “Profane.”

Saeyoung: “Libertine.”

Saeran: “Risqué.”

Me: “Lewd and obscene, you can stop ganging up on me.”

Saeran: “Isn’t that what you like?”

My face flushed and I groaned, hiding my face under the sheet again.”

Saeran: “There’s no point in hiding.”

Me: “Before it was only Saeyoung teasing me and now it’s the 2 of you.”

Saeyoung: “You make it too easy. Besides, you’re not really offended.”

Me: “No, just slightly humiliated.”

Saeran: “Oh, so you DO have some shame.”

I peeked from under the covers and he was glaring at me, when I was going to hide my face again he stopped me with his hands and froze me with his icy stare. His face quickly softened and he pecked my nose.

Saeran: “You don’t need to shy away.”

Saeyoung: “At this point nothing you do can surprise us.”

Me: “Is that a challenge?”

Saeyoung: “No, I meant it considering everything that’s happened.”

Saeran: “It just means we love you, all of you.”

Saeyoung: “Sins and everything.”

Me: “I love all of you too.”

They chuckled. I inched forward to kiss Saeran on his cheek and turned my head to kiss Saeyoung’s as well. They held me tight and Saeyoung started to purr like a cat so I meowed and started to purr as well, we stopped and giggled when Saeran shot us a death stare, he pressed play and we watched TV until we fell asleep. At some point during the night they carried me to the bed since I woke up in our room with 2 mops of red hair at each side. It warmed my heart to watch them sleeping. It was odd at first having Saeran sleep with us, it felt more intimate than having sex, especially in Saeyoung’s bed, but it’s the most peaceful sleep I’ve had in years, it felt natural. He still has his room, we use them interchangeably. I kissed the twins goodbye this morning and got ready for work.

I have to remind myself to buy more sheets, I should’ve got some when I bought clothes, but the turtlenecks were a higher priority and I’m grateful that Jumin and Jaehee aren’t nosy enough to ask for evidence to support Zen’s claims. I don’t know what else to say to him about it. He’ll calm down eventually. For now I’m just excited I finally get to go home to a cooked meal. Saeran texted me earlier that he was making dinner and I am ecstatic to see my wonderful twins.


	12. Liaison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The relationship progresses and Saeran's jealousy becomes evident. It's only a matter of time before the RFA finds out about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut involving a strap-on and cross dressing. You've been warned.

Dear diary,

It’s been a really fun and crazy week. I’ve been going home early so I haven’t had time to write. Saeran has been teaching Saeyoung how to cook so it’s been a while since I last cooked and it’s great because I was on my period and those first days are uncomfortable to be standing in for a while, those boys are really thoughtful when they want to be. They asked me what my favorite foods are, including foreign dishes, so while I’m at work they’ve been looking up recipes and practicing in the kitchen. My nose almost bled when I got home one day and all they were wearing were aprons. Oh myyy, I practically dropped everything I was carrying and they came to the rescue and I was just in shock seeing them pick up my stuff while they were crouched on the floor, I looked away and took a deep breath and they started laughing. I could never get tired of their laugh, how it mingles and makes me happy. When I came back to my senses I grabbed them by the ass and led us all to the bathroom to shower together. Coming home from work after a long day really merits a good cleaning and it’s extra special when they take care of me. It’s like getting a full body massage with lather that usually ends in sex. Now we have lube next to the shampoo, heh, you’d think I’d be tired of Choi sandwich by now but I’m not, it’s not just sex anymore. We really do love each other and have bonded intimately in different ways, we do other things together besides sex. I’ve helped Saeyoung wash his cars, he thought it’d be fun for me if I wore a bikini.

Teaching Saeran how to make different dishes has been amusing, it’s nice to see him be so eager to learn, he’s not very patient and likes to ask a lot of questions, like a curious child but I’m very gentle and loving with him and his attitude reacts to my patient and caring persona. Our Chinese is almost as good as Saeyoung’s now thanks to our constant practicing, maybe the Kung fu movies really helped, we saw a few without captions and pretty much understood most of the dialogue. Our trip is coming up soon and I think we’re ready. I’m very nervous about my family meeting the twins. But I know that the important thing is for them to realize I’m happy, ‘cause they know I’ve been a miserable train wreck for years. When Yoosung came over to play LOLOL he took a picture of us at the table eating pizza and we looked so happy together, Saeran had the cutest smirk and his brother had the biggest grin, Yoosung commented on how Saeran looked a lot happier now and he shrugged, he was really impressed and thanked me for being so caring towards him. I told Yoosung that it hasn’t been easy but we’re all getting over the bad memories and told him to cheer up, I hoped Rika could find her peace too. He almost started crying when I mentioned her, instant regret mentioning her but inevitable I suppose, I gave him a hug and he calmed down.

He was the first person to visit us ever since the threeway relationship started. It felt odd, Yoosung is pretty oblivious to certain details and comments so it was easy for him to think Saeran and I just get along a lot better but it felt weird having him be my boyfriend.

He wasn’t kissing me or anything in front of Yoosung, I warned him beforehand that I wasn’t ready for public displays of affection, but his phrasing, the sarcasm, the things he said, ugh, god, I wanted to hit him, I’m so lucky Yoosung is such a cherry. They spent most of their time playing in his room so we mostly interacted in the kitchen and at the table. When Yoosung asked me about the marks that Zen saw I told him it was just hickeys and playful bites, that explained the visible dark bruising. He made an embarrassed face and got more flustered when Saeran mentioned I like it rough, Saeyoung made it worse by calling me a she-wolf, I had to tell them to shut up.

Me: “Guys, stop it. You’re making him uncomfortable and pissing me off simultaneously, there’s no need for him to know what we do in the privacy of our bedroom.”

Saeran: “Or shower.”

I glared at him and he had a mischievous grin spreading on his face. 

Yoosung: “I’m sorry I asked, I was just worried.”

Me: “It’s ok Yoosung, the damage wasn’t permanent, when you get a girlfriend maybe you’ll enjoy making marks on her, hickeys are fun.”

Yoosung: “Really? I never really thought about it.”

Saeyoung: “That’s because all you do is play LOLOL in your free time, maybe you should get out more, weren’t you in a club? Join another one with cute girls.”

Yoosung: “I haven’t found one I like yet to stick around in, I can try.”

Me: “I don’t think you’re qualified to give him advice, it’s not like you get out more and met me ‘cause we dated.”

Saeyoung: “But I already have you, he’s still looking.”

Yoosung: “Why don’t you join a club with me Saeran? Maybe we can meet cute girls.”

Saeran: “I’m not really interested.”

Yoosung: “In joining a club or girls?”

Saeran: “Meeting new people.”

Yoosung: “I guess it’s still hard for you to adapt.”

Me: “If he wants to go to college, it’s his decision, but I think he’s doing well for now. Don’t worry so much Yoosung.”

Saeran: “I’m fine, for the most part.”

Yoosung: “You look a lot better so that’s good, I’m sure it’s been hard for you, but you’re lucky to have a brother that loves you so much.”

Saeyoung: “Can’t take all the credit, I share that with my fiancée for being so caring and understanding.”

Saeran: “You share a lot more than that.”

I flashed him a warning look but Yoosung remained clueless. The rest of the conversation remained lighthearted and we said our goodbyes. I felt really anxious every time Saeran held my gaze with a knowing look. I sighed in relief once Yoosung was out the door.

Me: “You can’t do this in front of my family Saeran, they’re a lot more perceptive than Yoosung.”

Saeran: “You’re mine too.”

Me: “Nobody else needs to know that, please understand it’s just a privacy issue and not because I love you less.”

Saeran: “You’re ashamed of me.”

Me: “I’m marrying your brother, I can’t marry you both, I don’t want to explain this relationship because it’s none of their business. We all have secrets Saeran, do you want me to go around telling people you’ve killed before?”

Saeran: “That’s completely different.”

Me: “It’s still a secret. I can’t tell anyone anything about you two, the least you can do is not tell anyone we’re fucking.”

Saeyoung: “I know it’s tiring to keep all these secrets but I think it’s better this way. The less people know about us the safer it is.”

Saeran: “Some things never change. Heh.”

I walked up to him and caressed his face.

Me: “But some things DO change, I love you and I would never want to hurt you, you’re very special to me.”

I put my arms around him and kissed him, he responded with a passionate kiss and lifted me by the legs to carry me to our room. He was hungry for me, once I was on the bed he started to take off my clothes and undress himself, it all happened so fast I was in a daze when I felt him licking my folds, entering me with his tongue so forcefully I gasped and clutched the sheets. Saeyoung stood by the doorway to watch.

Just when I was getting ready to climax Saeran stopped and got on top of me, once he positioned himself and I bent my knees outwards he pushed himself in, when I glanced at the door, Saeyoung was gone. He didn’t join us, it was the first time I was with Saeran without him watching us. I wasn’t sure if I had to worry. Saeran saw I was thinking too hard, my mind wandering off and not really concentrating on what we were doing, so he held my chin forcefully, telling me to look at him, I stared into his mint green eyes and whispered his name. He thrust harder and said “I saw you first, you were mine!” he shouted as he dug deeper into me, he put his hand on my throat and started to choke me as he spoke “I had big plans for you and he ruined everything.” I tried to take his hand off me but he had a strong hold of my neck, it was getting difficult to breathe so I lifted my hips higher and sideways to make him fall on his side, he let go of the choke hold but kept his balance and chuckled. He pulled out of me and put his face on top of mine. “Do you really love me? Or do you just like having two Saeyoungs fucking you?” he asked in a demanding tone. I held his gaze and answered “I really love you Saeran, you look like your brother because you’re twins but you’re not like him.” I put his hand over my chest where my heart was beating rapidly and said “You make my heart race, sometimes for the wrong reasons and other times because you truly stir my emotions.” He grazed the tip of his dick across my slit and started to wiggle it around, teasing me. “What kind of emotions do I stir in you?” he asked while he kept grazing me with his hard cock.

I took a deep breath and tried to think, he was staring in anticipation until I spoke “Love, compassion, trust, lust, joy, fear, worry, anger, happiness, all those things.” I tried to lift my head up but he put his hands over my shoulders to pin me down. “Do you love me enough to let me inside you without my brother here? Speak with the truth and not lust, I know you’re wet and want me to fill you but I want to know if it’s me you love and not just my dick.” he demanded an answer. I wanted to escape his gaze, I closed my eyes and spoke softly “I admit it was lust at first, it was fun and sexy but then I felt different, when we’d all fall asleep together I felt warm and happy, I’ve had loveless sex before and know the difference. Cooking and sharing meals together felt fun and not like a chore or necessity. That’s when I realized I had feelings for you. I love you Saeran, it’s hard to put in words.” He put his hand on my cheek and softened his face. “I’m not great with words either.” he whispered and gently slid himself inside me. I moaned his name and he thrust softly, taking his time and gently playing with my hair. He wanted to make love to me, he was being careful unlike his usual savage self. I moved my hips in tandem to his rhythm, it was so good, it was like the first time I had sex with him only now he knew my pleasure spots, what I liked, and he used every advantage he could. He lifted my torso to embrace me, I was sitting on his lap as he rocked me back and forth, I held him tight and whimpered in his ear “I love you Saeran, you complete me.” he moaned and thrust harder and I gasped as he reached my sweet spot.

“Make me yours." I whispered and he grabbed me by the ass to grind me harder on him until we both climaxed holding each other, out of breath, panting, dazed. He licked my lips and kissed me deeply, our tongues dancing as we felt each other’s skin glistening in sweat, my breasts pressing his chest, and our hair damp, mine getting everywhere. He broke the kiss to gasp for air.

Saeran: “I’m sorry for choking you earlier.”

Me: “I’d appreciate it if you don’t do it again. It doesn’t trigger any sexy memories. I like it rough but I’m not into that.”

Saeran: “I wasn’t thinking.”

Me: “I know, I uh, understand.”

Saeran: “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

Me: “You can tell me anything. If I made you feel bitter or doubtful for any reason just talk to me about it.”

Saeran: “I’m not so great at talking but I’ll try.”

Me: “Do you trust me?”

Saeran: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I hope you allow yourself to open up to me like I did with you.”

Saeran: “All in due time.”

Me: “This was a test wasn’t it?”

Saeran: “Yes.”

Me: “Whose idea?”

Saeran: “Mine.”

Me: “At this point, I’m not even surprised.”

Saeran: “You passed the test.”

Me: “Do I get a prize?”

Saeran: “What do you want?”

Me: “I want you to dress up as a butler and Saeyoung as a French Maid.”

Saeran: “Ugh, why? I don’t want to see him cross-dress.”

Me: “That’s what I want, and… uh, to have sex dressed up like that.”

Saeran: “God, you’re really twisted.”

Me: “Yes, we’ve already established that.”

He chuckled and called out to his brother. Eventually he showed up.

Saeyoung: “What’s up?”

Me: “I passed the test and for my prize I want you to dress up as a French Maid and Saeran as a butler.”

Saeyoung: “Really? Sounds like fun, when?”

Me: “Tonight.”

Saeyoung: “Alright, I’ll go shave.”

Saeran: “How can you be so eager to do this?”

Saeyoung: “Well, why not? It’s fun, funny, and I look sexy in a skirt.”

Saeran face-palmed himself and his brother chuckled, I laughed.

Me: “I love you Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t know why, but I’m glad you do.”

He walked into the room and sat on the bed next to me, leaned down and kissed me.

Saeyoung: “I love you too.”

Saeran: “Do you even have a butler costume?”

Me: “It’s in the closet.”

Saeyoung took a closer look at me and frowned, he touched my neck and asked me if I was okay. I told him that Saeran already apologized for choking me and that he wouldn’t do it again.

Saeran: “I wasn’t thinking.”

Saeyoung: “Clearly, this is why I didn’t want to leave her alone with you.”

Saeran: “She’s stronger than she looks, almost managed to topple me so I’d let her go.”

Saeyoung: “That’s impressive but you should be more careful, you’ve put her through enough danger.”

Me: “Honey, relax, I could handle it, Saeran has trust issues, it’s easier to show him I’m not afraid because I love him. Have some faith in your brother, he’s not an idiot.”

Saeran: “Do you really trust me?”

Me: “You make it difficult but yes, I don’t think you meant to harm me. If you talked about what you’re feeling beforehand you didn’t have to get so upset. I can enjoy angry sex now and then but ummm, you can be pretty scary, it’s a weird combination of sexy and frightening.”

Saeyoung: “I think you’re addicted to danger.”

Me: “I live with dangerous men, what am I supposed to do? Adapting to any situation is my only option. None of you mean to hurt me in a destructive manner or try to kill me, I already lived with someone that did.”

Saeran: “I would never be like that to you.”

Saeyoung: “Me neither, that bastard was a piece of trash that didn’t deserve you. You are meant to be happy.”

Me: “Then please get along, you guys still have issues to resolve, Saeran made it clear when he tried to choke me while blaming you for shit. I can’t be part of your sibling rivalry, I don’t want to be caught in the middle of it again because I’m not responsible for your past. There’s not much else I can do, talking things out between you is all that’s left.”

Saeran: “I’m sorry.”

Saeyoung: “Just what did you say to her?”

Saeran: “I said that I saw her first and was mine and that I had big plans for her and you ruined everything. I just felt like I wasn’t given a chance to make my own life and thought you were lucky.”

Saeyoung: “We both have that in common and I don’t consider myself lucky, it’s not like I was happy with my life choices. I lived a miserable existence with the hope that everything I did was for you to be happy and okay. The RFA was my way of paying off the debt I had with V for changing my life but we all know what happened and how that ended. You would’ve done anything for Rika, it was the same for me with V. The only lucky thing out of everything that happened was finding love.”

Me: “I think it’s important for the both of you to realize that none of you was better off than the other, you both suffered in your own way, and aren’t responsible for what happened. You were manipulated.”

Saeran: “When you put it that way it makes more sense.”

Saeyoung: “She’s sexy AND smart.”

Saeran: “Sharing is caring, right?”

Me: “If that’s our tag line, I don’t like it.”

Saeyoung: “Why not? We tag team. It fits.”

Me: “Weren’t you going to shave?”

Saeyoung: “We still dressing up?”

Me: “Yes and I have a surprise, so go get ready.”

Saeran: “I don’t think I wanna know.”

Me: “You’ll find out any way, so go, get dressed.”

Saeran: “Ugh, fine, give me the costume.”

Saeyoung: “What will YOU be wearing?”

Me: “A fancy monogrammed robe from Jumin’s tailor.”

Saeyoung: “How did I not know of this?”

Me: “I’m good at keeping secrets.”

He smirked and shook his head, kissed me on the cheek and went to the bathroom. I got up to get Saeran’s costume and he trailed me, smacked my ass when I was browsing through the clothes and I giggled.

Saeran: “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

Me: “I don’t want that either but we’ve come a long way, I’m sure things will get better, besides, maybe seeing you dressed as a butler might change my mental image of you.”

Saeran: “I’m willing to wear that if it means you won’t be afraid of me.”

I cupped his face and smiled then handed him the costume.

Saeran: “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Me: “You get the easy part, don’t worry.”

Saeran: “I guess, at least I don’t have to wear a skirt.”

Me: “That’s the spirit! Now get dressed, I’m gonna go get my robe.”

He groaned and started putting on the pants, I left the room to get my robe, I hid it in the trunk of my car along with my special gift, I thought it’d be a good idea to fuck Saeyoung so I had bought a strap-on. The idea intrigued me so I got it on my way home after work a few days ago, because it’s completely normal to think about butt-fucking my fiancée while I’m driving. The last time I’d gone to that sex shop was during my previous relationship, I was lucky to remember where it was, I didn’t want to risk Saeyoung finding out if I left traces on my browser history or phone. It would’ve spoiled the surprise. Men get really stimulated in anal sex so I figured I’d try something different considering he’d been with men before. I was tempted to research gay porn but I didn’t want anybody finding out since I never know when the twins might want to hack my phone or computer, just because I told them not to doesn’t mean they won’t, old habits die hard and all that. I put on the strap-on loosely so the cock would hang, that way it wasn’t visible with the robe on. I’ve used a dildo before but with my hands, I was a little excited to actually wear one and simulate fucking with a dick. I was grinning.

When I got to the living room Saeran was already in full butler costume. He looked incredibly sexy, my jaw dropped and I put a hand on my cheek.

Me: “Oh myyyyyy. You look really fucking sexy right now.”

Saeran: “I feel ridiculous.”

I walked towards him, placed a finger on his lips, and whispered in his ear.

Me: “Shhhhhh, this isn’t ridiculous, just think of it as a game.”

He cupped my face and stared into my eyes.

Saeran: “You play dangerous games.”

Me: “Well, it’s a lot more exciting than LOLOL.”

He chuckled and let go of me.

Saeran: “I suppose so, what do you want me to do?”

Me: “I’d tell you to strip right now and make me yours but that would cut the game short so I uhhh… hmmm… I can’t think right now, you’re ummm, quite the sight to behold. I suppose you should get in character and serve me something, yeah, that’s it, bring me a drink. There’s wine in the mini cellar.”

He eyed me curiously and smirked, did a little bow and walked towards the kitchen. I had to sit, I was swooning, my god, he looked terrific, and the way his butt looked in those pants, mmph, I bit my lip, and then Saeyoung walked in, my eyes widened in surprise as he made his entrance, announcing himself in French. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought a foreign woman in a skimpy maid outfit had entered the house. He wore his long blond wig and holy fuck, his makeup skills are great.

I should get him to do mine. I stared in awe for a minute and came to my senses when Saeran cleared his throat, he was handing me my wine.

Me: “Ah, thank you.”

Saeran: “You looked out of it.”

Saeyoung: “Did I dazzle you?”

Me: “You sure did, I’d only seen you cross-dress in pictures, this is something else, seeing it in person. You can pull off androgeny pretty well.”

Saeyoung: “Thanks, it started as a joke at the agency until I gave it a try and disguised myself as a woman, they didn’t recognize me and I almost got tasered by Vanderwood, when I took the wig off they thought I’d be a great asset for some missions, I rarely did field work but sometimes it was required to access information.”

Saeran: “Why couldn’t they use female agents?”

Saeyoung: “There were a few but none of them were skilled enough hackers, I did get to work with them on rare instances.”

Me: “I guess that’s what happens when you’re one of the best hackers in the country, your brother among them. I still think it’s unbelievable how I managed to live under the same roof with you 2.”

Saeran: “I don’t believe it either sometimes, especially now. Don’t think I wanted to know what a sister would look like.”

Saeyoung: “You look nice in a suit, should I wear suits more often?”

Me: “You’ll both be wearing suits for Zen’s opening night.”

Saeran: “Do we really have to go?”

Me: “I could just go with Jaehee but I’d love for you guys to go with me. It’ll be our first date together, in public.”

Saeran: “A date as in an actual date like couples do?”

Me: “Yeah, except there’s 3 of us.”

Saeyoung: “Are you sure about this?”

Me: “Yeah, I think I am. We have too many secrets and this one is of the less nefarious, I think it’s ok for our friends to know, it’s not like they’re going to die of shock and I doubt they’ll stop talking to us. I’ll explain to them what a polyamorous relationship means. Besides, I don’t really care what people think, all that matters is that we’re happy.”

Saeran leaned down to kiss me and stroked my hair lovingly.

Saeyoung: “I can go dressed as a woman and be your girlfriend.”

I chuckled, almost spitting my wine in the process.

Me: “Maybe some other time, I don’t think Zen could handle the shock.”

Saeyoung: “It’d be fun to see his reaction though, c’mon.”

Me: “No, but you can dress up for me, c’mere.”

I motioned for him to sit on my lap and when he did a gasp escaped his mouth. He looked at me questioningly.

Saeyoung: “And when did YOU grow a dick?”

I laughed and Saeran stared at me with a confused look. I put my arms over Saeyoung’s waist and embraced him.

Me: “I figured it’s my turn to fuck you. I want to stroke your legs, lift your skirt and plow you.”

Saeyoung: “Well well well, you’re just full of surprises. I uhhh, wasn’t expecting that. You really caught me off guard.”

Saeran: “I’m not even surprised.”

I let the empty glass of wine fall from my hand so it’d shatter on the floor, they both jumped at the sound of it breaking.

Saeyoung: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I want you to clean it up. Go get the dust pan and bend over to pick up the pieces and Saeran, get me another glass of wine.”

Saeyoung: “You’re really sexy when you’re dominant.”

Saeran: “Yeah it’s kind of hot.”

Me: “Hurry up or I’ll punish you both.”

Saeyoung: “Ooooh, is that a promise?”

Me: “Maybe you’d like to experience being choked with a hard cock in your throat as you’ve so wonderfully showed me.”

Saeyoung: “Mmmmm, not right now, non, pardonez moi madame.”

Me: “Alright then, get to work.”

I watched as Saeran served me a new glass of wine and Saeyoung went to get the dustpan, he strutted around the house humming some French tune. I got up carefully from the chair and was careful not to step on the glass as I made my way towards the sofa. I could get a wider view of the 2 of them from there. Saeran brought me my wine and I thanked him with a soft kiss on the lips and grabbed his butt cheek, he lifted an eyebrow and smirked. I let go and sighed then turned to look at my maid.

Panties in the air, he was on his knees, wiggling his butt. I started to giggle, it was really something, I didn’t know I’d get so turned on. When he finished cleaning he came up to me.

Saeyoung: “Qu’est que vous voulez madame?”

Me: “I want you to clean my wet mess with your tongue.”

I lied down on the sofa and opened my robe, revealing my naked body. I took off the strap-on and put it on the coffee table. I opened my legs for Saeyoung and my mouth for Saeran. I tugged on Saeran’s pants and once he was closer to me I undid the button and zipper so he could take them off, he didn’t bother putting on underwear which made things faster, I grabbed his butt to direct him closer to me, I decided to sort of sit and lean on the arm rest, Saeyoung got himself comfortable and started licking my thighs, I shuddered, Saeran wasn’t very hard so I opened my mouth wide and kinda swallowed his dick to suck on it, he gasped and opened his eyes really wide. I licked his tip and started to feel him get wider, Saeyoung started to suck on my clit and I moaned, making Saeran get harder, once I couldn’t fit him comfortably in my mouth I licked the whole shaft and sucked on the tip, holding his gaze. Saeyoung pushed his tongue inside of me and I felt my legs get weak, I kept sucking Saeran while his brother licked my folds and tongue fucked me. Saeran held my head and shoved himself deeper, I’d grown accustomed to him doing that so I didn’t gag, I think he was surprised when I started to deep throat him.

Saeran: “You really are full of surprises.”

I couldn’t really answer so I winked at him and he smirked. I turned my face a bit to look at Saeyoung, I was close to climax and he knew by the way I was moving my hips, he licked my clit and slipped 3 fingers inside me, making me twitch and moan until I cummed, then Saeran pulled out and cummed on my face.

Me: “You’re going to have to clean that now.”

Saeran: “It looks nice on you.”

Me: “I highly doubt that. Go get something to clean me with.”

He did a little bow and went to the kitchen, he still had the shirt and vest on so it was a sexy sight seeing him walk around bottomless. I turned my attention to Saeyoung motioning for him to sit down. I sat on his lap facing him, gently stroking his wig, face, neck, shoulders, chest, belly, and thighs. Saeran came up to wipe my face clean and left to throw away the wet paper towel, when he got back he removed my robe and started to kiss my neck and shoulders. I placed my hands under Saeyoung’s skirt and grazed my fingers over his bulge, he was so hard. I pulled on his panties and lowered them, his hard cock making a tent under the skirt. Saeran bit me and I whimpered, it wasn’t hard enough to break the flesh but I knew that would come soon. I lifted Saeyoung’s skirt and grabbed hold of his throbbing hard cock, Saeran lifted me a little to get inside me, he then lowered me and I guided Saeyoung’s dick to the same hole, I was so wet it wasn’t painful fitting them in, it’s always a little uncomfortable at first but we’ve done this enough times, they know what NOT to do.

I haven’t needed to use the safe word up to this point but I’ve refused sex so I can rest when they’ve been too rough or prolonged. Sometimes I’m just too tired and not in the mood. Having sex with 1 person is tiring enough, it’s double when there’s 2. 1 on 1 sex is not the norm anymore. I’m pretty sure it’s because Saeran feels jealous of his brother. I haven’t had sex with Saeyoung alone since the threesomes started. I hope that by showing Saeran that he’s really my boyfriend I can get a chance to love them individually. I’m not tired of the Choi sandwiches but it’d be nice to enjoy time with just 1 of them. A little vanilla sex might be good every now and then because what we usually do is anything but vanilla. There I was, getting my pussy pounded by the 2 of them, Saeran finished taking off his clothes and he was crouching over my back, biting me harder and sucking on the blood while I cried, he then pulled out and started to push his dick up my ass, I winced and threw my head towards Saeyoung’s shoulder. I bit into him as Saeran slowly made his way upwards, I groaned and so did Saeyoung, his thrusts getting faster, then Saeran started to thrust, finding his rhythm and I let myself be rocked by them. Saeran grabbed me by the breasts and squeezed them tightly, leaning down to bite my shoulder, piercing the flesh, I threw my head back and whined his name, he squeezed my breasts harder and Saeyoung licked my nipples, I reached my climax and lost my energy but they held me until they orgasmed a minute later or so, my head was swimming, from the pain and pleasure. I leaned on Saeyoung for support and he held me in his arms.

Saeyoung: “You okay?”

Me: “Yeah, just need to catch my breath.”

Saeran: “Do you want water?”

Me: “Yes please, thank you.”

Saeyoung licked where Saeran had bit me and I moaned.

Me: “Is it still bleeding?”

Saeyoung: “A little, you taste sweeter than usual.”

Me: “Oh, I uh changed my diet when I’m at work.”

Saeran handed me the water.

Saeyoung: “What have you been eating?”

Me: “Mostly fruit or veggie salads, yogurt, just avoiding meat and processed foods basically, I found a fruit stand near the office that sells fresh coconut water, fruits, vegetables, they make smoothies, juices, and salads. It’s really great, it’s supposed to be good for the skin and organs.”

Saeran: “No wonder you taste different.”

Me: “I didn’t really expect for you to notice so thanks for telling me.”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t think you could get any sweeter.”

I felt my cheeks get warm and I sipped my water.

Me: “I didn’t think you could look so beautiful. I’m having a lesbian moment.”

Saeyoung: “You think I’m pretty?”

Me: “Gorgeous. You’d make a beautiful bride.”

I handed Saeran the empty glass and slid myself off Saeyoung’s lap to put on my robe and sit on the couch.

Saeyoung: “I think your face is too feminine to pass for a boy but I could try to dress you up as a man if you want.”

Me: “Sure, that sounds like fun.”

Saeran: “I can’t believe you two.”

Me: “Go get the lube, please.”

Saeran: “What for?”

Me: “For your brother.”

I pointed towards the strap-on on the coffee table and he shook his head.

Saeran: “Fine, anything else?”

Me: “Never mind, let’s just go to the bedroom.”

I stood up and grabbed the strap-on, Saeyoung followed while I heard Saeran mumble something. He went into the bathroom and joined us afterwards. I was on top of Saeyoung on the bed making out with him while tenderly removing his clothes, he was the only one left that was still mostly dressed. I asked him to get face down and he willingly obeyed, he seemed curious and excited. I took the lube from Saeran’s hand and coated the fingers of my right hand. I lied down next to him to stroke his cock while I touched his butt, slowly trying to work my index finger in, Saeran decided to try the same with me, we had already done anal so it was easier for him to open me up, while I was working my way with 2 fingers, Saeran had 3 in me and he was stroking himself to get harder. I let go of Saeyoung’s dick and got up to put on the dildo, covering it with lube. I got behind him, took a deep breath and spread open his cheeks.

Me: “Let me know if you want me to stop, ok?”

Saeyoung: “Do I get a safe word?”

Me: “Sure.”

Saeyoung: “Zero.”

Me: “Alright.”

I held his erection with one hand and slowly grazed the lubricated dildo in his butthole. I stroked his length tenderly while I tried to enter him, I had to rely on my sight since I was just using a piece of plastic, I was nervous and scared, I didn’t want to hurt him. Saeran got behind me and kissed my neck, he could feel my tension.

Saeran: “Just breathe.”

I calmed down and breathed slowly, apparently I had forgotten to breathe. I could see the dildo going in deeper and Saeyoung wasn’t flinching, that was a good sign. Saeran put his arms around me and dipped his dick up my pussy, I whimpered and let him hold on to me, I gripped Saeyoung’s cock and kept stroking him, I started to thrust my hips forward, slowly at first, gauging his reaction. Saeran started to pound me faster so I picked up my pace as well with his momentum. It was a bizarre experience but about halfway into the action, I got really into it and it was fun, all fears gone. I felt ecstatic when I heard Saeyoung moan for me, it was really sexy. Saeran cummed inside me but kept thrusting, Saeyoung let me know when he was going to cum so I could my put hand over his dick, I cupped the tip and caught the semen, I stopped thrusting and Saeran pulled out.

I put my fingers in my vagina to lubricate my hand and cover the dildo with it, I pulled back a bit to coat it and pushed back in slowly, and lubricated it again, until I pulled out completely.

I took off the strap-on and lied down next to Saeyoung, he shifted to face me and Saeran lied down next to me. We were all tired.

Me: “Fucking is exhausting, I’m glad I don’t have work tomorrow.”

Saeyoung: “You were amazing. Even when you’re being dominant you’re sweet and thoughtful.”

Me: “I just tried to do what I’d like but I was nervous, I’ve used a dildo before but never worn one, it’s a different sensation.”

Saeran: “On yourself or on someone?”

Me: “On someone, a girl.”

Saeran: “Is there anything you haven’t done?”

Me: “Of course, there are boundaries I will NOT cross. Don’t be an idiot.”

Saeyoung: “Saeran, be nice.”

Saeran: “It was an honest question, I didn’t mean to offend.”

Me: “It’s ok to be curious, your phrasing needs some work though. You just wanted to know what else I’ve done, right?”

Saeran: “Yeah. That.”

Me: “Ummm, I dunno. My experience when I started was adventurous but I didn’t really know what I was doing. And as far as fetishes or kinks, I’ve been spanked before and hit with a belt lightly, handcuffed, hot wax, voyeurism, not much experience with toys, a lot of sloppy drunken sex…”

Saeyoung: “And you actually liked all that or were experimenting?”

Me: “Some I liked, but not sure I’d try them again, a few happened with my ex and I don’t really want to remember him.”

Saeran: “Like what?”

Me: “The belt one. I don’t think I want to try that again. Maybe spanking, but please ask me first if you want to try, it might trigger a bad memory, I already explained how I’d have sex after fighting and it wasn’t always enjoyable, it’s the reason I dislike being choked…”

Saeran: “Duly noted.”

Me: “I’m tired, I think I’m just going to doze off.”

Saeyoung: “You’re amazing and I love you.”

Me: “I love you too, you can take off the wig now.”

Saeran: “We should shower.”

Me: “If you can carry me, I’ll shower but I’m exhausted.”

Saeyoung: “That’s not a bad idea. We can carry you to the shower.”

Me: “Fine, then clean me, Mr. Butler and Ms. Maid.”

They chuckled and I smiled. I love them so much. They helped me up and carried me to the bathroom where we showered and got thoroughly clean. Saeran put the sheets in the washing machine and Saeyoung put new sheets on the bed. I practically collapsed on the clean sheets and he snuggled beside me and kissed my forehead. Saeran said he was going to play LOLOL for a while with Yoosung.

Me: “My hips are killing me.”

Saeyoung: “I’d be surprised if they weren’t. Now you know what it feels to thrust your hips to fuck.”

Me: “Yeah, it was fun though, my main concern was trying not to hurt you since I didn’t know what I doing and just working with visual feedback.”

Saeyoung: “You were great for your first time, I’m pretty humbled you did that for me and you loved dressing up, how did I ever get so lucky to meet someone like you? That loves me for what I am.”

Me: “I dunno, it’s like I told you some time ago, that we were broken people that found solace in each other. We’re all twisted, that’s why we get along so well.”

Saeyoung: “True, it’s thanks to you that Saeran kinda resembles a normal person. You said love and time would fix him and it’s happened.”

Me: “He’s lucky to have you as his brother, you care for him so much.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, his happiness is my happiness.”

Me: “Are you happy?”

Saeyoung: “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

Me: “I just feel it’s weird that you guys share me, I’ve sensed his jealousy.”

Saeyoung: “Is that why you want to tell our friends?”

Me: “Yeah, I mean, you saw how he was in front of Yoosung.”

Saeyoung: “I noticed, Yoosung is just too oblivious.”

Me: “Exactly and you agreed to him having solo sex with me.”

Saeyoung: “I did. In my defense, I was curious whether it was love or lust since you have a big libido.”

Me: “’Cause I’m a she-wolf right?”

Saeyoung: “Think about all the sex you had today, and we’re not even making a porno.”

Me: “I’m not going to feel ashamed for liking pleasure. It sure beats pain.”

Saeyoung: “That’s not what I meant. He was really worried that you were just using him.”

Me: “Okay, I can understand that. At first I did, I entertained the idea of having sex with the both of you, I was drunk and you guys are hot, the equation was simple, but I’ve bonded with him in other things, like the ice cream and cooking. I’ve had one night stands and loveless sex, I didn’t feel indifferent towards Saeran, I genuinely care for him and love followed.”

Saeyoung: “Did you tell him that?”

Me: “With less words, he was upset so I spoke short and to the point.”

Saeyoung: “Please don’t play with his feelings. He’s still fragile and you managed to earn his trust.”

Me: “I wouldn’t dare hurt him on purpose, I’ve always been honest.”

Saeyoung: “Do you really love him?”

Me: “Yes.”

Saeyoung: “As much as me?”

Me: “That’s not a fair question.”

Saeyoung: “Maybe, I still want to know.”

Me: “It’s not equal since my history with him is rocky, but yeah, I think I do love him that much. You both make me happy and not just sexually.”

Saeyoung: “Your happiness means everything to me. I never want you to lose that warmth and light in your eyes.”

Me: “Do you want to crash Saeran’s room? You could play LOLOL with him and I’ll watch until I fall asleep.”

He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

Saeyoung: “Why are you so sweet?”

Me: “Because I love you.”

He picked me up and carried me in his arms to Saeran’s room.

Saeran: “What are you doing?”

Saeyoung: “She wanted to crash here and keep you company.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m being a good girlfriend and keeping my boyfriend company while he plays video games.”

Yoosung: “What? Saeran, what does she mean by that?”

Me: “Oh hi Yoosung! Didn’t know the mic was on. It means I’m his girlfriend.”

Yoosung: “What? But what happened to Saeyoung?”

Saeran: “He’s her fiancée.”

Yoosung: “Well I knew that, but I’m confused.”

Saeyoung: “God, you’re really dense, it means the 3 of us are in a relationship.”

Yoosung: “I uhh, I don’t know what to say. Some things make sense now. Does everybody else know?”

Saeran: “No, you’re the first one to find out, possibly by accident.”

Yoosung: “Oh, was it supposed to be a secret?”

Me: “Yeah, but I guess it doesn’t make sense to keep it a secret, it might complicate things more than they are. We’ll tell everyone else eventually.”

Yoosung: “So is it like those polyamory things?”

Saeyoung: “I’m amazed you even know that word.”

Saeran: “Yeah, that’s basically it.”

Me: “I’m glad I don’t have to explain it then.”

Yoosung: “I know things, stop treating me like a kid.”

Me: “You’re a kid to me Yoosung, sorry.”

Yoosung: “I’m only a year younger than them!”

Me: “In years, not life experience.”

Yoosung: “Well, I know I’m pretty average, not much I can do about that.”

Saeyoung: “You’re not an average LOLOL player, want to play with me?”

Yoosung: “I’m not sure about that.”

Saeran: “It’ll be fun.”

Saeyoung: “Unless you’re too scared.”

Yoosung: “I am NOT.”

Saeyoung: “Then let’s play.”

I lied down on the bed and watched my 2 loves play video games. They put their headsets on so I could rest peacefully. They’d check on me every now and then to see if I was still awake, I eventually fell asleep. Saeran was sleeping next to me when I woke up. He stirred when I shifted my weight off him.

Me: “Good morning, honey.”

Saeran: “Mmmm, g’morning.”

Me: “How’s Yoosung?”

Saeran: “Probably still in shock, you were right about it being weird to explain our relationship. He was too shy to ask about our sex life though.”

Me: “Mmmm good, how do you feel about it?”

Saeran: “I know you’re doing this for me.”

Me: “And how do you feel about it?”

Saeran: “Less burdened with secrets.”

Me: “Yeah, I know the feeling.”

Saeran: “Are we really telling Zen and Jaehee?”

Me: “That’s the plan, we’re going to see the play and tell them about us.”

Saeran: “So, can I hold your hand in public?”

Me: “Sure, why not? You’re my boyfriend.”

Saeran: “Even if Saeyoung is holding your other hand?”

Me: “Of course, you’re both my adorable tomato heads.”

He chuckled and leaned down to kiss me. I caressed his face and mussed his hair, wrapping my arms around him to pull him closer to me.

Saeran: “You make me happy.”

Me: “I sure hope so, I try very hard.”

Saeran: “I know. I feel a little bad for doubting you.”

Me: “It’s ok, the situation was weird from the start. I don’t blame you.”

Saeran: “You’re always so understanding.”

Me: “Well, I pretty much got us this far. We’re all a little responsible.”

Saeran: “I suppose so, I’ll always be grateful for your help with my recovery, you didn’t have to care about me after everything I did.”

Me: “I admit it wasn’t easy, your presence made me uncomfortable and I went back to drinking heavily to help me forget, that’s when things with Saeyoung started getting complicated since he loves and cares so much that he wasn’t going to give up on us.”

Saeran: “He’s always been the stronger one.”

Me: “Love gives people the strength to fight, he’s always loved you, that’s why he’d do anything for you.”

Saeran: “Like share his fiancée?”

Me: “Don’t look at it that way, I’m not an object that you can just pass around and borrow. He’s your twin and the both of you share a special bond, he knows how you feel without using words, right?”

Saeran: “It’s annoying sometimes but yeah, we can understand each other nonverbally.”

Me: “How did you fall in love with me?”

Saeran: “I… I don’t know. It just happened. The more time we’d spend together, the better I felt.”

Me: “And how did you feel about your brother and I as a couple?”

Saeran: “I dunno, I guess jealous he had someone but you were always nice and I could see the changes in your treatment towards me, at first you were polite and gradually you got friendlier, your attitude influenced Saeyoung as well, he didn’t really know how to deal with me.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I tried to give him whatever advice I could. I had no idea what you were going through but we all knew pain, loss, and betrayal.”

Saeran: “He spoke to me a few times when you moved in, I wasn’t very receptive but I was curious about you so I listened. Not sure which was your input or his but the combination helped me sort my thoughts.”

Me: “I’m glad. Sorting the bad memories isn’t easy, especially when they occurred under substance abuse. The body looks for the codependency related to the event and it can trigger all sorts of emotions… We’ve been through a lot and it’s been a tough life but I love you and that means all I want is for you to be happy.”

Saeran closed his eyes and took a deep breath, when he opened them he looked sad, almost as if he wanted to cry. He buried his face on my chest and slowly moved his head sideways so his voice wasn’t muffled.

Me: “You deserve love and happiness and if I can make you happy, that makes me happy too.”

Saeran: “I used to think I’d never be happy.”

Me: “I used to think I’d never find someone to love me for who I am.”

He chuckled and tightened our embrace.

Saeran: “You found two.”

Me: “Yeah, speaking of which, where is your brother?”

Saeran: “Last I saw him he said he was going to work on his car.”

Me: “I hope he didn’t take my joke seriously about installing a flamethrower to scare away the horrible drivers.”

Saeran: “I doubt it, I saw some things that looked like sewing materials.”

Me: “You didn’t ask him?”

Saeran: “I did but he didn’t give me a proper answer. It’s a surprise.”

Me: “Oh, well. Let’s get up and have breakfast, he’ll show up eventually.”

Saeran: “Do you want breakfast in bed?”

Me: “Mmmmm, sounds tempting. Sure, you can bring the coffee in the travel mug.”

Saeran: “Smart. Alright. I’ll bring everything.”

Before he could get off the bed I grabbed him. He looked startled for a moment and then smirked.

Saeran: “What?”

Me: “I love you.”

He pecked my lips and got off the bed.

Saeran: “Me too.”

He smiled and left. I got up and put on my fancy robe. I was still naked, sometimes I don’t bother wearing clothes, we live pretty secluded and rarely have visitors. I dress mostly out of habit or if I’m on my period. I liked the idea of having a robe to wear around the house so that’s the main reason for getting one custom made for me, maybe I should get some for the boys as well. I got up and went to brush my teeth and then went back to the bed. I noticed bruises on my thighs, god, this is my new normal, I always have marks somewhere. Saeran brought coffee and said the food would be ready soon. I was a little excited.

Breakfast in bed wasn’t something anyone had ever done for me, not even Saeyoung, I was in awe that Saeran was so thoughtful when he wanted to be, not that his brother isn’t, it’s just nice to have someone that can cook without guidance, although Saeyoung has been getting better, he needs practice with his presentation. It’s a good thing I’m not picky with food, I don’t care much if it looks ugly as long as it tastes good, and that’s the way it should be but I’m also a sucker for eye candy and when the food looks pretty it makes me smile and want to take pictures. Saeran has a knack for making food look pretty on a plate, probably better than me if I’m being honest. When he walked into the bedroom my jaw dropped. He was wearing the butler costume and holding a tray. I couldn’t believe my eyes but yeah, that happened. He chuckled when he saw my expression and I wiped my eyes to make sure I was wide awake because damn, the sight that stood before me was so dreamy.

Saeran: “You’re drooling.”

Me: “Ah, sorry, for a minute there I thought I was day dreaming.”

Saeran: “You seemed to enjoy this outfit so much I thought it’d be fitting to wear it.”

Me: “Oh my, you look so hot I could melt. You didn’t have to do this but I’m glad you did. Now I’m unsure whether I want breakfast or you.”

Saeran: “Why not both? Here, you should eat.”

He brought the tray closer and placed it on my lap. He made an omelette with melted cheese in the shape of a heart.

Me: “This is so cute, thank you. Can you get my phone? I want to take a picture.”

He kissed my cheek and left, when he got back with my phone I asked him to sit next to me, I wanted him to be in the picture.

Saeran: “I can take your picture if you want.”

Me: “But I want us both in it, breakfast in bed with my boyfriend, please?”

Saeran: “Fine.”

He grabbed my phone and took our picture, what a loving memory.

Me: “I think this is our first picture together.”

Saeran: “Mmmm probably.”

Me: “It’s also the first time I’ve had breakfast in bed.”

Saeran: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. Unless you want to count the time I was in the hospital.”

Saeran: “Pretty sure that shouldn’t count.”

Me: “You sure know how to charm me.”

Saeran: “You’re not that hard to figure out. You’re easily seduced by good food and sex.”

Me: “True, but not by anyone. You wouldn’t know this since you’re a good lover but I’m actually pretty hard to please. Good sex is hard to come by for me, well, not anymore, but during my singlehood I got frustrated and eventually quit looking for partners. I was impressed the first time I did it with your brother, the chemistry was right, it was also different since feelings were involved, making love and fucking are different things.”

Saeran: “That’s interesting. Not so easy to please? I find that hard to believe. I bet you’re wet right now.”

Me: “Only because you make me that way. I assure you it’s no easy feat.”

He arched an eyebrow and smirked. He took the chopsticks and cut up the omelette for me then took a piece and hovered it close to my mouth.

Saeran: “Want me to feed you?”

I opened my mouth in reply. Sometimes it’s funny how alike the twins are, I know better than to say anything since it’s not polite to compare them but I can’t help but smile when I spot the similarities. I let him feed me, he seemed to enjoy himself and I sure as hell had fun watching him dressed as a butler, serving me the food directly to my mouth.

Saeran: “Good girl.”

He took the tray and left, I sipped on my coffee and waited anxiously for him to return I wasn’t sure what he was going to do and holy shit was I surprised when he came in with a blindfold in his hand.

Me: “It’s a little early for games, I’m still sore from yesterday.”

Saeran: “But you love games so much. Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle.”

Me: “There’s nothing to prove but alright, safe word applies though.”

Saeran: “Fine.”

He walked towards me and gently put the blindfold on. I gave him my coffee so he could set it elsewhere. Even if it wasn’t my first time being blindfolded it still felt weird, not being able to see anything. He got on the bed and untied my robe. He kissed my chest and slowly moved lower.

It felt very much like the first time I was blindfolded when the twins wanted me to guess their identity by the way they fucked me. A terrible prank when I think about it but fun nonetheless. Saeran had been first and I had a hard time telling him apart since my experience with him in the threesomes, he tended to be rougher than his brother, of course it didn’t take long for Saeyoung to eventually catch up and now they’re both pretty much equally rough ever since they enjoyed the taste of my blood. I already made an appointment with the dermatologist before our trip, I don’t want bite marks visible when I’m with my family, it will be autumn but with little kids around you never know what might happen. I just have to give the twins a stern warning about putting off the sadism after my skin treatment up until we get back home. It’d be nice to give my skin a break. Every time I look at my bruises and marks I remember Zen’s shocked face, don’t want my family to go through that, it was embarrassing enough for my friend to see me in that state, and now he knows why there were so many.

At this point Saeran knows what turns me on and what doesn’t, it’s great since I don’t have to guide him but he also uses that to his advantage to tease me. Apparently it’s fun to make me beg for pleasure, I play along of course but sometimes I lack the patience and just want to get it over with. I hate getting called desperate but dammit if he’s going to turn me on I expect a release, not necessarily immediately but it gets annoying when the foreplay gets dragged out.

The best example is, he was fingering me and I was really into it, he had reached the spot I like and I was ready to cum but the fucker stopped and I groaned loudly.

Me: “Why did you stop? I was going to cum.”

Saeran: “Wouldn’t you like something else inside you?”

Me: “I hate it when you want me to beg.”

Saeran: “Ah, but I love to see you squirm. It’s adorable when you’re desperate.”

Me: “Nothing about this is adorable.”

Saeran: “It is to me.”

He took off my blindfold and I stared as he stripped before me, I don’t think I could ever get tired of seeing him undress. I even grew to love his tattoo, the one thing that unmistakably differentiates him from his brother. He saw me looking at him and he smirked. God, how I loved it. The mischievous look on his face that made me worship him.

Saeran: “If you like what you see just ask for it and I’m yours.”

Me: “God you’re so sexy. Why do you do this to me? I should be resting for tonight and here you are, seducing me when I’m practically sexed out after yesterday. Is this how I die? Too much sex? I guess it’d be fitting.”

He chuckled and got on top of me, his body hovering over mine. His hips rested over mine, his hard cock nestled on my groin. His strong toned arms made pressure on the bed as he lowered his head close to mine.

Saeran: “I thought there was no such thing as too much sex for you.”

Me: “You know that’s not true, I’ve refused having sex before because I’m tired or not in the mood. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’ve become addicted to sex yourself.”

Saeran: “You’re quite irresistible and I enjoy playing with you, are you going to refuse me now?”

He slid his cock closer to my wetness.

Me: “You make it difficult for me to refuse you.”

Saeran: “Ah, now you know how I feel. You’re a tease, you barely wear clothes anymore. You just strut around the house naked, how can I not react to that? Of course I’ll want you.”

Me: “Do you want a robe too? I can have one made for you.”

Saeran: “I’ll think about it. Right now there’s a more pressing matter.”

He grazed the tip of his dick along my slit and I squirmed.

Me: “I want you but please be gentle, I’m strong but you can break me.”

He leaned down and kissed me deeply, slowly entering me and I moaned into the kiss. He thrust slowly while our tongues danced. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, making our chests press together. I spread my legs a little wider and he picked up the pace a little. He broke the kiss and I stroked his back, massaging him gently. He swept strands of my hair out of my face and looked into my eyes. I placed a hand on his cheek and called his name. He thrust deeper and found my sweet spot. I hugged him tight and he kissed my face, neck, and shoulders, licking the skin between kisses. I lowered my hands and grabbed his butt.

I guided him to paradise, we reached climax about the same time, he stayed inside of me for a while, breathing on my neck and kissing my previous bite marks.

Saeran: “What dress are you going to wear tonight?”

Me: “One that hides our brutal lovemaking.”

Saeran: “I wouldn’t call it brutal, I’d say it’s passionate.”

Me: “I’m never gonna forget the look of horror on Zen’s face when he saw the marks and bruises. We’re going out in public tonight, we need to look presentable, like upstanding citizens.”

Saeran: “I know. Are you really telling them about us?”

Me: “Yeah, Yoosung already knows. I think I should say something in the chat before we go, so they won’t be so shocked in person when they see us.”

Saeran: “I guess. Ask Saeyoung, see what he thinks. He knows them best.”

Me: “Alright, I’ll ask him when he shows up.”

I put on my robe and got out of the bed.

Saeran: “I’m gonna shower. You coming?”

Me: “Mmmm, ok.”

Saeran: “You want more?”

Me: “I don’t think I can take any more.”

Saeyoung: “Can’t take any more what?”

Me: “Hey honey, I was talking about sex.”

Saeyoung: “The succubus is tired of sex? I thought you regenerated with every orgasm.”

Me: “Oh ha ha, if I’m a succubus then you’re incubi, I don’t fuck myself, call my libido big all you want but you’re the ones that do the fucking.”

Saeyoung: “Well, I wouldn’t expect less from a Scorpio.”

Me: “Yeah, ‘cause astrology explains our sex life.”

Saeyoung: “Have you ever read about Gemini?”

Me: “Aside from the fact that I know we’re not compatible signs, no.”

Saeyoung: “So you do read astrology.”

Me: “Sometimes, when I’m bored with work and want to know my fortune.”

Saeyoung: “Mmm, look up Gemini sexuality next time at work.”

Me: “Can’t you just tell me?”

Saeyoung: “What’s the fun in that? Besides, there’s something I want to show you.”

Me: “Oh, before I forget I wanted to ask you something. I was thinking about mentioning our relationship in the chat before we head out to the play, minimize the shock and all that, what do you think?”

Saeyoung: “Sure, why not? Yoosung is probably dying to say something.”

Me: “Alright, now what did you want to show me?”

Saeyoung: “Let’s go to the garage, you too Saeran. Why are you naked?”

Saeran: “I gave her sausage for breakfast.”

Saeyoung guffawed and I grimaced.

Me: “Jesus fucking Christ Saeran, phrasing. He made me breakfast in bed and served it to me dressed as a butler.”

Saeyoung: “And then you got wet and ended up having sex.”

Me: “Pretty much. He seduced me and I’m weak.”

Saeyoung: “Are you okay? You should be resting.”

Me: “I’m fine, I’m curious to see what you were working on.”

Saeran: “Don’t worry so much. I was gentle.”

Saeyoung: “C’mon, let’s see the fruits of my labor.”

Saeran put some pants on and we all walked to the garage together. He pointed to his red Ferrari and told us to get in. When I opened the door I saw that instead of a driver and passenger seat, it was more like a bench, where the 3 of us could sit together.

Saeyoung: “Now we all fit in my baby.”

Me: “Wow, that’s incredible and so sweet that you’d do that.”

Saeyoung: “Well, we’re going to walk down a red carpet, might as well arrive in style.”

Saeran: “In a red car filled with red heads. You clearly did this on purpose.”

Saeyoung: “Of course. It’s a nice touch isn’t it?”

Me: “Should I dye my hair red to match you guys? Haha.”

Saeyoung: “Mmmm, red does suit you.”

Saeran: “I like your hair the way it is.”

Me: “I was kidding. But wow, that looks so well crafted.”

Saeyoung: “I used Italian leather. Only the best for my baby.”

Saeran: “Why do you call your cars babies?”

Saeyoung: “Same reason people call their pets, their babies, mine just happen to run on wheels and fuel.”

Saeran: “Why do you love him?”

Me: “It’s a mystery.”

Saeyoung: “Hey, don’t be like that.”

Me: “I’m kidding. You make me laugh and understand me, for that and many other reasons I love you.”

Saeyoung: “Why do you love him?”

Me: “He laughs at my jokes, takes care of me, there’s kinship, I’d trust him with my life.”

They both looked at me and it made me nervous so I did the most awkward thing I can do in that situation, laugh. Because that’s what I do when I get nervous and it made them stare harder and probably wonder why the fuck I was laughing but knew better than to ask because it’s typical behavior they’d come to expect so they chortled in response and that made me feel less anxious and I stopped laughing. They each kissed a cheek and I knew my face got flushed. I took their hand and we headed to the living room. I told them I was going to login to the chat.

Saeyoung: “You want me to login with you?”

Me: “No, it’s ok. Depending on what happens you can jump in if you want.”

Saeyoung: “Alright.”

Yoosung and Jaehee were online.

[Me: I hope you’re all ready for tonight.]

[Yoosung: I just got back from the dry cleaners. How’s everyone doing over there?]

[Me: Great, Saeyoung modified his red Ferrari so we’d all fit since it’s originally a 2 passenger vehicle.]

[Yoosung: -surprised emoji-]

[Jaehee: You all fit in the limo, leave it to Saeyoung to go the extra mile.]

[Me: I thought it was sweet of him to do that, makes a nice symbol of our relationship.]

[Jaehee: Yes, I’m sure he doesn’t want his brother to feel left out so he went to extremes and modified his expensive sports car to prove it.]

[Yoosung: You have no idea.]

[Me: I actually wanted to talk about him.]

[Jaehee: Talk about Saeran or Saeyoung?]

[Me: Both.]

[Yoosung: -surprised emoji-]

[Yoosung: Now?]

[Jaehee: What is it? Is something wrong?]

[Me: Depends on your definition, but no.]

[Yoosung: You’re going to tell her aren’t you?]

[Jaehee: Tell me what? What is it that I don’t know about?]

[Me: I’m dating the twins.]

[Jaehee: -surprised emoji-]

[Jaehee: What? What do you mean you’re dating them, isn’t Saeyoung your fiancée?]

Me: [Yes and Saeran is my boyfriend.]

[Jaehee: -surprised emoji-]

[Jaehee: It’s none of my business but that’s quite shocking news. I don’t even know what to say or think about that.]

[Yoosung: I feel you Jaehee, I found out last night and still don’t quite believe it.]

[Jaehee: How did you find out?]

[Yoosung: I was playing LOLOL with Saeran and she came into his room with Saeyoung and said something about keeping her boyfriend company, the mic was on so I overheard their conversation.]

[Yoosung: She explained what she meant by her statement and then the twins elaborated.]

[Jaehee: So the three of you are in a relationship?]

[Me: Yes. I’m Saeyoung’s fiancée and Saeran’s girlfriend.]

[Jaehee: And Saeyoung is ok with that?]

[Me: Of course, we don’t keep secrets from each other. We all know what we’re doing.]

[Jaehee: I guess if it’s mutual…]

[Yoosung: Don’t they get jealous of each other?]

[Me: You’d have to ask them. I’m only informing the status of my relationship so it doesn’t come as a surprise when they escort me at the red carpet since they’re my dates.]

[Jaehee: How long has this been going on?]

[Me: I dunno, a while.]

[Jaehee: -surprised emoji-]

[Yoosung: -surprised emoji-]

[Me: I think I’ve said enough, I better go get ready. I’ll see you tonight.]

[Jaehee: Take care.]

[Yoosung: See ya.]

I logged off and Saeyoung applauded.

Me: “I think it went well.”

Saeyoung: “How much do you want to bet Zen is going to call me after he reads that chat?”

Me: “I know he will, I won’t bet against those odds.”

Saeyoung: “Think Jumin will call? Let’s make a bet.”

Me: “Alright. I’ll bet Jumin won’t call you but will respond in the chat room saying that our relationship is licentious.”

Saeyoung: “God, that does sound like something he would say. I don’t think I can come up with a better alternative, your guess sounds very likely to happen, I won’t bet against those odds.”

Saeran: “You’re both being ridiculous.”

Me: “Maybe, but it’s fun to guess the likelihood of people’s reactions and bet on it.”

Saeran: “I suppose I can see the amusement in that.”

Saeyoung: “Care to make a wager?”

Saeran: “No thank you. I’m not interested in that kind of game.”

Me: “It’s okay, we should be taking this more seriously.”

At that moment Saeyoung’s phone rang. It was Zen, I giggled and we listened to the conversation on speakerphone, it didn’t take long for him to figure out that the twins were both sadists.

Zen: “God, no wonder she looked like she was in a dog fight. What the hell is wrong with all of you?”

Me: “Zen, calm down. I’m fine.”

Zen: “Are you sure you haven’t been brainwashed and joined a sex cult?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Saeran: “She started it, you can’t blame us so stop with the accusations. She seduced me first. Got us all drunk.”

Zen: “Holy shit, really? I kinda knew she was wild but this is something else.”

Saeyoung: “I appreciate your concern but ask her if she’s happy.”

Zen: “You’re both with her, I’d rather talk to her in private.”

Me: “You know I’m brutally honest, my answer will be the same. I love them, they love me, we’re happy together.”

Zen: “God, I don’t know what to say… as long as you’re happy that’s great, but really? The two of them? At the same time? Are you an adult film star I don’t know about?”

Saeyoung chuckled and I laughed along.

Saeran: “Do you know plenty of those?”

Saeyoung: “I thought the same but we would’ve known from the start if that were the case.”

Me: “I’m not a porn star. Just a libertine.”

Zen: “I’ve met a few actresses that have done adult films, that’s why I asked, partly in jest and part curious.”

Me: “Go back to rehearsal, we’ll see you tonight, alright?”

Zen: “Yeah, I have to go, but let me know if anything happens.”

Saeyoung: “She has your number on speed dial, break a leg.”

Zen: “Fine, I’ll see you tonight.”

He hung up and Saeyoung laughed.

Me: “This isn’t funny.”

Saeyoung: “I just think it’s funny he asked you if you were an adult film actress. You sort of look like one he knows about.”

Me: “I don’t want to know how you came across that information, I’m going to guess by hacking so… I’m not interested in his porn preference.”

Saeran: “You’re pretty hot, you could be an actress if you wanted to.”

Me: “I’m a terrible liar and anxious person, there’s no way I could keep calm in front of a camera and other people. I don’t like where this conversation is headed, we can re-enact porn if you want but we’re not making it.”

Saeyoung: “It doesn’t have to be for distribution, we could just make a home video.”

Me: “No. Been there, done that. I refuse to be recorded.”

Saeyoung: “I knew it. You were in a sex video online.”

Saeran: “Really? Does that video still exist?”

Me: “God, I hope not, but yes. My ex posted a video of us fucking.”

Saeyoung: “He’s the reason you don’t want to be filmed?”

Me: “Yeah, the video was never meant to be posted but in one of his jealousy tantrums he uploaded it to an amateur porn site. Did you frequent those websites and stumble upon my video?”

Saeyoung: “He he, a professional hacker doesn’t reveal his secrets.”

Me: “Yeah, ok, whatever.”

Saeran: “So it was revenge porn.”

Me: “Uh huh, I contacted the website and they took it down.”

Saeran: “Was it available for download?”

Me: “Not that I know of, but a skilled hacker can download anything.”

Saeyoung: “I suppose.”

Saeran: “So there might be copies of your sex video?”

Me: “Maybe, the website took the video down but I doubt they deleted it.”

Saeyoung: “Probably not. Want me to track it?”

Me: “Not really, but if it makes you happy, go ahead. If anyone can make that video truly vanish it’s you two, but at this point I stopped caring about that long ago.”

Saeyoung: “I care, I don’t want strangers seeing my future wife naked.”

Me: “Alright, I’ll write down everything I can remember about the incident and give you my old laptop. You can work on that while I’m at work.”

Saeyoung: “Hacker twins to the rescue! Right bro?”

Saeran: “She doesn’t care about the video, why bother tracking it?”

Saeyoung: “Why not? Besides, it’ll give us something to do while she works.”

Saeran: “The idea of sifting through porn with you sounds awful.”

Saeyoung: “Hacking is a dirty job but someone has to do it.”

Me: “Alright boys, our ride is ready, now let’s make sure your clothes are set. I’m going to take a shower and go to the hair salon, my appointment is at 3pm, please be dressed by the time I get home.”

Saeyoung: “So, like 3 hours?”

Me: “I doubt they’ll take that long but we should leave at 6pm in case there’s traffic.

We all did our part to get ready. I was nervous. I had never walked on a red carpet with so many people. Why Zen insisted on his friends to join him at the premiere in this fashion is a mystery to me. I didn’t enjoy the spotlight but the twins made me feel like a celebrity. We arrived in the red Ferrari, right behind Zen’s limo. He walked with Jaehee and Yoosung and then we followed him, I had a Choi at each side, we waved at the photographers, and the 6 of us made it inside the theater with the other actors and guests. It’s a good thing I had experience dealing with events before thanks to the RFA parties or else I would’ve tripped over my heels due to nervousness. I was accompanied by my friends and lovers. I had nothing to worry about. I smiled a sheepish grin when Zen arched his eyebrow at me but he smiled back and pulled me into a hug. My friends were happy and I was happy, I don’t know why I was worried. I sat between the twins and watched the play, Zen is a really great actor.

It was my first time seeing him in a play, I’d heard Zen sing plenty of times since he’s my karaoke partner and he’s such a great singer. If I hadn’t fallen in love with Saeyoung I would’ve probably fallen for him. Few people get my dirty jokes, well, it’s more like I don’t trust just anyone to be outspoken with. He’s fun to hang out with and a wonderful drinking buddy/confidante. Zen is very down to Earth since he’s suffered his own struggles growing up, that makes him very relatable. I admire how humble he still is even when his popularity soars each day. The last time we hung out at a bar there was a horde of fans surrounding him, it’s easy to forget he’s a celebrity. It’s kinda like how I see Jumin, I know he’s one of the richest men in Korea, yet I can call him at any time and ask for help if I need to because he’s my friend. They’re both really good looking bachelors but Jumin is too serious and Zen is vain as fuck, he’s drop dead gorgeous but seriously, if I hear “God must have made a mistake when he made me.” one more time, I’m going to punch his face. It was funny the first time but it got old fast. Looks aren’t everything, I learned that after my abusive ex-boyfriend. Still, I’m glad to have a talented friend. Although musicals aren’t my thing I admire his hard work. I’m glad I went to see his performance. I couldn’t congratulate him after the show, he stayed a long while in the lobby attending his fans and I was tired so I waved goodbye to him and excused myself in front of Jaehee and Yoosung.

Jaehee: “You’ll miss the after-party.”

Me: “Ah, that’s fine. I’m really tired, I should get home.”

Jaehee: “I’m so glad you came.”

Me: “Yeah, me too, we should do this again.”

Jaehee: “I’d love that, perhaps you’ve changed your mind about musicals?”

Me: “Zen is really talented and this musical is not what I expected.”

Yoosung: “I liked it, I thought it was going to be cheesy.”

Me: “Maybe it’s not that I hate musicals, it’s probably because most of them are cliché and that’s what I don’t like.”

Jaehee: “That makes sense, since you’re a writer you probably have a different perspective.”

Me: “True, oh well. Take care. Hope you each get home safe.”

Jaehee: “Sorry to keep you waiting.”

Saeran: “Good night.”

Jaehee: “Drive safely.”

Saeyoung: “I will. Good night.”

Yoosung: “Bye guys, good night.”

We all said our good nights and good byes and the twins escorted me to the car. Once we got home I just wanted to sleep but Zen called me. He wanted to meet me for drinks on his day off. I told him it was ok. He sounded concerned. I figured he was still in shock about my relationship, he didn’t say it but I knew him well enough. It was a quick call since he was at the after-party.

Saeran: “Is something wrong?”

Me: “No, Zen was just calling me to make sure I got back safe.”

Saeyoung: “That’s it? No lecture?”

Me: “He was at the after-party so he couldn’t talk long, wants to meet me for drinks next week.”

Saeran: “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Me: “Why not?”

Saeran: “You’ll probably end up sleeping with him.”

Me: “I don’t spread my legs to just anyone. I’m a little hurt you’d say that.”

Saeyoung: “That was out of line.”

Saeran: “Was it?”

Me: “Zen is my friend and drinking buddy. My relationship with him is purely platonic. He’s a sexy man but I’m not attracted to him and I have no reason to have sex with anyone else, I’m happily in love and very satisfied. Maybe if he were a woman I’d be interested because none of you have breasts or a vagina so there’d be nothing new to offer.”

Saeran: “So would you fuck Jaehee?”

Saeyoung: “Saeran stop.”

Saeran: “Why? It’s a valid question.”

Me: “I suppose. Look, I love you. I’m not interested in fucking anybody else. It’s very simple to understand.”

Saeran: “You’re reckless when you’re drunk.”

Me: “True, but I’m loyal and Zen is a gentleman. You should be able to trust me. I know I may seem like a sex crazed maniac but I’m not.”

Saeran: “I don’t want you to go.”

I didn’t know what else to say to him. I shrugged and went to the bathroom to finish taking off my makeup and Saeyoung stayed with him to talk. I could hear bits and pieces of their conversation but I didn’t try to listen. I was frustrated that Saeran didn’t want me to hang out with my friend because he feared I’d cheat on him. I wouldn’t do that, I tried to think of a way to convince him otherwise. He could always hack my phone like Saeyoung has done before. It sucks I had to consider that but I was willing to sacrifice a bit of my privacy just to assuage him. I shook my head in disbelief, remembering Saeran’s words and sighed. I felt genuinely sad. Once I was back in the bedroom they stopped talking, I didn’t look at them, I went straight to the bed, lied down, and curled up on my side, my back towards them.

Saeyoung: “Babe?”

Me: “I’m going to sleep, I’m tired, it’s been a long day.”

Saeran: “I’m sorry.”

Me: “No you’re not. You think I’m a shameless slut.”

I felt them sit on the bed.

Saeyoung: “Well, you ARE shameless, but you’re OUR slut.”

I chuckled a bit but still felt pretty bad.

Saeran: “Will you please face us?”

I sighed. I didn’t want to but I know how persistent they are and knew I couldn’t avoid them for long. I remained with my back turned.

Me: “I don’t think I want to continue this conversation.”

Saeyoung: “He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Me: “My feelings aren’t hurt, just my pride. I’d like to be left alone.”

Saeran: “You can’t avoid me.”

I turned to face him.

Me: “Do not tell me what I can or can’t do. I wish to avoid a fight so please don’t test my patience. I’m tired, would like to rest, and really don’t feel like talking. If you continue to push me into listening right now, it won’t end well. I said it nicely the first time, leave me alone. Please, you do not wish for me to repeat myself.”

Saeran: “I’m sorry.”

Me: “I heard you the first time, now leave.”

Saeyoung: “Let’s go. She wants to sleep, you can talk tomorrow.”

Saeran: “I want to resolve this now.”

He decided to ignore my warning. I started to laugh, half crazed. He stared wide eyed and Saeyoung looked worried.

Me: “If you don’t leave the room, I will fucking snap. I want to collect my thoughts and rest. I can’t do that with you here.”

Saeran: “Fine.”

I turned my back to them and they left the room. I was glad to be alone but not about the circumstances that caused me to take that break from them. I could only hope that seeing my reaction and Saeyoung talking to him would help Saeran see past his jealousy. I fell asleep and woke up early, I got ready as fast as I could, being as quiet as possible.

The only place I could go to was the office. I knew they wouldn’t follow me here and if they checked the GPS on my phone they’d assume I’m working. It feels like I ran away from my problems but there’s only so much I can take. I can sort of understand why Saeran reacted the way he did. He’s never liked Zen and I act horny when I’m drunk. I guess it’s a miracle I haven’t slept with him but it’s because even if he’s a gorgeous man, I don’t have feelings for him and I’m not interested in meaningless sex. Maybe it’s not that easy to explain or understand. But I hope I can find a way to express myself more clearly on the matter before facing Saeran. It pains me when I remember his words and the look he had. I wish I could stay at the office longer but I have to go back and talk to my insensitive boyfriend. I hope this has a good ending.


	13. Questionable situations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins find more about MC's past and their relationship grows as more secrets come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long awaited update, this chapter is the longest so far and I usually post here after the last post makes its way to my tumblr where 10 pages are posted every week, this time I'm posting on ao3 first, the last part of the chapter has yet to make its way to my blog, as a sorry for the wait, you get to read it here first.

Dear diary,

If I thought I couldn’t feel shame, I was wrong. The twins found my sex video, I hoped it was gone forever, so imagine the horror when they told me about it and wanted me to confirm that the girl in it was indeed me. I had gotten home from work and Saeyoung greeted me but I noticed something odd in the way he looked at me. I ignored it and went to the bedroom to take off my clothes. Once I was naked and started walking towards the bathroom he told me to turn around for him.

Me: “What is it? Do I have an ink stain?”

Saeyoung: “No, I’m just making an observation.”

Me: “Of what?”

Saeyoung: “Open your mouth wide for a moment.”

Me: “Why?”

Saeyoung: “Just indulge me a minute.”

I did as he said and he walked slowly towards me. He pulled the sides of my mouth wider with his fingers, smiled, and let me go. That’s when it hit me.

Me: “You found the video.”

Saeyoung: “We did, and saw the whole thing.”

I sighed loudly and went to sit on the bed.

Saeyoung: “No wonder you didn’t want to give much details about it.”

Me: “It’s not something I like to remember.”

Saeyoung: “Because you didn’t like it or because you did?”

Me: “I’m not sure. Everything was hazy back then and I was confused. I’d been through so much I don’t know if I could tell the difference between pain or pleasure it all just got….”

I couldn’t keep talking. Tears started streaming down my face and Saeyoung rushed towards me, putting his arms around my torso, and murmuring in my ear to calm down, that I was safe, and there was nothing to be ashamed of. I wasn’t sure if I really liked BDSM, it’s something I struggled with when I was with my ex. It was hard to distinguish what was domestic violence and what was hardcore sex. I never wanted to accept the fact that sometimes I enjoyed the abuse, because it made me feel like a horrible human being and that there was something wrong with me. Now that they saw evidence of what sex with my ex was like sometimes, I don’t know what crossed their minds when they figured out it was me. If Saeyoung thought that his brother was too rough with me, that video must’ve shattered his previous notions. I wiped my tears and looked up at him, his golden eyes were filled with worry, I turned away and he held me tighter.

Saeyoung: “You don’t have to talk about this right now if you don’t want to. Go take a shower and we’ll wait for you, Saeran should be done with cooking by now.”

I nodded and headed straight to the shower. Oh god, I was mortified. I didn’t expect them to find the video so fast, I kind of wished it didn’t even exist anymore or that nobody could recognize me. I don’t even look the same. The only reason anyone would find my video is if they were looking for BDSM, bondage, humiliation, forced, rope, etc. It’s a pretty specific genre of sex, especially in the amateur kind. All I could think about during my shower was how the fuck was I going to explain myself to the twins and how I managed to gloss over that kink the few times we talked about it. I had warned them to ask permission for anything that caused me pain because it could trigger bad memories of my ex, now they knew why. It’s because my ex was a dominant sadomasochist and I was his slave. No amount of soap and water could wash away the dirty thoughts, memories, or sins. I had to get out of the shower and face my current lovers. I got dressed and went to the kitchen. The table was set and I sat down. The air around me felt thick with tension. Saeran took my plate and served me my food. I couldn’t look at their faces, not yet, I waited for any of them to speak.

Saeyoung: “Honey, it’s ok.”

I took a deep breath and looked at them.

Saeran: “Before we delete them, I’d like confirmation that it’s really you.”

Me: “It should be obvious for you guys, you’ve seen enough of me.”

Saeran: “True, but not like that.”

Me: “Fine, but I’m having some soju first.”

I got up and went to the refrigerator to get the bottle, I sat down at the table and took a few bites of the food and swigs of the soju. I prepared myself mentally for what I was about to see with the present company.

Me: “Ok, I’m ready.”

We went to Saeran’s room and he pressed play. A girl with long black hair was wearing a white buttoned shirt with red bra, black plaid mini skirt, white thigh high socks, and black high heels. I remembered those heels, they were 13 cm high with 7.5 cm platform, I broke one of the heels on my ex’s head in one of our fights. The camera was on a tripod so it recorded in the same angle, it was moved a few times though. Off screen a man said that I was very naughty and needed to be punished, there was a rustling sound, it was him taking off his belt, he pulled me by the hair and I shrieked, then whimpered, he put the gag on me so my mouth would widen and drool would fall freely. The floor and ceiling had chains with leather straps, he tied me up by the wrists and ankles and lifted my skirt, spanking my ass very loudly.

[My ex: “You know you’ve been a bad girl, don’t you?”

I nodded.

My ex: “Do you know what happens to bad girls?”

I nodded.]

He slipped my panties down and lifted the skirt again to start whipping my butt cheeks with the belt, over and over again, I screamed uncomfortably because of the gag and choked a few times with my own drool, when tears started to roll down my face he moved the tripod to the other side of the room so my face was in full view.

Me: “Ok guys, that’s me. It’s not a wig, I used to dye my hair black but then went back to my natural hair color. So if that’s what made you doubt, now you know. If you saw the whole thing you should’ve seen my birthmarks, just stop the video, I don’t want to see the rest.”

When Saeran paused it I had the belt on my throat and getting a dick shoved in my mouth while getting choked.

Me: “Ugh, just close it.”

He closed the window and turned to face me.

Saeran: “I can’t believe that’s you.”

Me: “I looked different back then. You should know how a different hair color and set of clothes can alter your appearance. Add makeup and I was basically a different person.”

Saeyoung: “I have good news and bad news.”

Me: “I want the bad news first.”

Saeyoung: “This isn’t the only video we found, apparently he uploaded all his collection and I’m pretty sure there are a few of the two of you that you didn’t know about.”

Me: “Jesus fucking Christ, I hope he’s rotting in hell or else I’d kill him if he were still alive. Ugh. What’s the good news?”

Saeyoung: “You’re famous in the amateur BDSM community.”

Me: “Babe, how is that good news? It’s not something I’m proud of.”

Saeyoung: “I get to marry a porn star!”

Me: “I should gag you and leave you hanging from the ceiling.”

Saeran: “Don’t give him ideas, I don’t want to clean up after that mess.”

Me: “Ah, so you did see all the videos. Did it change your mind about me?”

Saeran: “Only that you’re capable of much more than I thought possible.”

Me: “I guess. Keep in mind that not all of it was consensual. What looked like rape really was rape and I’ve never been fond of being sliced open.”

Saeyoung: “That was really difficult to watch. The more blood and fluids you had on your face your makeup would wear off and it was easier to identify your eyes but getting to that point was painful to see.”

Me: “Yeah, gel eyeliner is the best. I’d coat my eyes with that. I miss the Fetish Goth look sometimes, I had really cool shoes and latex bodysuits.”

Saeran: “When did you start dressing like you do now?”

Me: “I don’t remember, I guess by the end of my relationship with that asshole when I tried to run away so he wouldn’t recognize me.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t think anybody could recognize you, you’d make a great secret agent, 606.”

Saeran: “Did you always dress like that?”

Me: “No, I toned it down in public. I did wear the mini skirts and boots when I went clubbing though, I had outfits for every day normal things, night life, work, and sex all in shades of black and red. Now I just have work and every day clothes with a few dresses here and there, sexy but not slutty. Light colors prevail now, the complete opposite of how I dressed.”

Saeyoung: “You look really hot in latex with the spiked heels.”

Me: “Thanks. I guess I could get some of my old outfits back.”

Saeran: “You still have them?”

Me: “I put them in storage, the few items that survived. I didn’t want to get rid of all my clothes, that stuff is expensive, especially the boots, latex, and corsets. My favorite part was always dressing up and doing my makeup, it took a long time but the result was worth it; I was a different person, especially when I went clubbing, strutting around in heeled boots all badass, those were fun times, soiled with the memory of my ex”

Saeyoung: “If it makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to get your stuff back, you could always buy new ones.”

Me: “True. But some stuff is not that easy to find in the right size and all my things already fit unless I’ve gained weight which I doubt after all the exercise we do. Still, If you like that kind of thing I’m willing to dress up, maybe as a dominatrix, that could be fun and different. But if you guys really found several videos I can imagine what you saw and I’m sure you have questions.”

Saeyoung: “When you’re ready you can talk about it.”

Me: “You uncovered the past, what do you want to know?”

I took a swig of the soju bottle, I figured it’d be a long night.

Saeran: “How did it start?”

Me: “With angry sex. My relationship with him had already gotten physical in the domestic violence kind of way. We fucked after fighting and he was extra rough, I almost lost consciousness because he was choking me but I orgasmed. I felt disturbed. Didn’t really know how to process what happened and the fact that I was such a people pleaser made things more complicated. He seemed happy so I just went with it.”

Saeyoung: “Are you still a people pleaser?”

Me: “Not as much as before, I think I just use better judgment.”

Saeran: “What about your look?”

Me: “Oh. I always used to look like that, the only thing that changed was the latex and fetish shoes.”

Saeyoung: “You were a Goth?”

Me: “I looked like one, you don’t really stop being a Goth. I just blend in better without the dramatic make up and clothes, helps to keep a low profile. I know my ex has been dead for a while and won’t come looking for me but I got used to my new life. I’m sure you didn’t recognize me so easily in the videos. That’s why I deleted pictures with my face from social media when I left my ex and changed my appearance, so it’d be harder to find me.”

Saeran: “You did quite a good job at hiding your past.”

Me: “Thank you, it means a lot to me if it’s coming from you guys. I was lucky that I never had a lot of friends and my work was mostly done from home. My business appearance has been more or less the same except for my hair color and I used lipstick more often. I obviously stopped going to the same bars and clubs I frequented when I moved on my own but I always feared someone would recognize me from what was still left online so I changed my look and deleted most of my profiles.”

Saeran: “I found you after that, you were a hermit with no family.”

Me: “They live abroad, but yes, essentially I was alone and a different person. The few people that knew me were aware that I was cutting ties with my ex and old life so my change in appearance was not a big deal.”

Saeyoung: “You never cease to amaze me. Are there any other secrets left to be discovered online?”

Me: “I don’t think so. This wasn’t really a secret, just something I didn’t want to talk about unless it was necessary. It’s not comfortable to talk about my ex, much less sex with him, and I’m pretty horrified you actually saw all the videos. You can’t begin to comprehend the levels of embarrassment I feel. You’re probably wondering how or why I let myself do those things and I’m not even sure I can give you a proper answer.”

Saeyoung: “It’s ok I’m not even sure I want an answer. Some of it is quite disturbing even for me but it confirms what you said about the plastic surgeon. If he could do those things to you and your skin looks pretty flawless, that’s one hell of a doctor.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why I made an appointment before our trip, don’t want any visible scars. Can’t have my family thinking I live with vampires.”

Saeran: “You taste so delicious though.”

Me: “After my skin treatment you can’t bite me until we get back home from Hong Kong.”

Saeran: “Can we have sex in Hong Kong?”

Me: “Not at my sister’s house.”

Saeyoung: “There’s so much we can do over there and all you can think of is sex?”

Me: “It’s a valid question, we were talking about sex, I know there’s other things to do. Stop making me look like a sex crazed maniac.”

Saeyoung: “All the evidence points to that assumption.”

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out so I closed it. I felt annoyed. In a way he was right.

Saeran: “You’re not helping her.”

Saeyoung: “Says the one that thinks she’d fuck Zen.”

Saeran: “I think any guy would be jealous of him if his girlfriend is best friends with that guy.”

Me: “I guess, I love him like a brother though. Would you fuck yours?”

They collectively said NO.

Me: “Do you think he’s seen my videos? Maybe that’s why he asked if I was a porn star… Oh god, please tell me it’s not in his history.”

Saeyoung: “It’s not in his history.”

Me: “Are you just repeating or telling the truth?”

Saeyoung: “Telling the truth, as far as I know he might not even know what BDSM is.”

Me: “He’s not Yoosung, that didn’t even know what an S was. But perhaps he’s just not into that. His horrified face when he saw the bite marks is a reminder that my normal is someone else’s crazy idea.”

Saeran: “We’re all mad here, apparently.”

Saeyoung: “Tell me something, where do you have this storage?”

Me: “Oh, it’s not really mine, my parents have a storage where they keep the things that were too big or not worth moving overseas like furniture and fine china. That’s why it’s not registered under my name. They pay for it and I have a copy of the key. I wasn’t keeping it a secret, it just never came up.”

Saeran: “Always full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Me: “Beats being boring.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t think you could ever be boring. Predictable? Yes.”

Me: “Well, I’m not programmed to have random algorithms but I make up for it with my impulsive nature.”

Saeyoung: “And I love you for it.”

Me: “I love you too. Now, will you please delete the videos? I’d like to close that chapter of my life.”

Saeran: “So a new one might begin.”

Me: “Don’t get too excited. I don’t think I’m ready to jump into Fetish Mode any time soon. I feel pretty ashamed of myself and quite unnerved you guys saw me like that.”

Saeyoung: “It wasn’t all bad… ok, it was disturbing to watch, I kinda regret tracking down the videos but it’s because I expected to see homemade porn not 50 Shades of S&M. A warning would’ve been nice. To finish finding all of them we had to go to the deep dark web and there are things you can’t unsee. I guess you have a type, you’re into sadists.”

Me: “I’m sorry you guys. I’ll make it up to you. And I wouldn’t say that’s my type it just happens to be a coincidence. I can’t possibly know that when I meet someone. My ex was really charming when I started dating him.”

Saeran: “How long was your relationship with him?”

Me: “Around 5 years on and off.”

Saeran: “Where did you meet him?”

Me: “In college.”

There was an awkward silence.

Saeyoung: “It’s ok, you don’t have to do anything, at least now you know the videos are nowhere to be found.”

Saeran: “Except here.”

Me: “Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you 2. I’m really lucky. Sometimes I wonder what my life would’ve been like if I’d never gone to the apartment. I was such an automaton back then, going about my daily routine, living without really living, keeping myself busy with work and sharing a house with people I didn’t care for just so I’d feel safety in numbers.”

Saeyoung: “When did you find out he died?”

Me: “I think about a week or 2 before Saeran first messaged me. That’s why I went to the apartment, I wasn’t scared of running into him, I could finally go to the city without fear.”

Saeran: “I can see why you’d be afraid of him but you weren’t kidding when you said you hit him back even if he was bigger than you. There were a few videos where he hid a camera and we saw the fight happen with part of the aftermath.”

Me: “Oh, so you saw that too. I suspected he had a hidden camera but I never found it. If I had the footage I could’ve used it against him. Oh well.”

Saeyoung: “Watching it was unbearable. I knew it happened because you talked about it but seeing was a different thing altogether.”

Saeran: “Painful to watch, but mesmerizing seeing you defend yourself.”

Me: “Thanks, I guess. Now you know what I’ve been through, somewhat.”

Saeyoung: “You really are the strongest person I know.”

Saeran: “You weren’t exaggerating when you said you’d let your monster out. The video quality was crappy but you were so fierce.”

Me: “I’m sorry you had to see that but thank you.”

Saeyoung: “Don’t be sorry, in a way it was for the best because we got to know more about you and in the process understand you a bit better.”

Me: “Well, I hope it proves my point when I issue a warning. It means I’m being serious and you should tread lightly. I love you guys but I’m a lot less caring when my patience is being worn thin.”

Saeran: “Duly noted.”

Saeyoung: “Wouldn’t want you to unleash your wrath.”

Me: “I doubt I’d ever respond like that, my reactions were according to his.”

Saeran: “He was an asshole. I’m sorry for being jealous over Zen. I acted like a jerk. I should’ve trusted you. All you’ve done is take care of us and work, you deserve to have friends and fun on your own.”

Me: “I guess you saw one of his jealousy tantrums, I told him those words, that I deserved friends and fun, well, shouted would be more accurate. You know, I was always faithful even when he treated me like shit. I only had sex with other people when I was single. He wanted to have a threesome once with another girl but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to see him fuck someone else in front of me, I cared too much. That’s why there’s a difference between fucking and making love. When I love someone I submit myself to that person. It’s not easy to explain, I’m sorry.”

Saeran: “No, I understand. Seeing him kick and shout over someone talking to you put things into perspective. I don’t want to be like that. I should trust your judgment.”

Me: “If my past can help my present, I’m glad. You have no idea how hurt I was, I remembered the fights I had with my ex over his petty jealousy. I even considered lifting the hacking ban and let you track me.”

Saeran: “It won’t be necessary, if you were willing to do that for me it’s a clear sign that I shouldn’t worry. I’m truly sorry.”

Me: “It’s ok, I forgive you. I really love you Saeran. Perhaps under different circumstances I would totally fuck Zen, but, not while I’m engaged or have my heart hacked by the 2 of you.”

Saeran: “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Me: “I know. Lord knows I’m a sinner, I can’t really blame you.”

Saeyoung: “God Seven absolves you of your sins, you did nothing wrong.”

Me: “Thanks babe. I may not be pure and innocent but I’m fiercely loyal.”

Saeyoung: “We believe you. Your ex was too insecure to appreciate what he had in front of him.”

Me: “Thanks. I’m happy to be appreciated.”

Saeran: “Why did you stay with him for so long?”

Me: “It’s complicated. My brain knew he was bad for me but my heart had a mind of its own. A codependent relationship would be the easiest way to describe it. I already mentioned before that he wasn’t always an asshole. What you saw was just one aspect of what I lived with him. I had happy moments too, it wasn’t all bad.”

Saeyoung: “I’m glad because I still don’t know what to think about all this.”

Me: “I guess it’s a lot to absorb but just don’t think I’m a glutton for punishment, because I’m not. I let myself be used to satisfy him, there was a lot of emotional manipulation going on, that’s why I don’t really want to talk about it in detail because I can’t explain well, I’ve tried to forget it all.”

Saeran: “You were his fuck toy.”

Me: “Essentially, yes.”

Saeyoung: “You should get some sleep.”

Me: “I have a lot on my mind now, not sure if I can rest.”

Saeran: “We can watch a movie.”

I smiled in response. The twins really know how to cheer me up, I love them so much. They deleted all the videos and Saeran picked a movie to watch, we went to the living room and they each sat at my side.

Eventually I fell asleep and when I woke up I was on the bed, they carried me at some point. Saeran was sleeping beside me but I didn’t see his brother in the room. I had to get ready for work but my sweet boyfriend had an arm over me making it hard for me to move. I cuddled closer to him and pressed my lips to his neck.

“Saeran-shin, I have to go to work.” I told him softly.

He groaned “No you don’t.” and held me tighter.

“Ayyy, not so tight.” I complained.

“Please stay.” he whispered.

Saeran looked down at me and I stared into his groggy golden eyes. He looked just like Saeyoung from that close, he takes off his contacts before bed.

Me: “You make it very hard for me to say no. I really should go to the office, I want to do as much as I can before our trip.”

Saeran: “You can work from home and you know it.”

Me: “I’ve tried that before and hardly get any work done with you guys around me.”

Saeran: “I promise I won’t bother you. You can work in my room if you want and I’ll stay out of your way.”

I licked his lips playfully and he smirked, shifting his body to hover over me. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me.

Me: “You make a tempting offer. Will you cook for me if I stay?”

Saeran: “Anything you want.”

Me: “What’s with the neediness? Did you have nightmares again?”

Saeran: “I just want to spend some time with you and no, I didn’t have nightmares just let me be a caring boyfriend.”

Me: “Alright caring boyfriend, let me go so I can call the office and let them know I won’t be going.”

Saeran: “You’re really going to stay?”

Me: “Sure, you asked nicely and offered me a home cooked meal and a space to work in, as long as you don’t interrupt me I don’t see why not. It’d be nice to work in my robe, I get tired of dressing up for the office.”

He lowered his face to meet mine and lightly kissed my nose, I must’ve blushed because he widened his eyes and smirked. I mussed his hair and he laughed. I’d grown to love his laugh, it didn’t have the same tone as before, I could tell he was genuinely happy and that made me smile.

Me: “I love you so much, you don’t know how much it means to me to see you laugh with joy.”

Saeran: “I never thought I’d feel like this. You make me really happy.”

Me: “I’m glad, I try.”

Saeran: “Your efforts don’t go unnoticed.”

Me: “Ah well, it’s easy when you’re being so cute and sweet.”

Saeran: “You think I’m cute? I thought I was sexy.”

Me: “Of course. You’re both. Do you need a shower of compliments?”

Saeran: “No, I think I’m fine. Go call the office.”

Me: “Right.”

He let me go and I got up to get my phone. I had left it in the living room. I had a text from Saeyoung, it said he was in his work shop, I knew better than to bother him, I only interrupt him after a long period only to make sure he’s drinking water and letting him know food is ready. I called the office to check in and let them know I’d be working from home. Sooner or later Jumin would call me to make sure I was alright. He was the first to oppose that I moved in with the twins, saying that I should wait until after the wedding. Now that he knows I’m sleeping with both of them his remarks have gotten worse. He has such a narrow mindset. The other day I sent him an email about an article I was writing and he told me to send it twice since that’s how I prefer things. I laughed of course at his attempt of shade but whatever, it’s a good thing he’s not my direct boss. My work for C&R Magazine rarely needs to interact with the Hans, I mostly meet with Jumin for RFA related things. I went to brush my teeth and when I walked towards the kitchen Saeran was making coffee.

Me: “I was just about to make some.”

Saeran: “I figured so I went ahead and made it for you.”

Me: “I could get used to this.”

Saeran: “You do enough already, the least I can do is cook and make coffee. I don’t want to feel taken care of anymore.”

I put my arms around his waist and looked up at him, lightly kissing his lips.

Me: “So are you going to take care of me now?”

Saeran: “If you let me.”

Me: “You look really cute when you’re being sweet.”

He leaned down to peck my lips and lifted me by grabbing my butt so I wrapped my legs around him.

Saeran: “Do I still look cute?”

Me: “Ay, well, your cuteness never lasts long, you jump to sexy beast in a heartbeat. You go from puppy eyes to ‘I want to devour you’ pretty fast.”

Saeran: “Part of my charm, huh?”

He leaned on the counter and brushed his lips along my neck, sending shivers down my spine and kissed the flesh tenderly, running along my collarbone and then up my neck, I mussed his hair and grabbed a handful, he responded by holding me tighter and licking my lips.

Me: “Are you having me for breakfast?”

Saeran: “Mmmm tempting. Don’t you have work to do?”

Me: “If you wanted me to work right now you shouldn’t have grabbed me like this. You’re holding on to my ass and my chest is pressing yours, how am I supposed to think of work?”

Saeran: “Good point.”

He maneuvered one of his hands to slide my panties to the side and enter a finger, I moaned softly when I felt his finger inside me.”

Saeran: “So wet for me, mmm?

He added 2 more fingers and curled them inside, moving them around to further arouse me.

Me: “Ayy Saeran-shin, not here in the kitchen.”

Saeran: “Yes, here in the kitchen.”

He let go of my legs and turned me around so my back was facing him, he leaned into my ear and spoke softly.

Saeran: “Can I fuck your brains out right here?”

Me: “On one condition.”

Saeran: “Which is?”

Me: “I want you to be a little rougher than usual.”

Saeran: “You’ll let me be more aggressive?”

Me: “Let’s test the waters and find out how you do.”

Saeran: “Do you trust me?”

Me: “Of course I do but safe word applies.”

Saeran: “Always.”

He slowly licked me from my shoulder up to my cheek, my skin tingled in response.

Saeran: “You taste so delicious.”

He circled his arms around me and slowly took off my clothes, kissing my skin in intervals, he started from my neck and went down my back. He turned me around and went straight to licking my thighs, biting them and inching closer to my wet folds until he finally got there and I gasped, clenching a handful of his hair. He sucked on my clit and entered me with his tongue but he didn’t let me climax, he stood up just when I was getting close. He wanted to play the teasing game, not my favorite but I knew the reward would be worth the wait. Saeran delivered as promised.

He wanted me to beg for his dick. He made it easy by making me grow desperate since he had stripped my clothes but he kept his on and he fingered and licked me but stepped back when I was ready to orgasm. He enjoyed watching me squirm with frustration of being denied my release. When I attempted to reach for his pants he grabbed my hands and held me by the wrists.

Saeran: “Uh uh. You don’t get this until I say so. But if you want it you know what to do.”

I got on my knees and he let go of my hands. He whipped out his cock without taking off his pants and pulled my head towards him brusquely, I quickly opened my mouth to receive his erection, I ended up gagging, he grabbed my hair to bob my head and I moved along with him to prevent choking. I asked him to be rough and rough is what I got, he fucked my throat so hard his cum on my tongue was a welcome relief when I swallowed it.

Saeran: “Ah, you must be really thirsty.”

He went to get a glass of water but he didn’t give it to me, instead he took a mouthful, pulled me up by my hair and kissed me to force the water down my throat. I swallowed in gulps and he pressed my body closer to his. He broke the kiss to drink more and pass some to me with his mouth, I got the hang of swallowing it without feeling like he was drowning me. He dropped his pants while we made out and finally thrust inside me, he did so forcefully by pulling my hair back when he entered.

I was really wet so it wasn’t painful but he indeed surprised me with the sudden move that I gasped and broke the kiss. He thrust harder and faster, squeezing my body in our embrace and digging his nails into my skin, when he bit down on my shoulder I moaned loudly but he quickly muffled the noise with his hand. I widened my eyes a bit but he smirked, while he kept his pace he lowered his hand to squeeze my chin and moved to my neck softly and squeezed very gently to gauge my reaction. I took a deep breath and nodded, he tightened his grip and continued to fuck me pretty hard while gripping my neck, I was close to climax and made a noise but he felt my walls spasm, I was feeling lightheaded, he let go of my neck at the right moment and turned me around so he could fuck me from behind. I supported my weight on the counter while he hammered me, he pulled my hair and I yelped between moans. Saeyoung showed up, I didn’t see him come in but I heard him speak.

Saeyoung: “I thought you were at the office but I heard the unmistakable sound of your voice.”

I tried to look sideways but my head just sort of lolled and I made a moaning sound in response. Saeran leaned closer to me and grabbed my breasts, pulling my torso a little bit upright, my arms flopped to my sides.

Saeran: “Care to join us?”

Saeyoung: “Is she alright?”

Saeran: “Of course she is. Ask her.”

Saeyoung: “Babe, are you ok?”

I nodded, Saeran was still inside me, he let go of one of my breasts and squeezed my neck again, tightening his grip with every thrust until letting go when he climaxed. My legs were shaky and my vision got blurry, luckily he caught me before I lost my balance.

Me: “You’re always there when I’m going to fall.”

Saeran: “It’s not my fault you’re so clumsy.”

Saeyoung: “So this is what you’ve been up to. Did you eat? You look pale.”

Saeran: “We didn’t get to eat breakfast yet.”

Saeyoung: “You shouldn’t skip meals and jump to sex. Alright, go shower and I’ll cook something. Do you need help getting her to the bathroom?”

Saeran: “I think I can manage.”

He picked me up and I was carried to the bathroom.

Saeran: “You look like a mess. More than usual.”

Me: “That was the point, wasn’t it?”

Saeran: “Did you enjoy yourself?”

It hurt a little to speak so I nodded.

Saeran: “I have to admit, it was really sexy teasing you and then riding you so hard. You make a nice fuck toy.”

I smiled and put my arms around him, the shower was pouring over us and he kissed me deeply while lathering my shoulders and back, sending shivers down my spine. I broke the kiss to catch my breath, I’d felt ragged for quite a while. He looked at me curiously and smirked.

Saeran: “I love you.”

Me: “Are you sure it’s me you love or my body?”

I stuck my tongue out, leaned in and growled, pretending to bite him.

Saeran: “Trying to use my own words against me?”

Me: “How does it feel?”

Saeran: “Unpleasant. I’m sorry for being too harsh on you.”

Me: “It’s ok, but don’t ignore my question.”

Saeran: “Can I love both? You took a punch for me, that’s probably when I realized I had started to have feelings for you. You accepted me and put a lot of effort in making this place a home filled with love and warmth.”

Me: “I’m glad you feel that way. We all have pretty dark pasts, it was fate that we met and found ways to heal the pain.”

Saeran: “You seem to enjoy the pain though.”

He caressed my neck and shoulders.

Me: “Some pain can be pleasurable, but I have my limits.”

Saeran: “I know. I appreciate you trusting me.”

He kissed my forehead and I smiled. We finished showering and got dressed to meet with Saeyoung for breakfast.

Saeyoung: “I made omelets, I threw away the first one because it looked ugly and had egg shells but I got the hang of it on my second try.”

Me: “It’s ok, I can go grocery shopping today. This looks delicious.”

Saeran: “Yeah, it does. Great job brother.”

Saeyoung: “Ah, thanks. Let’s eat.”

Breakfast was good, I complimented Saeyoung on how the food tasted and looked. I guess all those times he practiced cooking paid off.

Me: “If it’s going to be like this when I stay maybe I should work from home more often.”

Saeran: “You’ll get spoiled.”

Saeyoung: “If it becomes routine you’ll find it less fun.”

Me: “I doubt I could get tired of you guys.”

Saeyoung: “Oh ho, bold statement. You looked pretty tired earlier and you were only with 1 of us.”

Me: “Ha ha. That’s not what I meant.”

Saeyoung: “I know, but still, there’s a reason I turned our room into a work free environment and bought Rika’s apartment. It’s important to have a space to work in without distractions. We fooled around plenty of times and didn’t get much work done when you moved in.”

Me: “Yeah, I remember. I always manage to meet my deadlines though. Even if I don’t work today I can catch up tomorrow, I work efficiently under pressure.”

Saeran: “No kidding.”

Me: “Why does every topic end up being about sex?”

Saeyoung: “You make it too easy. Speaking of, I saw you upped the level of roughness. Are you ok?”

Me: “Yeah, emotionally I’m fine and physically I’ll be sore and have bruises but it’ll pass. Saeran was teasing me so I thought I’d let him have his way.”

Saeran: “I asked first, I didn’t do anything she didn’t approve of.”

Saeyoung: “I believe you. I just didn’t think she’d be so eager to go a bit more hard core so quickly.”

Me: “I didn’t think so either but the moment felt right or else I wouldn’t have suggested it.”

Saeyoung: “So it was your idea.”

Me: “For the sex to be rough, yes, but he initiated the teasing.”

Saeran: “I got nervous when I saw your eyes roll to the back of your head but then you snapped out of it.”

Me: “Oh yeah, I got lightheaded but then you let go of my neck and I caught my breath. I hadn’t felt that in a long time, don’t worry, it’s normal. I forgot to tell you how long you can choke me for before I lose consciousness but I wasn’t too sure myself since I’m out of practice so we’ll have to work on that but for your first time you did great.”

Saeran: “Uh, thanks I guess. Still, it’s a little worrying.”

Saeyoung: “That’s what happens when you play dangerous games.”

Me: “You know me, I’m all about the danger.”

Saeyoung: “I wish you wouldn’t joke like that. You know I worry.”

Me: “I don’t worry because God Seven can always revive me.”

Saeyoung: “I want to laugh but this is serious, you should be more careful.”

Me: “Don’t worry my love. I know my limits.”

Saeyoung: “I suppose, after what I saw I’m not going to comment on that.”

Me: “Trust me, and your brother too.”

Saeyoung: “I do trust you guys.”

Me: “Well then, if you don’t mind, I should get some work done. I promised I’d send over the drafts by this afternoon. Saeyoung, can I borrow your laptop? Mine’s at the office.”

Saeyoung: “Of course, you can use my workshop if you want.”

Me: “Really? I thought I’d work in Saeran’s room.”

Saeyoung: “No, it’s fine, I think I’m going to sleep. You can work there.”

Saeran: “I’ll clean up then.”

Me: “Well, ok have a nice nap.”

I kissed the boys and went to Saeyoung’s office. I was surprised to see his desk uncluttered. I quickly checked the trash to see how many empty soda cans and bags of chips I’d find but surprisingly there weren’t that many, I guess he’s learning to eat better. That made me really happy, I had warned him of the consequences of his poor diet choices and gave a detailed account of the pain that is having kidney stones. I turned on the laptop, started downloading my files from the server and quickly got to work. When I got tired of waiting for a response from a client I glanced around the room and saw some of the prototype toys Saeyoung was working on. Jumin had given him the idea of making a marketable cat robot, the problem is that Saeyoung had to design a new AI that would be suitable to pass inspection as a children’s toy, so he’s been working on that. He finds it restraining that he can’t include certain features he comes up with and ends up making something else instead.

Sometimes he asks me for advice before presenting the concept to Jumin since I pretty much know by now what his reaction will be. The idea is to make the cat robot and depending on how well the sales are, a dog would be the second model. Ideally, Saeyoung would like to open his own toy shop, he dreamed about it once and I told him it’s a great idea, but if he makes his first toy through a C&R branch company, he can have direct access to the sales statistics of what the demographic is and other detailed reports that could be helpful. Jumin is very meticulous and has people that can do all the marketing and financial reports, it’s easier to work for him and depending on how it goes he can always branch off since Saeyoung is the owner of the patents. I’m really proud of him, I know how hard it’s been for him keeping busy ever since he abandoned the agency. Once you’re a hacker you’re always a hacker. I’m sure that’s why he wanted to find my videos, it gave him an excuse to put his hacking skills back in use, as well as Saeran’s. It’s not easy living under the same roof with 2 of Korea’s most proficient hackers, it’s easy to forget that Saeyoung was the secret agent 707 Extreme and Saeran was a brainwashed cultist. And because of fate or destiny or pure luck we ended up together, I fell in love with the Choi brothers and they fell in love with me. As I write it down I still find it hard to believe. My life is truly surreal. I already accepted that I’m going to Hong Kong with the 2 of them and that I’m presenting them as my life partners. At this point I can’t imagine my life without either of them and they’re my happiness.

It wouldn’t be fair to hide that from my family. I’ve been independent ever since my parents left so their opinion of me shouldn’t matter. I’m truly happy right now. I have a stable job, I’m in a loving relationship, have friends, and partake in healthy hobbies. If they wish to call me a libertine or shameless slut, so be it, and if they accept my decision, that would be great. I really doubt they were going to come to the wedding anyway, Saeyoung thought it would be cool to live stream it, we’ll see what happens. The anxiety grows exponentially the closer the date to our vacation. Maybe that’s why I’ve been having so much sex lately, to relieve the stress and not think about my worries. I got it take it slow though, it was a mistake to let them get rougher with me. When I had hardcore sex with my ex, I worked from home so I didn’t have to hide my bruises but I work at an office now, it’s a good thing autumn started so I’m wearing clothes that cover me up but it’s still a little daunting when I look in the mirror and remember that time Zen visited and saw my marks. I’m supposed to meet with him for drinks after work, so all kinky evidence will be hidden. I really miss dressing up all slutty and hitting the clubs. I had a friend that was my partner in crime, we’d both get all dolled up and hit the bars together, carry each other when we got really drunk, those were the days. My only drinking buddy now is Zen and I can’t really do the same things with him, but I do like singing karaoke, that’s our thing. I’m really happy Saeran got over being jealous of him, at least to my face. I think it’s really important to have friends, I already lived without any.

Since my ex would get jealousy fits I eventually stopped talking to people, including my family. Only people I had communication with outside the house was my boss, and I didn’t have to go to the office very often. So I was pretty isolated apart from my social media, and even over that he would throw a tantrum every now and then. Looking back, I don’t know how I managed to stay with him for so long. I mean, I did try to leave a few times but was manipulated into coming back or he wouldn’t let me leave, the one time I resolved into dumping him forever is when he dragged me back and almost killed me. I guess when Saeran saw my ex beating me over a stupid jealousy fit he realized how idiotic it was for him to doubt me. I was pretty ashamed that the twins saw me in various questionable situations because I’m sure it was really painful to watch some of it. Especially the beatings and non consensual sex, but on the bright side Saeyoung is less protective of me and more observant. They’ve become pros in the aftercare and I don’t have to tell them what to get or how to apply, they only ask where it hurts and get to work. In that sense, I’m really lucky. My ex was the opposite, I basically had to lick my wounds, the only favor he granted was the plastic surgeon and for that I was grateful because he did some serious damage to my skin.

That’s enough rambling. I was in Saeyoung’s workshop and finished work earlier than I expected. That was that, I turned off the computer and went to the bedroom to look for him. He was asleep so I changed clothes to go grocery shopping. I sent the twins a text and left.

I don’t usually leave the house on a weekday before noon so I didn’t expect to run into so much traffic, a trip that would normally take 15 minutes turned into a 40 minute drive. I was aggravated to say the least but I got to the supermarket, bought groceries and a 12 pack for my troubles. When I got home I put a few beers in the freezer and organized most of the groceries, Saeyoung walked into the kitchen, hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek.

Me: “Hey babe, sleep well?”

Saeyoung: “I did, need help?”

Me: “I’m almost done but you can put away the cans that are in that bag.”

Saeyoung: “Did you finish working?”

Me: “I finished earlier than I expected and went grocery shopping.”

Saeyoung: “I see that, you went by yourself, you usually take Saeran with you. Was he busy?”

Me: “I didn’t check if he was busy, I saw you sleeping and remembered I had to buy groceries so I changed and left. I tried to hurry but there was a lot of traffic. I wanted to get back before you woke up and have lunch ready but here you are.”

Saeyoung: “You’re so sweet. We can make lunch together.”

Me: “Alright. You can cut the vegetables while I prepare the meat.”

Saeyoung: “I think there’s some leftover kimchi in the refrigerator.”

Me: “Ok, I’ll check if it’s still good.”

We got busy in the kitchen, cooking, not fucking. It was a different vibe.

Cooking with Saeyoung is completely different than cooking with his brother. He’s so funny and warm, cracking jokes and being silly. I had such a blast. Eventually Saeran showed up, aroused by the smell of food or the sound of our laughter.

Me: “Hey there carrot top!”

Saeran: “Welcome home.”

I smiled wide and opened my arms, he walked slowly towards me and I hugged him tightly.

Me: “I’m sorry I didn’t take you with me, it was supposed to be a quick trip but traffic happened.”

Saeran: “It’s ok.”

He kissed my forehead and put his arm over his brother.

Saeran: “What’s for lunch?

Saeyoung: “Bulgogi.”

Me: “Saeran, set the table.”

He nodded and started to take out the plates. I went to the refrigerator and took out one of the beers from the freezer. When they heard me open the can they looked in my direction.

Me: “What? Why are you even surprised?”

Saeyoung: “I’m not, it’s just that if I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re related to Zen.”

Me: “Well, he IS like my brother, so, close enough.”

Saeran: “Feeling stressed?”

Me: “Not right now, but I WAS earlier, that traffic jam really threw me off into full blown road rage so when I saw the beer on sale at the supermarket I grabbed it without thinking and put a few in the fridge when I got here.”

Saeran: “So it’s not because of work?”

Me: “No, work was easy. I did think about our upcoming trip a bit and that has me a little anxious, but I’ll be fine.”

Saeyoung: “I’m anxious too. I’ve never spoken with your family.”

Me: “We could try video chat. My mom sometimes calls when I’m at work to make sure I’ve eaten. She says I look too skinny and I assure her I’m eating well, she even asked if I’m exercising and I laughed and told her I get plenty of physical activity and she told me to quit it.”

Saeran: “That’s funny.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Saeyoung: “Call her after lunch.”

Me: “You think so? You want to talk to my mom?”

Saeran: “We’ll have to eventually, right?”

Me: “True. Alright. Let’s eat. She’s likely to call anyway since it’s been a few days since our last chat but if she doesn’t, I’ll call her.”

Saeyoung: “If you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to.”

Me: “No, it’s fine, I want my mom to see how happy I am at home. She usually sees me bored, stressed, or distracted since she calls when I’m at the office or on my lunch break.”

Saeran: “What’s she like?”

Me: “She’s smart, kind, friendly, and caring. At times she’s very blunt in how she expresses her opinion and sarcastic too.”

Saeyoung: “I guess you’re a bit like her.”

Me: “I suppose so.”

Saeran: “The table is set.”

I chugged my beer and sat with them to eat, just as I suspected my mom called during our lunch.

[Me: Hi Mom.]

[Mom: Hi sweetie, are you at a restaurant?]

[Me: No mom, I’m at home.]

[Mom: Oh, you eating lunch at the house?]

[Me: Yes, I’m with the twins. Want to say hi?]

[Mom: Oh, I finally get to see them. Let me say hi to Saeyoung.]

[Saeyoung: Hi Mrs. Mun.]

[Mom: Ah Saeyoung, nice to see you. I trust my daughter is keeping you well fed, all I see her eat is salad that’s why she looks so thin, my poor girl looks like she can break. I hope you’re not on the same diet as her.]

[Saeyoung: Haha, we made bulgogi. Don’t worry, she eats salads at the office but we always have home cooked meals.]

[Mom: Oooh, you helped cook? What a nice man, very happy to hear that. Her cooking gets sloppy when she’s tired, it’s good for her to have an extra pair of helping hands.]

[Saeyoung: My brother cooks pretty often and I help out too.]

[Mom: Oh that’s so wonderful. I worry so much about her but knowing that she’s well taken care of is a mother’s dream. She’s lucky to have someone else cook when she’s tired, it seems like she’s always working, it’s a miracle I caught her at the house. Let me see your brother.]

[Saeyoung: “She takes good care of us, it’s only fair we help take care of her too. Bye Mrs. Mun.]

He handed my phone to Saeran.

[Mom: You really are identical. Did your mother ever have trouble distinguishing the two of you?]

[Saeran: Hello Mrs. Mun. Not really, I was a very sickly child compared to my brother.]

[Mom: Aw, I’m so sorry to hear that, but you grew into a handsome young man and seem fine to me, do you still suffer from any condition?]

[Saeran: I am much better now, thank you, your daughter has been very kind to me and I’ve recovered greatly.]

[Mom: Yes, she’s very giving, always putting others before herself. But I’m relieved to know her hard work paid off and has 2 men that look after her. Make sure she eats well, she still looks so thin, if she eats well at home she should start taking food with her to work. Pack her lunch so she eats something that’s not salad. Salad is not a meal, it’s a side dish.]

[Saeran: That’s a good idea Mrs. Mun.]

[Mom: Sweet boy, pass her the phone now, it was nice to see you.]

[Saeran: Bye Mrs. Mun.]

[Mom: Alright sweetie, finish your lunch, I won’t bother you any longer.]

[Me: You’re not bothering me Mom, say hi to Dad and Chin-Mae for me.]

[Mom: You should call your sister and say hi to your nephews.]

[Me: I will, maybe during the weekend.]

[Mom: Or I tell her to call you, ok?]

[Me: Ok ma, love you.]

[Mom: Take care baby, don’t skip your meals. Saeyoung, make sure she eats. Ok?]

[Saeyoung: Yes, Mama Mun.]

[Mom: Alright, bye boys, bye bye sweetie.]

[Me: Bye Ma.]

I hung up and got up to get another beer.

Saeyoung: “That went better than I expected.”

Me: “What did you expect?”

Saeyoung: “I don’t know, I don’t have experience dealing with mothers.”

Saeran: “I’m sure any mother is better than ours was.”

Me: “I’m lucky to have loving parents. I think she’s happy for me.”

Saeran: “She called me handsome.”

Saeyoung: “She said we’re identical, that makes me handsome too.”

Me: “You’re both gorgeous and incredibly sexy.”

Saeran: “So are you.”

Saeyoung: “Why does she think you’re thin?”

Me: “Because compared to my sister I’m really skinny. Her idea of looking healthy is being chubby.”

Saeran: “Ah, that makes sense. I thought it was weird she said you looked so thin when you seem average enough.”

Me: “She’ll probably force me to eat a lot when I’m over there.”

Saeyoung: “That’s ok, you can burn the calories off later pretty easily.”

Me: “Oh ha ha..”

Saeran: “He has a point though.”

Me: “Yeah yeah, I suppose so. Let’s just finish lunch.”

Saeran: “Are you done with work?”

Me: “For now, I have to wait on my boss to send me some drafts and I’m guessing that’ll happen tomorrow, but she’ll email me if she needs me.”

I chugged my beer and sat at the table with them to eat.

Saeyoung: “Still have plans with Zen for tomorrow?”

Me: “He hasn’t canceled but he’ll let me know if anything comes up. Why?”

Saeyoung: “I’m just worried about your liver.”

Me: “Babe, my liver will be fine and I don’t think you’re one to talk considering your diet choices if it weren’t for me.”

Saeyoung: “Ah, you caught me. I drink less soda now though.”

Me: “And I drink less alcohol, so there, we’re even.”

Saeran: “It’s a miracle you’re alive considering all you would drink and eat was Dr. Pepper and Honey Butter Chips.”

Me: “Yeah, my main motivation to moving in here was feeding you properly.”

Saeyoung: “That’s uh, sweet. I appreciate you feeding me. I didn’t mean for you to end up taking care of us though.”

Me: “That’s what loving someone is about, you take care of that person.”

Saeran: “Our past is void of that. You grew up in a loving family.”

Me: “True, but good thing we live in the present. I have enough love for the both of you.”

Saeyoung: “And enough holes.”

They chuckled and high fived.

Me: “Oh ha ha you guys.”

Saeran: “He has a point though.”

Me: “Guess I’m not the only one with their mind permanently in the gutter.”

Saeyoung: “It’s fun to tease you and you make it too easy.”

Saeran: “It’s cute when you get annoyed. You squint your eyes and pucker your lips, it’s adorable.”

Me: “Yeah ok whatever.”

I got up to go to the kitchen and Saeyoung trailed me. He stood nearby to watch me as I opened my beer.

Me: “Want one?”

Saeyoung: “Sure.”

Me: “Really?”

Saeyoung: “Any reason why you chose that brand? Cass Red 69?”

I laughed, almost spitting my beer.

Me: “That’s not a 69, it’s 6.9. It has a higher percentage of alcohol.”

Saeyoung: “Does it really ‘Taste like passion’?”

Me: “Of course not, it’s just a shitty slogan. They were on sale, ok?”

Saeyoung: “I can give you a taste of real passion.”

Me: “Sounds tempting.”

He took my beer and tried some, he winced a bit.

Saeyoung: “How can you drink this?”

Me: “I’m used to drinking beer. You’re not. I don’t buy it for the taste, just the alcohol content. A few of these give me a good buzz. In your case one or 2 might be enough. Do you want one Saeran?”

Saeran: “Only because I’m curious of the label.”

Me: “Alright, I want to take a picture of the red heads drinking Cass Red.”

Saeran: “Want to take a picture doing the 69 as well?”

Me: “Oh ha ha, no. I’m sure nobody in the chat wants to see that.”

Saeyoung: “It might be educational to Yoosung and Jumin.”

Me: “Jesus fucking Christ, I said no, just stop it with the 69 already.”

Saeyoung: “Wouldn’t you like to 69?”

Me: “I don’t oppose to doing it just no cameras involved. Stop ganging up on me, fuck, all of this fuss over a beer label.”

Saeran: “I thought you loved us ganging up on you.”

I scoffed and folded my arms, I didn’t know what else to say.

Saeyoung: “You have to appreciate the irony of you choosing a beer that’s a red can with Taste of passion for a slogan and a 6.9 that looks like 69.”

They chuckled, Saeyoung finished my beer and Saeran opened one.

Me: “Well, you’re always on my mind, I wanted to get back home as soon as possible. Ever since I met you red and orange hold a different meaning to me. I always liked red, it’s my favorite color you know.”

Saeran: “I didn’t know, it’s mine too.”

I smiled and mussed his hair.

Saeyoung: “Is that why you love us? Our red hair?”

Me: “Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. Your hair color is just part of your charm. Saeran looked pretty hot when he had bleached hair but he was psychotic at the time so I can’t find that sexy but it suited him.”

Saeran: “You thought I was hot?”

Me: “Well, not under the conditions we met, but I still remember what you looked like. Your natural hair suits you better though.”

Saeran: “I only bleached it so I wouldn’t see my brother’s face when I looked in the mirror, it’s probably the same reason why I still wear contacts, to be a little different than him.”

Saeyoung: “Should I dye mine? I think I’d look cute with black hair.”

Me: “I don’t care what color your hair is Saeyoung, I love you because you make me happy. Nobody makes me laugh the way you do.”

Saeran: “Remind me why you love me.”

Me: “You complete me. You’re my best friend that never lets me fall.”

Saeran: “It’s not my fault you’re clumsy.”

Saeyoung: “If she falls, her bumper breaks her fall, she’d bounce back up.”

They snickered.

Me: “Oh ha ha, that’s not how butts work.”

Saeran: “Show us then.”

Me: “Finish your beer.”

I must’ve looked really pissed.

Saeyoung: “Aw babe, I’m sorry.”

Me: “You should be, I’m pouring my heart out and I get mocked in return.”

He leaned in and lifted my chin to kiss me. Saeran hugged me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder.

Saeran: “You complete me too. I’ve never felt this happy before.”

Saeyoung: “That’s because she’s sweet like ice cream.”

Me: “Why do I always end up sandwiched between the two of you?”

Saeyoung: “Because Choi sandwich is your favorite?”

Me: “Maybe I should go on a diet.”

Saeyoung: “Your mother told us to make sure you’re well fed.”

Me: “I doubt this is what she had in mind.”

Saeran: “I doubt that’s what you really want.”

Me: “True. I’d like to drink my beer though.”

Saeran let go and got me a beer.

Saeyoung: “Cheers!”

Me: “Cheers.”

Saeran lifted his beer and smiled, we all took a sip, well, I downed half of mine in gulps.

Saeyoung: “Dr. Pepper tastes better than this.”

Me: “Of course it does, it’s sweet and doesn’t have alcohol. If you want a nice tasting drink with alcohol I could prepare some if I buy the ingredients or take you to a bar and order for you, I’m used to drinking cheap alcohol, I don’t really care for the taste, well, I do, but my standards are pretty low.”

Saeran: “Is that why you fell in love with Saeyoung?”

Saeyoung: “Ouch, bro.”

Me: “If that were the case, I wonder what it means to love the 2 of you.”

Saeran: “That you love trash.”

Me: “I guess so.”

Saeyoung: “But we’re YOUR trash.”

Me: “Then maybe I should take you both outside.”

Saeyoung: “What do you have in mind?”

Me: “How about we go to my parents’ storage and get my stuff?”

Saeyoung: “Now?”

Me: “Do you have anything better to do?”

Saeyoung: “I should get some work done, Jumin wants me to have the AI ready by the end of the week. Why don’t you go with Saeran?”

Me: “I wanted all of us to go but it’s ok, it’s not urgent, it was just an idea that popped out of nowhere.”

Saeran: “I could use the fresh air.”

Me: “Ok, but you’re driving.”

Saeran: “Even better.”

I placed my hand on Saeyoung’s cheek and asked him if he was okay in staying home and he nodded cheerfully saying it was fine.

Me: “Alright babe, I’ll see you later then.”

Saeyoung: “Call me when you’re on the way back.”

Me: “Of course, do you want me to get you anything?”

Saeyoung: “A Tesla car.”

Me: “That’s out of my budget.”

Saeyoung: “I know honey, that’s why I have to work hard.”

Me: “Alright babe.”

He kissed me and headed towards his workshop. Saeran already had my car keys in his hand.

Saeran: “Can I really drive?”

Me: “Yeah, just let me grab my purse first. I’ve never seen you drive, do you even know how?”

Saeran: “Yeah.”

Me: “If you say so, but if you’re a lousy driver I’m taking over.”

Saeran: “You’ve been drinking.”

Me: “True, but I’m not drunk. Let’s go, I’m a little excited.”

Saeran: “Why?”

Me: “It’s the first time you’re going to take me somewhere as my boyfriend and that thought makes me really happy.”

Saeran: “Oh. Our lives are really different now. You join me willingly.”

Me: “Love is stronger than fear.”

Saeran: “You’d still look cute with a leash.”

Me: “What?”

Saeran: “Haha, I was just remembering when I used to watch you.”

Me: “When you were in Mint Eye?”

Saeran: “Yes, when I had all sorts of sordid plans.”

Me: “Well, if one of them included a leash that doesn’t sound sordid, I probably have one in storage.”

Saeran: “You’re really something else.”

Me: “You should know by now I’m no stranger to chains.”

Saeran: “True. I’m just amazed at how casual you are about these topics.”

Me: “Why though? After everything we’ve been through, there’s no point in being bashful about anything. You already saw me at my most humiliating point of my life so there’s nothing wrong with you talking about your past with me. I accepted you knowing your background and I’ve witnessed some of your twisted behavior.”

Saeran: “I know. Come on, let’s go.”

I finished my beer and headed out behind him. When we got to my car, I put the GPS for him to follow the directions and we left. It was a beautiful sunny day. Saeran looked at the sky and smiled. I lightly squeezed his hand and asked him what was on his mind.

Saeran: “I was thinking about my time at Mint Eye. Sometimes I wonder how much I can blame the drugs I was on or if I’m really a monster.”

Me: “That’s understandable but you’re not a monster Saeran. The drug cocktail you were on impaired your judgment. When you were still at the hospital your brother did a bit of research on the different drugs that were flushed from your system and each had their own set of side effects, put them all together and it was a bomb. The doctors were puzzled at how you were able to use your brain in that altered state.”

He nodded and kept looking at the road, then he sighed softly and I looked at him, I couldn’t read his expression.

Saeran: “Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if I had kidnapped you that day at the apartment?”

Me: “Yes. Worst case scenarios that came to mind were rape and torture. I was just a tool in your plan and whatever Rika had schemed.”

Saeran: “Your thoughts were on the right track, unfortunately. Although my plans were to kill my brother, since Rika wanted him I would’ve settled with making him suffer, after seeing how much he cared about you I would’ve tortured you to make him compliant.”

Me: “It’s okay, you were different then. Hatred is poison. You’re not alone anymore and I love you.”

I put my hand over his and he smirked.

Saeran: “I don’t deserve your love.”

Me: “Is self-loathing a twin thing? ‘Cause your brother has said the same to me, everything from how he’s like a cockroach and a long list of bullshit excuses to push me away for my safety. I’m the one that gets to decide what’s best for me. Granted, I’ve put myself in questionable situations but if I choose to love you and have you be a part of my life, then please respect that. When it comes to feelings there doesn’t have to be a why. I genuinely love you and want you to be happy. I know you’re far from normal, but that’s what I like about you, look at your brother, the retarded genius, I love him, why? It’s a mystery. Love is like that. It can flourish when you least expect it.”

He chuckled and squeezed my hand.

Saeran: “I know I’m not the same person as before. You’ve… changed me. I feel good when you’re close by but it also scares me. I don’t want… to hurt you, you mean so much to me.”

Me: “I think it’s important to talk about our worries. You love me right?”

Saeran: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I trust you.”

Saeran: “How can you trust me so easily?”

Me: “It hasn’t been easy Saeran. Your brother found out I had a drinking problem when I couldn’t deal with living with the 2 of you.”

Saeran: “I know. It didn’t help that I hated to see my brother so happy with you. Even though I lost my will to kill him it stung that he fell for you.”

Me: “Would you have preferred for me to have fallen for you first?”

Saeran: “I don’t see a scenario where that would’ve been possible. I doubt you would’ve liked me when I was part of Mint Eye, you could’ve easily died by my hands. Then again, I’ve seen what you’re capable of withstanding.”

Me: “I think I could’ve loved you at Magenta.”

His eyes widened and he looked at me but quickly turned away towards the road.

Saeran: “You can’t be serious. Don’t lie to me.”

Me: “I AM being serious, don’t underestimate your charm and good looks.”

Saeran: “You love to flirt with danger don’t you?”

Me: “I wouldn’t say that I love it, it just happens.”

Saeran: “So I’ve seen and you enjoy it.”

I blushed and lowered my head to hide my smile. We got to the storage facility and I told him where to park so we’d be close to where my stuff was. He held my hand while we walked and I smiled. I opened the storage unit and we walked inside. I went straight to the plastic container with my name on it written in permanent marker. Once he saw it he picked it up to carry it out.

Saeran: “This is it?”

Me: “Pretty much, the other things I have are awards and artwork I did when I was in school and those are mixed in with my sibling’s stuff in a few of these bins. All of these used to be at my parent’s house, the box you’re holding is the one I brought before I moved into my last place.”

He nodded and carried the container to the car while I locked the unit. When we left I asked him if he wanted to go to the park on our way home, I wanted to see the sunset from there and he nodded with a smile.

Saeran: “We should get out more.”

Me: “I agree. I know it’s tough staying in the bunker so long but there are places that are less crowded and easier to blend in.”

Saeran: “I’m really looking forward to visiting Hong Kong.”

Me: “Oh, me too. I hope you like it.”

Saeran: “Anywhere that my father isn’t near is good.”

Me: “What really happened to your mother?”

Saeran: “I was there when she died. I slipped in some drugs in her alcohol.”

Me: “Oh.”

Saeran: “Nobody would know any better, she was an alcoholic. Don’t tell my brother, please.”

Me: “It’d be best if you tell him yourself when you think it’s right. I won’t say anything, besides, it’s not a topic that would easily surface at the dinner table or in bed so, I think your secret is safe.”

Saeran: “No lecture then?”

Me: “I don’t know what to say. She was a horrible person and you ended her misery. You probably did her a favor that benefited you.”

Saeran: “That’s not the reaction I expected. I just told you I killed someone and you react so coolly about it.”

Me: “Saeran, I understand how fucked up it is the fact that you basically confessed to murder right now but I know the reasons behind it, have an idea of what you were going through, and I know the satisfaction that is felt when the person that abused you for so many years is finally dead.”

Saeran: “You are aware that you seem to be unfazed that I’m a killer.”

Me: “I’m not unfazed. V’s death is something that really did a number on me and it took a while to move on. But your mom’s death, well, it sounds awful to say this but she deserved it. It’s like when I think of my ex, I’m glad he’s dead. I’m not so innocent, I tried to kill him, so I understand your motives. It’s just something you have to live with. I’m not gonna love you any less. Your past doesn’t define you it’s the decisions you make now.”

Saeran: “I’d kill for you.”

Me: “I believe you. As long as it’s FOR me, and not ME. I’m okay with that.”

Saeran: “Don’t worry princess, I only hurt you the way you like it.”

Me: “Mmmmm, I know.”

Saeran: “You’re really perfect. I had no idea how to be a functional person and find my place but you made me feel human and showed me I’m not as broken as I thought I was.”

Me: “You’re still rough around the edges but I get what you’re saying, honestly the 3 of us living together has been a form of group therapy. We’ve all suffered and been abused, so we have that in common.”

Saeran: “I doubt sex qualifies as a method of treatment.”

Me: “Why not? It’s a healthy activity and we have long talks afterwards.”

Saeran: “Beats going to the therapist.”

Me: “Exactly. I’m not a fan of doctors either, I only go when necessary.”

We reached the park and walked around a bit to stretch our legs. I laced my fingers with his and we stayed silent for quite a while. When the sun started to set we sat on a bench. I leaned on him and he embraced me.

The sky was on fire, just like the color of his hair. I looked up at him and licked his cheek. He smiled at me and bit my lower lip.

Saeran: “You’re really special.”

Me: “You’re special to me too. Let’s go home, it’s almost dinner time.”

Saeran: “Let’s stay here a little while longer, my other half can wait.”

He held me tight and we watched the sky turn dark. He leaned his face towards mine and grabbed my chin to kiss me, I closed my eyes and cupped his face with my hands, deepening the kiss. At 7:07 I got a text from Saeyoung asking if we were okay, I replied we’re on our way home. I chuckled when I showed Saeran my phone and he muttered “Idiot.” So we left the park. Saeyoung greeted us enthusiastically and asked us to follow him. We went to his workshop and he showed us the cat robot prototype he was working on. After I saw all the functions I told him he did great and that Jumin was going to love it.

Me: “You did it babe, it seems kid friendly enough, I think maybe ages 8 or 10 and up. You beat the deadline as always and I think this time he won’t tell you to take it down a notch, this is looking pretty good.”

Saeyoung: “Thanks babe, your input is always appreciated. I’m glad you like it. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Me: “We’re a team, I’ll always root for you.”

Saeyoung: “So where did you guys go today?”

Me: “To the park, we saw the sun set.”

Saeyoung: “Ooooooh, how romantic.”

Me: “It was nice.”

Saeyoung: “Did you get your stuff?”

Me: “Oh umm, yeah, it was a quick errand and the sky was bright and clear so we went to the park afterwards.”

Saeran: “It was her idea.”

Saeyoung: “Did you take pictures?”

Me: “With my phone, I left the camera at home.”

Just then, my phone rang, it was Zen. I took the call in front of them.

[Zen: Jagi, we still up for tomorrow?]

[Me: Of course, I’ll meet you at the bar.]

[Zen: Are you going straight from work?]

[Me: Yeah, I have a lot of writing to do at the office.]

[Zen: Don’t overwork yourself babe. Alright I gotta go back stage, I’ll see you tomorrow.]

[Me: I’ll be fine, break a leg.]

We hung up.

Saeran: “You won’t be home for dinner tomorrow.”

Me: “Probably not.”

Saeyoung: “You should take leftovers with you.”

Me: “If I remember in the morning.”

Saeran: “I’ll remind you.”

Me: “Taking my mother’s advice already?”

Saeyoung: “It was a great suggestion.”

Me: “I suppose. Imagining Saeran giving me a bento box does make my tummy feel fuzzy and warm.”

Saeyoung: “And not me? I’m offended.”

Me: “Babe, you’ve packed lunch for me before. I’ve shared a lot of firsts with you, let me enjoy mine with Saeran.”

Saeran: “Green isn’t your color, brother.”

Saeyoung: “It’s not envy, I was kidding.”

Saeran: “If you say so.”

Me: “So are you boys ready for the LAN party?”

Saeyoung: “I think I’m ready to rule the LOLOL server once again.”

Saeran: “If you can beat me, that is.”

Saeyoung: “Oh ho ho, I accept your challenge.”

Me: “Just don’t embarrass Yoosung in front of his guild.”

Saeyoung: “But babe, embarrassing Yoosung is my favorite hobby.”

Me: “Whatever makes you happy, babe.”

Saeyoung: “You make me happy, babe.”

He quickly pulled me towards him, cupped my face with his hands and kissed me deeply. I sort of melted there for a moment, responding with equal passion. I put my arms around his neck and we broke away to catch our breath. Saeran wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

Me: “My Sae-baes.”

They both chuckled.

Saeran: “That’s a stupid nickname.”

Saeyoung: “I think it’s cute. Trust me, she can come up with worse.”

Me: “Probably.”

Saeran tilted his head and once I sensed he was going to bite, I flinched.

Me: “Red, don’t. I’m too sore.”

He huffed and kissed instead.

Saeyoung: “Don’t pout, you gotta let her recover, you practically strangled her this morning.”

Me: “When you say it like that you make it sound so vile.”

Saeyoung: “How else would you describe it?”

Saeran: “You should try it, it’s not as bad as it looks.”

Me: “I can teach you how to choke me. There’s a method to it, it’s not just squeezing, if you place the fingers just right…”

Saeyoung: “Alright, just not here.”

We went to our bedroom. I told Saeyoung to remove my clothes except for my panties. I had lain on the bed and motioned for him to get over me, he knelt down by my waist and hovered, I took his hand and placed it around my neck, feeling for the right spot, once it was in position I told Saeran to use a stopwatch and to count until I lifted my hand.

Saeyoung: “You sure about this? Weren’t you sore?”

Me: “Trust me babe, just do it, if it hurts I’ll let you know.”

He sighed and shook his head.

Me: “Start.”

Saeyoung started to squeeze lightly at first, I nodded and he slowly tightened his grip, I started to squirm and he loosened his fingers, I shook my head and he tightened his grip again, he lowered his weight and I felt him pressing my pelvis, a moan escaped my lips and his eyebrow arched, a smirk forming on his lips. He started to rock himself on top of me but I was starting to feel numb so I lifted my hand and he stopped what he was doing immediately.

Saeran: “2 minutes and 14 seconds.”

Me: “I can last longer, but you did great babe.”

Saeyoung: “Thanks but, you really like this?”

Saeran: “Clearly, did you not hear her moan? Check her panties.”

He trailed a hand towards my panties and slid a finger inside to check.

Saeyoung: “You’re wet.”

Me: “I am.”

Saeran: “See? Not as bad as it looks.”

Me: “To avoid injury during sex just remember that you’re trying to constrict the air flow and not crush my windpipe. A firm grip is more than enough pressure if you hold it long enough.”

Saeyoung: “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

Me: “Safety first, right?”

He chuckled and started to tickle me. I burst into a fit of laughter, crawling over the bed but Saeran wouldn’t let me stand and joined in the tickle assault. I was laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes.

Eventually they stopped when they heard me gasping for air.

Me: “You boys will be the death of me.”

Saeran: “That’s not funny.”

Me: “I didn’t mean it literally.”

Saeyoung: “I know, but, really, we’ve both put your life at risk.”

Me: “Lighten up. All you’ve managed to kill is my libido.”

They chuckled in unison. My favorite sound.

Saeran: “That can easily be remedied.”

Me: “Oh really?”

Saeyoung: “Yes, really.”

Me: “Are you planning a camping trip?”

Saeyoung: “What? Why?”

Me: “Oh c’mon, that one was easy. Because you have a tent, duh.”

Saeran laughed and his brother smirked.

Saeyoung: “You caught me off-guard.”

Saeran: “She’s funny.”

Saeyoung: “But if I say something equally as stupid you just roll your eyes.”

Me: “Aww babe, don’t be jealous he likes my jokes instead of yours.”

Saeran: “I don’t like most of your jokes because you try too hard, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re funny.”

Me: “Ah brotherly love. Alright, all jokes aside. I need to sleep at some point to go to work tomorrow and it’s going to be a long day, so, how about a quickie and then shower?”

Saeran: “You 2 have fun, I’ll be in the living room.”

Me: “Why?”

Saeyoung: “He’s not ready for the camping trip.”

Me: “Oh ha ha. That can easily be remedied.”

Saeran: “You love to use my words against me.”

Me: “Maybe. Lie down in the center, will you?”

He complied with a doubtful look. I hovered over him and took off his clothes with no resistance from him and I told Saeyoung to strip.

Saeyoung: “But I want you to take them off for me.”

I shrugged and removed all his clothes quickly.

Me: “Happy now?”

Saeyoung: “Very and look who else is happy.”

He slapped me with his dick and chuckled.

I rolled my eyes and knelt over Saeran’s legs. I lowered my head to lick his member and I saw that his balls were hard but his dick was soft, I must’ve stared for too long.

Saeran: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Fuck and blow. I blow YOU, he fucks ME.”

I heard Saeyoung chortle.

I continued to lick his length and slowly sucked on the tip. I propped my elbows on the bed and lifted my rear for Saeyoung. He massaged my butt before teasing my wet entrance with his erection. Saeran started to get hard and I put my lips around him to roll my tongue over it until his girth filled my mouth and I started to suck. Saeyoung didn’t waste time in fucking me once his erection was as hard as it could get. I angled and rocked my hips so he could reach my sweet spot, once he got there I moaned, making Saeran feel the vibrations and he moaned in return. He grabbed my hair and started to bob my head against his cock, I ended up deep throating him and moaning with every thrust that Saeyoung delivered, that pushed him closer towards his climax. Saeyoung held on to my hips and dug his nails into me while he pounded me, I lifted my head to suck on the tip but Saeran pushed it down again and bobbed my head, I was getting close to orgasm when I felt the both of them cum at the same time, Saeyoung kept thrusting lazily and I rocked along with him until I found my release. Saeran let go of my hair and stroked my face, once I swallowed I lifted my head and licked my lips. Saeyoung sat on the edge of the bed.

Me: “You guys released at the same time.”

Saeyoung: “Really?”

Saeran: “And that’s never happened before?”

Me: “No, I’m pretty sure it’s the first time, I think.”

Saeran: “How did it feel?”

Me: “Sinful. I need a shower.”

Saeyoung: “Should I get holy water?”

Me: “Drinking water will suffice.”

Saeyoung: “I doubt any amount of holy water can wash away the sin.”

Me: “True.”

When Saeyoung got up I crawled quickly on the bed and slapped his ass, getting a wink from him in return. He brought me water and then we went to the shower to get ourselves cleaned up. After that the twins rubbed aloe and arnica gel all over my bruises and soon to be bruises. I slipped into my robe and made my way to the living room. The twins soon followed. I had started to watch one of my shows.

Saeran: “Do you want ice cream?”

Me: “I didn’t think there was any.”

Saeran: “I made some the other day.”

Me: “Really? And you didn’t tell me? I’m offended.”

Saeran: “I was going to offer you some as part of my apology.”

I looked at him quizzically.

Saeran: “The jealousy fit over Zen, after the play.”

Me: “Oh, that apology.”

Saeran: “I made it when you were at work and hid it, I haven’t had any.”

Me: “Where’d you hide it?”

Saeran: “Inside an empty bag of frozen vegetables.”

Me: “Clever. So what flavor is it?”

Saeran: “Dulce de leche.”

Me: “Oh my fucking god Saeran, gimmeeeeeee, I needz it, and you madez it, oh my lord. Did I die while having sex and went to heaven?”

Saeyoung: “Babe, you’re a sinner with no intention to repent.”

Me: “As long as I have you 2 as company, all is well in hell.”

Saeran: “I’ll go get the ice cream.”

Me: “Did you know about this?”

Saeyoung: “I did not, I’m just as surprised as you are.”

Me: “You didn’t see him make it?”

Saeyoung: “No… maybe… I don’t know. It’s typical now to see him in the kitchen making stuff.”

Me: “True. The man can cook.”

Saeyoung: “I cook too… sometimes…”

Me: “I know babe, I didn’t say otherwise.”

Saeran came back with our ice cream, he held out a spoonful for me, I leaned forward to taste and when I did, oh lordy, it was delicious, I literally moaned in ecstasy.

Saeran: “Good?”

Me: “Fucking fantastic.”

Saeyoung: “I have to say brother, this is really good.”

Saeran: “Thanks. I tried.”

Me: “Where did you get the recipe?”

Saeran: “From your blog.”

Me: “Really? Wow, that was a long time ago, I’d forgotten that blog’s existence. Did you read the whole thing?”

Saeran: “I did.”

Me: “Ah, so what did you think?”

Saeran: “I’d love to see you paint sometime.”

Saeyoung: “Do you still have some of your paintings?”

Me: “There are a few in the box I brought back. The rest I’ve given them away to friends and family. I haven’t painted in a long time but some of my supplies are in the box.”

Saeyoung: “We can buy anything you need if you want to paint.”

Me: “That’s really sweet babe, but if I’d wanted to paint I would’ve bought the materials to do so. I just haven’t had the time or inspiration. I can barely manage to get work done from home, I can’t imagine painting here.”

Saeran: “You could at least try.”

Me: “I’ll think about it. I can try sketching first to warm up.”

Saeyoung: “If you need a model, just ask.”

Me: “Thanks babe, I’ll let you know.”

Saeran: “You’re a really talented artist.”

Me: “Awww, thanks sweetie. I used to paint a lot when I finished college but then life got complicated and my paintings morphed into dark and twisted images that I wanted to get rid of.”

Saeran: “There’s beauty in that.”

Saeyoung: “How about showcasing them in a gallery?”

Me: “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Saeyoung: “Maybe now is the time.”

Me: “Maybe. Your encouragement means a lot to me. I’ll think about it.”

I didn’t want to say anything else so I pressed play to watch my show.

Saeran: “Are you mad?”

Me: “Of course not, I’m really touched you think so highly of my art.”

Saeyoung: “I knew you painted but I like to hear it from the source.”

Me: “Babe, that doesn’t count as hacking, my blog is public.”

Saeyoung: “I know, it’s just hard to forget that day you screamed at me and put a No Hacking rule into effect.”

Me: “I had my reasons to be upset.”

Saeyoung: “I understand that better now.”

Me: “Good, I know you care about my safety.”

Saeyoung: “I just wish you’d let me keep you more safe.”

Me: “I’m not getting the sub-dermal implant, drop it and let me watch my show in peace, please.”

Saeran: “You wanted to tag her?”

Saeyoung: “It seemed like a good idea.”

Saeran: “I may not be the poster boy for mental health but I think being an agent has messed you up.”

Saeyoung: “Probably, but it’s because if ignorance is bliss, knowledge can be a curse. I’ve seen some terrible things in my life as a secret agent. You can’t blame me for trying to be cautious against unforeseen dangers.”

Saeran: “I suppose not.”

Me: “That doesn’t give you an excuse to stalk me.”

Saeyoung: “Honey, it’s not stalking.”

Saeran: “He means he’s trying to look out for you.”

Me: “I know very well what he means and I appreciate it, but I don’t feel comfortable being watched all the time. I like to have a sense of normalcy amidst our non-traditional life.”

Saeyoung: “I know that. You’ve been very vocal about the issue.”

Saeran picked up our empty bowls and went to the kitchen. I kept watching my show and when the episode was over I went to the bedroom to get some sleep. Saeyoung had gone to his workshop to finish revising his cat robot presentation and Saeran joined me in bed.

Me: “You don’t have to lie down if you’re not tired.”

Saeran: “There’s nowhere else I want to be.”

Me: “That’s the sweetest thing to say. You’re pretty romantic sometimes.”

Saeran: “I’m only honest.”

Me: “I know, it must be part of your charm.”

I curled up next to him and he wrapped his arms around me. I pressed my face to his chest and breathed him in. I was so tired I fell asleep listening to his heartbeat.”

When I woke up I was sandwiched between the twins, both of them were embracing me. I stayed there for a little while watching them until my first alarm went off. I couldn’t reach my phone so it was Saeyoung that silenced it.

Me: “Good morning.”

Saeyoung: “How long you been awake?”

Me: “Not long. I was trapped by the 2 of you when I opened my eyes.”

He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

Saeyoung: “Are you going to wait for the second alarm?”

Me: “Mmm no, I think I’ll get up.

He leaned away to give me some space and I managed to free myself from Saeran’s hold without waking him. I got out of bed to start my day. When I was making coffee I was greeted by Saeran.

Me: “Good morning Saebae.”

Saeran: “Morning Princess.”

Me: “Ayyy, I get goosebumps when you call me that.”

He smirked and headed slowly towards me.

Saeran: “Is that so?”

Me: “It is.”

He grabbed my chin and pulled me in for a kiss. I forgot what I was doing for a moment and regained my thoughts when he pulled away.

Saeran: “You’re blushing.”

He stroked my face gently and I nuzzled into his hand.

Me: “Saeran… I forgot what I was doing for a moment.”

Saeran: “Breakfast?”

Saeyoung: “Hiya hey hey!”

I jumped in surprise at the sound of his voice and Saeran let me go.

Me: “Hey babe. I was just going to make some breakfast.”

Saeyoung: “Want some help?”

Me: “Sure.”

Saeran: “I’ll prepare your bento box.”

Me: “Really? That’s so sweet. Thank you.”

Saeran: “Anything for my princess.”

Me: “Ayyy Saeran-shin, you’re making me blush again.”

He winked and hid himself in the fridge.

Saeyoung: “You’re so cute. I didn’t know you could get flustered by a pet name, is that a new kink?”

Me: “Well I wouldn’t call it a kink, I just happen to react that way.”

Saeyoung got close to me and called me princess, I rolled my eyes at him.

Me: “Babe, it only works when Saeran says it, he has a different timbre than you. You give me goosebumps in other ways, don’t be jealous.”

Saeyoung: “I’m not being jealous, I just wanted to test a theory. So far my conclusion is that I get more eye rolls than positive reactions in this house.”

Me: “That’s not true babe.”

Saeyoung: “Numbers don’t lie.”

Me: “The numbers in your head are programmed to be biased.”

Saeyoung: “Aah maybe. Let’s get breakfast ready, you have to leave soon.”

We got cooking and made some gaeran tostu because it’s quick and easy.

Saeran: “Do you want me to pack you some dinner as well?”

Me: “No, I have a better idea. How about you drive me to work, pick me up for dinner, and then drop me off at the bar. Zen can drive me home or either of you can pick me up.”

Saeran: “As you wish princess.”

Me: “Really? It’s a date then.”

Saeyoung: “Are you going to the bar that’s in Zen’s neighborhood?”

Me: “Yeah, the usual place, why?”

Saeyoung: “Then it’s better if we pick you up.”

Me: “Right, safety first, no drinking and driving.”

Saeyoung: “I like to protect my friends too.”

Me: “I know babe.”

We finished breakfast and I got ready for work. I put on a turtle neck and a pretty scarf that matched my shoes. There were some expected bruises around my neck but they were greenish in color, nothing heinous but still something I should hide. I did a twirl in front of Saeyoung.

Me: “Nothing nefarious in sight?”

Saeyoung: “Just my future wife.”

Me: “You know what I meant.”

Saeyoung: “You did a good job at hiding all incriminating evidence.”

Saeran: “I like it when it’s visible.”

Me: “There’s a time and place for everything. You know what caused the bruises, but if other people see them they might think I’m being abused.”

Saeyoung: “We can’t attract unwanted attention, coaxing our friends into believing it’s all just fun and games is one thing, but letting other people know is a risk I’m not willing to take.”

Saeran: “I know. Let’s just go.”

Me: “Do you have my keys?”

Saeran: “Yes.”

I kissed Saeyoung goodbye and he slapped my ass. When he said “See you tonight.” and winked at me, my heart fluttered.

Saeyoung: “There’s that face I love. Have fun at work. Muah!”

I stuck my tongue out while an annoyed Saeran led me to my car.

Saeran: “Why are you letting me drive you to work?”

Me: “I’m not much of a morning person, you’re a decent driver, not as chatty as your brother, I love him but I can’t stand how he always wants to fill the silence by his endless babbling. I like the quiet drive to work, it’s the only real time I’m alone…”

Saeran: “That doesn’t really answer my question other than my qualifying driving skills and why you won’t let my brother be your chauffeur.”

He started the car and we left the compound.

Me: “I dunno, I liked our trip yesterday… I enjoy being independent and doing things on my own but it’s also nice to have the people I love support me. When I started living with you guys I did everything around the house, then I started giving you chores, and eventually you started cooking, then your brother, and I was coming home for dinner I didn’t cook and that really made me appreciate the trust and bond we share. When I’m home I don’t feel like I have to be in control of everything, I’ve been able to relax.”

Saeran: “You are a bit of a control freak.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I used to be worse but after being forced into submission it felt liberating to gain back control of my life.”

Saeran: “I’m sorry for taking away that control.”

Me: “That was short lived. You’ve apologized enough, what happened in the past is what led us here so I don’t have any regrets, except punching Rika in the face. I’m disappointed I didn’t get to do at least that.”

He chuckled and squeezed my hand.

Me: “I suppose there’s still time, she’s still alive somewhere.”

Saeran: “I’d love to see that happen.”

I giggled and looked out the window.

Saeran: “I really want to make this work. Us.”

Me: “That’s all I want. Asking you to drive me to work you get to be out of the house, make sure I safely get to the office, and keep me company on the way.”

Saeran: “That sounds like you’re doing this more for me than for you.”

Me: “For all of us. I’m sure Saeyoung’s not even tracking me right now because he knows I’m safe with you. You saw yourself how he’s suggested to microchip me.”

Saeran: “Technically it’s not a bad idea but I can see why you’d refuse.”

Me: “I know our lives aren’t normal and that there’s always a threat around the corner but I like to pretend that we CAN be normal.”

Saeran: “Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.”

Me: “Charles Addams. A great quote indeed.”

Saeran: “Our relationship is hardly normal. So what’s your point?”

Me: “True. Sometimes I feel selfish for loving the both of you. What does that say about myself?”

Saeran: “That you have a lot of love to give.”

Me: “I guess. But I feel greedy though.”

Saeran: “You’re compassionate enough to want to fix not just one broken man, but two.”

Me: “You both played a role in fixing me too. It’s not like I was an angel of deliverance. My past was pretty sketchy too.”

Saeran: “And that’s what makes you perfect.”

Me: “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

Saeran: “Nietzche.”

Me: “I’m impressed.”

Saeran: “I read.”

Me: “Clearly. Another thing I noticed is that you talk more about yourself when you’re away from your brother.”

He shrugged his shoulders.

Me: “I don’t mind. Whatever you confide in me, I won’t share with him.”

He widened his eyes.

Saeran: “Would you lie to him?”

Me: “No, keeping a secret is one thing, lying is another. Lies break trust.”

There was silence for a while. I couldn’t read his expression. I looked out the window to see that we were headed towards busy traffic. There were a few road signs alerting that there was construction ahead.”

Saeran: “It’s been a while since I’ve been here.”

Me: “Is there anything you miss from Mint Eye?”

Saeran: “Not really. Maybe the view of the mountains. I’d go outside and watch the sky, day or night when I had time for myself.”

Me: “Naejangsan is famous for its fall foliage, we can go, take pictures.”

Saeran: “I think I’d like that. You’re so thoughtful.”

Me: “I thought about it in Jeollabuk-do, when your brother and I were on our way to Mint Eye for the first time.”

Saeran: “That area is beautiful.”

Me: “I can understand why you’d miss the view.”

Saeran: “Nothing else I miss is of any importance.”

Me: “How about your computers?”

Saeran: “Can’t really say I miss them.”

Me: “I guess you could rebuild them if you wanted to and Saeyoung would be more than willing to help.”

We made it to the apartment building.

Saeran: “What time do I pick you up?”

Me: “Not sure, I’ll call you..”

Saeran: “Alright, I’ll wait for your call.”

He kissed me deeply leaving me in a daze, when I came back to reality I got out of the car. He lowered the passenger window and I leaned down to look at him.

Saeran: “See you tonight, princess.”

My heart probably skipped a beat. I winked at him and he sped away. I’m pretty sure I was red all over but I made it to work looking presentable. The RFA headquarters is mostly comprised of C&R interns. Jumin wanted to buy the whole building but I told him it wasn’t necessary. I convinced him that it wouldn’t be fair to the residents and that it would look bad for the charity organization to do something like that, it would be best to be humble, something he clearly doesn’t know of so he acquiesced by trusting my judgment. Since the apartment is small there are no more than 4 people at the office at any given time. It’s usually 1 or 2 interns, a staff member and me. As the party coordinator for the RFA I do most of the work at the office but most of my time is spent doing my work for C&R Magazine. Before being part of the RFA I was a freelance writer and I had worked with C&R before since they own different business ventures. Once Jumin found out what I did for a living he offered me a job. I was reluctant to accept at first, I didn’t want to work at an office surrounded by people so I proposed that I would work for C&R Magazine if I could do it remotely as I was accustomed. He had already seen my portfolio when we met for my unofficial job interview so he knew I was good at what I did and after I explained my anxiety issues he understood. I told him I could work at the RFA office to maintain a professional appearance and he agreed. I’m just a phone call or car ride away. I rarely accept any freelance work anymore, I’m grateful I can choose who I want to write for since I have a decent salary now.

My RFA co-worker Ji-hye is pretty efficient at organizing the agenda so every time I walk into the office I dive into that first and start ticking off the items I complete during the day. I write my articles and proof-read layouts in between RFA tasks. In terms of workload it’s been manageable enough that I can juggle both jobs. I sometimes miss blogging but I know I can’t publish anything about my life after meeting the twins. I’m not even sure what I would blog about, my personal life is basically classified information and I don’t have a lot of hobbies outside the house. My social media has been reduced to posting pictures of food and Zen. I’ve contributed to the tripter bot myself, it’s fun. Pictures of the twins and me are only shared in the messenger and a few make it to my facebook, other than that, I don’t really use social media. I glimpsed my blog to check what Saeran read and only a few posts were personal, I was pretty vague but it was clear I was depressed and going through some tough shit. Before starting this diary I contemplated starting a new blog but I knew the twins would find it eventually even if I tried to be anonymous and write my thoughts as vague as possible like I used to, that wouldn’t have been enough for me. I really needed to spill my guts or else I would’ve exploded. The RFA members have been great friends and I’m thankful for all their support but everything that happened after Saeran took his brother’s gun at Mint Eye I’ve had to keep a secret and it was eating me on the inside and it wasn’t getting better when I moved in with the twins.

On the bright side I had reconnected with my family and I started calling them more often. It’s a little sad it took a near death experience to motivate myself to get back in touch with my parents, but oh well, such is my existence. I accepted that I can’t tell anyone about my personal life that involve the twins, never in detail. Now all I can do is fill up pages with my thoughts so that I can control my anxiety. I’ve been more relaxed lately and look forward to the times I get to write about my days, anyone that sees me at the office thinks I’m writing down notes or drafts so nobody suspects anything. Jumin and Jaehee have kept the secret so far but I know Saeyoung will find out eventually, the how is a mystery to me but I’m not concerned though, I have nothing to hide. The sole purpose of this notebook is for me to vent and he’s understanding. I do blush a bit and sometimes chuckle to myself when I recall all the sex I’ve had and write it down. When I go back and read the kinky stuff, I just have to roll my eyes and think how depraved I am. I can’t imagine what someone else’s reaction might be to reading my diary, it’s bad enough how the rest of the RFA act towards me now after I told them that I’m dating the twins. Now when any of the 3 of us login to the chat they assume we’re all together but I’m clearly at work if it’s during business hours. Yoosung and Zen shoot personal questions every now and then, Saeyoung is great at batting those and ends up making them regret they asked in the first place, so at least that’s funny. Jumin has eased up on the comments about the relationship, I told him it wasn’t professional. That was enough to get him to back off. He may not be my boss per se, but he’s the RFA leader and chairman of the company I work for, so he’s essentially my superior in more than one way. Jaehee is sensible enough to not ask any questions, but it’s mostly because anything to do with Saeyoung is not of her interest, he teases her enough.

The day went by rather quickly and around 18:30 I sent Saeran a text to come pick me up and one for Zen telling him I was still at work and that I’d text him when I was on my way to the bar. I waited inside the office until I got a text from Saeran saying he was waiting outside. I locked the office and waved at the camera in the hallway like I always do, since chances of Saeyoung looking at the CCTV were pretty high and just when I got on the elevator I got a text from him saying to have fun on my dinner date. I sent him a in reply and waved at the camera when I was at the entrance. I got into my car and kissed Saeran hello.

Me: “Yo! Long time no see.”

Saeran: “Funny. But I did miss you. The house feels empty when you’re not there and my brother isn’t the best company.”

Me: “Cheer up, let’s not think about him right now. We’re on our first date together. I hope you’re hungry.”

I put in the address on the GPS and squeezed his hand.

Saeran: “What do people usually do on dates?”

Me: “A date is just a predetermined time and place where 2 people share themselves with each other.”

Saeran: “So they have sex.”

Me: “That’s not what I meant but yeah, dates sometimes end in sex.”

Saeran: “You meant just spending time together.”

Me: “Yeah, how people spend time together varies from person to person so not all dates are the same. Tonight we’re just going to enjoy dinner at a nice and quiet place.”

Saeran: “I like the sound of that.”

Me: “Great.”

We made it to my favorite sushi bar. I thought it’d be fitting for us to eat sushi on our first date since it’s what brought us together in the first place. He didn’t say anything about the place but I saw the smirk on his face and I giggled, he put his arm around me and we walked in. I was really excited to be alone with him, Saeran is a lot more reserved than his brother. Every time he says something, it’s calculated. I mean, I love Saeyoung’s jokes and quirky comments but after a long day of work, I like to enjoy the silence and Saeran is great at that, the non-verbal communication and being comfortable without the need to talk. I ordered a sushi platter and some Japanese soda.

Saeran: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink soda before.”

Me: “I don’t at home but sometimes I like sweet fizzy drinks. It’s not always beer or sake when it comes to what I drink. Besides, since I’m hitting the bar later I shouldn’t have any alcohol now and I want you to try something I like that I think you might enjoy.”

Saeran: “If you think I’ll like it, I’ll try it.”

Once the soda arrived, I let him try both flavors so he could pick which one he liked best. He liked the strawberry one so I took melon, which was fine by me since melon is my favorite.

Saeran: “Do they sell these at the supermarket?”

Me: “Yeah, you want me to buy some next time we go grocery shopping?”

Saeran: “How come I’ve never seen them?”

Me: “You always skip the soda and snacks aisle to get candy.”

Saeran: “Ah, that sounds about right.”

Me: “But now that you know what the soda looks like I’m sure you won’t miss it next time you see it.”

Saeran: “Thank you. For sharing this with me.”

Me: “I’m just trying to be a good girlfriend.”

Saeran: “You’re the best girlfriend.”

I could feel my face getting flushed. I was happy when the food arrived. We ate in silence, enjoying every piece and smiling at each other. There was plenty of food left when we finished so the waiter gave us a box to pack it to go. Once the bill was paid we left holding hands and got in the car. I asked him if he knew how to get to the bar from there and he said yes so I sent Zen a text that I was on my way.

Saeran: “That was nice. We should do this more often.”

Me: “I agree and if you don’t mind driving me to work we can do that on a regular basis.”

Saeran: “Drive you every day?”

Me: “Sounds like a chore, doesn’t it? You don’t have to do it.”

Saeran: “I don’t think I mind.”

Me: “Oh well, okay, I don’t expect you to be my driver or anything, I just like being in the car with you.”

He squeezed my hand and lifted it to his lips to press a kiss on the back of my hand.

Saeran: “I like being in the car with you too.”

I smiled and leaned a bit closer to him.

Me: “I love you, you know that right?”

Saeran: “I know it, with more than words.”

It was my turn to kiss his hand. We made it to the bar, it was a short trip and Saeran hugged me tightly before letting me go. We had spotted Zen with a group of people surrounding him, I sent him a text that I’d arrived. Once he finished taking selfies with his fans he started walking towards the car. I kissed Saeran and told him I’d call when I was ready to be picked up. When I opened the door to get out he pulled me back and asked for my hand, I gave it to him and he sucked on the back of it, leaving a bruise.

Saeran: “A little reminder.”

Me: “For Zen, I’m guessing.”

He chuckled and kissed me. I bit his lip in return.

Me: “A little reminder.”

Saeran: “For whom?”

Me: “You.”

I stuck my tongue out and got out of the car giggling. He smiled up at me and watched as I walked towards the entrance. Zen immediately waved his arm when he saw me so I waited for him and Saeran winked at me before driving off.

Zen: “Hey babe!”

Me: Hey Mr. Celebrity.”

Zen: “Awww, don’t call me that, you’ll make me blush.”

Me: “Well, it’s hard to hang out without an army fans following you.”

Zen: “I wouldn’t call it an army but I guess it looks that way. C’mon let’s get inside.”

We ordered a pitcher of beer and sat at a table to drink. He told me all about the play he’s been performing in and its success. I’m really proud of him. Once the pitcher was gone and he finished talking about the play the conversation headed towards my personal life, I was already expecting it.

Zen: “So, how long you been dating the twins?”

Me: “A while, it just sort of happened.”

Zen: “Things like that don’t just happen, according to Saeran you seduced him by getting him drunk.”

Me: “I guess that’s one way of describing it.”

Zen: “How did it happen?”

There was a long pause while I organized a timeline in my head.

Me: “About a month or so after the last time we went out for drinks, things between Saeran and I had grown to be amicable. I made efforts to get along with him, we’d all sit down, have dinner together, and spend quality time as a family. One day that I decided to work from home he chatted me up and I was bit annoyed by the interruption so I just snapped and dumped everything that had happened since he involved me with the RFA.”

Zen: “And what did he do?”

Me: “I apologized for my outburst and let the twins know that it’s not their fault that they were led to such horrible circumstances, Saeyoung had heard me raising my voice so he’d made an appearance while I vented on Saeran. It was my choice to get involved with the RFA and pursue Saeyoung romantically, I accepted everything that entailed. Saeran wanted to know if I was still scared of him and I told him I wasn’t. The 3 of us talked and cleared the air of any lingering doubts. We ordered sushi and sake for lunch that day, I offered them some sake expecting they’d say no but they accepted the offer, then Saeyoung started to play around with the food, one thing led to another, it started as a game and eventually we all wound up in bed together.”

Zen: “So Saeyoung was there and you led the both of them to bed?”

Me: “I umm, yeah. I teased Saeran a bit and Saeyoung warned me that I was playing a dangerous game and that’s how it started.”

Zen: “Dangerous? It sounds crazy. God, I knew you were a little dirty but that’s quite the dirty little secret you were holding onto, I mean, both of them at the same time? And Yoosung was the first to find out?”

Me: “He found out by accident, I was going to tell you before the show.”

Zen: “Do you love them?”

Me: “Of course I do.”

Zen: “Are you happy?”

Me: “Very happy.”

Zen: “That’s the most important part of a relationship, being happy. I’m glad that Saeran has gotten better thanks to you, let’s order another pitcher and change the subject, I need to clear my head.”

He went to the bar and got the beer.

Me: “You’re really cute when you act like the protective brother.”

Zen: “The RFA is my family, of course I worry about you Noona. I have to admit I was really shocked when I found about you and the twins but as long as they don’t hurt you and you’re happy, I have no choice but to accept it.”

Me: “Even if you didn’t accept it nothing about my relationship with them was going to change. I really love them and want to protect that feeling.”

Zen: “I’m sorry if it feels like I’m overprotective, I just don’t want to see you get hurt. The twins have put your life in danger before.”

Me: “I know, I can’t change the past or deny it but they’re not the same as before, I mean, look at me, I’m not the same person anymore. Ever since I started living with them I can see how we’ve all changed. It’s amazing what love and nurture can do. Don’t worry so much.”

Zen: “Then why are you wearing a scarf indoors?”

Me: “It’s not abuse if I asked for it.”

He widened his eyes and then chuckled.

Zen: “Fair enough. Just be careful. Dangerous games can spin out of control. I wouldn’t trust them so much. Not only do you live with a pair of wolves, but they’re sadists too.”

Me: “And I’m a masochist, I guess that’s why they’re perfect for me. I’m a lot stronger than I look, I could probably topple you if I wanted to. The twins are not that much bigger than I am. Let’s not talk about this. They wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.”

Zen: “For your sake, let’s hope not. But always remember the RFA members are your friends and will help you whenever you need it.”

Me: “I really appreciate that Zen. I can assure you I’m fine. My last boyfriend was a violent man so I know the difference. The twins truly care about me and do everything they can to make me happy.”

Zen: “You’ve never mentioned your ex before.”

Me: “I don’t like talking about him. Maybe some other day I’ll tell you about it, all you need to know is that he was abusive and treated me badly.”

Zen: “Damn jagi, I don’t know what to say.”

Me: “Shots. Let’s do shots.”

Zen: “But, we haven’t finished the pitcher yet.”

I poured more beer into my glass and drank it in gulps, Zen did the same and we emptied the pitcher. I felt the rush of alcohol in my blood, making me feel warm and happy.

Zen: “Are you sure about those shots? You look flushed.”

Me: “Maybe in 10 minutes.”

Zen: “Let me ask you something.”

Me: “What is it?”

Zen: “Have you ever been filmed having sex?”

Me: “That’s an interesting way of asking me if I’ve done porn.”

Zen: “Well, have you?”

Me: “My ex filmed a few videos of us fucking and uploaded them but they got taken down because he didn’t have my permission. Why? Do you recognize me from a sex video?”

Zen: “You resemble someone I’ve seen before.”

Me: “My my Zen, I didn’t know you were into BDSM.”

Zen: “Wait, what? No. What are you talking about? I mean, that was you?”

I stared at him intently and sighed, lowering my gaze.

Me: “Was. Past tense.”

Zen: “Oh my god, really? You’re the famous Gangnam BDSM slave girl?”

Me: “Didn’t think I was famous but if musical actor Zen knows about me, I guess people are a lot kinkier than I thought.”

Zen: “Only reason I saw those videos was because they were shown to me

and I was curious to see what the hype was about. I’m not into that stuff, but you are? That’s some disturbing shit.”

Me: “My ex was a disturbed man, he took things too far, don’t think so lowly of me, not everything was consensual.”

Zen: “I didn’t think it was really you.”

Me: “I didn’t think you’d watch that kind of thing, much less recognize me.”

Zen: “I’m no stranger to wardrobe changes and makeup. I wasn’t sure it was you since I didn’t see much of the videos and it was quite a while ago. You looked so different then but your jaw and neck line are recognizable. I had my suspicions when I saw the bruises.”

Me: “The twins deleted all traces of those videos. Hopefully, nobody else will be able to find them or recognize me.”

Zen: “I guess if anyone can make that happen it’s them. I take it they saw the videos. What did they think?”

Me: “To my chagrin, yes, they did. I had to explain myself to them.”

Zen: “Was that before or after I saw your bruises?”

Me: “It was after. Just recently, actually. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Zen: “I’m actually a little more horrified by your confession of being the slave girl from those videos, that’s worse than the bruises.”

Me: “I guess. Please don’t tell me which ones you saw, I don’t feel like talking about it. I’m just happy the twins helped me get rid of what remained from my previous relationship, like I said, my ex uploaded those videos without my permission.”

Zen: “What an asshole.”

Me: “Yeah, he was.”

Zen: “Was? What happened?”

Me: “Oh, he died. Drunk driving.”

Zen: “You’ve really been through a lot.”

Me: “Yeah and I’m a lot tougher because of it.”

Zen: “I think I can understand your relationship with the twins a bit.”

Me: “I love them and they love me, nothing else matters, and the sex is great so I have no complaints.”

Zen: “It feels wrong to be talking about this.”

Me: “You knew this would happen when you asked to meet me after you found out about the threesome. You’re curious, I get it. Maybe your lack of a sex life makes mine more interesting in comparison. It’s not like I can talk about these things with anyone. You’re my best friend.”

Zen: “Even if I did have a sex life, yours is by far more interesting.”

Me: “Well, for all you know there could be fans waiting to have orgies with you and seriously, you could pick up any girl you want and take her home if you tried. Hell, a different woman every night if you felt like it.”

Zen: “I’m not interested in that, first, that’s how STDs are contracted, second, I like to think I’m a gentleman. I just want to meet a nice girl I can love, sex can be alluring but I want something more meaningful.”

Me: “I know what you mean, I’ve had meaningless sex before and it’s not the same as making love. You’ll find the right girl some day. You deserve to be loved for who you are as a person, and whoever that person is will be lucky to have you in their life.”

Zen: “Thanks, I hope so too. I think we’re ready for shots.”

Me: “Alright. Woooo.”

I don’t quite remember what happened afterwards. I completely blacked out and woke up next to a pair of worried redheads. I groggily asked what happened and they told me that I had called Saeyoung to pick me up at the bar, he walked Zen home and Saeran stayed with me in the car until Saeyoung got back and drove us home. I had a raging hangover and my stomach felt queasy, it had been years since I last felt like that.

Saeran: “How much did you drink?”

Me: “I lost count after the second pitcher of beer, I think we had shots but I don’t remember. I thought I could handle it but I guess my alcohol tolerance isn’t what it used to be. Did I puke?”

Saeyoung: “Luckily no.”

Me: “Lucky for your baby.”

Saeran: “Do you feel like throwing up now?”

Me: “No, but I need to drink some water. Get me 3 or 4 caplets of activated charcoal, the bottle is with my vitamins.”

Saeran went to fetch what I asked for and I slowly got out of bed to go to the bathroom. Saeyoung tailed me to make sure I was okay. I brushed my teeth and sat on the toilet to pee. I was holding my head in my hands until the silence was broken by Saeran. I took the caplets and water and swallowed them down, drinking until the glass was empty. He took it from my hand and left to make me some coffee.

Saeyoung: “Do you want to shower?”

Me: “Sure, will you join me?”

Saeyoung: “Of course, you don’t look well, I wouldn’t want you to fall.”

Me: “My hero.”

Saeyoung: “I Defender of Justice will fight grime and make sure you’re squeaky clean.”

I chuckled and he gave me the warmest smile. I finished cleaning up and I quickly undressed to step into the shower, Saeyoung took off his clothes in a flash and joined, sensing I wasn’t feeling strong enough to stand. He wrapped an arm around me and started the shower. Saeran popped in to check on me and asked if I wanted to eat something.

Me: “Do we have chikin?”

Saeran: “You want fried chicken for breakfast?”

Me: “I need something greasy to eat.”

Saeran: “How about egg fu yung?”

Me: “Oooh, I like that idea better. You know me so well, I love you.”

Saeran: “I love you too. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

He winked and left, Saeyoung started to wash my hair and I told him I had to sit for a moment. He rinsed my hair and we slid down. I leaned back to rest on his chest.

Me: “Zen figured out I’m the famous Gangnam BDSM slave girl.”

Saeyoung: “Really? Didn’t think he’d be into that.”

Me: “He said he’s not, someone showed him the videos.”

Saeyoung: “Did he tell you which ones he saw?”

Me: “No, I didn’t want to know. It was embarrassing enough that he recognized me. He said he was horrified to find out it was really me, seeing the bruises that time paled in comparison.”

Saeyoung kissed my shoulder and reached forward to shut off the water. I buried my face in his chest and he held me.

Saeyoung: “The videos don’t exist anymore. I know you didn’t want anybody you knew to see them but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I can’t hack into his brain and delete all evidence.”

Me: “I know that.”

Saeyoung: “Do you want to see Zen naked in return?”

Me: “No babe. I don’t want to see him naked but thanks for the offer.”

Saeyoung: “Are you sure? Wouldn’t you want to see him getting out of the shower right after a workout?”

Me: “As tempting as that sounds, it won’t make me feel better. You’re lucky I don’t feel like telling Zen you have a security camera inside his house or that you have a crush on him.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I chuckled softly and he kissed my cheek.

Saeyoung: “I was really worried about you last night. I’d never seen you pass out before.”

Me: “I didn’t mean to drink so much. A pitcher of beer is roughly 4 or 5 beers so I had about more or less that amount plus whatever shots.”

Saeyoung: “You were drinking Cass, right?”

Me: “Yeah, on tap.”

Saeyoung: “And you can’t remember what happened afterwards?”

Me: “Not after Zen suggested we do shots.”

Saeyoung: “You can call him later and have him fill in the blanks.”

Me: “Assuming he remembers.”

Saeyoung: “He looked less drunk than you were when I walked him home.”

Me: “Alright. Help me up so I can get my coffee.”

Saeyoung got up and reached for the towels, he enveloped me with the fluffy towel and I slowly managed to get up. Once I was out of the bathroom I slipped into my robe and headed towards the kitchen. I sat on the table feeling a little dizzy and Saeran came up to me with my coffee mug. I took it from his hands and gently tugged his shirt so he’d lean down. I placed the mug in front of me and looked into his eyes, he wasn’t wearing his contacts. Bright golden eyes stared at me curiously.

Saeran: “Did you want something, princess?”

Me: “Ay Saeran-shin. I just wanted a kiss.”

Saeran: “As you wish.”

He leaned closer to my face and pecked my lips.

Saeran: “Food is almost ready.”

Me: “Alright.”

He left and Saeyoung popped up in his place. I told him to sit next to me.

Me: “Did Saeran tell you about our date?”

Saeyoung: “Not really, just that you went to a sushi bar.”

Me: “Turns out he likes soda as well, I ordered Ramune and he liked the strawberry flavored one.”

Saeyoung: “Really? Your favorite is Melon, right?”

Me: “Yup. I thought something sweet and fizzy would be good with the food, I didn’t want to start drinking there and good thing I didn’t.”

Saeran: “Yeah, you were passed out on top of Zen when we got there.”

Me: “How embarrassing.”

Saeran placed the food in front of me and I grabbed the chopsticks to start eating.

Me: “This smells really good.”

Saeyoung: “None for me?”

Saeran: “Nope. Make your own damn breakfast.”

Saeyoung: “Aww bro, so mean. You know you’re a better cook than I am.”

Saeran: “Glad you recognize it. There’s some leftover in the kitchen, you can have that.”

Me: “What are you having?”

Saeran: “I think I’ll eat yesterday’s leftovers.”

We all ate in silence, I motioned Saeyoung to be quiet when he was going to say something and Saeran just shook his head. They helped nurse my hangover and I felt better in no time. When I called Zen to ask him about what happened at the bar he said we had 3 shots each and that all we did was take selfies with Snapchat filters. Saeyoung quickly opened Snapchat to check what we posted. It was a little embarrassing but fun to watch.

Saeyoung: “I think I like the fuzzy ear with pink nose the best.”

Saeran: “I like the dog filter.”

Me: “I like the flower crown, Zen and I look so glam.”

Saeyoung: “You’re both gorgeous.”

Me: “Thanks babe. Well, mystery solved.”

I got up to get a glass of water and saw Saeran sit next to Saeyoung.

Saeyoung: “What is it bro?”

Saeran: “I want to tell you something about mom.”

Saeyoung: “And what brought this on?”

Saeran: “Just seeing her passed out reminded me of that vile monster.”

Saeyoung: “Ok, well what is it?”

Saeran: “I killed mom. After I left with Rika I came back home after the re-education treatment and laced her alcohol with drugs. I was there when she died.”

I sat down next to Saeyoung and placed my hand on his shoulder. His face was very grave.

Saeyoung: “Thank you for telling me this.”

Saeran: “She had it coming.”

Me: “That’s all in the past now. She might’ve been a horrible mother but thanks to her I get to take care of 2 amazing red headed boys that I

happen to love and cherish with all my heart. I’m a lucky woman.”

Saeyoung: “You’re really something. I know our mother was a horrible parent but how can you be so positive when my brother just confessed to matricide?”

Me: “Babe, you know your brother was under some really heavy drugs and that woman deserved it. I mean, I would’ve considered it under a sober state so you can’t blame him for what he did under the effects of those drugs they had him on.”

Saeyoung: “You’re right.”

I stood up and mussed their hair, earning curious glances from them.

Me: “I have a secret too.”

Saeyoung: “Don’t tell me you killed your ex.”

Me: “Sadly no, he did that to himself.”

Saeran: “What is it then?”

Me: “Jumin had been pestering me to see a psychologist and Jaehee suggested I start a journal, she read about the benefits in an article. So I started a diary a few months ago to help me sort through everything I’ve been through. That’s why I sometimes stay late at the office.”

Saeran: “Where do you keep the journal?”

Me: “I keep them at the office.”

Saeyoung: “There’s more than one?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve been writing for 6 months recounting everything since I got the first text from Saeran.”

Saeyoung: “Can we read them?”

Me: “They weren’t meant for anybody else to read,”

Saeran: “But we’re not just anybody.”

Me: “I know that. I didn’t want to mention it before because part of the therapy was not telling anyone about it so I could focus on being truthful.”

Saeyoung: “Were you ever going to say anything about it?”

Me: “Probably.”

Saeyoung: “Probably?”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Saeyoung: “Honey, it’s ok. I know things have been crazy. I don’t blame you for wanting to get your thoughts out on paper. You’re a writer, that’s what you do.”

Saeran: “And I appreciate you not talking to a therapist about me.”

Saeyoung: “So have you really written everything down since then?”

Me: “Yes.”

Saeran: “Including details of your sex life?”

Me: “Yes, everything.”

Saeyoung: “And you’re sure these books are safe at the office?”

Me: “Yeah. No one else has access to the drawer.”

Saeyoung: “I’d feel better if you kept them at home.”

Me: “Of course you would, where you 2 can invade my privacy.”

Saeran: “It’s not like we don’t know what’s written in there.”

Me: “I suppose.”

Saeyoung: “We’ll promise to pretend they don’t exist. We’ll only read them if you let us.”

Me: “Fair enough.”

Saeran: “Any more secrets you’d like to share?”

Me: “I don’t think I have any secrets left.”

Saeyoung: “Good.”

I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to tell the twins about my diaries but considering that secrets have damaged them greatly, I didn’t want to contribute to any more mistrust by hiding information, especially when it’s not all that important. Now that Saeran is my boyfriend it’s only fair I’m open with him. I know I’m not the most vocal person when it comes to my feelings, I’ve been shouldering a lot of pain and didn’t want to unload it all on Saeyoung. I realize that now, that’s why I felt like I was suffocating and needed to vent. It didn’t seem fair to complain about Saeran to his brother, I did it anyway, while I was drunk, we know how well that went. I don’t regret writing everything down. I know that doing this has helped me cope with everything and now I’m in a healthier state of mind. I feel loved and supported and I can return that love and support. The twins took care of me during that hangover and after hearing my confession about the diary I realized how lucky I am to have people that trust me. I know it was difficult for Saeran to confess to his brother about his mom, It doesn’t matter how horrible she was as a person, she was still their mother. Slowly all the secrets are disappearing from our lives and we’ve grown into stronger versions of ourselves. I really love the twins. Plain and simple. Everything seems to work since the 3 of us started this relationship. It may be unconventional but it works for us. After our confession session, Saeran apologized once again for being a “burden”. I sat on his lap with my legs around his hips and kissed him deeply.

Me: “Enough of that. It’s all in the past now. We’ve pushed past the pain together.”

Saeran: “Why are you so good to me?”

Me: “I dunno. Love works in mysterious ways. Just look at your brother.”

Saeyoung: “I dunno why she loves me either but I’m grateful for the miracle.”

They chuckled and I beamed at them, then Saeran lifted me to take us to the bedroom. Saeyoung started to kiss my neck and shoulders once I was on the bed. Saeran undressed me, hungry eyes scanning my body. I pulled down Saeyoung’s shorts, releasing his erection and his brother quickly removed his as well, dipping his fingers in me to check my wetness. He got closer and started to lick my folds as his brother proceeded to fuck my mouth. Every flick of Saeran’s tongue on my clit drew me closer to ecstasy, my moans were muffled by Saeyoung’s cock, each one earning me a tug of my hair as he thrust my mouth. He reached his orgasm first, I heard him snicker while I swallowed every drop of his cum. By that point my eyes were closed and I was gripping the sheets pretty forcefully as Saeran tongue fucked me. Just as I was close to climax he pulled away, my eyes shot open and I groaned loudly but Saeyoung came in, turned me around, my butt facing him and pushed himself inside of me. Saeran told me to get on my knees and I did as he asked, not knowing what he was going to do until I felt his lubed fingers trying to stretch me for anal. While Saeyoung was fucking me, Saeran mounted himself on my butt to penetrate me. I couldn't really see what was happening but I'm sure that position was a first for us. Usually the twins face each other, at opposite ends, with me in the middle. Not sure if that subtle change meant something or if Saeran figured he could fit there and ride me, since the other available hole was my mouth and maybe he didn't want that. I dunno. I didn't ask, I'm thinking of these things now as I write them, in the spur of the moment, it all felt fucking amazing. I had no complaints for the new pose. My knees buckled when I orgasmed, making the twins shift their movements, they assured me they were almost done, Saeyoung was the first to cum, followed closely by Saeran. Both of them lied down next to me, a twin at each side. 

Me: “Sometimes I miss vanilla sex.”

Saeyoung snickered. 

Saeran: “You sure about that?”

Saeyoung: “What's your definition of vanilla?”

Me: “I dunno. One on one, for starters. I'm not complaining, it's just exhausting.”

Saeran: “Do you feel unsatisfied?”

Me: “Of course not babe, I just feel like I need a nap to recharge my batteries.”

Saeyoung: “Then sleep, like a baby sheep.”

I kissed the boys and they cuddled me, we talked about the shows we watch together and eventually I fell asleep. When I woke up the sun was hanging low. Saeyoung was ruffling my hair and I aimed towards his wrist to place my hand over his. 

“Sleep well?”

“Yeah, I feel better, were you watching me the whole time?”

“We all dozed off, Saeran’s making dinner.”

“That last part of your sentence sounds perfect.”

“Are you happy?”

“Of course I am. For the first time in years I feel like things are OK.”

“Just OK?”

“Well, I didn't mean to sound so generic. I just wanted to say that all is well in our little family. I love you and your brother so much, we complement each other, we're happy together.”

“Like Honey Butter Chips and Dr. Pepper.”

“Or cake and ice cream.”

“I never dreamed of sharing a life or having a family. You changed all that and gave me back a brother that doesn't hate me. Do you know how grateful I am for what you did for Saeran?”

“I told you I'd stay by your side.”

“I'm not talking about when we rescued him. I mean who he is now.”

“Oh. Well, my mother always tells me I'm too nice for my own good. I did what I could to help him feel more at home and love blossoms when you least expect it. The 2 of you have been through enough pain, I just want to see you both be happy. It's all I've tried to do.”

“That's more than a man could ever hope for. That's why I love you so much.”

He kissed my cheek and I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck. Saeran came into the room and crawled on the bed to lie down next to me. 

Me: “Hey there sexy naked chef.”

Saeran: “Dinner's ready.”

Me: “What are we having?”

Saeran: “Maeuntang.”

Me: “Sounds good. I'll shower first.”

Saeran: “I'll wash the sheets.”

Saeyoung: “Want me to shower with you?”

Me: “Sure babe.”

I was hoping to have a relaxing shower but we ended up fucking in the shower. It must be nice to be young and have a strong libido. I had forgotten what that was like. When I first moved in with my ex we had sex practically every day and all over the apartment. We were like bunnies, fucking all the time. In the present with my 2 lovers, our relationship has been stable and it seems like sex is on the menu every week. Saeran is especially greedy, I think it's because he's the most unloved out of the 2 given his past. Although he tends to be aggressive in his love making, he's tender in the aftercare and I love curling up between them in the afterglow, spooning. I love seeing the different sides to him, from edge lord to cupcake. I wasn't at all surprised when he joined us in the shower. 

Saeran: “Choi sandwich as an appetizer?”

Me: “You boys are relentless lovers.”

Saeyoung: “We have a lot of love to give.”

I sighed and welcomed the other twin to join us. When my legs were getting shaky they lifted me up and pressed themselves against my body, both of them thrusting my pussy in unison. What little rest I got with my nap, vanished. I was a wet mess of whimpers after the shower sex. I put on my robe and sat with them to eat. They asked about my diary again and I let them know I'd bring it home. I thought keeping it at the office would be safe but they made a convincing argument about someone trying to access the drawer where I keep it. I trust my coworkers but they had a point when they called me ‘too trusting”. This is my last entry writing in peace at the office. I'm not sure how much writing I can manage at home but I'll try my best.


	14. Technically masturbation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran walks into Saeyoung jacking off and asks if he wants assistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short “one shot”, since it’s not narrated by MC, it’s not written in diary format. I wasn’t sure about exploring the possibility of incest in my fic but oh well, it happened just like when I started writing threesomes, the idea came out of nowhere, it nagged me, and I eventually opened my word processor and the sentences wrote themselves. I wanted to write this little intro since it’s a taboo topic and generally frowned upon. But I’m not going to censor myself for the sake of anyone. I write what I write. Whatever.

The twins don’t interact much when their lover is at work, Saeyoung usually keeps himself busy at his workshop and Saeran likes to read books in his room while listening to music. One day Saeran walks into his brother’s room and sees him naked, trying to cover himself up as he shouts to please knock first.

“Oh please brother, we see each other naked all the time and we’re identical, you have nothing to hide from me.” Saeran scoffed.

“I’d still appreciate the privacy.” Saeyoung retorted.

“Need help with that?” he points at his brother’s lame attempt at covering his erection with the bed sheet.

“What? No! Get out!”

“Why not? It always feels better when someone else tugs it and it’s not like we’ve never touched dicks before, I mean, we’ve been in the same hole plenty of times. I only came in here to ask what you wanted to make for dinner.” Saeran narrowed his eyes and sat next to his brother, noticing how his brother stiffens at the sight of his twin’s gaze and his erection starts to go limp.

“It’s wrong for you to jerk me off, Saeran. Just order take out if you don’t feel like cooking, now please leave, I’d like to finish what I started so I can keep working.”

“Why is it wrong? We share the same DNA, technically it’s still masturbation if my hand is just like yours.”

“I don’t think it works that way.”

“Who says it’s wrong? You? Please, spare me the lecture of wrong and right. You don’t seem to have a problem with me grinding against your dick as we fuck her.”

“You’re my brother, sex between us would be incest and that’s a sin. A threesome is different.”

“A sin, don’t make me laugh, you’re such a hypocrite. As if our relationship with her weren’t sinful according to the God you believe in. She’s the one that says, if you’re gonna be a sinner, be the best sinner around. You know very well your desire overrides your beliefs. So how about it?” Saeran removes the bed sheet covering his brother and places his hand over his brother’s dick.

“Saeran, no! What the fuck?!” He grabbed hold of his twin’s wrist but Saeran was faster and had already gripped his appendage.

“Don’t overthink this, just breathe and feel. Do you trust me?”

“I, I do, but, we shouldn't be doing this.” Saeyoung stammered and ended in a soft voice.

“Shhh, just trust me, close your eyes, who cares if it’s wrong? Our existence was wrong from the start, just enjoy yourself for a bit.” He stroked his length slowly with a firm grip and felt him slowly regain his erection. Saeyoung closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

“Fuck, that feels good.” he moaned.

Saeran snickered, pleased with himself. To his surprise, after a few more pumps, Saeyoung reached for his brother’s dick, pulling it out of his pants.

“Gonna stroke me while I stroke you?” Saeran surmised.

“Like you said , it’s technically masturbation right? Our little succubus taught us that we might as well be the best sinners around.”

“That’s the spirit.” Saeran spurred.

“We’re all going to hell.” Saeyoung sighed.

“At least we’ll all be together.”

“I can live with that.”

They stroked each other until they climaxed, cumming on their hands, both of them spent and moaning.

“That was fucked up.” Saeyoung panted.

“It wasn’t so bad. It kinda felt like jacking off.” Saeran proclaimed.

“I guess. Closing my eyes helped with the illusion.”

“I told you it’s always better when someone else tugs it.”

“Yeah but, you’re my brother, it’s weird.”

“It’s only awkward if you make it awkward. It doesn’t have to be.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna go shower.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“What? No.”

“Why not? It’s easier and we save water.”

“Sure, save water. Fine, but you’re lathering yourself.”

“Don’t be so uptight.”

“I’m not, I think you’re too nonchalant.”

“Maybe. Whatever.”

“We’re not making this a habit.”

“I don’t see the problem with what we did.”

“I think that’s part of the problem.”

“You enjoyed yourself didn’t you?”

“Yes, but my Catholic guilt is what keeps me in check.”

Saeran snickered and shook his head then dropped his pants to walk towards the bathroom. They went in the shower together, got dressed to make dinner, and waited for their lover to get home from work.


	15. Hiatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC hasn't been writing much in her diary since she agreed to keep her journals at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since there's more backstory for Saeran in V's route, I included a tidbit. Nothing major or spoiler-y. I know it's a short chapter, just bear with me, at least it's something.

Dear diary,

It’s been 2 weeks since my last entry. I haven’t felt comfortable writing at home, I feel like I’m being monitored and that hasn’t been conducive to writing. On the bright side, during my journal entry hiatus, I’ve been spending more time with the twins. I’ve noticed a shift in their relationship, not sure how to describe it, I guess they seem friendlier to each other, more brotherly. It makes me happy to see them getting along better, I really hate being in the middle of their spats, lately it really feels like most of the hurtful past is finally behind us. The newest activity we’ve been doing together as a family is gardening. Saeran randomly asked me one day what my favorite flower was and I told him it was sunflowers, he told me that one of his favorite places at Mint Eye was the garden, apparently it was full of flowers and the smell of roses calmed him. So we’ve been making a little garden in the backyard. I’m not much of a green thumb, I’ve had plants before but the ones that survived under my care were mostly cacti, succulents, and a few herbs. I bought a few medicinal plants, herbs, and cacti to add variety and usefulness to the garden, flowers are nice to look at but I also want something practical. I was surprised to find out how much Saeran knew about flowers, he’s pretty romantic when he wants to be. He tends to be manic depressive at times but I’m used to it since I’m kinda like that depending if I’m PMSing or not, it can get a little crazy at the house sometimes. I think Saeyoung suffers the most when Saeran and I are in a bad mood, his jokes are usually received by scoffs and eye rolls. Cheering me up is not that hard though, the butler costume and a glass of wine instantly makes me happy every time and to keep the element of surprise, sometimes Saeyoung dresses up as random characters, to his brother’s chagrin. Saeran isn’t fond of his brother cross-dressing but he doesn’t storm out of the room like he used to.

I’ve been contemplating whether or not I should let them read my journals. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us but I also value a sense of privacy. I feel conflicted, I mentioned it to Jaehee the other day when she stopped by the office and she thought it was a good idea, might be a form of therapy to discuss everything in the relationship. I’ve been thinking about it since. Saeyoung hasn’t said anything about it but I know he’s dying to know what I’ve written so far. I might leave the journals on the table one of these days with a note before heading out to work, get it over with. It’s not the same anymore. I don’t feel like I have a personal space. It’s hard enough getting work done at home, I can’t concentrate with the twins in the house. At least Saeyoung locks himself in his workroom for hours, but Saeran tends to cling to me when I’m at home. I don’t mind being with him of course, I love him so much sometimes I feel like crying. We talk for hours, cuddled up together on the couch, and when Saeyoung joins us after he’s done working we watch movies. That’s how most of our weekdays are spent. On average I sleep about 4 hours. That’s bad I know, but I do sleep more during the weekends. Zen has scolded the twins for not giving me enough time for my beauty sleep.

It’s always fun seeing him be all brotherly. I hope to be able to go drinking with him before the trip to Hong Kong. I scheduled the trip past peak monsoon season, hopefully it’ll be safe to travel by then. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since my last hangover. Pretty sure if I have a beer now I’ll feel it and after 2 I’ll get a buzz and with 3 I’ll be slightly drunk. “You don’t need alcohol to have fun.” Saeyoung says. That may be true, but it sure is fun to drink, he wouldn’t understand, he’s not a drinker. That’s why I cherish my moments with Zen, we have a lot of fun while drinking, I’ll be so sad when he gets a girlfriend, she could turn out to be the jealous type and doesn’t want him hanging out with me. That thought causes me so much stress and anxiety but it’s useless to think of future girlfriends.

Saeran was the jealous type until he saw my ex’s videos. It’s so painful to remember my time with him. You always wonder why people stay in an abusive relationship until you’re in one. The truth is, there is no logical reason. Feelings cloud your judgment. I couldn’t answer Saeyoung when he asked me if I really liked being abused. Have I always been a masochist deep down? Or did my ex turn me into one? Either way, I can’t deny I find pain to be pleasurable. The choking, spanking, biting, scratching, I really like it, it’s a little scary sometimes. I don’t want things to get out of hand like when my ex took things to another level that was basically torture. It’s different with the twins though, they actually worry about me. I don’t think they’d enjoy truly hurting me but the look in their eyes can be a little scary sometimes and that’s when I have to assume control.

I like being dominated but it can be too much with the 2 of them so I’ve been flipping positions lest they get carried away. I’m so glad they’re not much bigger than I am, it’s pretty easy to force them off me when needed. Sex is so exhausting. Being on my period is a good break from the fucking, we’ve done it before but it’s messier so we generally use that time for cuddling and other wholesome activities. Speaking of other activities, I can hear Saeran in the kitchen, he was playing LOLOL. He’s going to check on me soon so I’ll just stop writing for now.


	16. Good mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yoosung visits the Choi household to hang out, MC reminisces her past since it's been almost a year since she joined the RFA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, thank you so much for supporting my fic. I'm so sorry for the delay of this chapter. I live in Puerto Rico and on September 20 my island was devastated by a category 5 hurricane, leaving 95% of the island without electricity or cell phone service. As I write this, I'm at a Burger King since I still don't have power or internet at my house. Thanks for the messages on tumblr, my family and I are OK under the circumstances. We didn't suffer any damage, just some minor flooding. Our stove is gas, not electric. We can cook properly. 
> 
> Since I've had a lot of time I've been writing pretty much every day while the light permits it and by candle or lamp light. I think I have about 22 chapters so far. Really went the analog way and did the actual diary writing in some old notebooks I found and a new one when I kept running out of pages. My handwriting is so awful and it sucks to look for a new pen when you run out of ink in the middle of the night shrouded by darkness. 
> 
> I thought it'd be weird to bring my laptop to Burger King but I've seen other people do it so I might try that next time. I managed to digitize the first chapter I wrote on my tablet. I'll try to keep digitizing as I can. For those of you that are here for the smut. I've written a lot of smut. Seriously. This lack of electricity made me write things that I had to laugh and question what's wrong with me. But, this fic has saved me from going crazy. No smut in this one but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Every comment and kudos truly makes me smile and I need the smiles in these difficult times. Enough ranting. Until next time.

Dear diary, 

Yoosung came over this weekend to hang out with the twins and play LOLOL. it slipped out of my mouth that it was thanks to Saeyoung that Yoosung discovered the world of LOLOL. 

Yoosung: “What do you mean it was thanks to him?”  
Me: Well, he's the one that installed it on your computer. You had to at least guessed it was him.”  
Yoosung: “Honestly, I had no idea. I wasn't in any condition to really think things through. I was just happy to get my mind off everything.”

Saeyoung snickered and turned to face me. 

Saeyoung: “Now now honey, remember what I told you what would happen if you told him?”  
Me: “Uh, no. Remind me again.”  
Saeyoung: “I'll have to give you a demonstration later.”  
Yoosung: “Ugh, you guys, can you NOT?”  
Saeyoung: “You're welcome to watch if you want.”  
Yoosung: “What? Seriously?”  
Me: “Naughty Yoosung, of course not, he's teasing you.”  
Yoosung: “Ha, haha. Yeah, it figures.”  
Saeran: “Yoosung, I didn't know you we're into that.”  
Yoosung: “Into what?”  
Me: “Guys, leave him alone.”  
Saeyoung: “What? I'm not doing anything.”  
Saeran: “We were wondering what his kinks are.”  
Me: “That's none of your business and I'd appreciate it if you didn't invite people to watch us do things.”  
Saeyoung: “Fine. I was only kidding.”  
Saeran: “His cheeks betrayed him though, he would totally be into it.”  
Yoosung: “You guys are the worst.”  
Me: “They just think they're cool because they get laid. Don't let your lack of a love life make you feel less worthy. There's someone for you out there.”  
Yoosung: “Thanks. You're a good friend. Unlike some people we know.”  
Me: “Whenever these guys are being jackasses to you, just let me know. I'll whip them into submission.”  
Saeyoung: “Babe, that sounded really hot.”  
Saeran: “If you do it dressed in latex I wouldn't mind at all.”  
Me: “I oughta whoop you both right now.”  
Saeyoung: “Not before I spank you first for telling Yoosung.”  
Yoosung: “Spank her, why?”  
Saeran: “Don't even ask.”  
Saeyoung: “Don't worry Yoosung, she knows why.”  
Me: “Ummm, I don't, but OK.”  
Saeyoung: “Oh I'll make sure to remind you.”  
Me: Right, well, enjoy your game. I'll be in the living room if you need me.”

I sat on the sofa with a ball of yarn to crochet for my nieces and nephews. I want to make beanies for all of them before the trip. I took a break when the pizzas arrived and called the boys to eat. Yoosung saw what I was working on and looked impressed. 

Yoosung: “Wow, I didn't know you made stuff like this. My mom also knits.”  
Me: “Ah, well crochet is similar to knitting. It uses 1 needle instead of 2.”  
Yoosung: “That's so cool. What are you making?”  
Me: “Beanies for my nieces and nephews.”  
Yoosung: “Do you have a big family? Do they live nearby?”  
Me: “My parents and siblings live in Hong Kong, I have family in Korea but I don't know them.”  
Yoosung: “Oh. I don't think I've ever heard you talk about your family. I thought you were an only child.”  
Me: “I'm the youngest of 4.”  
Yoosung: “What about your family that lives here? How come you don't know them?”  
Me: “It might sound like a TV drama but my dad's family disowned him for marrying my mom. He's from a rich family and she's a florist's daughter.”  
Yoosung: “Oh my God, that DOES sound like something from TV. I guess your dad's family don't know you exist.”  
Me: “Oh, they do. They just pretend I don't. When my grandparents died, my mom sold the flower shop and moved to Hong Kong with my older sister.”  
Yoosung: “Your family left for Hong Kong and left you alone?”  
Me: “The RFA is my family now.”  
Yoosung: “Yeah, the RFA is our family. Are you excited for the party?”  
Me: “Yeah. I've been answering guest emails between work. It'll be the first party I get to attend.”  
Yoosung: “And Saeran’s too.”  
Me: “It's been almost a year since I joined the RFA.”  
Saeyoung: “Time's flown pretty fast, hasn't it?”  
Me: “Yeah, it's been a crazy ride but I wouldn't change a thing.”  
Saeran: “How about another raid?”  
Yoosung: “I'm in.”  
Me: “You're welcome to stay here if it's too late to head back.”  
Yoosung: “Ummmmm, thanks. You'd make a good mom you know.”  
Me: “Oh. Thanks.”

I forced a smile and started to clean up the table. Saeyoung joined me while Saeran led Yoosung to his room. We put away the trash in silence. Yoosung’s words stung, especially now since it's the anniversary of my baby's death. The day I almost died. The day I lost myself and didn't know if I would ever be whole again. It's painful to recall that once I was expecting a child. I'll never forget the doctor's words when I was still recuperating that the chances of me having a baby develop in my uterus were pretty slim. I didn't understand all the medical jargon at the time but a superficial research confirmed my suspicion. I was infertile. Scarred. That's when I realized it was a miracle I even survived. I wasn't meant to die that day, my baby sacrificed itself so I could live. My body wasn't strong enough for the both of us to escape death. My ex made sure of that. The most fucked up part in all of this is that even after everything I went through with that psycho, I sometimes miss him. He wasn't always an asshole. He was once my friend, drinking buddy, my Muse. He loved that I was smart and sarcastic, but he resented feeling ignorant next to me or being the butt of my jokes. His anger towards me was always evidenced by the vein that would pop on his forehead. That was my cue to shut up. But sometimes I couldn't stay quiet. I had a voice and needed it to be heard. My desire to be vocal ended up being met with his fist. You never forget the first time blood runs through your nose. “Don't be such a bitch.” he said. POW! He punched me. Hot liquid trickled down my nose. I touched my face and licked my lips. It was blood. I don't even remember what I said to “deserve” being punched in the face. It doesn't matter. He took advantage of the fact that I had nowhere else to go. I became enslaved. If I had been stronger then, I could've left him. But I wasn't. I was afraid of being alone and he sort of took care of me. I let him use me because I was too broken to fight back. In my defense, when you're as small and insignificant as me, it's hard to get away from someone as big and influential like my ex. He was no Jumin Han but his dad is a successful litigator. My favorite place I went was his beach house. There we're perks to dating a wealthy man but the cost was too great. My relationship with that beast left me battered and barren. I suppose it was worth it since thanks to that awful experience I was led to the events that involved me with the RFA. I never would've ventured to an address sent by a stranger if I was in my right mind. When people say “Everything happens for a reason.” I have to believe it's true. Life can lead you to unsuspecting places. 

When I sat back down on the sofa to pick up where I left off crocheting, Saeyoung sat next to me and squeezed me into a bear hug. 

Saeyoung: “He's right you know, about you making a wonderful mother.”  
Me: “I guess. It's just, it brought up some painful memories.”  
Saeyoung: “I could see it on your face.”  
Me: “I'm emotional these days. It's been a year since I lost my baby.”  
Saeyoung: “Awwww babe, why didn't you say anything?”  
Me: “Not sure how to bring it up. I'd rather not. It hurts to remember.”

He squeezed me tighter until I gasped. He let go and peppered my face with kisses. 

Me: “Go play with the boys. I'll be fine. Crocheting helps keep my mind busy.”  
Saeyoung: “You sure?”  
Me: “Yeah babe. Go. I want to be alone for a while.”

He kissed my forehead and hugged me tightly once more before standing. 

Saeyoung: “Come to us when you want some company.”  
Me: “I will babe. Thanks.”

I blew him a kiss, he dramatically caught it and put it on his cheek. I giggled and went back to crocheting as he went into Saeran’s room. When I finished the first beanie I went to Saeran's room and lied down on the bed to watch them play. They looked so precious. The 3 of them happily playing, exchanging banter, and arguing over things I have no idea what they are. I feel asleep to the sounds of their cheers and groans. When I woke up the twins we're next to me sleeping. I got up to make coffee and didn't see Yoosung around the house. I took the opportunity of the silence in the house to write. Either one of them should be waking up soon and I'm starving so I'll stop here and get breakfast ready.


	17. Love fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC got sick taking care of Saeran and it's up to Saeyoung to nurse them back to health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been digitizing the chapters between my tablet since it has a longer battery life and laptop when I have access to electricity, still no power at my house. I'm at a Burger King again so I can update this fic before I head to the capital, I start classes on Monday and was told there's no power at my apartment either :(
> 
> There's smut in this chapter. If you've reached this far into the fic you should know by now it's threesome sex, if that's not your cup of tea, well, there are other fics out there to read. To those of you that have stuck around since I started or new subscribers, thank you for reading!

Dear diary, 

Saeran has been sick these past few days and in the process of taking care of him I got sick too. Now Saeyoung is taking care of both of us. He's been switching between his female nurse and male doctor outfit. Laughing is a little painful right now since I feel like I might cough a lung out but I admire his dedication to the role of nursing us back to health. My mom called me yesterday on video chat and saw how sick I was. She promptly wanted to speak to Saeyoung and have him write down her recipe for soup and a list of herbal supplements. I was already taking those since I had bought them for Saeran but it's nice that she shared her soup recipe. After a bowlful, Saeran and I could breathe a bit better. 

Saeran: “Do you have to dress like that?”  
Me: “I like it. Cheers me right up.”  
Saeran: “What is with the 2 of you and cosplay?”  
Saeyoung: “It's fun of course!”  
Me: “You like it when I wear the catsuit.”  
Saeran: “That's different.”  
Saeyoung: “No it's not.”  
Saeran: “Whatever. I still find it disturbing when you cross dress.”  
Saeyoung: “Why? You should try it. It's exciting.”  
Saeran: “More like terrifying.”  
Me: “Is it because he's a mirror of what you would look like as a woman and that's what you find disturbing?”  
Saeran: “Mmmmm, maybe.”  
Me: “I think you'd look good in a skirt.”  
Saeran: “Of course you'd think that. You practically swoon over him when he wears one. I really hate being identical to you.”  
Me: “Awwwww don't be that way. Don't you enjoy making me swoon?”  
Saeran: “Of course I do princess.”  
Me: “I think it's sexier when your voice is hoarse.”  
Saeran: “Is it, princess?”  
Me: “Oh my, your voice really makes my senses tingle.”  
Saeran: “What else do I make tingle? Princess.”  
Me: “Are eargasms possible?”  
Saeyoung: “At the right frequency it’s possible to enjoy an orgasm.”  
Saeran: “You just made that up, didn't you?”  
Saeyoung: “Mmmmm, no. There's actual documentation on it.”  
Me: “Really?”  
Saeyoung: Yup. Less sexy is something called the brown note that quite literally makes you shit yourself when heard.”  
Saeran: “Gross. Shut the fuck up. Now. Please.”  
Me: “Really, babe, ew, stop.”  
Saeyoung: “Alright alright. I'll go boil some water for your tea.”  
Me: “Yes. Go do that. It's tea time.”  
Saeyoung: “He he, fine. Should I change outfits? Do you want your tea served by a Butler or French maid?”  
Saeran: “Neither.”  
Me: “Honey, that's such a hard choice to make. Mmmm, I don't think I've seen you in the Butler costume. Usually Saeran wears it.”  
Saeran: “It's the only costume I don't find appalling.”  
Saeyoung “Do you want me to wear a wig to look different?”  
Me: “Oooooh yes! Wear the short black one.”  
Saeyoung: “Coming right up. Sexy Black Butler cosplay with a side of tea.”  
Saeran: “Bring me ice cream while you're at it.”  
Saeyoung: “Anything, for the people I love most in the world.”

He winked at us and left. 

Saeran: “You're enjoying this.”  
Me: “Of course I am. I feel like utter shit and your brother does anything to cheer us up.”  
Saeran: “He's always been like that. I used to be sick a lot when we were little and he'd always try to make me feel better whenever our mom wasn't looking. He'd sneak out to get medicine and hide to read me stories. We didn't have many books so he'd sometimes make them up.”  
Me: “You didn't know how to read, right?”  
Saeran: “No. I learned after he left. I started going to school when Rika and V visited my mother. I was a quick learner, Rika was impressed with my abilities and started to give me books to read at home.  
Me: “And eventually you learned about computers.”  
Saeran: “Right.”  
Me: “Is there anything you'd be interested in studying?”  
Saeran: “I dunno. I read whatever interests me. I don't just play LOLOL while you're at work. I spent so many years on a single mission, I've missed out on a lot. All my life, everything I've ever known was spoon fed to me. At least now I've been able to learn things on my own.”  
Me: “If you want anything, let me know. Books or whatever.”  
Saeran: “Alright, princess.”  
Me: “Ayyy Saeran-shin.”  
Saeran: “Hmmm?”  
Me: “I love you so much, you know that?”  
Saeran: “I love you too. You'll never abandon me, right?”  
Me: “Of course not. Unless you break my heart.”  
Saeyoung: “Tea time. And ice cream for the young master.”  
Saeran: “It's about time.”  
Saeyoung: “It took me a while to find this wig. I need to find a better way to organize them but there's so many, close to 100.”  
Saeran: “Ugh. Whatever.”  
Me: “You look dashing. I feel a different kind of fever simmering my cheeks.”  
Saeyoung: “Oh ho! Then the effort was worthwhile.”  
Me: “Are those red contacts?”  
Saeyoung: “Indeed. You wanted a Sebastian Michaelis type, didn't you?”  
Me: “Oh my babe, you didn't have to but I sure as hell appreciate it.”  
Saeyoung: “Anything for you, my dear.”  
Me: “Awww babe. I love you.”  
Saeyoung: “Me too honey. Now drink your tea. You too brother. The ginger is good for your throat.”  
Saeran: “Fine. When I've finished my ice cream.

I sipped my tea peacefully, admiring my cute boyfriend to my left and handsomely dressed fianceé to my right. 

Me: “I think you're gonna have to take my clothes off. I'm feeling rather hot. 

Saeyoung cocked an eyebrow and smirked. He placed a hand on my forehead and gasped dramatically. 

Saeyoung: “You're right. We have to get you out of these clothes immediately and give you an injection. No time to fetch the nurse.”  
Me: “I don't think I'm ready for an injection.”  
Saeran: “I think you are.”  
Me: “No. Not both. I'm sick. It's too much if I take in the 2 of you.”

They looked at each other and nodded. “We'll be gentle.” they said. I sighed in defeat. Saeran took my tea cup and pressed his lips to mine. He gulped my gasp as he flitted his tongue in my mouth, inviting me to deepen the kiss. My head started to feel dizzy. My shirt was tugged upwards, prompting me to break the kiss and lift my arms. Saeran continued where he left off while his brother started to lick and nip my neck, shoulders, and back. I moaned loudly into Saeran’s mouth when Saeyoung bit my shoulder and licked it afterwards. I put my arms around Saeran to steady myself but he leaned back on the sofa and I fell on his chest. Saeyoung lifted my legs and placed them on the sofa to crawl between them and remove my panties. What I didn't expect was for him to take them off with his teeth. I looked over my shoulder to see it for myself. Sexiest thing ever and when he stared with those red eyes? Dead. My heart skipped a beat for sure. Saeran grabbed my chin forcefully to continue the make out session. Since we were both sick, our mouths felt hotter than usual. I swear, sometimes the unspoken communication between the twins can be a little eerie. Saeyoung pulled me closer to the middle of the sofa and plunged his tongue inside me, lapping at my juices. Saeran propped himself higher and released his erection from his pajamas while guiding my mouth towards it. Every time Saeyoung worked his tongue into pleasuring me, I'd moan into Saeran’s cock as I pleasured him, adding vibrations that edged him closer to his release. I sucked and bobbed as I was getting licked clean. I could feel my orgasm getting close, Saeran took hold of my head and forced himself down my throat a few times until I tasted his cum, managing to suck him dry without choking while riding my own orgasm.  
Me: “What happened to being gentle?”  
Saeran: “Your mouth was so hot, it felt really good.”  
Saeyoung: “Are you OK?”  
Me: “I'm fine. It didn't really hurt. What you were doing balanced it out.”

I lifted my legs a little and went back to a sitting position.

Me: Saeran, take your clothes off.  
Saeran: Sure thing, princess.

I sat on his lap, my back facing him, and grabbed hold of his dick, pumping it slowly until it was hard enough for me to lift myself a bit and insert him in my wet entrance. He gasped and moaned. 

Saeran: “You're really hot. It's like an oven in here.”  
Me: “Well, I'm sick.”  
Saeyoung: “In more ways than one.”  
Me: “Always. Now drop your pants and get over here mister. Unless you want to be a spectator.”

Saeyoung obeyed my order and stood between my legs. He placed a finger inside me while Saeran thrust, then 2 fingers, until he spread my legs a little higher to push himself into me. I lowered my hips to keep Saeran’s dick from slipping out, he clamped his hands around my waist to pull me closer while his brother pushed me. Saeyoung held my face and kissed me, deepening the kiss as he thrust, swallowing my moans while we fucked. I was panting. I broke the kiss to breathe and cough.  
Me: “You might get sick now.”  
Saeyoung: “You'll take care of me.”  
Me: “Not if I'm still sick.”  
Saeyoung: “Don't worry about me. I'm pretty resilient.”  
Saeran: “Can we NOT have this conversation right now?”  
Me: “Sorry.”

Saeyoung leaned closer to pick me up and Saeran held me tighter. The 2 of them lifted me so I'd be sandwiched between them as they stood, pounding into me. When they found my sweet spot I held on as tight as I could to Saeyoung. I bit his shoulder when I climaxes and waited for them to orgasm so we could all sit down. 

Me: “Let me make you cum again.”  
Saeyoung: “I appreciate the offer but, why?”  
Me: “To even it out with Saeran.”  
Saeyoung: “I'm not keeping score.”  
Me: “OK but, let me do this for you. Just sit there and look sexy for me, please?”  
Saeyoung: “Well, you can't rape the willing.”

I sat on his lap, facing him, taking his half erect cock in my hand to pump it.

Me: “Take your pick.”  
Saeyoung: “Of what?”  
Me: “Pick a method. Hand, oral, vaginal, anal. What do you want?”  
Saeyoung: “I'm your Butler, do what you please.”  
Me: “Babe, you're so hot when you're submissive.”  
Saeran: “I'm gonna shower.”  
Me: “Alright.”

Once Saeyoung’s dick was really hard I lifted my hips to take him in.

Saeyoung: “You really are like an oven.”  
Me: “You were in there just a while ago.”  
Saeyoung: “True but your walls are enclosed all around me.”  
Me: “Ah, I guess you're right. Saeran is also warmer but I feel hotter since I'm squishy internally.”  
Saeyoung: “Squishy, delicious, and sweet like flan.”  
Me: “Mmmm. Just shut up and fuck me.”

He chortled and thrust faster. I gripped the wig too hard and took it off so I laced my fingers in his hair, pulling gently. He kissed my neck and shoulders, licked the wound he made earlier, I scratched his back and ended up taking off all his clothes. I smirked when I saw his bare chest and arms. 

Me: “You're really beautiful.”  
Saeyoung: “Thanks. So are you. And oddly vocal for once.”  
Me: “Must be the fever.”

He was right though, apart from simple commands and moaning, I had never attempted to talk while fucking. It was something new. I guess it threw them off a bit. He released but I didn't. To that, he pouted, but I reminded him that I had already orgasmed twice. We headed to the shower together and were surprised to see he had prepared a bubble bath. A floral scent permeated the air around us. 

Me: “Is that jasmine I smell?”  
Saeran: “It's lotus.”  
Saeyoung: “My my brother, you've outdone yourself.”  
Saeran: “Allow me to take care of you. Get in. The both of you.”  
Saeyoung: “You serious?”  
Saeran: “Yes. Just get in with her.”

We shrugged our shoulders and got into the bathtub. Saeran picked up a measuring cup and soaked our hair with it. 

Saeyoung: “Remember when we used to bathe together?”  
Saeran: “Yeah, that's where I got the idea from.”  
Me: “I'm sure both of you looked really cute together sharing the bathtub. I can already imagine the bright golden eyes and mops of wet red hair.”  
Saeyoung: “You don't have to imagine it. We're right here.”  
Me: “But you're not children anymore.”  
Saeran: “True. We're legal now.”  
Me: “Dammit Saeran. I wasn't being sexual about it.”  
Saeran: “Of course not.”  
Me: “I'm not a pedophile.”  
Saeran: “Didn't say you were.”  
Me: “Ugh, whatever.”

He chuckled and poured water over my head so it'd get in my face. 

Me: “Argh. Watch it.”

Saeyoung chuckled and I splashed water towards them. 

Saeyoung: “Now, don't make a mess. Just because I dress up as a Butler doesn't mean I'm your servant.”

I humphed and crossed my arms. Saeran took a wash cloth and poured liquid soap on it to lather and clean his brother with it. He gave one to him to use on me. It looked a little weird seeing Saeran wash his brother but after a moment it seemed normal. There was something innocent in the act of bathing, nothing sexual at all. Just bath time. I used to shower with my sisters even when we're all adults just to hurry up because there was only one bathroom at my parents old house.

Saeyoung: “We should get a bigger bathtub.”  
Me: “That'd be nice. That way we'd all fit.”  
Saeran: “We fit right now, but uncomfortably.”  
Me: “Exactly. It's not like you bought the place thinking you'd have a family. I'm surprised you have more than 2 rooms.  
Saeyoung: “Definitely didn't plan on having anyone live with me. But my bachelor pad has evolved into a cozy home, right?”  
Me: “Yeah babe. It looks pretty decent.”  
Saeran: “As decent as it can be for a pair of hackers.”  
Me: “We've made progress. There's a garden now.”  
Saeran: “If you can call it that. It's a patch of dirt with a few plants.”  
Me: “It's a start. It'll grow and bloom with time.”  
Saeyoung: “Like your love for us.”  
Me: “Yup. Just like my love for you.”

They each leaned in to kiss a cheek. I felt my face burning up again. 

Saeyoung: “Is your fever back?”  
Me: “Nah, it's just love fever.”  
Saeran: “Love fever?”

He chuckled and pulled the plug to turn on the shower. We rinsed and I shut it off. Saeran handed us our bath robes and a towel for my hair. We got dressed and the twins went to the kitchen to make dinner. They told me to stay in bed to rest. Saeran saw me writing and said dinner would be ready soon. That's my cue to stop before Saeyoung barges in to drag me to eat. It's hard to escape from them for long.


	18. Unknown.exe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a year since MC opened an app and started chatting with strangers. Saeran thought he'd commemorate the day with a game of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoilers for V route, but it's nothing big, just tid bits about Saeran. No smut in this one. I had fun writing this, kept pretty entertained, since I couldn't play any games, I made one of my own. Being without electricity has made me a bit more creative with my writing.
> 
> It's a relatively short chapter, next one will be one of those really long ones with a ton of smut XD I wanted a nice fluffy chapter in between.

Dear diary, 

Saeran never ceases to amaze me. I was getting ready to go to work yesterday and popped into the messenger for a while, Zen and Jumin recommended some guests, then the chat got hacked. I saw the familiar background in code and Unknown and I were the only users. 

Unknown: Good morning, princess.  
Me: Saeran? WTF?  
Unknown: Remind me to tell my brother to strengthen the messenger security. His coding is sloppy and predictable but enough of that. Guess what day it is today.  
Me: The anniversary since you first hacked my phone?  
Saeran: *cheer emoji*  
I was afraid I'd have to drop hints but I'm happy you got it on your first try.  
Me: Happy anniversary sweetie!  
Saeran: Are you ready to play a game?  
Me: I was going to go to work but what did you have in mind?  
Saeran: Go to work in your car. I left you something at your office. I'll contact you later.  
Me: Ummm OK.  
Saeran: See you later princess. 

The chat room went back to normal. 

Zen: You OK? You disappeared for a minute.  
Me: Yeah, I'm fine. I gotta go to work. We'll chat later.  
Jumin: I shall do the same. Have a good day.  
Me: Bye Jumin. Take care Zen. 

I had no idea what kind of surprise was waiting for me. I felt giddy and excited, I poured my coffee into a travel mug and went to kiss Saeyoung goodbye. 

Me: “Your brother said your coding is sloppy and predictable and that you need to strengthen the messenger security.”  
Saeyoung: “And why would he say that?”  
Me: “Check the logs babe. He hacked it.”  
Saeyoung: “He what?”  
Me: “Why not have him help you? 2 hackers are better than 1.”  
Saeyoung: “Huh. It's not a terrible idea.”  
Me: “Of course not! I'm off to work honey.”  
Saeyoung: “Why are you leaving so early?”  
Me: “Saeran has a surprise for me at the office.”  
Saeyoung: “A surprise?”  
Me: “Apparently it's our anniversary.”  
Saeyoung: “What anniversary?”  
Me: “Since he hacked my phone.”  
Saeyoung: “So that's why he hacked the app. It's been a year already?”  
Me: “Yup. See you later babe!”  
Saeyoung: “Bye honey. Don't follow random addresses from strangers.”  
Me: “Oh ha ha. Muah!”

It took me less time than usual to get to the office since there was less traffic at that hour. Didn't even finish my coffee on the way there. I was the first to arrive at the office, I took in my surroundings and tried to notice anything different. It all looked the same. I checked my drawers, nothing there. I sat on my desk to think. Saeran’s a hacker. I decided to check my computer. There it was, on my desktop, an icon called Unknown.exe. It had a cute sprite version of his face with the white and pink hair with mask. A year ago when I lived here I probably would of freaked out at the sight of it but now I found it adorable and endearing. I mean, my boyfriend made it for me. I double clicked the icon and the program entered full screen. The background was black with green letters, very Terminal like. 

Input your name: ________

The screen said. I typed my name and pressed Enter. A game loaded, the graphics looked like something out of a Super Nintendo or Game Boy. That's what he meant by playing a game. He literally made a game for me to play. There was a menu on the top, I clicked on the Help button. The Unknown sprite came up with a chat bubble. 

“Does the princess need help? Y/N”

I typed Y and pressed Enter. 

“Very well! Allow me to explain the game. There's a boy hidden in a palace. Your mission is to save him. You will meet characters along the way that will offer aid in some way or another, but watch out for the one named Saeran. He will do anything to make sure you can't reach the palace. You have until sundown to save the boy. Good luck, princess.”

An avatar that looked like me was dropped into a room that sort of resembled the apartment from a year ago. Instructions appeared at the top of the screen. 

“Open Inventory and click on Phone.”

I followed the instructions and a pop up chat appeared. It was a sprite version of the RFA Messenger. All the members were there except V. I selected the options that I thought would get me somewhere. Yoosung mentioned a book he was reading for a class that the title seemed familiar to me. The chat was definitely not a transcript from the original. It was specifically made for the game. I selected the option that asked about the book and Yoosung said I could find it at the library. I guessed that was my first mission. The pop up chat ended and a door opened. The gameplay was kinda like Legend of Zelda from SNES crossed with Pokemon on Game Boy Color. I noticed the countdown meter on the top left of the screen as my sprite walked around. I checked the menu for a map, the keyboard shortcut for it was the letter M. A partial map appeared in a pop up window. Only areas I visited were visible so I couldn't see where the library was. I checked the inventory and clicked on Phone. Another pop up chat appeared. I waited to see if there was any option that would tell me how to get to the library, instead I had to meet with Jaehee at a coffee shop. I groaned at the side mission but was amazed by my boyfriend's cleverness. I made my sprite walk around and eventually found a building with a coffee logo. I went inside and saw the Jaehee sprite. I walked up to her and engaged in conversation. I didn't get directions to the library but she gave me tickets to see a musical. I had to meet with her after having lunch with Jumin. I was startled when my coworker walked into the office and greeted me. I didn't hear her come in. She apologized for scaring me. 

Ji-hye: “You seemed pretty engrossed there, playing a game?”  
Me: “Ah hahaha, yes, an RFA guest sent it for me to play.”  
Ji-hye: “Oh, so it's work RFA related.”  
Me: “Yeah, some guests have weird requests.”  
Ji-hye: “Some guests are just plain weird.”  
Me: “Hahahaha, true. Well, I gotta keep playing this. It's on a timer.”  
Ji-hye: “Oh go ahead. Sorry.”

I nodded and focused on the game. I pressed the shortcut for Phone, which was the letter P and a pop up chat appeared. It was just Yoosung and me, I had to meet him for breakfast at his university cafeteria. I walked my sprite around until I found an entrance that said SKY UNIVERSITY. It was locked. I pressed P and got a chat with 707. He said I should wear a costume if I wanted to infiltrate the university and hinted to check the apartment. I headed back to the apartment and the closet door was open, I walked towards it and an item appeared: Student costume. It was added to my inventory, I clicked on it and chose Wear. My sprite changed its clothes. I headed to the locked entrance and managed to walk in this time. There I met with Yoosung and he led me to the cafeteria where we ate omurice. Ji-hye called me and I looked in her direction. 

Ji-hye: “Did you order takeout?”  
Me: “No. Why?”  
Ji-hye: “There's a food delivery for you.”  
Me: “Oh. It must be from my boyfriend. Bring it in for me, please?”  
Ji-hye: “Your boyfriend is so thoughtful.”  
Me: “Yeah, I skipped breakfast this morning to avoid traffic.”  
Ji-hye: “That's so sweet of him.”

When I opened the bag and pulled out the container, it was omurice. Just like in the game. I sent him a text: “You're the coolest boyfriend ever. Thanks for breakfast.” He replied: “^_^ Don't skip your meals. XOXO” I finished my food as fast as I could to get back to the game. I pressed P to get a chat. I had to find 707’s glasses and give them to Zen. I had no idea where to look for them but figured the apartment would be a good start. On my way there I encountered a girl. A dialog box popped up and she said she was giving away flowers and that she had one just for me. A new item was added to my inventory: Blue rose. I headed back to the apartment and didn't find anything in the closet but when I got close to the computer on my way out a new item appeared: 707’s glasses. Finding Zen was my next mission. I pressed P for the chat and engaged with Jumin. I was to meet with him at his office where he needed me to sign something. Driver Kim was going to pick me up only if I had a blue dress on. I checked the closet in the apartment to see if anything popped up. No such luck. Of course the game wouldn't be that easy. I sighed and pressed M to check the map. There was a store next to the coffee shop so I went there to check it out. When I reached the store it had a dress sign on it, I tried to go in but got a pop up message saying: “No students allowed.” I quickly switched clothes in the inventory and went inside the store. A shopkeeper sprite greeted me, it was Angre Kim. We exchanged words, I had to give him the musical tickets in exchange for the blue dress. We made the trade and as soon as my sprite changed into the dress, I got a pop up message from Jumin saying that Driver Kim was on his way. I exited the store and a car showed up in front of me. I walked up to it, a Get in option appeared, I pressed Enter, and the screen went black for a few seconds. My sprite showed up in front of a building with a C&R logo. I went inside and received the item “Fancy pen” at the front desk. There I was told to get on the elevator. I walked around the lobby until I found the elevator at the back and got on it. There I met with Jaehee, she handed me an invitation I had to give to 707. When I stepped out of the elevator I was in Jumin’s office. We engaged in conversation, traded Fancy pen for Wine bottle, and headed out for lunch. Driver Kim picked us up in front of the C&R building and we were transported to a building with a McDonald's logo. I laughed. I tried to picture Jumin going to an actual McDonald's and found it hilarious. Must try that in real life. The Jumin sprite sat at a table and I walked up to the counter. I was greeted by 707 disguised as an employee. I ordered 2 cheeseburgers and fries and paid him with the invitation Jaehee had given me. I picked up the order and sat with Jumin to eat. When he was finished he gave me an item called “VIP Pass” and told me to meet with Jaehee at C&R. Ji-hye called me again and I craned my neck to look at her. 

Ji-hye: “I think your boyfriend ordered lunch for us.”  
Me: “Let me guess. Cheeseburgers and fries?”  
Ji-hye: “Yeah, how'd you know?”  
Me: “Just an educated guess.”  
Ji-hye: “I'm guessing the Melon soda is for you.”  
Me: “He got me a Ramune Melon?”  
Ji-hye: “Yeah and a banana milk for me. How did he know that's my usual drink?”  
Me: “I must've mentioned it before, he has a good memory.”  
Ji-hye: “Wow. You're so lucky. He's never done this before, right?”  
Me: “No. He's just making today special because it's the anniversary of when we first met.”  
Ji-hye: “Awww how romantic. That's really sweet of him.”  
Me: “Yeah. He's quite the sweetie pie sometimes. Let's eat, shall we?”  
Ji-hye: “Send my regards to your boyfriend. He's doing it right by sending you food instead of flowers, much more practical and satisfying.”  
Me: “Haha OK, I'll tell him.”

We ate lunch together and I sent him a text when I was finished eating. 

Me: Lunch was delicious. Ji-hye sends her regards and thanks you. She said you're doing it right by sending food instead of flowers.  
Saeran: Lol. You're welcome. How's the game?  
Me: I can't believe it. It's amazing! I'm beyond impressed.  
Saeran: I'm glad you're impressed. Let me know what you think of it when you reach the end.  
Me: Alright. I just finished lunch and getting back to the game now.  
Saeran: Have fun! 

It's not every day your boyfriend makes a custom game just for you. I picked up where I left off. I got in the car with Jumin and went to the C&R building. Jaehee was next to the front desk. I walked up to her and engaged in conversation, we traded VIP Pass for Elizabeth the 3rd photo. She told me to follow her, we stepped out of the building and walked down the street where we met with Zen. I traded with him 707’s glasses for Leather Jacket and he told me to meet with Yoosung at the library. I changed into my student costume and pressed M to see in which direction I had to go to. At the SKY University entrance I was greeted by 707 disguised as a student. We traded Elizabeth the 3rd photo for Library card. He said Yoosung needed help with his homework and that he'd be waiting for me at the library. I walked around the campus and found the Saeran sprite. He told me that the red head was lying, Yoosung was just fine and didn't need any help, he tried to convince me to head back to the apartment. 

“It's cold outside. Wear a jacket.” he said. 

I noticed his sprite wasn't wearing a jacket so I opened the inventory and under Leather Jacket there was an option for “Give” and “Wear”. I clicked on Give and the Saeran sprite had the jacket on. His face went red and left, an item was dropped, I picked it up and “Elixir” was added to my inventory. I kept walking around and eventually found the library. I met with Yoosung and traded Library Card for Fairy tale book. In my inventory the option Read was under the book, I clicked on it and was shocked to see a sprite version of the story that Saeyoung read to Saeran when they were children. At the end of the story a new item appeared called “Map”. I clicked on it and the map was now complete, the black spots filled in, a red dot marked where I was, and I spotted the palace at the edge of the map. I left the library and got a pop up message from 707:

“Emergency. Meet me at apartment.”

I went to the apartment and met with 707 in his normal clothes. He said my life was in danger and that I needed protection. I received an item called “Guard dog”. I clicked on it and a dog sprite showed up next to me. He had his own menu when I clicked on him with the options: Scan, Attack, and Hide. The Saeran sprite popped up and threatened to blow us all up if I didn't come with him to Magenta. I used the Hide option on the dog, the 707 and Saeran sprite argued, I clicked Scan on the dog, he looked greyish and he found the bomb. When I clicked on the dog again there was a Disable option, I clicked on it and a pop up message appeared saying the bomb had been disable. The Saeran sprite got angry and grabbed me. I opened my inventory and gave him the Blue Rose. He took it, let go of me, his face went red and left. An item called “Key” was dropped. I picked it up and it was added to my inventory. 707 told me to follow him and we walked to the closet, there an item called “Black robe” popped up. We walked out of the apartment and met with Vanderwood’s sprite. He told me I needed to retrieve 707’s glasses if I wanted a ride to Magenta. I put on the blue dress to see if Driver Kim would pick me up and it worked, I was transported to the C&R building and I walked down the street to reach the theatre. At the entrance a sprite greeted me and asked for Musical tickets to get in. I didn't have any. I pressed P for a pop up chat. Zen was there and said I could get in if I showed my RFA ID at the entrance. I needed to see Jumin for that. I went back to the C&R building and headed to Jumin’s office. We engaged in conversation and traded Wine bottle for RFA ID. I headed back to the theatre and gave RFA ID to the usher at the entrance. Zen was waiting for me inside, he gave me 707’s glasses and left. A new item called “Zenfie” appeared and was added to my inventory. I stifled a laugh. Zen’s selfie is a Zenfie. My boyfriend is pretty creative. I went back to the C&R building and the car was parked in front, when I walked up to it a new option appeared: Where to? I clicked on it and the map popped up with green dots in some places. I clicked on the one that marked the apartment. The screen went black for a few seconds and I was in front of the apartment building. Nobody else was there. I went inside to the apartment and and got a pop up message from 707:

“Meet me at my house. Make sure to bring my glasses.”

I stepped outside and got in the car. I found 707’s house on the map and clicked on the green dot. The screen went black and I was transported to a gate. I walked up to it and a pop up message appeared: What is 707’s birthname? I typed Saeyoung, pressed Enter, and the gate opened. When I reached the door I was greeted by 707, I gave him his glasses, and he told me to follow him. We walked to where his computer was and he showed me a picture of a red headed boy. 

“This is my brother, Ray. I need your help to save him. I can't do it alone. Will you help me? Y/N”

I typed Y and pressed Enter. 707 proceeds to tell me that there's a hacker keeping Ray locked up and that the only way to save him is to get the hacker to release him. A new item appeared in my inventory: Childhood photo. 707 leads me to the garage where we meet with Vanderwood. He blocks 707 from getting into his car. I use the guard dog and select “Attack” to distract Vanderwood so we could get into the car and escape. We arrive at Magenta. 707 tells me to put on the black robe and we walk around until we reach a door. A pop up message shows up that says: Enter code word. I input “Magenta” and press Enter. A warning message pops up saying ACCESS DENIED. I try again and type “Mint Eye”. When I press Enter nothing happened but then a message popped up saying ACCESS GRANTED. The door opened and we walked in. I followed the 707 sprite down a hallway until we reach the computer room. Saeran was there waiting for us. The hackers argued again. I opened the inventory and gave Saeran the item “Childhood photo.” He gets angry and leaves. A new item drops down called “Golden rose”. I follow 707 out and narrowly escape 3 hooded figures. We made it outside. We had taken a different route when we were trying to run away from the hooded figures and reached a garden. There we met Saeran again. He told me I had the key to save Ray and to choose carefully. I checked my inventory and tried to figure out which item could be the key. I had 3 items I thought I could use: Elixir, Key, and Golden rose. I picked the rose, when I did, his sprite changed to a red headed boy. 

“Like a rose, love can grow and bloom with patience and dedication. Thank you for saving me from myself.” he said. 

A fairy tale book “The End” popped up on the screen and faded to black. I pressed Esc to exit the game. I was shook. There was an underlying message in the game. He was trying to tell me something. I couldn't figure out what it was in that moment. I was tired. The game drained me. I opened the RFA emails to get my mind off of it. I started to respond to the messages from the guests that were recommended in the morning. I jumped in my seat when my phone rang. It was my boyfriend of course, wanting an update. 

Saeran: “You finished the game a lot faster than I anticipated.”  
Me: “Spying on me, are you?”  
Saeran: “Of course not. I know you hate that. The game is programmed to send me progress reports.”  
Me: “I figured as much.”  
Saeran: “What did you think of my game?”  
Me: “Let's talk about it at home. I have work to finish.”  
Saeran: “As you wish, princess. See you at home.”  
Me: “See you soon sweetie.”

I finished my work on time and went home. The twins were waiting for me at the table. I greeted them with a kiss on the cheek. 

Saeyoung: “So, what was the surprise?”  
Me: “You don't know?”  
Saeyoung: “No. He wouldn't tell me. I was blackmailed into not entering his room.”  
Me: “It was a PC game he made.”  
Saeyoung: “Really? What kind of game?”  
Me: “Like an SNES type video game with a quest and missions.”  
Saeyoung: “I gotta see it. You have to show me.”  
Saeran: “I recorded her gameplay. You can watch it later.”  
Me: “I'm not surprised.”  
Saeran: “What did you think of it?”  
Me: “I have a question about the game.”  
Saeran: “Shoot.”  
Me: “Who's Ray?”  
Saeran: “Oh. At Mint Eye every member adopted a new name after initiation as a symbol of starting a new life. Ray is what I called myself.”  
Me: “So when I saved Ray, it symbolized when we saved you from Mint Eye.”  
Saeran: “You could say that.”  
Me: “Why was the hacker named Saeran and not Unknown?”  
Saeran: “2 reasons; the first one is simple, because it's my name. The second is “Unknown” is just what happens when you don't set a username in the RFA Messenger. The withdrawals made me feel emotional. Ray and Saeran are 2 sides of the same coin. The Elixir of Salvation I drank had some nasty side effects that with its continued use caused me to have a split personality. Depending on the items you'd choose you could've seen the Saeran avatar change to Ray.”  
Me: “I only saw the change at the end.”  
Saeyoung: “Yeah, I really wanna see the game now.”  
Saeran: “Let's have dinner first.”  
Me: “I'd save you all over again if I had to. I love you so much.”  
Saeran: “I believe you. You chose the Blue rose not knowing what it did instead of the Elixir or Guard dog. That's proof enough for me.”  
Saeyoung: “You made a game to test her love for you?”  
Saeran: “Not exactly. It didn't start out that way.”  
Me: “I'm a lover not a fighter. I picked the roses because I knew they had significance.”  
Saeran: “You figured it out pretty well.”  
Me: “Of course. I'm your girlfriend. It's my job to know you.”

He chuckled and we ate dinner quietly. When we finished and the dishes were done, Saeran showed his brother the video of my gameplay. I sat with them to watch. I was curious to see Saeyoung’s reactions. He was just as impressed as I was at the details in the game and asked a lot of questions, some technical and other about alternate choices. 

Saeyoung: “Can I play it?”  
Saeran: “It wasn't designed for you.”  
Saeyoung: “Aw c’mon. Please?”  
Saeran: “Whatever. Fine.”  
Saeyoung: “Make me a copy.”  
Saeran: “You're gonna hack it and make your own version, aren't you?”  
Saeyoung: “Am I that predictable?”  
Saeran & Me: “Yes.”  
Saeyoung: “In stereo.”  
Saeran: “Do what you want. It served its purpose.”  
Me: “What was the purpose?”  
Saeran: “To show you how your love changed me.”  
Me: “You both changed my life for the better. I don't regret trying to help a stranger or fall for a quirky secret agent that made me laugh.”  
Saeyoung: “And cry.”  
Me: “Only because you pushed me away.”  
Saeyoung: “The record shows it was for your own safety.”  
Me: “In my defense, I really thought the secret agent stuff was bullshit. It didn't sink in until I met Vanderwood.”  
Saeyoung: “Took you long enough. It's my fault for being a notorious prankster. Nobody takes me seriously when they should.”  
Saeran: “That's what you get for being a clown.”  
Me: “At least he made danger seem fun.”  
Saeyoung: “Babe, no. Stop.”  
Saeran: “Danger seem fun. You're crazy.”  
Me: “I have to be to live with the 2 of you.”  
Saeyoung: “Ouch.”  
Saeran: “Good point.”  
Me: “I'm just happy we survived.”  
Saeyoung: “Me too.”  
Saeran: “That makes 3 of us.”

I went to the living room to watch my shows and Saeran joined me. Saeyoung stayed behind to play the game himself. 

Me: “Thank you for choosing me.”  
Saeran: “I knew you were perfect.”  
Me: “Oh really? But, who knew you were perfect for ME?”  
Saeran: “Happy coincidence.”  
Me: “I'm glad you're part of my life.”  
Saeran: “I could say the same.”

I curled up next to him and eventually fell asleep in his arms. I woke up to the smell of brewed coffee my boyfriend made. He told me he was going to work with his brother on patching up the messenger security and help him code the new version of the game. They've been at it all day. It's nice since it's given me time to write and draw but they tend to forget to eat when they're busy so I should probably go check on them.


	19. Sinning is winning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Saeran and MC's first RFA party, not sure what to expect, she does her best to acclimate, it was quite the experience. Things take a turn once they're at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a long chapter, it's been a while since I've written one like this, since I had to handwrite this first, my wrist hurt, lol. All of these were written one after the other by hand, I'm in the process of digitizing the rest, don't know when the next update will be available, enjoy!

Dear diary, 

It finally happened, my first RFA party. Saeyoung wore a black tuxedo, Saeran a white one, and I wore a split color black and white dress. That way we matched when they stood next to me. I can't wait to see all the photos that were taken but just looking at the ones I have on my phone make me sigh and smile. They looked so dreamy. Saeran had his green contacts on that day, I told him he didn't have to wear them if his brother was wearing glasses, but he insisted. He hates being mistaken for his twin. It wasn't enough for him that they were wearing different colored suits. It's impossible to coax Saeran into doing anything when he's being stubborn. I'm just glad he agreed to escort me. 

“Of course I'll escort you. I'm your boyfriend.” he said to me when I asked him if he was sure that he wanted to go. We arrived at the venue in Saeyoung’s 3 passenger Ferrari. If that didn't turn enough heads, when I had a twin at each side escorting me, people thought I was a celebrity. We greeted Jaehee at the door and Zen quickly spotted us once we were inside. 

Zen: “Look at you, in a designer dress, you're even more stunning than at my premiere. The matching tuxedos are a nice touch. You guys really clean up very well.”  
Saeyoung: “I'll never be as dreamy as you but she loves it when I dress up.”  
Me: “You're all handsome in your own way and Saeyoung, you look super dreamy. I'm getting sexy secret agent vibes from you.”  
Zen: “Saeyoung sexy? Well, I don't know about that but you do look picture perfect. Let's take a selfie.”  
Saeyoung: “You mean a Zenfie?”  
Zen: “A Zenfie? I like the sound of that.”  
Saeran: “Of course you would.”

We took pictures together until Yoosung came up to us. 

Yoosung: “Matching outfits, that's so cool. Great to see you here together.”  
Saeyoung: “Wouldn't miss it. She worked so hard on this, she deserves to see the fruits of her labor.”  
Yoosung: “Yeah, it's too bad you missed last year's party.”  
Me: “It's OK. This year I'll just have double the fun.”

I squeezed Saeran’s hand and he squeezed it back. 

Zen: “Shall we get some drinks?”  
Me: “I thought you'd never ask.”  
Zen: “Nervous?”  
Me: “Mostly anxious.”  
Zen: “Follow me.”  
Saeran: “I'll come with you.”

Zen took us to the open bar, I got a glass of red wine and as I was drinking I was startled when I heard my name being called close by. Almost spilled wine on my dress. 

Me: “Fuck, this is why I hate wearing white, it's a stain waiting to happen.”  
Jumin: “What an improper way to greet someone.”  
Zen: “You scared her.”  
Jumin: “It was not my intention.”  
Me: “I know Jumin. I'm just on edge. It's nice to see you again.”  
Jumin: “You did an impeccable job with the guest list. We hope to see at least triple the amount we collected last year.”  
Me: “Thank you. That's good to hear. I'm not used to being around so many high profile people.”  
Zen: “The party is at least twice as big. We had more time to prepare for this one. Of course we should be able to collect more donations.”  
Jumin: “Yes, last year's was rather rushed but still a success. And how are you doing Mr. Choi?”  
Saeran: “I feel lucky to be here. The RFA has welcomed me as one of their own and I'm happy to be able to do some good.”  
Jumin: “Yes, I'm glad you see it that way as well. The RFA is like my family and that includes you as well. Even if I don't agree with your tryst.”  
Me: “Jumin, don't. Please have some wine and continue to greet guests.”  
Jumin: “Very well. I'll take my leave.”  
Zen: “Ugh, that guy. Tactless as always.”  
Saeran: “If there's one thing I like about Jumin Han is that he's brutally honest.”  
Zen: “Emphasis on brutal.”  
Saeran: “You handled him pretty well. It was surprising.”  
Me: “I won't allow anyone to speak ill of our relationship. I'd tell off the prime minister himself if need be. I could care less if Jumin is my boss, for that very reason I've told him it's inappropriate to say anything about my love life.”  
Zen: “God, you're feisty when you're angry. Do you want some more wine?”  
Me: “Yes, please.”  
Zen: “I'll be right back.”  
Saeran: “You'd tell off the prime minister yourself, huh? I'd love to see that.”  
Me: “For you? Anything. Put me in a room with him and I'll give him a piece of my mind.”  
Saeyoung: “Give who a piece of your mind?”  
Saeran: “The prime minister.”  
Saeyoung: “He's here?”  
Me: “No babe. But if he were, I'd give him a stern speech.”  
Saeyoung: “You will do no such thing if you know what's good for you.”  
Saeran: “Her feathers got ruffled by something Jumin said.”  
Saeyoung: “What happened?”  
Me: “Jumin said he didn't agree with our “tryst”.”  
Saeran: “To his credit, he also said he accepted me as family.”  
Saeyoung: “Well of course, you're RFA now.”  
Me: “That's what they were talking about, the RFA family but his disgusted face and the way he said “tryst” got to me.”  
Zen: “Trust fund kid has a knack for getting on people's nerves. Here's your wine, the line keeps getting longer, we should move to our table.”  
Saeyoung: “That's why I'm here. I came to get you. There are guests that personally wish to greet you. It's easier for them to spot you if you're at the table.”  
Me: “Oh. I didn't think I'd have to greet the guests as well.”  
Zen: “Party coordinator is an important role. There wouldn't be any guests without you.”  
Me: “When you put it like that, it makes sense. I should get another glass.”  
Saeyoung: “There's a bottle at the table.”  
Me: “You'll make a fine husband indeed.”  
Saeran: “Shall we?”  
Me: “We shall.”

Zen and the twins walked me to the table. As soon as we sat down, Jaehee was at the podium and commenced the greeting. She introduced Jumin, he spoke a few words about the last party and the loss of one of the founders. Good thing I was wearing waterproof mascara because my eyes teared up a bit. V’s death is always a painful memory. I'll never forget the sound that emanated from the gun in Saeran’s hand or the pool of blood around V’s body. The twins were quick to pick up my mood shift and held my hand. Bless those boys, they give me strength when I need it. At some point in Jumin’s speech I heard my name and a round of applause. I stood up, waved, and sat back down. I was grateful Jumin didn't call me to the podium. I'm a writer not an orator. I gulped what was left of wine in my glass and tried to relax. Jaehee took charge of the microphone again, said a few things about the schedule, then the music started once she was off the stage.

Saeran: “You're relieved he didn't call you up.”  
Me: “You know me so well.”  
Saeran: “Of course. It's my job to know you.”  
Me: “Can you pour me some wine?”  
Saeran: “As you wish princess.”  
Me: “Ay Saeran-shin, stop it.”  
Zen: “Are they always like this?”  
Saeyoung: “Pretty much. Bro, just half the glass.”  
Me: “Pffft. Party pooper.”  
Saeyoung: “We're at a fundraising babe, act classy.”  
Me: “Fine.”

Zen chuckled. 

Me: “How do you do it Zen?”  
Zen: “Do what?”  
Me: “Act classy around high society.”  
Zen: “It took some getting used to. V helped me out back then when I first joined. It's not as different than taking on a role.”  
Me: “Ah well. I'm no actress. I did take etiquette classes once upon a time though.”  
Zen: “Really?”  
Me: “Yeah. My ex was from a rich family and he forced me to take them before meeting his parents.”  
Saeyoung: “Always full of surprises, aren't you?”  
Me: “I just remembered when you said “Act classy.” You know I hate talking about him. Besides, you're one to talk.”  
Saeyoung: “I know babe, I'm sorry.”  
Zen: “Your ex from the uh…”  
Me: “Yes.”  
Zen: “Oh. From a rich family huh. Probably spoiled rotten.”

Yoosung and Jaehee sat with us at that moment. I was happy for the interruption.

Yoosung: “It's your turn to host.”  
Me: “Is it?”  
Zen: “I'll go with you.”  
Me: “I appreciate it.”

I let go of my glass and stood up to follow Zen. I touched the twins’ shoulder before heading out into the crowd. 

Zen: “Don't be nervous. You'll do great. Trust me.”  
Me: “I trust you. I just don't trust myself.”  
Zen: “Relax. All you have to do is smile and nod.”  
Me: “Smile and nod. Got it.”

The guests that recognised me started to come up to us. I did like Zen said; smile and nod, bow if they bow, shake their hand if they extend it, just meet and greet. It was a lot easier than I expected. 

Zen: “Sorry for mentioning the you know what.”  
Me: “It's fine. They know that you know about it.”  
Zen: “Don't you find that a little weird?”  
Me: “I was weirded out the second you told me. Mortified to be more accurate. But I don't keep secrets from them.”  
Zen: “I'm sorry about that. I wish I'd never seen the video.”  
Me: “Show me one of yours and we're even.”  
Zen: “I don't have any videos like that.”  
Me: “It's OK. I wasn't serious.”  
Zen: “Maybe I should have my own sex tape.”  
Me: “I don't think you want people to recognize you for THAT. You'd rather be known for your acting, right?”  
Zen: “Absolutely. What was I even saying? I don't even like taking modeling jobs because it has nothing to do with musicals.”  
Me: “That's what friends are for. But if it's any consolation, I think you'd make a good porn actor.”  
Zen: “How do you know? You've never seen me naked.”  
Me: “No but, I've seen you dance and act, I can imagine the rest.”  
Zen: “You've thought of me that way?”  
Me: “Casual curiosity but no real interest. I have enough on my plate.”  
Zen: “That's quite the understatement.”  
Me: “Part of my reality.”  
Zen: “They don't hurt you, do they?”  
Me: “No. They're nothing like my ex. They truly care for me.”  
Zen: “Thank God. I can tell they love you but you never know what happens in the privacy of a person's home.”  
Me: “Don't worry. I'm being well taken care of.”  
Zen: “I'm glad. I just want you to be safe. They're sadists.”  
Me: “I know. I'm more than capable of punishing them if I need to.”  
Zen: “Punishing them?”  
Me: “It's best if you don't know the details.”  
Zen: “Like a dominatrix?”  
Me: “So you DO know about that stuff.”  
Zen: “Let's go back to the table.”  
Me: “Awww Zenny, but I wasn't done talking.”  
Zen: “It's best if we don't talk about this here, or anywhere for that matter.”  
Me: “Fine. You're such a prude sometimes.”  
Zen: “I consider myself a gentleman first and foremost.”  
Me: “Well, I sure as hell know I'm no lady.”  
Zen: “You can always pretend.”  
Saeyoung: “Babe, you gotta stop scaring our friends. I knew I shouldn't have left you alone with him for long.”  
Zen: “Like you're any better.”  
Saeran: “He's got a point. You're both terrible.”  
Zen: “How do you put up with them?”  
Saeran: “I dunno. I guess we're all a little crazy.”  
Me: “He totally gets me.”  
Zen: “I'm off to the bar.”  
Me: “See you Zenny boy. God, he's such a prude.”  
Yoosung: “Why would you call Zen a prude?”  
Me: “Saeyoung said to stop scaring my friends so for YOUR sake, I'm not going to answer your question until you're in a relationship.”  
Yoosung: “Why do you all treat me like a kid?”  
Saeran: “Because you're too innocent.”  
Me: “It's ‘cause you're a virgin.”  
Yoosung: “Shhhh. Nobody needs to know that.”  
Me: “Then don't ask me about sex.”  
Saeyoung: “Why not use that etiquette you learned? This topic is not appropriate.”  
Me: “Could you please pour me some wine?”  
Saeyoung: “Only because you said please.”  
Jaehee: “I'll have a glass as well.”  
Me: “That's the spirit! Let's sit back and relax.”  
Saeyoung: “In your etiquette classes, did you learn the waltz?”  
Me: “I did. Why?”  
Saeyoung: “Care to dance with me?”  
Me: “Seriously?”  
Saeyoung: “Sure, c’mon.”

For me, the highlight of the party was dancing with Saeyoung. I truly felt like a princess at that moment, and he very much looked like a prince to me. The lights that shone over us on the dancefloor made his red hair look like a crown. He guided me so well, I like that he's not that much taller than I am because I got to appreciate his beautiful face close up when we danced. People applauded when we finished dancing. He bowed and I curtsied. It felt like a movie scene. We went back to the table and our friends congratulated us. 

Jumin: “I didn't know you could waltz.”  
Saeyoung: “I'm a man of many talents.”  
Jumin: “Is it something you learned as an agent?”  
Saeyoung: “Maybe. I'm not at liberty to say.”  
Jumin: “And you looked like you've waltzed before.”  
Me: “I learned when I took etiquette classes.”  
Jumin: “Who was your instructor?”  
Me: “I think it was Mrs. Lee Ho Peabody.”  
Jumin: “I think you meant Mrs. Holly Peabody. A fine teacher. Highly sought after and you took classes with her?”  
Me: “Yes. My ex boyfriend was from a wealthy family, he insisted I took classes before meeting them.”  
Jumin: “WAS from a wealthy family?”  
Me: “He died. Drunk driving.”  
Jumin: “I see. Were you engaged?”  
Me: “No. I'd rather not talk about him anymore.”  
Jumin: “Just one more question.”  
Me: “Alright.”  
Jumin: “When did he die?”  
Me: “A little over a year ago. You know who he was don't you?”  
Jumin: “Yes, we went to the same school.”  
Me: “Of course you did. I don't want to hear his name. He was a terrible person to me. Please. Drop it.”  
Jumin: “Very well. I'm sorry if I bothered you. I had heard rumors about him but your demeanor confirms he was not a good person.”  
Me: “You're right. He wasn't a person. He was a monster.”  
Yoosung: “Oh my God, what did he do for you to say that?”  
Saeran: “Don't ask.”  
Yoosung: “That bad?”  
Saeyoung: “He broke her.”  
Yoosung: “Broke her? How?”  
Me: “Sweet and innocent Yoosung, now is not the time to discuss my past. Let's drop it. Just know that my ex was terrible and he can't hurt me anymore.”  
Yoosung: “He's dead, right?”  
Me: “Yes. His body was found and his family identified him. He was cremated per his request.”  
Jumin: “It was in the news, I remember.”  
Me: “Please excuse me.”

The twins followed me. I went outside for some fresh air.

Saeyoung: “Do you want to go home?”  
Me: “Nah. I'm fine. I wanna see this to the end. Just needed some space to breathe.”  
Saeyoung: “I'd your ex went to school with Jumin, no wonder you were so scared to leave him.”  
Saeran: “We know what it's like to fear for your life because someone wealthy wants you dead.”  
Me: “I don't think he wanted me dead but he made it difficult to run away from him. But the fear of persecution, I guess it's one of our bonds.”  
Saeyoung: “At least you can rest knowing he's dead and can't hurt you anymore.”  
Me: “True. Let's go back inside.”

We went back to our table, Jumin wasn't around. 

Zen: “Where'd you run off to?”  
Me: “Outside. I needed some fresh air.”  
Jaehee: “She ran from Mr. Han.”  
Zen: “Yeah, I'd run too. What did he do this time?”  
Yoosung: “He kept asking about her dead ex.”  
Jaehee: “Even after she said she didn't want to talk about him.”  
Zen: “That jerk is inconsiderate. If I'd been here I'd have told him a thing or 2.”  
Me: “I appreciate the sentiment, but it's over now. Turns out Jumin knew the guy. Went to the same school. Can you believe it? I don't know why I'm even surprised.”  
Zen: “From the 1% but 100% rotten.”  
Yoosung: “You know about him?”  
Zen: “Not a lot but enough to think he was scum.”  
Me: “Alright, enough depressing talk. Zen, tell us about that rumor that you got cast in a movie.”

Zen loves to talk about himself and I needed the distraction. Time flew by pretty fast. Next thing I knew the auction was over, donations were collected and accounted for, and I got to meet an editor that's been a fan of my work. All in all, the party was a success. First thing I did when I got home was throw myself on the bed. 

Saeyoung: “You have to take off your makeup.”  
Me: “Ugh. I know.”  
Saeran: “Want me to undress you?”  
Me: “You don't even have to ask. Just do it.”

He helped me out of my dress and Saeyoung dragged me to the bathroom to clean my face. 

Me: “Thanks for doing my makeup.”  
Saeyoung: “Thank you for letting me.”  
Me: “You looked like a real life prince when we waltzed. I think you're the one always full of surprises. You'll make a fine husband indeed.”  
Saeyoung: “I AM a man if many talents.”  
Me: “Yes, I know. I love you.”  
Saeyoung: “I love you too babe. Now close your eyes so I can finish removing all this makeup.”  
Me: “Yes sir.”

He finished cleaning my face and I rinsed with soap and water. We all brushed our teeth and got in bed. 

Saeran: “What a long fucking day.”  
Me: “Good thing those parties are once a year.”  
Saeyoung: “There might be another one for Christmas.”  
Me: “Ugh. That's a few months away. Glad this one is over and done with.”  
Saeyoung: “I'm a little sad Longcat didn't come to this year's party.”  
Me: “I'm sure that's a fact Zen enjoys.”  
Saeran: “What is it with him and cats?”  
Me: “Zen or your brother?”  
Saeran: “Zen.”  
Me: “He's extremely allergic to cat fur.”  
Saeyoung: “He's just jealous of their beauty.”  
Me: “Whatever. That sounds like something Jumin would say. Cut the crap. You know Zen’s medical history better than his doctor.”  
Saeran: “You shouldn't be proud of that.”  
Me: “He is. He’s a total Zen fan.”  
Saeyoung: “Am not. Jaehee’s the bigger fan.”  
Me: “You’re still a fan though.”  
Saeran: “Busted.”  
Saeyoung: “There’s nothing wrong in admiring another man’s talents.”  
Me: “Speaking of admiring, you both looked very handsome at the party. Swoon-worthy.”  
Saeyoung: “You looked swoon-worthy yourself. All eyes were on you.”  
Saeran: “You were like a real princess.”  
Me: “I did feel like one. It was fun.”  
Saeyoung: “So what did you tell Zen that made him run away from you?”  
Me: “He wanted to know if you guys hurt me, you know, like my ex did. He knows you’re sadists and wanted to make sure I was safe. Of course I told him you’re nothing like he was and that I’m being well taken care of. Then I mentioned I’m more than capable of unleashing punishment if I have to. I didn’t give any details but he was the one that asked “Like a dominatrix?” and I said “So you DO know about this stuff?” and he evaded the topic. He said it was inappropriate.”  
Saeran: “Of course it was inappropriate. He probably pictured you as a dominatrix and was trying not to get hard.”  
Saeyoung: “You think so? I don’t think he’s into that kinda thing.”  
Me: “Gotta agree with him on that one. Zen’s pretty vanilla and finds that stuff disturbing. He calls himself a gentleman. I wish I had a friend I could openly talk to about my sex life.”  
Saeran: “That’s what your journal is for, no?”  
Me: “I guess. Not the same thing though.”  
Saeyoung: “I think you’ve scared enough people with your sex life. There are things we can never unsee.”  
Me: “Ah, you’re right. I’m sorry. Well, perhaps I deserve some praise from the both of you considering what I’m able to do in bed. You have no idea how hard it is to fuck you both at the same time. A “Thank you for not breaking.” would be nice. Or “Good job at not tearing while we pounded you.”

They chuckled and put their arms around me.

Saeyoung: “Of course we appreciate you.”  
Saeran: “We always ease our way in so we don’t hurt you.”  
Me: “Ok, that’s true.”  
Saeran: “And we DO take care of you afterwards.”  
Me: “Yeah, you do.”  
Saeyoung: “Do you need a reminder?”  
Me: “Now?”  
Saeyoung: “Yeah. Let us show you just how much we appreciate you giving us your body.”  
Saeran: “What do you say, princess?”  
Me: “Alright. But I know that’s just an excuse to have sex.”

We were all in our underwear so we took it off. Since I was lying in the middle of the bed, wedged between them, I grabbed their dicks and started to jerk them off to get started. Saeyoung worked his fingers down my pussy and Saeran snatched my mouth with his own to kiss it. Saeyoung leaned on me and started to suckle and nip my breasts, when their dicks were hard they sat on the bed and spread my legs wide. Saeyoung removed his fingers and pushed his hard cock as a replacement, lifting my left leg so he could squeeze himself against my left thigh and ass-cheek. Saeran took the right side, testing how wide my legs could go and positioned himself between them accordingly, he lifted my right leg and lowered himself, pushing in the tip of his dick with each of Saeyoung’s thrusts. I reached out to him, beckoning him to lie down on top of me, he hovered over me and I pulled him down, I lowered my right leg so his hips could connect with my pelvis at an angle. I smiled at him when his face was close to mine. I swept away the hair that covered his eyes to gaze into them, I quickly shut them once he pushed himself all the way in, rocking in tandem with his brother’s rhythm. I licked my lips and held his face to brush his lips with mine and kiss him.

Me: “Choke me.”  
Saeran: “As you wish, princess.”

My squeezed my neck slowly at first to get a good grip and progressively tightened.

Saeyoung: “Such a naughty girl.”  
Me: “B-b-bite m-m-me.”

Saeyoung bit my thigh really hard, the scream was muffled by Saeran’s chokehold, he loosened his grip a bit to bite into my shoulder. Each of them bit and licked whatever flesh they could reach. I lifted my back involuntarily and Saeyoung changed to a similar position to Saeran’s, both of them hovering over me. I pried open Saeran’s hand from my neck and lightly touched their faces, placing a palm over their cheek. Their ability to go from cute to sexy is really daunting.

Me: “I love you guys.”

It came out low and breathlessly, they smiled and answered wordlessly, devouring me with their mouths, kissing, sucking, biting, and licking. Bless those tongues and the things they can do. When I felt my climax getting closer, Saeyoung moved slower but Saeran thrust faster. It’s a difficult feeling to describe what that action does to me, it’s become the norm, they sense my walls contract and do the opposite. That’s how I figured out who was fucking me when I was blindfolded the first time and they wanted me to guess the twin. Saeran tends to pick up the pace when he feels me nearing my orgasm and Saeyoung goes for slower and longer strokes. I like it both ways, but the 2 of them at the same time? Deceased. It’s unbelievable. I’m sure their dicks rubbing together does something for them. When I think about that, it sounds a little weird since they’re brothers. We’ve never talked about it but I’ve seen how they’ve become closer. The more we fool around together the lesser the inhibitions. It all comes down to trust. Months ago the 2 of them wouldn't get so close to each other while naked, they’d hesitate around me, avoiding friction against them. Now, none of that matters and we’re all better off, the less conscious you are, the more pleasure can be enjoyed.

They left me gasping for air, dropping on top of me when they released. The familiar warmth and twitching of their cocks pulsating as my body tingled from my own orgasm. I lightly scratched their scalps, Saeyoung was the first to lift his chin and look at me.

Saeyoung: “We should shower soon.”  
Me: “You’re not done with me yet.”  
Saeran: “You want more?”  
Me: “Uh huh.”

I lifted my pelvis a bit in response.

Saeyoung: “You’re serious.”  
Me: “Of course I’m serious. Round 2 starts now.”  
Saeyoung: “We unleashed the beast, quick Saeran, we gotta exorcise her.”  
Me: “With your dicks, right?”  
Saeyoung: “Woman, what is wrong with you?”  
Saeran: “Don’t fret, brother. If she wants more we just gotta make her beg us to stop.”  
Me: “See? He gets me.”  
Saeyoung: “Haven’t you sinned enough tonight?”  
Saeran: “You pray enough for all of us.”  
Me: “Once I start it’s hard to stop. I can’t help myself. C’mon praying man, on your knees.”  
Saeyoung: “You make it so hard for me to feel any guilt when you sound so sexy giving me orders.”  
Me: “That’s because you love it when I make your cock twitch.”  
Saeyoung: “Ding, ding, ding, ding! Guilty. When all the blood rushes down, there’s not enough left in my brain to let me think straight.”  
Saeran: “That’s the problem, you over-think everything.”  
Me: “Less talking, more doing. But first, I need to get up, you’re crushing me and I’m parched.”

They apologized and let me get up to go drink water and they followed to do the same. When Saeran let go of his glass I pressed against him and grabbed his ass-cheeks.

Me: “Are you sure you can make me beg for you to stop?”  
Saeran: “The odds are against you.”  
Me: “I’m game.”  
Saeyoung: “Are you sure about this?”  
Me: “I am. Don’t hold back.”  
Saeran: “You really DO love danger.”  
Me: “I’m not sure about THAT, but I DO love YOU.”

I squeezed his ass tighter and he smirked. Saeyoung stood behind me and started to grind his dick with my butt. I shuddered and whined when he licked the wounds that were made earlier by his brother. Saeran crashed his lips against mine, placing his dick between my thighs for friction, Saeyoung wrapped his arms around my waist, crawling a hand down my abdomen until reaching my mound, fingers inching towards my slit to tease me. I moaned into Saeran’s mouth, our tongues dancing as Saeyoung bit and nipped my neck. Saeran’s dick grew hard between my thighs, my juices lubricating him, he edged closer to my wet entrance, Saeyoung’s hand blocked the way. I let go of Saeran’s ass to pry away his brother’s hand, Saeran’s dick slipping inside me. Saeyoung held my hips down as Saeran thrust himself up, my moans swallowed by him with his unrelenting mouth. Saeyoung inched himself closer to my back, I hugged Saeran tight and angled my hips towards Saeyoung. I broke the kiss to breathe, panting on Saeran’s shoulder, Saeyoung spread my cheeks open and slipped himself in, my juices making it easier for him to glide inside me, Saeran hitting my front wall, and Saeyoung the back, in bed it was side by side. I wailed, it took me a minute to adjust, Saeran bit down on my shoulder, breaking the flesh from a previous bite. I screamed, Saeyoung bit my other shoulder and I cried. They lifted me and I wrapped my legs around Saeran’s waist instinctively. They continued to suck and bite as they pounded me. My moans and their groans filling the room. Saeyoung squeezed is hand down my mound to fondle my clit, that pushed me over the edge, my cries grew louder, Saeran latched on to my mouth to swallow my moans. Saeyoung rubbed my wet clit and I was reaching climax, they did the thing where they thrust at different speeds, and I became a whimpering mess after I orgasmed. Saeran broke the kiss and bit my neck as he released, Saeyoung gripped my neck tightly for his final pumps. I unwrapped my legs from Saeran and got on the tips of my toes to lick Saeran’s cheek. “You taste delicious.” I whispered in his ear. I turned around to face Saeyoung and licked his chest.

Me: “Mmmmmm, yummy. I love the taste of sin.”  
Saeyoung: “You’re feistier than usual. I’ve never seen you like this.”  
Me: “So hungry?”

I held his cock in my hand.

Saeran: “Must be the full moon. Didn’t you say she’s a she-wolf?”  
Saeyoung: “I, I did.”  
Me: “Am I scaring you?”  
Saeyoung: “I, I, I, I’m not scared. Just, concerned.”  
Me: “Concerned? About what?”  
Saeyoung: “Not what, who. You.”  
Me: “Me? I’m fine. I’m better than fine.”  
Saeyoung: “We should stop.”  
Me: “I don’t think so. You have to make me beg for me to stop.”  
Saeran: “She really is a succubus, isn’t she?”  
Saeyoung: “Even I’m surprised.”  
Me: “Don’t be scared. I just want to make you feel good.”  
Saeyoung: “What do you have in mind?”  
Me: “I think you know.”  
Saeyoung: “Forgive us Jesus, for what we’re about to do.”

I went to get the strap-on and lube. I pushed Saeyoung onto the bed and knelt on the mattress, coated my fingers with lube thoroughly and put on the strap-on.

Me: “Ass up! Now!”  
Saeyoung: “Ay, ok, ok.”  
Me: “Should I bring the crop.”  
Saeyoung: “Uh, no, not today.”  
Me: “Are you sure you wanna marry me?”  
Saeyoung: “Pretty sure I still do.”  
Me: “Good.”

I grabbed his ass and spread open his cheeks to slowly introduce a finger, with my other hand I stroked his cock to help him relax. Saeran got behind me to massage my back and breasts, once I had 3 fingers inside, I coated the strap-on with lube, removed the fingers and replaced them with the tip of the dildo. Saeran held my hips and pushed himself up my dripping entrance as I worked my way into Saeyoung, using Saeran’s momentum to rock my hips back and forth, fucking him while getting fucked.

Saeran: “Tired yet, princess?”  
Me: “Not enough to stop.”

I dug my nails into Saeyoung’s ass and fucked him until his knees buckled, his cum covered my hand, I fell on his back and Saeran on mine. I pulled my hand from under him and Saeran pulled me off of Saeyoung, making me lie down with my ass up so he could keep fucking. Saeyoung came back to his senses and flipped over.

Saeyoung: “Get on top of me.”  
Me: “You sure?”  
Saeyoung: “Just do it.”

Saeran helped me prop myself over his brother, he pulled out so I could position myself better. I didn’t expect Saeyoung to be erect so quickly, I sat on his dick, enveloping him and Saeran pushed me down, Saeyoung hugged my torso to embrace me tightly. I bit down hard on his shoulder when Saeran shoved himself up my ass. He grabbed my hair in his fist as he rode me, I tilted my head so I could kiss Saeyoung. Finding relief in his warm embrace, our lips locked in a deep kiss. My ass hurt, Saeran was being rough and he knew it. When he let go of my hair, he went for the throat, pulling me away from his brother, lifting me by the neck.

Saeran: “Is this what you wanted?”  
I nodded.  
Saeran: “Good, ‘cause you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

He gripped my neck forcefully and fucked me harder, pressing his body against mine, he let go of my throat when he cummed.

Saeran: “Be a good girl and sit.”

I got off Saeyoung and sat on the edge of the bed. Saeran knelt between my legs and licked my slit, smacking his lips and proceeding to lick me clean. My body shivered and went limp. I fell on the bed, Saeyoung got on top of me and put his dick in my mouth, it was hard, I swallowed as much as I could without choking. He thrust slowly at first, gaging my reaction, lacing his fingers in my hair to hold my head and push deeper down my throat. I tried to keep my mouth as wide open as I could but I still grazed him with my teeth. What Saeran was doing made me squirm and moan uncontrollably, I was too sensitive, I wanted to tell him to stop but I couldn't. Saeyoung was practically gagging me and my hands couldn't reach Saeran. I slapped the bed to see if I could gain their attention and held up 7 fingers. 

Saeran: “I think he wants us to stop.”  
Saeyoung: “Is that 7 fingers?”

I moved my hands closer to him so he'd see I was holding up 7 fingers and he got off me. I gasped for air and coughed, I wanted to get up but couldn't lift myself so I rolled over and slid to the floor. 

Saeyoung: “Babe, are you alright?”

I responded by I lying down on my side in fetal position. 

Saeyoung: “I think we broke her.”

I shook my head. 

Saeran: “What do we do?”  
Me: “Gimme a minute, to catch my breath.”

My voice was hoarse and breathless. 

Saeyoung: “Let's get her in the shower.”

They picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. We got in the shower, the warm water that hit my shoulders made me hiss in pain. I scrambled away from the water and bumped with Saeran that was standing behind me, he held me close to him so the shower wouldn't hit me directly. I felt his half erect cock on my thigh and I grabbed it with a smirk on my face. 

Saeyoung: “What are you doing?”  
Me: “Your brother. I can finish you off too if you want. You're still a little hard.”

I grabbed his dick with my other hand and started to pump the both of them. 

Saeyoung: “You voracious she-wolf. Haven't you had enough?”  
Saeran: “Guess not.”  
Saeyoung: “You're impossible.”  
Me: “But you love me.”  
Saeyoung: “I do but ngh.”

Saeran lubed himself with my own juices to fuck me from behind while Saeyoung took me from the front. I put my arms around Saeyoung’s neck to steady myself and Saeran held my hips. I melted between them. Saeyoung searched for my lips with his mouth and kissed me hungrily. Saeran bit my back and his hand found his way to rub my clit, his thrusts were slow and measured, both of them pounding in long strokes. I broke the kiss to gasp for air, whines coming out of my mouth, I grabbed a fistful of Saeyoung’s hair and pulled it, he gripped my throat and applied pressure, I scratched his scalp and let go of his hair, my arms losing strength, a tingling sensation washed over my body. I told Saeran to stop rubbing my clit but he refused, I felt my climax getting closer, Saeyoung tightened his grip and I dug my nails on his back, when I orgasmed, hot liquid coursed down my thighs. Saeyoung let go of my throat and my head rolled back, falling on Saeran’s shoulder. He stopped rubbing me when he felt me spasm and thrust harder to achieve his release around the same time as his brother. 

Saeyoung: “I think she ejaculated.”  
Saeran: “Really?”  
Me: “Looks like it. I've never done that before.”  
Saeyoung: “Seriously? It's the first time?”  
Me: “Well yeah, it's never happened before. Pretty sure this is a first for me.”  
Saeran: “It took too long to get you to that point.”  
Me: “Whatever. I'm officially sexed out.”  
Saeyoung: “Finally. I was beginning to think you were a real succubus.”  
Me: “Naw babe. Let's clean up. For real this time.”

We finished showering and they carried to Saeran’s room. Our room was a mess and we were all too tired to change the sheets so I curled up on the bed with them.

Saeyoung: “How do you feel, babe?”  
Me: “Uugh. Exhausted. Dead.”  
Saeran: “We all are.”  
Me: “Probably won't be able to walk tomorrow just like you said.”  
Saeran: “Good. It's not like you have to be anywhere.”  
Me: “True. Probably won't be able to sit either.”  
Saeyoung: “Same.”  
Me: “ I should fuck YOU how you fuck ME one of these days.”  
Saeran: “Me?”  
Me: “Yes. You. Give you a taste of anal.”  
Saeran: “Mmmm. You're welcome.”  
Me: “Really?”  
Saeran: “Sure. Why not? You look really hot when you're dominant.”  
Saeyoung: “I know right? She's really something.”  
Saeran: “Wear the catsuit if you're going to fuck me.”  
Me: “I can do that.”  
Saeran: “And the heels.”  
Me: “What else?”  
Saeran: “The crop.”  
Me: “Latex and leather. Got it. Such a naughty boy.”  
Saeran: “I'm so tired I can't even get an erection at the thought of those things.”  
Saeyoung: “Can we stop talking about sex?”  
Me: “Why? You getting hard?”  
Saeyoung: “No. I want to sleep.”  
Me: “Fine.”

I cuddled up next to Saeyoung with Saeran’s arm over us and we fell asleep eventually. I was sore all over when I woke up. It was just Saeyoung and me in the room. 

Saeyoung: “Good morning. Or should I say Good afternoon?”  
Me: “Mmmmm. What time is it?”  
Saeyoung: “It's almost 16:00.”  
Me: “Fuck.”  
Saeyoung: “I think you've had enough of that.”  
Me: “You know what I mean.”  
Saeyoung: “You needed your beauty sleep.”  
Me: “I guess.”  
Saeyoung: “You slept like a baby sheep. ‘Cause you're a baa-aaa-aad girl.”  
Saeran: “She awake?”  
Me: “She's awake.”  
Saeran: “Do you want coffee?”  
Me: “No need to ask. Answer is always yes.”  
Saeran: “I'll go make some. How do you feel?”  
Saeyoung: “Can you walk?”  
Me: “I can try.”

I slid to the edge of the bed and put my feet down. I didn't have the energy to push myself to stand.”  
Saeyoung: “Want help?”  
Me: “Yes please.”

Saeyoung: “I, Defender of Justice will help the maiden reach her destination unharmed.”

He helped me get to the bathroom, Saeran was waiting for me with a mug when I stepped out. 

Me: “You're the best boyfriend.”  
Saeran: “Be a good girl and sit.”

He placed my coffee on the nightstand and I sat on the bed. He took off my robe to inspect me, rubbing arnica gel on every bruise and aloe on the bite marks.”

Saeyoung: “I think we got too carried away this time.”  
Me: “It's fine. This'll heal soon enough. I said not to hold back.”  
Saeran: “You had never used the safe sign before.”  
Me: “Only reason I did was because I was overly sensitive when you were licking my clit and wanted you to stop.”  
Saeran: “So you used the safe sign because you felt too good? And not because he was gagging you with his dick?”  
Me: “Precisely.”  
Saeyoung: “You're unbelievable.”  
Me: “I couldn't say anything while my mouth was full of cock so I had to use my hands.”  
Saeran: “Alright. You can stop feeling guilty now, brother.”  
Saeyoung: “Her voice is still hoarse.”  
Saeran: “She just woke up.”  
Me: “She is sitting right here, listening.”  
Saeyoung: “Sorry.”  
Me: “For what? I'm OK.”  
Saeyoung: “No you're not. You can barely walk.”  
Me: “I was promised that.”  
Saeran: “See? She's fine. It's what she wanted.”  
Saeyoung: “Is it?”  
Me: “You were THERE.”  
Saeyoung: “Right.”  
Me: “What's wrong with you?”  
Saeyoung: “Everything.”  
Saeran: “Ignore him. It's his Catholic guilt.”

I put my robe back on and reached for my coffee, Saeran handed it to me. I breathed in the aroma, relaxation washing over me. I noticed the clean sheets on the bed and kissed Saeran’s cheek. 

Saeran: “What was that for?”  
Me: “I don't need a reason to kiss my boyfriend.”  
Saeran: “I suppose not.”  
Me: “Let's order pizza.”  
Saeyoung: “Sure, I think I have a coupon.”  
Me: “And a side of fried chicken.”  
Saeyoung: “Someone's hungry for junk food.”  
Me: “Do we have beer?”  
Saeran: “Not in the refrigerator.”  
Me: “Can you do the salt, water, ice, and alcohol mix and stick a six pack in the freezer?”  
Saeran: “Uh, sure.”  
Saeyoung: “I'll order.”

I drank my coffee in peace as the twins left to do their assigned task. I've been reflecting a lot lately, especially since the anniversary of my baby's death. There's been a lot to think about. I seem to always fall for difficult people, thinking I can help them, this time around, the helping is mutual. Relationships aren't easy because people are complicated, but I think that if the person you love is also your friend, it's easier to make things work. I feel that way with the twins, they're not just my lovers, they're my best friends. I logged into the messenger to check on the rest of my friends. 

Zen: Finally, you're online. Are you OK?  
Yoosung: Hey! We haven't heard from you since the party.  
Me: Ah, sorry about that. I woke up about 30 minutes ago.  
Yoosung: *surprised emoji*  
Zen: You must've been really tired.  
Me: “Yeah. I don't sleep much on weekdays and yesterday was pretty exhausting so I overslept. The boys didn't wake me since it's my day off.  
Jaehee: I wish I could oversleep. Sadly I had to turn in the report Mr  
Han requested early in the morning.  
Yoosung: Poor Jaehee. You need a day off.  
Jaehee: It's a shame Mr. Han’s idea of vacation is more work.  
Zen: He should value your hard work and give you a day off.  
Jaehee: The concept he has for compensation is more money. My bank account appreciates it but my nonexistent personal life doesn't.  
Me: Hang in there Jaehee. Maybe there something I can do about that.  
Jaehee: I doubt it. It's not your fault my boss is a workaholic.  
Yoosung: Haven't seen Saeran online all day. How is he?  
Me: He's fine. I think he's been cleaning and doing laundry.  
Zen: It's like he's the opposite of his brother. I doubt Saeyoung ever cleans.  
Me: He cleans me out.  
Cleans where it counts.  
He helps clean sometimes.  
I'm gonna go check on him.  
Jaehee: I'm glad you're all OK. I should get going.  
Me: See ya!  
Jaehee left the chatroom.  
Yoosung: *confused emoji*  
Zen: *depressed emoji*  
Just don't ask  
God you're really something.  
Saeyoung entered the chatroom.  
Saeyoung: Did cutie Yoosung miss my adorable brother?  
*surprised emoji*  
Babe!  
*surprised emoji*  
Me: Sorry. I typed without thinking and then tried to fix it.  
Saeyoung: You did a terrible job.  
Yoosung: I still don't get it.  
Zen: We'll explain it to you when you have a girlfriend.  
Yoosung: *crying emoji*  
Explain it to me nnooow.  
Me: Nah. It's inappropriate.  
Yoosung: But you're the one that said it.  
Saeyoung: And she's an inappropriate lady.  
Me: Whatever.  
Saeyoung: Stop harassing our friends please.  
Me: We're all adults here. There's nothing wrong with a little sexual comment here and there.  
Saeyoung: Your sexual comments are hardly little.  
Me: Technically we're all mature here. Mature content shouldn't be a problem.  
Yoosung: Technically? You mean because of me, right?  
*crying emoji*  
Zen: Or Jumin. He's like a robot.  
Me: Maybe both.  
Zen: I honestly didn't think there'd be anyone that could surpass Saeyoung’s antics.  
Me: Is that a compliment?  
Yoosung: Unlikely. He means your cringey.  
Saeyoung: Babe, pizza's here.  
Me: Gotta go guys!  
Zen: Take care!  
Yoosung: I think I'll order a pizza too.  
Zen: That's bad for your skin.  
Yoosung: You didn't say that to them.  
Zen: They eat more home cooked meals than you do.  
Saeyoung left the chatroom  
Me: I'm having beer too.  
Zen: Enjoy! I think I'll have one too.  
Me: Cheers!  
I left the chatroom 

Beer and food was waiting for me at the table. 

Me: “I'm starving.”  
Saeyoung: “I'd be shocked if you weren't.”  
Saeran “Since you burned a lot of calories last night.”  
Me: “Awww. Look at you guys finishing each other's sentences.”  
Saeran: “I did no such thing.”  
Saeyoung: “I guess we kinda did.”  
Me: “You totally did.”  
Saeran: “Whatever. Just eat.”

I wiped my beer with a napkin and opened it, took a sip and grabbed a slice of pizza to eat. 

Saeyoung: “Yoosung missed you.”  
Saeran: “He's so annoying. Wants me to join his stupid guild.”  
Saeyoung: “So that's why he's been asking for you.”  
Saeran: “Not sure what part of NO he didn't understand the first 50 times.”  
Me: “The boy IS stubborn.”  
Saeran: “Well, so am I.”  
Me: “True.”  
Saeyoung: “Why not join the guild? You'd be a god among men.”  
Saeran: “Because they're lame and that sounds boring.”  
Saeyoung: “We should make our own guild.”  
Saeran: “That idea is equally stupid if it's just the 2 of us.”  
Saeyoung: “With our power levels we don't need more members. We'd be at the top of the guild rankings.”  
Me: “Maybe I could play and join your guild.”

They stared and started to laugh. 

Saeyoung: “Do you even want to?”  
Me: “Sure, why not?”  
Saeran: “We could mod her avatar.”  
Saeyoung: “Have you ever played an MMORPG before?”  
Me: “No. But I know what it is. I've seen my brother play one.”  
Saeyoung: “What did he play?”  
Me: “World of Warcraft.”  
Saeyoung: “It's a start.”  
Saeran: “I still think a guild is kinda lame though. We're already the top player in the server.”  
Saeyoung: “But we could be the top guild.”  
Saeran: “I don't care. I'm not that invested in LOLOL.”  
Me: “Don't lie. I've seen you play. You should teach me.”  
Saeran: “I'll think about it.”  
Me: “Can I have another beer?”  
Saeyoung: “Sure, Mrs. He cleans me out where it counts.”  
Saeran: “What?”  
Me: “Read the messenger log later.”  
Saeran: “Using double entendres again?”  
Me: “Guilty.”  
Saeyoung: “I should ban you from the chat. Or add a mature content filter.”

I glared at Saeyoung, looking annoyed and hmphed. Saeran chuckled. 

Saeran: “Nah. She makes the chats more entertaining.”  
Me: “You just enjoy Yoosung’s reactions.”  
Saeyoung: “Don't we all?”  
Me: “We're terrible people.”  
Saeyoung: “We're better together.”  
Saeran: “‘Cause sinning is winning.”  
Me: “Alright, that's enough.”

I opened another beer and took a few swigs. 

Saeyoung: “Want more chicken?”  
Me: “Only if you feed it to me.”  
Saeyoung: “Like a mother bird?”  
Me: “I'd like to chew on my own, thank you.”  
Saeyoung: “Suit yourself.”

He put a piece of chicken in his mouth and leaned towards me, I took it with my teeth and chewed. When I finished swallowing I took a piece of chicken with chopsticks, dipped it in sauce and held it with my teeth, I turned to Saeran and he took the piece of chicken, biting my lip in the process. 

Me: “Ayyy. Why?”  
Saeran: “It's not my fault you're appetizing. I'm not sorry.”  
Saeyoung: “Remember the first time she fed you?”  
Saeran: “Hard to forget. It ended in sex.”  
Me: “Our first threesome.”  
Saeyoung: “We had sushi. First time I fed her was with sushi too.”  
Saeran: “I'd never had sake before that.”  
Saeyoung: “Me neither. I don't drink or smoke.”  
Me: “You were both buzzed. Drank the sake too fast.”  
Saeran: “Do you regret it?”  
Me: “Regret what?”  
Saeran: “Having sex with me.”  
Me: “There's nothing to regret. We're in this together.”  
Saeyoung: “If you had to pick between us, who would it be?”  
Me: “That's an unfair question.”  
Saeran: “It's a valid question.’  
Me: “I couldn't choose. You've called each other “my other half”. To me, you're like 2 sides of the same coin. I love each of you for different reasons and one is not better than the other. The time we've spent together, doesn't it prove how we all compliment each other?”  
Saeyoung: “I shouldn't have asked that. I'm sorry. You're right, we DO make a good trio.”  
Saeran: “I fail to see why you would love either of us.”  
Me: “Same reason you love ME. It just turned out that way.”  
Saeyoung: “You're nice and adorable and just too good.”  
Saeran: “You're innocent in some things and dirty in others.”  
Me: “Same as you. Now, if I had to pick one of you based on your talents, you're equally talented and smart. You both have impressive skills. At least I know who to waltz with.”  
Saeyoung: “1 point for me.”  
Saeran: “This isn't a competition and waltzing is hardly a useful skill.”  
Me: “Of course it's not a competition. Never treat it that way. But if we're talking about useful skills maybe I'd choose Saeran because he's a good cook and housekeeper. Makes my life easier when I come home.”  
Saeyoung: “That hurts. I'm useful around the house.”  
Saeran: “Serves you right.”  
Me: “You're the one that asked.”  
Saeran: “You can waltz your way out.”  
Me: “Enough. Nobody is waltzing anywhere. I'm yours and you're mine. End of story. Now, let's take out the trash.”  
Saeran: “You'll need a contractor bag to fit him.”  
Saeyoung: “Real funny.”

I burst into laughter. Saeran chuckled and Saeyoung glared at the 2 of us. 

Saeyoung: “I'll clean up.”  
Saeran: “Trying to score points?”  
Me: “There are no points. You do chores because you want to help keep the house clean.”  
Saeyoung: “According to you, I clean where it counts.”  
Me: “Yes dear, that tongue of yours is a marvelous thing but not relevant to this conversation.”  
Saeyoung: “Or with Zen’s.”  
Me: “Maybe. I thought it was witty at the time.”  
Saeran: “A little.”  
Me: “See? He agrees with me.”  
Saeyoung: “I think he takes your side just to annoy me. Did you even read the log?”  
Saeran: “Yes. She said technically we're all mature here. My phone is right here. I can speed read.”  
Saeyoung: “OK. So you read it.”  
Saeran: “Yes. It's funny seeing Yoosung be clueless. How can he be so naïve? Doesn't he at least watch porn or something?”  
Me: “Porn doesn't teach you double meaning of words especially if there's no dialogue or watch it on mute. He should do what Jumin does and use urban dictionary.”  
Saeran: “Jumin uses urban dictionary?”  
Me: “Of course. His inquisitive nature and belief that knowledge is power drives him to search and question what he doesn't understand. If an employee uses a pop culture reference that Jumin doesn't know, he'll ask or look it up himself.”  
Saeyoung: “He loves my cat memes.”  
Saeran: “I somehow doubt that.”  
Me: “I think he does. He saves them.”  
Saeran: “I'll never understand their obsession for cats.”  
Me: “They're cute.”

I finished chugging my beer and eating, Saeyoung cleared the table and I tried to get up but faltered, Saeran had to catch me. 

Me: “Remember when you first caught me like this?”  
Saeran: “The cabin. I remember.”  
Me: “It's been almost a year, seems like you're always there to catch me.”  
Saeran: “You're clumsier when you're drunk. Were you friends with the floor before you met me?”  
Me: “I stumble more than actually fall. First time you held me like this was for a completely different reason though.”  
Saeran: “At the apartment?”  
Me: “Yeah.”  
Saeran: “Does my voice still scare you?”  
Me: “No. Because I know what your moans sound like.”  
Saeran: “Is that so, princess?”  
Me: “Mmmm. It's music to my ears. You're my paradise.”  
Saeran: “I like the sound of that.”  
Saeyoung: “Maybe Zen was right and we brought Saeran from one cult to another.”  
Me: “What are you talking about?”  
Saeyoung: “Our sex cult.”  
Me: “What sex cult? What are you even saying? Don't be absurd. In any case, all we've done is succumb to the pleasures of the flesh, that's called hedonism, totally different from a cult. We don't worship anything. What's wrong with you?”  
Saeran: “Ignore him, it's the Catholic guilt eating away at him.”  
Saeyoung: “We worship YOU.”  
Me: “No you don't. You LOVE me. That's not worship, stop trying to make this weird.”  
Saeran: “Admit you like feeling good, even if you think it's sinful.”  
Saeyoung: “Have you no morals?”  
Saeran: “The little I learned was from a deranged woman.”  
Me: “Your mother or Rika?”  
Saeran: “I suppose either fit the description and neither were a good role model.”  
Me: “Well, I'm no moral compass.”  
Saeyoung: “Unless it points to debauchery.”  
Me: “Awww babe. I have some basic sense of right and wrong. Not sure if I qualify as role model material but I'm not chaotic evil. Neutral evil at best.”  
Saeyoung: “More like sense of bad and awful. I don't think you're evil though, perhaps chaotic good is more accurate.”  
Me: “I like to think I have a decent sense of judgment.”  
Saeran: “You do realize who you live with.”  
Saeyoung: “Says the woman that can barely walk for having sex all night.”  
Me: “Carry me to the sofa and get me a beer will you?”  
Saeyoung: “Case in point.”  
Saeran: “I think we're out of beer.”  
Saeyoung: “Why does no one listen to me?”  
Me: “No one likes to be scolded.”  
Saeran: “Especially if we're not doing anything wrong.”  
Saeyoung: “‘Cause you're both experts in right and wrong.”  
Me: “Get off your high horse Agent 707 Extreme.”  
Saeran: “Busted.”  
Me: “I'm pretty sure you did a lot of morally bankrupt things for the agency you worked for.”  
Saeyoung: “I didn't have a choice, it was that or get killed.”  
Saeran: “I'm not the only one with blood on my hands in this house.”  
Me: “Babe, you've killed people?”  
Saeyoung: “I avoided hurting people as much as I could when I did field work but sometimes it was inevitable, especially if I didn't have backup. Sometimes my actions indirectly lead to a person's death. It was part of my job.”  
Me: “And how do YOU know?”  
Saeran: “I read his file.”  
Me: “Why didn't I know this?”  
Saeyoung: “It's not like my work as an agent easily comes up in conversation.”  
Me: “Yes it does. You joke about it enough.”  
Saeyoung: “Mostly to deflect the horrible stuff. I don't really talk about past missions.”  
Me: “But you've discussed them with your brother?”  
Saeran: “To a certain point. Only because I asked.”  
Me: “So it never occurred to you to mention you've killed before, not even when your brother confessed to homicide?”  
Saeyoung: “Ah. I know it sounds bad. I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. Would it make you feel better if I say I was the good guy and they were the bad guys?”  
Me: “Goddammit Saeyoung, of course not. I'd feel better if there's no secrets between us. I don't care if you killed a bird once by accident but I sure as hell care if you killed a person. I won't love you any less but fuck, I should know these things if you want me to marry you.”  
Saeran: “That information wasn't secret after it went public.”  
Me: “Don't give me that shit. Do NOT justify your brother. Where was I going to read his file? The Mint Eye dungeon? The hospital? I'm pretty sure that info was taken down once we were safe.”  
Saeyoung: “I'm sorry babe.”  
Me: “You probably took it down yourself.”  
Saeyoung: “I uh, helped.”  
Me: “Of course you did.”  
Saeyoung: “My job is to protect my family.”  
Me: “I know.”  
Saeran: “You've done a shitty job.”  
Saeyoung: “Yes. I'm painfully aware of my mistakes. I try my best to fix them.”  
Me: “Then how do you suggest we fix this?”  
Saeyoung: “Fix what?”  
Me: “We can't keep holding secrets from one another.”  
Saeyoung: “It wasn't intentional. You say random stuff about yourself all the time, like etiquette classes and knowing Japanese.”  
Me: “Doesn't matter. Killing someone is a huge fact you left out. Saeran had the decency of telling me about his mother. It was a start and then he briefly mentioned other casualties. I didn't ask for details since I know Mint Eye is a sore topic.”  
Saeran: “Have YOU killed anybody?”  
Me: “Definitely not! I can say I tried, but no, I've never killed anyone.”  
Saeran: “How does it feel to live with killers under the same roof?”  
Me: “I don't know. You were both just trying to survive. In a way you were like soldiers fighting a war and in every war there are casualties. All I can do is take care of the survivors. The 2 of you have been through a lot.”  
Saeyoung: “How can you be so kind and understanding?”  
Me: “Because even if it's a little scary to think that the both of you have taken lives, I know you were victims of harsh circumstances that weren't your fault to begin with. You're not psycho serial killers, there was a reason for what you did.”  
Saeran: “You're being awfully rational about this.”  
Me: “Freaking out doesn't do me any good. I can't change what happened. Today is still today. My love for you hasn't waned. I have no choice but to accept your past.”  
Saeyoung: “Then will you accept that your fiancé is an idiot for trying to hide his sketchy past for the sake of protecting you?”  
Me: “I accept. How will you recompense?”  
Saeyoung: “Do you want a drink?”  
Me: “Hell yeah. What do we have?”  
Saeran: “There's wine.”  
Me: “Wine it is! And some water too.”  
Saeyoung: “As you wish.”  
Saeran: “That's MY line.”  
Me: “We saw the same movie together.”

Saeyoung chuckled and went to the kitchen. 

Saeran: “How do you feel?”  
Me: “Eh, tired, sore, complicated.”  
Saeran: “Why complicated?”  
Me: “I need time to digest the new information. Thank you for bringing it up.”  
Saeran: “I wasn't very smooth about it.”  
Me: “Your brotherly bickery is helpful every now and then.”  
Saeyoung: “You're wine, madame.”  
Me: “Merci, mon amour. Bring the bottle and fetch me a pen, please. I'd like to be left alone for a few hours.”  
Saeran: “Why?”  
Me: “I want to collect my thoughts.”  
Saeyoung: “Do you want your journal?”  
Me: “Yes. Bring the blue one.”

Saeran looked at me with an unreadable expression and went to the kitchen to get the wine bottle.  
Saeyoung: “Honey, where do you keep your pens?”  
Me: “In my work bag.”  
Saeyoung: “Right.”

They brought what I asked for, I let go of the glass I was holding to take the pen and journal and called them when they were about to turn around and leave. 

Me: “You can go ahead and read the rest of my journals.”  
Saeran: “You sure about that?”  
Me: “Sure. I have nothing to hide. It might be useful for you to see this past year from my perspective.”  
Saeyoung: “Is there an audiobook version available?”  
Me: “Don't let the amount of journals fool you. It may seem like a lot but I have large handwriting.”  
Saeran: “I can see that.”  
Me: “Some entries are more detailed than others. A lot of them have conversation transcripts. They're all raw thoughts I put on paper.”  
Saeyoung: “It feels like an invasion of privacy.”  
Me: “That sounds uncanny from a hacker. I'm giving you permission. I knew this day would come.”  
Saeran: “You were going to let us read them?”  
Me: “Yes. Why not? It's not like there's anything you don't already know. My main concern was not being able to write without interruption.”  
Saeyoung: Awww babe. You can write whenever you want. We won't bother you.”  
Saeran: “I leave you alone when I see you writing.”  
Me: “Thanks. It means a lot.”

They kissed my cheeks and left. I had a lot to think about and didn't know where to start but once I did, the words didn't stop flowing. I have days like this. I love them so much but it's so hard to keep in all the secrets we have. I get moments where I need to expel my thoughts, get it all out of my head or else feel like I'll lose my mind. I need a break from everything.


	20. Call for art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No more secrets left in the Choi household. MC finds a new way to cope with the information overload and emotional bombing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update was a lot faster than expected. I managed to finish digitizing this chapter today and used my phone‘s spotty data connection to upload it.

Dear diary, 

All the cards are on the table. The twins read all my journals and I filled in the blanks about my life. Saeyoung talked about his time as an agent, from his training to his missions. And Saeran narrated what happened when his brother left up to when he was in the hospital. It was too much to bear. I cried a lot and drank so much, FUCK, I knew their past was terrible but every story was a piece that connected the puzzle of how they got to be the way they are. We had shared stories of our past before, but not like this. I'm glad we did, really, it was a necessary step in our relationship, sadly it's a heavy burden to bear. The reason I started a journal was because I felt anguished by what happened with the RFA and the twins, I was already broken prior to those events, the Mint Eye ordeal traumatized me further. I didn't want to bother Saeyoung with my past while he dealt with his own, his relationship with Saeran was extremely fragile and unstable those first few months. Now that all of us shared our stories, the bond that unites us is stronger. I think the twins understood the crappy hand they were dealt, even though not all of it was bad, they endured everything alone, you could hear the sadness in their voices. I was the only one that cried through most of it, my head hurt by the time Saeran was finished. 

Saeran: “I wish you'd stop crying.”  
Me: “I picture it in my head like a movie and it makes me cry because it's so sad, it's worse than a sad movie because I know it actually happened.”  
Saeyoung: “You're a drunk mess. This was an awful idea.”  
Saeran: “It's too late now.”  
Saeyoung: “It would've been better to do this in chapters.”  
Saeran: “I think we broke her.”  
Saeyoung: “She'll be OK. She needs time, that's all. We crammed our lives in a day. It's hard to process all that.”

He was right. I need time. I could write about their life but I lack the energy and motivation to do so. It wouldn't help me release my frustrations, not this time. This isn't something that happened to me. Writing is my go-to for venting, putting my experiences and feelings on paper allow me to discharge my thoughts but it's not working this time. I can't focus on a coherent timeline to start mapping out anything, my brain is overloaded with information, looking for release. Saeran said some time ago he wanted to see me paint, art is my second haven when words fail to express my feelings and I haven't painted in a long time. A few days later from the confession session, Saeran was driving me home from work and I asked him to take me to the art supply store. 

Saeran: “Why are we going there?”  
Me: “I want to buy some things.”  
Saeran: “Clearly. I know how shops work. WHAT are you going to buy?”  
Me: “I'm not sure yet, but I want some new art supplies.”  
Saeran: “Oh. Are you going to start painting again?”  
Me: “Maybe. I want to walk around the store and see what catches my eye.”  
Saeran: “Why now?”  
Me: “Why not? It's as good a time as any. I just had this feeling. Indulge me.”  
Saeran: “OK.”

When we got to the shop I felt giddy and excited, like a little kid at a toy store. Saeran was my human shopping cart, he held everything for me; I got drawing pencils, erasers, artist pens, soft pastels, sketchpads, a shetchbook, watercolors, acrylics, brushes, blades, sandpaper, and canvas panels. 

Mrs. Kwan: “I haven't seen you here in years Miss Mun. Almost didn't recognize you without all the black.”  
Me: “It feels good to be here again Mrs. Kwan.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Boy, put those things on the counter. I'll ring them up for her. So nice of you to carry everything but no need to run around the store with them.”  
Saeran: “It's not a problem. I don't mind.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Bless you child. You are a gentleman. So what brings you back here missy? I thought you moved out of the country.”  
Me: “The call for art of course. Seems I've ignored it for too long and it called a little louder this time. I thought I wanted to leave after, you know, but found a new reason for staying.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Ah yes, the call. I'm glad to see you again, you look so alive and happy, last I saw you, well, you were fragile.”  
Me: “Speaking of the last time you saw me, do you have any wooden easles? I didn't see any at the back.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “They don't make them like they used to so I stopped buying them, I refuse to sell anything I wouldn't use myself. I kept the one you left in case you ever came back for it.”  
Me: “You never sold it? Wow, thank you so much, that means the world to me.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Boy, what's your name?”  
Saeran: “Choi Saeran.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Alright Mr. Choi, come help me get your girlfriend’s easle.”  
Me: “How do you know he's my boyfriend?”  
Mrs. Kwan: “The look of adoration in his eyes and the way you smile when you look at him. An old woman knows love when she sees it, you can't fool me.”  
Me: “I wasn't trying to.”  
She chuckled and took Saeran to the second floor. They came back with my easle and a canvas I had started. I heard Saeran asking if I had painted it.”

Mrs. Kwan: “Miss Mun is a talented painter, but her last works drew inspiration from her pain so her art turned dark and morbid.”  
Me: “Unsightly aberrations is what you called them.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “They we're disturbing to look at.”  
Me: “I know. I gave away most of them. I was in a dark place.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Yes, I told you that man was bad news. I cheered when I saw the news of his death.”  
Me: “Me too. I felt at peace.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “I hope you paint nicer things this time.”  
Me: “I hope so too.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “You're a strong woman, take care of yourself.”  
Me: “I will.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Send me photos of your new paintings. I have Facebook now.”  
Me: “Sure. Good night Mrs. Kwan. Thank you for everything.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “Don't break her heart Mr. Choi. She's too nice for her own good.”  
Saeran: “I won't. Good night.”  
Mrs. Kwan: “I have a good feeling about this one.”

I chuckled and waved as Saeran took the bags and we walked out of the shop. He put away everything in the car and I texted Saeyoung that we'd be home a little late. 

Saeran: “I guess you used to go there a lot.”  
Me: “I worked part time at her store when I was in college.”  
Saeran: “You said you worked on campus.”  
Me: “I did. She moved to a bigger space after I graduated.”  
Saeran: “It was nice of her to keep the easle and painting.”  
Me: “Yeah, I gave away most of my art supplies when I moved out of my ex’s house. The rest I put away in storage, in that box I brought home.”  
Saeran: “Were you really going to move out of the country?”  
Me: “I thought about it as a way of escaping my ex. I considered moving to Hong Kong with my parents.”  
Saeran: “What changed your mind?”  
Me: “I got pregnant, felt ashamed, lost the baby, felt broken, didn't have the strength to face anyone I knew. Then I found out he died and you know the rest.”  
Saeran: “You were an Art teacher at some point, right?”  
Me: “I briefly taught Art after graduating, until I couldn't cover the bruises.”  
Saeran: “That was the teaching job you talked about.”  
Me: “Yeah, I quit and kept the freelancer work. He provided for me so I didn't need a job, but my mother taught me the importance of having your own money to spend without needing to ask for permission.”  
Saeran: “It's good advice.”  
Me: “I'm grateful to Mrs. Kwan. She got me the teaching job. I felt bad when I had to quit.”  
Saeran: “She seemed like a nice lady. I'm sure she must've known your life was in danger.”  
Me: “Yeah, she offered to take me in but I declined. I didn't want to put her in harm's way.”  
Saeran: “You really are too nice for your own good.”  
Me: “I guess.”  
Saeran: “I want you to teach me.”  
Me: “Teach you what? To be a gullible idiot?”  
Saeran: “No. Art. Be my art teacher. You're not a gullible idiot. Naive maybe.”  
Me: “You want me to teach you art? Seriously?”  
Saeran: “Why not? You said yourself it's a form of therapy.”  
Me: “I did. It is. I guess I could. I bought enough things to get started. I'll teach you on 1 condition.”  
Saeran: “What is it?”  
Me: “You have to teach me how to play LOLOL.”  
Saeran: “Ugh, fine. Fair enough.”

We got to the house and put the art supplies in the living room. 

Saeyoung: “Anything for me?”  
Me: “Nope.”  
Saeran: “We went to the art supply store.”  
Saeyoung: “Oh? That's great.”  
Me: “Yeah, I think I'm ready to paint again.”  
Saeyoung: “If you need a model, I'm more than happy to oblige.”  
Me: “I'll let you know honey, I'm going to start with simple exercises first.”  
Saeran: “When will you start teaching me?”  
Me: “I should test your abilities and take a look at my books. Right now let me organize this stuff. We'll start after I have a better idea of what I'm going to do.”  
Saeyoung: “Teach? I think I have a school girl outfit. You can dress up as a sexy teacher.”  
Me: “No honey. We're not cosplaying. Saeran asked me seriously to be his art instructor.”  
Saeyoung: “You can make it fun by dressing up.”  
Me: “No. That'd be too distracting.”  
Saeran: “Why do you ruin everything?”  
Saeyoung: “What? Don't you think she'd look sexy as a hot teacher?”  
Saeran: “She's already sexy no matter what she wears.”  
Saeyoung: “You think she's hotter when she's dressed in black, especially latex.”  
Me: “Guys. I'm right here. Thank you. I appreciate you think I'm sexy but can we have dinner? I'm starving.”  
Saeyoung: “Right. I'm sorry.”  
Saeran: “We're sorry.”

We sat at the table to eat, Saeyoung had made lasagna. It was a little liquid-y but it tasted really good. I complimented him and we awarded me with a glass of wine. 

Me: “Awww babe. You really know how to pamper me when I get home.”  
Saeyoung: “As your husband in training I have to do my best to keep you happy.”  
Me: “Your efforts are appreciated.”

I took the glass of wine with me to the living room and the twins stayed behind to clean up. I picked up the small sketchbook I bought and took out a pencil to start drawing the wine glass. There were a few drops left in the glass and I decided to add that detail with a crimson soft pastel. Saeyoung brought me a new glass with wine and the twins sat with me on the sofa. 

Saeran: “That's really good.”  
Saeyoung: “The hint of color adds a finishing touch.”  
Me: “Thanks, this is just a warm up.”  
Saeyoung: “What's that painting over there?”  
Me: “Something I started a long time ago. It was supposed to be a hellish landscape inside a bubble. I think I might paint over it and do something new.”  
Saeran: “Why not finish it?”  
Me: “I'm not the same person I was when I started it. I don't want a reminder of the pain I lived through.”  
Saeyoung: “The colors are vivid.”  
Me: “I could turn it into something else.”  
Saeran: “Yeah, you can transform it into something new.”  
Me: “I'll think about it. When I paint, I let the colors guide me, the canvas beckons me to dress her with different shapes, shades, and textures.”  
Saeyoung: “Spoken like a true artist.”  
Me: “Art was my passion. When words failed to describe what I felt I turned to painting. Thank you for reminding me I'm not just a writer.”  
Saeyoung: “You're welcome babe. I know it's been a tough couple of days and it pains me to see you distressed, but we learned a lot about each other and I'm looking forward to seeing you paint.”  
Saeran: “Talking about our past felt… Liberating. I'm glad it inspired you to create again.”  
Me: “I'm glad too. I've ignored my artistic side long enough. Could you bring the wine bottle?”  
Saeyoung: “Are you going to drink it or draw it?”  
Me: “Both of course.”

They chuckled and he went to get it for me. I drank the wine from the glass he brought and told Saeran to pay attention. 

Me: “Each of these pencils has a number and/or letter. On the box you can see an example of their shade, from lightest to darkest. Usually when I sketch I use the HB or B pencil, it's light enough to erase easily and good for blending when I apply darker shades. That's just my preference. Some people like 2H or 4H to start with.”  
Saeran: “What does the H stand for?”  
Me: “Hardness. B is for Black. The higher the graphite content, the harder the core or lead of the pencil, the higher the clay content, the softer and darker the lead is. I'll lend you one of my books, it explains materials in more detail. 

Saeyoung brought the bottle and poured the leftover wine in my glass. 

Me: “The key to drawing is observation. Everything is composed by basic geometric shapes. I want you to look at my hand and see how I hold the pencil. I'll roughly measure with my eyes and pencil then draw a rectangle on the paper. Those is the space the bottle occupies, inside the rectangle I'll draw the contour of the bottle and erase my guidelines when I'm done.”  
Saeran: “Your lines are so straight without using a ruler.”  
Me: “It's all practice. You should use a ruler if you're drawing guidelines. This is a rough sketch so I'm not interested in accuracy.”  
Saeyoung: “It's looking pretty accurate to ME.”  
Me: “I can spot the mistake but whatever. When drawing symmetrical objects, it's easier to draw a guideline down the middle. To draw the curve and neck of the bottle, I'll lightly draw an ellipse here and a rectangle at the top, now I observe the bottle and imitate the curve by using the shapes I drew as my guide. You should always draw what you see, not what you think it looks like. The rest is adding detail. Notice how I hold the pencil depending on the stroke I make; it's loose, you don't hold the pencil as if you're writing unless you're doing tight detailing.”  
Saeran: “How do you make it look 3-dimensional?”  
Me: “By adding shadows. I go from lightest to darkest. I look at the object and determine its equivalent in greyscale. You can take a picture of the object and convert it to monochrome on your phone to use as reference. I started with an HB pencil, next would be B or 2B, 3B, 4B, 5B, 6B, 8B. There are darker pencils but these are the ones I have. You make a sample of each pencil on the paper to see which pencil suits the equivalent greyscale value.”

I did a demonstration with my phone and made a quick tonal scale to show him, then erased the guidelines and sketched the label to add different tones and show him what I meant. 

Me: “I'm not going to shade it completely because the lighting here isn't great and this is just a quick sketch but you get the idea.”  
Saeyoung: “You're amazing.”  
Me: “I'm really not, but thanks.”  
Saeran: “You don't give yourself enough credit. Mrs. Kwan said you're a talented painter.”  
Saeyoung: “Mrs. Kwan, the art supply shop owner?”  
Me: “Yeah, she was the one that recommended me for that teaching job I had.”  
Saeyoung: “The art instructor one?”  
Me: “Yeah. I only worked there for a year.”  
Saeran: “Do you think you'd ever want to go back to that?”  
Me: “I dunno. It's too soon to say. Depends on your progress as my student. Now, shall we start my LOLOL lesson?”  
Saeyoung: “You're going to teach her how to play?”  
Me: “You can both teach me. It doesn't matter.”

We spent the rest of the night in Saeran’s room, I learned about the different classes of characters there we're before they let me choose mine. Then I went through the tutorial and completed my first quest. It was late when I went to bed so I felt like a zombie when I got up for work. I left the book I had promised Saeran with a note on the table so he'd study and do and do some exercises while I was working. When we got home I took a look at what he did and was pretty impressed. I elaborated on a few things from the book and gave him an assignment. We had dinner and I went to the living room to draw, Saeran joined me to work on his assignment. 

Saeyoung: “Do me next.”  
Me: “Is that an invitation?”  
Saeyoung: “Always so dirty minded. Will you please pick up your mind from the gutter?”  
Me: “Fine, stay still and I'll draw you. Might as well practice anatomy.”

I took a drawing pen and sketched his profile in ¾.

Saeyoung: “Wow babe. That looks really good and you made it seem effortless. We should put it on the refrigerator door.”  
Me: “Mmm thanks but no, you can keep the drawing if you want, I'll sign it and everything.”  
Saeyoung: “You're the best.”

I kept sketching them, even drew Saeran drawing his exercise, I stopped drawing when Saeran was finished. 

Saeran: “My wrist hurts.”  
Me: “You need to relax your hand and stretch it every now and then. Watch my hands and do the same.”  
I did some hand stretches and commented on his drawing, giving him a few pointers then we went to his room to play LOLOL. The next day went pretty much the same way and today, I finally started painting since I don't have to go to work. The canvas I had started years ago is an oil painting, I had some tubes left in the box I brought from storage so I've been working on it on and off while giving Saeran different exercises to work on chapters to read. It's been a satisfying experience and the twins are so supportive. I wouldn't be doing this without them. I love them to death.


	21. Blast from the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran's art lessons are going well, MC takes him and Zen to a novelty bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, another update. Haven't had a lot of time to digitize so I'm not sure if I can set up a regular updating schedule. 
> 
> No smut in this one. Just a chapter to move the story forward. Finally gave my MC a name. I figured since her last name is Mun I could give her a name that starts with C. Since in Korean they say last names first, her initial would be MC.

Dear diary, 

Saeran has been an eager learner and it helps that he's naturally talented. He's my first ever adult student, the classes I taught as an instructor were for children ages 8-15 as part of an after school program. I remember how my university courses were structured so I've been teaching him on a college level depending on his progress. Basics are basics, no matter how old you are. What I'm doing differently than when I taught children is focusing more on the techniques and use of the materials. You can find anything online these days, the suggestions I make on his work, he looks them up and watches tutorials. I can see the improvement on each of his new pieces. He said he was interested in painting so we started Color Theory. I gave him a list of books he could download to use as reference and I've been giving him exercises that take a few days to complete. Saeyoung has been acting like a proud father, posting pictures of our artwork in the messenger. Jumin seemed interested in my painting, he said C&R had an Arts & Entertainment branch in partnership with V’s father, a famous gallery owner. I told him I knew who he was since he's my father's cousin. That little known fact surprised everyone, except the twins since they already knew. 

Jumin: Did V know you were related to him? 

Me: I don't know. My father was disowned by his parents when he refused to marry their chosen fiancé. He was in love with my mother, a florist's daughter. 

Yoosung: He married the woman he loved, how romantic. 

Zen: Sounds like something from a TV drama. 

Me: He took my mother's surname when they married and never contacted his parents again. 

Yoosung: That means you're a Kim too. 

Me: It's a common surname. I know my father's family keep tabs on him and his children but I don't know much about them other than who my grandparents are and my aunt. I got a call from my father after he found out about V’s death, told me they'd met in Hong Kong a couple years ago and that V’s father is his cousin. 

Jumin: Met how? At an exhibition? 

Me: I don't know, maybe, I didn't ask. It was a stressful time and we didn't  
talk for long. The news that V was my second cousin was shocking enough. 

Jumin: My apologies. 

Zen: I can't believe V was your cousin. 

Yoosung: Me neither. I'm so sorry. 

Me: Second cousin. It's OK. At least I saw him in person and thanks to him I met the twins. 

Yoosung: Still, he was your blood relative. 

Jumin: Before V became a photographer, he used to draw and had started painting. 

Me: Really? 

Jumin: Yes, his father wanted him to be a businessman but his mother encouraged him to pursue art. 

Yoosung: Must run in the family. 

Zen: Not necessarily, my family isn't artistically inclined in the slightest. 

Me: I think some people are born with talent but others work hard for it. 

Zen: That's a good way to put it. 

Me: I had a professor that said “Anyone can paint if you practice hard enough.”

Zen: Yeah, same goes for acting. 

Me: Exactly. Skills have to be polished. 

Jumin: I agree. 

Me: The both of you agreed on something. 

Zen: It's coincidence. If anything, we agreed with you. 

Jumin: If there's anything you need, as Jihyun’s friend and heir of his estate, I'm sure he would've loved for you to have his studio. 

Me: Thank you for the offer Jumin. I'll think about it. 

Jumin: Very well. I can't believe this, it's been a year since his death and I still keep finding out things about V. 

Me: I'm sorry for not mentioning it before. I didn't want to seem like I was after anything. My father knows the Hans are close to the Kim's and told me not to say anything for my safety. 

Jumin: I understand. I can assume the need for discretion in private matters. 

Yoosung: Disowned by his own parents. Unbelievable. How can people do  
that to their own son? 

Zen: Quite easily. My parents did the same. 

Me: I wouldn't say it's easy, but yes, it's a sad reality some people have to face. It could be worse, some are abused instead of abandoned. Makes me appreciate growing up with loving parents. 

Yoosung: Yeah, me too. I think I had a normal childhood. 

Jumin: You might be more privileged than you think. 

Yoosung: I guess so. 

Me: I gotta go, take care everyone.

Yoosung: We gonna play LOLOL tonight right?

Me: Maybe tomorrow. I'm going out for drinks with Zen later. 

Zen: You play too? Since when? 

Me: Saeran’s been teaching me in exchange for art lessons. 

Zen: Another soul lost to the world of LOLOL. 

Yoosung: You mean gained. 

Me: At least I have a social life. 

Yoosung: *crying emoji*  
Don't rub it in my face. 

Zen: She's right though. She has 2 boyfriends and you have 0 girlfriends.

Yoosung: *crying emoji*  
You don't have a girlfriend either. 

Zen: My chances are higher than yours. 

Me: True. And he has a legion of fans. 

Zen: I wouldn't say a legion, but yeah, the fan club has been steadily growing. 

Me: See you tonight Zen. 

Zen: Text me when you're on your way. 

Me: Okies. Bye! 

I had a hair appointment that afternoon. I wanted to go back to my signature black hair. I wore a wig last week as a test and asked the boys if they liked it. Surprisingly they did, I also tried the long red one for fun but Saeran didn't like it. We went to the salon, they got haircuts and I got my hair professionally colored. I used to do it myself but I wanted to splurge since I could afford it. Then we went shopping, Saeran was tired of his hand me downs, so we all upgraded our wardrobe and donated  
clothes to charity. 

Saeran: “I missed wearing leather.”

Me: “It suits you. I like it.”

Saeyoung: “Do you love my new glasses?”

Me: “Yeah, they complement you.”

Saeran: “Why couldn't you pick a simple one, like black?”

Saeyoung: “‘Cause I like playful colors. Like me.”

Saeran: “But seriously, green?”

Saeyoung: “Olive green. You study art now, call it by its proper name.”

Saeran: “Whatever.”

When we got home I showered, got dressed, and did my makeup. 

Saeyoung: “Saeran, a sexy vixen broke into our house. She appears to be unarmed.”

Saeran whistled when he walked into the bedroom. 

Saeran: “Look at you all dolled up. We should keep you here and have a little fun together.”

Me: “I made plans so that'll have to wait.”

Saeyoung: “I think you look just as hot as Zen.”

Saeran: “I think you mean hotter.” 

Me: “Those are pretty high standards.” 

Saeyoung: “Let the RFA judge.”

He took out his phone and snapped a picture of me to post on the messenger. 

Saeyoung entered the chatroom

Saeyoung: Look who got a make over.  
[[photo]]

Yoosung: *surprised emoji*  
That's not you in cosplay, right?

Saeyoung: Of course not. My hips aren't curvy unless I wear a corset. 

Jaehee: Does your brother cross dress too?

Zen: Is that Chung Ae? 

Jaehee: *surprised emoji*

Yoosung: *surprised emoji*

Saeyoung: I knew Zen would recognize her. Doesn't she look stunning? Just as pretty as Zen. 

Yoosung: She's always been beautiful but yeah, I guess stunning would be a good description. 

I entered the chatroom

Me: Goddammit Saeyoung. You ruined the surprise. 

Saeyoung: *confused emoji*  
You can take drunk selfies later and compare who's prettier. 

Me: -_-

Jaehee: Being compared to Zen’s beauty is no easy feat. I like the new hair color. It suits your face. 

Me: It's actually my old one. I went back to my natural hair color not long before I joined the RFA. 

Zen: Her driver's license has a picture of her with black hair. 

Saeyoung: You're right I forgot about that. 

Yoosung: How did you see her license? 

Me: I get carded sometimes at bars. I showed him my ID once. 

Yoosung: Really? You get carded? 

Me: Yeah. It's flattering. 

Jaehee: You do look young for your age.

Me: Thanks.

Saeyoung: *sparkle eye emoji*  
That’s right, I’m marrying a cougar that looks like a kitten.

Me: Excuse him.

Saeyoung left the chatroom.

Zen: He’s gonna get it.

Yoosung: Get what?

Jaehee: It’s best not to ask.

I left the chatroom

Me: “Saeran, please slap your brother.”

Saeran: “Not that I need a reason to do so but what did he do?”

Saeyoung: “I called her a cougar that looks like a kitten.”

Saeran: “I don’t know who’s more inappropriate. But, really? Don’t joke about a woman’s age unless you WANT to be slapped. 

Saeyoung: “It was a harmless comment.”

Saeran flicked his brother’s nose.

Me: “Whatever.”

Saeran: “Your love of cat puns is going to get you hurt.”

Me: “You’re lucky I don’t have long nails anymore.”

Saeyoung: “But I like getting scratched.”

Me: “It’s not punishment if you enjoy it.”

Saeran: “Make him eat nothing but vegetables for a week.”

Saeyoung: “Nooooooooo. How could you sell me out like that?”

Saeran: “You brought this on yourself.”

Me: “I hope you enjoyed your last piece of meat for a while.”

Saeyoung: “You mean just food, right?”

Me: “See you later honey!”

Saeyoung: “Babe! Answer me!”

Saeran: “Assume it’s both.”

Saeyoung: “Noooooo.”

We went to the garage and left. Saeran drove and I sat quietly in the car.

Saeran: “Are you really cutting him off from sex?”

Me: “Eh. I dunno. I’m annoyed with him now but it’ll pass. I’ll probably forget after a few drinks. Although, it’d be nice to make him suffer like I did when he denied sleeping with me last year.”

I texted Zen we were on our way to his place.

Saeran: “At least do the vegetarian menu.”

Me: “I like the idea. Let’s do it.”

Saeran: “I wouldn’t mind it.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Saeran: “For what?”

Me: “For taking my side.”

Saeran: “My brother’s an idiot. He doesn’t think before he types.”

Me: “I know he tried to say it like a compliment but it was...”

Saeran: “Off. Like his brain sometimes.”

Me: “Yeah. But he’s my adorable goof.”

Saeran: “And he’s my idiot brother.”

Me: “We love him anyway.”

Saeran: “Yeah, I guess.”

We made it to Zen’s house and I texted “We’re parked outside.”. I saw the fish shaped bread vendor and asked Saeran if he wanted some. He offered to buy it for me, I waited in the car.

Zen: “You look even better in person.”

Me: “I say the same thing about you every time I see you.”

Zen: “No camera can capture my godlike looks. Wait, why are you alone in the car?”

Me: “Saeran’s over there getting fish shaped bread.”

Zen: “Oh. I didn’t see him. He looks different.”

Me: “I bought him new clothes and he got a haircut. Don’t just stand there, get in the car.”

Zen: “He looks nice. Maybe I should take you shopping with me, help with picking a new outfit.”

Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

Saeran: “Here, there’s one for each of us.”

Me: “Thanks sweetie.”

Saeran: “You’re welcome.”

Zen: “I like your jacket. It looks good on you. Should I get mine too? Or maybe not, we might look like we’re in a gang.”

Me: “Who would think that?”

Zen: “You’d be surprised.”

Me: “I guess you’d know since you were in a gang.”

Saeran: “Is that so?”

Zen: “Yeah, when I was in my teens. I’ve been living on my own since I left middle school, joined a gang to survive the streets, we took care of each other, then I started working and acting.”

Saeran: “Don’t they kill you when you leave a gang?”

Zen: “Nah, those guys aren’t that bad. They knew my dream was acting, some of them even went to my first show.”

Me: “That’s so sweet of them.”

Zen: “Yeah, they were pretty nice guys. I mean sure, we shoplifted and looted, but, we did it to eat and have a roof over our heads. We didn’t plan to be petty criminals the rest of our lives.”

Me: “I get it, you did what you had to for survival.”

Saeran: “Alright, so where are we going?”

Me: “Ok Zenny, I know you love your neighborhood bar but your celebrity status has skyrocketed since you were cast in that movie so I found a bar with a VIP area that’s not super high class, you interested?”

Zen: “I know, I can’t go to that bar anymore without getting swarmed by fans. Even a trip to the convenience store is a hassle.”

Me: “That’s because they wait for you there, they know you visit those places quite frequently.”

Zen: “The burdens of being handsome and recognizable.”

Saeran: “Conceited too.”

Me: “Zen’s not conceited. He’s an actor, a theater actor, of course he’s dramatic. Besides, it’s not his fault he’s pretty.”

Zen: “You always have a way with words.”

Me: “Thank you. So, VIP or fan horde?”

Zen: “Let’s try the VIP. Yu said it’s not fancy, I trust your choice.”

Me: “Okie dokie.”

I looked up the address and turned on the GPS.

Zen: “How’s the painting coming along? What I’ve seen so far is really good.”

Me: “Thanks. I’ve been a writer for so long, I forgot what being an artist felt like.”

Zen: “I had no idea you were so talented.”

Me: “My major in college was Journalism but I did a minor in Art. I switched majors too, I started with Literature, took me forever to finish university, I took a lot of classes and I really loved the art related ones.”

Zen: “I knew you were really smart but it’s nice to see your artistic side.”

Me: “Thanks. The boys inspired me to express myself through art.”

Zen: “The boys?”

Saeran: “My brother and I.”

Zen: “Right. Well, that’s great. You’ll have to paint my portrait some time.”

Me: “Maybe for your birthday. I’ll paint you as a Greek bust or statue.”

Zen: “Haha. Anything you paint will be fine by me.”

Me: “Awww, thanks.”

Zen: “You should consider trust fun kid’s offer.”

Me: “I don’t know. It would be weird.”

Zen: “Why?”

Me: “In a practical sense, it’s far from work and home, also I’m not sure if it’s right to accept something from the man that betrayed the twins.”

Zen: “Jumin?”

Saeran: “V.”

Me: “You know how he lied to Saeyoung about Saeran and Mint Eye.”

Zen: “That’s true but you know he had a weird sense of shouldering burdens and doing everything himself.”

Saeran: “He was a fool.”

Zen: “Yeah, maybe, but he truly loved and cared for the people that trusted him.”

Saeran: “He had a shitty way of showing it.”

Zen: “I’m sorry you had to live through hell.”

Saeran: “It’s not your fault.”

Zen: “I know, you blame V for what happened to you.”

Saeran: “Who else can I blame? He and Rika took me from my abusive mother and promised me a better life. I went from one hell to another. At least Rika attempted to help me, even if her efforts were misguided.”

Zen: “That sounds pretty bad.”

Saeran: “It’s in the past.”

Me: “I know Jumin thinks he’s doing me a favor but I can’t accept his offer.”

Zen: “I can see why.”

Me: “Maybe if I didn’t work at the office.”

Zen: “Yeah, the studio is far away.”

Saeran: “Even in Saeyoung’s fastest car it’d take an hour or 2 just to get there.”

Zen: “Really? Damn. I forgot how far it is. Either way, if you feel V owes them for what he did or didn’t do, don’t you think it would be ok to take whatever he left behind?”

Saeran: “That’s an interesting way to put it.”

Me: “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Zen: “Talk to Saeyoung about it. See what he thinks.”

Me: “Yeah. I’ll try that.”

We made it to the bar. There was a bouncer at the door and a line outside.

Saeran: “Looks crowded.”

Me: “It’s not. Just hold my arm and follow me.”

As soon as we started walking past the line, people started to recognize Zen. When we got to the bouncer I said “Zen plus 2.”

Bouncer: “Sing the last song from your latest play.”

Zen needs little encouragement to sing when he has an audience so he did as asked. Everyone in line cheered and applauded, the bouncer too, then he let us in with VIP stamps.

Saeran: “That was pretty cool.”

Zen: “Yeah, it was fun. How’d you know that would work and let us in VIP?”

Me: “I had a feeling.”

They chuckled and gasped when we walked in. The place looked really nice, it had a retro, sort of arcade look to it. There were pinball machines, old TVs, computers, the bar counter looked like Super Mario blocks, it was a mishmash of 80s and 90s stuff.

Zen: “This bar is something else. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Saeran: “It looks amazing.”

Me: “I thought you’d both like it. C’mon let’s order.”

We walked to the bar and when the bartender saw our VIP stamps, he told us to head over to the game room and use the phone to order drinks. He pointed us in the right directions and headed over there. The game room was exactly what it sounded like. It had a big comfy sofa with a huge flat screen TV, several game consoles, and wall full of shelves with games. There was an air hockey table and several arcade game machines.

Zen: “Woah. This place is unbelievable. We should bring Yoosung and Saeyoung here.”

Me: “This is a bar and they’re lightweights though.”

Zen: “What about him?”

Me: “He’s a lightweight too but not a crier like Yoosung.”

Zen: “I think nobody cries as much as him.”

Me: “Agreed.”

Saeran: “I’m the designated driver.”

Zen: “Then it’s OK for him not to drink, I guess.”

The phone was on a side table next to the sofa, it took me a while to figure out it was an actual phone because it was one of those novelty corded phones in the shape of a hamburger. I ordered a pitcher of beer and a strawberry Ramune. The pitcher and glasses that were brought in were blocky, like frosted pixels or blocks.

Me: “Even the glassware is 8 bit.”

Zen: “How’d you find this place?”

Me: “Through work. I edited an article about its opening. Once I saw the pictures I knew you’d like it. There’s even a computer like your old one if you wanna play Solitaire or Minesweeper.”

Zen: “Wow. You’re the best. I couldn't ask for a greater friend.”

Me: “You can pay me with alcohol while playing games.”

Zen: “Cheers! Drinks are on me!”

There were so many games to choose from. A lot of them were single or 2 player, we took turns on Air Hockey and then the arcade games. A pitcher and half of beer later, we were on the sofa playing Super Smash Bros on Nintendo 64, it was the only console that had 4 controllers. After the second pitcher of beer we played Mario Kart 64. Saeran beat us in all the games we played except the dancing one and Air Hockey. When the last race was over I ordered water and fried chicken.

Zen: “I’ve never had so much fun. You guys are good friends and look great together. I’m happy for you.”

Saeran: “Thanks. I had fun too. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Zen: “We have to do this again.”

Me: “Agreed.”

Zen: “One more pitcher?”

Me: “How about Jell-o shots?”

Zen: “Instead of regular shots?”

Me: “They have special molds that look like figurines.”

Zen: “For the novelty factor then.”

Me: “Yeah. They also have specialty drinks but I usually don’t like those.”

Zen: “Me neither, but let’s try the jell-o shots.”

Me: “Alright.”

The chicken arrived with the jell-o shots, they were in the shape of Minecraft characters. I offered Saeran one of them and he looked at it dubiously.

Me: “Don’t worry, it really does taste like Jell-o.”

Saeran: “But it had alcohol right?”

Me: “Yeah, eat one or half of it, you’ll be fine.”

Saeran: “I don’t trust your judgment but I’m curious enough to try it.”

Zen: “Eat half. It won’t do much.”

Saeran: “Fine.”

There were 4 Jell-o shots, Zen had 2, I had 1 ½ and Saeran ½.

Saeran: “It tasted good.”

Me: “Right?”

Saeran: “You always drink bitter tasting alcohol.”

Me: “It’s an acquired taste. I used to like sweet drinks.”

Zen: “I think I’m going to look for that vintage computer and try Minesweeper for a while.”

Me: “Yeah, go ahead. I’ll play pinball.”

Zen: “Ok, see you in a bit.”

Saeran: “I think I’ll play Pac-Man.”

Me: “Alright.”

We all went to different single player games after our initial picks, trying several ones like Space Invaders, Pong, and Galaga for Saeran, Freecell, Solitaire, and Snake for Zen, Super Mario for me. They found me on the couch playing SNES.

Saeran: “Ready to go?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Zen: “I’ll pay at the counter.”

The exit was a side door that lead to the parking lot, Saeran walked me to the car and we waited for Zen. 

Me: “Did you have fun?”

Saeran: “Tons. You really are the best.”

He kissed me lightly on the lips.

Me: “Anything for you.”

Saeran: “Zen’s a pretty decent guy, and funny too.”

Me: “I’m glad you got along.”

Zen got in the car and we drove away.

Saeran: “What took you so long?”

Zen: “Sorry, the bartender wanted a Zenfie.”

Me: “Of course he did.”

Saeran: “Not surprised. Let’s get you home.”

Zen: “Thanks. Wow, I really loved that place. I can’t wait to visit again. You should bring Saeyoung next time.”

Me: “Sure, we can all play.”

Zen: “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”

We took Zen to his apartment, said goodnight, and then went home.

Saeyoung: “Did you have fun?”

Me: “Tons.”

Saeran: “Yeah, we played arcade games.”

Me: “And Air Hockey.”

Saeran: “And Nintendo 64.”

Me: “And other games.”

Saeyoung: “Zen too?”

Saeran: “Yes. They got drunk too.”

Me: “Saeran tasted a jell-o shot.”

Saeran: “We ate fried chicken.”

Saeyoung: “You let him have alcohol?”

Me: “Relax. It was half a shot.”

Saeyoung: “You’re always perverting him.”

Saeran: “I let myself. I had a choice. I could’ve said no.”

Saeyoung: “Not to THAT sexy face.”

Me: “Stop it. I’m tired.. By the way, Zen loved the place, wants you to come with us next time.”

Saeyoung: “Oh? I suppose that can be arranged.”

Me: “You done working?”

Saeyoung: “For now.”

Me: “Wash my face, will you?”

Saeyoung: “Sure thing babe.”

I was so tired, I don’t remember how I got to the bed. I was drowsy and heard Saeran telling me to sit up. He gave me a glass of water and activated charcoal pills to swallow. I fell asleep after that and woke up t a snoring Saeyoung by my side with an arm around me. I traced the dark circles under his eyes with my finger tips, he stirred in his sleep and groaned. I kissed the tip of his nose, he cracked open an eye, yawned and chuckled lightly.

Me: “Good morning sleeping beauty.”

Saeyoung: “Who are you and what did you do to my fiancée?”

Me: “Oh, ha ha.”

Saeyoung: “Answer something only she would know.”

Me: “I’m game.”

Saeyoung: “What did I ask my fiancée when I called her for the first time ever?:

Me: “You wanted me to repeat “Honey, I love you.” like that stuffed teddy bear from the commercial.”

Saeyoung: “Still so cute when you say it like that.”

Me: “I thought it was a bizarre thing to do to someone you just met online.”

Saeyoung: “You’re no role model either.”

Me: “I suppose not, the 2 of you keep reminding me. You know, last night Saeran said he loves you.” 

Saeyoung: “Really? How?”

Me: “I said that you’re my adorable goof and he said you’re his idiot brother, then I said that we love you anyway and he replied with a yeah, I guess.”

Saeyoung: “That counts as progress.”

Me: “I think so too. Neither of you are good at opening up or forgiving.”

Saeyoung: “But we’ve come a long way.”

Me: “I’m proud of you.”

Saeyoung: “I can’t take the credit. You made us a family.”

Me: “I hardly think sleeping with your brother made us a family.”

Saeyoung: “You know it’s a lot more than that. You went out with him last night and had fun didn’t you?”

Me: “Yeah. You should’ve seen him smile and laugh, he looked so happy, like he genuinely enjoyed himself.”

Saeyoung: “You made that happen. You helped him find happiness.”

Me: “Are YOU happy?”

Saeyoung: “Of course. You’re my happiness.”

He lightly kissed my nose and I cuddled up closer to him. I don’t know if 2 minutes or 20 passed by but my phone rang, interrupting our cuddling. I got up to get my phone, it was Zen, said there was a rumor he went out last night with a bondage film actress. 

Zen: “Nobody can find videos of you though.”

Me: “Then there’s nothing to worry about.”

Zen: “The rumor will most likely die soon.”

Me: “You can just say I’m your friend and fellow RFA member.”

Zen: “Which is true. You should tell the twins anyway.”

Me: “I will. Bye.”

I hung up and took a deep breath. I felt uneasy at the prospect of having rumors about me and those damn sex videos.

Saeyoung: “What was that about?”

Me: “There’s a rumor about Zen dating a bondage girl. People are trying to find my videos.”

Saeyoung: “You were recognized? You’re more famous than I thought.”

Me: “Whatever. Just make sure those videos don’t ever show up.”

Saeyoung: “Saeran’s probably working on it as we speak.”

Me: “Probably. But 2 hackers are better than one.”

Saeyoung: “I’ll join him in a minute.”

Me: “Do me a favor, update my photo on the RFA website, that way if people look for my face, that shows up in the image results.”

Saeyoung: “Smart thinking, 606.”

Me: “I’ll update facebook and tripter, that should keep the press busy. Once they see my name and do a search, my articles will show up.”

Saeyoung: “Excellent plan, 606.”

I got up to brush my teeth and went to the kitchen to make coffee and sat on the table with my phone to start updating my social media. I even added a few pictures of my drawings and paintings, sent a few to Mrs. Kwan as well. I did what I could to redirect my image from “known bondage film actress” to “writer and editor for C&R Magazine” “charity coordinator” and “friends with Jumin Han and Zen”. The day had started out stressful but the situation was handled well. Zen posted pictures to his tripter of us playing together with captions like “Hanging out with friends.” and “My Best friend introduced this bar to me and I love it.”

Saeyoung: “Babe. I got good news.”

Me: “Do tell.”

Saeyoung: “We dug a little deeper and tracked every user that saw and downloaded the videos, if they ever try to access them from a storage device we initially missed, it’ll be deleted. Just in case, Saeran’s working on a different script that sniffs the header for file formats, sizes, etc. with facial recognition to add it to the virus.”

Me: “Maybe coloring my hair was a bad idea. I just wanted to move on and the past keeps coming back to haunt me.”

Saeyoung: “Don’t say that. Want me to dress up as a bondage girl and post it online?”

Me: “It’s a tempting idea but you don’t have the hips for it.”

Saeyoung: “I got a nice ass though.”

Me: “That you do.”

Saeran: “Mine’s better.”

Me: “Mmmmmm. Yeah.”

Saeyoung: “Pffft.”

Saeran: “If you did more chores you’d be less squishy.”

Saeyoung: “Squishy is good. I’m soft and pliable.”

Me: “He has a point there.”

Saeyoung: “Did you finish the script?”

Saeran: “The barebones. Right now it’s scanning headers for the encoded footprint. I’ll check on it again later.”

Me: “Thank you. Both of you.”

Saeran: “It’s the least I can do. Hacking just happens to be the only thing I’m good at.”

Saeyoung: “Once a hacker, always a hacker. I love a good challenge.”

Saeran: “It’s our job to keep you safe.”

Me: “I appreciate it. But hacking is not all you’re good at.”

I kissed the both of them and invited them to join me in the kitchen to make brunch, after we ate they continued to work while I kept myself busy. I’m lucky to have skilled hackers by my side, I just wish they could see they’re a lot more than that, but it’ll take time. It’s been a long process but they’re not the same hackers I met a year ago.


	22. Hacker God's Wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran and Saeyoung decide to make a LOLOL guild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortest chapter ever. I liked the idea and it came out this way. Next chapter is the family vacation. I finally wrote it. Just have to digitize it.

Saeyoung keeps his computers in his workshop and Saeran has a small setup in his room. While the younger twin was working on tracking some files, he took a little break and opened LOLOL. He noticed something different in his friend list, he decided to pay his brother a little visit.

“Why did you change her character name to Hacker God’s Wife?” Saeran demanded.

“Holy Honey Buddha Chips and Sweet Dr. Pepper, can you knock next time or sing dramatically while entering? You scared me, I could’ve burned myself if I was soldering.” Saeyoung chimed.

“Whatever.” The younger twin scoffed.

“I did it to deter other players from attacking her. If they know who Hacker God is, they’ll think twice before messing with her and if they don’t know who I am, well, they will.” he explained.

“They’ll feel Hacker God’s wrath?” Saeran mocked.

“Well yeah, I’ve been playing for years, most people recognize my avatar or think I’m a myth. If we make a guild I can change her name back since she’ll show up under our protection.”

“You planned this, didn’t you?”

“I’d love to say I did but I just thought of it. For me, the name change would’ve been enough.”

“Fine, I’ll make the guild. What do we call it? And please, nothing related to cats.”

“There go my first 5 options.”

“It should symbolize the 3 of us.”

“The power of 3? The 3 Musketeers? Fearsome threesome? 2 guys n a girl? Arts & Hacks?”

“Saeyoung. Stop. Those are all terrible suggestions. I don’t know why I bothered asking you. Why am I even discussing this with you? This is stupid.”

“What kind of name do you think she would like? She wanted to be in a guild, it’s not a stupid idea, there are missions that only guilds can participate in.”

“She can be just as quirky as you are. Suggestions would include Sinning is Winning, New sinners on the block, or something lewd.”

“Yeah, that pretty much sums her up.”

“How about Mystic Sannin?”

“Like Naruto’s Legendary Sannin?” Saeyoung questioned his brother.

“Yeah, it’s 2 lords and a lady.”

“Not bad brother. I like it.”

“Thanks Hyung.”

“Wow, you haven’t called me that in at least a decade.”

“I think it was about time.” Saeran grumbled.

Saeyoung smiled and hugged his brother tight, leaving him gasping for air. Saeran huffed but embraced him back before pushing away to walk back to his room.


	23. Family vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally go on vacation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this without electricity so it doesn't have as much detail as I would've liked it to be but I made it work. 14 more chapters to digitize -_-
> 
> Still no electricity at my apartment but I'm lucky to have a solar charger for my phone and tablet.

Dear diary, 

It feels like it's been ages since I last touched this journal. I recently got back from Hong Kong, we finally went on our family vacation that we planned months ago. I think I need a vacation from the vacation. When you travel abroad, there's so much to see and experience in such little time you end up exhausted at the end of the day. Repeat the process during the whole of your stay you get drained, especially when you also go out at night. 

We stayed at my parent's house, everyone was excited to see us; all my siblings, their spouses and children, they welcomed us. On our first day there we had dinner with all my family members. I was a little scared that Saeran would get anxious but he seemed fine, he played with my nieces and nephews, earning the title of Uncle Saeran. My family loved the twins, as expected they we're bound to notice that Saeran wasn't just my fiancé’s brother. I talked privately with my mom about it. 

Ma: “So you not only live with them but are in a relationship with both?”

Me: “Yeah, it just sort of happened. It might sound wrong but it feels right. I love them Ma, and they take care of me, cook, and clean, but most importantly, they make me happy.”

Ma: “Baby, of course it sounds all kinds of wrong, but if men can have sister wives, women should be able to do the same. It's like your sister says, we need more equality in the world. Women women cheat on their husband, at least you don't have to worry since your fiancé knows what's going on. The key in any relationship is communication.”

Me: “Gotta say Ma, that was NOT the reaction I was expecting.”

Ma: “I was raised conservative but I know that tradition isn't necessarily right.”

Me: “How very forward thinking of you.”

Ma: “We live in modern times and like you said, the most important thing is that you're happy. That's all a mother wants for her children.”

Me: “Thanks Ma. That means a lot to me.”

Ma: “They're really cute. I can't blame you for wanting the 2 of them. I probably would've done the same.”

Me: “Ayyy maaaa. What the hell?”

Ma: “What? I'm your mother but I'm a woman too. I just hope they don't break your heart or I'll have to break them both. I still practice judo you know, keeps me flexible and strong in my old age.”

Me: “Yes ma, I heard it's useful in keeping the kids well behaved.”

Ma: “Haha. Sometimes a taunt is enough to keep them in line.”

Me: “Yes ma, I see the tradition continues.” 

Even though my mother said we live in modern times, she made me sleep in one room and the twins in another. My family got used to the idea of the twins being my life partners, they were great with the kids, Saeran helped my Ma in the kitchen, we visited parks, museums, and shopping districts. At night we went to bars, night clubs, and casinos with my siblings. The twins are really good at Blackjack, their skills got us invited to a boat party. One of the ladies at the casino was trying to hit on Saeran and she invited us to her yacht. The date of the party coincided with my birthday so I figured Why not? I'm so glad we went. I had never been on a yacht befor, and there was a famous DJ there, I danced ‘til my feet hurt, and drank a lot too, seeing Hong Kong at night off the shore was a spectacular experience. What an awesome birthday and spending it with the twins was the best part. Sadly I didn't drink enough water at the party and had a terrible hangover the next day. “Serves you right party girl. I'm sure you drank enough for the 3 of you.” my mother scolded. In a way, she was right. The twins don't really drink much and that's what makes them excellent escorts. I had so much fun dancing with them at the clubs. They might not be tall and intimidating but they can look dangerous when they want to. I always feel safe with them by my side. 

We spent 2 weeks in Hong Kong. I promised my parents I'd call more often. My nephews cried when it was time for us to go, I told them they'd see Uncle Saeyoung and Saeran again. We finally set a date for the wedding and hopefully my family will be there. I told Ma not to worry about the expenses, I just want everybody there. My dad drove us to the airport. “Take care of my little girl.” he told the twins. I hugged and kissed my dad and promised I'd call him once we arrived to Seoul. I loved spending time with my family but I'm glad to be back home. I almost can't believe the twins were accepted by my siblings. Now I have a wedding to plan.


	24. Sperm donor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC interviews the presidential candidate, the twins find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter digitized. 13 more to go. I wanted to help the boys feel at peace instead of creating more conflict. No smut in this one, just character development and moving the story forward.

Dear diary,

I never cover politics in my line of work, but I felt the need to do so this time around, couldn’t miss the opportunity. C&R Magazine got the exclusive interview for the presidential candidate and I personally asked to be the one to interview him. I wanted to be face to face with the twins’ biological father. I spoke with Jumin to make it happen and to provide me with bodyguards just in case. We discussed it privately in his office.

Jumin: “You do understand the risks of what you’re planning, don’t you? As your friend, I advise against it.”

Me: “I’m not planning on blackmailing him, I just want to do what’s right. They deserve to be truly free.”

Jumin: “I understand your position, but men in power don’t like to feel threatened. There’s no telling what the consequences will be.”

Me: “V tried to help them by hiding their existence. I want to do the opposite. Ever since I joined the RFA all I’ve done is fix Rika and V’s mistakes. Please help me fix this loose end.”

Jumin: “Very well, I’ll help you, but your proposal needs to be reworked. He’s not your average celebrity or businessman, you need to change your angle. Talk to my publicist, he can give you a better understanding of how businessmen answer questions. Study the candidate’s platform and speak with his campaign manager. Write your interview accordingly. I can’t tell you how to do your job but please take all precautions. You’ll most likely be asked to submit your questions prior to the interview for approval.”

Me: “Thank you Jumin, really. This means a lot to me.”

Jumin: “I do anything I can for my family. I know my best friend made mistakes. It’s up the living to pick up the pieces.”

Me: “I suppose. I just want them to feel safe.”

Jumin: “I understand. I’ll personally make time to help you. There might be something I can do as someone in my position but I need to make a consultation first.”

Me: “Any help is appreciated. Just remember that man sent people to kill them when they were children.”

Jumin: “I’m aware. For that reason I ask you to be prudent and cautious.”

Me: “Alright, I promise. I’ll do as you asked.”

Jumin: “Be safe. Be smart. Don’t let your emotions interfere with your work.”

Me: “Don’t worry, I’m a professional.”

Jumin: “I expect nothing less.”

I spent 2 days researching and contacting people from public relations, compiling questions based on the information I gathered. Making sure the twins would'nt find out was the hardest task of all. Jumin was very helpful in making suggestions when I showed him what I had written. Once my questions were submitted to the candidate’s press manager and approved, the interview was scheduled. As soon as I had a time and date set, I notified him and he said he’d arrange everything. I was extremely nervous. I tried to hide my anxiety by drawing but the twins knew there was something off about me that whole week. My excuse was an important deadline I had at work. It wasn’t a lie, I just wasn’t specific. I can count the times I’ve interviewed people in person, very few in the whole of my career as a journalist. I write mostly reviews and I’ve had to take statements here and there but usually by phone or email. Lately I do more editing than writing anyway so you can imagine the shock my department had when they saw me at the C&R Magazine offices after they found out I would be the one interviewing the presidential candidate. Me, the one that works elsewhere because she has anxiety issues and happens to be Mr. Han’s friend. I can’t do anything about office gossip, I had a mission to focus on. The day of the interview rolled in, I didn’t expect Jumin to actually go with me but I’m so glad he did, my nerves eased considerably. He and I arrived at the restaurant first, it’s well known for its exclusivity and privacy, we were seated in a secluded area and had a bodyguard on standby, Mr. Park arrived 5 minutes later. We greeted each other and sat down, his bodyguards had to stay nearby since they couldn’t fit in our sitting area.

Mr. Park: “I was surprised when my campaign manager said the interview would be here but now I can see why. Mr. Han Jumin himself has come to greet me. What an honor.”

Jumin: “When I was informed that C&R magazine was going to interview the presidential candidate, I personally wanted to make sure it would be conducted with the utmost care and attention to detail.”

Mr. Park: “I certainly appreciate the gesture. I’ve heard much about you, it’s a pleasure to finally meet. You’re one of the most important businessmen in the country and help the growth of our economy.”

Jumin: “I hope the things you’ve heard have been good. C&R is commited to be the leader in all the different industries we manage, for the betterment of society.”

Mr. Park: “Spoken like a true businessman.”

Jumin: “I ordered a vintage red wine before your arrival, I hope it is of your taste.”

Mr. Park: “I’ll trust your judgment, you’re a wine connoisseur, correct?”

Jumin: “I like to think I am, I’ve traveled to many vineyards all over the globe and tasted thousands of different wines. Have you been to this restaurant before?”

Mr. Park: “I can’t say that I have.”

Jumin: “Then let me recommend the pairing entrée with the wine.”

Mr. Park: “I don’t mind at all.”

Me: “Please, by all means.”

The wine arrived and Jumin ordered for us.

Jumin: “Miss Mun is not just any reporter, I trusted her with this interview because she’s my close friend. Have you heard of the RFA charity?”

Mr. Park: “I believe so, you’re the head of that organization, right?”

Jumin: “Yes, I’m the head of the RFA and Miss Mun is also a member, she’s the party coordinator.”

Mr. Park: “I heard the fundraising parties are very exclusive.”

Jumin: “Indeed, the guest list is carefully selected, Miss Mun has been in charge of that task for our last 2 parties.”

Me: “Have you participated in fundraisers for charity before, Mr. Park?”

Mr. Park: “I have participated in charity work but not fundraisers for charity specifically.”

Me: “If you’d like to attend our next RFA event, I can send my contact information to your campaign manager.”

Jumin: “We’ll be holding a Christmas party this year.”

Me: “Even if you can’t make it you can still make a donation in your name. We publish a list of donors to our website unless the donor wishes to be anonymous.”

Mr. Park:”I believe you’ve sold me the idea.”

Jumin: “It would be an honor to have you as a guest.”

Mr. Park: “Charity work is noble work. I takes a person with a big heart to give and not receive anything in return, it’s the opposite of business.”

Jumin: “I’ve been fortunate to have lived a privileged life but I’m not blind to the needs of others and truly care for the well being of those around me as well as the less fortunate.”

Mr. Park: “You’re an admirable man Mr. Han, I respect that, this country needs more people like you.”

Jumin: “I only do what I feel is right, not just for myself but for others.”

Mr. Park: “That, I understand completely, my whole campaign is basically that concept.”

The food arrived and I started my interview, I started with the questions that were about his campaign plan and his views on public policy. I asked him all the approved questions that he had prepared for and when we were close to finish eating I subtly changed the subject.

Me: “Mr. Park, I’m sure you know that in these modern times, information spreads like wildfire and I truly value the commitment you have to our country’s citizens.”

I got closer to him and lowered my voice.

“2 of those citizens happen to be your illegitimate children, they’re identical twins and their mother was called Kyung-Hu Choi. They’re grown men now and have no idea I’m speaking to you right now but I’m marrying one of them in a few months.” I continued.

Mr. Park: “What is the meaning of this?”

Jumin: “Miss Mun and her fiancée are very close friends of mine. I am aware of your history of attacking the lives your children as means to hide your indiscretion or putting an end to their mother’s blackmail.”

Me: “Your bastard children saved my life and I only wish to repay the favor. I love them very much and would do anything to free them from the burden of being hated by you.”

Mr. Park: “I cannot confirm or deny I’m the father of identical twins.”

Jumin: “It’s not a matter of you having to confirm anything, we have proof and all we ask is for their lives to be left alone. They are my friends, therefore don’t need or want anything from you, just peace.”

Me: “This is strictly off the record. You have no idea of the pain and suffering those boys grew up with. I just want to marry my fiancée in peace without him worrying about being a target. You have my word that we’ll only publish the approved questions.”

Mr. Park: “How old are they now?”

Me: “23.”

Jumin: “If you come to the Christmas party you’ll see them. They’re members of the RFA as well.”

Mr. Park: “And you’re marrying one of them?”

Me: “Yes, in the spring.”

Mr. Park: “You’re a very brave woman. I admire that.”

Me: “Love is a powerful thing, it gives strength to do the impossible. Your children are remarkably talented and intelligent. Their terrible mother died a few years ago, so at least you never have to worry about her again.”

Jumin: “I can attest that.”

Mr. Park: “Very well, a good man can admit when he’s wrong. I might’ve handled my past affairs in an unsavory fashion. I can see the love and passion in your eyes. Your fiancée is a lucky man. If what you say is true and all you want from me is peace, consider it my wedding gift to you.”

Me: “Oh, thank you. You have no idea how happy that makes me.”

Jumin: “Thank you Mr. Park. Family is very important to me and my friends are my family.”

Mr. Park: “You’re a good man Mr. Han, an old crone like me may be rich in experience but the key to being wise is to enrich your life with the wisdom and experience of others. You have a bright future ahead of you. Nurture those friendships, it’s difficult to find people to trust.”

Jumin: “Good afternoon Mr. Park and thank you.”

Mr. Park: “Good afternoon, take care Miss Mun, I have a feeling I’ll see you again.”

Me: “You want a wedding invitation?”

Mr. Park: “I doubt they’d want to see me there but I appreciate the humor. Brave and facetious, you’re quite a remarkable woman.”

We walked to the entrance and bowed, Mr. Park left with this bodyguards and Jumin took care of the bill, I waited for him in the car.

Jumin: “You accomplished your goal.”

Me: “WE did it. I can’t believe it.”

Jumin: “He’d be insane to go after any of you now.”

Me: “Did you secure the sample?”

Jumin: “Yes. I had someone send it to the lab.”

Me: “Great.”

Jumin: “I’ll have bodyguards stationed around your office just in case.”

Me: “Alright.”

Jumin: “Politicians might be nice to your face but shady behind closed doors.”

Me: “Thank you Jumin, for everything.”

Jumin: “You were right when you said that ever since you joined the RFA you’ve been fixing my best friend’s mistakes. If only he’d asked for my help, everything would’ve been different. Perhaps the pain could’ve been minimized but you sought my help and pointed out the problem. I couldn’t ignore that. I’ve seen all the good you’ve done for all of us in the RFA without expecting anything, you’re caring and selfless in a way Rika can only dream of.”

Me: “It’s like you said earlier ‘I only do what I feel is right not just for myself but for others.’”

Jumin: “You were my inspiration for that quote.”

Me: “Really? Thank you, I’m touched.”

Jumin: “You’re a valued friend. Mr. Park was right about nurturing friendships, it’s hard to find people to trust.”

Me: “You can always count on me. I hope you know that.”

Jumin: “That fact is evident when I ask you to take care of Elizabeth the 3rd for me.”

Me: “She looks really cute when she sleeps on my desk.”

Jumin: “I always enjoy the pictures you send me of her every 20 minutes.”

Me: “That’s what friends are for.”

We made it to the C&R building and Jumin me to send him the draft of my article when it was ready. Driver Kim took me to my office and I started writing my outline. I had recorded the whole conversation so I put on my headphones to work on a transcript, keeping the relevant parts for the article. It was time to go home when the clock marked 18:00, Saeran was waiting for me outside. I kissed him when I got in the car.

Saeran: “What’s with the extra security?”

Me: “Jumin thinks I might be a person of interest and thought it’d be best to send bodyguards.”

Saeran: “Oh. Should I be concerned?”

Me: “No more than usual, I think.”

Saeran: “If you say so. Did you finish the article you were working on?”

Me: “Not yet but I should have a solid draft tomorrow.” 

Saeran: “Did you have wine for lunch?”

Me: “I had wine WITH lunch. I went to a meeting with Jumin.”

Saeran: “That explains it.”

Me: “Explains what?”

Saeran: “You smell like alcohol and the fact there are security guards around the building.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I’m working on an important story and Jumin is personally overseeing it. He and I don’t see each other much so it was nice to have lunch with him.”

Saeran: “What’s the story about?”

Me: “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that.”

Saeran: “Why?

Me: “Because it’s about your father.”

Saeran: “What the fuck? The hell are you writing about?”

Me: “An interview about his campaign.”

Saeran: “You interviewed him?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Saeran: “I can’t believe this. When?”

Me: “Today.”

Saeran: “Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.”

Me: “Depends what you think I did.”

Saeran: “Your sheepish grin isn’t going to make me less angry. Please tell me you didn’t mention us to him.”

Me: “I can’t because I did. Relax. I recorded the whole conversation. You guys can hear the whole thing.”

Saeran: “Does my brother know what you’ve been up to?”

Me: “No. I’ve been purposefully vague to avoid confrontation.”

Saeran: “I swear, sometimes I’m not sure if you’re crazy or stupid.”

Me: “Your brother has said that to me before.”

Saeran: “I’m sure he had a damn good reason.”

When we got home Saeyoung was waiting for us at the dinner table.

Saeran: “Guess who she had lunch with today?”

Saeyoung: “Ummmmm, Jumin? The smell of expensive wine gives it away.”

Saeran: “Correct, but guess who else?”

Saeyoung: “Jaehee?”

Saeran: “Our sperm donor.”

Saeyoung: “No way. You’re kidding, right?”

Saeran: “Do I look like I’m kidding to you?”

Me: “Sweetie, let me explain.”

Saeyoung: “I told you to stay away from him. Why do you never listen to me? You’re always going out of your way looking for danger. What did you do this time?”

Me: “I interviewed the presidential candidate for C&R Magazine.”

Saeyoung: “You don’t do interviews or political pieces. Your story doesn’t add up.”

Me: “I asked Jumin to let me do the article when I found out the magazine got the exclusive.”

Saeyoung: “And that would explain why you’ve been so nervous.”

Me: “The interview was today, I recorded the whole thing if you want to listen.”

Saeran: “Of course we want to listen to what that dirtbag said.”

Saeyoung: “Where’s the recording?”

Me: “On my phone.”

Saeyoung: “Good, because it’s encrypted. If there were any sniffers around, they couldn’t steal information from your phone.”

Saeran: “Well? Let’s hear dear old dad.”

I took out my phone and sat with them on the table, I played the recording and started to eat my dinner. We ate together as the conversation played, we finished dinner and continued to listen until it ended.

Saeyoung: “I can’t believe you did that for us, the both of you.”

Saeran: “You got your wish of being in the same room with him and giving him a piece of your mind.”

Me: “I tried to be as levelheaded as I could. Jumin helped me prepare for the interview and I was touched he decided to join me, I had no idea he planned it that way.”

Saeyoung: “Should we believe him? I know her powers of persuasion are impressive but still.”

Saeran: “It’s best if we don’t drop our guards.”

Saeyoung: “I’d love to be the optimist but Saeran’s right. If anything, we should tighten security and use the recording to track him.”

Me: “Jumin also thought it was prudent to tighten security so now there are bodyguards around the apartment building, just in case.”

Saeyoung: “Great, take her to work in the silver car from now on, it’s bulletproof.”

Saeran: “Fine by me. It’s better than her car.”

Saeyoung: “Email me the recording and delete it from your phone.”

Me: “Alright.”

Saeyoung: “You were brave and reckless to do that.”

Me: “Recklessly in love.”

Saeyoung: “It was cute he called his peace offering a wedding gift to you. You should’ve asked him what his thoughts were on polygamy and make it legal. Marriage between 3 people and the like.”

Saeran: “Don’t be an idiot, why would she ask him that? And I don’t want you as my husband, thanks. That’s a NOPE.”

Me: “In countries where men marry several women, the wives aren’t married to each other, they’re married to the man.”

Saeyoung: “See? That’s what I meant.”

Saeran: “Whatever. It’s just a piece of paper.”

Me: “Exactly, I love the both of you.”

Saeyoung: “Enough to tell the prime minister to leave his bastard children alone. You’re amazing.”

Me: “I’m a woman of my word.”

Saeyoung: “Think he’ll go to the Christmas party?”

Me: “Guess we’ll find out eventually.”

The boys went to Saeyoung’s workshop, I did like they asked and sent the recording, deleting my copy when it finished uploading. Seeing their father so close up I could pinpoint the similarities he shares with the his spawn but I guess they mostly take after their mother. Maybe I should check if I can find photos of Mr. Park when he was younger.


	25. Pregnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC is pregnant but she's not happy about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect for the story to go in this direction when I wrote it but I'm glad it did since around this point is where I got a clearer picture as to where this fic is headed. If you're reading this, thank you so much for sticking around. It's been quite the adventure and it's far from over.

Dear diary, 

I’m pregnant. If I were a fertile woman maybe I’d be happy about this news, but I’m NOT a fertile woman, the chances of this fetus developing into a baby are slim to none. My menstrual cycle is pretty regular, I thought stress could be the reason for its delay but I’ve felt hungry after eating and sleepy during the day. Those symptoms might not seem odd but I know my body, I recognized something was off and bought a pregnancy test during my lunch break to confirm my suspicion. This isn’t my first pregnancy but I prayed to all the gods and stars in the universe for the test to be negative but it turned out positive. I started to cry right after I threw the test in the trash and called Saeran to pick me up, I’m sure he didn’t understand what I said, my sobs made it difficult to be coherent, hearing my cries was enough for him to hang up and drive over. Saeran excused me from work and we went home, I was a complete and utter mess. I couldn’t stop crying, I was inconsolable, nothing they said made a difference. Every time they tried to ask me what was wrong my words came out unintelligible. I lied on the bed crying for what seemed to be hours until there weren’t any more tears to shed. I cried so much my head hurt. Once I calmed down I emerged from the room to face them.

Me: “I can’t have this baby.”

They stared and didn’t say anything, they had already witnessed a downpour of tears and shrill cries. My condition wasn’t a secret, I can only imagine what they were thinking. The silence was deafening so I cleared my throat and spoke up again.

Me: “Not because I don’t want to, but because it’s not destined to be born.”

Saeyoung: “If it’s not destined to be born, why not give it a chance to try to grow?”

Me: “Because the longer it’s inside me, the more I’ll grow attached to it, and when it dies, the pain and loss will be greater.”

They both pressed their lips into a thin line.

Saeyoung: “Let’s make an appointment with an obstetrician so they can make a proper assessment. If your uterus is still too weak to hold a baby, then we’ll do what’s best for you.”

I crossed my arms and sighed. He was right, I had to see a doctor. I nodded in agreement.

Saeran: “It’s best to make an informed decision based on current circumstances. It’s not wise to jump into conclusions.”

Me: “Thank you for being so supportive. You’re both right. I just can’t think straight.”

Saeran: “You cried for 2 hours.”

Me: “Seemed longer than that.”

Saeyoung: “We were so worried. It was heartbreaking seeing you like that.”

Me: “Thank you for giving me space.”

Saeran: “You threw the door.”

Me: “But neither of you came inside the room.”

Saeyoung: “You made it clear you wanted to be alone.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

Saeran: “We’ll always be there when you need us.”

Me: “Can you heat up leftovers for me?”

Saeran: “Of course.”

Me: “I guess I should start looking for an obstetrician.”

Saeyoung: “I already found one.”

Me: “Oh. Give me the number and I’ll call.”

Saeyoung: “Alright, sit down and I’ll go get your phone.”

Me: “Thanks babe.”

He kissed the top of my head and left. My head was pounding and I felt dizzy. Saeran gave me a glass of water and set the food on the table.

Saeran: “You look pale, as in sickly pallor pale.”

Me: “My blood sugar must be low.”

Saeran: “Want me to feed you?”

Me: “Sure.”

Saeyoung: “Babe, you don’t look well. Want me to call for you?”

Me: “Yes please.”

I felt like a sick patient. I didn’t have the energy to support myself. I hadn’t been so utterly drained in a long time. After I ate I went back to bed, the twins refused to leave me alone this time. I was in hysterics earlier, bawling my eyes out in a crying fit, and they opted to give me space so I’d calm down on my own. I managed to fall asleep, I was cuddled up in their arms and when I woke up they were still holding me. I started to cry again but much quieter, they peppered my face with kisses and that made me smile a bit. Saeyoung offered to bring me my journal, I thought it was a good idea and accepted. My appointment is in 3 days. Whatever the result, I don’t have to face it alone.”


	26. Everything is fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC has a miscarriage, the twins do their best to be supportive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got around to digitizing this chapter, made some time, gonna try t transcribe another one and see if I can get it uploaded before the weekend is over. No promises though.

Dear diary,

We lost the baby. The twins know I’m not a fatalist but let’s call it intuition or whatever, but I had the feeling this would happen sooner or later. To my dismay, the discharge occurred at the office. My coworker had to call Saeyoung to pick me up. I called the obstetrician’s office while in the car and they told me to head over to the clinic. The good news, I’m not as infertile as I thought, the bad news, it will take several tries to have a successful pregnancy, the ugly truth, I have to quit drinking if I’m trying to get pregnant. That last one is pretty obvious but the doctor was adamant, she read my record and I wasn’t shy when I filled out how much alcohol I consume on a weekly basis. A year ago I didn’t have to worry about such things because I thought I’d never get pregnant, I had an excuse to be an alcoholic. The doctor recommended I start taking birth control pills since the hormones fool the body into believing there’s a pregnancy, it’ll help strengthen the lining of my uterus and reduce the risk of cysts. She also recommended a fertility specialist for when we’re ready to have a baby. The twins should be tested for motility to see how fertile they are and since they share the same DNA, it doesn’t make a difference who fertilizes the egg. I felt better after leaving the clinic. It’s not too late for me to be a mother. The twins’ eyes lit up when the doctor told them I could bear children one day. I remember the way they looked while they played with my nieces and nephews. I’m sure they’ll make good dads. I lied down when we got home and they stayed with me.

Saeran: “I’ve never thought about having kids.”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t either until I met her.”

Me: “Some day we can grow our family, it’ll just take time.”

Saeyoung: “There’s no hurry.”

Saeran: “We’re still young.”

Jumin called, he was informed of my second abrupt sick leave in less than 2 weeks and wanted to make sure I was alright. I told him the truth, my first leave I had found out I was pregnant and didn’t feel well, the second I had a miscarriage and had to go to a clinic. I assured him I went to a great doctor and that I was fine, at least physically, just needed to rest and I’d call him if I needed anything. He told me he’d call Saeyoung later and hung up.

Saeyoung: “What’d he say?”

Me: “Not much beyond Sorry for your loss and offering to pay for my medical expenses.”

Saeyoung: “At least he cared enough to call.”

Me: “That’s Jumin, he solves problems with money since he’s not great with feelings let alone woman’s troubles.”

Saeran: “Why not invite Zen over?”

Me: “I guess I could.”

Saeyoung: “Call him.”

Me: “Really?”

Saeyoung: “You could use a drinking buddy right now.”

Me: “Yeah. I could. Thanks.”

I called Zen, he was at his apartment and said he was about to go out for a run when he answered. I briefly explained what happened and he was in shock, after a moment of processing what I said he questioned me.

Me: “Can you just please come over?”

Zen: “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get there.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Zen: “No need to thank me. I’ll see you in a bit, ok?”

Me: “I’ll text you today’s password.”

Zen: “I hope it’s nothing weird.”

Me: “No promises.”

I told the twins that Zen was coming over so I sent them to the convenience store with a list. Once they left I got out of bed and sat on the sofa with a bottle of soju and drank while I waited for Zen. The twins didn’t take long and I heard Zen’s voice at the door talking to them.

Zen: “Is she really fine?”

Saeyoung: “She’s oh so FINE.”

Zen: “I’m serious Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung: “Sorry, I know. She’s fine on the outside but, a little fragile on the inside. A lot better than a few days ago though.”

I saw them walk in, their eyes found me and they smiled. I felt my face flush under their scrutiny.

Zen: “Starting without me?”

Me: “I guess. The boys were supposed to bring beer.”

Saeran: “We did, I’ll get you one.”

Zen sat with me on the sofa and Saeran handed him a beer.

Zen: “Thanks man.”

Saeran: “No problem.”

Zen: “You guys ok?”

Saeran: “We’re just happy she’s safe.”

Saeyoung: “Doctor said she’ll be fine.”

Zen: “Well, I guess, but, it was your loss too.”

Saeran: “We knew the risks.”

Saeyoung: “Of course we’re affected, but honestly, it’s been more painful watching her cry.”

Zen: “I can imagine.”

Saeran: “Not sure you can. She cried for over 2 hours when she found out she was pregnant.”

Zen: “Really? Wow. That’s… but, why?”

Me: “Yeah, because I knew I’d miscarry.”

I gave him the whole back-story so he could understand why I wasn’t excited about the pregnancy and then told him the current details of what happened at the clinic.

Zen: “That’s good news then.”

Me: “I suppose, it makes me feel better but it’s been a draining week.”

Saeran handed Zen another beer and took the soju bottle from my hands, we thanked him and kept talking.

Zen: “That’s obvious, of course you’d feel drained, you suffered a loss and thought you’d never be able to have kids. You want kids right?”  
Me: “Some day.”

Zen: “I don’t want to seem disrespectful but is there a way to tell who the father is if you’re pregnant?”

Saeyoung: “No, identical twins share the same DNA, so a paternity test wouldn't yield results.”

Saeran: “If we both have sex with her there’s no telling who impregnated her.”

Zen: “I’m a little sorry I asked.”

Me: “It’s ok. You made a valid question. The only way to be sure who the father is would be for me to have sex with only one of them during my ovulation cycle and if I get pregnant, well, that twin would be the biological father.”

Zen: “That makes sense.”

Me: “For now I just need to focus on the healing process. The emotional scars won’t let me be a mother any time soon.”

Zen: “Let’s talk about something else. How was Hong Kong? I saw the pictures in your social media.”

We talked about the trip, my family, and lastly, the wedding.

Zen: “Why haven’t you said anything yet?”

Me: “We wanted to wait for the date to be set and life’s been a little crazy these past 2 weeks.”

Zen: “Yeah, you’ve rarely logged into the messenger.”

Me: “Exactly. Been busy with work and then THIS mess happened.”

Zen: “So, your family is coming.”

Me: “Yeah, you’ll see them at the wedding.”

Zen: “It’s pretty cool they’re supportive.”

Me: “Yeah, I didn’t really know what to expect. My mom said the twins are really cute and that she can’t blame me for wanting both of them.”

Zen: “No way! That’s hilarious.”

Saeyoung: “Mama Mun said that? When?”

Me: “She told me in private.”

Saeran: “You’re mother is quite the character. I saw where your personality comes from.”

Saeyoung: “I think she’d prefer if MC married Saeran.”

Saeran: “Only because I helped Mama Mun to cook and clean.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter whose name is on the marriage certificate, I’m committed to the both of you.”

Zen: “Have you thought about how the ceremony is going to be?”

Me: “I’m undecided.”

Zen: “There’s time.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Saeran: “You staying over dinner?”

Zen: “Oh, I don’t want to intrude.”

Me: “Nonsense. Stay with us for dinner.”

Saeyoung: “You should try my brother’s cooking, it’s really good.”

Me: “I’m sure all you have is beer and water in your fridge.”

Zen: “You’re not wrong. Sure, thank you, I’d love to join you for dinner.”

Saeran nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. Zen talked about a role he auditioned for and eventually Saeran called us to the table. We ate dinner and Saeyoung talked about the toy designs he was working on and then chatted about going out together.

Me: “Thank you for coming over, your radiant face cheered me right up.”

Zen: “Hehe, I’m glad. You’ll be back to your usual self in no time.”

Me: “I hope so.”

Zen: “I know so. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Hang in there.”

I hugged him tightly and walked him to the door.

Zen: “Get some rest. You must be exhausted.”

Me: “Need my beauty sleep, right? I must look like shit.”

Zen: “You look tired, sleep well, ok?”

Me: “I’ll try. Text me when you get home.”

Zen: “I will.”

I walked to the bedroom while Saeyoung finished locking up the house. Talking with Zen felt like a weight being lifted off my chest. I’m glad Saeran suggested having him over. It’s important to talk to friends during difficult times and out of all my friends, Zen’s become my closest one. Ever since the twins are part of my life, Zen’s the only person I can talk to about them, albeit to a certain extent. It’s easy since he knows them and I don’t really stay in touch with old friends, the few I have either moved out of the country or got married. They all have their own lives but most of them I still see in social media, interactions have been reduced to a like or comment here and there. For that reason, I value Zen’s friendship, he’s very much like a brother. It’s like Mr. Park said, “It’s hard to find people you trust.”


	27. I saw God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC's article gets published and she shares with the twins something that happened during the interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is NSFW, there's smut. 
> 
> Finally got around to finish transcribing this chapter, I thought it'd be up sooner but I took my time during Thanksgiving to finish it. I've had a tough week at university and I've been coping with alcohol, like a responsible college student XD

Dear diary,

The issue of C&R Magazine with the article I wrote on Mr. Park is finally out. I’m pretty proud of myself. My editor loved it and told me I could write more interviews, she’d be happy to give me the byline. I guess I earned my stripes at work. I don’t want to compete with other reporters though, I know I’m more than capable and have the background to support me, but I’m happy where I am. Investigative reporting and interviews just aren’t my thing. At least the rumors about me at the main office have apparently turned to praise, so I heard. I’m not much into gossip and don’t let it affect me, but I’d rather be known for the work I do rather than the people I know. It should be known by now that when Jumin takes interest in a company project, he expects nothing less than perfection. It’s not easy being Jumin Han or Zen’s friend. In the past year I‘ve lost count of the times I’ve seen my picture with them in tabloids with sleazy headlines suggesting I’m dating them. When my hair was brown I was mistaken for Echo Girl a few times, she and I happen to be the same height and body type. There have been a few tabloids that have had to retract their stories, my favorite was “Jumin Han dating Echo Girl?”. It was hilarious because of the absurdity but mainly because the discussion about it in the chat was fun. Jumin’s calm demeanor typing words like “preposterous” and Zen making digs at him, it was very entertaining. It’s always fun to read their banter. Maybe if I get tired of my day job I could apply for Echo Girl’s body double, at least I’d be in the shadow of someone else, I hate the spotlight. I’m fine with it if it’s my name on something I wrote but not my picture. It’s become inevitable by now and I’m slowly adjusting to that. I can’t say I exude confidence but I’ve definitely had to “woman up” to face the different challenges that come my way. It all started with the last RFA party, my friends gave me the strength to stand tall and act like an important person, that’s when I realized how important my role is because honestly it seemed stupid to me. Something Yoosung said resonated with me, he talked about the happiness others feel when you help them and you feel happy in return. That’s why I wanted to speak with Mr. Park, I wanted to help the twins put their past behind them. I’m glad the last rumor about me as a bondage girl went away, that one was too close to the truth.

Yesterday I got a gift basket from my future father in law, thanking me for the article. It was sent to C&R Magazine so I went to the main office to pick it up. My bodyguards handled it beforehand to make sure it was safe, it’s nice to know they carry portable poison tests. The basket had a wine bottle, oranges, a flat gift box, and a letter. It read: [To Miss Mun, thank you for staying true to your word. During our short time together I was reminded of the value of friendship and family. For that reason, I wish for you to have this necklace, it belonged to my great grandmother and has been passed down to the women of my family on the day of their wedding. I have no daughters of my own but your fiancée is a fortunate man to marry someone as honest and passionate as you. I wish you all the best. - Mr. Park] To say I was in shock was an understatement. The fucking prime minister, current presidential candidate, gave me a family heirloom because I’m his future daughter in law, ok? I sent the twins a picture of the letter and basket, they couldn’t believe it either.

Saeyoung: [No way, I guess he liked you.]

[You gave him quite the impression for him to send that.]

Me: [Do I get to call him Dad now? Lololol]

Saeyoung: [If he wins, would it be President Dad?]

Me: [lolololol Is he Prime Dad now?]

Saeyoung: [Or Dad Minister?]

Me: [XD]

\----------------------------------------------------

Saeran: [What are the oranges for?]

Me: [It’s a Buddhist thing.]

Saeran: [Are they real pearls?]

Me: [I dunno, maybe Jumin can tell.]

Saeran: [I think my handwriting looks like his.]

Me: [Yeah, it sort of does.]

Saeran: [This is quite the achievement you’ve made. Maybe he’s gotten soft over the years.]

Me: [Or maybe I’m good at making people get in touch with their feelings.]

Saeran: [Maybe. I still wouldn't trust him. He’s a politician. He could be buttering you up for something.]

Me: [Maybe.]

Saeran: [How was the wine?]

Me: [Delicious.]

Saeran: [I’ll see you later.]

He picked me up as usual and when we got home I put the basket on the coffee table.

Saeyoung: “You’re pretty amazing, you know?”

Me: “I just do what I can. Did you read the article?”

Saeyoung: “I did.”

Me: “Online, right, still, here’s the magazine.”

I gave him my copy and the twins sat on the sofa to read it.

Saeran: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d actually vote for him.”

Saeyoung: “You did a wonderful job babe, no wonder he likes you, you made him look good.”

Me: “I wasn’t trying to make him look good. I prepared my questions and sent them before the interview, he was well rehearsed. Jumin wanted everything to go smoothly, no chance for error, and meticulously well executed.”

Saeyoung: “That’s the Jumin Han way.”

Me: “There’s something I forgot to mention that happened during the interview.”

Saeran: “And that would be?”

Me: “Jumin and I collected Mr. Park’s DNA sample and he had it sent to a lab for a paternity test.”

Saeyoung: “That means you collected our DNA sample as well.”

Saeran: “Without permission.”

Me: “Ummm, yes. A strand of hair to be exact.”

Saeran: “Sneaky sneaky.”

Me: “It’s not that hard, I just took it from the bed. You heard the recording. Jumin said we have proof. He was bluffing at the time, all we had to go on was your word. In case anything happens, now we DO have proof.”

Saeyoung: “You know, Vanderwood thinks you’ve got what it takes to be an agent.”

Me: “Not interested and you know it. How is he by the way?”

Saeyoung: “He’s fine. Grumpy as always. He’s excited about the wedding, said it gives him something to look forward to.”

Saeran: “Do you plan on giving us a copy of the paternity test?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll talk to Jumin. I was going to do that today but the gift basket threw me off.”

Saeyoung: “Should I dress as a woman, wear the necklace, and send him a picture of his ‘daughter’?”

Me: “He might die of shock.”

Saeran: “There’s an idea.”

Me: “No. Don’t ruin what little progress I’ve achieved. The idea is funny, you can do it for ME.”

Saeran: “Do you plan to wear it?”

Me: “I dunno, but, I’m keeping it.”

Saeyoung: “Food’s getting cold.”

We chatted long enough and went to the table, the food was lukewarm and not cold. Saeran talked about the painting he was working on, I took a look at it after dinner and gave him some recommendations, then I went to take a shower. When I stepped out of the bathroom I put on my robe and sat on the bed. I didn’t feel like doing anything and it was too early to go to sleep. My adorable fiancée broke my reverie.

Saeyoung: “You okay babe?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m fine, just tired. You?”

Saeyoung: “Happy that my father and I agree on something. I really am fortunate to marry someone as honest and passionate as you.”

Me: “Would you want to meet him?”

Saeyoung: “My father? In person? I, I, I, dunno.”

Me: “He sent me an email to the RFA address, I think he wants to go to the Christmas party. Jumin DID invite him, but we weren’t expecting him to be actually interested after I mentioned his illegitimate children are also RFA members. Maybe he kinda wants to see the 2 of you.”

Saeyoung: “There’s no telling what he really wants. It’s a charity party, it’ll look good for his campaign.”

Me: “True, but you didn’t see him, you only heard him. He might feel regretful, I saw a bit of sadness in his eyes.”

Saeyoung: “I suppose that’s a possibility. I think you might see the good in people but he’s still a dangerous person. Let me think about it and discuss it with my brother.”

Me: “Alright, I’ll wait for your answer before replying the email.”

Saeyoung: “I love you so much.”

He grabbed me by the shoulders and toppled me.

Me: “How much do you love me?”

Saeyoung: “From here to the stars.”

Me: “Let’s see the stars together.”

My robe had opened up when I fell back, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His hips hovered over mine, I moved my hands to massage his back until I reached his butt, squeezing his ass cheeks and lowering him to my pelvis for friction. Our tongues danced as he rocked himself against me, my hands going up and down his back, applying pressure with my palms and rubbing with my fingertips. Our lips parted and he lifted his torso, my arms slid off him and rested at my sides. He looked at me and smiled, I blew him a kiss and held out my arms to embrace him, I held him tight and felt him position his cock between my inner thighs, the tip inching closer to my wet entrance. He started to tease me by rubbing himself with my lips and against the clit. I wrapped my legs around his waist to pull him closer and he pushed himself inside me, I loosened my legs and spread them wide, angling my hips downward and upward depending on his pace. I searched for his mouth with mine until we locked lips, when I felt him reach my sweet spot, I wrapped my legs around him again and pulled him as he pushed, I felt my climax getting closer, I tugged his hair and scratched his scalp, we broke the kiss to breathe and I latched on his neck to sink my teeth into him, he mimicked my movements, when I felt his bite I moaned and orgasmed right at that moment. His thrusts grew slower and then harder until I felt his release. I let him go and he lied down beside me, it had been a while since the 2 of us had sex without Saeran. I can’t say it felt odd. I guess it’s normal to be with 1 or the other and both. It sounds weird but it’s like my mom said, some people have multiple partners and most of the time they don’t know about it. My situation is different, it’s like sister wives but opposite genders, brother husbands sounds odd for some reason. I cuddled up to him and he put an arm around me, kissing my cheek.

Saeyoung: “Did you see stars?”

Me: “Better, I saw God.”

He chuckled and ruffled my hair. I love his laugh, it gives me goosebumps and a bubbly sensation of happiness.

Saeyoung: “Good. I was starting to think one Choi wasn’t enough for you anymore.”

I slapped his shoulder.

Me: “Don’t be stupid, 2 isn’t always better than 1.”

Saeyoung: “You can be insatiable sometimes.”

Me: “But not always. You were perfect.”

He smiled and held me tighter. I kissed his chin and jawline, when my lips reached his hair I leaned towards his ear and whispered “There’s only one God Seven.” I licked the shell of his ear and said “He’s always welcome to this temple.”

Saeyoung: “You’re such a naughty little thing.”

Saeran: “I agree. I think she’s been a very bad girl and deserves to be punished.”

I sat up and saw Saeran walk into the bedroom.

Me: “I’m not a bad girl. Mischievous at best.”

Saeran: “Mischievous enough to do things behind our backs.”

Me: “I had a good reason and it wasn’t meant to be a secret.”

Saeran: “Everyone has an excuse for their actions.”

Me: “I did it for the both of you. For our safety.”

Saeran: “Always so selfless or was their another reason? A hidden motive perhaps.”

Me: “What other reason could I possibly have?”

Saeran: “How the fuck would I know?”

Me: “I want us to move forward, to do that we can’t be looking over our shoulder or hiding because there’s some ominous danger. All threats need to be neutralized.”

Saeran: “Is that what you did with me? I was a threat that needed to be neutralized?”

Me: “Do NOT twist my words and make it about you. All I’ve done is try to make things better.”

Saeran: “For yourself?”

Me: “Of course not, how egotistical do you think I am?”

Saeyoung: “Stop it. What’s gotten into you?”

Saeran: “Her.”

I was confused and didn’t know how to react.

Saeran: “If you wanted a DNA sample, you could’ve asked.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I knew you guys didn’t want me to pursue the prime minister.”

Saeyoung: “And you did so anyway.”

Saeran: “Apology not accepted. Come here.”

I was hesitant, he looked angry, I glanced towards Saeyoung.

Saeran: “He won’t save you from your punishment, princess. Now you’ll have to repent, on your knees.”

I did as he asked and got on my knees in front of him, he pulled out his dick and I opened my mouth to receive him.

Saeran: “Good girl.”

He grabbed a fistful of my hair as I sucked him, the harder he got, the deeper he forced himself down my throat until I was pretty much gagging and he pulled out. I caught my breath and coughed. He lifted me up and called Saeyoung. I wrapped my legs around Saeran and held on to him, he shoved himself up my pussy and began thrusting, Saeyoung pressed himself against my back and joined in, I screamed, I was silenced by Saeran when he swallowed my cries with his mouth and tongue, Saeyoung bit into my shoulder, my whimpers muffled but still heard. I wasn’t ready to take them both, so it was quite painful at first. In the heat of the moment I didn’t have time to process what was happening, my body reacted on its own. It wasn’t my first time being completely subjugated, I trust them not to hurt me so I didn’t resist. The pain mixed with pleasure and it became an intoxicating experience. Saeran broke the kiss and squeezed my throat, pounding me faster.

Saeran: “How about I fill you with our DNA since you want it so much.”

I felt dizzy until I reached an elated state, my body felt distant, like a fuzzy connection. I slowly gained back my senses, it was like floating underwater and drifting to the surface. The change was abrupt, muted sounds became clear and the last sense I regained was sight, I’m not sure if my eyes were closed or not, but when I tried to see it was blurry at first and then came into focus.

Saeyoung: “Oh God, we broke her this time.”

Me: “I’m fine.”

Saeran: “You were catatonic.”

Me: “I was… in ecstasy. You really did take me to paradise.”

Saeyoung: “Babe, really, poor choice of words.”

Saeran: “So much for punishment.”

I saw him smirk and I smiled.

Saeyoung: “You sure you’re ok? Lack of oxygen can cause brain damage.”

Me: “So do artificial sweeteners. I’m fine. I just need water.”

I was lying down, Saeyoung wet to get water and Saeran helped me sit up. I don’t remember how I got on the bed, Saeran whispered to take it easy and soon enough his brother came in with a glass of water, my throat was raspy, I gulped down the water and sighed.

Saeran: “Do you want a bath?”

Me: “Only if you’re in it.”

He chuckled and kissed my cheek, taking the glass from my hand.

Saeran: “As you wish, princess.”

Saeyoung got the bath started while Saeran carried me to the bathroom, they helped lower me in the bathtub and Saeran got in, Saeyoung left to to change the sheets.

Saeran: “You scared us for a minute.”

Me: “What happened?”

Saeran: “Your eyes rolled back and your body went limp.”

Me: “I was ummmm, submerged into a state of bliss. It was pretty intense. I barely felt my body but it tingled, it’s hard to describe. I’d never felt anything like it.”

Saeran: “You’re a real masochist.”

Me: “Yeah, and you’re a real sadist.”

Saeran: “We’re a match made in hell”

Saeyoung: “My home is now a house of perversion.”

Me: “Don’t say it like that. It sounds dirtier than it should be.”

Saeyoung: “It sounds exactly like it is.”

Me: “We’re all consenting adults, there’s nothing wrong with engaging in a little fun.”

Saeyoung: “You’re unbelievable. You’re going to put the FUN in funeral one of these days.”

Me: “Babe, I’m fine, nothing bad happened.”

Saeyoung: “This time.”

Saeran: “Relax bro. Care to join us?”

Saeyoung: “Relax? This was too close for comfort. You could’ve killed her.”

Saeran: “Me? Let me remind you, you’re just as guilty since you were also a participant so don’t be an idiot and blame me.”

Saeyoung: “You’re the one that choked her.”

Saeran: “Because she likes it.”

Me: “She wants the 2 of you to stop bickering, I was there and now I’m here, you fucked me senseless and I enjoyed it, stop worrying so much. There’s a tendency to romanticize sex but it’s supposed to be dirty and animalistic, humans are beasts that pretend to be otherwise.”

Saeran: “Listen to her, if she’s happy, shouldn’t you be too?”

Me: “Sinning is winning. Remember?”

Saeyoung: “I can’t believe you guys are being so lax about this.”

Saeran: “She’s suffered worse and she survived, if she’s not concerned why should we?”

Saeyoung: “Because we should take care of her, not break her any further.”

Me: “But you didn’t break me, you filled me with love and bliss.”

Saeyoung: “You’re impossible.”

Me: “But you love us anyway.”

Saeyoung: “Of course I do, there’s no doubt about that.”

Saeran: “But you’re not going to join us, are you?”

Saeyoung: “Not this time. I’ll shower in the other bathroom and try to get some work done afterwards. Enjoy your bath.”

Me: “Have it your way.”

I called him when he was on his way out and I puckered my lips, he came back to kiss me and then puckered his lips to Saeran.

Saeran: “I’m not kissing you.”

We laughed and Saeyoung left.

Saeran: “I’ll kiss YOU though.”

He was sitting with his legs stretched in the tub and I was sitting on top of him with my back leaning on his chest and stomach. He craned his neck to search for my lips and I turned slightly to correspond him, our tongues danced their familiar waltz, I shifted my body to face him, my legs scooting his between mine and my thighs over his. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled, pressing us closer, I broke the kiss to breathe and stared at his gorgeous face looking back at me with desire, panting to catch his breath, his hand slithered up my neck and he massaged my scalp with his fingertips. I returned the favor and continued the make out session, I felt him becoming stiff again, his erection poked my inner thighs, I angled my hips downward and sat on the tip of his cock, bouncing on it, he broke the kiss, grabbed his dick and slid it across my slit. I hissed and licked his cheek.

Me: “You’re taunting me.”

Saeran: “You like games.”

I bounced on his tip again and he slid it across but then backwards towards my wet entrance and started to rub in a circular motion, not quite penetrating but enough for the sensation to feel good I bounced slower and the tip went in and out with each bounce until I couldn’t take the teasing anymore and lowered myself completely, taking him in. Saeran drained the tub to avoid a splashing mess, I continued to ride him and then we stood when his ass was getting numb. He turned me around and pinned me to the wall to fuck me from behind, hitting my walls and gripping my waist just how I like it, his free hand finding my clit to play with. I was a whimpering mess in no time and squirted all over his hand. He pulled out of me and finished jerking off, placing my hand over his dick and cumming all over it.

Saeran: “Now we’re even.”

Me: “This is disgusting.”

Saeran: “Good thing we’re in the bathroom.”

He turned on the shower and we cleaned ourselves up.

Saeran: “That’s twice now.”

Me: “What is?”

Saeran: “You, ejaculating.”

Me: “Ah. Yeah. You’re right.”

Saeran: “Huh, wonder what triggers it.”

Me: “Your guess is as good as mine.”

We finished showering and I went to bed, didn’t bother putting on my robe or anything and covered myself with the sheet.

Saeran: “Are you a nudist now?”

Me: “No, I’m tired now.”

Saeran: “I’m good at undressing you, not the other way around.”

Me: “Good, ‘cause I don’t want any clothes.”

Saeran: “As you wish princess.”

He left the room and came back, took away the sheet and applied arnica gel and aloe on my wounds. I couldn’t cover myself with the sheet while the aloe and gel was freshly applied so I picked up my sketchbook and did some random drawings and finally went to sleep.


	28. Date night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC is determined to get out more, the twins and her spend too much time cooped up in the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer to finish writing because I've been busy with college and I haven't been feeling very well emotionally so I didn't want to deal with reading my fic and transcribing it. Couldn't deal with love and friendship when I feel mostly dead inside, some old wounds reopened to add to my already ongoing depression and well, I took a break from the Choi Bois to deal with my reality, but I'm doing better now and hope to continue posting chapters.

Dear diary,

The twins and I went on a date the other day. It takes a lot of effort to pry Saeyoung off his work and leave the house for several hours. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s agoraphobic, but that’s not the case. I think the twins don’t feel truly free yet. I know it’s better to be safe than sorry so we can’t let our guards down, but I refuse to let fear dictate how I should live my life. I’ve tried to make the house as cozy as I can since I’ve been living here but it’s still a bunker, no amount of Feng Shui is going to change that. Good thing I don’t care much for fancy living, I wouldn’t be surprised if the house survived a zombie apocalypse. Saeyoung is a practical man in some things and security is always his top priority. I always feel safe at home and that’s the important part.

When we were getting ready for our date he said it wasn’t necessary for my bodyguards to come, I didn’t argue, frankly I get tired of having to call them and schedule my trips so that they’re ready when I arrive. It was nice to have a normal day out, we drove around in the red car, stopped and had pizza, then went to the movies, ate popcorn and enjoyed a good film. It felt great to be in public without security escorts or fearing paparazzi. Usually when I’m tired of my daily routine I call Zen and we go out for drinks but I have to think of the boys too. We had so much fun going to places in Hong Kong, I reminded them that we should go out more often, just the 3 of us. In the spirit of that, Saeyoung invited Yoosung to Neon Bytes Arcade & Bar, the place I went with Zen and Saeran. We all went in my car so that we’d fit. The bouncer recognized Zen and me, gave us all VIP stamps, once inside Yoosung and Saeyoung were ecstatic, they couldn’t believe the games and stuff all around the place. Zen and I went to the game room to order a pitcher of beer. We waited for the rest of them to catch up, when they made it to where we were there was another round of awe, surprise, and excitement

Zen: “This is kinda like a guys night except you’re the only one that’s not a guys.”

Me: “True, but at least my alcohol tolerance is just as high as yours.”

Zen: “Haha. You’re right. I’m not sure if we should let Yoosung drink.”

Me: “Maybe a Jello shot or something. Saeran liked those, we can order some.”

Zen: “Sure, let’s do that later. Look at them, they’re like little kids.”

Me: “And that makes us what? The parental supervision?”

Zen: “Hahaha, we’re too young to be their parents but this is nice. Whoever came up with the concept of an adult arcade is a genius.”

Me: “I agree, I’m not much of a gamer but I used to play with my siblings and friends from school at the arcade in the mall.”

Zen: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, I was pretty badass at DDR, had a top score and everything.”

Zen: “Woah, I’ve played a few times with friends but I never spent much money on games, feeding myself was a higher priority.”

Me: “Well, that makes sense. Can’t blame you for that.”

Zen: “But these guys, it’s good to see them away from their computers.”

Me: “Well, there’s hardly that big of a difference, it’s basically changing one screen for another. But at least they’re out of the house and socializing with real people.”

Zen: “That’s what I mean, the socializing part. I mostly feel sorry for Yoosung, maybe if I bring him here enough times he could get a date with a girl that shares a hobby with him.”

Me: “I dunno Zen, you’d think a girl would fall for Yoosung with YOU nearby?”

Zen: “You fell for Saeyoung didn’t you? I’m sure Yoosung has his own charm.”

Me: “You’re right. There’s something adorable and innocent about Yoosung. Surely there’s someone that can find him attractive. He’s kind of cute.”

Zen: “Well yeah, he’s not bad looking.”

Saeran: “Who’s not bad looking?”

Me: “Yoosung.”

Saeran: “He’s sort of cute in a naive kind of way.”

Me: “That’s what we were talking about and what kind of girl would choose him over Zen if they came here regularly.”

Saeran: “A girl that’s not superficial. He could be gay, maybe he likes guys.”

Me: “I thought that too. He could be a twink.”

Zen: “What’s a twink?”

Me: “A gay man that has a small frame, skinny, boyish looking, basically how Yoosung looks like.”

Zen: “How do you know this?”

Me: “Internet.”

Saeran: “Same.”

Zen: “Gay or not, whoever he decides to date, I’ll cheer for him.”

Me: “Agreed.”

Yoosung came over to sit with us, pouting because Saeyoung beat him at Street Fighter, Saeran suggested we play Nintendo 64. I let the boys play and just sat there drinking my beer, watching them have fun. When Zen lost I took a turn. 3 pitchers of beer and some jello shots later, my words were slurring and couldn’t speak in whole sentences. I leaned on Saeyoung while playing Mario Kart and did horribly, that was my cue to stop playing. He gave his controller to Zen and finished the race for me.

Saeyoung: “Babe, you know you can’t drink and drive.”

Me: “It’s just a game.”

Saeyoung: “And you’re terrible at it.”

Me: “That’s because you’re a better driver than me.”

Saeyoung: “True, but you said it yourself, this is just a game. Can’t compare a controller to the fine workings of a car.”

Me: “You’re good with your hands.”

Zen stifled a laugh.

Me: “I might not be able to drink and drive but I can drink and dance. Bet you can’t beat me at that.”

Saeyoung: “Dancing? In your state? That’s hardly fair.”

Me: “I’d say it actually gives you a chance. You up for some DDR?”

Saeyoung: “Alright, I accept your challenge.”

Saeran: “My money is on HER.”

Zen: “I’m not a gambler but I don’t think Saeyoung stands a chance.”

Saeyoung: “That’s real encouraging you guys.”

Yoosung: “Didn’t she say she was a DDR expert?”

Saeran: “Yup.”

Yoosung: “But she’s really drunk.”

Saeran: “You’d be surprised at what she can do while shitfaced.”

I picked a simple track to warm up, got a perfect score and Saeyoung got an A. I let him pick the next track, it was Intermediate and I upped the difficulty on my side.

Saeyoung: “Don’t trip.”

Me: “You better keep up.”

I got an A and he got a B-. The boys were rooting for me.

Me: “You’re never gonna beat me. Time to watch the master.”

Saeyoung: “Is that so? Win or lose I’ll still love you babe. You make my heart race for all the right reasons.”

Me: “Ditto.”

I picked the fastest track on its normal difficulty level because it’s pretty hard and my legs were starting to ache. I knew I could do it though, as drunk as I was, an A- was not bad at all, Saeyoung got an F.

Saeyoung: “How can you move so fast while drunk? And the arrows were going at an inhuman pace.”

Me: “Experience my darling. Besides, it’s mostly muscle memory. I could dance this track backwards without looking at the screen back in the day.”

Yoosung: “No way, that’s amazing.”

Zen: “Impressive.”

I was dead tired by then, I sat on the couch next to Saeran and he put his arm around me.

Saeran: “Tire yourself out?”

Me: “Yeah.”

He kissed my forehead and ordered some water for me, Saeyoung sat by my other side.

Saeyoung: “Didn’t know you were such a good dancer.”

Me: “That hardly counts as dancing, it’s more like graceful stomping.”

Saeran: “It’s still dancing, you’re moving to the beat in coordination.”

Me: “I guess.”

Yoosung: “You think your high scores are still at that arcade?”

Me: “Not even sure the arcade is still there. Didn’t a bunch of them close a few years ago?”

Zen: “I think so, pretty much none are left.”

Me: “Got a new high score now.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, 606. Cute.”

Me: “I thought it was fitting.”

Saeran: “What were your initials on your other high scores?”

Me: “MCA”

Yoosung: “What does that stand for?”

Me: “Mun Chung Ae. That’s where my nickname MC comes from.”

Zen: “That’s pretty cool.”

Yoosung wanted to play one more round of Mario Kart but I looked like it was time to go home so Saeyoung picked the 50K race and I told Saeran to take my wallet and settle the bill. We got ready to leave, Saeyoung drove everyone home and I fell asleep in the car, don’t remember much what happened afterwards. I woke up in bed and it was morning, the twins weren’t in the room but figured where they went because of the smell of pancakes permeating the air. I was wearing my robe and got up to brush my teeth, made my way into the kitchen to see what they were up to. I greeted them with a kiss on the cheek

Saeyoung: “There’s my 606 to my 707. Did you sleep well? Are you hungover? Hungry? Both?”

Me: “Babe, stop, coffee first, please.”

Saeran: “It’s on the counter.”

Me: “Perfect.”

I sat at the table to drink my coffee and check my phone.

Me: “Did I drink charcoal pills last night?”

Saeran: “Yes, and half a liter of water.”

Me: “Huh. No wonder I feel fine.”

Saeran: “I’ve seen you get drunk enough times to notice your anti-hangover routine. I think you’re what people call a functioning alcoholic.”

Me: “Mmmm, no. A functioning alcoholic would be if I go to work drunk or drink at work and function normally or as close to normal.”

Saeyoung: “You danced pretty well last night, do you remember?”

Me: “I remember I beat you. In any case, I’m a responsible alcoholic or at least a smart one. I drink and have fun but do my best to avoid hangovers. It’s science, alcohol dehydrates the body, I stay hydrated to skip the hangover.”

Saeyoung: “What’s the charcoal for?”

Me: “To absorb poison and toxins, also to restore balance in the digestive system.”

Saeran: “Did you learn that in college?”

Me: “Yup, sure did.”

Saeran: “Figures.”

Saeyoung: “Wish our mother knew those things.”

Saeran: “She wasn’t very bright.”

Me: “Oh well, I’m sorry I remind you of her.”

Saeyoung: “You’re nothing like her.”

Saeran: “Aside from the fact you like alcohol, but it doesn’t compare. That woman was a train wreck. You keep yourself together.”

Me: “Well, I try.”

Saeyoung: “And there lies the difference.”

Me: “Ok, sometimes I feel self-conscious about my drinking because I don’t want you to think you fell in love with a woman like your mother.”

Saeran: “I’d never make her pancakes.”

I giggled.

Saeyoung: “You’re a fun drunk, she was NOT. You also happen to be the most patient and loving person I know.”

Me: “Alright, when we try to have a baby I won’t be able to drink for a long time so I better enjoy all the alcohol I can before I have to say goodbye to it.”

Saeyoung: “Definitely a responsible alcoholic.”

Me: “Can you imagine if we have twins? I wonder what the odds of that happening are.”

Saeyoung: “Not sure how common it is in our family, considering we don’t know much about them.”

Saeran: “You should ask our father.”

Me: “Don’t tempt me. I would if I had the chance.”

Saeran: “I don’t doubt it.”

Saeyoung: “If we had twins we could each take care of one while you work or rest.”

Me: “Awww, that sounds sweet. There’ll be enough time to contemplate these things. Right now it’s time for breakfast.”

Saeran: “If we share the same DNA, are both of us the dads?”

Me: “I guess, in terms of biological makeup. You’re not the same person though.”

Saeyoung: “2 dads are better than 1. Neither of us have to be the uncle. A father is more than 50% of the child’s genes, it’s who loves and raises it.”

Me: “Exactly. I think you’ll both make goods dads. You were so cute with my nieces and nephews.”

Saeran: “Never expected to be called Uncle before in my life.”

Saeyoung: “I agree with you brother.”

Me: “Just imagine the joy you’ll feel when you’re called father.”

Saeyoung: “That will be a magical moment.”

We finished eating breakfast and I went to the sofa to write in my journal. Saeran’s been next to me, drawing in his sketchbook for the past 20 minutes. He’s getting pretty good at it. He tends to furrow his brow and bite his lip when he’s concentrating. He’s so cute. We’re supposed to go grocery shopping but I don’t feel like going anywhere. I gotta make dinner though. Can’t slack off from the kitchen forever, especially on days I don’t work.


	29. Cyber Mau

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung has been working on a toy cat for months, finally it will be in stores.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I know, I wanted to write a bit about what Saeyoung had been working on. This is still part of the chapters I wrote when I didn't have electricity post hurricane Maria, I think I've transcribed a little more than half the chapters.

Dear diary,

Cyber Mau, the electronic cat has begun mass production, Saeyoung brought home one of the first prototypes yesterday and gave us the good news.

Saeran: “You stole it didn’t you?”

Saeyoung: “Can’t steal it if it’s mine.”

Me: “When will the dog one begin production?”

Saeyoung: “Next quarter.”

Me: “I’m so proud of you babe.”

Saeyoung: “Couldn’t have done it without you. You inspired all this.”

Me: “I’m always amazed by how your brain works.”

Saeran: “What are the color options?”

Saeyoung: “The cat will be available in black, white, grey, tan, orange, and tricolor. The dog was a little trickier, the board was undecided on the design, they didn’t want it to look like any specific breed but a few kind of liked the idea so I simplified the design. With a different color they’ll look different, it’s in the works.”

Me: “My adorable genius at work.”

Saeran: “When will it be available in stores?”

Saeyoung: “C&R department stores will have the exclusive starting next week and it will be in other stores in 2 or 3 weeks.”

Me: “That’s great babe, can’t wait to buy a few for my nieces and nephews.”

Saeyoung: “No need, I already sent them to your family.”

Me: “Awwww babe, that’s so sweet. Thank you. They’ll be so happy to receive a package from their uncle Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung: “They’re really sweet kids.”

Saeran: “Yeah, I didn’t think I liked kids until I met them. That trip was a real learning experience. Especially seeing you interact with your family.”

Me: “We might be separated by an ocean but my family has always been close. When we’re together it’s like always, the love is there.”

Saeran: “You’re really lucky to have grown up with that kind of love.”

Me: “It’s something I’ve learned to cherish and not take for granted. I haven’t always been so grateful.”

Saeyoung: “Ah yes, Mama Mun mentioned your teenage rebellion.”

Me: “My parents were pretty strict and I wanted more freedom. I knew they meant well. We all know I love getting myself into questionable situations.”

Saeyoung: “I once saw a t-shirt with a print that said “Bad decisions make good stories.” That should be your motto.”

Me: “Sounds like me.”

Saeran: “You should buy it.”

Me: “In my defense, those decisions got us here and I have no regrets.”

Saeyoung: “I’m not arguing, Lord knows I haven’t made the best decisions either.”

Saeran: “Damn straight.”

Me: “Yeah well, join the club. Nobody’s perfect. We make a good trio. We’re perfectly imperfect and complement each other.”

Saeran: “Well said.”

Saeyoung: “Like the Three Amigos.”

Me: “No. Stop.”

Saeran: “Shut the fuck up, idiot. Way to ruin the moment.”

Saeyoung: “Nobody appreciates the Disney classics.”

Me: “That’s not it babe. It’s the context.”

Saeyoung: “What about it?”

Me: “Nevermind.”

 

I’m really proud of Saeyoung’s accomplishments. The success of Cyber Mau is a small step towards his dream of opening a toy store and I wholeheartedly support him.


	30. Your biggest fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC receives a disturbing email and fears for her safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but it's meant to move the story along and tie up loose ends, I wanted the twins to work on some hacking and as much as you want to scrub something from the internet, it's not that easy. Just 7 more chapters to transcribe and I'll be done with what I wrote during my time without electricity and then I'll continue with the story.

Dear diary,

I received a disturbing email today from a disgruntled fa. It read “I know you’re the bondage girl. I have no idea how you managed to erase all traces of your videos but I’ll never forget your pretty little face covered in blood and cum. If I can’t have your old videos then I’ll just need to make new ones. Sincerely, your biggest fan.” I immediately forwarded it to the twins. I felt so disgusted. Why is it so hard to live a peaceful life without the past rearing its ugly head and coming back to haunt us? Even when he’s 6 feet underground, my ex manages to shatter any sense of security I’ve gained. I’ve never hated someone so much in my life, enough to curse him a thousand times after death. I think death was too good for him, torture would’ve been a suitable punishment for that asshole. But as always, it’s up to the living to pick up the pieces. I’m too tired to deal with this shit. Whenever I feel happy and safe, something happens that ruins the mood. Everything goes to shit, the crisis is averted, it all goes back normal, repeat. Fuuuuuuuuck, it’s maddening. I don’t know why there are people that have malicious intentions towards others without a valid reason. Is it karma? Did I do something in my past life or this one to deserve this? I don’t need the additional stress, my regular amount is overwhelming as it is, this just made things worse. For my safety, I told Jumin I’d be working from home until further notice. I don’t want to make myself visible or be an easy target for kidnapping. I don’t like to hide and I know the office is safe, but I feel safer at home where nobody can see me. The threat of being raped and recorded is not something I should dismiss so easily, no matter how many bodyguards I have. I’d be a fool to ignore a threat against my life. Hopefully the boys will track down my “fan” and have him apprehended or whatever. In the meantime, I’m confined to the house. Guess I can use this time to paint and teach Saeran some new techniques.


	31. One step forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC sells a painting and Saeran gets a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates but I'm trying to get at least one entry posted per week. You can always message me on my tumblr, same username as here and feel free to leave comments, I love reading opinions.

Dear diary,

I sold my first painting in years. I had sent Mrs. Kwan a picture of the finished oil on canvas and she posted it to her facebook page. Someone asked her if it was for sale and the person messaged me since I was tagged in the picture. To make sure the deal was legit I sent Saeran to Mrs. Kwan’s store to make the sale and told him to give half of the money to her. According to him she refused adamantly and he wasn’t going to argue with an old lady.

Saeran: “The buyer was disappointed she didn’t get to meet the artist but was satisfied with the painting, said the colors looked a lot more vibrant in person and that she was going to hang it in her office.”

Me: “Wow, I’m so honored.”

Saeran: “Mrs. Kwan was very proud of you and she sent you a new set of oil paints for your next project.”

Me: “Bless her kind heart. I wish she would’ve taken the money.”

Saeran: “She said seeing your paintings is payment enough.”

Me: “I can imagine her saying that. She always talked about the joy of painting when I worked with her.”

Saeran: “Does she paint?”

Me: “She still does but not like she used to due to severe arthritis in her hands. She was a skilled landscape painter until it became too painful for her to hold a brush. That’s when she explored with different styles to continue doing what she loves despite her handicap. You can see her gallery on her facebook page, there’s pictures of her old works and most recent. I truly admire her.”

Saeran: “I like her. I’m proud of you too.”

Me: “Thanks sweetie.”

Saeran: “She offered me a job.”

Me: “Oh really? What’d you say?”

Saeran: “I start Monday.”

Me: “Ayyyy Saeran-shin, that’s great! You’ll learn so much from her.”

Saeran: “You’re not backing out as my instructor though, right?”

Me: “Of course not, our deal is still on.”

Saeran: “There’s not much else I can teach you about LOLOL.”

Me: “If you say so. Either way, I’m happy to see you pursue an interest.”

Saeran: “I’m not sure about the job, I just felt like I couldn’t say no to her, she’s really nice.”

I stifled a laugh and kissed his cheek.

Me: “You’ll do fine. It’s just a part time job.”

Saeran: “Yeah, I’ve never thought about having one of those.”

Me: “I think it’ll be good for you.”

Saeran: “I remembered what you said about the importance of making your own money.”

Me: “Mama Mun is rarely wrong. Her life advice is always good.”

Saeran: “I came up blank when she asked what I wanted to do for a living. At least my brother is doing something and has a dream. My aspirations are non-existent.”

Me: “That’s ok, a lot of people don’t know what to do with their lives. You’re still very young, there’s plenty of time to figure out what direction to take. It’s good that you’re trying to find things you like. Eventually you’ll see what suits you the best. I didn’t always want to be a journalist, I loved writing so I studied Literature. I thought I wanted to be a novelist and adjusted my path as I went. Look at Yoosung, he’s not sure if he wants to continue his major. Is animal sciences right for him? Only he can decide. You get to choose what you want to do. Nobody can dictate how you want to live your life anymore.”

Saeran: “Except my brother.”

Me: “Saeyoung only wants to protect you, whatever he tells you is for your own safety because he’s the same way with me.”

Saeran: “It hasn’t been easy.”

Me: “It’s been a year since we saved you from Rika. She’s getting the help she needs and you’re slowly recuperating as well. We’re here for you. You’re your own person now and as normal as can be. I’m a little crazy myself so I think you’re ok.”

Saeran: “You’re a terrible judge of character. I don’t know why they let you pick the RFA party guests.”

Me: “Eh, I dunno. My charisma?”

Saeran: “Probably.”

Me: “Does your brother know you got a job?”

Saeran: “Yes. He’s the one that told me to say yes. I texted him from the store.”

Me: “I’m so excited. Look at you, fitting in with society.”

Saeran: “I’m doing this for you.”

Me: “Oh sweetie, don’t do it for ME. Do it because you want to, because you feel like doing something else than being at home.”

Saeran: “I guess.”

Me: “We all start somewhere. Some people spend their whole lives finding their purpose. You have plenty of time to figure yourself out, there’s no hurry. I love you no matter what you want to do. I just want you to be happy.”

Saeran: “What if torturing and killing people makes me happy?”

I arched my eyebrow.

Saeran: “I’m kidding. YOU make me happy.”

Me: “Don’t joke with that stuff, it’s not funny, considering your history.”

Saeran: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist, your face was amusing to look at.”

I rolled my eyes and slapped his shoulder.

Me: “Whatever. Now you need to find something that fulfills you.”

Saeran: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Find something that makes you feel accomplished. Like when I write an article and it gets published or when Zen does a musical, stuff like that.”

Saeran: “Ok, I see what you mean. I felt like that when you played the game I made.”

Me: “Really? Maybe you should make a game like for Steam or mobile, that way tons of people can play your game.”

Saeran: “Not a bad idea. Can’t be the same game though.”

Me: “Make a new one. You can do it. You’re super talented and great with computers and if you need help with the graphics you can count on my help.”

Saeran: “I’ll think about it.”

Me: “I can be your official game tester.”

He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

Saeran: “I love you so much.”

Me: “I love you too Saeran-shin.”

I’m so proud of him. I have a feeling things will get better. His recovery has been quite a journey and I’m happy to see him acclimate to the people and world around him. I’m truly looking forward to the things that are yet to come. The RFA Christmas party is in a few weeks and my wedding is months away. I’m finally relaxed enough to handle everything again ever since the creep that threatened me was “taken care of”. I didn’t ask for details, Saeyoung had his serious face when he delivered the news. I was glad I could finally leave the house without bodyguards. My life is like a roller-coaster, full of ups and downs, twists and turns, but one hell of a ride.


	32. The proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC asks Saeran to marry her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to keep posting once a week, here's a new chapter. Didn't feel like doing homework and worked on this instead, lol. Happy Holidays and New Year.

Dear diary,

Saeyoung wants to wear a wedding dress to the ceremony. I’m still unsure how serious he is but if he really wants to, I’m willing to accommodate him. I’ve been thinking a lot about the wedding. When I got engaged I had no idea I’d be in a serious relationship with both brothers. I always try to treat them equal but I can’t marry them both, at least not legally. I don’t want Saeran to feel less important in my eyes so I spoke to Saeyoung about it and we discussed the possibility of getting the marriage certificate at the courthouse and doing whatever we want for the ceremony. After hearing 5 ridiculous ideas he tried to pitch I told him to stop.

Me: “Babe, I’m not wearing a cosmonaut suit. Listen, even if it’s symbolic, I think it’ll mean a lot if we do it this way. It doesn’t seem fair for him to watch us get married when he’s just as important to me as you are. We have to make this work in a sensible way.”

Saeyoung: “I know. Your family will be there and all our friends as witnesses to our love.”

Me: “Exactly. We have to talk to him.”

Saeyoung: “How? Are you going to propose to him? I’m taking a picture if you do, I want to see my little brother’s cheeks flush and have a keepsake of that special moment.”

Me: “What? No. Should I?”

Saeyoung: “If you want to marry him you should propose.”

Me: “To make it seem legit?”

Saeyoung: “Not SEEM, remember, a paper is a paper, actions are what count. You know he doesn’t care much for words. This is about showing your love for us and that you really mean it to be equal.”

Me: “True. Alright. I’ll propose when he gets back from work.”

Saeyoung: “It’s so odd not seeing him here and thinking he’s at work.”

Me: “Miss him?”

Saeyoung: “Yeah. I got used to having him around the house all day. I know it’s just 4 hours but the house seems emptier without him.”

Me: “You’ll get used to it.”

Saeyoung: “I know. This is good for him. I’m proud.”

Me: “How does it feel to see your little brother grow up into a working man?”

Saeyoung: “Honestly? Liberating.”

Me: “How so?”

Saeyoung: “A year ago he wanted to die, but he found a reason for living. You have to remember he never thought he’d live to be old enough to be an adult or have a normal life when we were kids. Our life may not be normal but it’s as normal as it can be under the circumstances. It’s liberating because I feel like he’s finally free from the burdens of his past or at the very least, moving on.”

Me: “He didn’t just want to die. He wanted to kill you too. It was a difficult time for all of us.”

Saeyoung: “Seems like a lifetime ago doesn’t it?”

Me: “Sometimes.”

Saeyoung: “Do you still get nightmares?”

Me: “Not as much as before. It helps to wake up with the 2 of you.”

Saeyoung: “I’m glad.”

We had lunch and waited for Saeran in the living room while watching TV. When he got home, he hung the keys on the wall and plopped himself on the sofa right next to me. I got up and sat on his lap, facing him and put my arms around his neck. He smirked and raised an eyebrow while pulling me closer for a kiss.

Me: “Welcome home sweetie.”

He looked a little taken aback but smiled warmly at my words.

Saeran: “Did you miss me, princess?”

Me: “I did.”

I grabbed his right hand and placed mine over his, lifting it to my lips with my free hand and kissed his ring finger.

Me: “Will you marry me?”

His eyes widened and then he stared at Saeyoung.

Saeran: “How?”

Saeyoung: “Marriage certificates are just a piece of paper.”

Me: “I’m committed to the both of you. I want you as my husband.”

Saeyoung: “And I’ll be your wife, I’ll wear a beautiful gown and Saeran will be your groom.”

Saeran: “He’s kidding, right?”

Me: “Tough to say, but he’s right about you being my groom. What do you say? Will you accept me as your wife?”

He cupped my cheeks and kissed me.

Saeran: “Yes, I accept you as my bride, even if my brother wants to be yours.”

Saeyoung: “Really? Because I think strapless dresses look good on me.”

Me: “I beg to differ. Your shoulders are too broad.”

Saeyoung: “I’ll wear a corset to have a waist.”

Me: “No. That’ll make your shoulders looks broader.”

Saeyoung winked and smiled at his smartphone as he tapped on it.

Me: “Did you take the picture?”

Saeyoung: “Yes! I’m posting it to the messenger.”

Saeran: “What picture?”

Saeyoung: “Of her proposing to you.”

Saeran: “Ugh, why are you posting it? Idiot.”

Saeyoung shrugged his shoulders and hummed a tune. I kissed Saeran to draw his attention to me and licked his cheek.

Me: “I’m your fiancée now. How do you want to celebrate?”

Saeran: “I think I’ll have some wine.”

Me: “Woohoo! I’ll drink to that!”

Saeyoung: “You’ll drink to anything.”

Me: “True. I don’t need any encouragement.”

Saeran: “Let’s order sushi for dinner.”

Saeyoung: “A platter?”

Saeran: “Yeah.”

Saeyoung: “Sounds good, I’ll call.”

I got up to walk towards the kitchen and stopped midway to ask Saeyoung if I should get him a glass as well.

Saeyoung: “Sure, why not? We’re celebrating, right? My brother just got engaged.”

Saeran: “Bizarre, isn’t it?

Me: “Why?”

Saeran: “Because I’m engaged to the same woman as my brother.”

Me: “Nothing has changed between us. A title holds little value. What matters is our love and commitment. You’ve been sharing long enough.”

Saeran: “True. Plenty of people lie and cheat the people they claim to love, married or not.”

Me: “Right, like Chairman Han, that man changes women like he does underwear.”

Saeyoung: “And how would you know how often he changes underwear?”

Me: “Ew babe, it’s just an expression.”

Saeran: “You’d think he’d know by now what a goldigger looks like.”

Me: “He’s clearly blinded easily by lust. I feel sorry for Jumin.”

Saeran: “Why?”

Me: “His father’s love life ruined the concept of dating for him. He has no trust in women because he thinks they’re all after his money.”

Saeran: “Maybe he’s gay.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t think he is.”

Me: “’Cause your gaydar says he isn’t?”

Saeyoung: “Precisely. My gaydar happens to be pretty accurate.”

Saeran: “Is that one of your stupid inventions? A radar that measures gayness? Did you really invent one?”

Saeyoung: “Mmmmm, if I’m being completely honest, I tried once, but we’re referring to my intuition and investigative skills.”

Saeran: “Is Yoosung gay?”

Saeyoung: “I think he’s bicurious. He’s definitely attracted to women but I think he’d be willing to experiment with same sex.”

Me: “Did you find gay porn in his history?”

Saeyoung: “Me? Check Yoosung’s browser history? I’m offended.”

Saeran: “By what? The truth? You definitely saw gay porn in his browser history.”

Me: “Right, stupid question.”

Saeran: “How about Zen.”

Saeyoung: “Straight.”

Me: “And Jaehee?”

Saeyoung: “Either bi or lesbian.”

Me: “Really?”

Saeyoung: “Pretty sure.”

Saeran: “And you?”

Saeyoung: “Mmmmm. Pan.”

Saeran: “And what’s that?”

Me: “Pansexual means attraction to a person of any sex or gender.”

Saeran: “Huh. Interesting.”

Me: “I always thought I was bi but I’ve never met or felt attracted to anyone that doesn’t fit the standard gender.”

Saeyoung: “You might be pan, but at least you know you’re bi.”

Me: “Yeah, I really loved my best friend.”

Saeran: “The one you had a threesome with?”

Me: “That would be her, yes.”

Saeran: “Which kind of threesome do you prefer?”

Me: “They’re different and it’s not the same when you don’t love the person. I have to choose love over anything so I guess devil’s threeway since I’ve only done that with you guys. Nobody has ever made me feel like you do.”

Saeran: “That’s because nobody has ever loved you like we do.”

Me: “That too.”

He took my empty glass wine and placed it on the coffee table.

Me: “How was work?”

Saeran: “My feet hurt.”

Me: “I should get you new shoes. Comfy ones.”

Saeran: “My feet will appreciate it.”

Me: “Did she make you move a lot of things?”

Saeran: “Yup.”

Me: “Poor baby, you want a massage?”

Saeran: “That sounds nice.”

Me: “C’mon, follow me.”

I got off of him, drinking the last of the wine and walked to the bedroom. He sat on the bed and I took off his shirt with his help. He lied down, resting his head on the pillow with his back in plain view. I poured a little bit of oil on his ribs from a bottle I had on the nightstand. I slowly spread it around, kneading the flesh with my knuckles. I heard Saeyoung go to his workroom. I sighed and took off my robe, climbing on his back to press my chest against him, rubbing myself around and massaging his arms with my hands. He flipped himself over without toppling me and grabbed my butt, pressing me down on his pelvis, he moved his hands up my back and I wiggled, feeling tickled.

Saeran: “You’re a naughty little kitty.”

I meowed in response, earning a smirk from him. I lowered my face close to his and bit the lower lip, he growled and kissed me hungrily pulling off his clothes, I felt the tip of his erection graze my thigh, once he was naked he proceeded to tease my wet entrance with his cock. I tried to lower myself but he’d pull away every time. I grew desperate and whimpered, he grabbed my ass cheek and slammed me down, I broke the kiss to gasp, he grabbed my other cheek and pounded me. When I tried to lift myself he held me in a tight embrace.

Saeran: “You really love me.”

Me: “You know I do.”

Saeran: “As much as him.”

Me: “Yes.”

I crashed my lips with his and he deepened the kiss, I rocked my hips and felt him reach my sweet spot, I spread my legs a little wider and moaned into his mouth, he thrust faster, lowering his hands to my butt to press me down for friction, he climaxed first and I found my release as he twitched inside of me. We broke the kiss to gasp for air. I licked his cheek and slid to the side, lying on my back next to him.

Saeran: “You like to lick me.”

Me: “I do.”

Saeran: “You don’t lick my brother.”

Me: “Not his face, I think. Do you not like it?”

Saeran: “I do like it. I was just wondering why.”

Me: “Oh. I call you sweetie ‘cause you’re sweet like ice cream so I lick you. It sounds stupid when I say it out loud.”

Saeran: “It’s not stupid at all, it’s cute.”

Me: “I call Saeyoung babe ‘cause he calls me babe but I also call him honey because of his eyes, they remind me of honey.”

Saeran: “You’ve called me honey.”

Me: “True, it’s also sweet and I’ve called you that when your brother isn’t around. It’s easier to call you by name when you’re both in the room.”

Saeran: “I appreciate it that you treat me and my brother equally but as

individuals.”

Me: “I know you’re not the same so I my best to act accordingly.”

Saeran: “You’re perfect.”

Me: “I do what I can.”

Saeran: “Do you really think Saeyoung wants to be the bride?”

Me: “I honestly don’t know. As long as the 3 of us are at the altar, it doesn’t matter if he’s my bride or groom.”

Saeran: “You’re really serious about this.”

Me: “Of course I am. I love you and can’t imagine a life without you in it. A lot of people decide to marry when they feel that way about someone. This is a logical step in our relationship. It’ll be symbolic but just as valid.”

Saeran: “You don’t need to do this for me.”

Me: “It’s for the both of us. You don’t have to marry me if you don’t want to, if you prefer a non-exclusive relationship we can talk about it.”

Saeran: “I don’t want that. I already agreed to be your husband.”

Me: “Ok then hubby, let’s see if my wifey ordered dinner.”

I put on my robe and went to the work room.

Me: “Babe, did you order dinner?”

Saeyoung: “Did you work up an appetite?”

Me: “Ummmmm yes, don’t answer a question with another question.”

Saeyoung: “I haven’t called yet, I forgot, are you wearing perfume?”

Me: “Sure if that’s what massage oil and sex smells like.”

Saeyoung: “I’m sorry I asked. Is Saeran hungry?”

Me: “I think so, he’s the one that told you what to order.”

Saeyoung: “Go shower, I’ll have dinner ready.”

Me: “K, thanks babe.”

I kissed his cheek and he slapped my ass as I left the the work room.

Saeran: “Did he order dinner?”

Me: “No, but he will soon, let’s take a shower while we wait.”

Thanks to the oil we were a bit slippery and ended up making out and fucking against the wall.

Saeran: “Can’t get enough of me?”

Me: “Once I start it’s hard to stop.”

His chest was pressed against my back, pinning me to the wall, he gripped my neck with his left hand and played with my clit with his right one as he pounded me against the wall, each thrust harder than the last, he felt my walls tighten around his cock, he loosened his grip around my throat and bit my shoulder. I cried in pain and he bit harder, breaking the skin, he gripped my throat again and I rode my orgasm while I felt his, he let go of my neck and clit to embrace me and lick my wound.

Saeran: “I enjoy licking you too.”

Me: Mmmmmm, I know. I like it.”

We finished showering and went to the dinner table.

Me: “Where’s dinner?”

Saeyoung: “I’m staring at it.”

Me: “Funny.”

Saeyoung: “I’m serious.”

Me: “Right.”

Saeyoung: “Take off your robe and lie down on the sofa.”

Me: “Uh, sure.”

I did as he asked.

Saeyoung: “Close your eyes.”

Me: “What are you going to do?”

Saeyoung: “Play a game. You love those, don’t you?”

Me: “Only when I know the rules.”

Saeyoung: “No rules for this one, just relax and trust us.”

Me: “Fine.”

I closed my eyes and heard them go to the kitchen. When they came back they started to put the sushi pieces on my body. I was giggling because it tickled and they’d tell me to hold still. They started to eat off of me and feed me with their mouths. They bit, licked, and sucked my flesh with every bite, nipples, ribs, belly, thighs, shoulders, arms, etc. I opened my eyes to see them devouring me and feeding me. I bit Saeran’s lip when I opened my mouth to take the sashimi.

Saeran: “Hungry for me?”

I nodded while I chewed.

Saeran: “Want some Choisauce?”

I stifled a laugh, nodded, and finished swallowing the piece.

Me: “Not here, let’s go to the bed.”

Saeran: “As you wish, princess.”

Saeyoung picked me up and carried my body to the bed. He rested himself between my legs and put his tongue to work around my labia, then Saeran came in already naked and climbed over me, hovering over my chest, he kneeled on either side of my ribcage, to sit on the air and lower his pelvis, grabbing my breasts and fitting his erection between them, rocking himself to rub his dick with my boobs. Saeyoung was determined to make me cum with his mouth. When the pleasure was reaching its apex, I arched my back and moaned, then Saeran drove his hard cock into my mouth, my mewls and whimpers muffled by him as I rode my orgasm. It wasn’t long before Saeyoung had lifted my legs and started to fuck me mercilessly. Saeran held my head steady while he fucked my mouth, when he was ready to cum, he pulled out and cummed on my face.

Me: “You better fucking clean that.”

Saeran: “It’s been a while since your last facial.”

Me: “Why don’t you lick it off my face?”

Saeran: “I could.”

Saeyoung: “It’s a good look. Leave it.”

Saeran: “Have to agree with him.”

Me: “Your both disgusting.”

Saeran got off me to join his brother in fucking me.

Saeyoung: “Yet, you still want to marry us?”

I wiped off as much cum as I could with my hands and did a sit-up to wipe it off on Saeyoung’s chest.

Saeyoung: “Now look who’s disgusting.”

I laughed pretty hard and Saeran too.

Me: “Well I think it’s a good look on you.”

Saeran: “I’m not sure if I can laugh and fuck at the same time.”

Saeyoung: “You can’t laugh if you can’t breathe.”

He had his serious face on while he lowered my legs towards me, leaning closer and gripping my neck with his left hand, his thrusts slowing down, and Saeran’s quickening. I closed my eyes and let the sensations wash over me. Saeyoung pulled out and slipped into anal, a new wave of pain and pleasure coursing through me. My eyes shot open when Saeran bit my thigh really hard. My cry caught in my throat by Saeyoung’s choke-hold. He let go of my neck and they flipped me over to take turns slapping my ass. My legs were spread open with my knees on the bed, slightly raising my ass up while they pounded me. Saeyoung gripped my hair in his fist and pulled out to cum on my lower back. He wiped it off with his hand and smeared Saeran’s chest with it.

Saeyoung: “Now we’re cum brothers.”

I looked over my shoulder and giggled.

Saeran: “Am I supposed to be disgusted? Your cum is the same as mine.”

Saeyoung: “What a mess.”

Saeran: “Hold that thought.”

I climaxed and Saeran pulled out to flip me over and jerk himself with my chest and cum over my breasts. I wiped some of it with my hand and smeared it on Saeran’s face.

Me: “Looks good on you.”

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me, deepening the kiss and started to finger me. I was so wet it was easy for him to rub my clit with his palm while his fingers curled inside me. I knew what he was trying to do, and when I squirted, he smeared it over my breasts and face. He licked my cheek and kissed me

Saeran: “Now this, is a fucking mess.”

Me: “A hot and steamy mess.”

Saeyoung: “Let’s just shower and clean this later.”

Me: “Seconded.”

Saeran: “Motion passed.”

We got ourselves cleaned up and did the laundry together, making jokes along the way. I think it was the most fun sex we’ve ever had.


	33. PAINting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC has an idea of making a large painting using their bodies instead of brushes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new update appears. Sorry for the hiatus, finally done with the extended semester and have more time for transcribing. Only 4 more chapters to go. If there's anything you'd like to see happen that fits the story, let me know.

Dear diary,

My last entry gave me an idea for a painting so I asked Saeran to prep a large piece of canvas fabric of about 218cm x 152cm and to buy a list of acrylics I gave him.

Saeran: “That’s really big. What are you going to do?”

Me: “You’ll see. Bring it home when it’s ready, unmounted.”

Saeran: “How are you going to paint without a support?”

Me: “The floor of course. Just trust me. There’s enough space in the living room if we move the furniture.”

Saeran: “Alright, if you say so.”

Me: “Mrs. Kwan will show you how to prime the fabric. 3 coats will do.”

Saeran: “You would know, you’re the artist.”

Me: “You’re quite the artist yourself. Don’t forget that.”

Saeran: “I have no formal training but, excellent teachers.”

I kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair.

Me: “See you later sweetie.”

He kissed me and I got off the car to head towards work. I knew the prepping would take longer than a day due to the size. I could already imagine Saeran cursing me for requesting such a big canvas, but it’s ok because I gave him a good back massage when we got back from work. He said it’d be ready the next day so I moved the furniture with Saeyoung and gave him instructions on how to prep the walls and floor for painting so that it would be easier to clean and avoid staining anything. He was dubious about my intentions.

Saeyoung: “But, what are you going to do?”

Me: “A large format painting. I’m going to use the floor but it’s best to cover the walls as well, all the paint slinging might get messy.”

Saeran: “You’re gonna do something abstract?”

Me: “You’ll see for yourself.”

Saeyoung: “Gonna listen to the canvas?”

Me: “No, I’m going to try something different. Stop trying to guess, you’ll see it once it’s all set up.”

Keeping the element of surprise is always a hassle with them, but sure enough, the day came when Saeran brought the prepped canvas. I rolled it open over the floor. It looked so big by my small feet but it was perfect for what I had in mind, I was smirking with satisfaction when Saeyoung entered the living room. I heard him gasp and I quickly looked up at his shocked face.

Saeyoung: “Babe, that thing is huge, What are you going to do? Cover yourself with paint and roll around on it?”

Me: “That’s exactly what we’re going to do.”

Saeran: “We?”

Me: “Yes, we’re going to cover ourselves with paint and make a huge colorful mess on this large canvas.”

Saeyoung: “You’re kidding, right?”

Saeran: “She looks serious.”

Me: “We’ll make love and art at the same time using our bodies and it will be beautiful.”

Saeran: “Let me get this straight, you want to have sex, covered in paint, on the floor?”

Me: “Precisely.”

Saeyoung: “What about your ‘No hard surfaces’ rule?”

Me: “This will be an exception.”

Saeran: “For the sake of art.”

Me: “Right.”

Saeyoung: “You’re crazy and I love that about you but that sounds incredibly messy.”

Me: “Don’t think, just feel.”

I took off my robe and opened a few tubes of acrylic and a couple of craft paint bottles. I walked towards the middle of the canvas and looked at them. “Paint me.” I said. They stared at me in disbelief and then at each other. Saeran shrugged his shoulders and took his clothes off, his brother followed suit. I clapped my hands in excitement. “Let’s make a colorful mess this time.” Saeran uttered with a wink. They each took a tube, covered their hands with paint and started to apply the color to my skin, Saeyoung had forest green and Saeran, canary yellow.

I took a bottle of vermilion red and poured it over their arms. We all took turns taking different colors and using our fingers to apply and smear the paint over the skin. “This is like finger painting but for adults.” Saeyoung mused. The canvas had started to receive splatters of paint here and there. A smile spread across my lips. I grabbed their dicks and started pumping. Our faces at that point were still mostly unmarred. I bit Saeran’s lip and nuzzled Saeyoung’s face with my nose. Once they were hard enough I lied down sideways and they dropped to the floor with me, embracing my body. Whenever I could, I’d grab more paint and sling it over us. Saeran pressed himself to my chest and Saeyoung to my back, both pushing themselves against me, finding the entrance to my wet pussy. My right leg was lifted over Saeran’s hip, we stayed in that position and then I got on top of Saeran with Saeyoung crouched over me. I could see our handprints showing up on the canvas. I rocked my hips harder to grind against them, feeling an orgasm edging closer. We switched positions, Saeyoung lightly lifted me and we flipped, his back was pressed to the floor, I was on top of him and Saeran against my back. It was a little complicated not getting any paint on our genitals but I had baby wipes nearby to use when needed. It really was a beautiful mess, the assortment of colors and patterns on our skin, the way the paint cracked as it dried on the flesh, and the variety of shapes transferred to the canvas. It was quite the experience. We rolled around the floor, applying layer after layer of paint over each other, marking the canvas in the process with every movement. Our back and knees hurt, we all took turns getting pounded on the floor, at some point we stopped fucking, we were exhausted and blissed out, lying on the floor chuckling.

Me: “This was a lot more fun than I thought.”

Saeyoung: “What do you plan on doing with this?”

Me: “Hang it on the wall.”

Saeran: “Which wall?”

Me: “I dunno. Right here in the living room.”

Saeyoung: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, why not?”

Saeyoung: “It’s huge, anyone that comes in, it’ll be the first thing they’ll see.”

Me: “Babe, we rarely have visitors.”

Saeran: “True. Usually it’s just Yoosung or Zen.”

Me: “Nobody has to know how we made it.”

Saeyoung: “I guess it makes a good conversation piece.”

Me: “That’s the spirit.”

Saeran: “Let’s finish it and clean up.”

Me: “I don’t think it’ll be finished in one session, let’s continue tomorrow or another day. My coccyx needs a break. There’s no hurry. A painting this big should be worked in stages.”

Saeyoung: “How many more stages do you think are needed until it’s done?’

Me: “There’s no plan, we should let the paint dry and look at it to see if it need more work.”

2 more sessions later, each 3 days apart, I finally was happy with the results. It truly was a painful undertaking, fucking on the floor is bad enough but over dried paint on canvas? Killer on the knees and back. We all had scratches and lacerations from the texture. We literally put our backs into it, getting all bruised and battered during the process, but it was fun, it really was kinda like fingerpainting for adults. Saeyoung even tried to paint with his dick, using his erection like a brush, it was hilarious watching them attempt “cock painting”. I had a fit of giggles, I had told them about Prickasso and they wanted to give it a try. The painting as a whole turned out wonderful though. It looked very Abstract Expressionist. Once it was completely dry, we all signed it and Saeran took it with him to work to get it stretched and mounted. I was excited to see it when I got home from work, we hung it up on the living room wall.

Me: “A job well done.”

Saeran: “It’s perfect.”

Saeyoung: “Almost shattered my kneecaps while we did it, but the finished product does look beautiful.”

Me: “It’s a visual representation of our love.”

Saeyoung: “You mean perversion.”

Saeran: “You make it sound so dirty.”

Me: “Don’t soil our lovemaking.”

Saeyoung: “We painstakingly soiled that canvas with our lovemaking.”

Saeran: “You always ruin the mood.”

Saeyoung: “What? I’m not saying anything out of the ordinary.”

Saeran: “That’s because you’re an extraordinary idiot.”

Me: “Enough. Let’s give it a name. This is our creation. Product of our love and passion.”

Saeyoung: “Our colorful baby. How about Sexplosion? Colorful release? Threesome? 33? Sex a la 3? Trois? San?”

Me: “Stop. No. None of those.”

Saeran: “3x3? Color triad? Lovemaking?”

Me: “Too literal.”

Saeyoung: “Art glitch? Hackergasm? Paintgasm?”

Me: “Terrible. All of them. But the hackergasm idea made me think of something.”

Saeran: “Like what?”

Me: “Something simple like Value=3. You know, like a string of code.”

Saeran: “I like it.”

Saeyoung: “That’s pretty smart.”

Me: “Motion passed. Value=3 it is.”

Saeran: “It’s perfect.”

Saeyoung: “My back will never forget the 3 times we were on that thing.”

Saeran: “Neither will mine.”

Me: “Or my coccyx, thank you. But you know, you can’t spell painting without pain.”

Saeyoung: “That’s a terrible joke.”

Saeran: “I think it’s funny.”

Me: “At least one of you appreciates my humor.”

Saeyoung: “Well, neither of you appreciate mine.”

Me: “That’s not true.”

Saeran: “Don’t make this about you.”

I slapped Saeyoung’s butt.

Me: “Let’s order pizza.”

Saeran: “Sounds good to me.”

Saeyoung: “I’ll call.”

I snapped a picture of the living room and then logged into the messenger.

Zen: Did you finish the painting?

Me: We did.

[photo]

[Yoosung surprised emoji]

Yoosung: Wow, it’s huge!

Zen: I knew it was big from the picture last week but seeing it on the wall is something else.

Jumin: It’s very impressive.

Jaehee: And the 3 of you painted it?

Me: Yeah, we had a lot of fun doing it. It’s a visual representation of our love.

Jumin: I see.

[Saeyoung entered the chatroom]

Saeyoung: Awww babe, you beat me to the punch.

Yoosung: Congrats! You’re an artist now.

Saeyoung: Yeah, a real Prickasso.

Jumin: You mean Picasso.

Saeyoung: Nope, I meant Prickasso.

Yoosung: Who’s Prickasso?

Zen: I have a feeling we don’t wanna know.

Me: It’s a painter that makes paintings with his penis.

[Jaehee surprised emoji]

[Yoosung surprised emoji]

[Jumin has left the chatroom]

Zen: OMG. You mean…

Me: We really put our backs into it.

Zen: OMG

Zen depressed emoj

Saeyoung: It’s a sex painting.

[Jaehee has left the chatroom]

Yoosung: You had sex with paint?

Me: Yes.

[Zen depressed emoji]

Yoosung: The 3 of you?

Me: Of course.

[Yoosung surprised emoji]

Me: Instead of brushes, we used our bodies.

Saeyoung: Like fingerpainting but for adults.

Zen: I think I liked it better when I didn’t know the details.

Yoosung: I have to agree with Zen.

[Saeran entered the chatroom]

Saeran: Pizza is here.

And stop scaring our friends.

Me: We’re all adults, it’s just art.

Zen: I’m going to take a cold shower.

Yoosung: You guys are

Zen: perverted.

Yoosung: Yeah.

Saeran: See what you did?

Saeyoung: What?

Saeran: You have little respect for privacy.

Me: They were going to find out eventually.

Saeran: Let’s just eat.

Me: K. Bye guys.

Zen: Bye.

Yoosung: See ya.

I left the chatroom and sat at the table to eat.

Saeran: “That went great.”

Me: “Eh, whatever.”

Saeyoung: “It’s best if they know.”

Saeran: “I beg to differ.”

Me: “The wedding invitations will be ready soon and they have our names, it’s heavily implied we sleep together. Who cares what people think?”

Saeran: “You’re right.”

Me: “Do we have beer?”

Saeran: “Yeah, I’ll get you one.”

Me: “You’ll make a fine husband.”

He chuckled and went to the kitchen.

Saeyoung: “You think I was a bit too much?”

Me: “Our friends should expect it by now.”

Saeyoung: “That doesn’t answer my question.”

I shrugged and munched on my pizza, ignoring the topic. Saeran brought my beer and I sipped it gingerly, enjoying dinner with my adorable twin lovers, and the gigantic painting behind them. I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. We did that. Together. It was fun, painful, erotic, and satisfying. It truly hangs as a symbol of our trust, love, as well as lust.


	34. Holidays are upon us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas and MC is feeling festive, wanting to share that joy with the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and fluffy chapter to begin the Christmas portion of the diary.

Dear diary,

It’s Christmas time. I got all my shopping done and started on my handmade gifts. This is my second Christmas with the twins, the first one was difficult and depressing. I spent most of it shitfaced and avoiding the boys. Saeyoung had stopped having sex with me around that time and Saeran still hated his brother, not enough to kill him anymore, but the animosity could be felt. The boys aren’t very fond of celebrating holidays, it’s a new concept for them, having something to celebrate other than a birthday. I think the only reason they loved their last birthday was because of all the sweets. But now it’s winter and I was kindly reminded by Saeyoung how the holidays are still a sore spot in his heart. This will be our first Christmas as a family and my excitement was evident when I came home with a pine tree and decorations. I challenged them to a game of who can make a better Christmas ornament to hang on the tree and spent a whole weekend decorating the house, the reward being a batch of home made sugar cookies and ice cream. We took a picture in front of our tree, wearing matching pom beanies I made for our Christmas cards. It’s been years since I send out holiday cards to friends and family. I haven’t felt this jolly in so long, probably since my parents moved to Hong Kong. My life is so different now. It’s hard to believe it’s been 4 years since my family left the country. The traditions we celebrated haven’t died. I’ve been so giddy to share them with the boys and my enthusiasm draws the playfulness in them. It’s not that hard to coax Saeyoung into having fun with me and dragging his brother in with us. The sound of their laughter makes my heart grow 3 sizes. We’ve worked so hard to achieve a sense of normalcy and it’s finally paying off.

Saeran still gets mood swings but it’s nothing terrible, it’s not that different than my PMS. I’m not sure if we’ll ever know the full scope of side effects of the drugs he was on. It’s a delicate situation that he dislikes talking about. I’ve seen his progress but there’s still plenty of self-loathing beneath the surface. It breaks my heart. I can’t say I’m tired of the boys apologizing to me because I know their reasoning behind their actions. I’ve always been open about discussing the matters that bother me. Like having bodyguards around when I’m not at the house, I get it that’s it’s for my safety, still find it tiresome being followed. When Saeran started working, Jumin sent him bodyguards and I can’t imagine the look on Mrs. Kwan’s face when she saw them. Saeran explained why they were there and she didn’t mind them as long as they didn’t interrupt her business. If you didn’t know about their past, the twins look like your average brothers, but it’s a façade. They’re still targets until we can be sure that their father truly had a change of heart.

The RFA party is coming up, the guest list is almost ready, and Mr. Park might make an appearance. The twins agreed that if their father wanted to meet them, the Christmas charity gala would the best place since it’s a public event, but controlled by the RFA. There are so many things to look forward to, my agenda is FULL, not just for work or RFA business, but personal projects as well, and of course, the wedding. There’s so much I have to arrange still, Jumin offered to hire a wedding planner and I think I might let him do that. I really want to spend my time making Christmas special, it’s hard to accomplish my festive mission when I’m wasting time picking out things. It’d be nice to tell someone “This is what I want.” and they make it happen.

I feel really happy right now, I made star and Christmas tree shaped cookies with Saeran earlier, I’m waiting for them to cool down so we can decorate them. There’s a special event in LOLOL tonight and Yoosung is coming over to play with us. I truly hope that whatever negative feelings the boys have with Christmas can be wiped away with the creation of new memories filled with love and joy. I’ll do everything I can to keep them smiling for as long as possible.


	35. Making space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC wants to have a house party on Christmas Eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was checking my notebook and I have 2 more chapters to transcribe but holy fuck they're long. *shrugs* I'll try to get them digitized before I start the semester.

Dear diary,

Since I’m the only one in the house with an office job, the twins have adapted to my schedule. They usually work during my office hours, this way we spend time together when I get home, at least most of the time because sometimes Saeyoung gets carried away in his workshop and I have to make sure he’s well fed and hydrated. Lately that hasn’t been the case over the past few weeks, Saeran does a great job at taking care of his brother, but after years of bad habits they occasionally disappear and work for hours straight. Sometimes I don’t mind, it lets me have time for myself. I’ve never lived alone, I grew up with a big family, never had a dorm in college, and when I moved out of my parent’s house, I lived with my ex. After that, I moved to a shared house with 3 housemates. My first time “living” alone was at Rika’s apartment and that was just for a short period of time. I remember the peacefulness of not having voices or movement around me. I had grown accustomed to working with background noise, it was refreshing to be in a quiet place. I currently paint in the living room and it can get distracting with the twins around, they can’t help but stare when I’m working. When I lived with my ex I painted while he was at work so it was easy for me to concentrate but I don’t have that luxury now, my lovers practically never leave the house. Art takes a lot more concentration than writing, I can always put my journal down and pick up where I left off. A painting, not so much. I’ve been contemplating Jumin’s offer to at least visit V’s studio, I saw where it is on a map and don’t really see it as a viable alternative since it’s far away, a pity, I could use the space and privacy. At least I have time to paint while Saeran’s at work during the weekends. Saeyoung’s getting better at making himself scarce when I’m writing or painting, so I have no reason to complain. We’ve all adapted to the dynamics of our lives. It’s the key to successfully living together in harmony, with a dash of chaos because that seems to be inevitable.

Now that the house looks all Christmas-y, I got the idea of having a house party with our friends on Christmas Eve with a Secret Santa and everything. Saeyoung loved the idea, he made an app with Saeran for all of us to download that generated the name of the person we have to buy a gift for with a maximum of $50. I got Jaehee. I don’t know what to get her, I have a few ideas but besides buying something, I’m working on something that I’m sure she’ll appreciate more. I promised her I’d find a way to lessen her workload so I’m doing research for an article about modern business practices with an emphasis on the benefits of a well rested employee, how different companies in other countries treat vacation days and how the correlation benefits the companies. I’m hoping my article will have a positive impact on Jumin and help shape the future of C&R. It’s out of my comfort zone but my editor liked the idea and gave me the green light. I haven’t done investigative journalism in a long while but if I can help a friend, I’ll do it, because Jaehee deserves a break, I just need to appeal to Jumin in a language he understands: statistics. He’s a logical man, I just need to prove what I’ve been suggesting since I’ve known him with cold hard facts. That woman is in dire need of a vacation and a stable schedule. In all the time I’ve known her, I’ve seen her in casual clothes just once and it’s because I went to her apartment to pick up Elizabeth the 3rd. Zen’s premiere was the only other time I saw her outside a C&R or RFA event. Sure, we’ve grabbed lunch together but that’s during business hours so it doesn’t count, we’re both in office clothes. Zen and I have tried to coax her to have drinks with us or go out for karaoke night but she’s always so tired, I can’t blame her. It’s like she’s perpetually scared Jumin might call, I feel so sorry for her, I hope my article makes a difference. I’m sure she agreed to come to my Christmas party because Jumin will also be going.

Speaking of the party, I have to move all my art stuff from the living room, Saeran offered me his room and Saeyoung said he could clear space in the basement if I wanted to. When I suggested the garage he went on a stupid rant when I told him he could cover his cars. “My babies will suffocate.” he whined. I rolled my eyes so hard. “Babe, they’re cars.” I countered. I love that man but sometimes his goofiness gets on my nerves. At least he knows how to make me smile, but I need to figure out where I’ll put my stuff that will be comfortable for me.


	36. V's studio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MC and the twins go on a trip to V's studio, they find more than they expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update so quickly? I thought this chapter was longer but my handwriting was crappy and the pages all together, it's the next chapter that's really long, covers almost half the notebook, lol. I can't believe I wrote all this when I didn't have electricity, I literally spent day and night writing, it's not like I had anything better to do. 
> 
> Anyone else finish Ray route? I will include tidbits in future chapters. This one has a few things from V route. I'll always include spoiler alerts in the notes just in case.

Dear diary,

We went to V’s studio. After putting away my art stuff in Saeran’s room I asked him if he had ever gone to V’s house and he said yes.

Saeran: “Why do you ask?”

Me: “Jumin said he used to paint and draw, I’m curious if he left behind any of his artworks. I kinda wanna see his pieces. I’m the only artist in my family, I’m curious to see my cousin’s abilities.”

Saeran: “I only know about his photographs, maybe Saeyoung can tell you more about his house or why not ask Jumin?”

Me: “Would you take me there if I asked you to?”

Saeran: “I suppose so, if you really want to go.”

Me: “Do you think it’s a bad idea that I wish to visit his studio?”

Saeran: “No. He was your cousin and you shared a common interest. He was also different from the rest of his family, much like you. Besides, it’s in your nature to be curious.”

Me: “Yeah, I think he and I had a lot in common.”

Saeran: “Pretty sure stubbornness is a family trait. If it’s any consolation, you didn’t miss much. He was kind, too much for his own good.”

Me: “Sounds familiar. We’ll never know the reasons why he did what he did but, people do crazy things when they’re in love.”

Saeran: “Don’t justify his actions.”

Me: “If anything, I’m justifying my own. Even if I know the direct consequences of his actions, I can see the big picture and form an opinion untethered to any perspective.”

Saeran: “You always try to see the good in people. Think whatever you want of him, but you’re right, people do crazy things for love, money, and hatred. Some people are easier to sway than others. Perhaps he really was a fool in love, she had a way with words and an angelic face, it was easy to get caught in her spell. I would’ve given my life for her.”

I kissed his cheek and hugged him.

Me: “She treated you like a pawn in a twisted game fueled by delusion.”

Saeran: “I’m aware of that. I opened my eyes a long time ago.”

Me: “You’re not a pawn anymore. You’re my prince, soon to be king.”

Saeran: “Is that right princess?”

Me: “Yup, soon I’ll be your queen.”

He chuckled and kissed my forehead.  
Saeran: “You’re so cute. I like the sound of that.”

We told Saeyoung about going to V’s place, he frowned but agreed to come with us. I let Jumin know when we were going and I picked up the keys the next day at his office. It was a long ride so we left early Saturday morning. I had prepared a playlist to listen on our way there, I’m so glad I did because there were moments of silence along the way. I think we were all remembering Mint Eye and didn’t want to talk about it. There’s nothing else to say about Saeran’s last days there, we’ve talked about it enough. It just pains me to see him carry that regret. At least the music helped keep a cheery mood. I didn’t know what to expect when we got there. Sheets covered the furniture and there wasn’t dust collected anywhere, I figured someone visits regularly to keep the place clean. Jumin had told me that Jihyun’s art supplies were in the bedroom closet. I asked Saeyoung to help me while Saeran waited in the living room, I saw him lifting a sheet and sitting on the sofa on my way to the room. The twins aren’t that much taller than I am, I had to get a step ladder so we could reach the top of the closet. There were several plastic containers with labels on them, one of them was labeled “Art” and it was the largest one, I helped Saeyoung pull it down and carefully lower it to the floor. When I opened the lid he gasped and picked up a box with red gift wrap and white bow. He sat on the bed with a look of disbelief as he stared at the box.

Me: “Babe? What is it?”

Saeyoung: “It’s my gift. I mean, it’s not mine, I bought it for Saeran and asked V to give it to him.”

Me: “Oh.”

Saeyoung: “I was abroad and managed to escape the agency to get this gift, I wanted him to have his first Christmas present, I worked so hard and risked my life for this.”

Me: “And it looks untouched.”

Saeyoung: “No wonder he thought I abandoned him. He didn’t even give him my present.”

Me: “Saeran! You should come see this.”

Saeran: “What? Did you find Rika’s nude pictures?”

Me: “No, why would I call you for THAT?”

He walked into the room and crossed his arms.

Saeran: “What’s in that box?”

Saeyoung: “A gift for you.”

Saeran: “A gift for me? Here? Why?”

Saeyoung: “After I joined the agency I started to make money and came back in secret to give you this. We never had Christmas presents before so I wanted you to have one. I gave this to V, he was supposed to give it to you.”

Saeran: “And it never reached me.”

Me: “At least he didn’t throw it away, you can give it to him now.”

Saeran: “What is it?”

Saeyoung: “Open it.”

Saeran: “If this is an elaborate prank I’m going to kill you.”

Saeyoung: “Just open it.”

Saeran reached for the box and unraveled it.

Saeran: “Nintendo?”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, a DS Lite. We were 14, it seemed like a good gift.”

Saeran: “Thanks. Really.”

Saeyoung: “I never forgot about you, I risked my life to get you that and you thought I had abandoned you.”

Saeran: “I wish you’d never left. I missed you so much. I waited so long for you to come back. After Rika took me I endured so much pain waiting for you to save me.”

Saeyoung: “I would’ve saved you sooner if I’d known.”

Saeran: “I know that now.”

Me: “Better late than never right?”

Saeran: “I guess.”

Saeyoung: “Why don’t you test it?”

Saeran: “Does it have a game?”

Saeyoung: “Of course.”

They went to the living room and I stayed in the bedroom, perusing the rest of the contents that were in the plastic bin. There were letters and drawings in a folder, some supplies, an award, and a sketchbook. He had a good eye for detail and perspective. I wish I could’ve met Jihyun the artist. You can tell a lot about someone from looking at their work. It’s the reason I wanted to go to his house. Even though the RFA is like my family, I would’ve liked to have a blood relative I could talk to about art. It’s too bad I never had the chance to meet V before he started dating Rika. She ruined him. She poisoned everything she touched. V was self-sacrificing until the end. Whether his reasons were justified, I can’t say, I’m just sad his talent was short lived. He could’ve been a great illustrator or painter. What a waste. I eventually found the photos Saeran had mentioned in a different plastic bin. V liked to shoot with film so I took a look at a few of the negatives since I found that not all of them had contact sheets. The prints were in an album. I went to the living room to show it to them.

Me: “Sweetie, how did you know about these?”

Saeran: “Did you forget I was Rika’s hacker? I had several pictures he took to use as blackmail.”

Me: “These aren’t digital, the negatives were in one of the boxes.”

Saeran: “If they were on his computer or phone, I had a copy of all his files.”

Me: “I guess he could’ve digitized them.”

Saeyoung: “I think that’s how he worked, especially for the large prints.”

Me: “What should we do with these? Give them to Yoosung?”

Saeyoung: “Sick woman, you are incredibly dirty. He might die of shock if he sees them.”

Saeran: “Burn them.”

Me: “There’s an idea.”

Saeran: “Set the whole place on fire.”

Me: “Dial it down. I’d like to use this space at some point. We’re not burning it down.”

Saeyoung: “Why do you want this place?”

Me: “I like the idea of having a studio.”

Saeran: “For painting?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve never had a personal space and Jumin offered this to me. Now that I’m painting more often I’d like a place to do so with good natural lighting. The bunker doesn’t have that.”

Saeyoung: “But this house isn’t close to home, would you stay here alone on weekends?”

Me: “We’ll figure it out. I want to fix this place up and make it mine, kinda like I did with you.”

Saeyoung: “Because you see some potential here that I don’t.”

Me: “Precisely.”

Saeran: “Whatever you want, princess.”

We burned Rika’s photos but I put away the negatives, they really are beautiful pictures, I feel like the fire cleansing was necessary to let go of the past and look towards the future. The hours went by quickly, when I was done browsing the closet and inspecting the house, I went outside for a walk. The sky was blue with few clouds. I noticed there was a small garden nearby, I sat on the grass and looked up to stare at the clouds. I heard them calling my name after a while and I yelled “Over here.” so they could find me.

Me: “I like this place. It’s peaceful.”

Saeyoung: “It is.”

Me: “Remember that dream I told you about an auburn haired little girl?”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, what about it?”

Me: “I think it took place here. I’ve never seen this house before but the background of the dream looks just like this scenery, that ledge of the cliff seems familiar.”

Saeran: “There’s no way I’d let my daughter play near a cliff.”

Saeyoung: “We can build a nice fence around the house, with motion sensors.”

Me: “And implant a GPS on her, right?”

Saeyoung: “Of course, right after she’s born.”

Me: “You’ll do no such thing.”

We chuckled.

Saeyoung: “It’s nice to imagine a daughter.”

I held my hand out to him so I could stand up.

Me: “You’ll be wonderful dads some day.”

Saeyoung: “Our child will be lucky to have you as their mother.”

We held hands and walked towards the edge of the cliff and stood there for a while. I could smell the ocean below. I gripped them tighter when I was ready to head back. We packed the stuff we were taking and drove back home. The trip felt shorter and the mood much lighter. Time passes and all secrets come to light. I’m glad I went there with the twins, originally I was going to skip work and go with a bodyguard but it didn’t feel right to do stuff behind their backs. I went there looking for personal space but found something else. The twins had a moment of true reconciliation, if Saeran had any doubts about his brother, he now has physical evidence of what Saeyoung did for him all those years ago. And I had a sense of déjà vu, a feeling of home because I’d been there once in a dream. For the first time in a long while, I’m excited for the future and couldn’t be happier spending it with my adorable red heads.


	37. Secret Santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas with the Chois. MC invites the RFA for a family style dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't supposed to take me so long to write this chapter, especially when I already had a draft, but life happens and some projects get pushed back. This is the last chapter I wrote when I didn't have electricity Post Hurricane Maria. I did some editing of course, I swear there were a few words I wrote in my notebook that weren't legible, writing in the dark sucks and my handwriting can be scratchy at times. I hope this long chapter makes up for the lack of updates. 
> 
> A quick warning, there's some smut in this chapter, a few times, and slight incest.

Dear diary,

It was great seeing my friends in a private setting, Saeran and I slaved away in the kitchen all day preparing dinner and baking desserts. I even made Dr. Pepper brownies, which turned out to be tastier than I thought, must make them again in the future, it’s a good thing I made 2 batches because Saeyoung ate half of the first batch while I wasn’t paying attention. The plan was to make a traditional dinner like the ones Ma makes during holidays but with a Christmas theme, we made sugar cookies, jello shots in star shaped molds, candy cane lattes, and ginger bread along with decorations. I called Ma several times while prepping and cooking to make sure I got the measurements and instructions right. I had never cooked for so many people before. I think Ma likes talking to Saeran, she even told him he’d make a fine husband.

Me: “Yes Ma, he will.”

Ma: “Of course he will if he learns to cook from ME.”

Saeran: “Thank you Mama Mun, your experience is appreciated.”

Ma: “Take lots of pictures. I have my own cooking to attend.”

Me: “Sorry for calling again, we will, love you.”

Ma: “Tell Saeyoung to help you.”

Saeran: “He’s busy doing errands, 2 cooks are more than enough, don’t worry. Say hi to the kids for me, tell them Uncle Saeran’s gift is on its way.”

Ma: “Don’t spoil those kids too much. Take care, bye!”

The food turned out delicious, Ma would be so proud if she were here. I’m not an excellent cook but between Saeran and I, we make a great team in the kitchen. The most time consuming dishes were a breeze with him by my side. Every time I’d steal a glance to what he was doing he’d catch me and respond with a smirk or a wink, melting my heart right then and there. I still can’t believe last year he’d give me goosebumps when he was near, the creepy kind, and now I get the lovey dovey, knot in my stomach, so in love kind of vibe. When I think about it I still find it bizarre. Saeyoung was in charge of picking up Yoosung and Zen, and Vanderwood was the first to arrive, at 18:00 on the dot, he was at the door.

Me: “Vandy, nice to see you again.”

Vanderwood: “It sounds less obnoxious when you say it. I like your new look, if I’d seen you elsewhere I wouldn’t recognize you. You’d make a good agent.”

Me: “Thanks but I like my current job, come in”

Vanderwood: “Is your fiancée home?”

Me: “At least one of them.”

Vanderwood: “Uh, what? What do you mean by that? You’re engaged to both of them? Woman, you’re truly something else.”

Me: “Yes, I’ve heard that before, repeatedly. Saeyoung is out picking up some of our friends.”

Vanderwood: “To clarify, you’re marrying both of them.”

Me: “Yes, they’re my fiancées.”

Vanderwood: “Isn’t that illegal?”

Me: “And you’re the perfect person to school me on legal activities.”

Vanderwood: “Fair point.”

Me: “Only one of them will be on the marriage certificate for legal purposes but they’ll both be grooms at the wedding.”

Vanderwood: “I see. I think Saeyoung mentioned something about brother husbands but I don’t pay attention to his ramblings. So you’re really with the both of them?”

Me: “Yeah, it just turned out that way.”

Vanderwood: “You’re very bold, I’ll give you that, and they’re OK with it I assume, since they’re sharing you. House looks nice by the way, I take it it’s your doing.”

Saeran: “She can’t take all the credit, I help around the house, unlike my brother.”

Vanderwood: “Are you sure you don’t wanna marry just this one instead?”

Me: “My mother asked me the same thing. Wait til you try his cooking.”

Vanderwood: “You cook?”

Saeran: “I do. Almost every day.”

Vanderwood: “I see, well that’s a huge difference from your twin, he’s a terrible cook.”

He pointed at the huge painting on the wall and sat on the sofa.

Vanderwood: “That thing is huge. You made that?”

Me: “It was a joint effort. The 3 of us painted it.”

Vanderwood: “It’s abstract and colorful. Makes a statement.”

Me: “It’s titled Value=3.”

Vanderwood: “Clever. You’ve really added sophistication to this place.”

Me: “I wouldn’t call it sophistication.”

Saeran: “Especially if you knew the story behind the painting.”

Vanderwood: “Oh?”

Me: “You can ask Saeyoung about it.”

Vanderwood: “It’s something weird isn’t it?”

Me: “Depends on your perspective. Would you like a latte?”

Saeran: “Candy Cane is optional.”

Vanderwood: “I’ll give it a try, candy cane sounds interesting.”

Me: “Great, just relax. I’ll go the kitchen and start bringing out stuff.”

Saeyoung arrived with Yoosung and Zen a little while later.

Yoosung: “Wow it really looks like Christmas in here.”

Zen: “My god that painting is enormous.”

Me: “Hey guys, welcome. Gifts go under the tree.”

Saeyoung: “Vandy, you’re here. Punctual as always.”

Vanderwood: “I see you’ve found new slaves to cook and clean for you.”

Saeyoung: “Awwww, they’re not my slaves, they’re my family, besides I help around too.”

Vanderwood: “Is that so?”

Saeyoung: “I helped decorate, that counts, right?”

Me: “Sure babe.”

Vanderwood: “So what’s the story behind the painting?”

Zen: “You don’t wanna know.”

Vanderwood: “Oh? I’m intrigued now.”

Saeyoung: “It’s kinda like finger painting but for adults, except it wasn’t just fingers, we used our bodies.”

Vanderwood: “You covered each other in paint and rolled around?”

Me: “Something like that.”

Zen: “OK, that’s enough explaining.”

Vanderwood: “I’m missing something, aren’t I?”

Yoosung: “Let’s change the subject.”

Saeran: “We had sex while covered in paint.”

Zen: “Oh my God.”

Vanderwood: “The 3 of you? Together?”

Me: “Yes.”

Vanderwood: “Oh MY, you ARE bold. You’re a special kind of woman. Freaky, I’ve always liked you, and the 2 of you are… sick and twisted.”

Saeyoung: “Thanks.”

Vanderwood: “It’s not a compliment.”

Saeyoung: “Babe, can I have another brownie?”

Me: “No, offer some to the guests first, THEN you can have one.”

Vanderwood: “Dominant, nice.”

Yoosung: “She sounds like my mom.”

Vanderwood: “It’s his fault for acting like a child.”

Zen: “Yeah, he’s like a big kid sometimes.”

Saeran: “We didn’t have much of a childhood so I can’t blame him for acting childish. He was always looking out for me.”

Yoosung: “I never thought of it that way.”

Saeyoung: “You need to try these brownies, they taste like heaven.”

Zen: “Diet is out the window today, gonna have to work out harder after all this food. I can’t say no to MC’s cooking.”

Me: “Can’t take all the credit, Saeran is also a wonderful cook.”

Saeyoung extends the tray with brownies and each of the guys takes one. Yoosung hesitates, saying something about spoiling his dinner but I encourage him to try one.

Yoosung: “This tastes amazing.”

Vanderwood: “It’s pretty good.”

Zen: “Yoosung wasn’t exaggerating when he said your baking is the best.”

Yoosung: “Her cookies are so delicious.”

Saeran: “She made some today.”

Me: “Yeah, they’re on the table, help yourself.”

Yoosung: “But I don’t want to fill up on sweets.”

Me: “See that, babe? That’s the proper way to react to eating sweets before dinner.”

Saeyoung: “Awww babe, but I like eating everything you make.”

Saeran: “You already ate half a batch of brownies.”

Zen: “Dude, take it easy with the sweets, that’s not good for you.”

Saeyoung: “But they’re made with Dr. Pepper, my weakness.”

Yoosung: “Brownies made with Dr. Pepper?”

Me: “Yeah, I got the idea after seeing a 7-up cake. Apparently there are several cakes that are made with soda.”

Yoosung: “Wow, I never would’ve thought to use soda in baking.”

Vanderwood: “Soda is basically syrup, it makes sense to use it as a sugar substitute.”

Saeyoung: “That’s right and my babe was sweet enough to make her favorite dessert with my favorite soda.”

Zen: “So brownies are your favorite dessert?”

Me: “I guess. I can never say no to a brownie and it’s my go-to sweet when I bake. I love chocolate in general but there’s something about eating a good brownie that’s truly satisfying, something about the chocolate and texture is just, orgasmic.”

Saeyoung: “You can call these Better than sex brownies.”

Me: “Tough call on that one.”

Saeran: “Really?”

Zen: “Ahem.”

Me: “Sorry.”

Zen: “Any word on the trust fund kid?”

Me: “He’ll be here soon with Jaehee, I got a text from her not too long ago.”

Yoosung: “I’m so excited for the gift swapping. Where did you get the idea?”

Me: “You’ve never had a Secret Santa before?”

Yoosung: “Uh no...”

Zen: “I’ve heard of it but never participated in one. I’ve gotten surprise gifts but not exchanges”

Saeran: “Pretty sure none of us have had a Secret Santa.”

Me: “I got the idea from my family. Ever since I was 5 years old, my family celebrated Christmas Eve with a Secret Santa. A week before, we’d each write our names and put them in a hat, then we’d pick a name, if you got yours, you place it back in the hat and draw again. It was fun guessing who would gift the other. Then on Christmas we’d open our regular presents. Secret Santa gifts were usually handmade since most of us were kids, I’d get my brother a drawing of his favorite robot, stuff like that, my sister would give me a box of crayons, simple things.”

Yoosung: “That’s a really cool family tradition.”

Saeyoung: “You get presents twice?”

Zen: “Really? That’s what you take from the story?”

Me: “Since the RFA is my family now, I wanted to share my family tradition with all of you. I grew up spending the holidays with friends and family and it’s been a long time since I’ve had the chance to do that. I wanted to share my joy with the people I care about.”

Vanderwood: “I’m touched.”

Zen: “You’re so sweet and thoughtful, I’m lucky to have you as a friend and sister.”

Me: “Thank you, I love you like a brother, c’mon, let’s have a beer while we wait for Jumin and Jaehee.”

I went to the kitchen with Zen and handed him a cold beer, when I grabbed my own he raised the can and I followed suit, cheering with him. He’s truly a gorgeous man, seeing him smile is a dazzling experience. After a few gulps he stared at me intently.

Zen: “You’re amazing you know that? I always felt like the RFA was my family but you really pulled as all together.”

Me: “Awww, well, thanks. We all joined for different reasons, got to know each other, most of us don’t have much of a family so we came together and turned into one.

Zen: “That’s true, I think Yoosung is the only one that keeps in touch with his family and The CEO in line has a relationship with his father.”

Me: “Yeah and Jaehee doesn’t talk to her family either.”

Zen: “How do you know?”

Me: “She talked about it with me one time we had lunch together at C&R. She’s very private about her life but she’s opened up a lot in these past months.”

Zen: “Yeah it’s good for her to have someone to talk to. It’s not easy getting her to talk about herself, her life revolves around work no thanks to that bastard of a boss.”

Me: “I was pretty shocked to find about her past, it seems most of us has some tragic story.”

Zen: “Really? What happened to her?”

Me: “Did you know about her parents?”

Zen: “No, what about them?”

Me: “Well, it’s not my story to tell, but her parents died when she was young, her uncle took her in, his wife was never fond of her.”

Zen: “Poor Jaehee, I didn’t know.”

Me: “It’s ok, she’s such a motivated person, always trying to prove herself as a hard worker, I love her tenacity.”

Zen: “She’s amazing alright, especially by putting up with the trust fund kid. I’ve known her for a years but we don’t know talk much, she knows all about me since she’s a fan but it seems like I don’t know much about her. You’re easy to talk to, I can see why she’d share her past with you. By the way, I read the interview you wrote about the presidential candidate. That was a big story, congrats! I’m proud.”

Me: “Thanks. Jumin helped arrange it, I don’t do that kind of article.”

Zen: “I thought it was weird to see your name on the byline, nevertheless, great job on it. You convinced the Prime Minister to come to an RFA Party, that’s an incredible feat.”

Me: “He has an ulterior motive for going?”

Zen: “Like what?”

Me: “It’s supposed to be a secret, but, let’s just the twins and the Prime Minister are related.”

Zen: “No way.”

Me: “Yup. It’s a long story, but, Prime Minister wants to keep it a secret, that’s why I’ve had extra security following me ever since the article was published.”

Zen: “You think he’d come after you?”

Me: “I really hope not, but Jumin and the twins think it’s better to be safe than trust the words of a politician. I requested the interview to try to put an end to his persecution with the twins. Jumin backed me up to make it clear that we weren’t trying to blackmail him.”

Zen: “Why would he want to persecute the twins?”

Me: “They’re ummm, his illegitimate children. He doesn’t want to soil his so called reputation about his affair and that he has not just 1, but 2 kids out of wedlock.”

Zen: “Man, that’s some TV drama shit right there, and I thought Saeyoung’s lost twin was shocking, this is messed up. You’re a brave to confront the Prime Minister.”

Me: “I need peace if I want to get married, can’t be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life if Mr. Park wants them dead.”

Zen: “What do you mean?”

Me: “He’s been trying to kill the twins since he knew of their existence, it’s the reason why Saeyoung went into hiding and joined the agency, he could hide from his father and live anonymously.”

Zen: “Damn that’s, fucked up. No wonder they didn’t have a childhood.”

Me: “Their mother used them for hush money but was an abusive alcoholic that hated her kids.”

Zen: “What kind of mother does such a thing? I thought my mother was terrible for calling me ugly and never supporting my talent. All she cared about were my good grades so I’d get a decent job in the future. Which is ok but, she was quite strict and cold.”

Me: “I don’t know. Their mother was awful, a real monster.”

I was startled when Saeran walked into the kitchen to get a candy cane latte. He had heard some of the things I said.

Saeran: “Talking about my mother? She was a useless drunk.”

Zen: “No wonder you guys never talk about your family. So much trauma. In all the years I’ve known your brother, I didn’t really know much ABOUT him.”

Saeran: “He couldn’t reveal his true identity out of fear that our father would track him down and kill him. Also, his job as an agent made him into a shadow of a person. He couldn’t really exist. I’m surprised the agency didn’t know about the RFA.”

Me: “Vanderwood never told them about it.”

Zen: “I didn’t think he was a real secret agent. Thought it was a prank or something. I knew he was good with computers and that he worked at an agency, but the rest sounded too fake to be true. Like something out of a movie.”

Me: “There’s a reason why people say that reality is stranger than fiction.I didn’t believe he was a secret agent either until Vanderwood held Saeran hostage and I was caught in a skirmish with the agency, bullets flying around until we escaped to safety. The reality of Saeyoung’s words became clear at that moment. He warned me that he was dangerous and that getting close to him put my life at risk.”

Saeran: “You didn’t listen.”

Zen: “Really? A gun skirmish?” Why didn’t I know about this?”

Me: “We never told anyone. The details about what happened during our time rescuing Saeran were glossed over. And for me, it was difficult to talk about it, took months to recover from all that trauma.”

Zen: “Yeah, I can imagine, and the whole thing with Mint Eye was pretty crazy too.”

Saeran: “I don’t know what would’ve happened to me if my brother weren’t there to save me.”

Zen: “He took a bullet for you, that shows how much he loves you, you’re really lucky to have a brother like him.”

Saeran: “He likes to remind me.”

Me: “People do crazy things in the name of love, like taking a punch to the face.”

Saeran: “That was a really stupid thing to do.”

Zen: “Who punched who?”

Me: “Saeyoung was going to punch Saeran and I got in the way to stop him.”

Zen: “So, he hit you by accident?”

Me: “Yeah, I didn’t want them to fight.”

Saeran: “That wasn’t the smartest way to do it.”

Me: “I didn’t have time to think, I just, reacted.”

Zen: “When did this happen?”

Me: “Months ago, when Saeran and I started to get along.”

Zen: “You’re one tough cookie, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yup.”

Saeran: “She has a penchant for danger.”

Me: “I do NOT.”

Saeyoung showed up and chimed into the conversation, poking my side, startling me. He chuckled when I jumped in surprised.

Saeyoung: “Yes, you do. You seem to love danger. Do I need to make you a list of all the reasons why I think so?”

Me: “No, I have 2 of them right before my eyes and they have red hair.”

Saeyoung: “Aha! That’s right. Although I think we’re safe as kittens right now.”

Zen: “Did you get shot in the gun skirmish with the agency?”

Saeyoung: “Uh, what? When?”

Zen: “You’ve been in more than one?”

Saeyoung: “Ummm, yeah, part of my job.”

Me: “He’s talking about the time Vanderwood held Saeran hostage.”

Saeyoung: “Oh yeah, I have a neat scar to prove it.”

Zen: “I believe you, I don’t wanna see it.”

Saeyoung: “You sure?”

Zen: “Yes, I’m sure!”

Me: “Babe, help me take the food to the table.”

Zen and the twins helped carry the dinner dishes and clear out the sweets. When Jumin and Jaehee arrived, I told them to leave the gifts under the tree.

Me: “You’re right on time. I’m so happy you made it. We were just setting up the table for dinner. Hope you’re hungry.”

Jaehee: “So great to finally be here. The bunker looks wonderful.”

Jumin: “Surprisingly, I agree. The painting is quite the eye catcher, no doubt, by its size. The details behind it would’ve been better kept as a secret.”

Zen: “Have to agree with the trustfund kid on that one.”

Me: “Well Jumin, you said so yourself that the RFA should be more transparent. Get over it, the twins are my fiancées and we have sex, big deal. This is our home and we made a work of art that symbolizes that love. The process is just as important as the final result. You can’t have one without the other. That painting is me and I am that painting. Art is a form of expression, you either like it or you don’t.”

Jumin: “Very well, let’s change the subject.”

Vanderwood: “If you make another one, I’ll buy it.”

Zen: “You can’t be serious.”

Vanderwood: “I don’t make jokes, unlike someone we know. It represents raw emotion, I like it.”

Saeyoung: “Keep talking like that and you’ll be my maid of honor.”

Vanderwood: “You mean best man.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure he meant maid of honor, he wants to be my bride.”

Zen: “And you’re going to let him?”

Me: “I’m still undecided.”

Jumin: “For the sake of your guests, I hope you decline his suggestion.”

Me: “It’s OUR wedding, we’re a trio, if he wants to wear a dress or a spacesuit, why shouldn’t he?”

Zen: “I’m sorry, don’t get upset, I know I haven’t been exactly supportive of your relationship but I know you’re all happy.”

Jumin: “I’ve seen you try to fix everything that was broken. My intention was never to offend, especially in your home. You’re a good friend to all of us and I respect your decisions, even if I don’t understand them or completely agree.”

Yoosung: “We’re your friends, of course will support you at your wedding.”

Jaehee: “Our differences are what make us come together. I’m sorry if you felt scrutiny about your relationship. I grew up rather conservative and never speak about personal topics so I’m not accustomed to discussing such matters openly.”

Me: “It’s fine, let’s have dinner. Shall we?”

They all nodded and we each took a seat. Yoosung sat next to Jumin.

Me: “Yoosung, help Jumin with his plate.”

Yoosung: “Why me?”

Me: “Because I doubt he’s ever been at a family style sit down like this and I don’t want Jaehee serving her boss.”

Jumin: “Your assumption is correct, thank you for the accommodation.”

Yoosung: “You’ve never had a traditional meal?”

Jumin: “I’ve never served my own plate.”

Zen: “I’m not surprised, you’ve always had chefs plate for you.”

Me: “That’s not his fault.”

Jumin: “Thank you. I can’t be at fault for the way I was raised.”

Zen: “You could’ve showed initiative and try it for yourself.”

Jumin: “It wasn’t in my interest.”

Me: “Guys, please. Stop. Yoosung will show Jumin how to serve and we’ll each pass our plates to the closest person in front of each dish.”

Saeran gave the rundown of what each dish was, the table felt cramped with so many people so I went to the sofa after I served my food and Saeyoung followed me along with Vanderwood.

Vanderwood: “You really share her with your brother?” Don’t you get jealous?”

Saeyoung: “It’s hard to explain, but no, I don’t get jealous. I love my brother and I love her, I just want us to be happy.”

Me: “We’re a family.”

Vanderwood: “A fucked up one.”

Me: “But a family, nonetheless.”

Vanderwood: “True, you have to be a freak to be able to fall for freaks like them.”

Me: “I guess, freaky is our normal.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t know what a normal life is but I’m happy to have a life to live.”

Vanderwood: “I can relate to that.”

Since Saeyoung finished his plate quicker than me, I asked him to open a bottle of wine and offer some before bringing me a glass. Jaehee, Jumin, and Vanderwood accepted. I waited ‘til everyone was finished with dinner to clear the table and bring out the stuff for the gingerbread house.

Yoosung: “What is that?”

Me: “We’re going to build a gingerbread house.”

Yoosung: “I think I’ve seen those in movies.”

Jumin: “How do you make one?”

Zen: “Are you going to build it yourself or pay someone to do it for you?”

Me: “Don’t be that way. I’ll make the demonstration and we’ll all build it TOGETHER.”

Everyone gathered around me to see how I started to glue the pieces with icing and decorate them until I stepped away so they’d give it a try. I had fun seeing them build something together, I snapped some pictures with my phone, regretting that my camera wasn’t near. Yoosung did a good job making a chimney that looked like little bricks, Saeyoung started to sing carols that he changed the lyrics, Zen sang the correct ones, Jumin made an Elizabeth the 3rd out of icing with blue sprinkles for eyes, the sight of it made Zen sneeze, and Vanderwood made a fence out of candy canes. Once all the candy and icing was gone it was time to call it finished.

Saeran: “Do we eat it now?”

Zen: “How can you eat more sweets after all that food?”

Saeyoung: “There’s always room for sweets.”

Me: “How about exchanging gifts first?”

Saeyoung: “Me first.”

Me: “Alright babe, get the gift and give it to the person whose name you got and then that person gives their gift, and so on.”

Saeyoung walked towards the tree and picked up a gift-wrapped box, he looked at each of us tentatively, then smiled and handed the present to Jumin. He eyed it suspiciously.

Jumin: “I hope it’s not a prank.”

Saeyoung: “I promise, it’s not. Just open it.”

Jumin: “Very well.”

He opened the box and there was a device inside.

Jumin: “What is this?”

Saeyoung: “It’s a cat translator, so you can know what Elly is saying.”

Jumin: “Don’t call her by that name, but most importantly, does it work?”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t have many test subjects but do let me know the results, your feedback will help me improve it.”

Jumin: “I’m intrigued but have low expectations. Thank you anyway. I suppose it’s my turn now.”

He walked towards the tree and took the gift bag he’d brought and handed it to me.

Jumin: “Merry Christmas. It was hard to think of a gift with such a low price point so I opted for something I already owned.”

Zen: “Isn’t that cheating?”

Me: “No, it counts. Smart thinking as always, thank you.”

I had an idea of what it could be but kept my poker face on while I took out the tissue paper and pulled out what was inside the bag. It was a bottle of cherry wine.

Jumin: “It’s made out of the cherries from my farm, I thought you’d like it, you said you loved cherries and suggested it when we had plum wine.”

Me: “Yes, you’re right, I remember, wow Jumin, this is perfect, thank you so much, you didn’t have to do all this.”

Jumin: “It was meant to be a birthday gift but the wine wasn’t ready yet.”

Me: “I truly appreciate the gesture. I can’t wait to try it.”

I handed the bottle to Saeran and headed towards the tree to get my gift, I picked up the envelope I had decorated and gave it to Jaehee.

Me: “Merry Christmas Jaehee.”

Jaehee: “Thank you, this is fun, guessing who gifts whom.”

She opened the enveloped and pulled out the card, gasping while she read it and looked at the details.

Jaehee: “For the spa Zen went to. Thank you so much.”

Me: “We can go together if you want, I got a coupon for myself too.”

Jaehee: “I’d love that, thank you, this was a very thoughtful gift.”

Me: “I tried.”

Jaehee nodded, slipped the envelope in her purse and went to retrieve the gift she brought. She picked up a rather large box and placed it in front of Vanderwood.

Vanderwood: “That’s a big box. You sure it’s for me?”

Jaehee: “Positive, it was hard to decide what to get you but I did my research and settled on something practical that you might like.”

Vanderwood: “Oh? I wonder what kind of research you did.”

Saeyoung: “Open it Vandy!”

Vanderwood: “Did Saeyoung put you up to this?”

Jaehee: “He did no such thing, I can assure you.”

Vanderwood opened the box and looked surprised once he took a look inside.

Saeyoung: “What is it?”

Vanderwood: “An espresso machine. I’m impressed. Thank you. This had to cost more than the allowed budget though.”

Jaehee: “MC had mentioned once you liked espresso coffee and as a C&R employee I get discounts, I was well within the established budget.”

Vanderwood: “Again, thanks, the gift is appreciated. Now me.”

He picked up a medium gift bag from under the tree and handed it to Saeran.

Vanderwood: “In case you need to use it on your brother.”

Saeran: “Thanks?”

He peeked inside the bag and snickered, pulling out a taser.

Saeyoung: “Mary, you shouldn’t have. Emphasis on shouldn’t.”

Vanderwood: “I was going to give it to your fiancée as a wedding gift but figured your brother would be more likely to use it and the thought made me happy.”

Saeyoung: “So thoughtful as always. Is this your way of making me think of you?”

Vanderwood: “You always worked better after being threatened.”

Saeran: “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”

Vanderwood: “No problem kid, use it wisely.”

Saeyoung: “You’re a terrible friend Vandy.”

Vanderwood: “And who said we’re friends?”

I chuckled and motioned Saeran to get up, he walked up to the tree, picked up a large gift bag, and gave it to Zen.

Saeran: “Hope it fits.”

Zen looked inside the bag and smiled, pulling out a leather jacket and immediately trying it on.

Zen: “Never thought I’d be so anxious to get a gift, this is beautiful and genuine leather, this had to cost more than the budget. No way this was less than $50.”

Saeran: “You liked my jacket so I returned it and got it in your size. I technically didn’t spend anything on your gift.”

Zen: “Oh my god, you didn’t have to do that. It fits perfectly, thank you.”

Me: “Do you want me to take a picture?”

Zen: “Do you even have to ask?”

Jaehee: “His looks won’t compare in a photo but please send it to me.”

I snapped some pics of Zen and sent them to Jaehee while Zen gave his present to Yoosung. I looked up to see him pulling out a sweater from a bag.

Me: “Looks like Zen isn’t the only one getting new clothes.”

Jaehee: “Now you can throw away your old one.”

Yoosung: “I’m not throwing away my old hoodie. I like it.”

Zen: “You’re never gonna get a girlfriend if you keep wearing that ratty old thing. Now you have a fashionable one.”

Yoosung: “Of course I can get a girlfriend, if she’s not superficial. But, thank you, it looks nice.”

Zen: “Of course it looks nice, I have a great sense of fashion.”

Yoosung: “Whatever, my turn.”

He picked up a gift-wrapped box that seemed heavy and placed it in front of Saeyoung.

Saeyoung: “Is this what I think it is?”

Yoosung: “Depends what you think it is.”

Saeyoung: “You’re a poor college student, so I have to guess it’s a case of Dr. Pepper.”

Yoosung: “You’re right except for one thing.”

Saeyoung: “You’re not poor?”

Yoosung: “I am, it’s just that it’s not your average Dr. Pepper.”

Saeyoung: “You mean?”

He ripped the wrapping off and gasped.

Yoosung: “Ta-da!”

Saeyoung: “Dr. Pepper Cherry?” I’d kiss you right now.”

Yoosung: “Please don’t.”

Saeyoung: “Baaaabe, loooook, you gotta let me drink this.”

Me: “Fine, but no more than one per day.”

Saeyoung: “Yahoo! It’s a Merry Christmas indeed!”

Zen: “This was fun.”

Jaehee: “It really was.”

Yoosung: “Let’s do this again next year.”

Saeyoung: “An excellent plan.”

Me: “I approve.”

Jaehee: “I’ll look forward to it. Thank you for this. I’m touched by the Christmas spirit and it has put me in a festive mood.”

Me: “You’re very welcome, I was a little hesitant in doing this but I’m happy I went with the idea.”

Jumin: “Have a good night and thank you, it had been a long time since I could relax and enjoy the company of my friends.”

Me: “I hope we can do this more often, there’s more to life than work, you know?”

Jumin: “Yes, your message has been received. See you tomorrow.”

We said our goodbyes, Jumin and Jaehee were the first to leave. I offered Zen another beer and we sat on the sofa to chat. Yoosung went to play games with the twins.

Me: “Vandy, do you want a beer?”

Vanderwood: “No thanks, I think I’ll head home.”

Me: “Well thank you for coming.”

Vanderwood: “It was nice. I appreciate the invitation. See you around, I’ll let myself out.”

Me: “Hope to see you soon.”

He winked and left the room, leaving just Zen and me.

Me: “Do you want some gingerbread?”

Zen: “I don’t think I can eat any more. The food was delicious though.”

Me: “Want me to pack you leftovers?”

Zen: “Thank you Noona, but later, you need to relax.”

Me: “Awww that’s the first time you call me that.”

Zen: “I truly look up to you and you’re my senior. I meant it when I said that you’re the sister I never had.”

Me: “You’re so sweet. You know you can always count on me. Besides, I’m pretty sure all you have is beer and water in your refrigerator. I would feel better if you took food with you.”

Zen: “I think I have a salad in the fridge.”

He chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, encircling his arms around me to pull us into a hug for a moment and then sighing as he left me go.

Me: “If my mother could hear you, she’d say ‘a salad is not food, it’s a side dish.’”

Zen: “Sounds like a good mom.”

Me: “She is, I’m lucky to have her.”

Zen: “All of this was great, it was a real family dinner. I don’t think I ever had one that was fun. Christmas is a lonely time for me, I mostly spend it working. At least that keeps me busy but the joy and warmth here is something I’ll always cherish. Those guys are lucky to have you.”

Me: “I’m lucky to have them too. It’s not easy to trust people when you’ve been hurt. My healing process was possible thanks to the twins.”

Zen: “They’ve been through so much. I guess you all helped each other.”

Me: “Something like that. Time heals all wounds, right?”

Zen: “Definitely. Some just take more time than others.”

Me: “Yeah. It’s been a crazy year for me but things seem to finally be calming down.”

Zen: “Good. I’m amazed at how you’ve kept yourself together.”

Me: “Booze? Just kidding. Having steady work has helped but last Christmas was like a blur for me. I drank so heavily on a daily basis. It was hard living with Saeran back then, when he was… I want to say recovering, but, adjusting would be more accurate. He despised his brother no matter how much Saeyoung tried to show him how much he was loved.”

Zen: “That must’ve been tough, it was normal for him to feel resentment considering the circumstances.”

Me: “I just hated being caught in the middle of it, Saeyoung did what he could to shield me from his brother’s issues but the environment here was toxic, making my love feel suffocated. It was difficult being in the same house with the man that tried to kidnap and force me to join a crazy cult. I knew he’d changed, he was drug free and his mood swings were less severe, but his voice triggered flashbacks that made me anxious or scared. I drank to dull my senses.”

Zen: “I remember, Saeyoung considered taking you to therapy or rehab.”

Me: “Yeah, Jumin recommended a therapist but I declined. I sought alternate ways to cope, mostly writing.”

Zen: “And now art, right?”

Me: “Yeah, art is a tool for expression, same as writing.”

Zen: “Still, if you ever need to talk to someone, you can rely on your friends.”

Me: “I know. I feel grateful to have such wonderful friends. There are just some stories that aren’t mine to tell. As it is, I feel like I might’ve said too much already.”

Zen: “I get it. I learned more about the twins today than in a year.”

Me: “It’s been a struggle to get them to open up and I empathize. Their past is so painful and heartbreaking, worse than a sad movie because it’s real. Once everything was revealed I didn’t know how to handle all that information so I started to paint.”

Zen: “At least you found a way to vent instead of bottling it up like they did.”

Me: “I had an incredible need to express myself. I can’t talk about them to anyone. At least with you, I can skim the surface because you know them. You have no idea how much I cherish our hangouts.”

Zen: “God, me too, hanging out with you makes me forget all the tension from life and work. It’s a nice break from the routine. But, you’re happy right?”

Me: “I am. The twins are a little crazy but so am I. It’s nothing I can’t handle. Don’t worry about me.”

Zen: “I’ll always worry about you. Call if you need a prince to rescue you.”

Me: “Oh? We’ll see once you get a girlfriend.”

Zen: “Well, I’d like to think I won’t change.”

Me: “You’re quite stubborn but, not all women are as open minded as I am.”

Zen: “I know, God, I can’t handle a jealous woman.”

Me: “They’re the worst. I’d hate to stop seeing you because of a jealous girlfriend.”

Zen: “I’d hate that as well. But, why are we talking about this? I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Me: “But you’ll have one eventually.”

Zen: “I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

Me: “If you say so.”

Zen: “Have you ever gotten jealous?”

Me: “Mmmmm yeah, with my ex. I saw him talking to a pretty girl at the bar and I went up to them, said something, grabbed his arm and pulled him away towards another direction.

Zen: “Haha, really? How did he react?”

Me: “He thought it was cute that I got jealous, He teased me about it.”

Zen: “He was a handsome man, right? Wasn’t he a model?”

Me: “He was, almost as handsome as you. People always stared at him wherever he went, either because they recognized him or just because he was good looking. He only modeled at the university, he wasn’t interested in the fashion industry.”

Zen: “Does talking about him make you feel uncomfortable? We can change the subject.”

Me: “I’m fine, it’s OK to ask me about him.”

Zen: “I remember you got upset at the RFA party when he was mentioned.”

Me: “That was different, I wasn’t ready to talk about my past in front of all my friends. It’s just you and me now, besides, you already know some stuff about him and what happened, I mean, you saw part of a video. That’s something I wish nobody would know about.”

Zen: “With good reason, he was a sick bastard.”

Me: “Did I tell you about the email I got from someone that recognized me from those videos and said that since he couldn’t find them anymore, he was going to make new ones with me?”

Zen: “Seriously, what the fuck? No, you didn’t tell me. What was he going to do? Kidnap you?”

Me: “Apparently, how else would he get me? I was a little shaken and stayed home for a few days while the twins tracked the perv.”

Zen: “What happened to him?”

Me: “The boys said they took care of it, I didn’t ask for specifics.”

Zen: “Probably turned him over to the authorities with incriminating evidence, it’s what I would do with their skills.”

Me: “I guess as much, I trust their judgment when they say I’m safe.”

Zen: “Yeah, they’re the best at that kind of thing.”

Me: “I’m lucky to live with the country’s top hackers.”

Zen: “Unreal, isn’t it?”

Me: “I forget every now and then but they manage to remind me by doing shit that freaks me out a bit.”

Zen: “Like what?”

Me: “Oh, different things, for example, activating my phone’s camera to take a picture, seems harmless but when I check my gallery and see pictures I didn’t take and know nobody else used my phone, it’s a bit disturbing.”

Zen: “I guess that can be a little scary.”

Me: “It used to be worse, I complained about it, remember? The traffic camera situation?”

Zen: “Yeah, does he still do that?”

Me: “No, now I have Saeran drive me to work.”

Zen: “Why Saeran?”

Me: “Saeyoung talks too much in the car and Saeran likes being outside.”

Zen: “Saeyoung gets on your nerves?”

Me: “I’m not much of a morning person and I prefer a quiet ride to work.”

Zen: “Oh, well yeah, Saeyoung is a chatterbox, I can see why you’d prefer Saeran as your chauffeur.”

Me: “Yup, Saeyoung is just too much to deal with in the morning.”

I offered to pack the leftovers for him and Yoosung, and Zen insisted on helping me. I lead him to the kitchen cabinets and pointed where the containers and bags were, once he got them down for me, I started to scoop the food and place it into the containers Zen held for me. We heard Yoosung come out of Saeran’s room gushing about the game they were playing. I called from the kitchen and they made their way there, chattering about the game.

Me: “Yoosung, I packed leftovers and cookies for you.”

Yoosung: “Thanks Noona, the food was really good, you have to tell your mom it turned out amazing. I can’t wait to have it for lunch tomorrow.”

Me: “Ma will be happy to hear the praise for her recipes. You’re welcome to come over for dinner any time.”

Yoosung: “Ah, really? I couldn’t. I appreciate the offer though.”

Saeran: “When you’re not busy with homework you can come over to play games and join us for dinner.”

Zen: “You hear that Yoosung? Only when you’re responsible with your studies.”

Yoosung: “I’ve been doing better, I managed to get caught up with classes last semester.”

Saeyoung: “Do your best and you’ll finish your degree in no time.”

Yoosung: “I’m not a genius like you.”

Zen: “You’re just lazy and easily distracted.”

Yoosung: “I’m not lazy, just unmotivated.”

Me: “Maybe you should think of your classes as levels of a game you have to pass.”

Zen: “That could work.”

Yoosung: “Haha, yeah, it’s worth a try.”

Me: “Thanks for coming you guys.”

Zen: “Thank you for having us, this was fun.”

Yoosung: “I hope we can do this again next year.”

Me: “Me too, that’d be great.”

Saeyoung: “A new family tradition is born.”

We said our goodbyes and goodnights and Saeyoung took Yoosung and Zen back to their apartments. Only Saeran and I remained in the kitchen.

Saeran: “What are we going to do with the gingerbread house?”

Me: “I think I’ll take it to the RFA party.”

Saeran: “Sure, if it survives until then. Saeyoung might eat it as a midnight snack.”

Me: “Are you sure you’re not talking about yourself? Either way, I wouldn’t get mad.”

Saeran: “Oh? Why not?”

Me: “This is his first happy Christmas, if he wants to fill up on sweets, I won’t get in the way, besides, the tummy ache afterwards is punishment enough for terrible choices.”

Saeran: “It’s my first happy Christmas too, thanks to you.”

Me: “I couldn’t have done all this without you.”

He turned his head to the side as if in thought and smiled. I leaned in closer to him and kissed his cheek lightly, placing my hand on his right shoulder and slowly gliding my fingers up towards the back of his neck until reaching his hair and started to twirl it around my digits. His cheeks got a little red and he let out a soft chuckle.

Saeran: “Let’s finish cleaning up.”

I pouted a bit and he pecked my lips, smirking as he headed towards the counter, grabbing some dirty silverware to wash. We finished cleaning and putting everything away, it was almost midnight when Saeyoung arrived.

Me: “Welcome home babe.”

Saeyoung: “I made it just in time.”

Me: “Just in time for what?”

Saeyoung: “Christmas.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, do you want to open the presents at midnight?”

Saeyoung: “Nah, you’re more than enough.”

Me: “How smooth of you.”

I felt my cheeks getting warmer, knowing all too well what he meant. Saeran walked up behind me and lifted my dress, slipping a hand inside my panties to cup my butt cheek.

Saeran: “He’s right though, you’re the best gift of all.”

He slid his hand further to reach between my inner thighs and prod my lips with a finger.

Saeyoung: “Merry Christmas babe, will you let us unwrap and play with our gift?”

I sighed a yes and lifted my arms so Saeyoung could remove my dress by sliding it up and over my shoulders, once that was gone, Saeran slid my panties down and Saeyoung unclasped my bra, throwing it on top of my dress. I looked at the both of them and lifted a finger, motioning for them to pause and follow me, we walked to the bedroom and I lied down on the bed.

Me: “Blindfold me.”

Saeyoung: “Oh? Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. Bind my wrists too.”

Saeyoung: “That can be arranged.”

Me: “You can do whatever you want. My gift to you.”

Saeyoung arched an eyebrow and then smirked, looking at his brother and going to the closet.

Saeran: “As you wish, princess.”

His words were like a purr, my body reacted by sending a tingle down my arms. They did as I asked, binding my wrists together above my head and tying a blindfold around my eyes. I bit my lip in anticipation, waiting for their first move. They were both on the bed and I could feel them shifting around, I felt my legs spread open and a tongue sliding across my slit. I let out a sharp gasp as my legs shuddered in response. A pair of hands cupped and squeezed my breasts, lips trailing my collarbone, up my neck, across my jaw, and reaching my mouth, nibbling and sucking my bottom lip until finally pressing his lips against mine, slipping in his tongue, eliciting a moan from me that was swallowed as my clit was being licked. The kiss was broken, letting my gasps and mewls escape my mouth freely. My breasts were pressed together to jerk a half erect cock, once it was hard enough, I was pulled up by the wrists and propped against the pillows. I was told to open wide by Saeyoung, I did as he asked  
and waited to receive his erection in my mouth. He thrust himself in and I bobbed my head along with his movements. I was close to an orgasm when Saeran stopped what he was doing, my protests muffled by Saeyoung fucking my mouth, I saw movement but my view was mostly blocked by hips jerking towards my face. Saeran positioned himself to enter me, wetting his dick by circling my entrance in painfully slow movements, I gagged for a moment when he thrust hard and deep but I recovered quickly. I swallowed Saeyoung’s release, finally being able to let out my moans freely as Saeran worked me out. They switched places when I orgasmed and I decided to lie on my back, thinking I’d strain my neck less in that position, it didn’t help much. I tasted my own juices sucking on Saeran, he pulled on my hair while going deeper, his moans filling the room mixed with Saeyoung’s groans as he pounded me, a most sinful soundtrack. I’d open my eyes every now and then to admire the men before me, it’s so hard to describe what they make me feel, besides the obvious pleasure derived from sex. It sounds corny to say that Saeran’s devilish smile makes my stomach flutter but the longer I stare into his eyes, I feel a tingling sensation wash over me and his smirk just melts my heart. My body shuddered when I climaxed, Saeran felt the vibrations of the noises I was making and thrust harder until cumming down my throat. I swallowed hard as he pulled out, raising my chin to kiss me, sitting lightly on my belly and tangling his hands in my hair while swallowing my cries of ecstasy. Saeyoung was hitting my sweet spot, he slowed his movement, rocking hard against me until pulling out and cumming. Saeran lied down on his back, taking me with him, placing me on top of him.

Saeran: “Do you know who’s under you?”

Me: “Of course I do, my King.”

I licked his cheek and giggled.

Saeran: “Why the blindfold if you always know?”

Me: “Because it’s fun. Don’t you find it more exciting?”

Saeran: “Maybe.”

Saeyoung: “Makes surprising her a little easier.”

He slipped his sock between my ass cheeks and pressed me down.

Me: “You can’t do surprise butt sex. It’s too painful.”

Saeran propped his cock at my dripping entrance as Saeyoung slowly circled my tight hole.

Saeyoung: “Just relax, I’ll be gentle.”

Saeran licked my lips and suckled my bottom lip, keeping my mouth busy while his brother stretched me open. Saeran circled his dick around my lips, coating it with my juices until settling himself inside me. Saeyoung pulled on my hair and slowly pushed himself through my tight hole, I winced and cried into Saeran’s mouth. They began to thrust in tandem, I felt relieved when my hair was released but then my throat was gripped forcefully, I wasn’t expecting that, since I couldn’t see and my senses were overworked trying to process the pain and pleasure. He loosened his grip when I coughed, once I caught my breath again, he squeezed once more. Eventually I felt the familiar dizziness, a hard bite to my shoulder brought me back to my senses, and I cried out in pain. Another bite to my shoulder followed, I didn’t scream that time, just whimpered. Saeyoung lifted me by the chest, cupping my breasts. Saeran leaned back to the pillow, angling himself differently to keep fucking me.

Saeyoung: “You know what’s great about being the Joker in a deck of cards? He gets to be any card.”

Me: “Is that your excuse to Jack me?”

Saeyoung: “I don’t need an excuse.”

Me: “Right.”

Saeran: “She enjoys getting jacked.”

Me: “At least you don’t have to pay me to leave.”

Saeyoung: “Why are you like this?”

Me: “I don’t know. Must be the lack of oxygen to my brain.”

Saeran: “Or too many blows to the head.”

Me: “Just shut up and fuck me.”

Saeyoung: “Is that what you want? To be fucked like a whore?”

Me: “It’s not what I want, I’m your gift, remember? Do whatever you want.”

He grabbed my butt and lifted me, when I was lowered I felt the tip of Saeran’s dick trying to fit up my butt. I started to protest.

Saeyoung: “You said whatever, just relax.”

Saeran: “We won’t break you.”

They chuckled. It wasn’t pleasant. I know it’s possible for them to both fit but it hurts to be stretched, a wrong move can tear me, but they kept their promise of not breaking me. I was almost sure I wouldn’t be able to sit the next day, in hindsight, it was a risky move to have rough sex before the RFA party. It’s a good thing it was cold and the event was outdoors. I knew I had to wear my coat and cover all the marks the twins left. I’m not a fan of anal, it can be pleasurable but hate the before and after. I never thought I’d try double anal, I managed an orgasm by rubbing against Saeran’s pelvis while they fucked me. I was spent when it was over, I told them to please shower me.

Saeran: “See? We didn’t break you.”

Me: “My ass disagrees. Untie me please, I wanna shower.”

Saeran: “As you wish, princess.”

Me: “You better hope I can walk at the party.”

Saeyoung: “You’ll be fine.”

Me: “Says you. Have you ever had 2 dicks up your ass?”

Saeyoung: “No, can’t say that I have.”

They chuckled and carried me to the shower. We started to rinse, Saeran was behind me and pressed his hard-on against my butt cheek.

Me: “No. That’s enough.”

Saeran: “C’mon, it’s Christmas.”

Me: “Exactly. Where’s MY gift?”

Saeyoung: “Right in front of you.”

Me: “Stop joking.”

Saeyoung: “But, I’m serious.”

He leaned in to kiss me, his body inching closer to angle his dick between my thighs and enter me. Saeran lubed himself to take me from behind. I placed my arms around Saeyoung for support and Saeran held on to my hips. I let myself be rocked back and forth between them. I was too weak to truly resist. Even when I was exhausted, I wanted them inside me, it’s so hard to stay off of them once I start. It’s like I can’t get enough until my body collapses. I knew I had things to do the next day and present myself in public, which is why I said No, but in the heat of the moment, all coherent thought vanishes, succumbing to a primal feeling of my baser instincts. They make me feel so good, how can I say no? I welcomed the pleasure that sent warmth to my nerves and opened my legs a little wider, lowering my arms to grab Saeyoung’s butt and pull him deeper into me, the pleasuring shock sent shivers down my spine, I repeated the movement over and over again, pulling him deeper into me each time. My eyes were tightly closed, a tingling sensation rushing through me, causing goosebumps to spread over my skin. Saeran wedged his hand down my mound and found my clit with a finger, he rubbed it with the momentum. I bit down on Saeyoung’s shoulder, causing him to wince and gasp, he crashed his lips with mine, swallowing my moans. Saeran held my hips down and bit my neck while cumming. Saeyoung broke the kiss to breathe and found his release.

Saeran: “I was almost sure you’d squirt.”

Me: “I don’t even know what triggers it.”

Saeran: “Shall we try again?”

Me: “I think I’ll pass. I’m maxed out, let’s just shower and go to bed.”

I turned around to face Saeran and put my arms around him.

Me: “I don’t have to ejaculate every time. I think we fucked enough for today and I’m plenty satisfied.”

Saeran: “My dick disagrees.”

Me: “How can you still be hard?”

Me: “Did you take a pill or something?”

Saeran: “No.”

He shrugged and gave me a devilish smirk. They washed their dicks and rinsed me, I found myself pressed between them again, I was facing Saeran, I licked his lower lip playfully, he entered me and deepened the kiss, his tongue locking with mine, then I grabbed Saeyoung’s cock, jerked him until hard enough to slip inside me, taking both of them in the same hole. It took some wiggling to fit them without crying in pain but it’s a lot easier than anal. I broke the kiss to lick his face and grab his butt to pull him into me with each of his thrusts. He took hold of my neck and squeezed, his thrusts grew quicker, the lightheadedness began, I let go of Saeran and felt myself drift to a state of bliss I had been in before. Saeyoung touched my clit and I gasped, I was too sensitive, I went limp for a second and they held me, lifting my legs to continue pounding me. I bit Saeran’s shoulder and he groaned loudly, slowing his pace. I scratched his back with my fingernails and he sunk his teeth in my arm. Saeyoung kept rubbing me and matched his brother’s pace, it was too much, I felt overwhelmed, my walls clenched them and I came, panting and growing limp, I tried to lower my legs but the twins secured me when I felt unsteady. I kissed Saeyoung hungrily and broke away when I felt them cum. Their erratic twitching let me know when they were done.

Me: “I’m going to regret this later.”

Saeran: “But it feels good now, doesn’t it?”

Me: “Sure, except I can’t feel my legs.”

Saeran: “Do you want a bath?”

Me: “Yes please.”

Saeyoung: “I’ll leave you 2.”

Me: “No. Stay. Please.”

Saeyoung: “As you wish.”

He turned on the shower and the twins finished cleaning themselves, I sat on the bathtub and watched.

Saeran: “Enjoying the view?”

Me: “As a matter of fact, yes.”

Saeyoung: “You dirty woman.”

Me: Yes, I‘m dirty, waiting to be cleaned, but for now, at least my eyes have been cleansed.”

Saeran chortled and Saeyoung sighed, turning off the shower.

Saeyoung: “Who do you want in the bathtub with you?”

Me: “Both of you.”

Saeran: “That’s a tight fit.”

Me: “Yeah well, it was a tight fit having both of you up my ass.”

They chuckled and started to fill the tub with warm water.

Me: “Is there an open wine bottle left?”

Saeran: “Maybe.”

Me: “Bring me some, please.”

Saeyoung: “You should drink water.”

Me: “Alright, I’ll have some water first.”

Saeran left for the kitchen and Saeyoung poured bubblebath solution into the water, turned off the faucet and sat behind me, I rested on his chest and swirled my hands into the soapy water, mindlessly picking up suds and letting them go.

Saeyoung: “How’s your ass?”

Me: “Violated.”

Saeyoung: “Harsh. Are you saying it like that to make me feel bad? It’s working. You know I chastise myself enough on my own.”

Me: “I’ll be fine, let’s just not have anal surprise in a while.”

Saeran handed us glasses of water and set the wine bottle on the floor before getting in the tub with us.

Me: “Did you drink water?”

Saeran: “I did, in the kitchen. I brought the wine bottle, it’s on the floor.”

Me: “Thanks sweetie.”

He sat in front of me, leaning his back on my chest and stomach, I circled my legs around him and he chuckled.

Saeran: “This isn’t so bad.”

Me: “It’s not bad at all.”

I finished drinking my water and put the glass on the floor, picking up the wine bottle and removing the cork.

Me: “I don’t remember opening this bottle.”

Saeran: “Jumin opened it. He was browsing your pitiful wine collection, according to him, and picked that one, saying he’d never tried it before.”

Me: “Of course he hasn’t, it’s cheap wine from the supermarket.”

Saeran: “Really? Well, he liked it. No wonder Jaehee looked like she was holding back laughter.”

Saeyoung: “Juju tasted mediocrity and liked it? This is useful information.”

Me: “Too bad I missed it, I’ll have to offer him some next time he’s over.”

I kissed Saeran’s hair and inhaled his scent, Saeyoung took a wash cloth and poured liquid soap on it to lazily clean me.

Me: “You can’t wash the sin away.”

Saeyoung: “I’m not trying to.”

Saeran: “Have you accepted that you’re a sinner?”

Saeyoung: “Oh, I know I’m a sinner, that doesn’t stop me from trying to repent.”

Saeran: “A futile attempt.”

Me: “Let him be. Whatever keeps his conscience clean is fine by me.”

Saeran: “I doubt he has a clean conscience.”

Saeyoung: “You’re right, I don’t. But it doesn’t do us any good to dwell on the past.”

Me: “Amen to that.”

I lifted the bottle and pressed the opening to my lips to take several gulps, sighing when there was nothing left, and placed the bottle on the floor. I licked my lips and turned my head to the side to stare at Saeyoung. I lifted my right arm and circled it around his neck to pull him in for a kiss, he responded with hunger for my mouth, slipping in his tongue. Saeran shifted between my legs and joined in the kiss, causing Saeyoung to pull away.

Saeyoung: “What are you doing?”

Saeran: “What? It’s not any different from fucking.”

Me: “He has a point.”

Saeran: “I’m kissing HER, not YOU.”

Saeyoung: “But your tongue touched mine.”

Saeran: “Your dick touches mine when we’re inside her, how is this any different?”

Saeyoung: “Because it IS different.”

Me: “Mmmm, not really babe. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.”

Saeran: “Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?”

Saeyoung: “I can’t believe you’re agreeing with him. Kissing my brother is wrong.”

Saeran: “Says who? Mom? Dad? The Pope?”

Saeyoung: “It’s incest.”

Saeran: “You said the same thing when I jerked you off, but you liked it.”

Saeyoung: “Against my better judgment.”

Me: “Really? When did THAT happen? You gave him a hand job?”

Saeran: “It was weeks ago, maybe months. He jerked me off too.”

Me: “Only once?”

Saeyoung: “Yes, just once.”

Me: “Oh, that’s interesting.”

Saeyoung: “Interesting? That’s all you have to say?”

Me: “What am I supposed to say?”

Saeyoung: “I don’t know. That it’s wrong, fucked up, incestuous.”

Me: “Babe, relax. If anything I think it’s weird you haven’t done it more times. Isn’t it technically masturbation?”

Saeyoung: “Christ Almighty, you sound like Saeran.”

Me: “Well, I dunno, is twincest a thing? It’s up to you to establish your own boundaries when it comes to what you’re willing to do or not. We’ve been having sex together for months now and I’ve noticed how much closer the 2 of you have gotten.”

Saeran: “Enough for double anal.”

Me: “My point exactly, and we’re not doing that again any time soon. A proper warning and preparation will be required for next time.”

Saeyoung: “There’ll be a next time?”

Me: “Don’t change the subject. We were talking about kissing.”

Saeyoung: “I can’t believe I kissed my brother.”

Me: “Well, we kissed each other, did you like it? That’s what matters.”

Saeyoung: “I dunno.”

Saeran: “It happened pretty suddenly, do you wanna try again?”

Saeyoung: “No! I’m not kissing you.”

Me: “You’re not kissing him, you’re kissing ME. Look, stop thinking so much and just close your eyes, let your senses guide you.”

Saeyoung: “You’re just as lecherous as my brother.”

Me: “Great, that’s why we’re perfect for each other.”

Saeyoung: “This is a terrible idea.”

Me: “Yeah well, so was double anal. This is easy. Relax and trust me.”

Saeyoung: “Don’t brush this off as easy. My Catholic guilt will haunt me.”

Saeran: “Shut up and kiss her already.”

Saeyoung brushed his lips with mine and I responded, initiating a make out session, I adjusted my position to allow Saeran to be more comfortable and then he joined, slipping his tongue into my mouth along with his brother’s. It was a bit odd at first having our mouths connected like that, when I opened my eyes I pulled away, a string of saliva that connected us, breaking. A breathy sigh left my lips and I focused my eyes on Saeyoung.

Me: “Well, what did you think?”

Saeyoung: “It was weird.”

Saeran: “You’re weird.”

Me: “Did it disgust you?”

Saeyoung: “No. You know that.”

Me: “Did you like it?”

Saeyoung: “I uh, didn’t hate it. I feel conflicted. It’s a strange feeling.”

Me: “I agree with you on that, it was a strange feeling.”

Saeran: “Because we’re kissing you or because we’re kissing each other?”

Me: “At least for me it’s the novelty of having 2 tongues in my mouth instead of one.”

Saeran: “I enjoyed it.”

Saeyoung: “My leg’s falling asleep, let’s finish cleaning up.”

I nodded and asked them to help me stand. Saeran drained the tub and turned on the shower, I washed my hair and we finished getting clean, when Saeyoung shut off the shower I called him. I put an arm around Saeran’s neck and the other around Saeyoung’s. I pressed myself against Saeran and kissed him, he kissed back, deepening the kiss, I peeked at Saeyoung, he looked thoughtful, I closed my eyes and he joined in the make out session, his arm encircling me, when we pulled away for air, we were embracing each other. It was a cute moment.

Saeyoung: “If you’re going to be a sinner, be the best sinner around, right?”

I pecked his cheek and winked.

Me: “You’re learning.”

Saeran: “Might as well go to hell together.”

I giggled and held his hand.

Me: “We’ll keep each other company.”

Saeyoung: “You are sin incarnate and you brother, are just as bad.”

Me: “But you love us anyway.”

Saeyoung: “To infinity and beyond.”

Me: “Alright space ranger, let’s get to bed, we have a noble mission to carry out at 1200 hours.”

Saeyoung: “Roger.”

Saeran: “Idiots.”

Me: “YOUR idiots.”

We finally got ready for bed, I curled up between them, reliving the day’s events in my head. It took me a long time to fall asleep, I was exhausted but my mind was racing. Saeran noticed I was still awake after a while and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on him and nuzzled his neck and shoulder.

Saeran: “Can’t sleep either, huh?”

Me: “No. My brain refuses to cooperate, keeps running in circles.”

Saeran: “What’s on your mind?”

Me: “Today in general.”

Saeran: “Which part?”

Me: “All of it.”

Saeran: “It’s been a long day.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Saeran: “Do you think Mr. Park will go to the party?”

Me: “I honestly have no idea but there’s a chance he will.”

Saeran: “You saw him up close, did you see a resemblance?”

Me: “Somewhat. You definitely got your eyes from him but he looks like he’s had some work done. I’d like to see pictures of him when he was younger.”

Saeran: “I think we take after our mother.”

Saeyoung: “Mostly the red hair and nose.”

Me: “Did we wake you?”

Saeyoung: “No. I’m still awake. I was trying to sleep though.”

Me: “Since you don’t have any pictures of her, you should draw her, I’d like to see what she looked like.”

Saeran: “Not sure if I can draw her from memory, or if I want to.”

Me: “It’s ok if you don’t want to.”

Saeran: “I can find pictures of him when he was younger though.”

Me: “It’s good to know what your parents looked like, when we have kids, it’s a reference for certain traits.”

Saeyoung: “That’s a good point. Your youngest niece looks a lot like Mama Mun than she does your sister.”

Me: “Yeah, she does. Ma showed you her albums right?”

Saeyoung: “She did, we saw them when you took your nephew to the library.”

Saeran: “You were a cute little girl.”

Me: “Haha, thanks, you were a cute boy yourself.”

Saeran: “Oh? Thanks. There aren’t many pictures of my childhood.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t think there are any of me.”

Me: “Pretty sure you were cute too.”

Saeyoung: “Thanks babe, speaking of cute, what’s the story behind the green tights?”

Me: “Oh, Ma didn’t tell you? I was a sunflower in my first school play, I loved wearing the tights so much that I wanted to wear them all the time. That’s why there are so many pictures of me wearing them.”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t see the school play pictures.”

Me: “It’s possible that my mom doesn’t have that album, it’s probably in the storage unit, along with my awards and certificates.”

Saeran: “Mama Mun said you were an excellent student.”

Me: “I did well in school overall, language and arts were my forte.”

Saeran: “They still are.”

Me: “True, I miss singing every now and then. We should go to a karaoke bar sometime.”

Saeyoung: “I doubt I can sing as good as Zen.”

Saeran: “I’d expect him to be better considering his career.”

Me: “I’m lucky to have him as my singing partner every chance I get, I had a lot of fun the last time I did karaoke with him.”

Saeran: “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sing.”

Me: “Hmmm, I hum more than actually sing out loud. How about a lullaby? I’m too tired to sing properly right now.”

Saeran: “Anything is fine.”

I sang a lullaby my mother used to sing to me when I was little. Even after I was a pretty big girl she’d sing it to me when I was sick or couldn’t sleep.

Saeyoung: “That was beautiful.”

Saeran: “You have a pretty singing voice.”

Me: “Thanks, not bad after sucking cock and getting choked.”

Saeyoung laughed and Saeran chuckled, nuzzling my hair with his nose.

Saeran: “I’ll look forward to a well rested throat then. And I thought your moans were music to my ears.”

Me: “I have many talents.”

Saeran: “That pretty little mouth is capable of much more than I thought.”

Saeyoung: “Many talents indeed, such as corrupting a sweet and harmless hacker like me.”

Saeran: “You’re anything but harmless.”

Me: “You’re sweet though.”

Saeyoung: “Is that why you’re always trying to eat me?”

Me: “It’s not my fault my teeth graze your dick when you’re really hard and keep shoving yourself down my throat.”

Saeran chortled and Saeyoung lightly poked my shoulder.

Saeyoung: “That’s not what I meant, I don’t mind the grazing during oral. Look at my shoulder.”

Me: “Oh, you meant the actual biting. Have you seen mine? You might as well be fucking vampires, the both of you like to sink your teeth into me, it’s only fair I do the same.”

Saeran: “I don’t mind when you bite me. I rather like it.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t hate it per se, it’s like you said once, it’s fine in the heat of the moment but the recovery is something else.”

Me: “Join the club.”

Saeyoung: “It’s depraved and painful.”

Saeran: “But full of pleasure.”

Me: “It’s best to give in to carnal pleasure, as long as there’s mutual consent, there’s no harm done.”

Saeyoung: “My shoulder disagrees.”

Saeran: “She bit me too and I’m not complaining.”

Me: “Maybe you shouldn’t give what you can’t receive. I should tear your ass open with my fist, see how you recover.”

Saeyoung: “I didn’t fist you.”

Saeran: “She meant that as an equivalent to our dicks.”

Me: “Ding ding ding. We have a winner.”

Saeyoung: “I’m sorry babe.”

Me: “Whatever, it happened, I’ll be fine.”

Saeran: “Can you fit your fist in your mouth?”

Me: “Not very easily, but yes. Why?”

Saeyoung: “He wants to know if our dicks fit in your mouth.”

Me: *sighs* “Probably, if you don’t mind the teeth digging into your sensitive flesh. I’m not looking forward to trying that.”

Saeran: “Just a thought.”

Saeyoung: “An errant thought.”

Me: “You’re one to talk.”

Saeran: “We made it up to you, didn’t we?”

Me: “I suppose it was a start.”

Saeyoung: “We should try to sleep.”

Me: “Emphasis on try.”

Saeyoung kissed my forehead and I snuggled between them again, did my best at trying to clear my mind and relax. Eventually I fell asleep, when I woke up Saeyoung wasn’t in the room and Saeran was walking out of the bathroom. I gave him a sleepy grin and he sat on the bed to embrace me.

Saeran: “Merry Christmas, princess.”

Me: “Mmmmmm, Merry Christmas, my king.”

Saeran: “We made breakfast.”

I kissed his cheek and made an effort to get out of bed. He helped me up and ushered my tired body to the bathroom, I was weak, but I could stand on my feet. I brushed my teeth, peed, and took my pills, Saeran waited for me at the door.

Saeran: “You ok?”

Me: “Just a little sore.”

Saeran: “We can stay home if you want.”

Me: “Today’s the party and we’re all going.”

Saeran: “You sure?”

Me: “Positive.”

Saeran: “Alright, I’ll get your coffee.”

Me: “Yes please.”

When he turned around I jumped on his back and he caught me, letting out a chuckle as he carried me to the kitchen and let me go next to his twin.

Saeyoung: “Merry Christmas babe.”

He smooched my lips and led me to the table. I was served a pretty looking meal that consisted of eggs, sausages, and vegetables. Saeran brought my coffee.

Me: “Did you guys already eat?”

Saeran: “We did.”

Saeyoung: “We can have lunch together. How are you feeling?”

Me: “Sore, but otherwise fine.”

Saeyoung: “I’m glad, I was afraid you’d say ‘violated’ again and break my heart.”

Saeran: “When did she say that?”

Me: “When I was in the bathtub and you went to get water.”

Saeyoung: “I asked her how her ass was, and she said ‘violated’.”

Saeran: “No need to wince at that word, idiot.”

Saeyoung: “Makes me feel dirty and guilty.”

Me: “Good.”

Saeran: “You could’ve used the safe word if you wanted.”

Me: Mmmm, true. I guess I felt like testing how far you’d go without me stopping you.”

Saeyoung: “You can get hurt that way.”

Me: “I trust you wouldn’t truly cause me damage.”

Saeran: “You mean like your ex did?”

I shrugged and didn’t answer.

Saeyoung: “We’re not monsters. It’s like you said, as long as there’s mutual consent, there’s no harm done.”

Me: “Yeah, let’s keep that rule in place.”

Saeran: “Your ex was a dirt bag. I’d never do anything against your will.”

Saeyoung: “I agree with him, I don’t think I’m capable of hurting you.”

Me: “Good, because if either of you hurt me or break my heart, I’m moving to Hong Kong with my family, understand?”

Saeran: “A little early for threats.”

Saeyoung: “Babe, relax, it’s Christmas.”

Me: “I’d rather make myself clear right now. Establish boundaries and all that. I might be too giving sometimes but don’t underestimate me.”

Saeran: “We know you’re not a fuck toy.”

Saeyoung: “Your happiness is my happiness. We love and care for you.”

Me: “Thank you. I guess I’m just tired, that’s all. I love you guys so much, you mean so much to me, and I enjoy being pampered like this. The little details you do for me show your love, and they don’t go unnoticed.”

Saeyoung: “We’d do anything for you.”

Saeran: “Finish your breakfast so we can open our presents together.”

Me: “Alright.”

We changed the subject to something more lighthearted, mostly about LOLOL while I finished eating and drinking my coffee. The boys were so giddy. As soon as I finished, Saeyoung swiped my plate and took it to the kitchen. We walked towards the tree and each got our presents, they were clearly labeled To and From. I got a laptop from Saeyoung.

Saeyoung: “A special work laptop with the specs to boot LOLOL and capable of multitasking effortlessly.”

Me: “Laptop? This weighs like a brick. If I put this on my lap it’ll cut off my circulation.”

Saeyoung: “I customized it just for you, besides you shouldn’t be using your computer on your lap, that’s how you ruin them when you spill drinks over the keyboard.”

Me: “Thanks babe, I’ll make sure to take care of this one and work on the table from now on. Open your gift now.”

It was a big box with a letter attached to the top. He opened the letter first and hummed to himself.

Saeyoung: “You adopted a star? MC707, a red star, BABE, this is… oh my God, it’s amazing! A star named after us?! Our very own star? You’re the best fiancée ever.”

Saeran: “How do you adopt a star?”

Me: “If you discover one, you can name it.”

Saeran: “And you just happened to discover a red star? How?”

Me: “I had help from the Star Association, they have friends all over the globe. They thought it was romantic that I wanted to name a star after my space loving hacker genius. I didn’t realize just how famous the hacker 707 was so it sparked interest in the astronomy community. It was supposed to be a birthday gift but the verification process took some time, I bought the telescope when the certificate arrived.”

Saeyoung: “Im, I’m, I’m… speechless.”

Me: “I got the idea when I reviewed astrophotography lenses last year, you can attach a camera to that telescope and take pictures of galaxies, nebulae, stars, anything in space.”

Saeran: “Really? That’s impressive.”

Saeyoung: “I’m so happy I could cry. Some people promise the moon but my babe gave me a star. Receipt included. This is the best gift ever, besides your love and patience.”

Saeran: “How does it feel to have a giant red ball of gas named after you?”

Saeyoung: “Ecstatic. I never thought it’d be possible.”

Me: “Love can make anything possible. I told you you’re like my sun, now there’s a sun out there burning bright named after us.”

Saeran: “Actually, it would’ve blown up by now and probably turned into a blackhole.”

Me: “Don’t spoil his excitement. At least it’ll be visible during our lifetime and possibly a few more generations.”

Saeyoung: “Our grandchildren will be able to look at the distant heavens and see our star, proof of our enduring love.”

Me: “Merry Christmas Saeyoung.”

Saeyoung: “I love you.”

Me: “Me too.”

Saeran opened a small box that held a pair of keys. He held them up and stared at his brother.

Saeyoung: “It’s yours. Merry Christmas little brother.”

Saeran: “You’re giving me your silver car?”

Saeyoung: “Sure, you need your own car and I have several. Take care of my baby, she’s yours now, feed her premium gas only. Maintenance guide is in the glove compartment.”

Saeran: “Thanks, really, I will.”

Me: “Now open mine.”

He unwrapped a box and took out what was inside, he held a book.

Saeran: “The Unknown Kingdom. What’s this?”

Me: “Read the author name.”

Saeran: “You wrote this?”

Me: “And illustrated it.”

Saeran: “No way.”

Me: “It’s a story book about us.”

Saeyoung: “When did you make this and how?”

Me: “On and off between work for 2 months I think.”

Saeran: “You even drew our mother. Pretty accurate depiction, a female with red hair sprawled on the bed with her arm hanging.”

Me: “I tried.”

Saeran: “This is really good. Is this supposed to be us as kids? Look, hyung.”

Me: “Yeah, I did my best, I went for a stylized drawing as opposed to realistic since it’s supposed to be a fairy tale book.”

Saeyoung: “Babe, these drawings are gorgeous, I can’t believe you did this. Always full of surprises aren’t you?”

Me: “After we had that confession time, it was a lot of information to process. Usually I vent by writing in my journal, you guys know that by now, but it didn’t feel right this time, so I turned to art. In one of my sketchbooks I drew a wizard that looked like Saeyoung and that’s where the idea came to me, to illustrate a fairy tale, using bits and pieces of our lives for the story. It was difficult keeping this from you.”

Saeran: “How did you hide this from us?”

Me: “Simple, you’re hackers. I drew and wrote everything by hand. Good old traditional media.”

Saeran: “Clever.”

Saeyoung: “That’s your handwriting? It’s beautiful.”

Me: “Yeah, I took calligraphy in school and college. I took the drawings and text to a print shop to get it digitized, printed on quality paper, and bound into a book.”

Saeran: “A fairy tale based on us. Wow. Is this why you call me ‘my king’?”

Me: “Ummm yeah, I guess I’ve been calling you that since I started working on the book.”

Saeyoung: “Thanks for making me the wizard. That was a nice touch.”

Me: “I figured you’d like that.”

Saeran: “The Queen, King, and Wizard ruled over the land in perfect harmony, guided by love and a fair sense of justice, providing peace and prosperity to the people during their reign, becoming an example for future generations. The End.”

Saeyoung: “I think it’s my favorite book.”

Me: “I can send you the digital version or have another copy made.”

Saeyoung: “Really? I mean, it’s Saeran’s gift.”

Me: “True, but his gift is the first edition.”

Saeran: “You accomplished your dream of writing a book and publishing it.”

Me: “Well, I self-published it, you’re holding the only copy.”

Saeran: “Still, it’s something you made. Thank you. You should consider submitting it for publishing.”

Me: “I’ll think about it.”

Saeyoung: “I hope you consider it.”

Saeran: “Open my gift now.”

It was in a large gift bag, I took out the tissue paper and pulled out a painting that Saeran made, it was a field of sunflowers and blue sky with white fluffy clouds.”

Me: “Saeran, this is exquisite, wow, so pretty I could cry.”

Saeran: “You said sunflowers were your favorite kind of flower. Mrs. Kwan showed me a painting by Van Gogh and I used it as a reference.”

Me: “And Van Gogh is also one of my favorite painters.”

Saeran: “I didn’t know that, but I guess Mrs. Kwan does.”

Me: “Yes, she does. This is perfect, I’m proud of your progress and speechless by its beauty.”

Saeyoung: “We should hang it in the dining room. It looks amazing bro. Who knew you’d be an excellent painter?”

Saeran: “I wouldn’t say excellent, but I feel proud of my work I have good teachers.”

Me: “You’re a good student and you should feel proud of your work.”

Saeran: “I wouldn’t be painting if it weren’t for your encouragement.”

Me: “I’m glad you enjoy painting. It’s therapeutic, isn’t it?”

Saeran: “Yeah, it is.”

Saeyoung: “What’s left?”

Me: “Your gift from Saeran.”

He pulled out a book from a gift bag.

Saeyoung: “You had this?”

Saeran: “For a while.”

Me: “Is that the book you read when you were kids?”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, the one with the wizard.”

Me: “I wish I could’ve read it sooner to use as reference.”

Saeyoung: “Awwww babe, don’t worry, your wizard is better.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Saeyoung: “How did you get this?”

Saeran: “Yoosung found it among Rika’s things, I saw it at his apartment and asked him about it, told him it was mine and he gave it to me.”

Saeyoung: “How did Rika have it?”

Saeran: “I’m not sure myself, maybe she took it from the house in one of her visits.”

Saeyoung: “Thank you, both of you, for the best Christmas ever.”

Me: “Not bad for our first proper Christmas, huh?”

Saeran: “I liked last year’s gift. The tub of ice cream was nice.”

Me: “Ah, you’re welcome, it was a half-assed gesture.”

Saeran: “The effort was appreciated, nonetheless. My mood swings were still pretty bad, the medication helped, but the withdrawal seemed to go on forever. I’m sorry we couldn’t be more festive.”

Saeyoung: “It’s not your fault, we were all coping with what happened.”

Me: “Post Mint Eye life was pretty tough. I remember being drunk a lot.”

Saeyoung: “Yeah, I was concerned for your liver.”

Me: “Just my liver?” I stuck my tongue out and sighed. “Zen told me you considered taking me to rehab. You had a lot on your plate helping Saeran, I didn’t know what to do with myself.”

Saeran: “It’s all in the past now. Let’s get ready if you still want to go to the party.”

I had promised Jaehee I’d be at the venue at noon to help with the donations. Honestly, I wanted to stay home where it was warm and clothes are optional, but I made a promise and I stick to my plans. We got dressed and ready, Saeyoung drank 2 cans of Dr. Pepper Cherry when he thought I wasn’t looking but there was no time to scold him so I let it slide. With his Formula 1 driving skills, we made it just in time to the venue. I told the twins to please stay by my side when we arrived.

Saeyoung: “You ok?”

Me: “Just tired.”

Saeyoung: “We all are, it’s going to be a long day.”

Saeran: “Let’s just get this over with.”

We caught up with Jaehee and I told her I’d stay at the front of the line to accept the donations with the twins, she thanked me and ran off to continue managing the logistics. At least I got to sit at the donations table, I was still feeling sore. Saw familiar faces from the last party and got to meet guests from last year’s event, plenty of new people made it, things went smoothly. At around 15:00 Saeyoung stepped out to get lunch. Yoosung covered for me while I ate backstage, Zen had arrived by the time I made it back to the table.

Zen: “Whew, almost took forever to get here. Merry Christmas! How are you guys doing?”

Me: “Okay I guess, didn’t sleep much, morning coffee isn’t cutting it.”

Zen: “Do you want me to get you some coffee?”

Me: “Would you? You can take a security guard with you and have him bring it to me in case people crowd you.”

Zen: “Ah, ok, I’ll do that. I better get moving, don’t want to hold up the line.”

Me: “I’ll see you later.”

Saeyoung asked the guard next to him to accompany Zen and they disappeared into the crowd. I wasn’t freezing my ass off but it was cold, I was happy when I got that cup of coffee Zen promised, it felt nice to hold on to something warm in my hands. Close to 17:00 I spotted the Prime Minister in the line.

Me: “Babe, look, it’s your dad.”

Saeran: “The fucker actually came.”

Saeyoung: “Of course he did, it’ll look good for his campaign and he wouldn’t miss any opportunity for good press.”

I shrugged and kept accepting the donations and writing down the amount in the ledger, when Mr. Park made it to the front of the line, I greeted him like any other guest.

Mr. Park: “Merry Christmas Miss Mun, I see you’re wearing the gift I sent.”

Me: “Good to see you again, Merry Christmas. I’m honored to receive such a thoughtful gift. I’d like you to meet Saeyoung and Saeran Choi.”

They stood up and stared for a few seconds before bowing.

Saeyoung: “If you win the election, we hope that aside from having Korea’s best interest in mind, you’ll think of what kind of country you’d want your grandchildren to grow up in.”

Mr. Park: “The children are the future, good advice Mr. Choi, I’ll keep that in mind. Take good care of Miss Mun, she’s a remarkable woman.”

Saeyoung: “Yes, she’s amazing. Merry Christmas, father.”

Saeran: “Nice of you to stop by.”

Me: “I’m happy you could come and share a moment of your time with us. Family is important to me Mr. Park and the RFA is my family, thank you for coming, hope this won’t be the last time we see each other.”

Mr. Park: “Yes, family is important, you’ll make a good mother some day.”

Me: “Looking forward to being a grandfather?”

Mr. Park: “Haha, we’ll see. Take care Miss Mun and thank you.”

I accepted his donation, shook his hand, and off he went. I sighed deeply and the boys sat down. I found a piece of paper folded inside the envelope and handed it to Saeran while I wrote down the amount on the ledger.

Saeran: “It says: To my offspring, I’m sorry for everything, I wish you happiness. Merry Christmas, your father.”

Saeyoung: “Maybe the old man really did have a change of heart.”

Saeran: “If that’s the case, it’s the only gift that bastard could give us that’s worth anything.”

Me: “This Christmas keeps getting better and better.”

Saeyoung: “It’s all thanks to you babe.”

Me: “I can’t take all the credit, I just worked hard and things happened to work in my favor.”

Saeyoung: “Your efforts paid off, our gifts to you pale in comparison to what you’ve done for us.”

Me: “It’s not a competition. Your love is the best gift and I receive it every day, besides, freeing you from your past makes a future for us possible, one without restrictions imposed by your father.”

Saeyoung: “He was right, you’re a remarkable woman.”

Me: “You’re distracting me.”

Saeyoung: “Sorry.”

Saeran: “This is mind-numbingly boring.”

I kept taking and writing down donations, Jumin arrived at 19:30 but made it to the front of the line at 20:05.

Jumin: “I was informed that Mr. Park came by.”

Me: “He did, we had a nice chat, met his sons, and he made a big donation.”

Jumin: “No troubles then?”

Saeran: “He wished us happiness and Merry Christmas.”

Jumin: “I see, I hope that situation is finally resolved. Take this blank check and make my donation 3 times what he donated.”

Me: “Alright. Do you want to know what that amounts to?”

Jumin: “No, I’ll see it on the screen once it’s up.”

Me: “Should I make the donation in your name or C&R?”

Jumin: “I gave you a personal check.”

Me: “Right. Merry Christmas Jumin.”

Jumin: “I’m very proud of you and everything you’ve done. Merry Christmas. I’ll see you later.”

We waved goodbye and Jumin nodded, his bodyguards escorted him away, time passed pretty quickly, we stayed at the donations table ‘til 21:00 when my coworker relieved me of my post. The boys ushered me backstage.

Me: “I’m so glad I’m done. I can’t wait to go home.”

Saeran: “What’s stopping you?”

Me: “My party coordinator duties. I can’t let Jaehee do everything.”

Saeran: “Does she ever take a day off?”

Me: “No, but I’m trying to do something about that.”

Saeyoung: “The article you’re working on?”

Me: “Yup. I hope to see results by New Year’s.”

Saeyoung: “If anyone has a chance at convincing Jumin to do anything, it’s definitely you.”

Me: “I hope so, for the sake of my friend.”

Saeran: “If you can convince the shady Prime Minister to back off killing his bastard children for political gain, I’m sure you can get Jumin to give Jaehee a vacation.”

Me: “I guess. All I can do is try.”

I chuckled and leaned on him for support. I scanned the area to see if I could spot Jaehee, instead I saw Yoosung and Zen carrying boxes.

Saeran: “You’re shivering.”

Me: “Oh, it’s colder now.”

He put his arms around me tightly and held me like that for a while.

Saeran: “Better?”

Me: “Yeah.”

The head of security let me know that Jumin was on his way to the stage and that I was expected to join him. Saeran let me go and I headed to the stage with a guard escorting me. I stood by Jumin next to the podium as he gave a thank you speech, a few words about family, and a closing statement. He introduced me and I stepped up to the microphone, I’m not used to public speaking, I looked at the crowd and saw the faces of my friends among them, I said a few words of gratitude and the feeling of giving without expecting anything in return, a Merry Christmas, and Good Night. Short, sweet, and to the point. I hate speeches but it’s part of the job and I was happy I didn’t feel anxious and kept myself in check. Jaehee stepped up and announced that the donations were closed. We all got ready to wrap up the event.

Yoosung: “I think this is the most we’ve ever collected.”

Jaehee: “The biggest donation was made by Mr. Han.”

Yoosung: “He always donates though. Isn’t it still a lot without his donation?”

Me: “Probably, I’d have to check past donations. This time around he asked me to write triple the amount than what the Prime Minister donated.”

Yoosung: “Why triple?”

Me: “Because he’s Jumin and he does whatever he wants with his money.”

Zen: “Probably trying to show off or make C&R look good.”

Yoosung: “Most likely both, he has the luxury of giving away that kind of money on a whim.”

Zen: “Where is he?”

Saeran: “Talking to someone over there by the PA.”

Jaehee: “That’s Sara Choi, Chairman Han wants Jumin to marry her.”

Zen: “He seems annoyed as ever, I can’t imagine him married.”

Me: “Jumin hates her because she’s a gold-digger. She’s been trying to get Chairman Han to buy her company for more money than it’s worth but no matter what Jumin tells him, his father won’t listen.”

Jaehee: “Chairman Han is easily blindsided by a pretty looking woman.”

Me: “Babe, maybe you can help.”

Saeyoung: “Me? How?”

Me: “By doing what you do best, gathering intel.”

Saeran: “It should be easy to expose a social ladder climber like her.”

Saeyoung: “Alright, we’ll help.”

Saeran: “We kind of owe him.”

Yoosung: “For what?”

Saeyoung: “Helping us get our lives back.”

Me: “His father will only listen if Jumin presents solid evidence that Sara is a fraud.”

Saeran: “We’ll dig up the dirt and present it neatly organized.”

Jaehee: “I’ll send you everything I have on her. Can you believe she showed up at my apartment?”

Yoosung: “No way!”

Zen: “Why would she go to your place?”

Me: “Probably to scope the competition, you know, to see if Jumin had any possible interest in his assistant.”

Jaehee: “Her and Glam Choi.”

Zen: “The actress?”

Me: “She’s dating Chairman Han.”

Zen: “Seriously?”

Me: “Indeed.”

Jaehee: “There’s something disturbing about those women.”

Saeyoung: “It’ll be the battle of the Chois.”

Yoosung: “That’s funny.”

Me: “I’m rooting for the Choi Bois, those women need to go.”

Saeran: “Child’s play.”

Jumin approached our group, a disgruntled Sara stomping in the distance.

Me: “Sara bothering you again?”

Jumin: “Yes, that woman is unrelenting. I’d like to know how she bypassed security.”

Me: “She’s cunning, probably found an opening since we’re closing and a lot of people are exiting.”

Jumin: “She’s insufferable.”

Me: “I know, I’ve had the honor of bumping into her.”

Jumin: “When?”

Me: “When I interviewed you recently, she tried to talk down to me in front of Jaehee because I was going into your office without checking in and she wasn’t even allowed on the floor.”

Jaehee: “She faltered when MC said that she’s your friend and doesn’t need permission to go into your office.”

Jumin: “That’s technically not true.”

Me: “Oh Jumin, but the look on her face was worth it to be so casual about it, I just wanted to mess with her. I told her I was there on official business for C&R Magazine as Chief Editor. When she said I better not be flirting with you I told her I wasn’t interested because I already have 2 lovers waiting for me at home and that I don’t need a sugar daddy, I work hard to be self sufficient.”

Jaehee: “Miss Choi was fuming with anger. It was fun watching them interact.”

Jumin: “How amusing. You were so open about having 2 lovers. But, what’s a sugar daddy?”

Yoosung: “Oh god, Jumin, you should know.”

Zen: “It’s what they call a rich man that buys things and dotes someone usually much younger with money and things. Basically your father with every woman he’s with.”

Me: “The gold-diggers are called sugar babies, but yeah, there’s usually an age gap.”

Yoosung: “And you said all that to her face?”

Me: “She got on my nerves, she has an irritating personality. I didn’t have to explain myself to her but to save her the trouble of looking me up and showing up at my office I flat out told her I had a valid reason for being there, unlike her, and that I’m not involved with Jumin, because I’ve got 2 lovers already.”

Yoosung: “Noona, you don’t let anyone intimidate you.”

Me: “Of course not, she’s trash.”

Saeran: “If anyone can put her where she belongs, it’s you.”

Jumin: “No wonder she was looking in this direction with an angry look on her face, she must’ve seen you.”

Saeran: “With her 2 lovers.”

I laughed and Zen joined.

Saeyoung: “We’ll get her off your back.”

Jumin: “Do as you please. I don’t wish to dedicate any more time on the topic of Sara Choi.”

Me: “Consider it done.”

Zen: “We grabbing beers?”

Me: “Let’s eat the gingerbread house we made first.”

Yoosung: “You brought it?”

Me: “Of course, tradition dictates we eat it before midnight.”

We walked to where I had placed it.

Me: “The hands that made it will now eat it. Merry Christmas everyone.”

Everyone: “Merry Christmas.”

We each took a piece and ate some.

Yoosung: “This is pretty good. I’ve had ginger cookies but not gingerbread.”

Zen: “I think I’ve had enough sweets for a while.”

Jumin: “Thank you for including us in your family tradition.”

Me: “Thanks for welcoming me into the RFA.”

Jumin: “That was V’s decision.”

Me: “I’m grateful to him in some ways, I wouldn’t be here without him.”

Zen: “None of us would.”

Jumin: “It might be called RFA but it was V’s support for Rika’s vision that created this organization.”

Yoosung: “The original founders might be gone but the vision to help people remains.”

Me: “You’re right. What matters is helping others and I think we’ve helped each other grow in the process.”

Jumin: “That was a very mature statement Yoosung.”

Yoosung: “Can’t be a kid forever. I’ve had a lot of time to think.”

Me: “To err is human, to forgive is divine. I’m the only one here that didn’t know the founders personally. Their intentions were noble at first, but they got lost along the way on their quest to save others, they neglected to save themselves.

Jumin: “An eloquent way to put it.”

Zen: “For not knowing them very well, you’re quite intuitive.”

Me: “It’s been fun everyone, but I’m tired and want to go home.”

Jaehee: “Thank you for all your work, I couldn’t have done this so smoothly without you.”

Zen: “Guess we’ll grab that beer another time.”

Yoosung: “You’ll have one anyway alone in your apartment.”

Zen: “A mighty fine suggestion.”

Me: “We’ll hang out some other time.”

Zen: “I’m counting on it.”

We all went our separate ways after saying good night. I practically deflated when I got in the car. I was so exhausted.

Saeyoung: “How are you feeling?”

Me: “Deceased.”

Saeran: “Cold and stiff?”

Saeyoung: “I can fix one of those.”

He turned on the heater, I had to take off my coat halfway home.

Saeyoung: “Those bruises are looking a terrible shade of purple that matches your dress. I read that vinegar is good for diffusing bruises, we should try that.”

Me: “Sure, why not? You made them, you can unmake them.”

Saeyoung: “Aww honey, don’t be like that. You make it sound like it’s a mess I made that I need to clean up.”

Me: “Isn’t it?”

Saeran snickered.

Me: “Why you laughing? You’re just as guilty.”

Saeran: “You’re right, we both choked you.”

Me: “Is it fun marking your territory?”

Saeran: “I’m not a dog and you’re not my property, but yes, I enjoy marking you. Unlike my brother, I don’t mind looking at the bruises.”

Saeyoung: “I don’t like them because she looks like she was abused.”

Me: “That’s because I was.”

Saeyoung: “You were NOT. It’s not abuse if you like it.”

Saeran: “She likes to be abused, that’s the difference.”

Me: “To a certain point, sure.”

Saeran: “We all have our limits. Rika used to say that to achieve happiness you had to embrace the darkness, feed the devil inside you.”

Me: “I’ve accepted the devil inside me, you can embrace your darkness as long as it doesn’t harm others. Some devils shouldn’t be fed. My ex got off on my suffering, he enjoyed watching me bleed and cry, that kind of darkness shouldn’t be embraced.”

Saeran: “True, rapists are something else.”

Saeyoung: “They were both sick.”

Me: “I think they lacked love. People that are loved don’t go out of their way to harm others.”

Saeran: “You do if you’re a sociopath.”

Saeyoung: “Love can’t fix everything. You’re too pure for this cruel world.”

Me: “Um yeah sure, too pure for this world. Thanks.”

Saeran: “The devil inside her disagrees.”

Me: “I’m either pure or dirty, make up your mind.”

Saeyoung: “You have a pure heart and a dirty mind.”

Me: “I guess that describes me.”

When we got home I took off my makeup and got in the shower, the twins joined me for a quick rinse, we got out and went to bed, not bothering to put clothes on. I feel asleep almost instantly after my face hit the pillow. A rarity, true sign of exhaustion, it usually takes me a while to fall asleep. When I woke up Saeyoung was still sleeping and Saeran had left for work. I had a text from him that said that he called in sick for me and that I should rest and work from home. I went back to sleep and when I woke up again I was alone in the room, I grabbed my phone to check what time it was and Saeran suddenly walked in, startling me.

Me: “You scared me.”

Saeran: “Didn’t mean to. Did you just wake up?”

Me: “Sorta. I woke up earlier, read your text, and went back to sleep.”

Saeran: “You looked like you needed the rest.”

Me: “Thanks, I feel, rested.”

Saeran: “Well, it’s the middle of the afternoon.”

Me: “I see that, since you probably just got home from work.”

Saeran: “I did.”

I yawned, stretched my limbs while laying down, and sat up, patting a spot next to me so he’d sit. He flashed a devilish smirk and sat on the bed with me, I quickly circled my arms around him and inhaled deeply, then exhaled.

Me: “You always smell so good.”

Saeran: “Oh? Is that so, princess?”

Me: “Yes, my king. And you feel good too.”

I crawled my hand under his shirt to graze my nails over his chest and abdomen.

Saeran: “What else?”

Me: “I love how you taste. I could eat you.”

I licked his neck and jawline.

Me: “You’re like a drug. I’m addicted to you.”

Saeran: “Addicted to me or my cock?”

Me: “All of you.”

I squeezed him tighter and inhaled his hair.

Me: “Saeran, I love every bit of you.”

Saeran: “I love every bit of you too.”

Me: “You complete me.”

He chuckled.

Saeran: “I could say the same. You’re the one that truly saved me from myself.”

Me: “I helped, but I didn’t do it alone, your brother saved you.”

Saeran: “He rescued me and saved my life, but you gave it meaning.”

Me: ‘I know what it’s like to feel bereft after losing your sense of purpose. I grew to like you for you. Little by little I saw how you started to resemble something other than what I thought you were.”

Saeran: “What was I to you?”

Me: “Think back a year ago. You were my boyfriend’s crazy brother. Ex-cultist, drug addict. Homicidal. Suicidal. Traumatized.”

Saeran: “Right. I was a mess.”

Me: “Once I started living here you changed.”

Saeran: “I didn’t hate you, just my brother.”

Me: “You deserve a chance at happiness and I did my best to be nice to you even when you were being less than pleasant.”

Saeran: “You’re too understanding.”

Me: “I could’ve easily hated you for everything you did, but it was my choice to forgive you, once I did that, I saw the person behind the pain.”

Saeran: “Why do you love me?”

Me: “Love isn’t rational but, how I came to love you is simple, the more time we spent together, the more I liked you. You have a charm of your own and I was attracted to that.”

Saeran: “A charm of my own, huh?”

Me: “You might look like your brother but a year ago I wouldn’t have held you like this unless I was drunk and mistook you for him. Now I embrace you because I love you. I’m happy right now, here, with you.”

Saeran: “That night you came home all drunk and you thought I was Saeyoung, I could’ve slept with you. You wanted to.”

Me: “I was all too willing, wasn’t I? I was really drunk, Saeyoung wouldn’t have fucked me that night, he would’ve given me water and put me to bed, he doesn’t like sloppy drunken sex.”

Saeran: “I don’t regret my decision, I considered your offer briefly but as much as I love tormenting my brother, it wouldn’t have been fair to you.”

Me: “And I appreciate that, it showed character and that move scored you points with me.”

Saeran: “You keep a score?”

Me: “Not literally, more like every action has consequences and I judge accordingly. You, not taking advantage of me that night, made me trust you. I was vulnerable and you cared for me instead of sleeping with me.”

Saeran: “Now we sleep together every night.”

I chuckled and ruffled his hair.

Me: “Or day.”

Saeran: “Is that an invitation?”

Me: “Wasn’t meant to be. Just a fact.”

Saeran: “I still don’t know what you see in me.”

Me: “Love. Unbridled love. I just can’t get enough of you.”

Saeran: “Because you’re addicted to me.”

I licked the shell of his ear and whispered “Precisely, you make all my senses go haywire.”  
He shifted on the bed to face me and pecked my lips, whispering “Come shower with me.”

I nodded and let go of him, he helped me out of the bed and got into the shower first. I brushed my teeth, peed, and took my pills. I peeked into the curtain to catch a glimpse of him showering, water rivulets coursed down his slender body, he caught me staring, I was admiring his butt when he looked over his shoulder and smirked.

Saeran: “You coming or not?”

Me: “I just might.”

I giggled at my double entendre and got in the shower with him, he turned around to face me.

Saeran: “Are you really addicted to me?”

Me: “Like a junkie waiting for their next hit.”

Saeran: “Do you even know what that’s like?”

Me: “You know love is a powerful drug right? It affects the brain similar to cocaine, allegedly.”

Saeran: “Is that why you like to blow me?”

Me: “Oh, ha ha.”

Saeran: “Do you want me?”

Me: “I always want you.”

Saeran: “More than my brother?”

Me: “I… umm…” I looked away for a moment and he pressed himself against me, his hands reaching for my butt and pulling me closer to him, my lips grazed his collarbone and I sucked on it, kissing and suckling his neck and jaw, he squeezed my butt tighter and I turned to look at him, his eyes were piercing, I took a deep breath and said “Yes.” His eyes grew softer and a grin spread across his face. I pressed my lips to his and he kissed back passionately, didn’t have time to process what happened. It was a little scary to admit that I enjoyed engaging physically with Saeran more than I did Saeyoung. I don’t know why that is, but it’s just the way it goes and he was enjoying this fact. I cupped his face and slowly glided my hands down his body until reaching his hips, I could feel his erection poking my thigh, I lifted my leg a little and positioned his dick between my thighs, pinching him in place to jerk him, he started to thrust and I broke the kiss to gasp for air. The friction felt really good, if I pulled him towards me by his ass, his cock glided across my clit. I angled my hips upwards and he grazed his tip with my entrance, each of his thrusts inching him closer to penetrating me. I pulled him into me, his cock finally plunging deep, he pushed me towards the wall to fuck me, resting his hands on my hips, I spread my legs a little wider and rocked myself in rhythm with his thrusts. My mouth hungered for his, I moaned his name which prompted him to look at me. “Kiss me” I uttered and he crashed his lips with mine, letting go of my hips to cup my breasts, he found my sweet spot and I moaned into his mouth, his thrusts growing faster and the kiss sloppier, I held on to his shoulders to steady myself and broke the kiss to bite his shoulder, muffling my cry of ecstasy, he cupped my face and asked me to look at him, a whimper escaping my mouth, my gaze focused on his eyes, they were like smoldering embers, his thrusts slowed down and I felt him twitch inside me, his lips parted to let out a moan and I leaned in to drink it up, licking his cheeks, lips, and tongue while rubbing against him. I let go of him after his final twitch, prying myself off him and sighing deeply. He lifted my chin with a finger and I peered at him, his face was flush, and his devilish smirk plastered on his face. I gave him a grin of my own and grabbed the soap to make some lather, he snatched it from my hand and proceeded to clean me himself, he lathered and rinsed my face gently, followed by the neck and shoulders, he took his time lathering my breasts and back in circling motions, I took a wash cloth and poured liquid soap while he rinsed my back, when I turned around I lathered his neck and torso, my hands lingered over his chest and abdomen, I looked up and saw him staring, he seemed amused, a ghost of a smile on his lips. I made sure to wash every inch of him. It’s a miracle we didn’t end up fucking again because that shower left me more aroused than relaxed. He slapped my ass and turned off the shower, I whined a bit ‘cause it stung. He caught me staring his backside while he dried.

Saeran: “You really like my ass.”

Me: “It’s a good asset.”

Saeran: “So is yours.”

We got out of the bathroom and I put on my fancy robe after drying. Saeran went to help Saeyoung dig up dirt on Sara Choi and I decided to ditch work to write in my journal. I didn’t really have anything important to turn in. Have to tell Jumin the cherry wine was amazing and that I need another bottle. I can honestly say that this has been the best Christmas ever, as an adult. I have plenty of fond memories with my family as a child but this was different. Friends and lovers are the family you choose and that’s a special thing. I’m not worried about making next Christmas bigger or better, I’m just happy to spend it with the people I love.


	38. Love is a drug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The brothers have a chat about MC in the work room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not in diary entry form since this is a scene MC doesn't participate in. I wanted to write a bit of interaction between the Choi bois.

Saeran entered Saeyoung’s work room with his laptop and laid it on a table. Spreadsheets and an email inbox were visible on the monitors.

**Saeran:** Find anything incriminating yet?

**Saeyoung** : The most important lie I uncovered is that Sarah is actually Glam Choi’s sister.

**Saeran:** And the spreadsheets are?

**Saeyoung:** Her company’s expenses.

**Saeran:** Do you need help?

**Saeyoung:** Sure, trace these purchases, I have a feeling she used company money for personal reasons, that’s not going to sit well with Jumin. Jaehee found some information that’s in my email that I’ve been corroborating about the company’s worth and the numbers given to Sr. Han are way off.

**Saeran:** Alright, give me the files and I’ll get on it.

**Saeyoung:** How is she?

**Saeran:** She’s fine, she woke up when I got home from work.

**Saeyoung:** Did she eat?

**Saeran:** She should be doing that by now, we showered and I saw her in the kitchen when I went to my room to get the laptop. You can ask her yourself if you’re so worried.

**Saeyoung:** I know, I just, don’t wanna seem too overbearing. She doesn’t like it, I prefer to give her space.

**Saeran:** Suit yourself. Just remember that communication is key. She gets annoyed when you tell her things but also if you don’t.

**Saeyoung:** Accurate description of our fiancée. Sometimes you see things about her easier than I do.

**Saeran:** Like what?

**Saeyoung:** I dunno, it’s like you’re more in sync with her needs.

**Saeran:** Maybe I just pay closer attention.

**Saeyoung:** Maybe.

**Saeran:** I learned something about her today.

**Saeyoung:** What?

**Saeran:** I didn’t think she’d answer, but she did.

**Saeyoung:** Oh? And what would that be? Cut the suspense.

**Saeran:** Let me provide context first. I told you she woke up when I got home, she was startled to see me in the bedroom but asked me to sit down with her on the bed, she seemed happy and started to basically seduce me, telling me I smell and taste good and that I’m like a drug and she’s addicted to me, so I asked her if she was addicted to me or my cock, she said she loved all of me and that I complete her.

**Saeyoung:** So what did she admit, that she loves you more than me?

**Saeran:** No. Let me finish. We talked a bit and I asked her why she loves me, she said I had a charm of my own, that I’m different than you, and the night she was drunk and thought I was you, she appreciated I didn’t make a move. Anyway, she had her hands under my shirt and seemed like she wanted to fool around, so I invited her to take a shower. I was dirty from work and she just got up, it made sense, once we’re in the shower I ask her if she’s really addicted to me and her reply shocked me, she said “Like a junkie waiting for their next hit”.

**Saeyoung:** Strong statement.

**Saeran:** I agree, which is why I asked her if she even knew what that’s like.

**Saeyoung:** And what did she say?

**Saeran:** That love is a powerful drug and she compared it to cocaine.

**Saeyoung:** She’s not wrong, love is a drug, it releases dopamine and activates the pleasure center of the brain. Cocaine and other drugs also activate that part of the brain, there are studies about newly formed couples and the amount of dopamine they experience to prove why people get “drunk on love”.

**Saeran:** You think she’s drunk on love?

**Saeyoung:** I don’t think, I know she is.

**Saeran:** Even so, I asked her if she wanted me and her reply was that she always wants me.

**Saeyoung:** Not surprised she’d say that, her libido practically knows no bounds.

**Saeran:** True, what I didn’t expect was when I asked her if she wanted me more than you, she stammered and averted her gaze. I pressed myself against her to get a reaction and pulled her closer to me, her lips bumped into my collarbone and she started to kiss and slurp my neck and jaw, I wanted an answer, anything really, I squeezed her butt and she finally returned her gaze, taking a deep breath and saying yes.

**Saeyoung:** And then you fucked.

**Saeran:** Well, yeah.

**Saeyoung:** Do you really love her? Or do you just enjoy fucking her?

**Saeran:** Both, obviously. Besides, I’m the one that was insecure about her love for me and now you doubt my feelings?

**Saeyoung:** I know she loves you, but do you really love her?

**Saeran:** She’s your first love too, you don’t get to give me a speech about not knowing enough about society or relationships, it’s not like you experienced much more than me anyway.

**Saeyoung:** You’re right, as your brother, I want you to be happy, but as her lover I don’t want her to get hurt.

**Saeran:** She likes it when I hurt her.

**Saeyoung:** I know, I meant the emotional kind.

**Saeran:** Hyung, I love her, she’s my reason for living.

**Saeyoung:** Mine too.

There was a pause in their conversation, only the sound of typing and clicking could be heard.

**Saeran:** Are you jealous?

**Saeyoung:** No. If she wants rough sex, you can give it to her, but when she wants role play, she’ll come to me.

**Saeran:** I think that’s what she meant when she said I complete her, what she doesn’t get from you, she gets from me.

**Saeyoung:** That’s generally how a polyamorous relationship works.

**Saeran:** I don’t even know how a normal one works.

**Saeyoung:** There’s no such thing as a normal relationship though, everyone is different and relationships work depending on compatibility, it’s mostly deciding what you’re willing to withstand or sacrifice for another person.

**Saeran:** It has to be more than that.

**Saeyoung:** It is, but in essence, I think that’s what it boils down to.

**Saeran:** What are you sacrificing for her?

**Saeyoung:** I sacrificed my life. The day I left the house and went to the apartment where we almost died if the bomb went off. Leaving the agency put a target on my head as well, but that decision was made...

**Saeran:** Because of me.

**Saeyoung:** Both of you. I couldn’t have my brother and a girlfriend working as an agent.

**Saeran:** I suppose not.

**Saeyoung:** What do YOU withstand?

**Saeran:** You.

**Saeyoung:** Ow, my heart. Critical hit. Fatality.

**Saeran:** You shouldn’t be surprised.

**Saeyoung:** I’m not. Deep down, I know you don’t mean it. Loving me is accepting me, quirks and all.

**Saeran:** You might be an idiot, but you’re my idiot brother.

**Saeyoung:** It’s easier to say, I love you hyung.

**Saeran:** That’s not happening, how about Fuck off and let’s get done with this?

**Saeyoung:** Fine.

The sounds of clicking and tapping filled the room once again. Brothers working together for the sake of their friend.


	39. Flowers and hanboks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Planning a wedding can be stressful even when you have a wedding planner, the view of the mountains sparked MC's creativity into overdrive, trying to plan the most beautiful wedding she can imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter to move the story forward.

Dear diary,

The venue for the wedding is set, along with the rest of the accommodations. After visiting so many places in Seoul and neighboring towns, I asked my wedding planner what other options were available in the countryside after I saw a flyer for a spa in the mountains. I told her anywhere but Jeollabuk-do, since Mint Eye was around that area. She advised a spring wedding and showed me pictures of the different mountains that had flower festivals, the one that caught my eye the most was the Gurye Sansuyu Festival in Jirisan Mountain, the landscape is covered in yellow cornelian cherry flowers in March and the view is spectacular. Saeran loves flowers and their meaning, I knew Jirisan would be the perfect place when I looked up yellow sansuyu, it means eternal love in the language of flowers. The rest was easy, booking the hotel for all the guests and the temple, I decided I wanted a traditional wedding, even though we’re not traditional people, as much as I love the boys in suits, it’s the perfect opportunity to get them both in hanboks, that should appease Saeyoung’s need to dress up. We went to Jeollanam-do last weekend to check out the different hotels and temples, I can’t wait to go back in the spring once the snow has melted, I really loved the germanium hot springs, it felt nice to get away from the city and rest a bit, I can’t say it was a relaxing vacation since it was a long trip and I was running around with the wedding planner. As soon as I thought something was a good idea I snapped pictures for the boys and they met up with me to confirm. They mostly left everything for me to decide, trusting my judgment, I mean it’s true that winter made it all look dreary but they saw photos of what the places are like during the spring and Saeran loved that I chose Jirisan for the sansuyu, he said it was perfect. We decided to use primrose and plum blossoms for the decorations, yellow primroses meaning “I can’t live without you” and plum blossoms that mean “strength, hope, perseverance, and stages of life”, as well as sansuyu as the main flowers for the bouquet and decorations. Plum blossoms bloom in Gwangyang around the same time as sansuyu, so we scheduled a trip to go pick them ourselves. Saeran selected the rest of the flowers that’ll be used for decorating, Saeyoung picked the hotel, and I chose the temple. 

I contacted a college friend to be my photographer, she’s been doing wedding photography for a few years now and her work is amazing, when I told her where the wedding was going to be, she was ecstatic, her joy confirmed that we made the right choice. This is really happening. I’m getting married. I’ve read so much about traditional weddings in the last few days that I could probably write an article about it, not a bad idea really. What I found most interesting was the different designs used in certain hanboks to represent roles and status, that led me to draw our wedding outfits as well as our new year’s hanboks. I’m suddenly obsessed with traditional art and culture and want to implement as much as I can for the upcoming celebrations. For our new year’s outfits, I want the traditional ramie hanbok, mine embroidered with plum blossoms, Saeyoung’s with cranes, and Saeran’s with clouds. For the wedding, I designed the embroidery patterns to have a phoenix for mine, a dragon for Saeran’s, and a sun for Saeyoung’s, modeled after formal and bridal wear from the Joseon dynasty. It was a pain drawing everything and submitting it to the designer, choosing the fabrics, getting it approved. It’s a good thing the wedding planner suggested renting hanboks, that way guests have the choice to dress up in traditional formal wear without buying the clothes if they don’t have it. Ma insists on wearing hers, I had to go to the storage and get the box where she put the family formal wear, they’re still in pristine condition, I had them laundered and placed in the closet. So yeah, I’ve been pretty busy lately, I’m looking forward to my honeymoon, I asked for a month off and it got approved. The New Year’s RFA event will be the last one I’ll organize for a while in preparation to my wedding, and then, vacation. I’m happy to help and know all the work is for charity but I’m tired. Speaking of tired, my article about modern business practices will be out in 2 weeks and hopefully Jaehee will get her vacation as well. We’re going to the spa together this weekend, hopefully I’ll be able to relax and get my mind off the wedding and the RFA. This last week has been hectic, can’t get a break to myself, but I also think I’ve been keeping myself busy on purpose to just collapse on the bed and sleep, wake up, and keep working. I just seem to go into overdrive when there’s a deadline and everything I’ve been doing for my wedding has been one thing after another and all the beauty around me, especially when I went to Jirisan Mountain served as a catalyst for my creativity, I’ve been working pretty much non-stop since then. Slowly things have been moving along and there are less issues I have to deal with personally, since that’s why I have a wedding planner in the first place, but I’m an artist with a vision and want everything to look a certain way, that kind of attention to detail costs time and money. Time of my own, since I’ve been drawing everything I want done but I’m confident this headache will be worthwhile and all my efforts will give fantastic results.

I was never much of a fan of weddings, it took my own to come along for me to get into it. I feel so much love for the boys that there’s no reason for me NOT to want to celebrate it, especially if I can do it however I wish. It’s like living a dream I never knew I had. It’s also a little terrifying, sometimes I feel like I’m waiting for the shitstorm to happen. When you feel like your life is a movie, you’re always waiting for the plot to thicken, imagining possible scenarios that are all awful, those thoughts give me anxiety, and that’s why I can’t have time for myself, I’ve also been refraining from booze and sex as a method of coping. I’m doing my best to get my shit together, for my sake and loved ones. I don’t wanna overwork myself but I seem to pile on more shit to do than necessary. If Saeyoung is starting to worry about it, I know it’s a problem. Earlier today he asked me why I was so stressed and fussing over every detail and I snapped at him. I knew he was only concerned because he loves me, it hurt to see him wince when I yelled at him to leave me alone. I was working on RFA business and I guess I looked agitated, his question bothered me, I heard him and I replayed it in my head.

Saeyoung: “Why are you so stressed and fussing over every detail?”

Me: “Because I want everything to go smoothly! What a stupid question, leave me alone!”

His face crumpled and he locked himself in his workroom. When I realized what I did I wanted to run to his door and apologize. But I’m the one that fucked up and asked to be left alone. I sent him a text saying I was sorry and that I was tired. I kept working uninterrupted but with a heavy heart. I really need to calm my nerves, January is just starting and the wedding isn’t ‘til March, I hope I don’t collapse before then. Ma said I should practice Judo, that it’s a good exercise for the mind, body, and spirit, it’s been a while since I’ve exercised but I figured it’s not a bad idea, I drank and ate a lot during Christmas. I cleared some space in the living room to work out, sex shouldn’t be the only exercise I engage in. Ma got married in a Western style wedding dress and she told me how she practiced Judo every day prior to her wedding to fit in the dress, because it shrunk a size when she washed it after the seamstress dropped it off. Ma never wears anything without washing it first. I learned that habit from her but we know now which fabrics tend to shrink after washing. Among the hanbok I brought from storage, I found my judogi from college, I washed it when I did laundry, thinking I could practice with Jaehee after work. I hope I get that chance but for now, I can start warming up at home. Mama Mun always knows best.


	40. Split open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran makes a revelation that wasn't surprising but nevertheless unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally on summer vacation and have time to write again. This chapter includes a minor Ray route spoiler. Sorry for the brevity of this update, just trying to move the story along. Enjoy!

Dear diary,

I didn’t want to go to therapy before, yet this time around it seemed necessary, not for me, but for Saeran. The stress concerning the wedding had grown, tensions running high at the bunker, and like a tightly wound guitar string, it eventually snapped. It was naïve of me to think that Saeran was ok and that the past was, just that, the past. I knew he took medication but Saeyoung took care of that, my grasp on medicine is limited to natural remedies I learned from my mother and things I picked up along my way. Mental illness is something else entirely, I thought we were doing ok. I guess I just wasn’t ready to have a fight with Saeran’s darker persona. He screamed. I screamed. We all screamed and it wasn’t for ice cream. I can laugh now at my lame joke, but it sure wasn’t funny living that moment. I wish it hadn’t happened while we were naked, I think it made it worse being so exposed.

At some point during our lovemaking, Saeran began to berate his brother, rubbing it in his face that I preferred him over his twin and that maybe he should be the one to marry me.

 **Me:** “I’m marrying the both of you, it doesn’t matter whose name is on the paper.”

 **Saeran:** “I have nothing in my name, the least he could do is let me have this. Why does HE get everything?”

 **Saeyoung:** “This isn’t the best time to discuss this.”

 **Me:** “We can talk about this post-coitus, but not during, I can’t concentrate like this.”

 **Saeran:** “You both treat me like a child. Are you sure you’re marrying me or adopting me?”

 **Me:** “Don’t be ridiculous, how can you say that while fucking me? Pull out, now, we can’t do this, ugh. What the fuck is the matter with you?”

I pushed both of them off me and closed my legs to force them to pull out. We were in the middle of double vaginal, they were on top of me and I was trying to get them off but Saeran insisted on continuing.

 **Saeran:** “What the fuck is wrong with me? That I don’t get to choose anything for myself because my sorry excuse for a brother is always a step ahead.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Saeran, we’ve been over this.”

 **Saeran:** “No, we haven’t. You might’ve patched things up with marshmallow boy but I’m not gone and I still hate you.”

Saeyoung and I both widened our eyes in shock and stared at Saeran.

 **Saeran:** “Don’t look surprised. Did you really think I was gone? That love could fix everything and make me whole? Pathetic. Did you know anti-psychotics decrease libido? Guess who hasn’t been taking their medication regularly?”

He pointed at his erection and I gasped. My vision started to get blurry and that’s when I noticed I was on the verge of spilling tears.

 **Saeran:** “Oh princess, there’s no need to cry. I thought you loved ALL of me. Or were you lying?”

I hid my face in the pillow next to me, I couldn’t look at him, his gaze was too intense and made me feel awkward.

 **Saeyoung:** “Saeran, stop, leave her alone.”

 **Saeran:** “You don’t get to tell me what to do. I asked her a question and she’s going to answer it.”

 **Saeyoung:** “You know she loves you.”

 **Saeran:** “You don’t speak for her and if she DOES love ME, then why is she crying? I highly doubt those are tears of joy like the ones she has when I make her orgasm multiple times.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Just give her a minute.”

 **Saeran:** “I’m not taking orders from you.”

 **Me:** “Please don’t fight.”

I wiped away my tears and sat on the bed to look at them.

 **Saeran:** “There’s my princess. Are you ready to answer my question?”

 **Me:** “Saeran, of course I love you, all parts of you, I just… thought you were…”

 **Saeran:** “What? Cured? Fixed?”

I bowed my head and looked at a corner of the room, avoiding his intense eyes. Another tear threatened to spill. I felt my anxiety creeping in the shape of constriction around my chest.

 **Saeran:** “So that’s it. You always talk about communicating but here you are, unable to tell me the truth to my face. I always have to milk it out of you. Tell me princess, do I scare you? Answer truthfully, our marriage depends on it.”

I peered into his eyes and his expression softened.

 **Me:** “No, I’m not scared. I feel like I failed you.”

 **Saeran:** “Failed me how?”

 **Me:** “I thought I could fix you.”

He scoffed and turned to his brother.

 **Saeran:** “You’re both really clueless.”

 **Saeyoung:** “We both really love you and just want you better.”

 **Saeran:** “I AM better.”

 **Saeyoung:** “You’re not.”

 **Saeran:** “And you’re the expert.”

 **Saeyoung:** “It’s not normal to have a split personality.”

 **Saeran:** “Nothing about our lives is normal.”

 **Saeyoung:** “That doesn’t mean this isn’t a problem that needs to be fixed.”

 **Saeran:** “That’s all I am to you. A problem.”

 **Saeyoung:** “That’s not what I meant.”

 **Saeran:** “You should’ve let me die at Mint Eye, that way you could be having your happily ever after with your fiancée, your brother 6 feet under ground not causing you any turmoil.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Don’t say that. I risked everything to save you.”

 **Saeran:** “A wasted effort.”

 **Me:** “Stop it!”

 **Saeran:** “No, YOU STOP IT! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO OPEN YOUR EYES?”

 **Saeyoung:** “Don’t scream at her!”

 **Saeran:** “SHUT THE FUCK UP, IDIOT, STOP BOSSING AROUND.”

 **Me:** “STOP IT. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO OPEN MY EYES TO, HUH? TO WHAT? I’M NOT BLIND. I know you’re a broken man, I thought we were getting better.”

 **Saeran:** “My problems are deeply rooted, it’s not going to go away with a kiss and a pat to the head.”

 **Me:** “What do you want me to do?”

 **Saeran:** “We can’t keep doing this. We need therapy. It’s exhausting and painful to be switching. It may have been fun for a while but it’s time to be realistic. I can’t keep relying on drugs to make the problem go away.”

 **Me:** “Is it weird if I ask who’s talking right now?”

 **Saeran:** “No, it’s not weird. It’s me, Saeran, the angry one. I’m tired of feeling resentful. Drugs and torture are what made me. Medication alone isn’t helping.”

 **Saeyoung:** “If you’re Saeran, then who’s…”

 **Saeran:** “He used to call himself Ray a few years ago. Look, it’s bad enough I have to share my woman, I don’t want to share my body as well.”

 **Me:** “Alright. We’ll go to therapy. All of us. I’ll speak to Jumin to see who can treat us confidentially.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Are you sure about this?”

 **Saeran:** “It’s either that or I’ll kill you before the wedding, trust me, the contempt is still there, reason I don’t do it is because I doubt she’ll want to marry me if you’re dead by my hands.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Awww, she’s made you soft.”

 **Saeran:** “Don’t push your luck, brother.”

 **Me:** “Stop it, there will be no more killing or arguing.”

 **Saeran:** “Then let’s finish what we started. I may have gone soft in some areas but not in others.”

 **Saeyoung:** “You’re joking, right?”

 **Saeran:** “No, I’m still hard.”

 **Me:** “It’s ok babe.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Are you sure?”

 **Me:** “Yeah, I’m fine.”

I wasn’t fine, but I needed the distraction. It was too much information to process with my already overworked brain. I invited Saeran into my mouth, he straddled my chest and held the back of my head as I worked his erection with my tongue. I tried my best to clear my head and focus on the task in front of me. I felt my legs parting and a tongue flicking around my inner lips. I leaned back and let myself be pleasured by Saeyoung’s tongue while I gave oral to his brother. I felt a little better after climax. I had sucked Saeran dry and he went to the bathroom to shower. I told Saeyoung I was tired and wanted to take a nap. He laid beside me and I fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. I had a nightmare that Saeran’s face turned into my ex’s and that he was torturing me. I woke up screaming. I was given a glass of water and I downed in a few gulps. I explained it was a nightmare and told them about it. They both looked worried, I gave them a small smile, at that moment my tummy rumbled and they laughed, promising me they’d make breakfast.

I’m scared of going to therapy but I can’t avoid it any longer. Saeran was right, our marriage depends on being truthful and seeking help when we need it. I’m willing to do anything for them, including pushing away my fear of doctors and opening up to a complete stranger. Saeyoung asked me if I wanted to push back the wedding but I said no, knowing about Saeran’s lingering split personality doesn’t change my feelings for him. I knew from the start that loving them could be dangerous.


	41. Hot mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio go to the therapist, MC buys a thoughtful gift, the twins have a gift of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly smut, enjoy.

Dear diary,

Glad I’m done with wedding preparations for now because I’m exhausted. After much debating and plenty of research, we met with Dr. Yun for our first meeting yesterday. She interviewed us individually and as a group. We agreed to be as honest as possible to receive proper diagnosis. It was an enlightening experience. Dr. Yun is very nice and made us feel welcome, even though we were being scrutinized. We all had our doubts about psychotherapy but the more time we spent there, we realized it made sense to go to a doctor when you’re ill and that includes mental health, I know I haven’t been well myself. At the end of the session we asked her what her initial prognosis was, we knew she’d say that Saeran has Dissociative identity disorder because that’s why we were there, but it was a surprise to hear that Saeyoung possibly suffers Hypomania and not so surpisingly, I have PTSD, allegedly. In a way I felt relieved after hearing that, because she gave us hope that we can work through this together. Dr. Yun is a specialist in Saeran’s condition and said it was promising that he himself suggested therapy, she commended my efforts of introducing him to art, it’s one of the creative therapies she suggests to patients. Her professional opinion was that he’s integrated quite well into society. We’ve done pretty good for ourselves dealing with our problems and left the office with a sense of pride that we’re not as fucked up as we thought.

For my next session I’m going to give her my diaries. It’s going to be embarrassing for someone to read all my shit but my point of view is important for understanding the twins, RFA, Mint Eye, and my past. We’re visiting V’s house this weekend to see if we can find Saeran’s diary, we already asked Yoosung if it was with Rika’s things that were recovered from Mint Eye but it’s not. I should be miffed that he never mentioned he had one, considering he’s read mine, but at least he’s opening up about it now. He’s already mentioned in the past what’s in the diary, so it’s not like he was keeping a secret. The day the twins spilled everything was a lot of information to process but I did remember something sweet from Saeran’s childhood. In honor of that, I stopped by a flower shop during lunch and bought a plant, I asked for it by name. I hope I got the right one because since it won’t bloom until spring, I have no way of knowing, but the leaves looked like the one in the picture. Just in case I bought seeds too. When Saeran went to pick me up he noticed the large paper bag I had.

 **Saeran:** “What’s in the bag?”

 **Me:** “Hello to you too, handsome, I missed you.”

 **Saeran:** “Sorry, curiosity got the best of me. I missed you too, beautiful. Did a little shopping during lunch?”

 **Me:** “I did. I got us a gift.”

 **Saeran:** “Oh? What did you get?”

 **Me:** “A new plant and seeds for the garden.”

 **Saeran:** “Really? What kind?”

 **Me:** “Geraniums.”

He smiled so warmly, I got goosebumps, felt tingly, and matched his smile with my own. I wish I had a picture, I wanna save that face into my memory and replay it.

 **Saeran:** “Do you know what they mean in the language of flowers?”

 **Me:** “Of course, they mean; I’m happy because of you.”

He leaned in to peck my lips and brushed his thumb along my jaw line.

 **Saeran:** “You remembered. I love you so much. It’ll be a perfect addition to our garden.”

 **Me:** “I thought so too. I’m not sure what color the plant’s flowers will be so I bought the red kind in seed form.”

 **Saeran:** “We’ll plant them together.”

It was my turn to kiss him back, he gave me a bright smile and drove us home. Saeyoung was waiting for us at the table with dinner ready.

 **Me:** “Smells delicious, what’s the occasion?”

 **Saeyoung:** “Nothing special, I was practicing for New Year’s Eve.”

 **Saeran:** “He called Mama Mun and asked her what she cooks for New Year’s. We made a list and wrote down her recipes.”

 **Me:** “Awww, really?”

They nodded and smiled, appearing proud of their labor of love. Upon further inspection I recognized the different dishes; japchae, bulgogi, mandu, stuffed mushrooms, and tteokguk.

 **Saeran:** “I made some Sujeonggwa, she said it’s your favorite.”

 **Me:** “Did you spike it?”

 **Saeran:** “Of course.”

 **Me:** “Mighty fine husbands you’ll be. This looks exquisite. Shall we eat, drink, and be merry?”

 **Saeyoung:** “We shall.”

It was a delightful dinner. The beef in the japchae was a bit tough but the rest was pretty good. The sujeonggwa was incredibly refreshing, I hadn’t drank any in years and it reminded me of my college days.

 **Me:** “Ma would be proud.”

 **Saeyoung:** “That’s a strong compliment.”

 **Saeran:** “Are YOU proud?”

 **Me:** “Of course I am. Are you trying to fatten me up before the wedding? I’ll need to work out these extra calories.”

 **Saeran:** “We can help you with that.”

 **Me:** “Ha, funny.”

 **Saeyoung:** “It’s a valid exercise.”

 **Me:** “So is judo.”

 **Saeran:** “Not as enjoyable.”

 **Me:** “True.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Want dessert?”

 **Me:** “I don’t think it fits. What do you have?”

 **Saeran:** “Oh, it’ll fit. It’s hot choisauce.”

 **Me:** “I see.”

 **Saeyoung:** “You want some?”

 **Me:** “Maybe later. I feel really full right now.”

 **Saeran:** “Fair enough.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Are you ok babe?”

 **Me:** “Yeah, I’m just tired. Still a bit sore from judo practice and this food was quite the feast, I’m gonna have a food coma.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Yeah me too, I made too many dumplings.”

 **Saeran:** “At least we have enough leftovers for tomorrow.”

 **Me:** “I’ll clean up.”

I got up and started to clear out my plate and utensils, the twins followed suit. I did the dishes and the boys cleared the table, we packed the leftovers to put away in the fridge and Saeran finished washing the platters. I told them in Cantonese that we should watch a movie. Saeyoung replied ecstatically and I told him to slow down, because I couldn’t understand him. He picked a kung fu movie we’d seen before, I didn’t mind, it’s funny and entertaining. We saw it without subtitles to practice Cantonese, we’re going to visit my family in the summer and there are more places I want to see. Our movie collection grew when we visited Hong Kong, Saeyoung bought a ton of DVDs, I don’t think we’ve gone through all of them yet. I missed having a relaxing night of dinner and a movie with the boys. Once the film was over we headed to the shower.

 **Saeyoung:** “Are you sure you don’t want dessert in bed?”

 **Me:** “It’s easier to clean up here and then go to sleep.”

 **Saeran:** “We don’t have to change the sheets this way.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Good point.”

Saeran turned on the shower and we all took turns getting our hair wet, Saeyoung was standing in front of me when I stepped out from under the falling water. Every time I survey his face I’m filled with warmth, he exudes so much love. He stared at me hungrily, water droplets cascading down his chest, my hands quickly moved to his hips, slowly caressing the protruding bones and moving upwards to his ribs, collarbones, and finally his face. I pressed myself against him and tip toed slightly to kiss him feverishly, tangling my fingers in his hair. Saeran was behind me and started to rub his dick between my thighs for friction. Saeyoung wrapped his arms around my waist, squeezing a butt cheek before crawling up my sides and creeping a hand towards my mound, fingers inching towards my lips, 2 digits dipping inside. A moan escaped into Saeyoung’s mouth, our tongues dancing as Saeran’s dick grew hard between my thighs, his mouth trailed my arms. I broke the kiss to gasp for air, once Saeyoung’s fingers were coated with my juices he pulled them out and grazed my lips with them, I flicked my tongue to lick and he slipped them into my mouth while Saeran’s dick made its way inside me. I hugged Saeyoung and angled my hips towards him, I felt him feeling his way to my entrance with his cock. Saeran bit down hard on my shoulder, causing me to bite Saeyoung’s fingers, making him pull his hand and hiss between his teeth. Saeran lifted me slightly, allowing his brother better access to join him, the 2 of them promptly fucking me from different directions.

 **Me:** “Babe, hold down my hips.”

 **Saeyoung:** “You ok?”

 **Me:** “I’m losing strength in my legs, just hold me for a minute. Now Saeran will stop and you’ll do what he was doing.”

 **Saeyoung:** “As you wish.”

Each of his thrusts hit my sweet spot, I was getting close to an orgasm.

 **Me:** “I want the both of you to bite me at the same time and when you do, you’ll pull out and thrust.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Like a kinky power attack combo?”

 **Me:** “Just do it. On 3. 1… 2… 3.”

They each took a shoulder and bit down hard exactly where I was already wounded, I cried in pain but their continued thrusts brought about my climax, they suckled the wound, my walls clenching around them as I slowly grew weaker, they pulled out and held me tight, switching positions, Saeyoung getting the lube to take me from behind and Saeran rubbing his dick across my slit, making me mewl.

 **Saeran:** “Ready for another round?”

 **Me:** “Ummm, yeah.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Insatiable little mynx.”

 **Me:** “I’m not insatiable, we could stop now and I’d be happy.”

 **Saeran:** “You sure about that?”

He pressed his dick deeper into my folds, and rubbed my clit, earning a moan from me.

 **Saeran:** “You’re the one that says ‘Once I start, I can’t stop.’”

 **Me:** “True, I’ve said that.”

 **Saeran:** “What changed?”

 **Me:** “Judo practice.”

They chuckled.

 **Me:** “It’s not funny. I trained with Jaehee the other day and she beat me pretty hard. My lumbar still hurts.”

 **Saeyoung:** “She’s not one to be messed with.”

 **Me:** “Neither am I, so watch it mister.”

 **Saeyoung:** “But you love to be a hot mess.”

He inserted a vibrator, I’m no stranger to sex toys but we’ve never used any on me until recently, the one he used looks like a slim dildo that’s useful as foreplay for anal sex. Makes opening up easier. Saeran kept fucking me at a pace he was comfortable with and I locked lips with him, drinking his moans. Saeyoung rubbed his erection with my ass cheeks to keep him hard while the vibrator worked me open. When I thought I was ready for him I wiggled my butt. He accepted the signal and slowly pulled out the toy, replacing it with his hot stiff muscle. My legs were getting numb again, I rested my weight on Saeran, circling my arms around his torso as I was sandwiched between them. My eyes shot open when I felt my throat being gripped. Saeyoung was holding my hips down and Saeran did the choking, a smirk cracked his face as he tightened the hold. Overstimulated and gasping for air, I let my hands fall to Saeran’s ass and pulled him closer to me, sending shockwaves of pleasure, I rocked my hips in tandem with his thrusts, his grip slackened and I yowled, he pulled out and let the cum drip over my belly and thigh. Saeyoung pulled my hair back and dipped 3 fingers inside me, using his thumb to rub my clit, I turned into a whimpering mess. Saeran shut off the shower and kneeled in front of me, I moved Saeyoung’s hand to play with my breast instead and allowed Saeran to pleasure me with his mouth, and boy, did he do just that. My clit was overstimulated so every time he licked or sucked on it I’d cry and Saeyoung would thrust slower, licking the wounds on my shoulders. They kept doing that for a while until Saeyoung was ready to cum, he picked up the pace and pulled out to squirt over me. Saeran got up and was determined to fuck me again even though I told him to stop. He glided his fingers across my slit and I shuddered. “Please, stop.” I begged. “Your body can take it.” he groaned. He pressed me against the wall and took me from behind. Saeyoung turned on the shower to rinse and shut it off again. I saw him masturbating behind his brother and I closed my eyes for a minute then I took a deep breath and told Saeran to turn me around.

 **Saeran:** “You sure about that?”

 **Me:** “Yes.”

 **Saeran:** “You heard her. She wants you to fill her empty slot.”

 **Saeyoung:** “As you wish.”

He chuckled and wiped the sweat from my forehead.

 **Saeyoung:** “You’re beautiful when you’re a hot mess.”

 **Me:** “Thanks, you’re hot too. C’mere and mess me up.”

He didn’t need more incentive than that. I was pinned between them again. I leaned towards Saeyoung and whispered in his ear to choke me. He let out a sigh and looked at me. I pecked his cheek and nodded. He gripped my neck and tightened my throat. I closed my eyes and saw light patterns, the recognizable feeling of being disconnected washing over me. Their thrusts became faster and when Saeyoung’s grip slackened I screeched in ecstasy and gripped his neck in return, making him tighten his hold on me. I felt dizzy and shut my eyes, letting go of Saeyoung’s neck and leaning on Saeran’s shoulder. It was an uncomfortable position but I could’t find the strength to move.

 **Saeran:** “You alright, princess?”

 **Me:** “Mmmhmm.”

He chuckled and leaned my head forward towards Saeyoung. I opened my eyes and mumbled “Kiss me.” He searched my lips with his and swallowed my moans. I was worn out but they held me, making sure I wouldn’t fall. Saeran was the first to cum, he turned on the shower and started to rinse, Saeyoung rubbed my clit when he was close to cumming, my movements became frantic due to the overstimulation. He kept thrusting and touching me while riding his orgasm and I ended up squirting. I practically collapsed on top of him.

 **Saeran:** “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

 **Me:** “Mmmm mmhmm.”

 **Saeyoung:** “She squirted.”

 **Saeran:** “I saw. Congrats.”

 **Saeyoung:** “I think I know what triggers it.”

 **Saeran:** “Overstimulation?”

 **Saeyoung:** “Yeah.”

 **Saeran:** “It’s too messy to do in the bedroom.”

 **Saeyoung:** “We should get a bigger shower.”

 **Saeran:** “Like Jumin’s.”

 **Saeyoung:** “How do you know what his shower looks like?”

 **Saeran:** “MC’s pictures of his cat when she’s taken care of her.”

 **Saeyoung:** “Right. I thought you’d say something more hackery like blueprints.”

 **Saeran:** “Well, that too, but it doesn’t really compare to a picture for comparison. The guest bathroom shower is pretty big though.”

I picked up the shampoo and Saeyoung took it away from me.

 **Saeyoung:** “Uh uh, babe, let US do that.”

 **Saeran:** “Just relax.”

They held me and we finished showering. Saeyoung towel dried me and Saeran brought my fancy robe. I put it on and went to the living room. I told them I wanted to unwind for a while before going to bed and they left me alone. I’m a little nervous about going to V’s house, our last trip was emotional and I have a feeling this one will be too. It’s still awkward for me to go through his things and I didn’t even know him that well, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like for the boys. But I keep reminding myself that whatever happens, we’re doing this together and that gives me the strength to go through all this.


	42. Saeran's diary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another trip to V's house unveils tokens from the past and new ideas for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has spoilers for the Special Believer package, it literally mentions the contents of Saeran's diary.

Dear diary,

I was right to believe that the trip to V’s house was going to be emotional, not knowing what to expect made the discoveries a lot more shocking. On the bright side I got to see a glimpse of the twin’s childhood. We went through all the boxes I didn’t touch last time that were stored in V’s closet and one of them had exactly what we were looking for plus a few other goodies. V had taken pictures of the twins at the cathedral and the street they lived on with a film camera, I’m definitely going to make more prints of all the pictures. I found the contact sheet with a few photos and the film in a manila envelope, under that were the twin’s notebooks.

**Me:** “Awwwwww, you guys were so adorable! Oh my GOD.”

**Saeran:** “Looks like she found it.”

**Me:** “Babe, look, there’s pictures of you.”

**Saeyoung:** “Pictures of ME? As a kid?”

**Me:** “Yeah, well, I think you were a teenager.”

**Saeyoung:** “You sure it’s not Saeran?”

**Me:** “Yes, I’m sure. I recognize that face. Come take a look.”

I held out the contact sheet and prints for them to look at while I took out the notebooks that were in the plastic bin.

**Saeran:** “That’s you alright.”

**Saeyoung:** “It is, and look at you by the garden.”

**Saeran:** “Yeah, I learned about plants there.”

**Me:** “I’m guessing all the notebooks with code are Saeyoung’s.”

**Saeran:** “Most of them, some are mine.”

**Saeyoung:** “You kept them?”

**Saeran:** “Yes. They became study books.”

**Me:** “I’m going to leave them here for you to check out.”

**Saeran:** “You don’t need to leave.”

**Me:** “You sure you don’t want space?”

**Saeran:** “It’s fine, we can look at them together.”

And we did. Saeran’s journal started when Saeyoung had given him a notebook he got from the cathedral, gifts from Rika. It had doodles, thoughts, and letters to his brother, I cried a bit when we got to the part of Saeyoung not coming back home, but then we saw what he wrote about Rika and V and his experience going to the cathedral’s school, what he learned about plants, there’s a time skip to when he’s at Mint Eye, there’s a picture of Saeyoung with his eyes scribbled in ink and the word TRAITOR, a page full of scribbled LIER over and over and then nothing. The next journal he started as Ray, it had a picture of him in a fancy suit and cravat, Saeyoung teased him for it.

**Saeran:** “It wasn’t my choice.”

**Saeyoung:** “I can read. She sure made questionable choices.”

**Me:** “Well, I’m not sure about the cravat and suit color but you look nice. I guess the magenta adds color to the skin since you were so pale, especially with the white hair and had very dark undereyes. How you could function with 3 hours of sleep is a mystery to me.”

**Saeyoung:** “Not for me, so I feel you little brother, my undereyes were just as dark when I was swamped with work.”

**Saeran:** “I’m you and you’re me.”

**Saeyoung:** “Yeah.”

**Me:** “2 halves.”

A grin crept into their faces, it was a cute brotherly moment. Saeran’s face changed once he saw the photos of the RFA members, they all had their eyes scribbled with ink, he passed the pages quickly but I asked him to stop flipping them, I saw recipes and one of them was for Gateau au Chocolat.

**Me:** “You have to make this for me.”

**Saeran:** “I’d be happy to.”

**Me:** “There’s an ice cream one too.”

**Saeran:** “I like yours better, less ingredients.”

**Me:** “Do you want to look at your notebooks babe?”

**Saeyoung:** “Not really. Like you said, they’re just codes.”

**Me:** “Yeah but still, part of the process is acknowledging what happened and letting it go.”

**Saeyoung:** “Fine.”

I couldn’t make out much of what was in his notebooks except for some cute emojis he scribbled here and there. We kept perusing the boxes and cataloged everything. I put the stuff we were taking back with us in the living room and they organized it in the trunk. Unlike last time, we spent the night there. They protested the idea at first but I wanted to know what it was like to sleep over. I honestly consider using V’s house as a studio, as soon as I told them that, they seemed to ease up and Saeran shared a few ideas of his own, mostly in terms of decorating. Since there’s plenty of light inside the house during the day he wants to add more indoor plants. We spent a few hours talking about the layout and how to organize everything into a comprehensive artist studio. V used his house as his atelier but for photography, I want a decent space for drawing and painting. Saeran’s experience working at the art store was evident when we talked about supplies. I’m so proud of him, he really has come a long way.

With all of V’s belongings cataloged, I separated everything that could be used for the RFA, the rest I still have to discuss with Jumin what to do with them since they’re personal belongings. I sent him an email with some suggestions, like clothes and shoes being donated. I’d like to keep his equipment, I’m sure he would’ve liked for the only other member of his family with artistic inclinations to inherit it. I thought of giving Saeran my camera for his birthday, but I might give it to him on New Year’s. Sometimes I wonder how things would’ve turned out if I knew V was my cousin. Probably the same outcome since he was quite the stubborn man, but maybe I’d felt less lonely knowing I had family nearby. Wishful thinking though, it’s not like I knew him or were close. My dad’s family made sure of that. I still giggle when I remember thinking I had walked into a mafia organization, although I wasn’t that far off, Rika was a criminal mastermind that pilfered money from the rich for her objectives. What a world we live in. I’m still tempted to write a script based on the RFA and Mint Eye. I joked about it once to Zen and he said it’d be a bad idea to make a movie because people would get ideas and start a cult of their own. I didn’t think so, but, you never know. Gullible people will always be prey.

We drove back home early in the morning, picking up our hanboks for New Year’s on the way. They turned out just as I wanted and I saw a preview of our wedding outfits, I’m thrilled. The satisfaction of seeing my designs realized is sublime. The attention to detail, color of the threads in the embroidery, the finishings, everything, simply perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so excited for the approaching year but I know it’s because I have so much to look forward to, the wedding alone is reason enough. I’m applying what Dr. Yun said about “acknowledging the past, accepting it happened, and moving on, if there’s something that can be fixed, try to solve the problem in a way it doesn’t hurt myself or others.” I’ve been drinking less and made an appointment with a physician to get some labs done, we’re all trying to incorporate healthier habits into our lives. I genuinely feel good, sure a bit tired, anxious with a side of stress, but I regret not going to therapy sooner. Sometimes I’m too dramatic for my own good and engage in unhealthy habits, I blame it on PMS, but in all seriousness, the ambiance at home has changed. It feels less heavy and that’s a good sign. Life seems to be moving forward when 2 weeks ago I felt kind of stuck in quicksand. You ever feel like there’s something you should be doing but don’t know what, so you keep ignoring the issue? That’s basically me all the time. The short time I spent with Dr. Yun was pretty insightful and I’m actually looking forward to our next session. What matters most to me is that Saeran gets the help he needs. I’m a lot more confident in trying my best for my wonderful Choi bois.


	43. New Year's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The RFA celebrate the New Year (Chinese New Year) and MC has a lot to reflect on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter in a recap style instead of the usual dialogue, seems like lazy writing, I know, haha, I'm sorry, but this is a diary format fic and this seemed like a decent entry, just trying to move the story forward. Enjoy!

Dear diary,

It’s officially a new year and I’m glad. It feels like I’ve lived a lifetime yet there’s so much to look forward to. It’s almost as if for every uneventful day I get a week of action jammed into 24 hours. My life’s never boring, that’s for sure. Second session with the therapist went well, she read Saeran’s diary and had a chance to talk to both sides of him. The next sessions will be for the twins, she called it conflict mediation, the key to Saeran’s treatment is resolving the tension between him and his brother, as for me, she’ll be reading my journals and schedule a private session. There’s no way of knowing how long it will take to resolve their issues but Dr. Yun said it was promising that Saeran is aware of the problem and wants to make amends. Getting him to open up was hard enough so at least there’s some progress. I’ve felt more relaxed since confessing my life story, it’s liberating to get all these secrets off my chest. Maybe I wasn’t ready for therapy a year ago, but I’ve had time to digest all the bad things that have happened to me. I’ve talked about it briefly with Zen and in detail among the twins. I started my own path of self-healing, Dr. Yun is just teaching me better coping mechanisms. I shouldn’t feel ashamed for the mess I’ve been, I’ve done what I can. It’s hard for me to see my progress, sometimes it takes someone else to point it out and so far I’m fine with it. I know I can be too stubborn but I’ve come to terms with the fact that if I want to be a better person, I have to be willing to listen, take advice, and apply myself. This is a personal challenge I must overcome for my own sake. On a second plane it would also improve my relationship with the twins but the focus should be on self-healing. I’ve been carrying my issues for so long and then fell for emotionally broken men, it seems to be a pattern in my life. Speaking of patterns, my friend from college Hee Young was at the party, I’m looking forward to see all the pictures that were taken in our hanboks that I designed, not gonna lie, once upon a time I was interested in fashion design but I mostly liked the illustration aspect. I’ve drawn so much these last few months, it’s a miracle my hand hasn’t fallen off. I can take a break from art for now, the creative fountain has ceased to flow in the meantime. I drove the boys a little crazy with all the wedding ideas but since everything has been finalized and/or in progress, I don’t have to do anything, just wait for spring and go flower picking, show up at the wedding. I might change my hair color but I’ve got time to think about it.

Anyway, the party was at Jumin’s mountain home, we spent the New Year holidays there. I was excited to go snowboarding with the boys and try different winter activities like snowball fights, snow angels, building snow people, and overall shenanigans. I’m glad nobody got seriously injured, Yoosung sprained his ankle trying to ski, Zen thinks his ass got flat because he landed on his butt a few times while ice skating, and Saeyoung hugged a tree when snowboarding, got a few scratches and bruises where he collided. Overall, we had a blast. Jumin wanted to invite Hee Young to see how great a photographer she is and thought it’d be perfect to judge her work by taking photos of his mountain home, other than her, it was just Vanderwood and the RFA. I can’t do big parties one after another, it was nice to spend time with close friends and it was the first time the RFA met someone from my past that isn’t family, plenty of stories from the college days surfaced, I was drunk by the time Hee Young mentioned my ex in her tales and I didn’t care. I remember Zen staring at me and I shrugged it off, whatever anger I felt when I used to hear his name is gone now, the alcohol probably helped, but it’s not like she knew the really awful details, just the superficial side of that jerk. I was the friend that dated an asshole, I can’t deny that fact. However, explaining how I ended up with 2 fiancées without lying is another thing, and by lying I mean omitting details like I did with my family. The short version is I met them online on an app, joined the RFA and it all took off from there. It’s all I can really say to anyone outside the inner circle of friends. Even though things with the prime minister seem to be ok for now, the twin’s identity has to remain secret, therefore everything about the agency and Mint Eye is not conversation material. I’m glad Zen is so charming and Jumin is well versed in a variety of topics because they were great at changing the subject when things got too personal. The good thing about catching up with Hee Young is that we made plans to have lunch this week. I had missed having “girl talk” with my old drinking buddy, she insists that I should have a bachelorette party so we’re going to explore that idea, if it’s supposed to be an all girls activity, I lack enough female friends, although I’m pretty if it’s just 3 or 4 girls, that’s fine. I know it’s just an excuse to party like old times and honestly, I’d be happy to, I had fun going clubbing with the twins in Hong Kong but it’s not the same when you go out with girls, it’s a different kind of vibe.

Other highlights from the mountain home include: going hiking with Jaehee and Saeran, judo and target practice with Vandy, star gazing with the twins, riding a helicopter. I got nice aerial shots of the surrounding landscape and Hee Young too, as well pictures of the mansion. It had been a long while since I talked about photographer things with someone, she and I took Analog photography and 2 other courses together; History of Modern Art and Japanese. At some point during brunch, I started talking in Japanese, Hee Young had mentioned a photo shoot she did in Shibuya last summer and I had too many mimosas, Saeyoung was quite amused and eager to join the conversation, Jumin had a few things to say too, I didn’t notice we were speaking Japanese until Zen mentioned it. Saeyoung boasted how he’s fluent in 18 languages, beating everyone in the room, second place goes to Jumin though, as an international businessman he’s fluent in several foreign languages. I’ve only heard him speak French and Italian when ordering food so it was fun to speak in Japanese for a bit, I’m a little rusty, I should practice, it’d be a good excuse to watch Japanese movies without subtitles and I’m sure my bespectacled fiancée would gladly indulge me. We stayed an extra day due to bad weather, the 3 day vacation turned into 4, I felt refreshed, I even made cookies and hot cocoa on the last day there, playing cards and chess to pass the time. Once the storm was gone, we headed back home. I don’t like the cold very much but I had a lot of fun and it was a real break from routine. I don’t usually sleep on car rides, especially when Saeyoung is the driver but I dozed off and woke up when we made it to the city.

Vacations can be exhausting but I know it’s because of all the exercise, my muscles are sore as I write this, I can probably skip judo this week. I’m happy to be back home, 4 days doesn’t seem like a lot but I had missed the smell of our bedroom. It’s as if the twin’s scent is a highly addictive drug to me. They both smell different and mixed with my own scent it creates a sort of aphrodisiac perfume. I know I’m not the only one aroused by it, I just happen to be more sensitive to smells. I should’ve washed the sheets before leaving, I was too busy making sure we had all our snowboarding gear, I forgot to change the bedding. The nap I took in the car made me groggy. First thing I did when I got home was go to the bathroom and then plop down on the bed face first. The sudden whiff of our scent made me let out a muffled groan. Saeyoung asked if I was ok and I did a thumbs up to assuage his worry. He chuckled and went back to the garage. As I lay there I started to wonder if sex addiction was a thing. Even with friends or family in the room next door doesn’t stop us from fucking, it turns into a game and adds a bit of thrill. A sniff of the twins and I’m salivating, how did it get to this? I try to curb my sex drive since Saeyoung likes to tease me that I’m a succubus and I’m aware that they’re sometimes busy. It’s not like I want to have sex EVERY day, maybe what they say about Scorpios is true and we’re the horniest zodiac sign, sure explains my kinks and urges. At least writing helps me organize my thoughts. I’ll eventually talk about it in therapy, I’m a bit nervous about discussing my sex life openly but all I can do is brace myself. I already warned Dr. Yun that there’s a lot of smut in my journals, she smiled so warmly and told me not to be embarrassed since sex is a part of life, I truly need to keep reminding myself that. I thought writing would help me focus on something else but it’s not working, so, I’m going to try to seduce my fiancées now that they’re all done unpacking, I still can’t stop thinking of having them for a snack and filling me just the way I like it.


End file.
